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Stars Hollow had never known true terror until the inevitable happened one fateful morning. It was well past 6 AM and the sign warned the horrifying truth. Luke’s diner was closed.
Dean couldn’t help but stare wide-eyed at the cardboard on the door.
“GONE FISHING!”
There was no need for all capitalization of the phrase to hear the sign in Luke’s stern voice. There was also no doubt about the reason why he went fishing: yesterday had been chaos, and today was the hangover from that storm.
It was a futile attempt but Dean made his way to the door to see through the space between the blinds.
“I tried that, he’s not here,” Kirk said behind his back and Dean couldn’t help but sigh in annoyance.
Backing away from the door he looked at him, “I can see that.”
Kirk only nodded. How long had he been standing there? He didn’t wish to know.
This was just his luck. Dean fiddled with his cast, feeling the lightning of pain as he shook it. It felt all too weird, like the balance of the whole town had shifted off its axis. And for the first time, he was willingly looking for no other than Jess.
He tried to go to the dinner to look for Jess last night after the hard cast was wrapped tightly around his wrist, but when his mom got to the hospital she took him straight home. But what can you do when your mom is a certified nurse, right?
All night he could only feel a lump in his throat at remembering the expression on Jess’s face as he was taken to the hospital. He looked worried… even scared. For him or himself, Dean didn’t truly know. Everything in the car had been fine, he even thought he had (allegedly) bonded for the first time with Jess… until he had that stupid idea of driving around, and then that animal appeared out of nowhere.
Dean squinted at the bright sky and kept walking, looking left and right for any sign of the dark-haired boy. He should be reading on a bench near the gazebo or against a tree in the park. Why was he not there? Dean’s heart was starting to hammer at his chest, and he couldn’t understand the reason why.
“Where are you?” Dean whispered.
“Dean!”
He knew that voice. Turning, he was greeted by a blue uniform and even bluer eyes walking up to him. Rory.
“Hey… what are you doing here? I thought you’d be at school.”
She smiled, that awkward tight smile accompanied by a chuckle that still was awfully endearing, “Yeah but we wanted breakfast and Luke’s was closed so.”
“We?” Dean would deny if a sort of hopeful feeling lit in his chest, which died as quick as it came when he saw Lorelai walking up to them.
“Yeah! We. You can’t have a Rory without a Lorelai. It’s like peanut butter without jelly, or Batman without Robin. We come as a package deal.”
Dean only nodded with a tight smile, subconsciously hiding his cast arm by putting his hand in his back pocket. “So… Al’s Pancake World?”
“More like Al’s Sugar Without Proper Coffee World,” responded Lorelai.
“It was like going through the looking glass,” Rory quipped.
Dean chuckled, “I guess it was not the best breakfast then.”
Rory shook her head, “No unless you are into Malibu Barbie-style coffee.”
“Got it,” Dean responded.
It was like he had run out of moves to play, everything got quiet immediately. That same awkward and distant silence, the kind that one could feel an invisible wall separating one from everyone. He felt that same silence the night before at the diner—or so he thought—, every time Jess taunted him and for some reason, he couldn’t help but side-eye Rory in an attempt to communicate a “You’re hearing what am hearing right?”. Which Rory seemed to miss, over and over again… until Jess had leaned a bit too closely. Dean’s cheeks started to heat at the memory, he thought it was because it was mostly embarrassingly absurd they connected into a friendly response.
“Oh! I-” Lorelai looked inside her purse, “Yep, I forgot my wallet. I’ll go back inside, okay?”
Rory hummed in response as Lorelai turned on her heels and fled the tense bubble. When Rory and Dean were alone, both could sigh freely.
“How’s the arm?”
Dean looked down at his wrist, “good. Good.”
“You sure?” She looked up, eyebrows creased in worry.
“Yeah. It works fine…”
“Okay,” Rory nodded and grabbed tightly her backpack straps.
“I’m… I’m really sorry about your car. I’ll fix it as soon as I can, I promise-”
“No. Dean. Is fine.”
“It’s not. It was my fault your car is now unusable, so is only fair I fix it.”
“It was not your fault, you weren’t the one driving. I-” Rory swallowed, “I’m also to blame, I let Jess drive the car knowing it was best if you drove. I trusted him and he crashed my car, he broke your wrist and then he left town-”
Dean looked at her, really looked at her, “What?”
“Although, I guess, it is much better now because he won’t cause any trouble-”
“Rory. What do you mean he left town?” Dean felt a whole being carved at the pit of his stomach.
The girl looked up, stopping her rambling, “Jess! He… he left Stars Hollow.”
“What? To where?”
“He went back to New York, I think.”
Dean took a step back, the words just downed to him. Jess left… Jess had left yesterday night. He… He— Dean’s shock slowly morphing into anger— was such a coward. The boy tightened his jaw, feeling a stab at his chest.
“Is he really gone?”
“Yes.”
He sighed, “Okay.”
Rory’s eyes widened at his words, but nodded all the same. She shuffled in place expectantly and then looked down at her watch, “I… I have to go. I don’t want to be late.”
“Oh, yeah. Yeah.” He closed the distance with her. He glanced at her lips, but at the last minute, he turned to peck her cheek. Some part of him screamed at him for his distantness, but another part of him—weirdly— was relieved he didn’t truly kiss her. Guilt started to make his palms sweat.
The smart girl looked up, taking a step back. A look of confusion flashed across her face just for her to shake her head and head back to the breakfast to look for Lorelai.
So… Jess was gone and Dean was angry, bordering on upset. He left without a word, not even a goodbye or an apology. Why were those thoughts eating at him? If Jess was gone, that meant that there wouldn’t be anyone who would interfere between him and Rory. No more petty arguments, no more constant vigilant of where was Jess off to, and no more of his aloofness. A Stars Hollow without Jess… and it felt awfully empty. Boring to a point. Why? Dean couldn’t help but dread that scenario. Why was he so upset? Stars Hollow had truly fallen through the looking glass.
✦
“Dean-o!”
Dean looked away from his locker and smiled, “Hey Lane. I finished my part of the project here- wait-” He was already fumbling with his backpack, the zipper becoming impossible to open from the bulkiness of the cast.
“Here, let me help.”
“You don’t need to.”
“Nonsense,” Lane was already helping him open his backpack and take the blue folder out. She seemed satisfied just by looking at the cover, “I’ll tell you, you are one of the only guys I tolerate being paired up with. Now that science is out of the way. How’s the arm?”
“Good. Fine. Just inconvenient,” Dean said as he readjusted his backpack strap over his shoulder, already walking down the hall.
“I bet,” she glanced at his wrist, “Aw, you even got a little heart on it.”
“Yeah, my sister wouldn’t let me leave the house until she signed it.”
“That’s cute,” She sighed, “I bet if I had siblings probably mom wouldn’t be as strict with me.”
“How’s Mrs Kim?”
“The usual. Although, after yesterday she keeps telling me ‘See Lane? American boys are crazy’, I even have an earlier curfew. How kind of Jess to ruin my plans,” she muttered the last words in annoyance.
Dean swallowed trying to ease the lump in his throat at the mention of Jess. He just responded with a light hum and kept silently walking, looking down at the floor.
“So… cast guy. You want me to sign your arm?”
That made him stop and look at her, “Sure.”
“Cool!” From the smallest pocket of her backpack, she pulled out a marker, “You want something creative, profound or should I just stick with the conventional ‘Get Well Soon’?”
Dean shrugged, “Whatever you want, just as long as is not embarrassing.”
“Aw, but embarrassing is the whole point! This is your whole ‘I Broke My Wrist’ statement, I should even add glitter on it.”
“Don’t. I’ll be picking that stuff out for weeks.”
“Here,” Dean looked at his cast to see a ‘Get Well Eventually’ written on the surface, “Hold on.”
She took out a sticker from her pocket, “You like The Clash too, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Awesome, we need to add a cool factor to your cast,” and without anything else to say she stuck the sticker.
Dean grinned at her, “Thanks.”
“Does it make you feel better?”
“It does. Thank you.”
“No problem. Now, hurry up because I don’t want to feel the wrath of Mrs Lombardo and her lecture on time again.”
Dean could only look at the cast, it did brought a smile to his face. At least it made him forget the weeks ahead without hockey to play and possibly without Jess to bother him.
✦
This was the sixth time he had stopped on his way to work to observe a black-haired guy in the distance, only for them to turn around and not be the person he expected to see. It was stupid how shocked he felt each time, even though it was obvious that Jess wouldn’t come back from New York that quickly… Maybe he wouldn’t come back at all.
Dean thought something was wrong with him, seriously wrong. His heart would race at the possibility of Jess being back and then slow enough to feel like a stop when he noticed they were not him. Had he developed tachycardia? Some sort of weird anxiety? He could ask his mom, but maybe that’ll worry her too much.
Hearing the chime of the bell as he entered Doose’s Market brought him back to reality. He glanced around until he found Taylor fixing a heavy box in the corner.
“Taylor…”
“Dean!” The man turned, “It’s great you’re here.”
Dean saw how Taylor was fumbling with the big flour sacs from the box, so he moved to help, “Here let me.”
“No. No. No. I need you to refill the back shelves, not lift heavy things.”
A pang of guilt made Dean stop. He glanced at his arm and pulled it against his chest. The back shelves? Does he mean the fruit and small biscuit boxes? Why?
“No problem, but- Taylor listen I-”
“Oh, no. Just look at that arm,” a caring tone in his voice.
Oh… right… that’s why…I should have expected it, Dean thought.
“Right, that. It’s fine, really,” he moved his other hand to cover the cast.
“Does it hurt?” Taylor seemed to not have even noticed how uncomfortable Dean felt at all the attention on his injury.
Dean shook his head, “No, not much. I can still use it.”
“Hope you’re not getting addicted to painkillers like those Hollywood people do.”
The boy squinted at him, “Am… I’m not. Don’t worry. But-”
“Good, because pain is your body’s way of saying: ‘I’m not okay now, but will be soon.’”
“I’ll remember that.”
“-You don’t wanna shut your body up too soon. That’s called ‘death.’”
“Uh-hu…” it took him a second to collect his thoughts, “Taylor, listen I wanted to apologize to you.”
“About what?”
“About the accident. The car hit the bench that had your new Doose’s Market sign on it. You can cut it from my salary to pay it.”
“Oh, well. It wasn’t your fault.”
Dean seemed to be taken aback, “but we hit the bench… with the car… I was inside the car.”
“The car hit the bench because that Jess was driving.”
“You don’t understand, Jess-”
“That boy is a walking natural disaster. They should name a tornado after him.”
“Wait, Taylor. We both were in the car and I told him-”
“You don’t have to explain a thing to me,” Taylor put his hand up in a sign for the boy to stop, “I know that there’s absolutely no way that you would be involved in something like that, that’s why I trust you as an employee. As I said to Rory, Chachi and Chachi alone will be held responsible for that incident. Okay?”
“Taylor-”
“Good. Now, take the small boxes in the back. If they are too heavy, just ask.”
With that Dean was left alone in the corner as Taylor strutted away to the cash register. Words wouldn’t come out, he felt his tongue heavy against his mouth. Dean remembered how bitter Jess sounded when he mentioned how the town treated him, and what they thought of him. At first, he thought that Jess was being the typical misunderstood angry kid but… he wasn’t far off. Taylor was a very judgmental person but Rory was also angry at him, scratch that… even Lane was angry at him.
Stars Hollow never welcomed Jess at all…
With that thought in mind, he reached for his green apron, wishing he could have come to that realization earlier.
✦
“Dean!”
“Mom I swear it’s fine,” he said pulling his wrist away from her as he took off the plastic wrap. He had just showered, changed into his pajamas, and he was done with how everyone looked at him like he was going to break at any second. It was not like last time, he just fractured his wrist and would heal in two weeks, but he didn’t have the heart to tell his mom.
“It’s- I know,” her mother stuttered, “But I’m your mother and have every right to be worried.”
He looked across the hall, his wet hair stuck to his forehead. Dean could see the small silhouette of Clara watching the scene from the corner of the stairs, he swallowed.
“I know…” Looking back at his mom he sighed, she looked like she hadn’t slept in a while. She still was wearing her purple scrubs and her brown hair in a clip, strands out of place, and pale skin.
“Why… Dean… I beg you. Tell me what happened yesterday. Who did this.”
Dean looked at his mom’s hand on his shoulder, “I can’t.”
“Okay,” she nodded, lips in a thin line. “Okay. Then forget about your driving classes with your dad.”
Dean’s eyes widened, “What? You can’t do that-”
“I told you if something like that happened again I would have to take matters into my own hands. I don’t want to see you driving or someone that I don’t know driving you around. Understood? Your dad and I will be the only ones driving you, if we can’t, use the bus.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Thank God your step-brother took that dreadful motorcycle.”
“Because you no longer approve of it! Dad lend it to me-”
“Well, I hope it stays in Chicago with your dad. I can’t even, he lend you an express ticket to the emergency room.”
“You know I’m careful out there,” Dean’s voice kept rising.
“Well some other people are not and you should know that by now!”
Silence ruled the house after his mother’s last words. A flash of memories assaulted Dean’s mind which he shook away before he could feel the goosebumps. He looked back to the stairs and Clara was no longer there. She probably got overwhelmed…
“I don’t want to fight,” his mom dried away the borders of her eyes.
“Me neither,” He glanced down at the cast, “Can I go now?”
His mom nodded, “Yeah.”
Dean walked in long strides up the staircase until he reached Clara’s room. With a light knock on her bedroom door, he waited outside until a small “come in” let him enter.
“Hey,” he said softly. She was sitting next to the window hugging her plush bunny against her chest.
“Mom is just worried about you,” she said without even a glance at him.
Dean nodded and sat next to her, “Yeah… I know.”
“When they called her from the hospital she ran straight to the emergency room in the critical area, they redirected her to where you were.”
Guilt pressed against his lungs, making it difficult but he tried to breathe normally, “really?”
Clara nodded absently, “she told them about the metal bar in your back. She looked prepared for any news but at the same time she was terrified.”
Instinctively Dean grabbed his casted forearm, “I’m sorry. The last thing I wanted was to worry both of you.”
“It was that Jess guy, wasn’t it?”
Her eyes lifted up to him, he paled at her sentence. Even though it sounded like a question Dean knew she knew the answer. So he nodded.
“What a prick-”
“Hey,” Dean held her arms, “Hey. Jess was also very worried. He was scared. It wasn’t his fault-”
“He got you in another car accident.”
“We got ourselves in the car accident. It wasn’t his fault.”
“He is always problem, every time he bothered you-”
“Don’t say that. Don’t say that about him. We… We just got some differences but… I think I just judge him wrong.”
“Where is he then?”
Dean swallowed, “he’s not here. He left, I don’t know why.”
“Oh, so he is a coward.”
He is… “There must have been a reason.”
“Why are you taking his side all of a sudden? He’s always bothering you and Rory?”
“Because if I had been the one on the wheel… I would also want to run away from Stars Hollow.”
Clara sniffed unsurely and used the bunny ears to dry her cheeks, “So… you trust him now?”
“I can start to try…” He patted her head, “but don’t tell mom. Please.”
She chuckled at his attempt at over-exaggerated puppy eyes, “That will cost you.”
Dean smiled, “how about a chocolate bar from Doose’s?”
Clara pulled her hand out for a handshake and Dean took that handshake gladly, “deal.”
✦
Dean looked around Stars Hollow. It was night time and the only lights were the street lights twinkling in the darkness. He had sneaked out of his house when his mom went to sleep.
He felt guilty, a feeling he had started to familiarize himself too well since yesterday. But he couldn’t sleep. The boy just needed to get out, be alone, and not listen to what everyone said because they would loop from talking about his arm to insulting Jess. He was too tired for that.
He stopped in his tracks when he noticed a man in a flannel shirt get out of the green Chevrolet truck, Luke. Luke was back. It felt like order had finally arrived at Stars Hollow.
“Luke,” he called as he made his way to the diner.
The man looked up, surprise in his eyes, “Dean.”
“So… You’re back from fishing?” He glanced at the fishing gear on the trunk.
“I am.”
“Did you catch anything?”
Luke shook his head, “Nah, apparently the fish went fishing, also.”
Dean nodded, “it happens…”
“Yeah. Well… so, that’s the, uh,” he trailed off, gesturing at the bandaged arm.
“Oh… yeah.”
“Does it hurt?”
Dean gave him a tight smile at his response, which seemed to be the first thing people would ask him, it seemed almost robotic. “No, not really. It just itches, a lot.”
“Yeah, I can imagine. Make sure you don’t use a pencil.”
Dean cocked his head to the side, “what?”
“Your arm- You know, when it itches? I broke my arm once. Itching drove me crazy. Grabbed a pencil, shoved it down the cast to scratch. You know.”
The boy grimaced at the picture, “made it worse?”
“Made it worse.”
“Got it. No pencils, I promise.”
“Good.” Luke took his fishing gear from the truck and walked to the entrance of the diner, “So you… want some coffee kiddo?”
“Yeah, sure.”
He wouldn’t usually drink coffee at this hour but if it meant to be away from part of Stars Hollow for some time, then it wouldn’t hurt him. As both entered the diner, Luke maneuvered his gear through the tables.
“Where’s Rory?”
“Oh, she’s at a party with her mom. Didn’t want to bother her.”
“Ah, sounds nice,” Luke motioned to the counter, “grab yourself a donut.”
“You don’t need to-”
“I insist.”
“Thanks,” Dean finally sat at the counter nervously pulling a donut from the glass tray. He held his breath before speaking, “So… have you heard from Jess?”
Luke took hold of the coffee pot, “Oh, no, I talked to his mom though. He got home okay.”
Dean’s ear perked at his words, “That’s good.”
“Yeah, good. Hey, did your parents call? Because I couldn’t answer while away and you know how parents worry.”
“She didn’t need to, she’s… busy.”
Luke stopped and observed him, he seemed to know what he meant, “Oh… Okay.”
“Luke?”
“Yeah?”
Dean felt like a weight had been lifted when he said, “It wasn’t his fault. I don’t blame him.”
Luke smiled and slid a coffee cup in front of him, “I know kiddo.”
Oddly enough. Luke’s diner seemed to be the only place Dean felt sheltered from Stars Hollow, for the first time. Had Jess felt the same? He bit his tongue down before he would ask something he would regret, and drank the warm coffee.