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When everybody had managed to get safely to the cottage, most of the group decided to get some rest. Meg disappeared without saying a word, knowing that Castiel was in a semi-safe environment so the boys were all alone. Kevin was already falling asleep standing up so Sam took him to another room to let him sleep. Meanwhile, Dean was still pacing around the room, trying to come up with the best plan for the following days but he couldn't focus when he noticed Castiel wandering around the back of the cottage, observing fucking bees.
“Cas,” he called out, his voice gruff and weary. “Get in here.”
The angel turned around and tilted his head. "Is everything alright?"
"No, everything ain't alright," Dean said through clenched teeth. He leaned against the frame of the door, pinning Castiel with a steely glare. "We need to talk."
Once Castiel got inside he raised his eyebrows but remained silent, waiting for the hunter to speak his mind. Dean closed the door behind Castiel and leaned against it, folding his arms across his chest. His stance was casual, but his eyes were hard and guarded.
"Are you going to end this stunt you're pulling since you got back from the asylum?"
"What stung?" Castiel asked with confusion.
"Your whole damn stoicism. How's that Sam was totally freaked out when he had Lucifer in his head but you seem to be all fine, hm?" Dean said, his voice edged with irritation. He knew Castiel well enough to know that it was all a mask that he was putting on and it started pissing him off that the angel wasn't even taking it off in front of him.
"I'm alright, Dean." That was a pure lie and the hunter could hear it perfectly.
He moved away from the door, his hands resting on his hips as he took a step closer to Castiel. "Don't give me that 'I'm alright' crap, Cas. I can't just sit back and watch you get hurt. I can't—" he paused for a second. "We can't lose you."
For a split second, Castiel's expression switched from his unbothered one to a softer one. Dean's words did something to him but, unfortunately, it worked for only a short while.
"I have to redeem myself, Dean. That's why I was brought back to life," he explained carefully. "Taking Sam's trauma was the first thing I had to do."
"That's not redemption, Cas," Dean argued, his tone softer than before. "That's self-destructive behaviour. Redeeming yourself doesn't have to involve putting your life at risk." A hint of worry crept into his expression. "And as for Sam... I get it, Cas, I do. But taking on his trauma isn't your burden to bear alone. Everybody has their limits and I don't want you to meet yours."
The angel tilted his head. "It's in my head, Dean."
Dean groaned, Castiel's oblivion was tiring sometimes. "But that doesn't mean you have to face it all on your own. You've got me and Sam. He knows what you're going through—"
"He doesn't," Castiel cut him off quickly, his expression darkened. "I have it under control."
The hunter sighed, a note of exhaustion in his sigh. "You can't keep shutting us out. We're here to help you, dammit. Why won't you let us?"
"Because I'm okay. Now, it's getting quite late I think you should go to sleep." And after that Castiel suddenly disappeared.
It was obvious that the angel was trying his best to hide his true traumatized self but the more time was passing, the more that facade was breaking.
"Dammit, Cas," Dean swore under his breath as the angel vanished. Frustration and concern still clung to his features as he raked a hand through his hair, the whole cottage feeling eerily silent now.
He leaned against the door frame, his mind still on Castiel's words and the hidden trauma he seemed to be carrying. As much as he tried to hide it, Dean saw through that poker face, glimpsing the pain he still held inside. It was a well-known fact that the angel was a stubborn one but that was really not the right time to be stubborn. Sam had only Lucifer in his head, who knew who Cas got in his? And he was pretending to be all fine with his damn calm and peaceful voice. Had he learnt nothing? The whole chaos that was caused by him was exactly because he hadn't asked for help. Now, Dean couldn't let it happen again. He swore to himself that he would break the angel at least to make him share his burden with him.
A restlessness settled over Dean as the night stretched on. He tried to push the thoughts of Castiel aside, to distract himself with sleep, but it was useless. His mind kept wandering back to the angel, replaying their conversation over and over again.
As he tossed and turned in the motel bed, Dean eventually gave up on the idea of sleep. With a frustrated huff, he pushed back the blanket and got up from the sofa, his bare feet hitting the cool linoleum floor.
Suddenly, as he grabbed his phone to check the time, he heard noises— no... mumbling. That itself was already suspicious and concerning so he grabbed his knife and tired to reach the source of the voice. Curiosity tugged at him as he heard the muffled sounds coming from the bathroom. His brows furrowed in concern, he padded silently towards it.
As he opened the door, Dean's eyes scanned the dimly lit area, trying to discern the source of the noise until his gaze laid on something— somebody, a silhouette tucked in the corner of the bathroom.
"Please, no, no, Michael, no..." It was Castiel whose back was pressed against the cold tiles of the room with his head tucked between his knees.
Dean's heart clenched at the sight of his friend huddled in the corner, his words filled with terror. Hearing him mention Michael sent a pang of concern through Dean. However, he was nearly sure what was happening right now.
He approached slowly, trying not to startle the trembling angel. His voice was gentle as he called out, "Cas...?"
The angel's eyes shot open and looked up. "No! Get away from me!" He was shaking, miserably trying to tuck himself more in the corner, failing to push himself away from Dean.
Seeing the state the angel was in, Dean took a step back, shocked and alarmed. He held up his hands in a placating gesture, his heart pounding in his chest. Castiel wouldn't hurt him, right?
"Cas, it's me, Dean. It's okay, you're okay," he said, his voice steady and soothing. "I'm not going to hurt you, I swear."
"Please, please, I won't fight, please!" Castiel covered his face with his hands like a little child who'd just woken up from a nightmare and couldn't distinguished it from the reality.
Dean had no idea what the angel was seeing right now but it must have been terrifying. He'd never seen Castiel so horrified. Most of the time, he presented himself to be a tough soldier who feared nobody. That was why Dean's heart broke at Castiel's pleas. He couldn't stand seeing the angel in this state, trapped in a nightmare of fear and torment.
He took a step closer, his voice still gentle and soothing. "Cas, listen to me. I'm not going to let anything hurt you, I swear." He knelt down in front of Castiel, trying to catch his eye. "It's just me, okay? Look at me, buddy. Just breathe."
There were tears falling down Castiel's cheek. It was the first time Dean saw him crying. The sight of the usually stoic angel crumbling before him was a blow so he reached out a hand, tentatively placing it on Castiel's shoulder, right on the same spot where the angel had left his mark when he had brought Dean back from Hell.
"Cas, look at me. You're safe, okay? You're here with me, no one's gonna hurt you," Dean reassured, his voice filled with a mixture of concern and sadness.
Finally, the angel looked up, a familiar touch was slowly bringing him back to the reality. "Dean...?"
"Yeah, Cas, that's right. It's me," Dean said, relief evident in his tone. He kept his hand on Castiel's shoulder, grounding him present. He could see the confusion and fear in his eyes, and it only made him more determined to help. "You with me, buddy?" he asked softly.
Ha! Look! Baby brother found his boyfriend! Castiel's ears hurt from Lucifer's laugh who was currently leaning against the wall, watching the whole scene.
Awe, imagine how cute would it be if we chopped his head off! Michael quickly added, wrapping his hands around Dean's neck, filling Castiel with even more terror.
"No!" He pushed Dean weakly in an attempt to get the archangel away from the hunter.
Dean, confused, looked around and then back to Castiel. He assumed that the angel was seeing things that were only a figment of his imagination but wanted to check anyway, just in case. His protective instincts flared up as he noticed Castiel flinching from time to time, being only able to imagine what the creatures in his head were doing to him.
"Cas," he said firmly, looking directly at the angel. "Ignore them, they're not real. It's just in your head, okay? Focus on me, listen to my voice."
How do you know he's real, Cassie? Raphael whispered in his ear adding a chuckle at the end. Those words were enough to sow the seeds of insecurity in Castiel's head.
"How do I know you're real?" the angel repeated with fear.
Dean tightened his grip on Castiel's shoulder. "You remember when we went out drinking? And you got that lady kick you out of the room?" he let out a small chuckle. "Or when you fell asleep in the Impala? Oh, or when we took the family photo?" The last part came with some difficulties through his throat but Dean knew that anything that Castiel had in his head wouldn't say such nice things to him and he needed to prove to him that he was real.
Fortunately, it started to work because Castiel took a few deep breathes and the muscles under Dean's fingers started to relax.
"I'm right here. Look at me, feel me. I'm not a figment of your imagination. I'm as real as it gets."
Almost subconsciously, Castiel put his hands on Dean's cheeks to feel him. Dean's heart clenched. The angel's touch was cold and desperate, a reminder of the torment he was enduring. Yet, he held still, letting the angel feel the solidity of his presence.
Castiel started crying more, the images of his brothers were slowly fading away but Dean's heart ached more seeing his friend in so much pain. He could sense that the cry was more a relieved one but the battle in Castiel's head wasn't over yet. At least it was a step in the right direction.
"You're doing good, Cas," he murmured, his voice a gentle contrast to Castiel's tears. "They're fading and you're coming back to me."
"I'm so scared, Dean..." Castiel whimpered. "They're always talking... Make them stop."
The desperation in Castiel's voice cut through Dean like a knife. He hated seeing the angel in such torment, trapped in a relentless nightmare.
Dean locked his eyes onto Castiel's tear-filled ones. "Think about something that brings you comfort, something that reminds you of peace. Hold onto that, focus on it, let it drown out the other voices."
Immediately, Castiel wrapped his arms tight around Dean. His ear was placed above his heart to hear the heartbeat muting all the voices that kept banging in the angel's head. The sudden embrace took Dean off guard but when he realized what'd just happened, a wave of emotion washed over him. He quickly composed himself and wrapped his arms around the trembling angel. The rhythmic thump of his heart echoed in the otherwise silent room, a steady and reassuring beat.
"That's it, Cas," he murmured, his voice soft in the crook of the angel's ear. "Listen to my heartbeat. I'm here. You're safe."
"They laugh at me..."
A flicker of anger crossed Dean's face as he heard Castiel's words. The thought of his friend being ridiculed by the archangels enraged him.
He held the Castiel tightly, his fingers gently splaying across his back. "They can laugh all they want, Cas. They're not real. You're stronger than them."
The angel held tight onto the hunter's shirt. "I was always the smallest... the youngest... the weakest..."
Dean's heart broke as Castiel spoke, his words echoing with a mix of vulnerability and shame. He held the angel closer, his eyes filled with a mixture of sadness and determination.
"That doesn't matter, Cas. You're not weak, not by any stretch of the imagination. You've sacrificed so much, fought so hard. That's what makes you strong." He paused, his hand gently moving in a soothing rhythm against Castiel's back. "Your size or your youth doesn't define strength, buddy. It's what's in here," he tapped Castiel's chest. Dean didn't really know where those words were coming from but they felt right and honest to say.
"They keep mocking me... They say I'm pathetic for seeking comfort..." Castiel's small voice was breaking the silence.
"You're not pathetic for seeking comfort, Cas," Dean asserted, his voice firm yet gentle. "Everyone needs comfort, even angels. That doesn't make you weak, it makes you human." Dean's jaw clenched hard, his protective instincts kicking into overdrive. He felt a surge of anger at the archangels' cruel words, their attempts to belittle Castiel.
"And the Leviathans keep reminding me of what I did..."
Of course, those bastards... It was never enough, was it? Dean's heart ached as he heard the torment in Castiel's words. The thought of the Leviathans adding to his anguish was intolerable.
"They're just trying to get in your head, Cas," he said, his voice soft but firm. "You made mistakes, sure, but we all have. It doesn't define you, and it certainly doesn't make you weak or pathetic. You've helped us save the world more times than I can count. That's what matters."
Feeling Castiel's nod against him, Dean held onto the angel a bit tighter as if he was afraid that letting him go would break him into pieces. He continued to murmur soothingly, one hand rubbing slow circles on his back.
"That's it, buddy. Just focus on my voice, my touch. Ignore those voices, they're not real," he reassured, his voice a steady and calming presence in the dark room.
"Not real..."
After a few more minutes of remaining in that tight embrace, Castiel started to feel his body getting tired as the adrenaline was slowly fading away and all that was left was pure exhaustion. His body sagged against the hunter, eyes drooping slightly.
"Hey, buddy, you're exhausted," Dean whispered softly. "You need sleep."
Castiel's tired eyes met with Dean's alert one. "But I don't know how to." Sure, he had been asleep back in the asylum but that was nowhere near a controlled sleep. His body just shut.
Fortunately, Dean took that as his mission now, to help the angel find some rest. Slowly, he stood up, not letting go of Castiel. They both left the bathroom and made their way back to the abandoned sofa. Dean thought that they were lucky that they hadn't woken up anybody because otherwise the situation would get rather awkward. Judging by Castiel's previous behaviour he probably didn't want anybody to see him in such a state.
After a few minutes, Castiel was securly tucked in on the sofa, the blanket covering him from his chin to his toes. Dean couldn't help a small smile that appeared on his face when he saw how adorable the angel looked.
"You just close your eyes and relax," he said. "I'll be right here, okay? I got you." To emphasise that, he patted a set of pillows that he layed on the floor next to the sofa to prove that he was not about to go anywhere. His goal was to sit close to the angel the whole night.
"But what if they come to me in my sleep?"
"I'll be here, I'll watch over you. I won't let anything or anyone mess with your sleep, I promise," he reassured the angel, his voice filled with determination and fortunately, that was enough for Castiel to nod and close his eyes, never letting go of Dean's hand that he subconciously grabbed as they were walking back to the living room.
It took the hunter about twenty minutes to make sure that the angel had fallen asleep. After a few whimpers and flinches, Castiel seemed finally at peace. That let Dean lean his head against the angel's thigh and close his eyes. He didn't plan on falling asleep just yet but the whole situation had worn him out as well.
And that was exactly how Sam had found them in the morning. Nothing else but a small smile appeared on his face as he grabbed another blanket to wrap it around Dean's shoulders. He wasn't sure what happened in the night but all that mattered was that his brother and Castiel seemed safe.
Don't worry, he would wake them up before Meg or Kevin saw them.