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At first, sheer adrenaline had kept Caitlyn going.
But as the fight with Ambessa dragged on, her body had begun to fail. The searing pain in her left eye as Ambessa’s knife connected had finally brought her to her knees. Her willing sacrifice for Piltover. For Zaun. For everyone she’d wronged.
The pain throbbed throughout her entire body in time with the beat of her heart. Warm, sticky blood still poured from both of her wounds, soaking her uniform. Hazily, she’d made out the sensation of Mel lifting her from the ground, the golden designs on her face blazing bright in the afternoon sunlight.
She wondered where Vi was.
And then it had all gone black.
When she woke again, the hazy mumble of many overlapping voices filled ears. Her head was a constant aching throb, her left eye a vicious burning pit. Despite her best efforts, only the right one would slide open, blinking away the glare of lights around her. Slowly, bodies came into focus.
Caitlyn lay on a medical cot inside a makeshift tent, surrounded by other Enforcers and Zaunites. It was hard to say whether any of them were alive or already dead, or perhaps wavering on the very brink, not unlike herself. A few haggard medics flitted between each patient, patching wounds, administering medicine, directing those still on their feet how to help. Caitlyn closed her eye again, briefly succumbing to the pain in her head and gut, until a soft voice and cool hand against her forehead drew her attention.
“Commander, can you hear me?”
Forcing her working eye open, Caitlyn could make out the face of a round cheeked blonde woman above her. She looked young. Too young to be here. Too young to be doing this. Did Caitlyn know her name? If she did, she couldn’t remember what it was.
The girl smiled, a tender gesture Caitlyn was grateful for, reaching for something out of her line of sight. “I’m glad to see you awake. You were in bad shape when Councilor Medarda managed to bring you in here. I’m going to give you something for the pain now. I’m sorry, I know it must be terrible…”
A small vial was being pressed to her lips and poured down her throat before Caitlyn could respond. She choked on the liquid, a ragged cough tearing through her body and stretching the open wound on her stomach. The struggle to catch her breath turned into a weak groan.
Where was Vi?
She couldn’t find her voice to ask and the medic was already rising, after setting the vial aside. “It’ll take a moment to work. Please rest, Commander. We’ve got this handled.”
A cooling tingle soon took hold of Caitlyn’s body, relieving the pain in small waves. Slowly, she turned her head, ignoring the stiff ache in her neck to take better stock of her surroundings. Mel was nowhere to be found, most likely assisting with relief efforts elsewhere. Where was Jayce? Had he succeeded in stopping Viktor? What had happened to the remaining Noxian forces? And the strange robotic minions of Viktor’s?
Suddenly, a vague, dreamlike image of hundreds of glowing bodies suddenly filled her mind as if in response to her question. Floating around an enormous amorphous glow that expanded until there was nothing pure white. Shaking the vision away, Caitlyn made a weak effort to sit up, stopping when her stomach blazed with pain again. Groaning, she lay back, letting her eye slide shut once more.
She needed to find Vi.
“Caitlyn!”
As if she’d summoned Vi herself through will alone, Caitlyn heard her shout from somewhere outside the medical tent. Gathering every ounce of strength she had left, Caitlyn made an effort to call back, but what came out was a pathetic croak, “ Vi - I’m here… ”
Still, she heard a brief shuffle of boots, a “Hey, wait - you can’t go in there - “ and then the flap of the tent was being thrown open, the resulting rush of air tousling the sweaty hairs plastered to Caitlyn’s forehead.
“Cait!” Vi’s voice was a ragged gasp as she dropped to her knees beside the cot, one of her rough hands wrapping around Caitlyn’s, while the other flew to the bloodied bandage covering her eye. "Oh, Cait… Your eye…”
Despite the featherlight touch, Vi’s fingers shook and pressed and agony exploded in the damaged socket. Caitlyn flinched - barely grabbing Vi’s hand in time to ensure she didn’t pull away.
“I’m sorry-”
Caitlyn pulled Vi’s hand to her chest, turning her head to bring her into focus. Vi’s face was littered with cuts, blood and bruises, not unlike her own. Her eyes were bloodshot and shining with tears, old and new. Her lips trembled as their gazes locked, grey eyes flickering nervously over Caitlyn’s face. Caitlyn forced a tiny, reassuring smile, despite the mild panic bubbling in her chest as Vi’s face continued to drift in and out of focus. Why couldn’t she see her? Was it always going to be like this? What was the full extent of damage to her eye?
“Are you alright?” Caitlyn managed the first full sentence since she’d woken up through a cracked and exhausted voice.
Vi barked a strained laugh, “You're asking me that?”
Caitlyn squeezed her hand again, looking down at their interlaced fingers. “I’m okay.”
“What happened?”
“Mel and I, we - Ambessa caught us unprepared when we tried to stop Viktor’s arrival. We had no choice but to fight her together. If it weren’t for Mel’s magic -”
Caitlyn hesitated. If it weren’t for Mel’s magic she would have been just another person on the long list of those Vi had lost. Another devastating blow. Another undeserved trauma. She shuddered, fighting the tears gathering at her own eyes, if only because the burn was unbearable.
And after sharing herself so intimately. After Vi had given up every wall and barrier - trusted Caitlyn with her heart and body… After everything… It made Caitlyn’s chest ache to imagine that having been their last shared memory. Vi had a strong heart, and she was resilient, but Caitlyn wasn’t certain her death wouldn’t have wounded Vi beyond repair.
Vi’s fingers touched her cheek again, trailing gently along the curve of her jaw this time. A quiet sigh slipped from her lips, full of relief and tinged with grief. A thought occurred to Caitlyn then, which she voiced before considering all the possibilities:
“Where is Jinx?”
The instant Vi’s face crumbled, Caitlyn knew. She’d never wished she could take a sentence back so quickly.
“She’s - She didn’t…I couldn’t…” Vi trailed off and shook her head, face tight with pain, lips trembling.
Caitlyn reached for the hand still resting against her cheek, drawing bruised knuckles to her lips and whispering against the broken skin. “I’m so sorry…”
And she was. Despite her complicated feelings towards Jinx, even now, Caitlyn knew Vi’s love for her sister was all encompassing. It always would be. And in the short time Jinx had exhibited a change in her behavior and actions, Caitlyn could only imagine the hope Vi must have harbored for an eventual reparation of their relationship. To have it snuffed out now wasn’t fair. None of this was fair. None of the hurt was deserved.
Vi choked a sob and leaned her forehead against Caitlyn’s chest. Caitlyn let go of her hand, moving it soothingly through Vi’s hair instead. It was matted and covered in dust, debris and blood, but she couldn’t care less. They were alive and together and it was all over. They’d won. They’d survived.
She closed her working eye, continuing her soothing ministrations as Vi trembled beneath her touch, fighting the sobs Caitlyn knew so badly needed to come out in force. Later. When they were alone, she would hold Vi with all her might and let her grieve for as long as she needed. Days, weeks, months. She would do everything in her power to be what Vi needed now - to make up for all the time she hadn’t been.
Exhaustion settled heavily in Caitlyn’s bones as they held each other. As unconsciousness teased her, Caitlyn wondered if it would be safe to sleep. If she’d wake up. Before she could ponder the full consequences, the weight of Vi’s head suddenly disappeared from her chest, followed by a distant and echoed call of her name.
And then Caitlyn slipped into darkness.
When she woke again, the familiar softness of her own mattress and silk blankets greeted her. She could hear faint birdsong from outside the window, a gentle morning glow slipping through the drawn curtains. The lavender canopy around her bed had been let down, dimming the light even further, save for a small opening on her right side. Caitlyn peered through the crack, forcing her blurred vision to work for her, to see Vi slumped in a chair at her bedside. It looked supremely uncomfortable. Her head lolled to one side, elbows propped on the arm rest that pushed her shoulders too high.
Reaching through the opening in the canopy curtains, Caitlyn brushed her knee. Her touch was gentle, but Vi still jerked awake, straightening quickly, eyes darting every which way before landing on Caitlyn. Her shoulders dropped, panicked expression melting into relief.
“Hey.” Vi reached for the hand resting on her knee, voice low and soft, as if Caitlyn would shatter were it any louder.
“What are you doing?” Caitlyn asked, finding the use of her voice far less agonizing than it had been immediately post battle.
Vi blinked, her eyes widening in confusion. “I was just making sure you -”
“Come here.” Caitlyn tugged on her hand, pulling her with as much strength as she could muster towards the bed.
For a moment, Vi looked hesitant to invade her space. But she relented when Caitlyn tugged again, carefully maneuvering over her body and coming to rest on the open side of the bed. A risky move all things considered, but both of them heaved a relieved sigh once Vi curled into place against Caitlyn’s side. Cheek tucked against her shoulder, one warm hand resting on her hip, legs tangled. Caitlyn tipped her head, pressing her cheek against feathered red hair.
It was no longer covered in debris. But clean and soft and smelling lightly of Caitlyn’s own flowery shampoos. How long had she been unconscious?
“Am I hurting you?” Vi’s question vibrated against the soft skin of Caitlyn’s neck and she didn’t bother hiding the shiver that passed through her.
“Not at all.” Caitlyn carefully slipped an arm around Vi’s shoulders, stroking through the ends of her longer hair with gentle fingers.
It bothered her that she couldn’t see Vi. The vision in her left eye was still blocked by the bandage that covered it. Vi lay curled in her blind spot, nothing but grounding muscle and gentle heat pressed against her.
“The medics said I needed to be careful or risk reopening your injuries.”
“The medics can stuff it.”
A tiny laugh puffed against Caitlyn’s throat. “They didn’t take that very well when I told them the same thing. Barely got to stay camped in that chair. Your, uh, father… Told them I was supposed to stay and keep an eye on you.”
Caitlyn's chest tightened. Her father’s animosity towards Vi was nothing new, and his overwhelming grief for the loss of his wife still consumed his entire being. It was an unexpected gesture to allow Vi to be the one to keep watch over her while wounded. They should probably have a talk, now that everything was said and done.
“Vi?”
A non-committal grunt answered her.
“Did they say anything about my eye? The extent of the damage?”
Carefully, Vi lifted herself up until she was propped on an elbow, hovering over Caitlyn within her narrow range of vision. She brought her free hand to Caitlyn’s face, brushing her thumb along the bottom of the bandage.
“They said the damage is pretty bad. If you regain any sight in it, it won’t be very much. And it’ll scar. They recommended an eyepatch, once it heals. To keep it all, you know, safe. Something about light probably being a problem. Headaches.”
Caitlyn nodded, swallowing the bile rising in her throat. It was what she’d expected. Penance for her mistakes; her willing sacrifice. But even still, hearing the objective reality from someone else stung. Forever changed. Forever marred. Forever marked and condemned. Briefly, Caitlyn wondered if she’d ever recover her marksmanship. Shaking off the thought, Caitlyn just nodded solemnly as Vi settled against her side again.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured, drawing a thumb in small circles over the skin of Caitlyn’s hip, under the light top she’d been dressed in.
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Caitlyn assured her - and then in a smaller voice continued, “But I do.”
Vi’s thumb paused in its ministrations. “Cait, we don’t have to do this right now -”
“We should have done it before the battle,” Caitlyn pressed. “If something had happened to either of us…”
The hand tightened on her hip.
Caitlyn found herself grateful that for the moment that her blindspot kept her from seeing Vi’s face. Hot shame and embarrassment already flooded through her and she hadn’t even begun to speak.
“I don’t know where to start, Vi.”
Silence.
“After my mother died… I’ve never felt the sort of rage and pain I did when I lost her. I know it’s silly to pretend you don’t understand… In my pain, the person I became… I was so blinded by anger, by revenge. I let everything I cared about become second to the justice I sought for my mother. Every one I cared about.”
Vi had stilled against her, only steady measured breaths moving in and out a sign that she was even awake and listening.
“I know words can’t erase my mistakes. Nothing can. But I want you to know that I am sorry for what I did to you. For hurting you. For leaving you. It was wrong, I was wrong. And it took me too long to see it. I’m so sorry.”
Vi was quiet for so long Caitlyn was afraid maybe she had fallen asleep, until suddenly she inhaled deeply and spoke, pressing her words into Caitlyn’s shoulder. “The night… everything changed, back when me and - Back when I was a kid. I hit her.” Vi was avoiding Jinx’s name, purposefully, but Caitlyn connected the dots easily enough. “I thought it was all her fault. I blamed her. She was my responsibility but I blamed her. I was so angry with her. I hit her. And I walked away. I left her.” She paused. “And nothing was ever the same.”
Caitlyn’s throat burned, her grip around Vi’s shoulders tightening.
“I know what the pain is like. And I also know who you are, Cait.” Caitlyn felt the bridge of Vi’s nose against the underside of her jaw, followed by the ghost of a kiss against her neck. “You’re not shaking me this time.”
Forgiveness.
She didn’t deserve it. Not from anyone and certainly not from Vi. But the heart of the woman beside her was pure and true. All Caitlyn could do was promise herself, promise both of them, that she wouldn’t break it again. From here on out, it was hers to protect.
The tears slipped from her uncovered eye freely, a shaky sigh escaping. Vi’s hand moved from her hip to her cheek, thumb brushing the falling tears away. Caitlyn finally turned her head, meeting the earnest and grief-riddled gray gaze peering into her very soul.
“You have a good heart,” she murmured. The small smile that grew on Vi’s lips matched her own.
“You do too.”
Then Vi shuffled forward, nudging under Caitlyn’s chin until she was curled tightly against her chest. No further words were exchanged, but for now none were needed. They were both tired, grieving, wounded and in need of physical comfort. For now, the silence and closeness were enough.
Caitlyn peered at the reflection of the stranger looking back at her from the mirror. Her left eye was split from her brow, through the lid, to the top of her cheekbone. The laceration was still red, raw and angry. A thinner less garish cut split her cornea, the pupil and iris were clouded behind the damage, and rolled slightly upward with the loss of control over the eye. The eyelid itself was mostly paralyzed although Caitlyn could flutter it slightly if she tried hard enough, but otherwise the entire eye was nothing more than a brutal, ugly scar.
The eyepatch she’d been given once the bandages were removed sat on the counter in front of her, but she forced herself to gaze intently into the damage. It was a strange sensation to see the eye still attached to her, while not being able to see anything out of it but vague shafts of light filtered through foggy darkness.
Carefully, Caitlyn brought shaking fingertips to the tip of the scar, pressing gently. The skin around it was tender, but the scar itself was numb. She drew her fingers lightly over the entire length, through the now permanent division in her eyebrow. With a heavy sigh, Caitlyn straightened and reached for the eyepatch. She missed the first reach, a hot flash of frustration coursing through her. It required too much focus the second time to grab the damn thing and begin attempting to wrap the straps around her head.
“Need some help?”
Caitlyn jumped as Vi’s sudden appearance at her left side startled her. Her jaw clenched in frustration. She hadn’t seen or heard Vi’s approach - and Vi was in no way subtle with her presence. Dropping her shoulders, Caitlyn turned and placed the eyepatch into Vi’s open hands. To her surprise, Vi paused, closing her fingers over the eyepatch as her own eyes scanned Caitlyn’s face.
“What?” Caitlyn's tone came out harsher than intended as Vi studied her. “It looks awful, I know.”
“It’s healing well,” Vi countered.
“It’s ugly.” Caitlyn couldn’t keep the petulant pout out of her tone. There was no sense in feeling ashamed of a scar, especially not considering how many littered Vi’s own body. But her scars felt like trophies of a hard life survived. Caitlyn couldn’t look at her own eye without feeling the weight of her decisions pressing down on her shoulders all over again.
“It’s not ugly,” Vi insisted, her brow furrowing.
Caitlyn consciously controlled her bitterness this time, but let out a small scoff nonetheless. “You’re just saying that. You can admit - “
“Nothing about you is ugly, Cait,” Vi interrupted. Firm fingers gripped her chin, forcing Caitlyn’s gaze to meet hers. Caitlyn struggled not to shrink away from the overwhelming sincerity she found there. “Especially not this.”
Raising the eyepatch, Vi leaned up on her tiptoes to slip the bands around Caitlyn’s head.
“It’s not just a scar,” she continued. “It was an important part of you that you gave up to protect everyone…That’s a pretty beautiful thing, if you ask me.”
Caitlyn’s chin fell to her chest, the corners of her mouth quivering as tears threatened to fall. Vi stepped back, examining her before opening her arms just slightly. An offer of comfort, for Caitlyn to accept or deny. Of course, Caitlyn didn’t hesitate to fall into her embrace, hiding her face against Vi’s neck and allowing a few shuddering breaths through. Vi held her, squeezing tight enough to ground her, but not so hard as to hurt. How Vi struck the perfect balance of comforting, solid embrace every time, Caitlyn wasn’t sure. But she was endlessly grateful.
When she found the strength to pull away, Caitlyn framed Vi’s face with both hands, brushing her thumbs over freckled cheeks as she rested their foreheads together. “It’s a good thing you like it, then.” She paused, weighing the impact of her words. “You’re the one who’s going to have to appreciate waking up to it every morning.”
Vi’s eyes did not leave hers as she smiled and pressed a quick but firm kiss to Caitlyn’s lips. “Waking up to it is nothing. I already clean all the gunk out of it without complaining, don’t I?”
Caitlyn gasped, cheeks reddening as Vi smirked at her, spun on her heel, and fled the bathroom before Caitlyn could gather herself to respond. A heavy weight felt like it had been lifted off of her as she giggled and scurried after Vi - not even allowing the slight collision she had with the doorframe to dampen her mood.
Nights were the hardest. They both suffered nightmares. But for many weeks after the battle Vi seemed to fight her own demons the hardest. She would thrash in her sleep, mumble and moan - crying out for so many names no longer around to hear her. Caitlyn didn’t wake her, her own cries usually succeeded in waking them both anyway. But she made sure Vi always came to consciousness in her arms. Whether she woke up fighting or crying, Caitlyn wanted to be the one already grounding her.
The hardest part was getting her to talk. To relieve the pain and guilt and ‘what-ifs’ still haunting her. She did slowly. Day-by-day and piece-by-piece. Caitlyn knew that the only real healing would come with time and stability.
Give her love, give her warmth, give her comfort, give her steadiness, give her sleep - and one day, the people she’d lost - who she’d sworn so valiantly to protect - would leave her in peace.
That’s what Caitlyn had to believe anyway. Because watching her suffer after the fallout of all they’d fought for was more painful than any loss. She wanted to be for Vi what Vi was to her. Someone she knew whose support was infallible. Whose love was unconditional. She wanted to give Vi something she knew she’d been without for many, many years.
Home.
“Are you still in this fight, Violet?”
“I am the dirt under your nails, cupcake. Nothing’s gonna clean me out.”