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So listen, sometimes Eddie made bad decisions.
Shoot him! When you grow up in house that makes bad decisions your whole childhood, then you go get a girl pregnant and run away to the army, sometimes old habits die hard.
Although Christopher’s existence was not a mistake thank you very much. Sometimes Eddie just wished the circumstances of his birth and those first chaotic years of him and Shannon being parents were different, but anyway.
Eddie’s all time no1 of his own personal greatest hits of big bad mistakes was driving his son away to Texas. To live in that very same family house full bad mistakes from long past of all places. Because Eddie messed around with a doppelgänger of his dead fucking wife, yeah that was a bad decision too.
If Eddie thought about it too much - as in if work didn’t pull him exhausted to bed where he was asleep as soon as he hit the mattress, or if Buck wasn’t buzzing around him keeping him occupied - it was almost to much and Eddie had almost booked several flights to El Paso already.
Which is what brought him here really. That and Brad’s words echoing around his head. Stupid Brad all pearly white teeth, role model fake firefighter with his bizarrely profound words of wisdom.
Moving to Texas was right. It was a good decision. Good for Chris.
And yeah, part of Eddie felt it was abit insane. But when Buck smiled at him and said he’d help him look at houses, took the iPad off him and marched to the sofa. Eddie knew he’d made the right call. Buck always had his back and Eddie knew he’d tell him if he thought this was a bad decision.
Right?
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“So what does Chris think?” Hen asked as she wiped her cloth over the already shining bright red of the truck she had been cleaning the next day as Eddie filled her in on his plans.
“What?”
“Chris” Hen said, blinking behind her thick black glasses and tilting her head at Eddie as he squinted at her. “What does he think of you moving back to El Paso?”
“I…well” Eddie stuttered, eyes glancing over her shoulder to where Chim and Buck seemed to he having a pretty serious conversation. Both of them stared right back and jumped as their eyes met, the two men scampered across the bay. “Uhh...what’s that all about?”
Hen clicked her fingers in front of his face.
“Focus Edmundo! Please tell me you’ve told your son” she rubbed her hands over her face and sighed, shaking her head at the floor “-that you want to move back to the same state, the very same town that he currently resides in that you’re moving back there, even though he specifically left California to get away from you?”
Eddie let his own cloth fall to his side, a hand on his hip. Hen raised an eyebrow.
“Okay ouch, Henrietta” he said. “No, I haven’t spoken to him about it yet” he winced and Hen sighed exasperatedly.
“What is it with all of you guys and moving around without having a proper plan? First Chim moved into a literal murder house. Then Bobby moved into the house David built Athena and it literally burned to the ground. Then Buck asks Tommy to move in with him even after he found out he was engaged to freaking Abby and now you’re moving back to the town your son went to spend some time apart? Should I be concerned about my family’s welfare and sanity in connection to our house? Because I’m starting to feel like I’m next!” she exclaimed, slowly turning her head back to the truck and shaking her head in disbelief
“Oh don’t be so-“ Eddie paused, eyes widening as he stuttered. “Wait a minute. Back the fuck up. Buck did what?”
Hen scrunched her eyebrows again. “Uh, which part? Surely he told you about the Abby thing?”
“Of course I-!” He made an exasperated noise and pinched the bridge of his nose before he tried again. “Yes, I know about the new 'Abby lore' that just dropped as Chris would said. I thought that was the crazy thing! Buck Taylored Tommy?”
Hen pressed her lips together, checking over her shoulders that Buck wasn’t close by. “Uh…yes? He didn’t tell you?”
Eddie stared at his own reflection in the frankly too polished fire truck. His shiny red reflection stared back at him, shocked and if anything a bit betrayed as he frowned at himself.
“No! He came over to mine, uh…we drank beer on my couch and he told me Tommy dumped him” he explained, eyebrows climbing up his face and as an unpleasant sensation swirled in his gut.
Hen’s cloth dropped to her side as something dawned over her face as she thought something through.
“Wait a second. When did Buck come over?” Her voice had grown slightly shrill, panicked even. Like Chimney when he was trying not to lie about something.
“Uhhhh, like pretty much straight after I think?”
“Strai…” she started to repeat, then trailed off as her eyes went wide. Then she scrunched up her face and glared at him. “I really hate you. All of you. Do I have to do everything myself around here?”
“Huh?” Eddie stared at her as she began to storm in the direction of the gym, leaving Eddie flummoxed with a whole other side of the truck to clean. “Hen, where are you going?!”
“I’ll handle Buck, Eddie. But please for the love of god talk to Christopher!” Hen bellowed, twisting on the spot to shout over her shoulder at him. Several of the B shift team arriving for their shift turned to stare at him as he grimaced.
“Did someone say love of god?” Bobby’s voice asked from above them in the loft. Eddie looked up to find him paused by the railing, a stack of paperwork in hand, eyebrows raised at him. “Are you having a crisis of faith again, Eddie?”
Eddie looked up at the ceiling with a sigh and a shake of his head, wondering if he needed to start getting more sleep for things to make more sense. He rubbed at his brow and swore if there was a god, he wasn’t sure he believed in him if he was real or not at this point.
“Something like that Cap” he mumbled as Bobby walked away with a shrug, mumbling something about his firehouse being more like a circus.
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Eddie waited as the trill of the FaceTime dial tone filled his front room. He exhaled shakily and reached for his beer, condescending on the table, and took a heavy sip for courage.
He wished Buck was here to hype him up, Buck always knew what to say in situations like this. He’d give Eddie a pep talk, make him list all of the worst case scenarios and break each of them down, reassure him of the choices and decisions he was making.
But then again this was the same Evan Buckley that had apparently asked Tommy fucking Kinnard to move in with him. So maybe he wasn’t always the greatest at decisions himself. Who in their right mind-
Eddie’s thought process was cut off as the jarring sound stopped and the call was accepted. After a second of delay, Chris’ face filled Eddie’s screen.
Eddie smiled.
“Hey Dad” Chris mulled, monotone.
“Hey buddy!” He said anxiously. “How was chess club?”
“That was yesterday Dad. I always have chess club on a Tuesday”
“Sorry. How was it?”
“Fine. But I keep loosing, so I’m not sure how long I’m going to stick to it” he shrugged.
Eddie’s heart continued to pound against his rib cage as he said:
“Ah, don’t give up now! Maybe we can practice together? I know you’ve been practicing with your Grandpa but-“
Chris rolled his eyes. “Please don’t tell me Buck’s got you playing online chess against the computer? I don’t know how many times I’ve told him that’s lame”
“No I…” Eddie scrubbed at his face and exhaled shakily. “I thought we could practice when I next see you. Me and you”
Chris’ face scrunched up in confusion. “You’re coming to El Paso for Christmas?”
“Well no…maybe…I don’t know yet! It depends honestly”
“On what?” Chris said with a tilt of his head.
“I…I’ve been thinking. California is nice and all but…maybe it’s time I moved back to El Paso with you. Make it permanent. You keep your life there and I can be uh…more around, you know, as your Dad…”
Eddie winced as Chris’ eyes widened almost comically behind his glasses. He physically lent back in his desk chair and stared at his Dad.
Eddie held his breath as the charged silence tipped on. His knuckles turned white as he gripped the iPad in his hold.
“Dad” Chris begun, closing his eyes and shaking his head slowly. “No”
“What?”
“No. You’re not moving to El Paso”
“Excuse me?” Eddie spluttered, staring down at his Son miles away as he rolled his eyes.
“Dad” Chris sighed and slowly smiled at Eddie. “I moved to Texas for abit because you really pissed me off and I didn’t know what else to do that would piss you off other than going to live Grandma and Grandpa” he explained, voice exasperated like this should have been obvious. “I don’t want you to live here too”
“I don’t understand”
“I’m living here temporarily Dad. I was always going to come home to LA. To you, and to Buck and to the life we’ve built there. I just…needed time. I still do”
Eddie hasn’t even realised his jaw had dropped open.
“LA is my home. Yours too Dad. There’s nothing here for you but me” he grinned “and I’m not even gonna stay that long”
“Oh is that right?” Eddie smiled wide, a light feeling in his chest like something had finally lifted.
“Yeah. And besides, you’d really do that to the 118? To Buck? After everything you two have been through?”
Eddie frowned, his skin suddenly felt too tight. “What do you mean?”
“You’d really up and move and leave Buck behind? I don’t think he’d handle that well Dad. You guys don’t function apart” he laughed, a smirk on his face.
Eddie felt his gut twist, something unspoken and hidden peaked its dusty head up from a dark recess in his mind. He was blushing for gods sake and had to lean away from the camera as Chris laughed at him. He shook his head.
“Buck was supportive of my decision, of every decision I make over you”
“Well of course he was. It’s you. And it’s him” Chris rolled his eyes “how have you two not figured it out yet”
“Figured out…what?”
“Dad, Buck told me you’ve been trying to experience more joy. Please just let yourself have this. Stay in LA, don’t move here. And don’t make me come home prematurely and give you two the push you need” he rolled his eyes “Christ, I’m 14 and I’m more mature than the two of you combined”
Someone shouted for Chris from over his shoulder and he turned his head. “I gotta go but…I do appreciate the thought Dad. Let’s maybe try and be more open and honest with each other instead okay? I love you, speak soon”
Eddie smiled and nodded. “I love you too, bud”
The call ended and Eddie placed the iPad on the table and stared at the wall. Mulling over everything Chris had said, semi stunned.
He thought of Chris, hair longer and curler from the humidity and with a not as good Texas Barber not knowing how to cut Chris’ hair like Tina did here in LA. Beaming at him from the arrivals gate, with Tia Pepa pushing the trolley for him as he flung himself into Eddie’s arms. Beside him Buck crying as Eddie told Chris how much he loved him into his hair, looking tearfully at Buck who put a secure arm around his back.
And oh. Buck was there too.
Buck was always there.
Bright eyes, newly styled curly hair that was doing wonders for him, full teethed smile and that damned birth mark. Oh.
Oh.
Eddie had almost made a bad decision again, hadn’t he?
As Eddie began to sink back into the couch, various moments from him and Buck’s greatest hits from their so called platonic friendship washing over him like that goddamn tsunami, there was a frantic knock at the door.
Huh. De ja vu.
What was it Hen was saying about-
Frantic knocking again.
“Alright, I’m coming!” Eddie yelled, padding over to the door and looking out of the peep hole. When he saw it was Buck he opened the door straight away and stumbled back as Buck immediately stepped forward
“Don’t you have a key? Why do you keep knocking?” Eddie said as Buck dashed across the threshold into Eddie’s living room.
Buck seemed to be looking around for something, his head turning back and forth as he panted and then turned back to Eddie. His hair was wild like he’s been pulling at it, clothes mismatched like he’d thrown them on in a hurry.
Then frantic with wide eyes and a frazzled expression he said: “don’t move to Texas”
Eddie stared at him.
“Buck-“
“Let me say what I need to say first at least. Please Eddie” he implored, eyes searching Eddie’s face as if absorbing every detail of it before Eddie went away without him and oh how had Eddie been so stupid?
Eddie took a step forward “Buck” he attempted again but Buck held out a hand to stop him. Eddie held himself back.
“Please Eddie”
“Alright, but-“
Buck glared at him and Eddie’s mouth clamped shut.
“I don’t think you should move to Texas because you have a life here” he started. “Listen, I love Chris. I love him so much it hurts me to think about it too much. I want you to do everything in your power to make him happy Eddie, really I do, but I don’t think this is the way to do it. Not only because I don’t think Chris wants you to move to El Paso, but because you don’t have a life there you have a life here”
He paused, swallowed heavily and said: “you have a life here with your family and you have a life here with…me”
Buck’s eyes began to fill with tears and Eddie inhaled sharply. His hand clenched with the need to get closer and wipe them away, boundaries be damned.
“Why did you ask Tommy to move in with you?” He asked instead.
“What?” Buck said, bewildered. His bottom lip trembled and his eyes widened at the mention of Tommy and the change of subject.
“Hen said you asked him to move in with you, why?” He shook his head. “I didn’t think you two were that serious? Hell, you didn’t even tell me?”
“I cling to people Eddie” he said, shaking his head. “Look at me here right now. I can’t handle it when people try and leave I…” he frowned and blinked up at the ceiling to clear his eyes, then he looked back at Eddie. His eyes searching as he said: “He was right though”
“Oh?”
“He broke up with me because he said he was my first but not my…last” Buck glanced up at him from under his lashes, eyes so blue and still watery despite Buck’s best efforts. He licked his dry bottom lip and Eddie felt the need to grab onto something.
Eddie swallowed heavily, processing this.
“Oh” he said.
“Yeah. Oh”
Eddie looked at him. Really looked at him. Open and honest and bearing his heart and soul to him in the very living room and beside the very couch and in the very house that Buck and Eddie had made so many memories. Movie nights with Chris, comforting each other after a bad shift, eating take out and god even napping together on opposite ends of the couch. How could Eddie leave this without it even carried out properly?
“Permission to come closer now?”
Buck huffed a weak wet laugh. “Granted”
Eddie moved closer until they were toe to toe, reaching up to cup Buck’s face. Buck gasped and let his eyes flutter shut, his hand cupping Eddie’s elbow. His breath fanned across the bridge of Eddie’s nose as he exhaled heavily and Eddie bit his lip.
“I’m not moving to El Paso” Eddie said firmly.
“No?” He questioned, hope in his voice as he opened his eyes, his other hand shakily coming up to press over Eddie’s on his cheek.
“You were right”
“About?”
“Everything. You’re my first, last and everything. Chris is going to come home and we’re going to be a family Buck. I hope you agree when I say…I think we might just have something that I don’t want to leave behind here”
Buck nodded with a sniff.
“I’m not wholly sure what that means for me in myself yet. I only just told a priest I was straight and…I’m starting to think that’s not true” they both huffed a laugh. “But let’s start here. Please can I kiss you?”
“Oh god, please”
Eddie crushed his lips to Buck’s and heard himself let out a sob, soothed by Buck moving hus hand to cup the back of Eddie’s head and rub circles into the top of his neck.
“Next time I’m not going to support you making bad decisions just because it’s you making them” Buck whispered when they separated.
Eddie huffed a laugh. “Duly noted” and then: “wait a sec. What did Hen say to you last shift?”
“That if I didn’t get my act together and say my peace that she would personally drive me to El Paso to confess my love to you dramatically on your new doorstep” he laughed “but she said Chim would ride shotgun and get to pick the fucking music”
Eddie laughed and moved his other hand to soothe along Buck’s collarbone. “And what did Chim say?”
“Similar really. He cornered me when he found out bout your really bright idea”
Eddie kissed him again, hard. Leaving Buck breathless as he teased: “I’m full of bright ideas”
“Uh huh” Buck agreed, thoughts momentarily blurred.
“Wait a sec…did you say confess your love?” Eddie teased, a grin creeping up his cheeks.
Buck flushed almost the same colour as his birth mark and rolled his eyes. “Shut up Eddie”
“Make me”
And Buck did.