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So Thanksgiving is supposed to bring people together, to not cause chaos for once. The 100th threw that completely out the window.
Thanksgiving is as chaotic as every other holiday if not worse, because there's food involved.
So in 1944, Red, Harding, Kidd came together to make some ground rules, which were passed out at a meeting three weeks before Thanksgiving.
Lets go over what the 100th is definitely not gonna follow.
Number one: Leave the mess cooks the fuck alone, they know what they're doing.
Number two: Hambone please don't put an uncooked turkey on your head, it's not funny.
Number three: Brady licking the oven door isn't gonna speed up the pie cooking process, so please reframe from doing that.
Number four: No we aren't deep frying the turkey, you nearly burned the base to the ground last year.
Number five: Please don't invite every Joe, and Steve you find. It's our dinner.
Number six: To the paratroopers that show up, you get one plate and no you can't have to go boxes.
Additionally: Babe don't think about putting thanksgiving dinner in Ralph or Gene's medic bag, no leftovers.
Number seven: Snafu, one where did you come from? Because your unit is stationed in the Pacific and two stop stealing our butter and our pumpkin pie please.
Additionally: The ginger who looks like Babe but stretched out, don't encourage him.
Number eight: There's a couples table and a singles table, please molest each other with rolls at your assigned table.
Additionally: Looking at you Bucky and Buck, I never want to see that again.
Number nine: There's a kids table, it's a Quinn and Babyfaces table. Leave them alone or you'll get the chores that nobody wants.
Number ten: You'll be booted if you cause problems, don't test us.
Number eleven: Luz, starting food fights is not funny, your impression of Red is.
Number twelve: DeMarco, leave Meatball outside he'll be fine trust me.
Additionally: Talbert, Trigger isn't allowed either.
Number thirteen: Eat your vegetables, they aren't gross, the cooks spent hours making this for you idiots. So eat.
Number fourteen: Don't make Thanksgiving smoothies, Smokey is already torturing his patients with it, don't torture yourself.
Number fifteen: We are writing down what we are thankful for, because there's to many of you. Each table will read a couple and then we'll eat.
Additionally: You can not put "Boobies." As something your thankful for Skip, I know it's you.
Number sixteen: There will be a service after dinner for people who want it, no buffoonery.
Number seventeen: Don't invite Sobel please, I know you think it's funny to watch him go absolutely insane. But we all collectively hate the man, he's annoying.
Number eighteen: One slice of pie, and no ridiculous toppings. Blakely please don't put cheese on apple pie, what is wrong with you?
Number nineteen: Don't hide the vegan turkey this year, it's not funny we aren't made of money people.
Number twenty: Don't break glasses giving cheers or your cleaning up the mess.
And so the key to surviving past Thursday. Just survive. Survive the chaos. Survive the weridness. And when everyone returns to where they're supposed to be. It's not about the mess, or Hambone wearing the turkey, or Georges food fights. It's about coming together, however dysfunctional we are, that's the part you'll remember, right after you've forgotten who's stolen all the pumpkin pie.
Ps. "Snafu I know you added that last line, put down the pumpkin pie."