Work Text:
“Kenma, do you have a crush on anyone?” Kuroo asked.
The question caught Kenma off guard, he and Kuroo never talked about this stuff. They were still in Junior High, Kenma a second year and Kuroo a third year, too young to be caring about romance. Well, there were plenty of kids in Kenma’s class who talked about crushes all the time and pushed their friends to talk to the people they liked, but Kenma thought they were exaggerating. He didn’t get why they were so keen to copy the romances in movies, no one really felt like that in real life, at least not until they were adults or maybe older teenagers.
“No.” Kenma answered honestly. Kuroo looked at him for a few seconds before nodding and turning back to watch the volleyball game on the tv.
That was weird. Kenma had assumed Kuroo wasn’t interested in crushes just like him, but Kuroo was a year older so maybe he was starting to. He probably just asked to see if Kenma wanted to talk about crushes, which he didn’t, so that was that.
Kenma didn’t see any point in asking the question back.
***
It was a year later now, Kuroo and Kenma were going to different schools so they didn’t see each other as often as before, but Kuroo usually still stopped by at Kenma’s house for a bit after school. When Kuroo came into Kenma’s room today, he opened with an announcement.
“Kenma, I have some news.”
“What is it?”
“I have a girlfriend!” Kuroo said, smiling.
“Oh.” That was a bit of a shock. Kenma never imagined Kuroo would get a girlfriend. “Why?” he asked.
“Why?” That was clearly not the response Kuroo was expecting. “Uh, because she confessed to me and I thought she was pretty so I agreed to go out with her.”
“Oh.” Kenma didn’t know what to say.
“You don’t seem very happy for me.” Was that how Kenma was supposed to feel? “Are you jealous?”
“Why would I be jealous?”
“Because I have a girlfriend and you don’t?”
“I don’t care if you have a girlfriend.” That wasn’t quite true, Kenma did feel weird about his best friend having a girlfriend. He would rather he didn’t have one, but not because he was jealous or anything. He just thought they were on the same page about not being interested in girls.
“Come on Kenma, you can be honest with me.” Kuroo had a teasing smirk on his face as he sat down next to Kenma on the bed. “Don’t you have a crush on anyone?”
“No.” Kenma frowned.
“Are you sure? You can tell me if you do.”
“I don’t want to talk about this.” Kenma snapped. He opened his PSP and pointedly looked away from Kuroo. “Congrats on your girlfriend” he mumbled.
***
“Kenma.”
“Hmm?” Kenma looked up briefly from his game.
“Do you have a crush on anyone?”
It had been a while since Kuroo had asked him this question. Not much had changed, Kenma was a first year at Nekoma now, Kuroo had had a girlfriend for about a month last year. Kenma was relieved when they broke up, he knew that wasn’t what he was supposed to feel, but it had been so awkward between them while they were together.
“No.” Even though it had only happened a few times, Kenma still hated being asked this question. His answer never changed, although everyone seemed to expect it to.
“Have you ever had a crush on someone?”
“Umm…” Kenma considered it. He had assumed it would happen one day, that he would know it when he felt it just like everyone said. But he still didn’t understand why people wanted to date each other. “I don’t think so.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Is that weird?”
Kuroo didn’t look judgemental, just curious. “Well, all my other friends seem to have crushes.”
“Oh.” Kenma looked down at his game, his character had died while they were talking. He turned it off. Did everyone else his age really have lots of crushes? Was he the weird one here?
“Do you have a crush?” Kenma asked.
“Yeah.”
“Who?”
“I’m not telling you.” Kuroo looked down awkwardly, trying to hide a smile.
“Ok.” Was this Kuroo’s way of trying to tell him he had another girlfriend? The thought annoyed Kenma, he should just say it instead of making him push for it.
“Have you confessed to this person?” Kenma asked, hoping that was the right thing to say in this situation.
“No.”
“Why not?”
Kuroo sighed. “I’m pretty sure they don’t like me back.”
“How do you know if you haven’t asked?” Kenma wondered if there was some secret code he didn’t know about.
“I asked if they have a crush on anyone and they said no.”
“Oh.” Kenma couldn’t fault that logic, after all, Kuroo had just asked him that. He watched his best friend closely, wondering why they were having this conversation to start with. Was that a hint of worry in Kuroo’s eyes? “Wait, it’s not me, is it?”
Kuroo’s face turned red instantly and he looked away from his friend. “Maybe…” he awkwardly ran a hand through his messy hair, “Yes.”
Woah. No way. Kenma was struggling to put two thoughts together. “I never considered that as an option.”
“Because we’re both guys?” Kuroo looked nervously back at Kenma.
Maybe that was part of it, Kenma didn’t know that Kuroo liked boys. He hadn’t even really thought about if he could be gay himself. He didn’t think he liked boys, but he didn’t think he liked girls either. The only person he particularly cared about was Kuroo. But that was just because they had known each other for so long and spent so much time together.
“Because you’re my best friend.” That’s why Kuroo was special to him, why Kenma didn’t want Kuroo to have a girlfriend. These were best friend feelings.
“Yeah, it’s probably weird that your friend has a crush on you, right? You probably think it’s gross.”
“No, it’s fine.” Kenma responded without hesitation. He didn’t want Kuroo to think that. “It’s fine if it’s you.”
“Oh. Good.” Kuroo relaxed a little. “I’m glad that you don’t hate me.” He let out an awkward laugh.
“I would never hate you.” Kenma tried to look reassuring, but he didn’t know if it came across right. Kuroo looked at him, gave a faint smile.
“But you don’t like me back, do you?”
Of course Kenma liked Kuroo. He was his best friend, the person who knew him the best in the world and the person he was most comfortable with. Kenma knew that wasn’t what he was asking, he was asking about the kind of like from the movies, but Kenma didn’t know how that translated to a real life feeling. He didn’t think he had ever felt that, and wasn’t he supposed to ‘just know’ if he had? He wished Kuroo could read his mind and tell him what he was feeling, he was always so much better at that than he was.
“I don’t know.” That was the only answer he could give right now.
***
A few days had passed and Kuroo and Kenma were walking home together in silence. It wasn't that unusual, Kenma didn't mind a peaceful silence with Kuroo. But it had been a bit awkward between them since that conversation. Kuroo had been distant. He hadn’t spent lunch with him alone or stayed at Kenma’s house after school like usual. Kenma didn’t like it. He wanted things to go back to normal. He wondered if they could go back to normal or if Kuroo would be awkward about it forever.
The other option was for things to change. Kenma had been thinking about what it would be like to date Kuroo, if he could like him ‘like that’, whatever that meant. Dating would mean they would do things like holding hands and kissing, right? It didn't seem so bad at least in his head. If Kuroo wanted to, Kenma would.
The two of them stopped when they arrived at Kenma’s house and hesitated. Kenma took a step forward and looked back at Kuroo. He looked conflicted.
“Come on,” Kenma said and continued up to the house. Kuroo followed. They went to his room and Kenma sat on his bed, but Kuroo stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. Geez, is Kenma really going to have to do everything here? He gestured to the space next to him and stared at Kuroo until he eventually sat down as close to the edge as possible.
“So…” Kuroo drummed his fingers on his knees. “What’s up?”
Kenma rolled his eyes. “Seriously, that’s what you’re going with?”
“I don’t know! I don’t know how to act around you anymore. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“Just be normal! The only thing making me uncomfortable is how awkward you’re being.”
“You sure?”
“Yes it’s fine, honestly.”
“Ok.” Kuroo sat back into a more comfortable position and glanced between Kenma and his fidgeting hands.
“Do you wanna play mario kart?” Kenma suggested, trying to think of something to break the tension.
Kuroo nodded and Kenma moved to turn on the tv and start up the game. They played a few rounds; Kenma won the tournament but Kuroo managed to get first in one race. By the end Kuroo was smiling and things were starting to feel normal between them again.
Kenma considered not bringing up their conversation from the other day, just pretending everything was fine for a bit longer, but he knew he would have to eventually.
“You know… you never actually asked me out.”
“Oh,” Kuroo’s eyes widened. “I assumed you didn’t want me to because you didn’t like me.”
“I like you.”
“But not romantically?” Kuroo asked, a pained look in his eyes like he already knew the answer. Kenma wasn’t so sure.
“Honestly, I don’t really know the difference.” Kenma said.
Kuroo looked at him curiously. “You don’t know what romantic feelings are like? I guess if you’ve never had a crush before…”
“How do you know you have a crush on me?” Kenma asked, genuinely curious.
“Uhh,” Kuroo looked like his brain was short circuiting. “I don’t know, I just do. It’s just a feeling.”
“Describe it to me.”
“I’ve never had to explain it before.” Kuroo took a moment to think it over before he continued. “It’s like, I want to be closer to you. As close as possible. Both physically and emotionally.” He looked at Kenma to check if he should continue. Kenma gave a small nod.
"I'm always thinking about hugging you or touching your hands or hair or kissing you. Sorry, this is really embarrassing to say out loud." Kuroo ran a hand through his hair and avoided looking at Kenma.
"It's ok." Kenma gently encouraged. He was also embarrassed but he wanted to hear more.
"Also, we've been friends for so long, you know? You've always been there for me and I really care about you. I want to be the most important person to you, like you are to me. Whenever I imagine my future you're always there by my side." Kuroo took a deep breath and looked up at Kenma. "I think that's it. Does that make sense?"
Kenma nodded, still processing it all.
"I get the emotional part," Kenma started. "You mean a lot to me too. You're the only person I feel like I can truly be myself around. I always assumed we would be a big part in each other's lives forever." Kuroo smiled at him.
"I don't know so much about the physical part," Kenma continued. "I don't have the desire to do those things, but I don't hate the idea of it."
"You don’t hate it? That just sounds like you don’t want to do it.” Kuroo said, furrowing his brow.
“I would do it if you wanted to.”
“Still sounding like you don’t want to.”
Kenma sighed. “Really, I don’t mind trying it. It’s fine if it’s you.”
“So, you would kiss me but not anyone else?” Kuroo questioned.
“Yeah.”
“Ok… that’s kind of cute actually.” Kuroo took a moment to think, then looked back at Kenma. “So, do you want me to ask you out?”
Kenma paused, then nodded.
“Do you want to be my boyfriend?” Kuroo asked, still looking nervous.
“Hmm, nah.” Kenma joked.
“Kenma! Stop messing with me!” Kuroo gently shoved him.
“Fine, fine.” Kenma smiled. “I’ll be your boyfriend.”
Kuroo grinned and looked at Kenma for a moment before asking, “Can I hug you?”
“Ok.” Kenma replied. He moved closer to Kuroo who wrapped his arms around him tightly. Kenma settled into the hug, resting his head against Kuroo’s chest. It was nice, it felt warm and safe. It felt like Kuroo.
***
As Kenma was trying not to fall asleep over his breakfast the next morning, he thought about the events of the previous afternoon. If someone had told Kenma a mere 24 hours ago that he would have a boyfriend tomorrow, he would have thought they were crazy. If they had asked him to guess who it was, he would have said Kuroo.
Kenma heard the sound of the front door open and close as Kuroo let himself in. He always came over early to make sure Kenma was awake in time for morning practice.
“Morning Kenma!” Kuroo said as he came into the living room and sat down next to Kenma at the table. “How are you this fine morning?”
“Tired.”
“Nothing else?” Kuroo leant his elbow on the table and grinned at Kenma. He looked way too happy for this early in the morning.
Kenma shrugged. “Ask me later when I’ve woken up.”
“Ok,” Kuroo laughed and patted Kenma on the head, his touch lingering. He quickly removed his hand when Kenma’s mum walked past.
“Good morning Tetsurou-kun,” she said.
“Good morning,” Kuroo smiled politely.
“I’m off to work now, have a good day boys!” Kenma’s mum waved as she headed out the door.
“Bye mum,” Kenma said sleepily. He got up to put his dishes away in the kitchen and finished getting ready for school while Kuroo waited for him.
Once he was ready, they left the house and walked to the train station. They never talked much on the way to school because Kenma was usually tired and grumpy, but Kuroo didn’t seem to mind. Still sleepy on the train, Kenma wondered if it would be ok to lean on Kuroo, close his eyes just for a little bit. He tried it, Kuroo looked unsure of what to do, but Kenma was comfortable. He must have fallen asleep, because Kuroo had to wake him up before their stop.
When they arrived at the club room, there were a few others already there getting changed.
“Good morning everyone!” Kuroo said cheerfully, Kenma trailing behind him.
“Morning,” Yaku replied along with a couple others. “What’s got you in such a good mood?”
“Oh, nothing in particular.” Kuroo grinned as he glanced at Kenma.
Yaku raised an eyebrow. “Did you finally sort out whatever was going on between you two?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Right… Kenma, anything to add?” Yaku pressed.
“Nope.” He glanced at Kuroo who had just taken his shirt off. Kenma quickly looked away, hoping his face wasn’t turning red.
“Ok… maybe not fully sorted but I hope this is an improvement,” Yaku said. “You two have been useless in practice the last few days.”
“I bet Kuroo’s in a good mood because he got a girlfriend.” Tora chimed in.
“No, no, no, it’s not that.” Kuroo insisted.
“What is it then?” Tora asked.
“Look, it’s none of your business ok?”
“Ok, whatever man.” Tora raised his hands in surrender.
Kenma had hoped to avoid prying questions from their teammates for a while longer, he hated the attention. How did they even notice something was up? If Kenma were in their position, he would have no clue. He would have to try to act as normal as possible during practice. He got changed quickly, trying not to notice Kuroo staring.
The next time they saw each other after practice was at lunch. Kuroo came to Kenma's classroom to pick him up. Kenma had never paid much attention before, but there was a group of girls who whispered to each other and stared at Kuroo as he walked by. Maybe a lot of girls thought he was attractive.
"Hey. Do you wanna sit outside?" Kuroo asked.
"Ok." Kenma replied and grabbed his bag. They found a quiet area under a tree to sit, not completely private but enough to be out of earshot of anyone else around.
"Practice this morning was interesting huh?" Kuroo said. "I hate to think how much they'll tease us when we tell them we're dating."
"Yeah."
"Not that we have to tell them any time soon, or ever if you don't want to." Kuroo hurried to add.
"We can tell them eventually, but I'm not even used to the idea yet."
"Yeah, we still need to figure things out." Kuroo smiled at Kenma, but then he leaned against the tree and sighed in frustration. "Being at school is so annoying when I just want to… hug you and stuff!" He gestured vaguely with his restless hands. "I've liked you for so long, but now that we're dating I feel like I can't wait anymore."
Kenma didn't really understand what the rush was, this was all new to him.
"How long have you liked me?" Kenma asked.
Kuroo thought about it for a second, "I don't know, a long time. Years. It's hard to know when exactly it started."
"Years?" Kenma found it hard to believe. "I had no idea."
"Good to know I wasn't too obvious" Kuroo laughed awkwardly.
"Was it… difficult for you?" That's what people said in stories, that unrequited love was painful.
"Not really, I was just happy spending all my time with you. I thought about telling you a few times, but I didn't want to lose my best friend if you didn't like me back."
"Well, it turned out ok when you did tell me."
"True." Kuroo smiled.
"Did you still like me when you had a girlfriend last year?"
"Oh. Yeah. That was me trying to get over you. It didn't work."
"Did you like her?"
"Kind of. She was nice, my heart just wasn't in it."
"I didn't like her."
"You only met her once."
Kenma thought about it, he didn't know the girl, why did he instinctively dislike her? "I guess that's not fair to her, I just didn't like that she took up all your attention."
"So you were jealous after all?"
"No." Kenma quickly denied it, but if it wasn't jealously, he didn't know what else it could be. "I don't know. Maybe, I guess."
"You're cute." Kuroo grinned at him.
"Shut up."
The rest of the day went as normal; classes, afternoon practice, walking home together. As they were walking down the street they both lived on, Kuroo looked around to check if there were any people around who could see them. Deeming it safe, he brushed his hand against Kenma's. He jumped and looked up at Kuroo, but he didn't move away.
"Sorry. Um, is this ok?" Kuroo asked shyly, nudging his hand again.
Kenma glanced around the street, then nodded. Kuroo adjusted so he was holding Kenma's hand properly. Kuroo's hand was a bit sweaty, but he looked happy. Kenma wondered how long he had been thinking about doing that. It was strange to Kenma how much Kuroo seemed to be affected by these little things. Maybe this was just how people were when they liked someone. Kuroo liked him. It was still hard to believe, but Kenma was starting to think he liked that Kuroo liked him.
They continued holding hands for a few minutes until they were nearly at Kenma's house, breaking apart so none of their parents would see. They went inside and straight to Kenma's room, then they were alone together. There was a pause while they both thought about what to do next.
"Can I hug you?" Kuroo finally asked.
"Yeah."
Kuroo wrapped his arms around him, and so did Kenma. It was nice, like their hug yesterday, but this time they were standing. Kenma felt small in his boyfriend's arms. They stayed like this for a while, sometimes gently swaying back and forth. Kenma decided he liked hugs.
When they finally let go, Kuroo sat down on the bed, followed shortly by Kenma. He wasn’t sure now what Kuroo would do, which was a weird feeling for Kenma. They always had such a comfortable understanding of each other, spending so much time with just the two of them, but it was different now.
“Wanna play mario kart?” Kuroo asked.
Kenma chuckled. “Yeah.” They were still best friends after all.
They played together for a little bit, Kuroo was losing terribly though. Maybe he was letting Kenma win, or maybe he was distracted. In the last game he came dead last, even behind all the bots.
“Ugh, I give up!” He dropped his controller and flopped back on the bed.
“How many years have we been playing this game and you still suck?” Kenma teased.
“Shut up.”
Kenma lied down next to Kuroo and watched him take a deep breath. Kuroo turned on his side, propping himself up on his elbow to look at Kenma.
“What?” Kenma asked when Kuroo didn’t say anything for a few seconds.
“Can I kiss you?”
Kenma blinked. “Umm.”
“It’s ok, we don’t have to!” Kuroo sat up, face bright red. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked, it’s probably too soon for you, and maybe you don’t even want to do anything of these things.”
Kenma sat up as well. “Kuroo, it’s ok, you don’t need to freak out.” He didn’t look convinced. “I’ve just never kissed anyone before, obviously, and I don’t know if I’ll like it.”
“Right, yeah. That’s totally fine.”
Kissing seemed weird. It was definitely something only people who were romantically interested in each other did, something Kenma had no experience with. He didn’t know what the hype was about, maybe it was something you had to try to really understand. Kenma was sure it would be fine, it was just Kuroo after all.
“But I’m kind of curious to try it. I think… it would be ok if it’s you.”
“So… you do want to kiss me?” Kuroo asked for clarification.
“Yeah… I think so.”
“Ok.” Kuroo hesitated before putting a hand on the side of Kenma’s head and leaning closer. Their lips touched, it felt warm, and wet. Kuroo’s face had never been this close to Kenma’s before. He could feel his breath on his skin. He could smell his shampoo. He could hear Kuroo’s heart beating faster, or was that his own? It probably only lasted for a few seconds, but it felt like minutes before they broke apart.
“How was that?” Kuroo asked nervously.
“Honest answer? It was kind of weird, but nice, I think. I would kiss you again.”
“Ok, I’ll take it. Maybe we need to practice more.” Kuroo looked flustered, “Not now, of course, just like, another time.”
Kenma nodded, face red as well. There was an awkward pause before Kuroo spoke up again.
“I actually have quite a lot of homework… do you mind if I do that?”
“Oh yeah, go ahead.”
Kuroo grabbed a couple of books and a pen from his bag and sat back next to Kenma on the bed. Kenma had some homework as well, but he couldn’t be bothered doing it now, so he just got out his PSP instead. He leaned into Kuroo’s side, making himself comfortable. Kuroo smiled and gently patted his boyfriend’s head.
***
It had been a few weeks since they had started dating now, and Kuroo and Kenma had decided to start telling people. Kenma figured he should tell his parents first, and now was probably a good time. It was a Saturday, both his parents were home and Kuroo was coming over later. Kenma was a bit nervous to tell his parents, it would probably be a shock and he didn’t know how they would react. He had texted Kuroo that he was about to tell them and got a ‘good luck!’ and lots of hearts in response. That gave him a bit of confidence.
He left the safety of his room to find his mum in the living room and his dad getting a snack from the kitchen.
“Mum, Dad, can I talk to you about something?” Kenma started nervously.
“Of course honey, come sit down,” his mum said.
“Is something wrong?” his dad asked as he joined them.
“No,” Kenma started, “I just wanted to tell you that I’m dating someone.”
“Oh honey that’s fine with us! I’m glad you’re happy.” Kenma’s mum smiled.
“Who’s the lucky girl?” his dad teased.
“Well, actually… it’s a boy.” Kenma’s parents looked to each other in surprise.
It was quiet for a moment, and Kenma started to panic. “Are you mad?”
“No, no, not mad, just surprised.” Kenma’s dad said, looking between his wife and his son.
“We love you Kenma, no matter who you love.”
Love. It was a strong word, one that Kenma didn’t know if he could claim yet, but…
“It’s Kuroo. My boyfriend.”
“Ah. Of course.” Kenma’s mum said.
“What? You’re not surprised?”
“Well, I didn’t know of course, but you two are inseparable. You’re closer than any friendships I’ve experienced, apart from your father. I know you’ve struggled with making friends, but Tetsurou-kun was always special to you, wasn’t he?”
“Yeah.” Kenma hadn’t given it much thought, but it was true. If it was enough for his parents to notice, Kenma wondered if his friendship with Kuroo was really that different to normal childhood friends. Did other people not feel this way about their best friend?
“Um, I’m gonna go back to my room now.” Kenma stood up, and so did his mum.
“Do you want a hug?”
“Ok.” He hugged his mum briefly, but he found himself wanting the comforting warmth of someone else instead.
“Is it still ok if Kuroo comes over later?”
“Yes, of course.”
Kenma went back to his room and texted Kuroo, ‘it went well :)’. He flopped onto his bed, not knowing what to do now. He wanted to see Kuroo. He wanted to hug him and kiss him. Kenma hadn’t been that interested in those things to start with, he did them more to make Kuroo happy, but now he felt himself wanting to do them too. Did that mean something? Most people didn’t want to kiss their best friend.
Kenma thought about what his mum had said, it was true that he struggled to make friends. He didn’t like many people, and it took a lot of effort to get him to open up so most people didn’t bother, except for Kuroo. Kuroo was far better with people than he was, but even though Kuroo could be friends with anyone, he chose Kenma. They would always choose each other.
Maybe these weren’t just best friend feelings. Maybe Kenma had been in love with Kuroo for a long time.
His phone buzzed with a text from Kuroo: ‘that’s great :D I’ll come over now!’
Kenma waited for a few minutes, listening out until he heard the door open and close. He could hear voices in the living room, he wished they would hurry up. Finally, he heard footsteps coming towards his room. His heart was beating faster.
Kuroo opened the door with a big smile. He opened his arms and Kenma joined the hug. Kuroo lifted him off the ground and Kenma wrapped his legs around his boyfriend, getting into a comfortable position.
“Kuroo, can I tell you a secret?” Kenma asked, leaning back so they could see each other.
“Of course.”
“I think I have a crush on you.”
Kuroo smiled and gave Kenma a kiss.
“I love you too.”