Archive of Our Own

Oscar knew he shouldn’t be on social media.

He knew how bad it could be. He had heard horror stories around the grid, had even seen it with Lando as the World Driver’s Championship heated up.

He had been at every social media training, where countless McLaren staff members assured him that negative fan posts did not matter. What mattered was doing his best and listening to feedback from the team after race weekends.

The fans could be kind, welcoming, loving… But they could be vicious as well. They could tear someone down as fast as they lifted them up.

As such, he was supposed to ignore the posts online. After all, a bunch of random fans didn’t know better than the actual McLaren staff, even if the fans thought they did.

Yet, Oscar found it hard to fully detach himself from social media. It was still one of the easiest ways to interact with his family. Besides, he still had his own interests that he liked to follow online. He needed something to watch that wasn’t work related.

He really did try to detach himself from the Formula 1 fandom posts. He was mostly on the internet to relax, not stress himself out more.

But, he is never fully able to ignore it.

Which leads Oscar to one late evening in London, a few days after the Singapore GP. After a long day at MTC, he was lying back in bed at his UK apartment, slowly scrolling through his social media posts. 

Usually, Oscar liked to spend his time off playing video games, or catching up on a show on a streaming service. But he was so tired after a full day on the simulators, he decided to just spend the rest of the night on his phone before going to sleep.  

The Formula 1 posts slip in and out of his feed, generated by some damn algorithm. Some of the posts he can wipe away. The posts about his performance are the easiest to deal with. All he had to do was just check the World Driver’s Championship ranking.

And then there are the posts about him and Lando.

That was a touchy topic.

Oscar did not quite know how to describe his relationship with Lando. They were good friends at least.

The Brit had been a good mentor to Oscar since the beginning. He had been the one to show Oscar around the MTC on his first day at McLaren, showing him the ropes of the operation.

Oscar had always looked up to Lando, even before they became teammates. But in the months following his entrance into the McLaren team, Lando had become a lifeline to Oscar. Especially when the 2023 car proved to be more tricky to deal with in the beginning stages of the season.

The duo would spend hours after races together, just venting about what had just happened. Even as the car improved, they still found themselves meeting after each race just to talk.

They were some of the best memories that Oscar had in Formula 1. The duo would find a small area of the paddock to hang out in, most of the time behind the McLaren hospitality complex. Then, they would camp out with some sort of treat they had snuck from a vendor, usually a small bit of ice cream or a drink. And they would just talk to each other about the race, safe from the prying eyes of their management.

Eventually a poor intern would be sent to find them, interrupting the moment. But, the moments were bliss for Oscar. It felt nice to get things off his chest, without having to worry about offending a member of the engineering team.

Lando was also the one who helped him get more comfortable in the paddock. He helped him meet the other drivers and encouraged him to spend time with them.  Due to this, Oscar had made some new friendships with other drivers in the paddock, like Charles Leclerc. But he still found himself closer to Zhou and…

Logan.

Oscar sighed at the thought of him.

He had always known things were tough for his old friend. Williams wasn’t exactly the best team in the F1 Paddock.

But he had thought Logan would at least finish his season. 

His relationship with Logan had been more distant since they entered Formula 1. But that had been due to schedules rather than a genuine falling out.

Logan had been his first… everything so to speak. One of his first friends… relationship…

Oscar shakes the thought out of his head.

He was trying to relax. It was not the time to dwell on such things.

Besides, he had only dated Logan for a few months when they were in their Formula 3 years. It had been nothing serious, and they had decided to be friends in the end. 

He tries to distract himself by resuming his mindless scrolling. 

There were several supportive posts on his feed at least, even some fanart. He leaves a like on the posts, after checking to make sure he was on his burner account.

But then he sees the other posts.

[ So what exactly has Oscar done to help Lando with the championship??? Asking for a friend ]

[ “You’ll need Oscar in the future” yeah to cost you the lead into turn 1 ]

[ If Lando loses by seven points, we know what to blame for it. ]

A lump forms in Oscar’s throat.

Perhaps that was enough social media for the day.

He logs out of the account and puts his phone back down on his bed stand. Then, he lies back on his bed and stares up at the ceiling above him.

2024 was proving to be a much more exciting year for him, in both positive and negative ways.

The car itself was greatly improved. Now they could actually fight for wins, as compared to just point positions and the occasional podium. McLaren’s engineering team had truly proven themselves with that feat.

In fact, they had finally been able to get Lando a win.

Oscar smiles a bit at the thought. 

Miami had certainly been a race to remember. And even if his race had been ruined with the clash with Sainz, at least Lando had been able to take the win home.

He still could remember the roars of the crowd as the cars rounded the last corner. The cheers of the McLaren team members had nearly deafened him, as they sprayed down the champagne on Lando.

And he could remember Lando tugging him back to his hospitality room after the initial team celebrations and pushing him onto the-

Oscar felt his ears burn at the memory. 

Okay, so maybe friends wasn’t exactly the word to call him and Lando.  Or at least, he should add ‘with benefits’ at the end.

The trysts had started in the aftermath of the Qatar GP in 2023. Oscar had been on a high due to his sprint win and the alcohol had been flowing in the private hotel rooms after the race. 

After all, Max Verstappen HAD gotten his third WDC title during the sprint race. Since Lando was a good friend of the Dutchman, he had of course gotten an invite to join him. Lando had brought Oscar along as his plus one for the gathering.

One too many drinks later, Oscar had found himself waking up with a pounding headache in Lando’s hotel room the next morning, missing several articles of clothing he was sure he had on the night before.

It had been quite an interesting morning, especially when Lando woke up only minutes later. Oscar had not been able to look anyone in the eye on the flight back to the UK, especially as he adjusted his collar to hide the marks on his neck.

But for some reason, that wasn’t the last time. As the race weekends came and went from the end of 2023 and continuing into 2024, he somehow always found himself at Lando’s door after a race weekend.

In some cases, they would try to sneak in a quick moment, before they were caught by a member of the McLaren staff.

More often though, they would just talk to each other, though their topics now moved from work related topics to more personal ones. Oscar would just  listen to Lando talk about his family and friends back home as they curled up next to each other on the couch. He would occasionally tell his own stories, but in most cases Oscar was content to let his teammate talk.

Oscar found that liked seeing Lando speak, more than he enjoyed speaking himself. 

The Brit was rather attractive after all. All Formula 1 drivers had to maintain a certain level of fitness to compete, and Oscar did enjoy eyeing up Lando’s own form from time to time. He particularly liked Lando’s hair though. The curls seemed very inviting and Oscar knew from experience how soft they were.

Most of the time, however, Oscar found himself focusing on Lando’s eyes. Lando’s eyes would light up as he eagerly explained whatever topic was at hand. Oscar had quickly grown addicted to watching the lights of the room reflected in Lando’s eyes. Though, sometimes he would end up so fixated on Lando’s eyes, he would miss whatever Lando was saying.

Of course,  Lando was quick to call him out for this by swatting him and saying, “Pay attention you muppet!”

Oscar would laugh it off but soon found himself doing the same thing over and over again. 

And after the 2024 Austrian GP, Oscar realized he had fallen for his teammate.

The ending had sealed it for him. He had stared at the footage of the crash, and the pit in his stomach told him all that he needed to know.

Now this was not exactly the ideal scenario. After all, a crucial part of Formula 1 was teamwork. You had to work well with your team if you wanted to get anywhere. And having romantic feelings for your teammate could complicate matters. One only needed to look to Mercedes for an example of a teammate relationship gone wrong.

But it was fine, Oscar had thought, it was just a crush. Surely he could keep it professional. After all, they got along well enough on and off the track. There was no reason to assume they would have a fallout any time soon.

Then, the Hungarian GP happened.

And everything fell apart.

Oscar takes a deep breath and runs a hand through his hair.

He should have been proud of that race. It was his first official win as a Formula 1 driver. It was a monumental moment in his career.

But instead, all he could think about was Lando’s face on the podium. How angry and upset he looked. How he walked right past him with the champagne bottle to spray Hamilton instead of him.

Because he had won.

Lando had of course apologized the day after the race. He had attributed it all to the stress of the championship. He needed the points to get ahead of Max Verstappen after all.

“But you understand, right Oscar?”

Lando had been looking awkwardly at him, trying to make a decent apology.

For once though, Oscar couldn’t look him in the eye. But, he still nodded.

“Yeah. Of course.”

What else could he say?

The Belgian GP had occurred soon after, quickly followed by summer break. By the time the Dutch GP arrived, the incident had been put aside. And in Baku, Oscar had received a more pleasant second win and a more enthusiastic response from Lando.

They were back to how they once were, the friendly teammates, the ones who always got along. The PR team was easily able to film videos of them together and posted frequently to social media to prove that their relationship was just fine.

But Oscar never went back to Lando’s room.

Something had shifted after the Hungarian GP. 

Whenever he thought of the way Lando looked at him on that podium, he felt a dull ache in his chest.

There was some unspoken divide between them now. They could patch it up as best as they could. But for now, there was no way to fully heal from it.

Oscar keeps staring at the ceiling above, willing himself to think of anything but Lando.

But how could he ignore Lando, a small voice in his head reminded him. McLaren wasn’t his own team after all.

It was Lando’s .

Oscar’s hand curled into a fist.

McLaren had been Lando’s team for years now. Drivers had come and gone, but Lando had still remained with the team. Oscar had spent only a year with them in comparison. After all, he was the one who started with Alpine’s driver academy.

If it came down to it, Oscar knew he would be the one who would be left without a seat.

But that was stupid, he told himself. He was performing well. He was most likely going to place in the top 5 in the championship standings. And it was only his second year!

He wasn’t going to be replaced any time soon.

Somehow though, his normal tricks for calming himself down weren’t working. Instead, his mind trickled back to his previous thoughts about Lando’s old teammates.

Oscar was going to be his longest running teammate during the 2024 Qatar GP But he knew that he wasn’t Lando’s favorite teammate.

That was Carlos Sainz.

Oscar wrinkled his nose at the thought of the Spaniard.

He did not necessarily hate the Ferrari driver. It was more so that he did not really have a relationship with him.

Lando was the one who was extremely close to the older man, due to Sainz being his first teammate. Oscar personally preferred Charles when it came to Ferrari drivers, especially after the Monegasque took him up on his home race joke.

Even then, Lando was clearly much closer to Carlos than Oscar was to Charles. They were always talking together in the paddock, and were quick to defend each other.

They even had a ship name, Carlando. They loved to joke about it, with Carlos even bringing it up during a practice session as a joke.

Lando had a high opinion of Carlos. During their evening chats, Lando would bring up the man sometimes, chatting about their times as teammates.

Back then it was slightly annoying, but Oscar was always able to comfort himself with the thought that he was Lando’s current teammate. And that one day, he could be that close to Lando.

Now, the memory of those stories just made his chest hurt more.

Oscar groans and covers his face with his hand.

More than ever, Oscar found himself wishing for Logan. Perhaps Logan wasn’t the hotshot Ferrari driver companion Lando had, but he was still Oscar’s closest friend on the grid. He had known Logan for so long, it was a comfort to see him around the paddock. 

But now Logan was gone, replaced by Williams after a lackluster performance for the rest of the season. Then, Sainz of all people would take the seat.

With Zhou leaving at the end of the 2024 season as well, it left Oscar alone in the paddock. 

Alone to await the day that he too was dismissed from Formula 1.

Oscar tried physically shaking his head, hoping the movement would dispel the negative emotions taking root within him.

But it does nothing to help.

All of his thoughts seem to come rushing back to him all at once.

The posts about him being a bad teammate, Lando’s praises for Carlos, the way Lando looked at him after the Hungarian GP.

The anger, distaste, dislike .

Oscar can feel his chest tighten. He quickly sits up in his bed and places a hand on his chest, trying to will himself to calm down.

His breath begins to come out in ragged gasps. For some reason, he suddenly found it incredibly hard to breathe normally.

All too late, he realizes that he was in the middle of a panic attack.

Oscar forces his eyes shut. He tries to focus on regulating his breaths, but all he can think of is the image of Lando staring coldly at him from the second place podium, all hint of kindness gone.

Wrong. Wrong.

Everything about that day was wrong. Everything he did was wrong.

He should have let Lando have the win. He should have stopped the race engineers from pushing the swap too much.

Was that race win worth anything? Was it worth ruining his relationship with Lando? Was it worth that mess of a podium where Lando walked right past him?!

Was it worth potentially screwing himself out of more wins in the future?

After all, a snide voice reminds him, he wasn’t Carlos Sainz. Lando could easily do without him. And it wouldn’t be hard for McLaren’s golden boy to request a teammate change. 

One wrong move, and everything could fall apart. 

A scream tears itself from Oscar’s throat. He tries to cover his mouth to stifle the noise, but it does little to soften the sound.

He had to stop this. He had to find some way to calm down.

Maybe he could call someone? But who was there ?!

His family was still in Australia. He couldn’t properly think of the time difference at the moment, but he was sure it was a long shot to assume anyone had the time to speak.

He couldn’t call anyone from McLaren. How could he explain away having a panic attack over  his teammate to a member of the staff?

He sure as hell wasn’t going to call Lando himself.

Then, a thought breaks through the tangled web that was his mind at the moment.

Logan.

He could call Logan.

Oscar’s eyes flicker toward the phone on his bedside table.

He hadn’t called Logan since the man lost his seat. Sure he had texted Logan, but he had not been able to properly talk to him since.

Would Logan even pick up? And what kind of friend was Oscar to call Logan only when he needed something.

Besides, how could he just vent at Logan about how he was suffering. Logan had lost his seat in Formula 1 altogether. Meanwhile Oscar was just sitting there bemoaning the fact that he had messed up his relationship with his teammate.

He wouldn’t blame Logan if he just hung up on him altogether.

If he even picked up in the first place.

Oscar swallows thickly. 

Still, Oscar knew that Logan wasn’t the type of person to leave someone alone when they were in a bad spot.  And Logan had always been someone who understood him well. It came with the territory of knowing each other for so long.

Oscar reaches out for his phone with trembling fingers. He barely manages to wrap his fingers around the device and pull it over to himself without dropping it. He somehow manages to navigate to his contacts menu, where that familiar name stares up at him.

Logan Sargeant.

Oscar hesitates, but takes a deep breath before pressing the call button.

For a tense few moments, the dial tone rings out in the room. The only other sound in the room was the sound of Oscar’s gasping breaths.

Then, someone picks up.

“Oscar?” Logan’s confused voice answers.

Some sort of dam breaks within Oscar at the sound of Logan’s voice.

All he could think at that moment was “I am sorry.” .

He was sorry for not calling sooner, for only calling because he selfishly needed his comfort.

He was sorry for being so stupid as to not listen to the damn rule about not looking at social media posts about himself because now he was lost in thoughts of how he would lose his seat like Logan because he had fucked things up for Lando.

That he had fucked up everything and would probably keep doing so until he lost the seat he worked so hard to get-

“Oscar… OSCAR!!!”

Logan’s scream cuts through his thoughts. Too late, Oscar realizes that he had just said all of those thoughts out loud.

“… Shit.” Is the only thing Oscar can think to say.

Well that was one way to start the conversation.

“Might want to take a few breaths there Oscar.” Logan suggests. 

Oscar tries his best to follow his advice, but all he can manage are a few wheezes

“Sorry! Sorry!” He gasps out, “A bit hard at the moment.”

“I can tell…” Logan said in concern, “How long have you been like this?”

“I don’t know.” Oscar replies.

Logan sighs. “Alright well… let’s calm you down first. Do me a favor and slowly inhale. When I say Exhale, slowly exhale. Got it?”

“Got it.”

“Great. Inhale.”

Oscar slowly started to inhale, as directed. 

Logan waited approximately 10 seconds before speaking again. “Exhale. But slowly.”

Oscar does as he was told.

“Great,” Logan says, “Let’s go again. Inhale.”

Again, Oscar follows the directions.

They repeat the pattern several more times, until Oscar can feel his breath come more naturally.

“I think I am fine from here.” He informs Logan.

“Well that’s good.” Logan said, his voice giving away how relieved he was.

“I… I really am sorry.” Oscar mumbles, “I didn’t mean to start the conversation like this.”

“It’s fine. I was just surprised,” Logan assures him, “We haven’t spoken to each other since I got dropped, so I wasn’t expecting our next phone call to start off with you in the middle of a panic attack.”

A wave of guilt washed over Oscar.

“I am sorry. I should have called you before this.” He apologizes.

Logan chuckles. “It’s fine. You were one of the few who actually checked up on me at least. I was thankful for that.”

Oscar frowns, “Really?”

“I wasn’t the most popular guy on the grid. I was surprised when people remembered I was there.” Logan shrugged it off, “Most people came to talk to Alex when I was still in the paddock.”

“Well, at least Verstappen knew you.” Oscar offers.

Logan laughs. “Yeah, for being the guy who had to give his car to Alex! Though, maybe I should have listened to him and crashed my own car as well.”

Oscar couldn’t help but laugh a bit at that. “Vowles would have killed you.”

“What’s the worst he could do? Take away my seat?” Logan said cheekily.

Oscar pauses for a moment. Hequite really surprised with how well Logan seemed to be doing.

“… You are handling the situation very well.” Oscar comments.

Logan is silent for a moment at this, but eventually sighs.

“It’s been coming for a long time…” he admits, “I knew it was coming when they took my seat in Australia. It was a matter of when, not if. I was surprised they waited so long in all honesty.”

Oscar winces at that. “It doesn’t mean you can’t be upset…”

“I know but there is only so much I can do. I had my chance and it did not work out, simple as that.” Logan said.

“Do you have any regrets?” Oscar asked curiously.

Logan paused once more before replying. “I wish I had been able to really engage with you on the track. At least one more time.”

The words hit Oscar hard. He swallows thickly, trying to ignore the tears pricking in the corner of his eyes.

“… I hope that one day, we can drive together again.” Oscar said.

“Well, if you want to join Indycar with me, I would definitely enjoy it.” Logan suggests.

Oscar blinks. “Indycar? Are you going there?”

“Of course I am! Or at least I hope to. I have a test scheduled for November.” Logan confirmed.

Oscar felt his lips twitch. “You are still going to race?”

“I am not giving up motorsports just because it didn’t work out with Formula 1.” Logan huffs, “So you better keep an eye on me!”

“Of course I will.” Oscar promises him.

“Good! Now then….”

Logan’s voice grows serious. “What happened to cause you to spiral?”

And there it was. Back to the initial conversation. Oscar had been so wrapped up in making sure Logan was alright, he had forgotten why he had called in the first place.

Oscar hesitates. “I… it is rather idiotic in retrospect.”

“Oscar, you are like the king of keeping it cool. I’ve rarely seen you like that. It had to be serious.” Logan points out. 

“I mean it felt like it at the time.” Oscar admits.

“So, that means I am not hanging up until you tell me what is going on. So either you tell me now or I sit on this phone until you do. And if you try to hang up, I will just blow up your phone with calls.” Logan threatens.

Oscar is silent for a moment. Part of him wants to just hang up the phone with some random excuse. But, he knew Logan would go through with his threat. Besides, he realizes that he did want to open up to Logan, at least a little bit.

“It’s a long story.” Oscar warns Logan.

“I’ve got plenty of time.” Logan assures him.

“Fine. You asked for it.” Oscar said.

And so he tells Logan everything. From his trysts with Lando, to the issues after the Grand Prix, until finally he arrives at that very day, where he had decided to review social media posts after a long day at work.

Once Oscar finished, Logan was silent for a good deal of time. After a few minutes, Oscar wondered if the American had just left during the explanation. 

Then, Logan finally spoke up.

“Fuck him.”

Oscar lets out a choked noise.  “Logan!”

“Right, no, he would enjoy that.” Logan muses, “Run him into the wall during the next practice session!”

Oscar snorts, the shock slowly melting away. “I would get fired!”

“Then we drive together in Indycar!!” The American insists.

Oscar facepalms, yet he can  still feel a laugh bubbling up within him at his friend’s antics.

“I am not going to run him off the road because we had a disagreement.” Oscar protests.

Logan groans. “Ugh. You are no fun!”

“He is still my teammate.” Oscar reminds him, “Besides, it’s not his fault the team screwed him over as well in that race.”

Logan considers this. “I agree the fault mainly lies with the team for causing the issue to begin with. But he still shouldn’t have treated you like that! You didn’t make that call!”

“I know. I know.” Oscar assures him.

“I was annoyed at him to begin with when that happened. But to know he was literally sleeping with you around the time it happened?! Unforgivable!” Logan fumes.

“I think I was just in over my head. I should have thought about it more carefully before getting involved with my teammate.” Oscar admits. 

“Well you wouldn’t be the first one. Remember the rumors about Brocedes?” Logan reminds him.

Oscar chuckles. “I suppose.”

“On the work side of things, I think you’re fine. You’ve improved from last year and that’s what counts. They would be idiots to drop you, even if Lando complains. ” Logan soothes him. 

“I guess…” Oscar says hesitantly.

“Don’t give me that! Look how many podiums you’ve gotten this year! Stop being humble for once!” Logan reminds him.

“I get it… I get it.” Oscar lets out a small laugh.

It truly felt as if a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. For the first time in a while, he felt as if he could truly breathe.

For the first time in a while, he truly felt seen.

Oscar finds himself relaxing a bit. A warm feeling slowly grows within him as he takes in his friend's words.

“… Thank you Logan, for listening.” Oscar thanks him.

“Any time. I know you would do the same for me.” Logan assures him.

“Of course I would.” Oscar promises.

And Oscar means it. He was determined to be a better friend to Logan moving forward.

“Good.” Logan hums, “So, think you can score me a paddock pass at McLaren hospitality for the Brazilian GP?”

Oscar blinks at this. “What?”

“Well I can’t go visit you at COTA! Everyone will expect that! Besides, you have a race right after that. If I go to Brazil, we could always sneak you to Florida for a few days before you get dragged back to the UK!” Logan explains.

It takes Oscar a moment to realize what Logan was proposing. When it hits him, however, his eyes widen.

“You want me to come visit you?” Oscar asks in shock.

“Well, it sounds like you need a break. And I would appreciate the visit before I start getting ready for Indycar. What do you say?” Logan suggests.

Oscar knew he should think it through before agreeing to the plan. It was the last gap of vacation time before the end of the season. There were probably several other things he should do instead. Like continuing to train on simulators, reviewing data, or even working out at the gym.

But at that moment, he couldn’t give less of a damn.

“Let’s do it.” Oscar agrees.

Logan whoops. “Hell yeah!!! Ooh!! We could-“

Logan proceeds to go on a long winded rant about what they could do on the impromptu trip. He throws out options like going to the beach, visiting clubs, even driving up to Orlando for a visit to Disney.

Oscar was not sure about the feasibility of half of it, but it still was nice to hear Logan speak.

Oscar knew that soon, he would have to address things with Lando. He could not keep bottling it up forever. After all, things would get tricky at McLaren if the duo had a more permanent fight in the future.

But right now, all Oscar wants to do is sit back and listen to his friend talk.

So, he does just that, lying back onto his bed, with the phone propped up against his ear.

And for the time being, everything was perfect.