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The best thing about using his new knights to spy on his fiancee was Merlin would never suspect him. Arthur could not risk Merlin finding out about the surprise. He could not Find out that Arthur was going to make a homemade Yule present for him.
And Arthur was determined to make such a present. Alright, he was not the most crafty person. But he had the new knights and sorcerers to help him, and most of them were crafty people, so this wouldn’t be too hard.
It would take time and effort, but Arthur would make something wonderful. Merlin would be thankful, and kiss him a great deal, and they would have a wonderful Yule before falling into bed that night and enjoying themselves greatly.
He had it all planned out. It never occurred to him that he might simply be horrible at crafts.
One of the new sorcerers of Camelot, Kei, met Arthur and Euthymos the dragon by the Darkling Woods. “Merlin is inside and focused on filming one of his YouTube magic tutorials!” Kei said. “Bedi will warn us if he finishes.” He then patted the bag he held over his shoulder and grinned at Arthur. “I’ve got something special to show you.” As he reached into said bag, the dragon Euthymos leaned forward from Arhur’s shoulder and gave a curious squawk.
Kei lifted out an object. It was one of the technologies of this new time. Arthur could tell that right away. a black box with many buttons and a round protruding part with what looked like glass filling it.
“A good black and white photograph in a nice frame can make an amazing gift,” Kei told Arthur smugly and tossed some of his long black hair over his shoulder.
Arthur’s brow rose. “So this…. thing is a camera… like I have in my phone? But somehow different?”
Kei scoffed, “What you have in your phone is nothing. THIS is a real camera. It has different lenses, a megapixel sensor, in body image stabilization, a weather sealed body, super high resolution. And a three way tilting screen!”
Arthur blinked, “Right.” He would pretend that he understood that. He was starting to have a sinking feeling about this in the pit of his stomach. He also didn’t quite understand how a black and white image would be super special when they were able to have colored images at their fingertips. But perhaps Merlin would know how to appreciate it? Arthur had seen a few black and white pictures at Merlin’s old house before Merlin had accidentally blown it up.
Kei handed him the camera, “What lens do you want to use? 50:mm 70:mm 24:mm? 135mm?”
“Uh… 135?” Arthur chose at random.
Kei grinned at him, “Good choice!” He pulled another round part out of his pack, removed the one currently attached to the black box, and attached this one instead.
Kei handed the camera to Arthur, pointing to buttons, “This is the zoom, this is the mode, oh, and this one controls the shutter speed. Oh, and this one takes a picture.” Kei also neglected to mention what any of this meant. But that might be a good thing. Arthur had not understood any of the words he had used before. As he toyed with the box- no camera- Kei spoke again.
“Um, before you photograph the dragon, mate, are you sure you don’t want to do a sexy man calendar?”
Arthur had a flashback to Kei and Bedi trying to dress him up in a ridiculously shiny red outfit and odd red hat. Something about fire…
“Yes.” He told Kei.
“If you say so, mate!” Kei said in response.
Arthur looked at the baby dragon. “Fly!” He urged. Euthymos squealed happily and flew up into the air, using his tiny wings to soar on the air currents. Arthur aimed the camera at him, cluelessly, playing with the settings as he pressed the one button he did know how to use, the one to take the picture.
Surely one of them would turn out well?
None of them turned out well.
Arthur held the developed photos up as Kei stood next to him inside the castle. There was a close-up of a wing, or what he thought was a wing, several too blurry to make out, and one that seemed to be a close-up of Euthymos’s eyeball. A few had missed the dragon entirely.
“I don’t think photography is your thing, mate,” Kei told him.
Arthur had to agree. The photos went into the trash, and he resolved to find some other way to make Merlin a gift.
Elaine swiveled around the door hanging off it as she looked into the kitchen at Lyenette and Arthur. “Thank Shiva, he’s decorating again! Now is a good time!” She smiled at her girlfriend. “Good luck teaching him Nettie.” Elaine then waved and vanished from view.
Lyenette huffed in her typical fashion and looked at Arthur as if he was an annoyance she wanted to get rid of. “I’m making salt dough decor for the holidays. I’m sure you can make something, too, without messing up my process too badly. I’ll show you how to do it, but afterward, you will leave me to my decorating.”
Arthur was tempted to point out how, as King, he was the one in charge, but he refrained.
Despite her harsh words, Lyenette was a better teacher than Kei.
“Salt dough, what is it?” Arthur asked.
Lyenette gestured to a row of what looked to Arthur like a white version of the clay he had once seen a potter using in the lower city. “This is salt dough. It's made of salt, water, and flour. You can cook it, and it hardens, and you can paint or dye it with food coloring. It's convenient for extra ingredients from baking; that's how I started.” She told him.
It sounded so much simpler than the stupid camera. He could do this.
“Mix your own,” Lyennete ordered. “One cup salt, two cups flour, and one cup water, simple.” She turned back to the intricately braided wreath she was making. Once again, Arthur was tempted to remind her that she could not order him around. But she could; he was the student, and for making something special for Merlin, enduring this indignity was worth it.
Arthur looked around the kitchen and found a mug to use. One cup salt. He measured this out and added it to a bowl. As he was looking around for the flour, Lyenette called out to him, “What are you doing with Bedi's special mug!?” She took the cup from him, shaking her head, and went back to her decoration making. Arthur had not even known Bedi had a special mug, they never used it at mealtimes. Sighing, he looked around for another cup. Arthur found a goblet. These were from Camelot itself and not in any way modern, perfect.
He filled the goblet with flour and dumped it into his bowl. The mixture was starting to match Lyenette’s. Encouraged, Arthur filled the goblet with flour again, dumped that in, and added in a goblet of water.
Arthur then crossed the kitchen to find what Lyenette had called food coloring. He tried his best to mix colors to create the black of Euthymos’s scales. He ended up with a purple instead. But this would still be fine, he told himself. It would still be a dragon. Perhaps he could even paint It later. He spent over an hour carefully molding the dragon from the salt dough and was ridiculously proud of himself when he put his creation into the oven to cook.
Arthur took a quick break to do some training and came back to the shattered remnants of his dragon. Lyenette stared at the ruin of Arthur’s hard work and then at him, “I’ve never seen salt dough react like this. You used the right amount of cups?”
Arthur thought about it. Yes he had used cups and filled them the right amount of times before adding them to his mixture. “I did.”
Lyenette watched him for a long moment. And then tentatively lay a hand on his shoulder. “Perhaps salt dough just isn't for you.” Her voice was sympathetic. That was how Arthur knew he must have had a devastated expression on his face. Lyennete almost never expressed sympathy.
Mournfully, Arthur took out the pieces of his little dragon and disposed of them. He was starting to wonder if he was cursed… Was that a thing? Curses that made people bad at crafts? This was fine. It would be fine. He had only tried two crafts, after all. There were four more knights and sorcerers that could help him.
Arthur headed to Gaius’s chambers after Bedi told him Merlin was making something called Wassail in the kitchen.
Elaine had turned the place into what she called a modern laboratory. Which just seemed to be what had always been there, along with several new apparatuses or machines. As the potion-maker of the group, who also made and sold cosmetics on the side, Elaine was fully in her element here.
Arthur was not.
“So… We’re going to make something he puts in his hair?”
“Exactly.” Elaine smiled at him. “He can use it after the bath, and every time, it will be a reminder of you!”
Arthur had bought the jar to keep it in, whatever they made. “I’m ready.” He said, holding it up.
“We’ll make the base first,” Elaine told him. She watched Arthur like a hawk as they mixed together chemicals and herbs Arthur had never heard of.
Only one ingredient gave Arthur pause. “This Acetic acid you mention… Is it different from normal acid?” He was hesitant to put anything with acid in its name into a gift for Merlin.
“I promise you it's perfectly safe,” Elaine told him as she showed him how to measure the right amount. “It helps with hair strength, shine, and so much more. I’m going to go back to the bath bombs I am making. You can add any fragrance you want to the base. A few drops will do. The essential oils for it are in the vials over in that cupboard.” Elaine pointed the area out to Arthur, and he nodded.
Scents… What scent would Merlin want in his hair? Arthur perused the shelf of tiny vials, perplexed. Then he saw something else in the cupboard. Baking soda… He had the faintest memory of Morgana once talking about using it on her skin. If it was good for the skin, it would be good for the hair. He would add some of that while trying to think of what scent to use.
He took the bottle from the shelf and moved over to what Elaine had called the base. Then he poured a good amount into it.
He had a split second to realize he had made a terrible mistake. Then white foam exploded, going everywhere. Elaine actually screamed, and Arthur flailed. His face and clothing were suddenly covered with the bubbling white mess. He heard the sound of breaking glass as he stumbled backward. His mixture had fallen off the table.
Arthur hurried to whip the foam off his face as he felt the oddest sensation of heat.
“GET that off! Get that Off!” Elaine shouted, throwing him a wet towel. Arthur used it, scrubbing his face again and again until the heat started to fade. “You’re going to need to change as soon as possible,” Elaine told him. “You put baking soda in it!”
Alarm seemed to have given way to mirth. Elaine laughed hysterically. “Why did you put baking soda in it!? I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t laugh! But the look on your face! I’m sorry!”
“It was in the cupboard!” Arthur defended himself. He was done with making cosmetics; all the ingredients were just waiting to trip him up. To explode on him. They were obviously in some sort of conspiracy against him.
“How was it in the cupboard? Oh no, I moved it there while cleaning! Sire, I'm so sorry!”
“I’m going to try something else.” Arthur kept a grip on his temper.
“Er, yes, very understandable.” Elaine looked positively chagrined. “Of course. But you probably should go bathe first, and your face might be red for a little bit… No lasting damage.”
Arthur followed her advice, taking a long soak. He sulked in the jacuzzi; He was used to being good at things. Or, at the very least, not horrible.
When Merlin came in with a questioning expression, Arthur was, after all, in the bath at an odd time; Arthur merely told him, “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Merlin quietly moved behind Arthur and began to rub his shoulders.
“You don’t have to do that,” Arthur told the man he loved.
“No, I don’t.” Merlin agreed. “And before you get any smart ideas, if you pull me into the tub with my clothing on, I will stop doing it.”
Arthur couldn’t help it. Merlin always knew how to cheer him up. A half smile formed on his face. “Merlin, would I ever?” He said in mock horror.
“Yes! And I can name at least several occasions on which you did.”
“It's your own fault,” Arthur informed his warlock.
“How exactly is it my fault Arthur?” Merlin’s fingers dug skillfully into Arthur’s tense muscles. “Tell me how?”
“I hadn’t thought of a reason yet.” Arthur told him, startling a laugh from Merlin. “But I will.”
“Right, let me know how that goes. And enjoy trying to think while I do this.” Merlin tilted Arthur's head to the side with a tender hand and kissed him softly. Merlin was right. It was remarkably hard to think. All Arthur’s mind wanted to focus on was Merlin, the feel of his lips, his wonderful laughter earlier that somehow lit up the entire room. Merlin. His Merlin.
Arthur grabbed Merlin and pulled him into the tub without thinking. He deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue through Merlin’s parted lips. Merlin’s hand cradled the back of Arthur’s head as his own tongue met Arthurs. They snogged each other as the water started to cool; they snogged as Arthur yanked Merlin even closer by his shirt. They snogged until they eventually breathlessly had to break apart.
“And I’m in the water. In my clothing… Again.” Merlin tilted his head to the side, looking at Arthur. His expression is pure sass.
“You kissed me first.” Arthur countered. “You started it.”
“And that means you simply had to pull me into the tub fully clothed?”
“Would you rather be unclothed? We can arrange that.” Arthur grinned at his fiance.
“Yes, as a matter of fact,” Merlin told him.
Grinning wider, Arthur yanked off Merlin's clothing.
Danad met Arthur in one of the sheds that anointed the grounds of Camelot castle. But only after it was confirmed Merlin was elsewhere trying to find the perfect Yule log.
Arthur looked around, taking in the multiple chunks of wood and interestingly shaped knives.
Danad grinned at him proudly, “I wood like to show you the art of wood carving, but there is not much instruction to give.” Danad immediately laughed at his own pun. Arthur stopped himself from groaning. Barley. “You take a chunk of wood, then a knife, and go to town, cutting it into the perfect shape. Then you sand the thing. It’s easy!”
Arthur was immediately wary. None of this had been easy, and he didn’t see why woodcarving would be different. But Arthur threw himself into the work with gusto for Merlin’s sake.
A few hours later he was less enthusiastic. Mostly because his dragon looked more like a turtle, and he had accidentally cut one of its wings off. Easy. Right.
Arthur grabbed another chunk of wood and began again. A few hours later, he had what looked like a lopsided lizard with strange growths on his back. If he squinted very hard, perhaps it could be a dragon?
Danad looked at him sympathetically, “Perhaps try something easier than a dragon?”
Arthur glared at him.
“Or not.”
He felt better about his third attempt until Danad spoke up, “OH, you decided to do something different after all! But why an airplane?”
That was when Arthur gave up on wood carving and chucked the attempt into a distant waste basket before storming out of the shed.
As he sat next to Sebile in the library, Arthur eyed the giant needles he held in his grasp with warryness.
“I got it started with the yarn. Just try to do what I told you. Though I really think you should start with a scarf, not mittens.” Sebile told Arthur.
“This is Merlin,” Arthur told her. “He has at least 20 scarves. He seems to have decided that he cannot wear any outfit without something around his neck to match it. What he doesn't have is a pair of mittens.”
Sebile gave in, easily knitting a scarf of her own. “Alright. Just follow the pattern.”
Clinking needles together and struggling with yarn, Arthur spent the next several hours at war with the project in his hands. Trying to correct its shape and keep a hold of the yarn that was needed to make it.
He didn’t realize things had gone wrong until he noticed the mitten now looked like the packs he had seen many women wear that draped around the shoulder. Arthur panicked, trying to adjust his work and get back on pattern. There were holes in his project now… He was pretty sure there was only supposed to be one hole, and it should be in another place.
Scowling, Arthur threw aside his attempt and started again. This time, he actually managed to make a mitten successfully; the problem was it was so big he was positive it would just fall off Merlin's hand.
Yarn was everywhere as he made his third attempt. This one was recognizable as a glove again, but with a gaping hole and much too small.
“Are you sure you don’t want to make a scarf?” Sebile asked.
“No, I can do this.”
He couldn’t do this. By the time evening fell Arthur sat surrounded by discarded attempts and wanted to scream. He couldn’t make himself try it again. He just couldn't. All that hope and effort and then nothing.
“It’s not bloody working.” He told Sebile. “And I’m running out of time. I’m going to try something else.”
Arthur stood, stretching his cramped legs, and exited the library.
Yule was the day after tomorrow. He only had one more chance. Whatever Bedi could teach him had to work. It just had to.
He was happy he had gotten a backup gift for Merlin. One of the huge poofy chairs Merlin had taken such a liking to on their trip to London. But he knew Merlin would appreciate and treasure something handmade. It had to work. His attempt with Bedi had to work.
“Is there anything else we need for Yule?” Arthur asked Merlin that night as they lay in their bed.
“Let’s see.” His warlock said. “We have the Yule log to burn, we have the Wassail. Decorations are done. Roslyn made mince pie, and the rest of the feast besides the pudding. Elaine made the pudding, Lyennete made some baked goods. Sebile handled the mistletoe. You got us the Yule tree. We’re set.”
He trailed a finger over Arthur’s bare chest which did not make it easy to think. And Arthur needed to think.
“We need the Yule lance.” He came up with a new task spot. Arthur needed Merlin to be busy the next day.
“Arthur, I’ve lived for over a thousand years, and I’ve never heard of a Yule lance.” Merlin didn’t even pause in running his finger over Arthur's chest.
“It's a Camelot tradition.” Arthur defended himself. He really was finding it hard to think with Merlin's finger running so lightly over him it made his skin tingle.
“Arthur, I spent years celebrating Yule in Camelot, and I never heard of a Yule lance.”
“It’s something that is unique to knights and nobles.” Nice! Arthur congratulated himself. Finally, a good lie. There was no way Merlin could say he would not know it then!
Merlin snorted in disbelief, removing his finger from Arthur’s chest and moving it to his face instead. “Alright, what exactly is a Yule lance?” He traced his finger over Arthur’s jaw.
Arthur cast around for a good answer. “A lance is made of easily breakable wood with some holes bored in it… and knights take turns running it into a wall until it breaks.” He began, “Oh, and the lance has to be procured by someone very close to the current King. So I suppose that would be you. If you can’t find a lance you can always buy something like it.” Nice.
Merlin draped himself over Arthur and closed his eyes. “Fine. I’ll get the ‘Yule lance’ tomorrow.”
As soon as Merlin drove off, Arthur found Bedi in the spare room they had chosen. Looking around, Arthur could see a great deal of different colored thread and fabrics. “You’re going to teach me sewing, or embroidery?” Arthur eyed his surroundings with unease. All his life, it had been drummed into him that these things were women's work. But, perhaps, like so many other things, that had changed. After all, Bedi definitely seemed to be into this kind of thing, and they were not female. They were not male either, but the principle was the same.
Arthur looked back to Bedi. They were standing with their arms crossed and a single eyebrow raised.
Arthur cleared his throat, “What… what got you into..”
“Into sewing?” Bedi provided helpfully. “I like making my own clothing. It's relaxing, and I can make things exactly how I want them, that fit exactly how I want them to. Most clothing is made by machines but I always prefer to hand sew and embroider.”
Arthur took a deep breath and sat down. “I’m ready.”
Bedi looked slightly impressed at his acceptance of this and grinned at him. “We’re not going to make you do clothing, Sire. Something simple instead. Simple embroidery on a neckcloth seems to fit.”
As Bedi showed Arthur a few types of simple embroidery stitches, Arthur paid rapt attention. He was going to make Merlin the best embroidered neckerchief that Merlin had ever seen.
Arthur spent the next few hours carefully using the stitches Bedi had shown him to try to make a dragon on a neckerchief. For once, things actually seemed to be going well. The dragon looked like a dragon; nothing had exploded, and he didn’t even stab himself with a needle.
Everything was perfect until he saw Merlin arrive back in the courtyard through the window he had made sure he was facing, and stood up.
Arthur, he had sewn the cloth well alright… But he had also sewn it to his jeans .
For a moment, he stared at the neckerchief, which was now stuck to him aghast. Then reality rushed back.
“Take them off! Take them off!” Bedi encouraged. “Hurry! I’ll dispose of them!”
Arthur was already pulling his jeans off and throwing them aside. For a moment he let himself mourn his favorite pair, then he raced out of the room. He had to get back to his and Merlin’s room before Merlin could notice, and preferably before anyone saw him in his knickers either. Arthur raced through the halls of Camelot, only to turn a corner and run into Merlin.
His sorcerer dropped the stick he was holding. His eyes widened slightly at the sight of Arthur in his boxers. “Er Arthur?”
Arthur wondered if Merlin felt like this the numerous times he had caught him doing something that seemed strange for a magic related reason. He could remember a few dresses, mirrors, the like.
“My jeans were too uncomfortable. I had to throw them away.” He tried.
“You mean your favorite pair?” Merlin raised a brow in an almost perfect imitation of Gaius. His head tilted to the side in his own classic I cannot believe you pose.
“Yes. Turns out I was wrong about them.” Arthur hoped Merlin would accept that. He did not want to be standing here in his knickers anymore.
“And it took you three months to realize this?” Merlin asked. It had been too much to hope he would just accept things.
“Yes… Perhaps they were washed wrong!”
“I washed them just as I always do!” Merlin snapped.
“Someone must have messed with the washing machine then!” Arthur retorted.
“You think someone sabotaged the washing machine? I did a whole load!”
Facing the prospect of having to throw away all his jeans to keep his current explanation going, Arthur caved. “It must have been something else then. Who knows, I’m going to our rooms now.” He rushed off before Merlin could question him further.
Arthur faced Yule, slightly sad in the knowledge that he had failed in his goal. But he tried to push that away. They enjoyed a feast near a burning Yule log and a tree covered in berries, as well as carved robins and wrens. Everyone exchanged gifts with each other. With noticeable standouts including:
Black colored homemade cosmetics - Elaine to Lyenette
A pair of the most ineffective looking handcuffs Arthur had ever seen - Kei to Bedi.
A bottle of homemade lube - Elaine to Merlin.
Homemade pickles spiced perfectly - Bedi to Elaine.
A new potted Brahmi plant - Elaine to Sebile.
Vouchers to print whatever messages he wanted on t-shirts - Danad to Arthur.
A purple, yellow, black, and white pin with the message: 'kicking-ass: gotta be one of my favorite genders' on it - Elaine to Bedi.
An entire brand new set of kitchen cutlery - Arthur to Roslyn.
“How to sneak surprises for your partner the right way: A guidebook” - Elaine to Arthur.
Merlin’s gift for Arthur came last, and he stepped up with a bit of a grin, “This is a little untraditional, but I’ve been busy.” He handed over a wrapped box.
Arthur ripped off the paper, wondering what Merlin would call an untraditional, and opened the box. When he did, he could only lift up what he saw as his heart sped up, and he tried not to cry.
It was his gifts, all his gifts. Parts of each strung up into a beautiful mobile.
He could see parts of photos, bits of glass, wood, salt dough, yarn, and a scrap of embroidery.
And somehow, all his mess-ups did not look like mess-ups anymore. They did not feel like mess-ups anymore. They looked like art. Perfectly made into something beautiful by Merlin’s hands.
Arthur looked at Merlin, speechless. “It's for our room,” Merlin told him with a slight smile.
Arthur yanked Merlin to him, pulling him into a tight embrace. He didn’t know what to say and did his best not to cry as he buried his face in Merlin's neck. It took him a great deal of time to control himself, and the new knights, sorcerers, and cook and smith of Camelot gave that.
Then, something occurred to Arthur.
“How long have you known I…” He pulled back to ask.
“From the beginning, you’re not sneaky at all,” Merlin told him, grinning.
“ Mer lin, all those times you chose to give me a hard time instead of going with what I was doing…”
Merlin grinned wider. “I couldn’t resist having some fun with it, Arthur.”
Arthur would let him get away with it this time. But only because the gift had been so perfect and he had priorities. Arthur pulled Merlin into a kiss.
Interestingly Arthur did find a craft he could manage but only a month later. He presented a dragon to Merlin, made with something YouTube called origami.