Archive of Our Own

Fool’s Gold had a problem. A very Mike Morton-shaped problem. In honesty, it was the lack of Mike Morton that was the problem. 

Fool’s Gold was in another match with Mike and Norton, and he could already feel a headache pounding at his skull. The two were sickeningly sweet together, and Fool’s Gold tried his best to find Norton first so he could chair the bastard. 

How nice it must be to have a partner like Mike, who always comes to Norton’s rescue, and cheers Norton on while he kites, and gives Norton kisses when he does a good job during a match…

With a swing of his pickaxe, Fool’s Gold downed Norton and tossed him into a chair. Norton spat on the ground as he glared at the taller version of himself. 

“Who pissed in your cereal this morning?” 

“None of your business,” Fool’s Gold replied gruffly. In the distance, he could already make out Mike’s boisterous form running their way. 

Placing a crystal near the chair, Fool’s Gold watched as Mike neared closer - a red bomb in his hand.

Well, that won’t do … Fool’s Gold leisurely backed up a few paces as Mike unwound the ropes holding Norton in. Fool’s Gold stepped forward and waited for Mike to use his bomb, and with perfect timing he swung his pickaxe low as Mike jumped, clipping Norton’s legs. 

Mike blushed in embarrassment as he realized that he had gotten Norton downed. “I’m sorry!” 

Fool’s Gold ballooned Norton, ignoring the way he thrashed about. “You have nothing to apologize for, Mike. It was this idiot who shouldn’t have gotten caught so early in the match.” 

Mike, knowing very well that Fool’s Gold would let him rescue Norton from the chair again without fear of terror shock, tried to think of a plan to divert the hunter’s attention. Luckily for him, he didn’t have to think of a plan as he spotted a certain prisoner headed their way…

+++

Fool’s Gold watched with a furious scowl as Norton and Mike managed to escape, their hands linked together as they ran away. 

Before they could get too far, Mike looked back at Fool's Gold, a mix of trepidation, guilt, and longing on his face. Fool’s Gold knows why Mike would choose Norton over himself. They were, technically speaking, the same person, but they had different experiences at the manor. Not only that, but Fool’s Gold himself was monstrous - in looks and in personality. 

Even if Mike wanted to see him, there would be barely any opportunities to do so other than through their matches. It was rare for the owner of the manor to be in such a good mood that he would let the hunters mingle with the survivors. How could Fool’s Gold blame Mike? He wouldn't choose himself either.

That doesn't mean he can’t want - so want, he did.

+++

God must favor him, because, by some miracle, his prayers were answered. 

He exited his room in the Hunter’s side of the manor, feeling a buzzing energy in the air. At this point, it was familiar to him - a clear indicator that a new hunter had arrived. The other relatively social hunters gathered in the shared ‘living room.’ 

Geisha paced around the room, the bow on her back bouncing and fluttering around. Bloody Queen - Mary , Fool’s Gold unwillingly remembered each of the hunter’s names - watched her friend as she walked in circles, sitting on an armchair with one leg crossed over the other. 

Burke leaned against one of the walls, using his staff as support. Robbie failed to contain his excitement, which inadvertently annoyed Keigan, who stood a foot’s length away. The clerk used her cane to smack Robbie on the butt, and he yelped comically before turning around to face the irritated lady. 

“Simmer down,” she commanded, and the boy held his behind before letting out a hmph! and stomped over to Burke. 

A few more hunters settled into the room, including Fool’s Gold himself, who stood beside an antsy Ithaqua. They chatted idly about the new hunter, with theories and hypotheses floating around the room. 

Mary, who couldn’t help herself with theatrics, tapped her shoe against the floor sharply. Its loud noise silenced most of the other hunters, who looked to her for an explanation. Her only response was to silently hold up an envelope - which they all knew held the ‘name’ of the newest addition to the group. 

“How long have you had that in your grasp, Mary?” Joseph raised an inquisitive brow at her, long used to her antics. 

“Not too long,” Mary replied. 

Robbie tilted his head to the side. “But you haven’t moved from that chair for the past hour!” 

Keigan and Burke raised their canes slightly, warning the boy to stop talking. Robbie huffed and ran his nails over the cracks in the walls, opting out of the conversation. 

Geisha walked up to Mary, excitement on her face. “Open it, please!” 

Mary used her nails to cut the envelope easily and unfolded the paper to read. Geisha and Joseph stood behind her so they could read along. 

“It seems this new hunter doesn’t have an actual name…” Mary paused for a few seconds as the rest of the crowd waited in anticipation. “Because they are yet another identity switch.” 

Fool’s Gold glanced at Ithaqua, who looked as uninterested as he was. Just before they could even think about leaving, Mary finally spoke their ‘name’ to the crowd. 

“Their alias is ‘Hullabaloo,’ it seems.” 

Interest fully regained, Fool’s Gold could only hypothesize as the crowd murmured to themselves. Hullabaloo, the place that Mike loved most. The place where he shined brightest. The place that was taken away from him…

Fool’s Gold pondered the other circus members who could also become a hunter. Frankly, it could be either of the others as well - Murro and Margaretha. Each of them was equally likely to have an identity switch. Fool’s Gold looked around the room and noticed Joker was absent. Good , he thought to himself grimly. 

Without much more for them to go off of, the crowd of hunters eagerly awaited for the newest member’s first match to be over. Unfortunately, none of them could spectate the spectacle, but they were allowed to view the list of survivors who had the lucky opportunity to be fresh meat to the beast. 

Mercenary, Priestess, Doctor, and Prisoner. 

Ouch… Fool’s Gold had to think to himself. That lineup is brutal. 

The other hunters were in agreement as they grimaced and waited with baited breath. The grandfather clock behind them chimed deeply, marking the beginning of the match. Robbie ran around the room with boundless excitement, and Geisha counted each tick of the clock with a click of her tongue. 

With only a few minutes passing by, the crowd was shocked to hear the clock chime once again, marking the end of the very quick match. 

“That…What does that mean?” Geisha questioned. 

“Either the new hunter got their ass handed to them, or they are incredibly formidable,” Joseph said with a thin press of his lips. 

Thankfully, it wasn’t long until the post-match doors opened in front of them. Mary, Geisha, and Joseph stood to attention as they were usually the first people to welcome the newcomers. Fool’s Gold recalled his first match, unrememberable by all means, and felt only confusion and annoyance as they first explained the manor to him. 

Coming back to the present, the room was filled with hushed whispers as there was a noticeable lack of footsteps coming down the hall. Only a dull creaking echoed through the chamber - like a rusted wheel that squeaked with every roll around its axis. 

After a few long moments, a figure came into sight. And what a sight it was…

Fool’s Gold’s eyes widened as he took in ‘Hullabaloo’s’ form. His skin was pale, phantom-like porcelain, broken and misshapen in all the right places. His body was born of rusted springs and coils - which explained the creaking of his body as he floated in the air - and his blonde hair floated in a crescent shape. Clutched in his hand was a broken snow globe, which held a minuscule circus in its center. ‘Hullabaloo’ held it dearly, even as his face was drenched in golden tears. 

The sight of the tears halted each of the hunter's approach, awkwardness in the air as they had rarely seen such a pitiful hunter before. They finally had their answer about how their first match went, though, and it was clear that Hullabaloo got his ass handed to him by the other survivors. There was no chance he could have bested them in this state. Did he even fight back? 

Mary, Geisha, and Joseph stood frozen as the new hunter didn’t even glance their way. He creaked and floated to another room, eyes lost, confused, and hurt as he stared at his snow globe. 

After a few moments of complete silence, Mary cleared her throat and addressed the room. “He’ll come around…I hope.” 

+++

He did not, in fact, come around. 

Every match he seemed to be landed in failed miserably. The other hunters were unaware if Hullabaloo was just a terrible hunter, or refused to participate in the matches until Mary used a friendly match to interrogate some survivors who had frequented Hullabaloo’s games. 

As it turned out, Hullabaloo just didn’t understand how to be a good hunter. Even Mind’s Eye could comfortably kite two ciphers around him, and each match would end up in either Hullabaloo surrendering or each of the survivors pitying the hunter as they ran to the exit gates. 

Fool’s Gold could tell it was harming the poor hunter’s mental state even further than it already was damaged. They entered the post-game doors each time with tears in their eyes, and Fool’s Gold finally had enough one day as the hunter crossed the threshold after a particularly rough match. 

“Hey,” Fool’s Gold called. “Enough crying.” 

Hullabaloo finally seemed to snap out of their stupor in order to glare at Fool’s Gold with anger and confusion. “Who are you to tell me-”

“-I’m going to teach you how to be a good hunter.” 

Hullabaloo paused for a second to take in the information, then huffed dismissively. “I don’t need your help.”

“Is that what you told the other hunters?” 

“Yes.” 

Fool’s Gold crossed his arms, pickaxe in hand. “Well, I’m not giving you a choice here. The owner of the manor isn’t going to be pleased if you don’t improve and continue to disappoint him. So you’re coming with me.” 

Hullabaloo blinked up at him, confusion outweighing the anger he felt. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you are the very last person I expected to help me with this.” 

“Well, that’s not very nice,” Fool’s Gold smirked. He knew of his hard, bristly exterior towards other people. It was just that Mike was the only person who could break him and expose his softer side. Not that ‘Hullabaloo’ knew. Not yet, anyway. 

They made it to the training grounds in the enclosed area outside. Fool’s Gold explained the simple ins and outs of matches - some of which Hullabaloo already knew about, and some he did not. 

The difficult part of the training came with Hullabaloo’s special abilities. He didn’t actually damage survivors directly. Fool’s Gold had to shake his head in disbelief. Of course Mike’s hunter identity would never want to hurt people with such bruteness, unlike Fool’s Gold himself. He couldn’t count how many times he had downed a survivor using nothing but a ruthless swing of his pickaxe to the head. 

Eventually, after some trial and error, Fool’s Gold could understand what Hullabaloo was intended to do as a hunter. It was a very different style from his own, but it didn’t mean he couldn’t give pointers on things he did know about. 

With Hullabaloo’s tears dried, a bit of his actual personality shone through as he managed to ‘down’ a training dummy. He brought the broken explosives to his hands and juggled them idly as Fool’s Gold went over their plan to help Hullabaloo win games. His eyes regained a tiny spark of life back into them as the evening went on, and eventually, Hullabaloo was chairing the training dummies with more confidence than before. 

The night rolled around quickly, and Hullabaloo tentatively smiled at the other hunter. “I appreciate you teaching me today. Tell me, do you have a name? An actual name? I assume you weren’t born as ‘Fool’s Gold?’”

Fool’s Gold hummed, a smirk playing on his lips. “I do have an actual name, but I’m not going to tell you what it is.” 

Hullabaloo frowned. “Why not?!” he demanded.

Fool’s Gold knew he would have to explain identity switches to him. “Is your name Hullabaloo?”

“No, its-...” the other hunter scratched his chin with a pale hand. “I…don’t know…” 

“That’s right,” Fool’s Gold said. “All the survivors know us by an alias, just like we know them by an alias. Some of us are different, however. By some kind of…magic, the owner of the manor created some of us hunters from existing survivors in the manor. Thus, we have what are called ‘identity switches.’ Both you and me are this kind of hunter. We do have normal names, but we share them with our survivor counterparts.” 

Hullabaloo took a second to process this, a cute pout frozen on his face. “So you are actually a survivor, and so am I? But…I don’t think I’ve met the other versions of us.” 

“Don’t be surprised that you haven’t met them, there are plenty of survivors around here, so the chances of you being matched with them are slim.” 

“Alright then,” Hullabaloo said resolutely, “I’ll keep my eyes peeled. I’ll find these other versions of us.”

+++

After their training session together, Hullabaloo decided that he and Fool’s Gold were the best of friends - which was of no surprise to Fool’s Gold himself. Mike and Hullabaloo were very similar, with a key difference being Hullabaloo’s lack of innocence, but all of the mischief. 

Fool’s Gold was constantly the victim of Hullabaloo’s shenanigans, ranging from pranks in the manor to sabotage in duo matches. Luckily for him, the ‘sabotage’ Hullabaloo had in mind was playing mind games with the survivors and herding them toward Fool’s Gold, so he felt overwhelmed by the amount of people he needed to focus on.

 It always ended in a victory for them anyway. 

Hullabaloo finally understood what he was meant to accomplish as a hunter, and with it, he became an average threat in matches. The survivors still loved him though, especially Memory. Hullabaloo would always turn friendly and dance around with the little girl when she was with him in a match, which earned him a favorable reputation on the survivor's side. 

Eventually, Hullabaloo matched up with his survivor self and suddenly became self-conscious of his own body. One day, during the hunter’s time off matches, Fool’s Gold sat in the lounge as Hullabaloo rested himself on the back of a loveseat and bemoaned. 

“Do you think I look hideous?” 

Fool’s Gold raised a brow. “Who said you looked hideous?” 

“Nobody, it’s just that…my survivor self looks much better than I do. I’m a monster.” 

Fool’s Gold turned around to face Hullabaloo, using his stone hand to poke at Hullabaloo’s ribs. “Quit that. You aren’t hideous. If you’re hideous, then what do you think I look like?” 

Hullabaloo shook his head. “That’s completely different! You aren’t ugly at all! You’re so tall, and have a nice smile - when you smile ,” he whispered, “and I think you’re really cool.” 

“Hmm,” Fool’s Gold hummed. “Don’t say that now. You haven’t even met my survivor self.” 

Hullabaloo’s eyes widened. “You’re right! I still don’t even know your name,” he held Fool’s Gold’s head between his hands, squishing the flesh of his cheeks. “Just you wait, it’ll happen eventually.” 

“Oh, how I count the days…” 

+++

It wasn’t even a whole week until Fool’s Gold watched Hullabaloo practically throw himself across the manor to get to him - a bright look in his eyes. Ah, this is it. 

“I know your name~” Hullabaloo sing-song’d. 

“Is that so?” Fool’s Gold feigned nonchalance. 

“Yes!” Hullabaloo said brightly. “I saw this handsome, scarred man in my last match. He was so brave and cunning!” The hunter held his cheek in his hands as he dreamily retold of his encounter. 

Fool’s Gold couldn’t help but smirk at the praise Hullabaloo was giving him. “So, what was his name?” 

Hullabaloo pointed at Fool’s Gold. “Naib Subedar!” He exclaimed. 

…

Fool’s Gold nearly spat blood. He immediately turned on Hullabaloo and smacked him upside the head. “That wasn’t me, dumbass!” 

Hullabaloo laughed a hearty thing that shook his whole upper body. It bounced up and down on his spring torso, tears leaking from his eyes like starlight. “I know, I know! Don’t be mad, I was joking, Norton!” 

The anger immediately left his body as Hullabaloo said his name. “Don’t do that again, brat ,” he threatened weakly. I was ready to plan that Mercenary's death.” Reaching down to his head, Fool’s Gold took Hullabaloo’s hat off and ruffled his hair. 

“Hehe, don’t worry. You’re the only one here that I find attractive, Norton,” Hullabaloo had a wide grin up to his blushing cheeks. 

Fool’s Gold smiled, using his humanoid hand to cup Hullabaloo’s small face. Gazing down at the smaller hunter’s beautiful face, Fool’s Gold had to thank God for answering his prayers and sending an angel to his door. He would make sure that Hullabaloo was never lost to him.

He would also make sure that that bastard Norton knew how off-limits Hullabaloo was to him, just as Norton once made sure Fool’s Gold could never touch Mike…