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Astral Hunter Dinner

Summary:

The Astral Express crew and the Stellaron Hunters gathered to have a family dinner together. It did not end well... for everyone else.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

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If one were to ask the Astral Express crew or the Stellaron Hunters how the very first dinner between the two groups went, they would tell you that everything went fine. If one were to ask the many witnesses who were there, however, one would be treated to the sight of the person either fleeing in terror or dramatically falling to their knees and sobbing loudly.

It all started when Caelus and Stelle had the fantastic idea to invite both the Astral Express crew and the Stellaron Hunters for a family dinner. It did not matter that the Stellaron Hunters were some of the most wanted criminals in the current known galaxy, or that neither of them knew how to host a dinner in the first place, let alone a dinner between two of the most famous and infamous groups respectively.

However, if there was one thing the siblings knew, it was that once they decided to do something, they would damn well do it. Dan Heng, March, and Blade could attest to the fact, having been unfortunate witnesses to the siblings’ single-minded pursuit of the mysteries of the universe that lay within the confines of the common dumpster.

(The world must be ending if both Dan Heng and Blade could agree on something.)

Ignoring the fact that the Stellaron Hunters were an intergalactic criminal organisation and the members were wanted dead by about eighty percent of the entire galaxy, both parties happily agreed to attend the family dinner.

However, when it came to the matter of choosing a neutral area where both the Stellaron Hunters and Astral Express crew could have a nice quiet dinner without people attempting to arrest or kill the Stellaron Hunters and without people trying to rope the Astral Express into fixing the many problems in the vast galaxy, the two Stellaron siblings were having trouble.

Their first choice was obviously the Astral Express.

However, after Pom-Pom made them promise to clean up and pay for any damage incurred should the meeting between Dan Heng and Blade, as well as Himeko and Kafka not end well, both Caelus and Stelle decided against the first option. After all, knowing how much damage a single Stellaron Hunter and Nameless could do in the span of one hour, they would rather not be in debt for the rest of their probably-immortal lives.

Their second choice was Herta Space Station.

It was relatively neutral as long as they planned the dinner around the IPC meetings and inspection schedules. Herta did not care if there was an intergalactic criminal organisation on her doorstep as long as they did not mess with her experiments. However, Herta still held a grudge against Silver Wolf from the time she left her mark all over the space station, all of which took several working days to remove. Additionally, the researchers, although rather proficient in their fields of expertise, were terrible when it came to the culinary arts.

“Why are half of our family wanted criminals?” Caelus asked as he struck off another location from the list.

“But Caelus, you’re a wanted criminal too,” Stelle pointed out.

“Oh, yeah.”

Their third choice was the city of Belobog. If the Astral Express made a request to the Supreme Guardian, Bronya would definitely agree to it. However, as Belobog was still recovering from the Stellaron crisis as well as the major political upheaval with the change in leadership, the city would likely not be able to survive the aftermath, should a clash happen.

The last place they were considering was the Tatalov in Penacony. It was a luxurious airship once known as the Radiant Feldspar, and the moment Stelle had gotten her hands on it, she promptly changed its name. If the Astral Express crew had any complaints about the amendment, especially to a name that belonged to the legendary Garbage King, they said nothing about it.

The Tatalov was perfect. It was located in Penacony, within the dream world of the planet. This meant that if the ship was destroyed in the aftermath of the dinner, there would be almost no real-life consequences.

Caelus had been ecstatic when Stelle told him about the ship and the name change, even expressing his desire to visit the ship one day multiple times. Now that an opportunity had presented itself, both siblings would not waste it.

“So why did we make a list?” Caelus asked as he watched Stelle fold the list into a paper plane. ”We already knew where we wanted to have the banquet.”

Stelle paused, her fingers still pressing down on the folds of the paper, before looking up at her brother and shrugging.

It was surprisingly easy to host a banquet on the Tatalov. All Stelle had to do was wave her hand and the crew aboard the ship were rushing and pushing each other to get it done. With the knowledge that her family, the Astral Express crew as well as her brother and his family would be attending the banquet, the ship’s crew went into overdrive. From the meticulously planned menu of everyone’s favourite food to cleaning every nook and cranny of the ship three times over, everything had to be perfect.

“I don’t understand why they had to kick me out,” Stelle complained as she leaned against Caelus who groaned in frustration when the action made him miss the combo in the rhythm game he was playing.

She had shown up at the Tatalov, only to immediately be asked to leave… Which led her to inviting her brother to the Seclusion Zone on Herta Space Station so she could vent her frustrations to him, surrounded by Ruan Mei’s creations.

“Well they admire you, right?” he said as he restarted the song. He was beating this stage no matter what, otherwise he would never hear the end of Silver Wolf gloating. “They probably want you to see it when it’s perfect and not before that.”

“Well yeah, but I want to help too.”

Caelus paused the game and set his phone aside. He turned to Stelle, noting the frown on her face. “There are still other ways you and I can help as well. What about the invitations? We haven’t sent those out yet.”

“Do we need to? It’s only our family, right?”

“...I want to though,” Caelus said as he turned his head to look at the critters doodling on sheets of paper scattered across the floor. “It sounds fun.”

There was a pause. “It does sound fun,” Stelle admitted with a smile. “Let’s do it.”

Caelus grinned at his sister before grabbing his phone and pulling out his note application. “We need some fancy papers, pens and markers.”

“And glitter, can’t forget about that,” Stelle added and Caelus nodded in agreement, his thumbs flying across the screen as he quickly wrote down the items they would need to buy.

After the two siblings double-checked the items they wanted to buy, they quickly ordered the items using Stelle’s account and borrowing Asta’s credit card, though not before promising that they would return the money. They could not use their own when someone from the Astral Express or Stellaron Hunters could notice. It was meant to be a surprise, after all. Fortunately, Asta was understanding, although the two had to convince her not to buy the luxury brand of pens and markers that cost more than ten times the ones that the two siblings were considering as a gift to them.

The moment the delivery was dropped off at the entrance of the Seclusion Zone, the two siblings got to work. Stelle went to retrieve the delivery while Caelus went about setting up their workspace. The critters bounced around him, one or two diving between his legs as he carried the table out of storage.

“Hey, you’re going to make me fall,” he scolded Trash Cake, but the critter merely meowed at him and rubbed its cheek on his ankle.

Caelus sighed when the other critters gathered around him and started snuggling his legs, making it impossible to move. He begged them to move, pleaded with them, but the creatures pretended they could not understand him. He was trapped and his arms were starting to get tired.

“This isn’t fair,” he complained despite knowing that the critters below him were not listening. “Who taught you to weaponize your cuteness against me? Was it Stelle?”

“I did nothing of the sort,” his sister said as she walked past him and dropped a box on the floor.

“Stelle! You’re back! Save me, please!”

Stelle hummed, her fingers under her chin, as if seemingly considering Caelus’ request. “I don’t know, you seem to be fine.”

“Come on Stelle, don’t leave me like this! My arms are aching! I don’t want to drop the table on them!”

Fortunately, Stelle took pity on her brother and rescued him from the army of critters, even helping him set up the table as the critters ran around and between their legs. The box was moved from the floor to the table and Trash Cake leapt up, landing on the table and curiously approaching the box.

“Curious?” Caelus asked as he tore off the tape and Trash Cake meowed in response.

He tipped the box over, letting the contents pour out onto the table — bundles of paper, pens, and markers. Stelle had gotten everything and a lot more.

“We can let the critters use the rest to make more cards for Ruan Mei,” Stelle explained as she set down the chairs by the table.

“You’re nicer to them than Ruan Mei is. If it were me, I would be using the surplus to write death threats,” Caelus said as he pulled the chair over and sat on it.

“And this is why I’m in charge of this abandoned part of the space station.”

The invitations were finished quickly and the critters descended upon the supplies left behind by the siblings like lions to a wounded deer. Caelus left the space station first with his bundle of invitations, while Stelle wanted to finish a run in the Simulated Universe before returning to the Astral Express.


Caelus stepped through the portal Silver Wolf left in the Seclusion Zone after his last visit. She had complained about having to ferry him to-and-fro several times, before finally setting up a portal so Caelus would stop interrupting her in the middle of an in-game raid just to get her to teleport him somewhere.

(He wondered if Herta was aware of the hidden portal.)

“I’m back!” Caelus called out the moment he stepped into the Stellaron Hunter base.

Kafka looked up from the report in her hands and smiled at the sight of her younger charge. “Caelus, welcome home. How was your day? Did you say hi to your sister for me?”

“She says hi back. Oh right, I’ve got invitations for everyone,” Caelus said as he pulled out the first invitation from his pocket. “It’s for a family dinner with the Astral Express crew. We hope you’ll accept it.”

Before Kafka could give her answer, Silver Wolf walked in mid-yawn and blinked in surprise at the sight of Caelus. “Oh, you’re back,” she said with another yawn.

“All-night raid again?” Caelus asked, to which Silver Wolf nodded. “Before you head back to sleep, here.”

Silver Wolf took the invitation and scrutinised the many hand-drawn critters covering the entire card. “Who drew this?”

“Stelle. She would’ve drawn more if she wasn’t running out of space to write.”

Silver Wolf let out an amused snort. “I’ll frame it and hang it up with all my collectibles. Anyway, you said something about a family dinner?”

“We should gather everyone so you won’t have to explain it twice,” Kafka suggested.

In the end, they decided to have an early dinner. As soon as the food was delivered to their doorstep and placed on the table, the rest of the Stellaron Hunters received their invitations. Blade smiled at his invitation, Firefly was showing Silver Wolf how adorable the cat versions of her and SAM looked like, and as for Elio…

“Why are the cats flipping me off?” he asked, turning the card over in his hand to show the rest of the Stellaron Hunters.

“Stelle found out you sent me on that mission with Kafka where I got sick,” Caelus explained with a mouth full of delicious fried meat of unknown origins. “I did tell her it wasn’t your fault because you didn’t know the Stellaron would do that.”

Elio took a look at his invitation again and gently lowered the card on the table. “Thank you for the invitation, but I will have to decline.”

“What!?” Caelus dropped his food and spluttered out. “But why?”

“I fear for my life,” Elio replied honestly, glancing down at the picture of several Trash Cakes glaring murderously at him while flipping him off.

“But it would make us very happy if you went,” Caelus said. At that, Elio raised a brow and Caelus corrected, “It would make me very happy if you went.”

“You do not require my presence.”

Caelus closed his eyes. He really did not want to resort to this. It was a skill that he learned from the great masters of the Seclusion Zone, a skill that he promised he would only inflict upon those who deserved it. He did not want to do this. He really did not want to do this, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

He opened his eyes and put on his best sad puppy face.

“Caelus…” Elio warned, but Caelus had not spent months learning this technique and testing them on every single critter including his masters. Elio would succumb. He just needed to keep this up. “Caelus, stop.”

A minute later, and Elio’s resolve finally crumbled. “I accept this invitation,” he said with a sigh, and Caelus cheered.

“Now then,” Kafka spoke up, drawing everyone’s attention to her. “We should prepare. Bladie, go take Caelus out shopping and buy him a proper suit,” she said, holding her credit card out in his direction. It was immediately snatched away by Blade, who then walked over and grabbed Caelus, hauling him out of the room like how one would carry an overgrown raccoon.

“Put me down! I can walk!” Caelus shouted, but Blade ignored him.

“So, ladies,” Kafka said as she leaned forward on the table. Caelus’ shouts could still be heard, but they were getting softer the further Blade took him. “What do you say we do a little shopping ourselves as well?”

“Didn’t you just hand over your credit card to Bladie?” Silver Wolf asked, but opened up the IPC shopping channel nonetheless.

“Elio’s paying this time.”

“Really?” Firefly said, directing her gaze to Elio who merely sighed.

“Keep it under five million credits this time, Kafka,” Elio said as he slid his credit card over to Kafka.


On the Astral Express, the crew were excited with the upcoming family dinner even if Himeko and March were still mildly upset over the other attendees. They kept quiet even if the shared sour expressions at the mention of the Stellaron Hunters told Stelle everything about their thoughts on the matter, but the Trailblazer appreciated the fact that they decided not to talk about it.

“We need clothes!” March exclaimed and grabbed Stelle’s hands. “We need to go shopping! Both of us need a new dress, and makeup, and—”

“March, remember the last time you went on an unsupervised shopping trip?” Dan Heng warned, though he had to fight a smile at their antics.

March stuck out her tongue at him, and Himeko stepped in, a fond smile on her face. “Why don’t we all go shopping, as a family?”

“I can pay for everyone,” Welt offered as he adjusted his glasses.

“Really, Mr. Yang?” March asked, her eyes sparkling at the thought of buying several dresses.

“Do keep the number of clothes to a reasonable amount.”

“You got it!”

Stelle watched silently as March grabbed Dan Heng and shoved her phone into his face to show him one of the dresses on the IPC online shopping channel, asking his opinion on the design of the clothing. She watched as Welt and Himeko discussed contingency plans for the dinner, and continued watching her family until Pom-Pom came up to her with their invitation in their paws.

“Passenger Stelle?” Pom-Pom called out as they looked sadly at their invitation. “Pom-Pom can’t leave the Astral Express so Pom-Pom can’t go.”

Oh. That was true, she had forgotten.

“Oh, sorry Pom-Pom. I was so used to you being there even when you’re not with us exploring the different planets that I forgot you can’t leave. Don’t worry Pom-Pom, I’ll convince March to stream so you can still be there.”

She would also need to tell her brother… Caelus was going to be upset. He would understand, but it would not change how disappointed he would be.

Pom-Pom puffed out their chest. “Don’t worry about Pom-Pom! But can you tell Passenger Caelus that Pom-Pom is sorry they can’t join? Pom-Pom will bake a cake for him as an apology.”

“Will you bake a cake for me too?”

Pom-Pom narrowed their eyes and stared at Stelle, unamused. “Caelus brings Pom-Pom gifts every time he visits. He also helps Pom-Pom clean the Astral Express and brings new music for the phonograph. He also listens to Pom-Pom talk and tells Pom-Pom stories of his missions. This cake is to thank him too,” Pom-Pom explained.

Since when did Caelus snuck aboard the Astral Express to do all of that? And for how long? Did no one notice at all? Dan Heng should have noticed, right?

Wait a minute…

“Does he visit Dan Heng afterwards?”

“Yup! Every visit, without fail, Passenger Caelus will visit Dan Heng’s room even if Dan Heng isn’t there before leaving the Astral Express.”

Oh? Oh. She was definitely going to tease her brother with that information in the future.


On the day of the first ever Astral Hunter Dinner, the Stellaron Hunters arrived on the Tatalov and almost sent the ship crashing down into the city below.

Silver Wolf thought it would be a great idea to have a grand entrance for the Stellaron Hunters. Caelus agreed, thinking that it would be a great opportunity to show off to his second family. Kafka allowed it since she knew it would make the two happy. Blade made no protest, only reminding them that they were running late. Firefly was hesitant, but agreed after Silver Wolf pleaded with her. And Elio did whatever Elio wanted.

The newly-created crater on the deck was quickly added to the list of the many tourist attractions one might find on the Tatalov.

Stelle was waiting in the VIP lounge with the rest of the Astral Express crew, and she immediately ran over and hugged her brother the moment she caught sight of him.

“You’re all here!” she said loudly, waving to the Stellaron Hunters even as she continued to hug her brother.

“Wouldn’t miss it for anything,” Caelus said with a wide grin. The Stellaron in his chest hummed happily, as though it too was delighted at having been reunited with its original.

As they continued to hug each other, Stelle looked over the rest of the Stellaron Hunters before doing a double take.

“Blade, why are you wearing a blindfold?” she asked, her grip tightening around Caelus while he struggled futilely.

“I don’t want to see Dan Heng.”

“Oh.”

It took a few minutes before Stelle finally let go of Caelus, and even then, she did it very hesitantly. “Come on Stelle, we don’t want to let the food get cold,” he said, making Stelle laugh.

“Don’t worry, even if the food did get cold, you’ll still eat it anyway.”

“Why would I waste perfectly good food?” Caelus retorted. “It’s just cold.”

Blade snorted, drawing Caelus attention to him. “You ate the frozen pizza directly from the freezer.”

“It was one time! I was hungry and tired! And Silver dared me to!”

Dan Heng sighed, but was amused nonetheless. “I will heat up the pizza for you next time.”

“Why do you heat up pizza for Caelus but not for any of us, Dan Heng? Your favouritism is getting too obvious!” March complained.

While their younger charges bickered among each other, Himeko glanced at Kafka, displeasure on her face. “Are you feeding him properly, Kafka?”

Kafka laughed. “You’re one to talk, Himeko. Firefly told me that she saw Stelle pick up a discarded sandwich and ate it.”

“Stelle!” both Himeko and Welt admonished, the girl cowering instinctively.

“It was one time!”

As soon as both the Stellaron Hunters and Astral Express crew showed up in the banquet hall, the crew members of the Tatalov immediately, and very enthusiastically, dropped everything they were doing and lined themselves up to greet the two families. Stelle puffed up her chest in pride, as though she was the one who trained her crew how to do that.

Everyone settled into their designated seats… or at least some of them did.

Caelus immediately pulled Dan Heng aside and sat his boyfriend down onto Blade’s seat, which led to Blade sitting between Stelle and March. Elio had disappeared at some point between entering the Tatalov and reaching the banquet hall. Kafka made herself comfortable beside Himeko with a glass of red wine in her hand as the latter was debating whether or not to gently knock over the glass the Stellaron Hunter was waving in front of her so the wine would spill and stain the very expensive evening gown Kafka was wearing. Firefly sat between Silver Wolf and Welt, and all three of them were engrossed in a serious discussion about the possibility of turning the Astral Express into a giant robot.

With everyone doing whatever they wanted, the crew of the Tatalov could only look on in despair.

The appetisers were served soon after, and without much fanfare. The crew of the Tatalov breathed a sigh of relief once the empty plates were cleared, believing that the mismatched sitting arrangements as well as the brand new tourist attraction on the deck would be the only disruptions to today’s event.

(They should have known better than to celebrate early.)

As the main course was being served, a squad of IPC soldiers broke into the banquet hall and demanded for the Stellaron Hunters to surrender. The Astral Express crew quickly got out of their seats, their weapons raised, while the Stellaron Hunters remained seated. All of them looked towards Kafka who smiled at them and sliced through the steak on her plate.

“Surrender now, Kafka!” a brave soldier shouted as they marched up towards the Stellaron Hunter and shoved their rifle in her face. Despite having a gun pointed at her, Kafka calmly chewed and swallowed her food before turning to the panicking waitress cowering at the corner.

“This is a very delicious steak,” she said and the soldier spluttered in outrage at being ignored. “My compliments to the chef.”

“Don’t ignore me!” the soldier said as they reached out to grab the Stellaron Hunter, only to get knocked down to the ground by a single punch.

“Don’t touch her!” Caelus shouted at the soldier, his gauntlets raised in warning. However, his words went unheard as the soldier lay unconscious on the ground.

“Caelus,” Kafka said as she set the utensils down on the table, drawing Caelus' attention to her. “Don’t destroy the table, okay? We haven’t had dessert yet.”

Caelus stared at her for a few seconds, confused, before realising what Kafka said. He beamed at her before launching himself at the soldiers.

Stelle, not wanting to be left out of the fun, jumped into the fight as well.

“Caelus, no!”

“Stelle, wait!”

Both Dan Heng and March were the next ones to join.

Not wanting to be outdone by Dan Heng, Blade joined in as well.

Firefly, worried for Caelus and Blade, transformed into SAM and launched herself into the brawl.

Welt sighed and stepped into the chaos with the intention to break the fight up.

Meanwhile, Silver Wolf was busy recording the whole thing, knowing that Elio would love to watch the one-sided beatdown against the IPC.

“Kafka,” Himeko said as she watched the ongoing brawl. She pinched the bridge of her nose when a headache started to make itself known, and wondered how she was going to explain to the IPC why some of their soldiers returned from the Tatalov looking thoroughly beat up. “You’re paying for the damage.”

“Of course, Himeko,” Kafka said with a smile before taking another bite out of her steak.

Meanwhile, the crew members who were unable to escape were now cowering with the waitress in the corner, praying that the fight would not escalate. Unfortunately for them, the Stellaron Hunters did not know the meaning of restraint.

Firefly launched herself out of the Tatalov, crashing through several walls in the process. Blade, sensing what Firefly was about to do, grabbed Caelus and Stelle and made his speedy escape. Silver Wolf, knowing what was about to happen, quickly hacked herself out of the dream world. Kafka, despite knowing what Firefly was about to do, continued to nonchalantly eat her steak. The Astral Express crew, though did not know what Firefly was going to do, could guess what kind of chaos was about to ensue and tried to make their escape. Himeko just glared at Kafka.

The laser beam that struck the Tatalov head-on decimated half of the ship and made the other half crash into the dream city below.

“Kafka!” Himeko yelled the moment she opened her eyes and found herself lying in the Dream Pool in her room. Unfortunately for the navigator of the Astral Express, the Stellaron Hunters were long gone by the time she woke up. She wanted to curse that Stellaron Hunter, but she had more important things to do first.

As Himeko attempted to gather the rest of the Astral Express crew, her phone rang and she was not surprised to find an unknown number displayed on the screen.

“You’re dead to me, Kafka,” she growled out the moment the call connected.

“My, you sound a little worked up,” Kafka said from the other side. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m borrowing Stelle for a bit.”

“Kafka, you-!”

All that remained on the other end was a dial tone, and this time Himeko had no reservations with openly cursing out the Stellaron Hunter.

Notes:

Thank you Charlie for helping me beta this fic!

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