Chapter Text
It’s like Hyeongjun’s whole world stops whenever he hears the seven words from his manager on the phone. He was practicing a riff on his guitar, yet he was about to drop it in pure shock. His heart drops, and he can only stand there in disbelief.
He can’t think properly right now. A million images are flashing through his head right now, with both bad and good outcomes and he can’t control his emotions.
In an instant, even as the manager was still on call with him, Hyeongjun almost throws his guitar to the floor to quickly put on a shirt and stuffs his bookbag with items such as his water bottle, charger, and wallet. As he’s leaving his room, he crashes into Seungmin, who notices the distressed and panicked look on his face.
Seungmin most likely just got the same phone call from their manager; Hyeongjun can tell from his red face and furrowed eyebrows.
Seungmin grabs his shoulders. “Hyeongjun.” He looks at him in the eye. “Calm down. I’ll drive us, Okay? But you need to distract yourself right now.”
Hyeongjun’s on the burst of tears as he escapes from his grip to grab some snacks from their pantry. “How am I supposed to distract myself if this is the only thing on my mind?” His hands are messy; They’re not organized, they’re grabbing snacks quickly and he’s not even realizing that some are being dropped to the floor.
Gunil, Jungsu, and Jooyeon all come out of their rooms with their stuff. Jooyeon has almost the same look as Hyeongjun. “You can worry, but you need to not panic. We have to make sure we take care of ourselves as well.”
Hyeongjun slams the pantry door closed, “Jiseok might be dead by the time we get to the fucking hospital! I’m not going to stop panicking until I know he’ll be okay!” His breath is getting heavy, and all four of them stare at him with worried looks– not just for Jiseok anymore, but because they didn't realize how much this was affecting him.
Jiseok has gotten into a car accident.
Gunil checks his pockets, “Does everybody have everything? We probably won’t be here tomorrow.”
As the rest of the group practically run out of the dorms, Seungmin unlocks the car and opens the door to the middle. “Hyeongjun, sit in the back with Jooyeon.”
Hyeongjun sighs, “Fine. But as soon as we’re there I’m jumping out the car.” He wanted shotgun to see better, but this was understandable.
The drive to the hospital is actually around 10 minutes, but to the members it feels like forever. Jooyeon is crying silently in the dark, as it’s almost ten at night, but still tries to help Hyeongjun. Seungmin is driving at exactly the speed limit, hoping to reach the hospital before the ambulance does. Gunil and Jungsu are calling staff at JYP, informing them of the situation.
Jiseok has gotten into a car accident, His manager's voice repeats again and again in Hyeongjun’s mind. He feels like he’s going crazy, and if it was possible, he would’ve ran to the hospital himself.
As soon as they arrive, they only have to wait a minute until the ambulance makes it through the parking lot and the members get out of the car in a haste to see Jiseok’s condition.
The back of the ambulance opens, and two paramedics help pull out Jiseok on his stretcher. “22 year old male involved in a car accident, BP 85/55, pulse 50, might have some internal bleeding. I put him on some normal saline and ringers for his IV.”
“Oh my god.” It hurts Hyeongjun to even look at Jiseok. There’s so much blood on him— it looks like a pint has been lost. There's some dripping down from his head, his nose, seeping through his white shirt, and the rest of his body looks horribly bruised up. His eyes are shut, and if it wasn’t for the medics saying anything, Hyeongjun would’ve thought he was gone.
The paramedics roll him in with the rest of the members either behind or beside him. The ER workers quickly take him to a trauma bay, and the members are forced to stay outside the room and watch.
“His pupils are blown, most likely from the head trauma. Don’t forget to watch his blood pressure.” One of the doctors say as she touches Jiseok’s stomach. “His abdomen is tender.”
“There’s also a lot of blood in his stomach.” Another one says. “We need to find the source immediately.”
Hyeongjun watches in horror with his hands covering his mouth. He wants to bang on the glass, to let him be with Jiseok, but he knows that’s not allowed.
Another one grabs the scanner machine and puts it on him. “His spleen is ruptured and his oxygen stats are depleting. We have to take him to surgery now."
Jungsu doesn't hide the way he’s in obvious distress from this. His voice is shaking, “The spleen can cause the most lethal internal bleeding, especially from car accidents.”
Gunil adds on to that, “They said he has head trauma too, right?”
Jungsu nods, “That’ll be something else to deal with. Hopefully he’ll be fine. No other major injuries for him.”
The doctors are taking him out of the bay, quickly rolling him over the the elevator. Hyeongjun can’t help but run over to them. Jooyeon tries to grab him, but he’s able to escape from his hold. “What’s going to happen to him?”
One of them looks at him in pity. “We’ll need to perform a partial splenectomy to control the bleeding, and we have to do a scan for his head trauma, as he might have internal bleeding there as well.”
Hyeongjun knows they’re doctors, they’re surgeons, and the whole point of them being here is to help people, but he can’t help himself, he’s losing his sense of stability, “Please save him.”
The surgeon with them nods to him, “He’s in good hands,” And the elevator door closes, leaving the guitarist even more worried then before.
Hyeongjun hesitantly walks back to the rest of the members, on the verge of crying once again. He spots the rest of them in the waiting room sitting down, waiting to be moved to the other one for critical patients.
Jooyeon says quietly, “Do we know how the accident happened yet?”
Seungmin, who had left at one point to talk to a witness from the scene walked over to the members. (he couldn't stand to watch Jiseok like that, he had to do something else) “He got hurt for the stupidest reason.”
It’s silence between all five of them, until Seungmin continues, “The man that hit him was drunk. Driving 92 miles per hour and didn't stop for the light. Crashed right into Jiseok’s side, making his car turn over.”
“And Jiseok wasn’t in the wrong at all, correct?” Jungsu asks.
“Right. He’s suffering for no reason.” Gunil says. “This happens all the time. People get seriously injured when they did what they were supposed to.”
They were eventually all led upstairs to another waiting room, promised that they would be getting constant updates. For ten minutes, no one dares to speak. They’re all trying to stay calm for Jiseok, holding back their tears.
Then, “It’s all my fault.”
Jooyeon turns his neck to him in an instant. “How the fuck is it your fault he’s in this position right now?!”
Hyeongjun stares at the ground, playing with his hands. He’s thinking of the way to say this properly, “He came into my room earlier.” His lip quivers, “He had a huge smile on his face, carrying his game controller in his hand, asking me if I wanted to play Minecraft. I told him that I had left the controller at my parents house during our break.”
His voice cracks for a moment, then carries on, “He was frowning at first, then got an idea so great he started grinning like an idiot.” Hyeongjun slightly smiles, recalling the memory. “He told me he would go out to buy one since he had his license now and wanted us to play together.”
“I stayed behind, thinking it was going to be quick…” Hyeongjun feels a tear running down his cheek, “I let him go.” His eyes shut in pure guilt. “I should’ve told him to stay with me and cuddle…”
Seungmin instantly goes to his side. “Hey, you are not at fault here. You are not the reason why he’s in this position right now.”
Hyeongjun bursts into tears after holding it in, crying loudly despite knowing he’s in public. “I’m– we don’t even know if he’s going to wake up ever again. He’s in so…so much pain.”
Jooyeon starts crying as well, seeing Hyeongjun do exactly that. The maknae has been trying to stay strong for Hyeongjun, but Jiseok is also his best friend.
He hugs Hyeongjun, who is still crying in his hands. “My last words to him weren't even I love you.” He blows his nose with a tissue Gunil provided him. “It was ‘I’ll see you in a bit.”
Jungsu bites his lip to control his feelings, “Trust me, he knows you do. And when he wakes up, you can tell him that.”
“I can’t imagine not having Jiseok with me,” There’s nothing they can do about Hyeongjun now that he’s crying; He won’t stop, his tears won’t stop. “God, I love him so much, and he doesn’t deserve this, he shouldn’t be on the verge of death when he did nothing wrong.”
He cries, finally breaking down as his members surround him with their comfort. His tears stain his hands and shirt, shaking as he lets his feelings all out. He was hoping— no, praying that good news would come.
It’s after around 30 minutes he manages to calm down and Hyeongjun turns on his phone for the first time since he found out the news. His lockscreen is a mirror selfie of him and Jiseok, and he knows that the more he’s on his phone, the more he gets reminded of him.
His home screen is the same photo, the only difference is Jiseok giving Hyeongjun a kiss on the cheek while he’s taking the selfie. His widgets are hidden photos of him as well, and he opens bubble to check on all his messages from fans.
He scrolls through a lot of them and wants to reply but doesn’t have the stability to send anything. He opens Superstar JYP, having to download a lot of data because he hasn’t played it in a while. Once it updates, he immediately goes to play little things, but hearing Jiseok’s voice singing is just too overwhelming for him.
Jiseok, Jiseok, Jiseok. It’s only now that Hyeongjun realizes that his boyfriend is more involved in his life than he thought.
He switches back to bubble again, this time only sending a random fact about ducks that Jiseok had told him this morning when they were eating breakfast together.
Jiseok.
He turns off his phone instead, pulling out a hoodie that he packed in his bag— Jiseok’s. Hyeongjun feels like he’s about to scream, but instead wraps it around himself like a blanket. He closes his eyes as he faintly hears Gunil talking to their manager on the phone, and drifts asleep.
-
Hyeongjun is awoken by Seungmin a couple hours later, “His doctors are coming soon to tell us about the surgery.” He can tell in the olders voice he’s scared— because who wouldn’t be? For all they know, Jiseok could be perfectly fine, or died during the operation, or it was too late, or—
“Stop stressing right now, Hyeongjun.” Jungsu reassures him. “It’ll only make you feel worse.”
Hyeongjun sighs, attempting to calm himself down and two surgeons that he recognized from earlier approach them. “Are you guys for Kwak Jiseok? The members nod in response.
One of the surgeons takes a deep breath, “During the surgery, there was a complication. He had pieces of glass inside his stomach, and the majority of them were in his spleen. We were able to remove his spleen, however he lost a lot of blood at one point. He received a concussion from the accident as well. However, he is still unconscious due to the surgery.”
All five of them are relieved, not bothered to hide it and act professional. “When can we go see him?” Hyeongjun asks. Once again, he can’t help himself.
The other surgeon speaks up, “Um, at the moment, only one person can enter his room but the rest can look through the window.”
Jooyeon immediately points at Hyeongjun, “Let him go inside.” He looks at the others, and they agree. The guitarist smiled gratefully, and although he doesn't say it, he thanks them.
They head to Jiseok’s room, and his boyfriend is relieved from seeing him still alive. He’ll be okay. He’s standing at the front of his door, reading Kwak Jiseok, room 2413 on the name tag. He looks at his members, they nod to let him sit with him.
He pulls a chair up to Jiseok, taking in his appearance. His hair is a mess, he has so many IVs connected to him, he’s wearing the hospital gown, yet to Hyeongjun he still looks gorgeous. “Hey, Ji.” He smiled at the unconscious boy.
Hyeongjun held Jiseok’s hand and kissed it. “I love you.” He smiled softly, “I’m sorry I couldn't do anything for you. I was so worried, you’re all I can think about.”
The others look through the window, smiling as well. “He’s okay, right?” Jooyeon says as he watches Hyeongjun run his fingers through Jiseok’s hair.
“Yes,” Seungmin grabs his waist. “He’s okay.”
-
The members are finally eating after 14 hours of stress whenever they hear on the intercom, “Room 2413, code blue.”
Hyeongjun almost chokes on his bread, but then freezes. That’s the room Jiseok is in.
A code blue is a life-threatening situation…fuck.
All five of the members look at each other, and in an instant they’re running out of the cafeteria to head to Jiseok.
“Get a crash cart, he’s coding!” A doctor shouts from the hallway. Gunil runs beside Hyeongjun, as the two were running the fastest and stop in their tracks as the others catch up, seeing that Jiseok’s monitor says that his oxygen levels are below the 70’s. “What the hell happened here?” I thought he had a ruptured spleen!” Another doctor goes rushing in.
His heart rate is increasing to a point where it could kill him, “He’s in respiratory failure.” The first doctor says. “Where is the oxygen mask?!”
“Oh my god, Jiseok!” Hyeongjun tries to run into the room and Jooyeon grabs him to hold him back, but he escapes. They were prepared for that however, so Seungmin and Jungsu were able to grab him in time. “Hyeongjun, calm down.”
Hyeongjun tries to escape their grasp, but struggles against their strength. “Let me go,” Tears escaped his eyes without him realizing. “I want to be with him.”
Jooyeon watches desperately through the glass, “What the fuck is happening? Why isn’t he breathing properly?” He’s tempted to ask, but he’s afraid of the blinds closing.
“They missed something about his lungs.” Gunil’s crying now. “Because how the hell would he suddenly go into respiratory failure after getting his spleen partially removed?”
Hyeongjun is still trying to escape from Seungmin and Jungsu’s grasp as he shouts, “What’s happening?”
“He needs to be intubated.” One of the doctors says. “And quickly, because he doesn't have a lot of time left.”
The monitor keeps beeping even louder. His heart stopped. “Fuck. Start chest compressions. We have to wait until his heart starts beating to intubate.”
They do chest compressions for a minute. The doctors check his pulse. Nothing. Another minute goes by and nothing.
Everyone watches in horror as the more time passes by, nothing is changing. Despite all the effort, Jiseok’s heart is showing no sign of life. The doctors take turns, and still nothing.
“Keep trying…” Hyeongjun whimpers, “Please, don’t let him die.”
One of the nurses looks at him, and it only determines her more to press harder. The compressions are getting more and more desperate, everyone can tell.
Hyeongjun sobs, watching as Jiseok’s body isn't waking up at all. He was perfectly fine— not awake, but fine hours ago. He was stable. What had happened to lead them to this?
His vision is blurry, the beeping of the monitor is ringing in his ears, he can only touch the glass of the window, but not Jiseok himself. Everything is so, too overwhelming for him to handle himself probably. His feelings are out of control, and he feels like he’s about to pass out.
He yells at the top of his lungs, “JISEOK!”