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The apartment was empty, except for Alex. Alex, who was sitting on the floor of the shower, head resting on his knees as the water spilled over him–steam filling the space. He’d planned to quickly rinse off, but had begun to feel so unwell that he had no choice but to sit down. Henry had gone out to run some errands, after Alex had sworn up and down that he was fine–even as Henry gave him that piercing look that made Alex feel like he was unraveling before his very eyes.
Alex had insisted he was fine–and he had been, really. Only the beginning pinch of a migraine, just a twinge from not wearing his glasses, nothing compared to what it had become.
The bathroom was the only room in the apartment with no windows, and so, the only room that truly got dark during the day.
Everything hurt, but this was the closest Alex could get to blocking it all out–to some sort of relief. It was his jaw, his neck, his skin itself which ached to the point of nausea. Alex had resigned himself to staying in this exact spot, curled up pathetically with only the hot water for comfort–something he tried hard not to think about.
He didn’t know how long he’d been sitting there when he heard a voice calling out. Alex couldn’t manage to yell back, but he knew Henry would find him. And sure enough, eventually Alex heard a quiet knock on the door
“Alex, are you okay in there? You’ve been in the shower for quite awhile.”
Mustering up what little energy he had, Alex managed to croak out a response, “I- I’m not feeling great.”
“I’m gonna come in, is that okay?”
“Mm-hmm”
Henry opened the door slowly and slipped in before shutting it quickly, quietly behind him, keeping the room as dark as possible. “What’s going on? You weren’t like this when I left.”
“I wasn’t, but my head just really started hurting. Migraine.”
Henry made a noise of acknowledgement. “How can I help?”
Alex felt like he could cry. Henry made everything better, but Alex didn’t know how he could help with this. There wasn’t anything anyone could do.
“I don’t know.” Alex mumbled, sure he sounded whiny, but unsure what he could do about it–he was completely miserable.
“Okay, love,” Henry spoke, voice just above a whisper, “I’m going to get some things to help you. I’ll be right back.”
Alex gave the smallest nod, head still resting on his legs. He hadn’t even been able to lift it to look at Henry. He curled in on himself further. He hated when this happened to him, when he studied too long or hadn’t eaten enough or did absolutely nothing wrong at all, he would suddenly find himself completely incapacitated. It felt like his life was being stolen from him, and he was worried, if he let it, it would take Henry’s too.
Alex was in the same position when Henry returned, tense and tightly wound, curling further inward, as if making himself smaller would take away some of his pain. He couldn’t even think about the fact that he was naked and Henry was going to see him. Honestly, it was the least embarrassing part of this whole mess.
Henry spoke quietly–so quietly, so carefully, “Alex I have a towel here for you when you’re ready and I can help you get to your room.”
Alex did his best to hum in agreement. “Thanks, Hen.”
Alex, body shaking, looked up at Henry for the first time, “I– yeah. I need help.”
“Okay, love. I’ve got you.” Henry turned the shower off and stepped in, taking Alex’s hands and gently pulling him up.
As soon as Alex was on his feet and leaning against Henry for support, Henry grabbed the towel he’d warmed in their dryer and wrapped it around Alex.
“Just one step at a time. I won’t let you fall.”
“Really?”
“Of course, love.”
Alex allowed himself to give Henry his weight and slowly be guided forward. When they got to his door he tried to shift toward it, but Henry held on tightly.
“My room Alex.” Henry said in response to his silence.
“Yours?”
“Mine gets the sunrise not the sunset, so it should be darker right now.” Henry paused, “Is that okay?”
Alex just pressed more into Henry, giving a little nod.
When they finally made it into Henry’s room, he saw a glass of water alongside his migraine medicine sitting on Henry’s nightstand. Of all the things Henry had done for him tonight, this shouldn’t be the thing that sticks in his brain. It was just such proof. Proof that Henry cared about him, that he was taken care of, that he wasn’t alone.
Henry sat him on the bed, before placing a hand on Alex’s jaw and whispering, “Open?”
Alex did it without even thinking about it. Liked that he didn’t have to think about it. Just being told what to do and when to do it was nice with Henry, with someone he trusted completely.
Henry placed the medicine on his tongue, before bringing the glass of water to Alex’s lips so he could take a sip.
“Swallow.”
Alex did.
He knew, even though he could barely put one thought after the next right now, that this moment would stay with him, seared into his brain, so that everytime he closed his eyes, this is what he would relive. That he would never be able to stop thinking about it, no matter what happened down the line, if everything with Henry–which had been teetering on a cliff for months now–collapsed, he would always come back to this. There would never be anyone who could compare. Deep in his heart, Alex knew it would be Henry or no one. There wasn’t a person in the world who would be able to replace this.
Alex shed his towel, let it drop to the floor, and pulled the covers across his waist, as Henry adjusted the pillows behind his head. He wouldn’t think about how he was naked in Henry’s bed, wouldn’t think about how he wished Henry was lying next to him.
Once he let his eyes slip shut, he felt himself breathing a little easier.
He felt Henry smooth his brow and brush the hair from his forehead, before feeling the press of lips against his temple.
“I’m going to step out, Alex. Call for me if you need anything. Please, love. I want to help.”
Without even thinking about it, Alex’s eyes opened and he reached out to grab hold of Henry’s sleeve.
“Wait, I need–”
“Yes?”
“I need you. Stay. Please.” Alex held his breath for a moment.
And then, as if it was a given, Henry responded. “Of course, love.”
Alex smiled for the first time in hours. He let his eyes close again, could hear Henry changing out of his jeans and then felt him crawling into bed next to Alex, exactly where he belonged.
He blinked his eyes open just long enough to see Henry lying on top of the comforter looking back at him, fondly it seemed, before he pressed closer, tucking his face against Henry’s neck. For the first time ever, he truly let himself feel comforted and cared for as he dropped into sleep. The ghost of a kiss still lingering on his temple.