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From the very first moment Akaashi Keiji saw Bokuto Koutarou, he knew he was fucked. He watched Fukurodani’s match from the crowd above, the atmosphere was electric. He watched Bokuto expertly control the ball, score point after point. He knew he was witnessing a star being born. If love at first sight did exist, this would come pretty close. The only problem was, he was a boy, and so was Bokuto. And Akaashi couldn’t be gay.
Akaashi shoved the thoughts down, he couldn’t deal with that now. His mother would have a fit if she found out. Akaashi wasn’t gay, but he would keep thinking of Bokuto at that game for the next few months. He wanted to go to Fukurodani, he needed to be closer to that blinding light that was Bokuto. Maybe, if he was good enough, he could help Bokuto along his path.
He managed to convince his mother to let him enrol in Fukurodani, focusing on the academic opportunities more than the volleyball. She wasn’t against Akaashi playing volleyball though, it kept him busy, and he was sure to never let his grades fall behind.
As spring approached, Akaashi felt a hope in the air, new opportunities blooming. On the first day club applications opened, Akaashi submitted his for the volleyball club. Try outs wouldn’t be easy, the Fukurodani team was large and talented, but they were short on setters. With any hope, it wouldn’t be long before he could be on the court with Bokuto.
When the day of try outs finally came, Akaashi showed up early along with a couple others. The captain greeted them and asked them to wait in the gym until everyone had arrived. Akaashi stood and watched the door, twisting his fingers in his hands nervously.
A few more people came into the gym before, finally, he saw Bokuto. His smile was bright, his energy high and infectious. If Akaashi was gay, he would have noticed his strong arms, his broad shoulders, his sturdy thighs. Seeing him up close was something else.
The captain called them all to attention, and the new first years lined up in front of the team. They went down the line, introducing themselves and their positions. Akaashi was the only setter, and there was a cheer from Bokuto when he said it. Their eyes met for the first time.
The rest of the team started their usual practice, and the captain ran the new first years through some simple warm-ups and drills. Once they had a sense of everyone’s skill level, they were split up into groups based on what positions they played.
“Since you’re the only new setter, Akaashi, I’ll just have you do some sets for Bokuto,” the captain said.
Akaashi’s breath caught in his throat. “Ok, no problem.”
“I’ll just warn you now, he can be a bit… unpredictable. He’s a great player though, he’s our ace, so it would be great if you could work well together.”
“I’ll do my best,” Akaashi said.
“Bokuto!” the captain called him over with a wave. “Come do some spikes with our new setter, get him warmed up.”
“Sure!” Bokuto said with a grin.
“Good luck,” the captain said to Akaashi, and went over to join the other new first years.
“So, you’re the new setter! Nice to meet you, I’m Bokuto.”
“I know, I remember you. I’m Akaashi.”
“I know, I remember you too.”
They stayed looking at each other for an extra beat.
“Come on, we can practice over here,” Bokuto said, grabbing Akaashi’s wrist and pulling him towards one of the nets. If Akaashi was gay, his heart would have skipped a beat at the touch.
Bokuto grabbed a ball from the cart. “Ready?” he asked. Akaashi nodded.
Bokuto threw the ball up towards him, and Akaashi set the ball. With a running start, Bokuto approached the net, jumped, and spiked the ball over the net.
“Not bad!” Bokuto said, picking up another ball to go again.
This time, Akaashi set the ball a bit higher and a bit closer to the net. Judging from how he had approached the last one, Akaashi thought this might be closer to what Bokuto wanted. Bokuto ran, jumped, and hit the ball harder and cleaner than the time before.
“Woah, that was perfect!” Bokuto smiled brightly at him, “Nice toss, Akaashi!”
If Akaashi was gay, he would have blushed under his gaze.
“Give me the same again.”
Bokuto backed up and threw another ball. Akaashi set the ball, aiming right for the same spot as last time. Bokuto hit another hard, clean shot right over the net.
“Yes!” Bokuto exclaimed, “That was awesome!”
He ran over to Akaashi to give him a high-five. “I like you, Akaashi. Will you be my setter?” Bokuto asked with bright eyes and an even brighter smile.
“Uh, sure,” Akaashi said, flustered.
Fuck, Akaashi was gay.
***
Bokuto Koutarou had a habit of falling for his best friends. It usually didn’t end up well. He would get too intense and freak them out or finally work up the courage to ask them out only for them to tell him they were straight and couldn’t return his feelings.
He had even had a little crush on his best friend Kuroo last year, but he was already in love with his childhood friend Kenma, so that was a bust too.
Despite Bokuto’s outgoing personality, he didn’t have many close friends. Most people thought he was fun to hang out with, but they didn’t want to deal with his mood swings or get any deeper than casual friends. So when he found someone he really clicked with, someone who stuck around longer, he clung to them as tight as he could. That’s when the butterflies would start.
Bokuto could feel it starting to happen again, but this time he was going to be careful to not scare him away.
Akaashi would always stay with him for extra practice after school. Sometimes he would stay for over an hour with no complaints, only suggesting that rest was important as well as practice. Akaashi didn’t get mad at him when Bokuto had low moods or when he refused to play, he would even try to help him get back into the game.
When they passed each other in the hallways at school, Bokuto would wave at Akaashi. Akaashi would smile and wave back. When they showed up at the cafeteria at the same time for lunch, they would always sit together. More and more, they showed up at the same time.
Akaashi often waited for him to finish getting changed after practice so they could walk home together, even though they only went a few streets together before they had to split up. Recently, Akaashi had started waiting at that same corner in the mornings so they could walk the rest of the way together.
Bokuto liked spending time with him, and Akaashi made it easy. He wasn’t backing away as they got to know each other, he might even want to be closer as much as Bokuto did.
Akaashi was smart, and considerate, and funny, and pretty. Bokuto liked him very much. Maybe, this time, his best friend would like him back.
***
Akaashi liked when Bokuto would call his name. On the court, when they met up for lunch, when they first saw each other in the morning and when they last saw each other in the afternoon. His name sounded good in Bokuto’s voice, even if he didn’t always pronounce it perfectly. Akaashi thought it was cute.
Bokuto was like a puzzle and Akaashi was slowly putting the pieces together. He wanted to figure him out, study the shape of each piece, watch the picture finally come together. He knew what kind of tosses Bokuto liked and when to use them. He knew Bokuto had some weaknesses on the court and off. He was trying to figure out how to deal with each of them.
One day during a practice match, Bokuto had been set off by a few little things and was struggling to recover. Akaashi hadn’t quite learned how to offset these things yet so he couldn’t prevent Bokuto from going ‘full emo-mode’ as the rest of the team called it.
“I don’t want to play anymore,” Bokuto sulked. “I’m useless. You’re better off without me.”
“Bokuto-san, that’s not true. We need you,” Akaashi tried to reassure him.
It seemed like it was too late, Bokuto was already walking away. He went into a storage room and slammed the door shut.
The rest of the team was just standing around waiting. “Shouldn’t someone go after him?” Akaashi asked.
“Don’t bother. He’ll come back eventually,” one of the third years said.
“Let’s just take a break everyone,” the captain said, “If Bokuto isn’t back soon we’ll just have to play without him.”
Akaashi was surprised that no one seemed to care about Bokuto being upset. Had they really just ignored his bad moods for the past year? If no one else was willing to try, Akaashi would.
He went over to the storage room and opened the door slowly.
“Bokuto-san?”
No reply. It took Akaashi a moment to find him, he was curled up under one of the desks pushed against the wall. Akaashi approached and sat down in front of Bokuto.
“Bokuto-san, are you ok?” he tried again.
“Akaashi…” Bokuto looked at him, but didn’t say anything else.
Akaashi hesitated, then put his hand on Bokuto’s arm.
“We really need you back out there. You’re our star player, we can’t win without you.”
Bokuto looked at Akaashi’s hand on his arm, then back at Akaashi.
“I just can’t get my straights right, they keep getting blocked. And I missed a few receives too, I’m just feeling so off today.”
Ok, Akaashi could work with this.
“In that case, why don’t you focus on your cross shots? I’ll set up some good ones for you. Once you hit a few of those, I’m sure you’ll get your confidence back up and you’ll be hitting straights again in no time. And don’t worry about receives, someone else will pick them up for you.”
Bokuto considered it. He put his hand on top of Akaashi’s.
“Are you sure I can do it?” he asked.
“I know you can,” Akaashi said.
He stood up and put his hands out to help Bokuto up. He shuffled out from under the desk and accepted Akaashi’s help. Akaashi let go and turned to leave, but Bokuto called him back.
“Akaashi.”
He turned around, and before he could react, Bokuto hugged him.
“Thank you,” Bokuto said.
Akaashi was glad Bokuto couldn’t see his blushing face. He wrapped his arms around Bokuto too.
***
The first training camp of the year had finally arrived, and Bokuto was excited. He hadn’t seen Kuroo in a while and he was looking forward to introducing him to Akaashi and playing against Nekoma with his new setter. He was also happy to get to spend a lot of time with Akaashi for the next week.
When their bus arrived at Nekoma, Bokuto dragged Akaashi off the bus and found the other teams waiting for them. He waved excited when he spotted Kuroo and Kenma and hurried over to meet them.
“Kuroo!!” he yelled.
“Bokuto!”
The two friends high-fived each other and did a bro hug.
“Ah, Kuroo, this is Akaashi!” Bokuto gestured towards him, “He’s my setter.”
“Nice to meet you,” Akaashi greeted.
“Hey,” Kuroo smiled at Akaashi then turned to Bokuto. “So, he’s your setter, is he?”
“Yeah!” Bokuto grinned. “Oh, and Akaashi, this is Kuroo, and this is Kenma! He’s Kuroo’s boyfriend.”
“Boyfriend…” Akaashi stared with wide eyes.
“Yup,” Kuroo said, putting an arm around Kenma. “We’re childhood friends to lovers. It’s cute. You get it.”
“Right…” Akaashi looked around awkwardly.
“Kenma,” Kuroo said, turning to his boyfriend, “are you my setter?”
“No. I’m Nekoma’s setter,” Kenma said dryly, Kuroo gasped dramatically. “I’m your boyfriend though, isn’t that better?”
“True, I’ll take it.”
Bokuto was getting jumpy, too much excitement building up. “Kuroo, can I talk to you over there for a sec?” he asked.
“Sure.”
They stepped away from the others, Bokuto calling back, “Sorry Akaashi, you can talk to Kenma about setter stuff or something. I’ll be right back!”
Bokuto was eager to hear what Kuroo thought of Akaashi. He had been texting Kuroo constantly about his new friend-turned-crush.
“So that’s your new crush, huh?” Kuroo said once they were out of earshot. “He’s cute!”
“Right?” Bokuto grinned. “Do you think he likes me?”
“I don’t know man, I’ve just met him.”
“I know, but like, first impressions? Do you think we would be good together?”
“Sure bro, you’d be cute together,” Kuroo assured. “Do you know if he’s gay?”
“I don’t know. He hasn’t said anything.”
Kuroo hummed. “Maybe… my gay-dar is definitely picking something up from first impressions. He had a weird reaction when you said me and Kenma were boyfriends. My guess is he’s closeted. Or just homophobic.”
“No, he wouldn’t be homophobic!”
“I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” Kuroo laughed. “Do you want me to see if I can figure it out?”
“Ok…” Bokuto considered. “Just don’t make him uncomfortable.”
“Sure thing bro, I got you.” Kuroo grinned and pointed finger guns at him.
During the free practice time at the end of the day, Bokuto invited Kuroo to join him and Akaashi for spike practice. Having both a setter and a blocker, as well as two friends, was the perfect practice set up. They did a few spikes to get into it, Kuroo managing to block one.
“Damn bro, you hit hard,” Kuroo said, shaking his hand that was hit by the ball.
“Do you realise how strong this guy is?” Kuroo said to Akaashi, pointing at Bokuto.
“Well, yeah,” Akaashi said. “I've seen him spike many times.”
Kuroo walked around the net and put a hand on Bokuto’s shoulder.
“You see these arms? Flex for me bro.”
Bokuto flexed and grinned. Kuroo whistled and gave Bokuto’s bicep a squeeze.
“You can give it a squeeze as well if you want, Akaashi,” Kuroo said teasingly.
“Um, I'm good thanks,” Akaashi said, not taking the bait.
“Are you sure? It looks like you're blushing.”
“I'm not blushing. It’s just hot in here.”
“Uh huh, sure it is,” Kuroo said sarcastically.
“Just go back to your side of the net,” Akaashi shooed him away, laughing slightly.
“Ok, I'm going!”
Once Bokuto was sufficiently tired out, they went to get dinner. Kuroo went ahead to fetch Kenma while Bokuto and Akaashi got their food and found somewhere to sit. Kuroo and Kenma showed up a few minutes later and sat across from them.
Kuroo was being very touchy with Kenma, putting an arm around him, patting his head, kissing his cheek. Bokuto thought they were playing up the PDA more than usual.
“You ok Akaashi? You're staring,” Kuroo said.
“Oh, sorry,” Akaashi looked away awkwardly. He opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. “I've just… never really been around gay people before.”
Kuroo looked confused, “Oh, really? Because um…” he pointed at Bokuto, looking between him and Akaashi.
“Kuroo!” Bokuto said with a warning look.
“What?” Kuroo put his hands up. “Is it a secret?”
“Well, no, but I hadn't told him yet.”
“Why not?”
“I don't know, I was just nervous.” Bokuto glanced at Akaashi.
“Told me what?” Akaashi asked.
“That I'm gay,” Bokuto said quietly.
“Oh,” Akaashi looked down, was that a hint of a smile on his face? “Well, that's fine with me. Not that my opinion really matters.”
“Ok,” Bokuto smiled, “I'm glad.”
“I'm not actually gay by the way,” Kuroo added. “I'm bi. And Kenma’s demisexual and gay, we assume. He's only ever been attracted to me, so, small sample size.”
“Right…” Akaashi nodded.
“Anything to share, Akaashi? You don't have to if you don't want to,” Kuroo prompted.
“Oh, um,” Akaashi looked around awkwardly. “No, nothing to share.”
“Ok, that's fine,” Kuroo said, looking a little disappointed.
Not much luck so far, Akaashi was still guarded. But they hadn’t gotten an outright denial, so Bokuto still had hope.
On the last night of the training camp, Bokuto was feeling great. He had been improving every day with Akaashi as his setter and experimenting with different strategies. He also felt like he had gotten closer with Akaashi as a friend, and he very much liked hanging out with him outside of school. After a bit of an awkward start, Kuroo and Akaashi seemed to be getting along better too.
After dinner, Akaashi pulled Bokuto aside before they went back to their rooms.
“Bokuto-san, can you come outside with me for a minute?” he asked.
Bokuto stopped and turned to face him. “Yeah, sure!”
Akaashi led them outside to the inn’s deck area. It was empty this time of day. He sat down on the steps and looked up at the early evening sky. Bokuto thought he looked beautiful.
“Are you cold?” Bokuto asked, noticing Akaashi was still in a t-shirt and shorts.
“A bit, but I’m fine.”
“Here, take my jacket,” Bokuto said, taking off his jacket and handing it to Akaashi.
“Oh,” Akaashi hesitated, but he took it. “Thank you.”
Bokuto sat down next to him and waited for him to speak.
“I’ve been thinking,” Akaashi said, still looking at the sky, “and there’s something I want to tell you.”
Bokuto held his breath. “What is it?”
Akaashi looked down at his hands, took a deep breath. “I’m gay,” he said, glancing at Bokuto.
“That’s great!” Bokuto smiled reassuringly.
“I’ve never said that out loud before,” Akaashi said, looking down again.
“Well, I’m happy you told me. Thank you for trusting me.”
“You can tell Kuroo-san too, if you want. He seemed curious to know.”
“Oh, yeah. Sorry if he was annoying you.”
“It’s ok.” Akaashi was smiling slightly, he must be fine with it.
“Was that all you wanted to tell me?” Bokuto asked, hoping there might be more to his confession.
Akaashi let out a deep breath. “That’s all. For now, at least.”
“Ok.” Bokuto didn’t mind waiting.
He paused for a moment in case Akaashi wanted to say anything else, then made a move to stand up.
“Let’s go back inside where it’s warm.”
“Yes, that’s a good idea,” Akaashi agreed, standing up as well.
“Akaashi,” Bokuto called. Akaashi looked at him. “Do you want a hug?”
Akaashi paused, thinking, then nodded. Bokuto held him tightly. He didn’t want to let go, ever.
***
Akaashi was freaking out. Now that he was home for the training camp, back to reality, he couldn’t believe he had told Bokuto that he was gay. What was he thinking? Saying it out loud meant it was real, that he couldn’t run away from it anymore.
And Bokuto was gay too. What if he liked him back? What if he didn’t? Akaashi wasn’t sure which one he dreaded the most.
He really, really liked Bokuto. And that hug after he had told him, Akaashi wanted it to last forever. But it couldn’t. It shouldn’t. This wasn’t what his life was supposed to look like. Akaashi didn’t know what to do.
How could Kuroo and Kenma be so open about it? Did their parents not care? Did they not have the crushing weight of expectations on their shoulders? Did they not have a voice in their heads constantly saying why can’t you just be normal?
Could Akaashi really be like them? With Bokuto? God, he wanted it so bad, but he just couldn’t see a future where that was possible.
It was all Bokuto’s fault for making Akaashi feel these things. He would have to distance himself from him.
On Monday, Akaashi left for school early and didn’t wait for Bokuto at the corner. They still saw each other at morning practice, but they were never alone together. Bokuto didn’t say anything about Akaashi’s absence, but Akaashi did catch him staring at him a few times.
At lunch, Akaashi sat alone in the clubroom and ate a packed lunch instead of going to the cafeteria with Bokuto. It was a bit lonely, but it was for the best.
In the afternoon, Akaashi was a bit slow to pack up his things, so by the time he was ready to leave for afternoon practice, Bokuto was already waiting for him outside his classroom.
“Hey!” Bokuto smiled.
“Hi,” Akaashi said, avoiding eye contact.
Akaashi walked ahead towards the gym, Bokuto jogging to catch up.
“I feel like I haven’t seen you all day,” Bokuto said.
“You saw me at practice.”
“Yeah, but, apart from that.”
Akaashi just hummed in response and kept walking in silence.
Practice continued as usual, Akaashi not really engaging with Bokuto but still playing normally. As they were finishing up, Bokuto ran up to him before he could leave.
“Akaashi! Extra spike practice?” he asked enthusiastically.
Akaashi had hoped he just wouldn’t ask, but that hardly ever happened. He didn’t really want to be alone with Bokuto, but he didn’t want his performance to suffer either.
“Ok,” Akaashi decided.
Bokuto dragged a cart of balls to one of the nets while the rest of the team headed to the clubroom to change. Once they were alone, Bokuto spoke up.
“Where were you at lunch?”
“Oh, um,” Akaashi tried to think of a good answer. “I just went to sit by myself. I wasn’t feeling too well.” Hopefully that would explain anything else that Bokuto noticed was off.
“Oh no! What’s wrong?”
Ah, now Akaashi needed an excuse. “I’m fine, I just had a headache.”
“Is it better now?”
“Yes.”
“Good! So, you’re still ok to do spike practice, right?”
“Yes, I can for a bit.”
“Ok!” Bokuto smiled and picked up a ball. “You know, Akaashi, if you ever have a problem you can talk to me about it.”
It was kind of him to offer, but Bokuto was the last person that Akaashi needed to help with this problem.
“Thank you, Bokuto-san.”
They continued doing their spike practice for about half an hour. They didn’t talk much, but Akaashi was glad that Bokuto’s performance didn’t seem to be affected. It was still hard for Akaashi to be alone with Bokuto, watching him too closely as he expertly spiked ball after ball.
When they were done, they got changed and started walking home together. Akaashi was torn, but his current distance clearly wasn’t enough to stop his feelings for Bokuto, so he decided he couldn’t be alone with him for a while.
“Bokuto-san, I have a big test coming up, so I don’t think I’ll be able to stay for extra practice the rest of the week. Is that ok?”
“Oh, ok.”
He seemed disappointed, but it was the only option. Akaashi let Bokuto talk for the rest of their walk, not offering much in response. He hesitated when they parted ways, looking back at Bokuto for a few seconds before continuing.
Akaashi didn’t know how long he could keep this up.
***
Bokuto didn’t know what he had done wrong. Akaashi was acting weird around him, seemed to be avoiding him. They had been going so well at the training camp, Bokuto had started to think Akaashi might like him back. But now, he wasn’t so sure.
Maybe he had come on too strong, maybe Akaashi had decided he couldn’t handle Bokuto’s personality. Maybe he had felt pressured by Bokuto and Kuroo to come out before he was ready. Even if Akaashi was gay and his best friend, that didn’t mean he necessarily liked Bokuto in a romantic way. Maybe this was his way of telling Bokuto to back off.
But he couldn’t shake the feeling that the two of them had something special. They could be so good together, Bokuto really thought Akaashi might be the one. Even if Akaashi didn’t want to date him, Bokuto still wanted to be his best friend.
He was determined to figure out what was wrong with Akaashi. He wanted to help, just like Akaashi had done for him so many times already. But to do that, he needed Akaashi to let him in. He just hoped the problem wasn’t that Akaashi hated him.
Bokuto didn’t see Akaashi in the morning again before practice, so he decided to try to talk to him at lunch. As soon as the bell rang, he rushed to Akaashi’s classroom, but he was gone already. He checked the cafeteria, not there either. He grabbed a yakisoba pan for himself and ate as he continued looking. He walked around the school grounds keeping an eye out, but he couldn’t see Akaashi anywhere.
There was one other place Akaashi might be. Bokuto went to the clubroom and checked the door, it was unlocked. He opened the door to see Akaashi lying on one of the benches, looking at his phone. He sat up when he heard the door and saw Bokuto standing there.
“Bokuto-san?”
“There you are Akaashi! I’ve been looking all over for you!”
“You have?”
“Yeah! I’ve been worried about you,” Bokuto said as he sat beside Akaashi.
“Oh, sorry,” Akaashi looked down, “You don’t need to worry about me.”
“But I care about you, I want to help if something is wrong.”
Akaashi didn’t say anything, so Bokuto continued.
“Are you ok?” he asked. “Are you mad at me?”
Akaashi sighed. “I’m not mad at you.”
“Then what’s wrong? You’ve been avoiding me, haven’t you?”
“I’m sorry Bokuto-san, it’s not your fault, it’s mine.” Akaashi stared at his hands and twisted his fingers together. “I’m just struggling with… I don’t want to be gay.” He glanced at Bokuto. “I don’t know how you do it.”
Akaashi looked sad, and it made Bokuto sad too. He thought carefully about what to say, how he could make Akaashi feel better.
“It’s ok if it takes you a while to accept it in yourself. It’s not always easy, but there are good things about being gay too. Don’t let yourself get trapped in the darkness.”
“What are the good things?”
“Well, I like having gay friends. It’s something to bond over, and it can be fun to make jokes between ourselves. It’s something special about you that can make you stronger and more open to other people’s differences. And I’ve never had a boyfriend before, but that seems like a great thing about being gay. It’s fun to be in love, right?”
Akaashi considered Bokuto’s words. “I suppose so. But I don’t know if I can really have that.”
“What part? Love?”
“Yeah.”
Bokuto had thought he had come on too strong, but maybe Akaashi actually didn’t know that he liked him. Or maybe Bokuto was completely wrong about the situation. Either way, he wanted him to know.
“Akaashi,” Bokuto put his hand on top of Akaashi’s. “It’s ok if you don’t feel the same way, or if you’re not ready, but I really like you. I just want you know that.”
Akaashi looked at him, so much conflicting emotion in his eyes.
“Thank you, Bokuto-san,” he said after a moment, “I don’t know if I’m ready for that just yet, but thank you.”
Bokuto was happy to wait.
***
Now that Akaashi had talked to Bokuto about his internal conflict, he was feeling a bit better. He was slowly opening back up to Bokuto, spending lunch together again sometimes and staying for extra practice.
He was still cautious though, he didn’t want to jump into things too fast. Bokuto had said that he liked him, but that didn’t necessarily mean they were ready for a relationship. Akaashi still had troubling believing it was possible. But, he supposed, the ball was in his court when he was ready.
When Bokuto invited Akaashi over to his house on Sunday, he was caught off guard and ended up saying yes. He wanted to, of course, but he was nervous. It would be so much time alone together with the freedom to do anything.
Before long, it was Sunday, and Akaashi was standing in front of Bokuto’s house. There was a knot in his stomach. Whether it was dread, excitement or just nerves, Akaashi wasn’t sure.
He knocked on the door and waited for a few seconds until the door swung open and an excited Bokuto stood there smiling at him.
“Akaashi! Come in!” he said and hurried Akaashi inside.
Bokuto gave him a quick tour of the house, said hi to his parents, then went to his room. Akaashi was a bit overwhelmed as he looked around the room. This was Bokuto’s bedroom. That bed was where he slept. This was Bokuto’s private space, and he had invited Akaashi in. The knot in his stomach persisted.
Bokuto went around the room showing things to Akaashi and explaining the stories behind them. He was rambling and jumping around to different things like an excited puppy. Akaashi thought it was cute. Even if he wasn’t interested in all of the things, Akaashi liked to listen to Bokuto when he was excited.
Bokuto picked up two identical keychains off his desk and held them up so Akaashi could see.
“Ooh, I just found these keychains yesterday and I thought they were cute! Do you like them?”
Akaashi thought they were fine, he wasn’t familiar with the character so he wouldn’t have chosen it himself, but he thought it suited Bokuto.
“Yes, they’re cute.”
Bokuto smiled. “You should keep one! We could both put them on our bags and then we would be matching!”
“Oh, sure.”
Akaashi took the keychain and had a closer look at it. He smiled, it was pretty cute after all. He would definitely put it on his bag.
Eventually, Bokuto had run out of things to show Akaashi, so he sat down on his bed and motioned for Akaashi to sit next to him. Akaashi sat down, not too close.
“So, what do you wanna do?” Bokuto asked. “We could talk, watch a movie, play a game or something?”
“Maybe we could watch a movie,” Akaashi said. That option sounded like the least pressure.
“Ok!”
Bokuto got out his laptop and set it up on the bed in front of them. He scrolled through the list of movies he had saved and let Akaashi choose one.
The movie started and Bokuto settled back next to Akaashi. He was so close. Akaashi tried to focus on the movie, but his heartbeat was so loud in his ears. He fiddled with the keychain in his hand.
Akaashi made it about ten minutes before he turned his gaze to Bokuto beside him. He was right there, so close they were nearly leaning on each other. He could feel the warmth coming off him.
He thought again about what Bokuto had said to him, ‘there are good things about being gay too’. Maybe he could try to find them. Akaashi didn’t want to be trapped in the darkness anymore.
“Bokuto-san?”
Bokuto turned to look at him. Akaashi held his gaze for a second, then leaned in and kissed him. Bokuto made a surprised noise, but kissed back. He adjusted himself, turning his body to get a better angle and putting a hand on Akaashi’s cheek. Akaashi had been waiting his whole life for this.
Eventually, they broke away to get some air. Bokuto was blushing with a big smile on his face. Akaashi felt like he could laugh or cry at any moment.
“I like you too,” Akaashi said.
“Do you wanna go out with me?” Bokuto blurted.
“Yes.” Akaashi smiled.
Bokuto kissed him again, they were both more prepared this time. Akaashi was very, very gay, and so was Bokuto. And maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing after all.