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Outside of the magical border that protects Camp Hermit from the outside world, it’s raining. Deep, heavy swells that tumble down from the sky, buckets and gallons of water dripping down in a dark attempt to drown the world. Inside the border, however, snow carpets the ground- much more appropriate for January. Much more appropriate for January, but much less so for Pearl’s current emotional state.
Pearl is standing up by Phil’s tree, Gem with her, watching the rain pour down outside. Pearl’s arms are crossed, and she’s looking the other way, and she’s trying not to cry. She wishes she could, but just… not here. Not while Gem’s still around.
Gem glances at her then, and opens her mouth to say something. Pearl grits her teeth in response, hoping that Gem gets the message. Her jaw tightens, and she pretends she doesn’t see the anxious face of the redhead beside her.
Eventually, though, Gem does speak.
“Pearl,” she says, voice uncharacteristically timid, “I brought you up here so we could- so we could have one last talk. If you don’t want to be here, you can just go.”
A frustrated sigh escapes Pearl’s lips before she can stop herself. She digs her hands into the kangaroo pocket of her oversized red hoodie, still refusing to look Gem’s way.
“I do want to be here,” Pearl refutes, the words tasting bitter on her tongue. She means them, and at the same time, she doesn’t. When the hell did things get so complicated ? “But more than that, I want you to be here .” Turning around with an angry sweep of her arm, Pearl gestures to the valley laid out before the two of them, campers going about their days happily. She wants to be one of them. She wants Gem to be one of them.
But, predictably, Gem’s face falls. “Pearl, I can’t .”
“And why not?” she spits, voice sharp. This is petty. Pearl knows it’s petty. She’s already had the whole situation explained to her (more than once), but that doesn’t mean she has to like it. Realistically, Pearl understands this is not Gem’s fault. And yet… and yet, Pearl can’t help but feel vindicated as the shorter girl’s shoulders slump. “Why can’t you just stay here, with me? Xisuma would be fine with it. He was okay with you sticking around before.”
“I’m a mortal,” Gem says, voice still infuriatingly soft. “I can’t stay here. X only let me stick around because we’re friends, and he couldn’t just turn me away back into the mortal world when I’ve already seen all of this. Joining the Hunters is the only option I have left. You’re a halfblood, and I’m… not. It was never gonna work out for us to stick together, Pearl. I’m sorry.”
“I know,” Pearl whispers, and her voice is breathy and choked as holding back tears becomes suddenly more difficult. “I know . And this sucks. I don’t- I don’t want you to go.”
It’s spoken like a quiet confession, a secret left between two girls standing on a hill, neither able to look at the other. Pearl hates this. She had been so happy when Xisuma had said he’d make an exception for Gem- how stupid of her to assume it would be permanent. Because Pearl is a daughter of Demeter- she’s a halfblood. And Gem is a plain-old mortal who was running away from a bad situation at home, while Pearl was running from monsters.
“You could come with me,” Gem suggests, but her tone is defeated, only covered by the faintest of optimistic veneers. She and Pearl have already traveled this loop of a conversation countless times- it’s pointless to do this again. Pearl falls into the pattern regardless. She’s eager to have a direction to follow, eager to not feel quite so lost . “Join the Hunters of Artemis. We could- we wouldn’t have to be apart.”
Pearl shakes her head before Gem finishes speaking. The hunters aren’t for her- Pearl has new friends here, and for the first time in her life, she feels wanted. It’s miraculous here, at Camp Hermit, eve despite the cruelty it holds at taking Gem from her. And as much as Pearl wants to stick with Gem, she doesn’t know if she can leave the haven she’s found here. “I can’t.”
“I know.” Gem accepts the statement quietly. It’s the perfect mirror of how Pearl had just begged Gem to stay, and that hurts . They’re both being pulled apart by the circumstances, and neither wants to leave, but sometimes that’s just how things are. Sometimes the universe is cruel.
And sometimes, Pearl fucking hates the universe for it.
The minutes pass, and the silence is dark and dreary. The sounds of the rain from outside the border are loud, splattering down onto saturated ground, mud leaking down the side of Halfblood Hill. The sky is dark, thick clouds spiralling and echoing, and Pearl can’t help but think how depressing this is. All of it. Even if the weather doesn’t permeate the borders of Camp, Pearl wishes it did. She wishes that everyone else had a glimpse of the real world for once- a world where you lose people, a world where it rains in January and the bright beauty of winter is just as fragile as anything else.
But no- the snow is chipper and false inside Camp Hermit. Kids are throwing snowballs at each other and laughing, and no one realizes that it’s fake. The snow shouldn’t be here. They’re living in a world that isn’t what it should be.
“When are they arriving?” Pearl asks eventually, voice emotionless and utterly dull. Gem startles beside her, tossing her a look that Pearl deliberately does not return.
“Um- should be here any second, actually.”
“Hm.” Pearl nods sharply, and the conversation dwindles once again. Just a month ago. Pearl and Gem would’ve been laughing and joking. Just a week ago, Pearl would’ve been patting herself on the back for making Gem laugh or blush. Just three days ago, Pearl would’ve never entertained the possibility that she and Gem could be separated.
She should’ve known that this was too good to be true. The promise of Camp Hermit, a special place where all are welcome, where halfbloods find their home and make friends and learn to survive in a world that is inherently hostile to them. Well, guess what- the world is inherently hostile to Gem as well, just not in the same way. And does she get special treatment? Is she allowed to stay? No. No, she isn’t, and it’s all because of her parentage. It’s not fair.
Pearl’s hands curl into fists.
It’s not fair .
“We could run away again,” Pearl blurts out. It’s a desperate, reaching possibility, and Pearl knows as soon as she says it that it’s ridiculous. Not even Pearl would want to do this, much less Gem. Nonetheless, she continues, facing Gem for the first time that day and hoping the desperation in her eyes is as visible to Gem as it is tactile to Pearl herself. “We could leave. Just- just grab some weapons, and head out into the world. Like the old times, Gem, before we found this place. We could- we could stick together.”
“Pearl.” Gem speaks her name mournfully, small hands coming up and resting on either side of Pearl’s long face. “Do you really want that?”
Pearl drops her head. It’s a sign of defeat, and Gem knows it. And then, with her face in Gem’s hands, Pearl can’t help herself anymore. She purses her lips and closes her eyes, but can’t help it as the first tear begins to leak out of the corner of her eye.
And from there, the floodgates open. Pearl can’t stop as her body wracks with sobs, arms clutching around her chest, allowing herself to openly grieve for the first time since she’d gotten the news that Gem would have to leave. Her vision goes blurry with tears, and for a terrifying moment, she can’t breathe under the weight of it all.
Gem’s hands move from her face, and all of a sudden, Pearl feels completely alone. She reaches out blindly, hoping she hasn’t ruined things, hoping that Gem isn’t mad at her, when she feels arms wrap around her neck, holding her tight. Gem’s face buries itself in her shoulder, and despite herself, Pearl finds herself hugging Gem back.
It takes a little bit for Pearl to calm down, and even when she does, there’s still a deep sadness within her that she doesn’t know if she’ll be able to shake. But on top of all that, Pearl feels an irrational, guilty anger. And worst of all, it’s directed towards Gem.
“I need to go now,” Gem whispers eventually, thumb brushing over Pearl’s cheek and pushing away a wayward tear. “I’ll- I’ll see you-”
“No, you won’t,” Pearl mutters, glancing to the side rebelliously once more.
Gem’s jaw tightens. “Fine, then. I won’t. But I just- I need-”
Sighing, Gem seems to weigh her options, before that familiar steely light that Pearl loves appears in her eyes. Gem grabs the front of Pearl’s hoodie, pulling her down, and kisses her hard. It’s rough and hurried and full of emotions left unsaid. There are things in that kiss that will never see the light of day, thoughts and wishes that will never come to fruition because of rules that Pearl wishes she could pound into a ruddy paste.
Pearl closes her eyes, and although she’s angry, she’s also sad. And to be honest, Pearl has wanted to do this for a very long time. She just hates the circumstances. Pearl leans in, and the final touch of a soft hand ghosts across her face. Then the lips against hers pull back, and Pearl’s hoodie is released. She stands up straight, glancing around wildly, but Gem is nowhere to be seen. The rain hides nothing on the other side of the hill, and neither does the snow on this one.
Pearl almost thinks she would have dreamt her up, if not for the final puff of Gem’s condensed breath dissipating slowly in front of her.