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Tommy rushed through the emergency room doors, still in his turnouts. The thought occurred to him: the last time he walked through these hospital doors, Evan had rushed to him and planted one hell of a kiss on him.
But not this time. This time, he walked to the reception desk and waited.
"I'm sorry for the wait. How can I help you, sir?" the nurse asked.
"I'm looking for Evan Buckley. I received a call that he was here."
"Are you family?"
"I'm his boyfriend."
"I'm sorry, sir, but only family is allowed."
"I'm his emergency contact. Tommy Kinard." That has to count for something, Tommy thought.
"Tommy!" he heard coming from the side and looked over. He saw Eddie calling him over.
"Uh, never mind. Thank you. I see his family over there." Tommy walked away.
"Eddie? What the hell happened? Where's Evan?"
"Gerrard fucking happened. And Buck's cowboy attitude."
Tommy ran his hands over his face. "I told him to watch out. Fuck, how is he? How bad is it?"
"Don't know yet. From Hen’s initial exam in route, it looks like a possible concussion, dislocated shoulder, fractured or broken ribs, and smoke inhalation," Eddie explained. Each injury made the knot already in Tommy's chest tighten.
"We're all just hanging back, waiting for the doctor. Are you really his emergency contact?"
Tommy looked at him and shook his head. "I mean, no, not technically. That's still his sister."
"Desperate Kinard? This is new," Eddie laughed.
"Hey, don't tell me you haven't lied a little to get into the room once or twice."
Eddie raised his hands as he laughed. "Hey, we were talking about you here, not me."
Tommy laughed and sat down in a chair in the waiting room. "So, what's happening now?"
Eddie came and sat down next to him. "They’re taking him for tests. How long that will be, God only knows."
Tommy nodded and looked down. The knot that had formed in his chest wouldn't go away until he saw Evan, he knew. He sat, bouncing his leg.
"Hey man, he's going to be fine. Buck's a resilient little fucker. He's going to pull through this in no time."
Tommy half-smiled. "I know. I know what the job entails. I'm a firefighter. I know there is injury risk that comes with the job. I just wasn't prepared for what it would be like being on this side of it in a relationship. It's..."
"Harder when it's someone you love, someone you're in love with?"
Tommy looked up at Eddie. "I know, too soon for that shit."
Eddie reached over and smacked Tommy upside the back of his head.
"Owe! What the fuck, Diaz?" Tommy exclaimed.
"That was for being stupid. It's never too early if it's how you feel."
"Yeah. Okay. But what about Evan? I can't take that kind of rejection, especially from him."
"'What about Evan?'” Eddie mocked. "Give him the chance to prove you wrong, Tommy. Talk to the man. Tell him. Stop pussyfooting around and live your lives fully together."
"I don’t sound like that, first of all. Second, when did you become so intuitive to the inner workings of my relationship?"
Eddie looked at him with his best "Seriously, bro?" look.
"Right, Evan."
"Yeah, you do sound like that right and. Buck, likes to kiss and tell... a little too much if you ask me."
Tommy nodded and chuckled. "Yeah, you probably know all about my sex life."
"Oh, God no! Buck hasn't even gone there. And I don't want to know. That's all yours."
"That, uh, that surprises me. But also, I'm happy nobody knows."
"Hey, get that look off your face. Just because he doesn't talk about it doesn't mean it's not meaningful to him. He told Hen one time when we were all teasing him about not talking about it that 'sex with Tommy is more than just sex. It's everything I've always wanted and more. It's special and private and between Tommy and I.' It was actually very mature of him, if you ask me."
"He said that."
"Yeah man. I don't know what you two have been doing, and I don't want to know, but don't stop."
Tommy nodded and was about to reply when Bobby came over to them.
"Hey, Tommy. Glad you're here. Buck's asking for you. The doctors say you can go in if you're ready."
Tommy stood and nodded. He quickly shrugged out of his turnout jacket and tossed it at Eddie. "Here, sweet face, hold that for me. Can't have my man all worked up in there." He laughed.
Bobby laughed, and Eddie flipped him off as he was escorted back to Evan's room.
Tommy took a deep breath and knocked on the door before entering. Evan smiled immediately when he saw Tommy walk in. "Baby," Evan beamed.
"Hey, I came as soon as I could."
"Didn't even change. I'm glad you're here. Thank you for coming."
Tommy walked into the room and sat on the edge of the bed, leaning in to kiss Evan. "Of course. How are you feeling? What’s the damage?"
"Dislocated shoulder. Fractured collarbone. Bruised, but not broken ribs. Concussion. And a slight dislocation of my upper lumbar L1-L2."
"Whoa. So, you're grounded for a minute."
"Yeah, no need to remind me." Evan scowled.
"Sorry. Hey, it could have been worse. And I, for one, am glad it wasn’t," Tommy said, reaching his hand up to caress Evan's face.
Evan leaned into the touch and smiled. "Yeah, so am I," he quietly admitted.
"Hey, this just gives me an excuse to use the years of vacation time I have stored up to stay home and take care of you."
"Don’t waste your vacation time on me, Tommy. I’m not that special."
Tommy felt his breath catch in his throat. How could this man sitting in front of him even think that way? "You are to me. It’s not a waste. Let me do this." Eddie's words came back to him, and Tommy looked at Evan, grabbing his hand.
"Look, I want to do this. Because I, uh, I love you, Evan. I’m i-in love with you. And I want to be there for you."
Evan looked down, a sad look in his eyes. "Please don’t say stuff you don’t mean, Tommy," he whispered.
Tommy placed two fingers under Evan’s chin and lifted his face to look into his eyes. "I don’t ever say things I don’t mean, baby. I love you, Evan Buckley. And I don’t know when, but one day I am going to marry the hell out of you. I mean it." Tommy watched the tears come to Evan’s eyes, and a small smile played across his lips.
"You want to marry me?"
"Like you're going to want to get back to work, Hell yes, I want to marry you."
Evan pulled Tommy to him for a kiss, letting it linger. Evan smiled against Tommy’s lips. "When you do ask, my answer will be hell yes. I love you too, Tommy."
Tommy smiled again and rested his hand against the back of Evan’s head, holding him close as he kissed him, letting the world around them fade away. All that mattered was the man in front of him.
Tommy’s entire world was, and always will be, Evan Buckley.
The absolute love of his life.