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“Gregory! My main man! My guy!”
Gregory looks up from the worksheet he’s grading to see Jacob leaning against the doorjamb of his classroom, clearly attempting to look nonchalant in a way that is absolutely anything but.
“What’s up, Jacob?”
“Can’t a guy drop into his BFF’s classroom unannounced just to say hello?”
Gregory’s eyebrows quirk up. “BFF?”
Jacob slumps in the doorway with a sigh. “I knew that was pushing it a smidge too far. Though to be fair, you did accept that friendship bracelet I made you that one time.” He eyes Gregory’s wrist pointedly. “Which I’ve noticed hasn’t made an appearance recently. Hmm.”
“Must’ve left it at Janine’s.” Gregory taps the edge of the stack of worksheets on the desk, straightening them into a tidy pile before tucking them away in the top drawer. “So, BFF. What’s up?”
“Hey, it’s such a funny coincidence that you should mention Janine, actually.” Jacob makes his way into the classroom, pulling up a child-sized seat across the desk from Gregory.
“Is it? She is my girlfriend.”
“Exactly. About that.” Jacob balances his chin on one hand. His eyes are wide with expectation, though Gregory isn’t sure of what. “When are you gonna lock that down? You know, when are you gonna stop giving away the milk for free? The proverbial milk, I mean.”
“Excuse me?”
“Oh please, don’t play coy with me,” Jacob says, batting a hand at Gregory, who remains flummoxed. “Don’t tell me you haven’t been ring shopping.”
“Uh…”
“You can tell me! What else are BFFs for, bestie?”
Gregory frowns. He can already tell it’s going to be a long week.
And it’s only Tuesday.
—
“So, yeah, everyone is acting kinda weird,” Gregory says to the camera, crossing his arms over his chest. “...der than usual,” he continues. “This morning when I walked in, Barbara cornered me outside my classroom to tell me all about how good I’d look in a tux.”
He pauses, then shrugs one shoulder bashfully. “I mean, sure, she’s got a point. But it was purely speculation on her part, and like I said— weird.”
—
Barbara presses one manicured hand against her chest in feigned surprise. “Weird? I was simply giving a colleague a suggestion on what kind of outfit might best flatter his figure. Heaven knows that’s not weird. The clothes make the man, after all.”
Beside her, Melissa rolls her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, and also, we’ve got a pool going on when Gregory’s gonna pop the question to Janine.” She elbows Barbara, who scowls. “That 400 bucks is all mine.”
“Not if it happens in the next three weeks, it isn’t,” she grumbles. To the camera: “Then we’ll see what the good lord’s got in store for that 400 bucks, won’t we?”
—
“A what? A pool?” Jacob scoffs. “What, like betting actual money? On school property? We would nev—”
He droops, sighing. “Okay, okay, yes, I picked June 10th—the last day of school—and it’s only because I want my two best friends to be happy.”
A beat.
“And also because I really need a new car stereo.” He points at the camera. “Can you believe it’s possible to listen to NPR so loud that it blows out your speakers? Because it is. I lived it.”
—
“Can we order takeout tonight?” Janine asks as they shuffle out into the parking lot. “Today was way too exhausting to consider cooking anything.”
“Sure,” Gregory answers, absentminded. His gaze darts around, scanning their surroundings, and Janine frowns as she reaches for the car door.
“You okay? You look kind of like the meerkat all the kids fell in love with during that field trip to the zoo last month.” She wrinkles her nose. “Well, until he started pooping. You don’t look like a pooping meerkat.”
Gregory chuckles in spite of himself, climbing into the passenger seat. “That might be the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”
“There’s more where that came from,” she says with a smirk. “You also don’t look like the two snakes in the reptile house that were either trying to constrict each other to death or having really acrobatic sex.”
His responding laugh is fond, and he darts in for a quick kiss before she pulls out onto the main road.
“Nah, it’s just… was everyone acting weird around you today, or was it just me?”
“Oh— whaaaat?” It comes out a little like a high-pitched screech. “Pssh. No.” She shakes her head dismissively, brow furrowed. “Weird how?”
Gregory tries to catch her gaze, but she keeps her eyes firmly on the road. “Uh. Weird like you're being right now, basically. What do you know?”
Pulling up to a stoplight, she finally spares him a glance, then sighs. “Okay, fine, I’ll tell you. But you have to know it’s not me saying this, it’s them.”
“Mmhmm. Spill.”
Janine puffs out another long breath. “I… might have overheard Mr. Johnson and the other teachers talking about a bet.”
“Okay…on what, the Phillies game or something?”
“Onwhenyouregoingtoproposetome.”
Gregory’s eyes widen— he didn’t quite catch that whole mouthful of mumbles, but he heard a key word or two. “They’re betting on our future engagement?”
Janine looks back at him, a little smile on her face. “Future…?”
His cheeks heat a bit, but he doesn't look away. “Well, yeah. I kinda hoped so.”
Her grin widens, and it warms him through. “Me too.”
A car horn beeps insistently behind them, and she snaps back to attention, pulling forward through the green light. “Sorry, sorry!”
“Wait, so…" he begins, circling back to the topic at hand. "Our friends and coworkers are trying to make money—like actual American dollars—off predicting when you and I will…”
“That would be correct.”
He frowns. “Does that seem a little intrusive?”
She laughs. “Have you met our friends and coworkers?”
“Fair point.” He taps his thumbs against his thighs, not nervous exactly, but suddenly full of a certain restless energy. “So…what if we gave them a bit of a challenge?”
Janine raises her eyebrows at him. “I’m listening.”
—
The plan is simple.
They’ll drop a few hints here and there, planting different fake dates and conflicting ideas into everyone’s minds until they’re all so confused they just give up trying to guess when an engagement might happen. Basically, be too unpredictable to predict.
Janine starts with Barbara.
“Do you have a favorite holiday, Barbara?” Janine muses as she washes her reusable water bottle in the break room sink. “Wait, don’t tell me. Let me guess. Christmas?”
“While little baby Jesus’s birthday is a fine reason to celebrate, I’d have to go with something a bit more romantic.” Barbara takes a sip from her mug. “Like Valentine’s Day? There’s nothing like the feeling of love in the air. Isn’t that right, Janine?”
“Isn’t it right that you like Valentine’s Day?”
Barbara purses her lips. “Isn’t it right that love is in the air? A love that might be consummated sooner than later?”
Janine screws up her face. “Ew. Don’t say consummated.”
“I simply think that precious time cannot be wasted when it comes to true love.” Barbara points. “And you can tell that boyfriend of yours I said so.” With a perturbed sniff, she takes her mug and makes her way out the door.
“My favorite holiday is New Year’s Eve!” Janine calls out after her, edging into the hallway. “Love staying up late. And loud noises!”
Her favorite holiday is the first day of school, actually, but maybe that will throw Barbara off the scent.
—
Gregory takes a more straightforward tack with Jacob.
“You know that thing you asked me about the other day?” he asks as they monitor recess together.
Jacob frowns. “Whether or not it’s offensive for me to say you have a green thumb?”
“I told you, it’s not offensive, and it’s a little offensive that you think it might be offensive.” He yells for a little girl to stop biting, then resumes their slow stroll around the perimeter of the playground. “No, I meant… the thing about Janine. And me.”
“Ohhh.” Jacob stops short. “Wait, did you buy a ring? Are you gonna do it soon? Or, like, in roughly exactly seven weeks?”
“Whoa, whoa.” Gregory holds up both hands, palms out, then shouts, “slow down!”
Jacob reddens. “Sorry, man, I guess I got ahead of myself.”
“Huh? No, I was yelling at Trini.” He gestures at a little girl with long braids who had just been running very fast toward a very slippery patch of loose gravel the teachers colloquially referred to as ‘The Death Trap.’ “But also, that’s part of the problem. Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself with Janine.”
“What? No way! You two are so happy together, and she loves you so much!”
Gregory can’t help but smile a little, then schools his expression into one of concern. “I don’t know… it’s not that we’re not happy. We are. But maybe we should wait to take that next step for a few more months… or you know. Years.”
Jacob gulps. “Years? That seems a little on the unnecessary side. Let’s go back to the ‘months’ idea. Maybe you’ll be ready in, like, two months? Give or take?”
With a solemn shake of his head, Gregory lets out a long breath through his nose. “No, I… I really think I need time to get comfortable with the idea of a proposal. Lots, and lots, and lots of time."
As Jacob protests and they continue their patrol, Gregory wonders why this fudge of the truth feels so uncomfortably like an outright lie.
—
The next opportunity to enact their plan comes quicker than expected, thanks to a 24-hour bug working its way through Melissa’s classroom. Six kids have been sent home, two more to the nurse’s office, and Melissa’s attending to end-of-day dismissal from the hallway with a yardstick in her hand to keep the kids and their germs a safe distance away.
“Watch out for that little one,” she says to Janine and Gregory as they walk by. She’s got the collar of her sweater pulled up over her nose and mouth like a mask, and she’s waving the yardstick at one boy in particular. “He’s got those watery eyes. I’ve seen this movie before, I know how it ends. Go get in your mom’s car before you end up gettin’ us all sick!”
“Okay, just… don’t touch anything,” Janine mutters to Gregory, pulling her cardigan tighter around her body.
He holds up his hands as if to show he has no intention of doing touching anything at all, probably ever again.
“Heard you had a little accident,” Mr. Johnson says, rolling his mop bucket up to join the conversation in the middle of the hall.
Melissa lets the collar of her sweater drop and scowls. “You make it sound like I peed my pants. No, one of my kids had a little accident, and it came out the other end.” She gestures back into her classroom. “In the corner by the window.”
Mr. Johnson gives her a look. “You think I don’t know that? I’ve got a radar for it. Can sense puke a quarter-mile away.”
“Now that’s talent,” deadpans Gregory.
“You wanna clean it up?” Mr. Johnson asks with a glare.
Gregory pales, then shakes his head.
“That's right.” He rolls the bucket toward the entrance to Melissa’s classroom, his eyes still on Gregory. “You best not try to come in here and take my job from me. I love it too much.”
“If you love it so much, why don’t you marry it,” Melissa says irritably, still wielding the yardstick like a shield as kids slowly trickle out of the school.
A moment passes, then Janine says, “I don’t believe in marriage.”
Gregory furrows his brow, but Melissa speaks up first. “Wait, what?”
“Come again?” calls out Mr. Johnson from inside the classroom, jostling his bucket. The handle of the mop clatters to the floor before he can catch it.
Janine just shrugs. “I don’t know. So many of my friends’ parents growing up got divorced. And it’s not like I ever had a healthy parental relationship to use as a role model. So I think I just… don’t.”
Melissa sputters. “But— you two were supposed to—”
“Supposed to what?”
“Nothin’, nothin’, it’s just…sad to hear you say that is all.” She shakes her head. “You’re little miss romantic ideals, and all that. I would’ve thought you’d be into the puffy white dress, the first dance, the whole shebang.” She crosses her arms over her chest, then goes on: “Y’know, preferably soon, though not too soon.”
“Well.” Janine holds her arms out to the side, then lets them fall back beside her. “I’m not. I think it’s all kind of pointless, actually.”
“Huh.”
“That’s a damn shame,” Mr. Johnson says, trailing the cart behind him. “I got ordained on the internet; I coulda married you.”
“Mr. Johnson, you’re an ordained minister?” Melissa asks, surprised.
“What can I say? The ladies dig a hot priest.” Before they can say anything, he squints, then licks the tip of one finger and holds it up as if to gauge the wind. A decisive nod. “Radar’s pinging. Gotta go.”
And he’s off.
After a few goodbyes, so are Gregory and Janine.
If Janine notices that Gregory’s quiet on the drive home, she doesn’t make note of it.
—
They’re laying in bed later that night, side by side with their books, but Gregory hasn’t read more than a sentence or two in half an hour. He can’t focus. He knows why.
At a certain point, he decides he can’t take it anymore. He slides a bookmark between the pages to hold his place and turns over in bed to face Janine.
“Hey.”
She looks down at him quizzically, then sets her e-reader on her nightstand and burrows down under the covers, facing him with a little smile.
“Hey,” she says, a note of suggestion in her voice. When he doesn’t say anything back, her expression settles. “Okay, not that kind of ‘hey.’ What’s up?”
“Did you mean what you said back at school?”
She looks confused for a moment before it dawns on her. “What, about not wanting to get married?” He just nods. “Of course not. It was all part of the plan to throw them off, make them give up their little bet.”
“You sure?”
She laughs a little, but it dies out as she recognizes he’s serious. “Yeah, I’m sure. Marriage is… it’s… I do want that.”
“Good. Because I want that, too… with you.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. I want to… wake up next to you every day, and go to sleep knowing the next morning, we get to do it all over again.” He adjusts the pillow under his head, a sleepy smile on his face. “I want to get things down off high shelves for you and put ‘em back when you ask me to even though I know it means you’re just gonna ask me to get them down for you again.”
“I don’t do that!” she protests, her eyes soft.
“You do,” he says, licking his lips. “And I like it. I kinda like everything about you, Janine.”
She snuggles deeper into the pillow without breaking his gaze. “Likewise, Gregory.”
“And I kinda never want to stop.”
She blinks a few times, then bites her bottom lip. “Gregory. Is this still hypothetical? Or are you…”
He lets his hand drift out across the sheets between them, taking her hand from where it’s clutching the top of the covers and bringing it close to his chest. “I don’t have a ring yet, and I wasn’t planning on asking tonight—”
“I don’t care when you ask,” she interrupts. “Or with what.”
“Okay, then,” he says softly. “So…marry me?”
She launches herself across the bed at him with a giggle, and kisses him for a few long, sweet moments before she abruptly pulls back. “Oh— sorry— just for clarity’s sake, my answer is yes.”
He smiles so big it almost hurts, but doesn’t. “I figured as much.” He leans in for another kiss, then pauses. “Do you think we should…”
“Keep this to ourselves so we don’t give any of them the satisfaction?”
“Yep.”
“Definitely.”
It’s a long time before they finally get to sleep that night. And Gregory’s excited to do it all over again, forever.
—
“I think we’re totally pulling it off,” Janine says to the camera, her voice low and surreptitious. “Don’t you think so?” she asks Gregory, looking up at him brightly.
He grins down at her. “Totally.” Then, back to the camera: “We’re going ring shopping this weekend.”
“And I’ll wear it whenever I’m not here, and take it off whenever I am here, for as long as we want to keep the news just between us.” She tilts her head to the side. “Well, us and you guys, I guess. But you can keep a secret. Right?”
—
“What, Gregory and Janine? Yeah, we know they’re gettin’ hitched,” says Melissa dismissively. “Those two aren’t exactly undercover cops.” She reconsiders. “Though she does kinda dress like one.”
Barbara frowns. “It feels a little bit hurtful that they haven’t officially told us yet, doesn’t it?”
“I mean, we were placing bets on their major life choices,” Jacob chimes in, bobbing his head from one side to the other, equivocating. “Maybe we kinda deserve to be kept out of the loop this time.”
“Whatever, they don’t even know about that,” Melissa grumbles.
“Damn right they don’t,” Mr. Johnson adds, wandering out of an empty classroom to join them. He looks at the camera and points two fingers at his eyes, then two fingers into the lens. “Because I was an undercover cop. I know how to keep a secret.”
—
“Yeah, they all definitely know,” Gregory says with a resigned sigh.
Janine gives a solemn nod to the camera. “Definitely.”
They can only keep the serious expressions on their faces for a moment, before a pair of smiles creep in, warm and fond.