Archive of Our Own ^beta

Taehyung’s life has always been about dance. His parents like to say that he was dancing before he was walking, making wiggles and twirls before even thinking of taking his first steps. 

His official career in dance started at the age of three when he entered and won his first competition.

The rest had been history. 

Sometimes when Taehyung is feeling particularly tired, he’ll watch the footage of his performance from that particular competition and wonder if it can all be traced back to then. He’ll watch his past self toddle around on a stage too big for such a small body and wonder; what did it take to replace clumsiness with precision and grace. 

Taehyung doesn’t remember. He has no memories of the practice leading up to the performance nor of the performance itself. It’s why he can actually bear to watch it as opposed to the performances he does remember. Because, when he looks at the three-year-old twirling on the stage with the pale blue backdrop, it doesn’t feel like he’s watching himself. Instead, it’s a stranger far detached from Taehyung. Someone he isn’t obligated to feel anything for. He can watch and judge and admire but he doesn’t feel. 

People tell him he was born to dance and Taehyung thinks that that’s true. At least, he doesn’t know what else to do. He doesn’t know what he is without dance. If he’s being honest, he isn’t sure he even is anything without it. After all, Taehyung is a dancer before he’s anything else, he’s a dancer before he is a friend, and a dancer before he is a human being.

So it has always been and so it will remain.

Taehyung hasn’t seen Jimin in what feels like forever. It happens. Friends grow apart. But even then, parting with Jimin had felt like losing a part of his soul. 

“You’re not happy, Taehyung.” He had said, voice tired from the many times they’d had that exact argument before. 

“I’m plenty happy.” Taehyung had answered dismissively as he’d do every time the subject came up. It’s the one thing he’s always been good at other than dance; dismissing. He’ll sweep things under the rug until it bulges with everything he’s too afraid to face and then he’ll get a bigger rug. It’s the way it has always gone and the way it always will go because, as much as Taehyung adores Jimin, there are certain habits he won’t change, not even for the sake of his soulmate.

Jimin would only sigh and Taehyung would pretend the sound of disappointment didn’t tear at his heart viciously.

Sometimes Taehyung wonders what would have happened if he had followed Jimin’s advice. He wonders what would have happened if he had believed in himself as much as Jimin believed in him. 

Those are dangerous thoughts, though, because Taehyung knows, deep in his heart, that he would lose either way. 

In the end, he supposes that it doesn’t really matter. Because when it comes down to it, Taehyung didn’t follow Jimin’s advice and he didn’t believe in himself.

Jimin was convinced that Taehyung was more than dance but Taehyung wasn’t ready to find out.

Taehyung doesn’t have friends. He has colleagues, fellow dancers, but he doesn’t have friends. He tells himself it’s because he doesn’t have the time but the lie is too obvious to be believable.

Sometimes Taehyung thinks that he’s become a little addicted to being miserable, to the familiarity of solitude and unhappiness, and to the comfort of knowing that no matter what he does it’ll never be good enough. 

Most of the time, though, it eats away at him; the loneliness and the failure. It squeezes itself behind his ribcage, creating a place for itself in the space between his lungs where he can’t ignore it and he can’t forget it. Because, as familiar as it all is, Taehyung doesn’t want to be miserable. He misses laughing and smiling, he misses hanging out with friends, and he misses Jimin. It doesn’t matter how many times he tries to convince himself that he’s used it and therefore fine. Because in his heart of hearts, he knows that he isn’t. 

No, Taehyung isn’t fine. He’s the furthest thing from that. He's a disaster on two legs and even if, at times, he’s able to delude himself into thinking that the familiarity of solitude is comforting, he knows that it’s only a matter of time. He knew it when Jimin was still around and he knows it now. He can’t continue like this. He can’t keep running without looking at where he’s going and expect not to crash. 

He just can’t anymore.

Dance was never Taehyung’s passion. He works hard on performances, pours his everything into the strive for perfection, but his heart isn’t in it. 

Dance was handed to him like a gift that couldn’t be returned, something he was expected to say thank you for and then treasure because that’s what you’re supposed to do when you receive a gift. 

Like a superhero whose responsibility is thrust upon them, dance was thrust upon Taehyung because apparently, he had a talent that would be shameful to let go to waste. It didn’t matter that he was too young to voice whether he actually wanted to pursue dance or not. Even when he was old enough to voice his opinion, it still didn’t matter. No one had been willing to listen.

To Taehyung, dance became this thing he just had to do, like homework. It wasn’t fun but it was something he had always done and would always do. He didn’t even necessarily hate it back then.

Nowadays, he resents it.

Jimin had made it a little better. A, then, seven-year-old kid with chubby cheeks and a strange determination to befriend the quiet boy living with his parents next door. 

Taehyung had always been lonely, granted he didn’t always have a name for the feeling. He had always been isolated and only really spoke if spoken to. 

The kids at school thought he was weird. They thought it was strange how he would sporadically miss whole days of school because he had competitions. The kids at dance didn’t like him any better. They had this one-sided rivalry fueled by Taehyung’s many trophies and his reserved nature that somehow always seemed to translate to being stuck up.

Taehyung only ever had Jimin and perhaps that’s why his absence feels so immense. There’s no one to fill in the gap the other left behind and instead, it remains an aching, gaping reminder in his chest.

When Taehyung is feeling particularly lonely and resentful he’ll blame Jimin for leaving him, for giving up on him. He’ll curse his once best friend with colorful insults he doesn’t mean and would never say to his face should they ever meet again. 

Most of the time, though, he blames himself. He blames himself for being spineless, for never standing up for himself, and for always taking the easy way out, for cowering instead of confronting.

Even then, he knows that it doesn’t really matter whose fault it is. They’re not ever going to see each other again and Taehyung will just have to live with the fact that he lost the only thing, the only person, in this world that ever really meant something to him.

As each day passes, Taehyung falls deeper and deeper into the hole he has dug for himself. Acting like everything is fine and like he isn’t drowning becomes harder and harder to do, and each time he steps into the practice room he feels his lungs constrict a little and his breaths shorten ever so slightly. 

Taehyung becomes bitter. Bitter towards dance, bitter towards his parents, bitter towards Jimin, and bitter towards himself. 

There’s a permanent scowl on his face these days that he can’t hide no matter how much he tries to and even the act of putting on a brave face for the sake of himself becomes impossible.

Taehyung lives and breathes dance. It’s how he spends most of his time, holding up in practice rooms for hours. Hell, even at night his dreams are centered around dance. 

But the thing about living and breathing for the sake of solely one thing is that, if you don’t feel a passion for that thing, you’re essentially living just to live. There’s no drive, no motivation or pull to get you out of bed in the morning. There’s no joy or excitement or wanting to wake up the next day. Because you know that, what awaits you is the exact same shit that you went through yesterday.

It’s that same reason that one day causes things to go sideways. 

Taehyung knows the moment he opens his eyes that today is going to be a bad day. He blinks at his white ceiling as his alarm blares next to his head but he can’t bring his arm to reach out and silence it. In fact, he can’t really bring himself to do much of anything. 

He can’t afford to take the day off but the mere thought of his responsibilities is enough to have a heavy weight settling in his stomach.

It’s been happening more often these days. He’ll lie in bed and try to convince himself that getting up is worth it but each time, it gets harder and harder to do so. 

He’s never liked dance and since Jimin left he would say that he even hates it, but it’s never been something that made him feel like this. It’s never made his stomach hurt quite like this or made his hands tremble as if he hasn’t eaten in hours. 

These days, the thought of dance makes him sick and every time he steps into a practice room all he wants to do is flee right back out. 

Sometimes Taehyung wishes that he liked dance. Things would be so much easier if he did. But thoughts like those are useless because he doesn’t like dance and he knows that he never will.

Taehyung doesn’t know how much time he spends lying in bed and blinking at the ceiling but it must be at least an hour because his alarm has stopped blaring and the light streaming in from the window seems brighter. No matter what, it’s probably much too long. He’s supposed to be at the theater at nine since their first show is at ten but as each long minute passes without him even attempting to leave his bed, it becomes increasingly clear that he’s not going to make it.

The thought of inconveniencing and creating trouble for everyone at the theater makes the knot in his stomach coil tighter but he still can’t make himself get up. He knows they have stand-ins, people who can cover for the main leads in case they can’t perform one night, but something tells Taehyung that he won’t feel better tomorrow or the days after that. 

So, no matter how guilty it makes him feel, Taehyung curls up on his side and closes his eyes again.

As expected, the next day doesn’t go any better and before he knows it, it’s been a week. 

His phone died sometime during the second day, probably overworked from the constant ringing. Taehyung couldn’t bring himself to look at the caller-ID but it’s not like it matters anyway. There’s no one he would want to talk to at the moment.

During that week he doesn’t leave his apartment except for the time he had forced himself to go grocery shopping but even then, the trip had been short, fueled by his desire to get back home lest he runs into someone from the theater. It’s a ridiculous fear given that his colleagues are all at work, something he should be as well, but it’s a fear that he can’t quite shake. He doesn’t think he would survive if he had to deal with one of his fellow dancer’s ire towards him. 

Instead, Taehyung stays home, only moving from his bed to use the bathroom or to force food down his throat. He doesn’t bother showering or keeping his apartment clean when it’s only him, and he sleeps so much it makes him a little worried. 

Most of the time, though, he thinks. He thinks about his future, about dance, about his parents. He thinks through all the possible scenarios for himself and then he thinks through them once more for good measure. 

He knows he can’t hide forever but it’s too tempting not to try. 

Maybe if he rests a few more days, he’ll feel better. Maybe then he’ll be able to go back to work.

“Taehyung?” 

It’s the next day and despite his desire to stay locked inside his apartment forever, his empty fridge and cupboards had forced him to venture outside. 

“Jimin.” Taehyung mutters, surprised. His voice is hoarse from disuse and he knows his appearance isn’t much better. Jimin’s eyes slide over him with zero subtlety and it makes Taehyung incredibly conscious of just how haggard he must look. 

“It’s good to see you.” Jimin smiles but it looks a little strained and Taehyung can’t make himself smile back.

Standing in his pajamas and a coat with his hair unpleasantly greasy, Taehyung feels small. And when Jimin turns to the man beside him, who Taehyung hadn’t noticed until now, he feels insignificant as well.

“Taehyung, this is Hoseok, my partner.” Jimin introduces and Taehyung can only nod and watch apprehensively as Hoseok says, “Nice to meet you.” with a bright smile on his face.

“How are you?” Jimin asks after a moment of silence, face pleasant despite the worry in his eyes.

Taehyung clears his throat but it does nothing to make his voice sound better.

“I’ve been good.” He says stilted and he can’t help but internally cringe at the obvious lie. Jimin doesn’t look like he believes him either but he has the decency not to say anything. “We’re, uh, performing The Nutcracker at the moment.” He adds because he doesn’t know what else to say. He doesn’t mention that he hasn’t actually performed it yet but has instead stayed isolated in his apartment. Come to think of it, they might actually have permanently replaced him at this point.

“Oh! We saw that this weekend, it was truly an amazing experience.” Hoseok chimes in but the words make Taehyung feel a little faint. Still, he finds himself responding,

“I’m glad. We put a lot of work into it.” It sounds a bit practiced, like the things he would tell his parents when they come to his shows. 

“I don’t remember seeing you.” Jimin says, and something in his tone rubs Taehyung the wrong way. It makes him feel unpleasantly seen as if Jimin can take one look at him and know exactly what’s going on, exactly what he’s done. 

“Well, we do wear pretty elaborate makeup.” Taehyung replies despite knowing Jimin won’t buy it. After all, Jimin would always recognize Taehyung, makeup or not. To his surprise, though, all Jimin does is purse his lips and say, “I suppose.” but even then, Taehyung knows that he doesn’t believe it.

It’s a little scary how well the other can still read him. It’s been close to five years now since they were last in contact but to Jimin it seems he will always be an open book. 

“I should probably get going.” Taehyung mumbles uncomfortably at the same time Jimin says, “Do you want to catch up sometime?” and the silence that follows is nothing short of awkward.

“Sorry,” Jimin laughs, sounding embarrassed for reasons Taehyung doesn’t understand, “You’re probably busy-“

“I’m not!” Taehyung says, probably too loud for the quietness of the convenience store, before adding at a much more reasonable volume, “I’d love to meet up sometime.”

“You could come over for dinner?” Jimin suggests, looking briefly at Hoseok who only nods encouragingly, “We’d love to have you over, if you want.” He says, voice soft and hopeful, and without really thinking it through, Taehyung finds himself nodding in agreement.

“Okay,” Jimin smiles, eyes squinting in happiness, “I’ll text you.” and, for some reason, he seems excited. 

Taehyung can’t fathom why he would be. It’s not like he was ever that good of a friend to Jimin, after all. 

“Okay.” Taehyung responds anyway when the other keeps looking at him expectantly. 

“Great! We’ll see you then, Taehyung.” Jimin says before, with a quick goodbye, he and Hoseok walk away.

Taehyung is left standing in the middle of the aisle, wondering if he just made his greatest mistake. He’s left looking at his slipper-covered feet that are nowhere near appropriate for going outside in public nor for the harsh autumn weather, trying to convince himself that this won’t lead to yet another disappointment. He doesn’t think he could survive losing Jimin a second time.

It’s only once he gets back home with his shopping bag of instant meals that it occurs to him that this won’t just be Jimin and him. It will be Jimin and him and Hoseok. 

The thought of having to impress not only Jimin but also his partner has a familiar ache twisting in his stomach. 

Maybe it’ll be fine, he tells himself but even then, he knows that most likely it will not.

Despite his meeting with Jimin, Taehyung doesn’t feel better the next couple of days. In fact, he feels worse. There’s a constant cloud of anxiety hanging over his head and even though he knows it’s way overdue, he doesn’t go back to work. Even just the thought of returning to the theater is enough to have nausea rising in his throat. 

He does manage to charge his phone, though, if only so he can respond when Jimin texts him. The texts and missed calls that immediately pop up on the screen once the device is turned on are easily swiped away and even if it doesn’t do anything to settle the persistent ache in his stomach, he tells himself that as long as it’s out of sight, it’s out of mind.

On the third day after running into Jimin and Hoseok, Taehyung manages to drag himself to the bathroom for a quick shower. He doesn’t have the energy to go through the process of washing his hair but he does quickly rinse it with the hot water. It doesn’t necessarily make much of a difference but he tells himself that it’s progress nonetheless.

When Jimin finally texts him, it’s sometime during the afternoon on the fourth day. It’s a short message asking if he’s free next weekend with a single smiling emoji. It’s so painfully plain and neutral, so unlike how Jimin used to text him, that, for a moment, Taehyung doesn’t know how to respond. He formulates several replies, which he then deletes all of before settling on an equally polite response that merely confirms the time and date and offers nothing else.

It’s a little upsetting to think about how much things have changed but it’s even more upsetting when another text from Jimin ticks in and he realizes that he really doesn’t know anything about the other’s life anymore.

Because it turns out that Jimin doesn’t just have Hoseok but an additional four other men who will also be there at the dinner.

If Taehyung wasn’t nervous before, he surely is now.

It doesn’t necessarily surprise him that Jimin has multiple partners. After all, Jimin has always been easy to love. It does make Taehyung wonder how he might fit into all of that, though. Surely, Jimin won’t need Taehyung in his life as well. Taehyung, who only brings trouble and problems too much for anyone to handle. 

Taehyung doesn’t dare hope anymore. Instead, he tells himself that this is just one courtesy dinner, two old friends catching up before continuing on their separate ways, because there’s no way Jimin wants Taehyung to be a permanent fixture in his life again.

When Taehyung walks to Jimin’s apartment on a rainy Saturday in the late afternoon, he does so with a bad case of imposter syndrome. He has showered and actually washed his hair for the first time in what might be weeks, brushed his teeth, and put on a clean set of clothes that aren't pajamas. He has done all the things he’s supposed to do to be a functioning adult but it feels a lot like he’s cosplaying. 

Because, when it comes down to it, Taehyung isn't exactly a functioning adult at the moment. Or at least he isn’t a very good one. He might be dressed as regular put-together Taehyung who goes to work, eats three meals a day, and remembers to call his parents, but he doesn’t feel like it. 

The last few weeks have been a testament to just how poor Taehyung is at adulting yet here he is, in a clean sweater and jeans on the way to have dinner with other human beings. 

It feels wrong.

By the time he gets to the right apartment complex, he decides that, despite his nerves, there’s nothing to actually be afraid of. It’s just one dinner where he’ll have to pretend and then he’ll go home with the knowledge that he won’t ever have to worry about seeing any of these people again.

Easy peasy.

When he rings the doorbell it’s neither Jimin nor Hoseok who answers the door but instead, a tall man who smiles politely and says, “You must be Taehyung-ssi.” as he steps aside for Taehyung to enter. 

Taehyung does so with a meek smile and an internal pep talk that consists mostly of, get it together, Taehyung.

“That’s me.” He manages to say, eternally grateful that his voice comes out sounding even, “It’s nice to meet you..?” 

“Namjoon.” The guy, Namjoon, supplies as he closes the door again. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Namjoon-ssi.” Taehyung says, turning his attention to shuffling off his shoes so he doesn’t have to look at Namjoon’s expression.

“Taehyung, you made it!” Jimin’s voice greets brightly and when Taehyung chances a glance upwards, he’s met with the sight of his former best friend walking towards him with a gentle smile. Taehyung barely refrains from commenting how he almost stayed home.

“Hi, Jimin.” He murmurs quietly, the other’s name foreign on his tongue after so many years. He manages a small smile that only feels slightly strained which in itself feels like an achievement. 

“Come on in, we’re just getting the last things ready.” Jimin says, gesturing for him to follow before turning around and walking back the way he came. 

Despite knowing he’s expected to follow, Taehyung finds himself hesitating. For all of his pep talks and internal assurances, it’s a lot more difficult to believe everything will be fine now that he’s actually here. 

“Let’s not keep Jimin-ah waiting.” Namjoon murmurs from beside him with a reassuring smile on his face as Taehyung jumps ever so slightly, having momentarily forgotten the man was there.

Taehyung merely nods, feeling embarrassed at having been caught unaware before he walks forward in the direction Jimin went.

The entrance hallway opens up to a large kitchen and dining area. The smell of food is strong in the air which does nothing to help with the nausea that has accompanied his increasing nervousness at watching the people bustling about the area.

Namjoon goes to join the two men working in the kitchen, speaking in tones too low for Taehyung to hear over the exhaust hood and the additional chatter coming from the remaining people setting the table.

Taehyung is left standing by the hallway doorstep feeling lonelier than ever despite the company around him. The men work together seamlessly like a well-oiled machine, attention focused on their respective tasks and apparently oblivious to their guest forgotten by himself. It’s only once Jimin glances up and his eyes accidentally sweep by Taehyung’s still form, that someone seems to remember his presence.

“Take a seat, Taehyung.” He urges, pulling out the chair at the end of the table and gesturing for him to sit down. The sound of his name gathers the attention of the other men who all turn to look at him and one by one momentarily abandon their work to introduce themselves before Taehyung even has a chance to take a step towards the dining table and his assigned chair.

It’s a bit overwhelming, if he’s being honest and despite his best efforts, he can’t seem to remember much of anyone’s names. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” Taehyung manages to respond once introductions are over, “Thank you for having me over.” He adds with a bow that’s maybe too deep to be appropriate but he doesn’t want the others to think that he’s ungrateful.

“It’s no problem,” One of the men in the kitchen says, (Yoo-something? Taehyung can’t remember), “Take a seat, and we’ll bring the food over in a minute.” He smiles briefly before turning back to the stove and Taehyung is quick to follow the instructions, eager to not just be standing around awkwardly anymore.

Sure enough, it doesn’t take long for everyone to gather at the table and for the food to be brought over. The idle chatter around the table is companionable and the silence that descends once everyone begins to eat is equally so.

Taehyung takes small bites of food, complimenting the two men who prepared it but unwilling to upset his already queasy stomach further. Even in the calm silence, Taehyung can’t help but feel like an outsider. Ostracized from the rest of the party at the head of the table as he attempts to seem like he’s eating when his really just picking at the things on his plate.

“So, Taehyung,” Someone (Seokjin?) starts, “Jimin tells us you’re a dancer.” He says conversationally and, briefly, Taehyung wonders what else Jimin might have said.

“Yeah,” Taehyung clears his throat, “Ballet.” He adds, mentally patting himself on the back when his voice comes out natural sounding.

“He was in The Nutcracker we saw last weekend,” Hoseok chimes in, “I never did quite catch what part you played.” He says, tone sheepish as he looks at Taehyung inquisitively.

Taehyung swallows thickly, plasters on his most pleasant and nonchalant expression, and says,

“I play the part of The Nutcracker but, come to think of it, it might not have been me you saw last weekend. I’ve been taking a bit of a break lately.” He admits with a small embarrassed smile, trying to play off his discomfort but he’s not sure how well he succeeds.

“I can only imagine how taxing it must be to prepare for such a performance. I know from Jeongguk-ie here that it can take a lot out of someone both physically and mentally.” Seokjin frowns sympathetically, eyes sliding to the man sitting beside himself.

“Oh, you dance?” Taehyung asks the man in question, hoping that he can steer the conversation away from himself. In reality, even though it might be slightly rude, he doesn’t care much for the other’s answer. In fact, if they could talk about anything other than dance, he would be grateful.

“I do,” Jeongguk confirms, a shy smile on his lips and something that might be passion in his eyes but Taehyung isn’t sure. “I mostly work as an instructor nowadays but I do the occasional performance as well - Hip-hop mostly but I dabble in a little bit of everything.” He explains and Taehyung has to be very careful to keep from grimacing. 

Jeongguk speaks passionately, a clear excitement in his voice and a happy shine to his eyes, and it makes Taehyung so incredibly jealous that it even takes himself by surprise. After all, it’s not the first time he encounters people who love dance. He works with those people every day. But something about the way Jeongguk speaks makes Taehyung so unbelievably jealous he has to fight to keep from scowling.

“I see,” He says instead. He makes sure his expression is that of interest and that his voice doesn’t sound sarcastic but it’s a struggle. He’s about to inquire further (because that’s what a normal person would do) when he’s interrupted.

“Wait,” Jimin interjects, a deep frown on his face as he looks at Taehyung quizzically, “You’re taking a break? From dance?” He asks incredulously and Taehyung finds himself faltering. He doesn’t like Jimin’s tone, he doesn’t like the implication that seems to lie within it, but he doesn’t know what to say either.

“I-“ He starts because he needs to say something but Jimin isn’t done.

“You’re never not dancing,” Jimin continues and somehow his frown deepens, “Why are you suddenly taking a break?” He asks with utter bewilderment and Taehyung knows that he should pretend. He knows that he should dismiss and act like everything is fine and taking a break isn’t a big deal. But instead, he finds himself saying,

“I don’t know.” in a voice that sounds much more lost than he’d like to admit. 

Jimin keeps frowning and when Taehyung chances a quick glance at the surrounding people, he finds similar expressions on their faces. It occurs to Taehyung then that he perhaps isn’t as good at pretending as he had initially hoped. It also occurs to him that maybe he shouldn’t have come tonight.

As the silence goes on, Taehyung finds it harder and harder to keep eye contact and it doesn’t take long for his gaze to wander away and down to his still-full plate. Any other day he would appreciate the home-cooked meal, especially with the amount of time he’s been living off of instant meals as of late, but right now as he looks at the untouched food, it’s the most unappetizing thing he’s ever encountered. 

He really should have stayed home.

“What do you mean ‘you don’t know’?” Jimin questions and despite his previous bewilderment, his demeanor is much more subdued now, hesitant almost, as he regards Taehyung carefully.

“I just needed a break, you know?” Taehyung sighs with a small shrug. “I was tired.” He says in a way of explaining, picking up his chopsticks from where he’d laid them down and listlessly moving the food around his plate. The chopsticks scraping against the ceramic is the only sound in the room and belatedly, he realizes it must mean that the others have stopped eating as well. It makes him feel guilty.

“So, what you’re saying is that you ran yourself into the ground.” Jimin concludes, his voice both disapproving and disappointed and, for some reason, that makes Taehyung angry.

“Is that what you wanted to hear?” Taehyung taunts, a scowl finding its way onto his face. He knows he’s being unnecessarily rude but it’s like Jimin is trying to make him spell out how much of a failure he is in front of everyone, “Go on, Jimin, just say ‘I told you so’ and be done with it. Tell me how you were right all along and if I’d only listened to you, everything could have been prevented.” He goads scornfully. He doesn’t look up from his plate but he feels the way the atmosphere turns cold in the following silence.

Regret licks at his insides but there’s still a small flame of anger preventing him from apologizing.

“What’s going on, Taehyung? This isn’t like you.” Jimin sighs worriedly and the lack of bite in his voice has Taehyung immediately deflating. It feels like all the energy leaves him in one fell swoop and with the fight drained from him, he’s left more exhausted than ever.

“I’m just so tired,” He admits and he’s not proud of the way his voice trembles. He feels a lot like crying but he really doesn’t want to be that vulnerable in front of people he’s just met, so instead, he quickly says, “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

It sounds pleading even to his own ears and he hears Jimin sigh in response.

“Okay,” He acquiesces, “We don’t have to talk about it right now but we are talking about it later.” He adds firmly and Taehyung is too exhausted to do anything other than nod. He wonders faintly if that means that Jimin will want to see him again but he doesn’t dare hope.

The conversation picks up again around him but Taehyung can’t bring himself to participate. He listens to the others speak with half an ear but it’s difficult to pay attention when his mind is running a mile a minute with worry. He can’t slip the thought of how pathetic he must seem to everyone. He wishes he could have met Jimin again under different circumstances during a time when he isn’t slowly crumbling. He wishes they could have met and instead of falling apart, he would have been sure of himself and comfortable in the choices he made. Mostly he wishes that he could reassure Jimin that he’s okay instead of always causing problems.

He doesn’t notice that they’ve started clearing the table until someone comes to take his plate. 

“Come with me, Taehyung.” Jimin says then and when Taehyung finally lifts his gaze, he finds the other already looking back at him. 

Jimin doesn’t wait for him to respond as he gets up and walks towards a hallway that Taehyung hadn’t really noticed until now, and Taehyung, even though he’s significantly slower, finds himself following without question.

Jimin leads him to a bedroom in cool light blue tones where, once inside, he closes the door behind them before taking a seat on the bed in the middle of the room and patting the spot next to him.

“Talk to me, Taehyung.” He urges softly once Taehyung has taken a seat beside him. There’s a respectable distance between them that feels more like a chasm than anything else but Taehyung isn’t brave enough to move any closer. 

For a moment, Taehyung considers brushing it all off, pretending he’s just being dramatic and that there’s nothing to worry about, but he quickly comes to the conclusion that he can’t be bothered to do so. 

When Jimin left, Taehyung had no one. His parents have always been unable to comprehend his dislike for dance, scolding him when he expressed even the slightest bit of dissatisfaction with the path chosen for him. No, as long as they could meet up with their friends and brag about their son’s accomplishments in dance and his various prestigious achievements and performances, they were satisfied and if Taehyung so much as thought of whining, they’d be more than happy to remind him that not pursuing his talent would be a selfish act.

So, when Jimin left, Taehyung had no one on his side and maybe that’s why he decides to be honest. Because, he knows that if he isn’t, he’ll have no one on his side once again.

“I don’t know what to say.” He mumbles quietly after a long moment of silence. 

“Just start from the beginning.” Jimin instructs, his voice gentle and nothing like it had been at dinner and so, Taehyung does.

He tells him about how dance doesn’t just fill him with dread anymore but also makes his stomach ache with anxiety. He tells him how it’s been getting harder and harder to get out of bed to the point that, lately, he just doesn’t. He tells him how he doesn’t have much of an appetite anymore, skipping meals because there’s no point in preparing food if he’s not going to eat it anyway. And lastly, he tells him about his break which isn’t so much of a break as it’s just him not showing up to work, staying home with no explanation or justification to offer to the theater.

When he’s done talking, he doesn’t feel any lighter like he might have expected. Instead, saying it all out loud makes him realize just how worrying it all sounds. 

“You know you can’t go on like this, right?” Jimin asks quietly, tone steady despite the worry shining in his eyes. 

Taehyung nods but even then, he’s not sure what he’s supposed to do to make everything better. He’s been dancing for so long, he doesn’t know what else he can do. Besides, if he really does quit, he can kiss his relationship with his parents goodbye. 

“We’ll figure something out.” Jimin promises firmly, not the slightest bit of doubt in his voice which is good, Taehyung thinks. He has enough doubts for both of them.

That night, Jimin and his partner, Yoongi, drive him home. The car ride is silent except for Jimin and Yoongi’s quiet voices drifting from the front of the car but Taehyung doesn’t really care to listen in. Instead, he leans his head against the window and looks at the city of Seoul as it passes by. He’s so tired he’s pretty sure he could fall asleep right then and there but at the same time, the thought of getting home to his bed in his lonely apartment is not something he looks forward to. 

When the car pulls up outside his apartment complex and he’s jostled out of his daydreaming, Jimin turns to him with a small smile.

“Do you want me to walk you up?” He offers as if he can tell that the last thing Taehyung wants is to be alone right now. Still, he shakes his no. He doesn’t want to burden Jimin any further. 

“Thanks for dinner.” Taehyung murmurs. I’m sorry I ruined the mood, he wants to add but doesn’t because he knows that Jimin won’t tolerate that kind of attitude. 

“You’re welcome any time.” Yoongi responds and it sounds sincere enough that Taehyung doesn’t immediately dismiss it. 

“Thanks.” He mumbles instead before reaching for the car handle. 

“I’ll text you tomorrow, okay? We’ll figure it out, Taehyung.” Jimin promises once more just as Taehyung opens the door. 

He doesn’t quite know what to say to that so he merely gives a noncommittal hum and exits the car before walking towards the entrance of his apartment building with one last wave. 

By the time he steps inside his bedroom, he feels dead on his feet. The blanketing silence of his apartment is unsettling after being in the company of other people, surrounded by chatter and conversations. It’s a stark contrast and makes his own home seem almost eerie. 

He trudges towards his bed, feet nearly dragging along the floor, and feels tired beyond belief, unusually drained considering that all he did was have dinner.

He doesn’t want to think about that, though. He doesn’t want to worry if there might be something seriously wrong with him, if that’s why he’s always sleeping but never feels rested. 

So, he doesn’t. He closes his eyes and hopes that Jimin meant it when he said that they were going to figure everything out.

True to his words, Jimin does text him the next day. It’s a little past eleven in the morning but Taehyung has yet to leave his bed. The text is short and, for a moment, all Taehyung can do is blink at his phone incomprehensibly because, surely, that isn’t right. Surely, Jimin isn’t really on his way. Except he is, because not long after, there’s a ringing from the intercom and when Taehyung finally manages to drag himself out of bed and over to the device to answer, it’s Jimin’s voice that sounds from the speakers.

“Hello?” Taehyung questions hesitantly, voice groggy. 

“Hi, Taehyung!” Jimin greets, too bright for Taehyung's still sleep-laden brain, “Can you let us in? We brought breakfast!” He says, adding the last part as if he’s trying to persuade Taehyung but Taehyung doesn’t need any persuading, his hand already reaching for the button to unlock the door.

He stands there, staring blankly at his now silent intercom and listening to the footsteps and voices he can hear nearing out in the stairwell. He half expects to open the door and find no one there, half expects it all to be a dream, but when he opens his front door he sees Jimin and one of the men from yesterday.

“Hey, Taehyung.” Jimin smiles, “I brought Seokjin with me. I hope that’s okay.” He says, looking at Taehyung carefully. 

“We brought breakfast.” Seokjin adds quickly as if that’s the selling point, lifting a paper bag with a logo Taehyung vaguely identifies as the bakery further down the street.

“It’s fine.” Taehyung reassures before remembering that he has yet to invite them inside, “Please, come in.” He gives a small smile, that he hopes shows his gratitude, and moves aside for them to enter. 

It’s only once the door closes again, and Jimin and Seokjin are working on taking off their shoes and coats, that it occurs to Taehyung that his apartment isn’t exactly ‘guest friendly’. There are empty water bottles littered around and dirty dishes filling up the sink. There are clothes left on the floor and various other surfaces, and he hasn’t taken the trash out in a while which is now slowly accumulating and causing an unpleasant odor to permeate the apartment.

“Sorry about the mess,” He mumbles embarrassed, cheeks warming with shame, “I, uh, wasn’t really expecting anyone to come over.” He admits, looking at his feet because it’s easier than looking at the others’ expressions.

“That’s fine!” Seokjin reassures a little too cheerfully to be believable but Taehyung will take it. “We can help you tidy up a bit if you want, but we don’t mind. Right, Jimin?” He asks. 

“Right.” Jimin says but it sounds significantly less unbothered and distinctly more worried. “We should probably clear the sofa, though, and the coffee table. Just so we have a place to eat.” He adds and even though Taehyung isn’t looking at his face, he can hear the frown in his voice.

“Oh, of course, let me just-“ Taehyung attempts, feet rushing to the sofa in question only to stop short, embarrassingly overwhelmed at the simple task of cleaning up the small area.

As if he knows Taehyung’s exact dilemma, Seokjin easily steps forward.

“How about we just move the clothes into a pile on the floor for the time being and move the water bottles and plates to the kitchen to be taken care of later.” He suggests smoothly, already working on doing just that before he’s even finished speaking. 

“Yeah, okay.” Taehyung is quick to agree, grabbing the nearest article of clothing off the couch and adding it to the already sizable pile Seokjin has created on the floor. “I’m really sorry.” He adds softly a moment later but Seokjin merely smiles.

“It’s fine, I promise.” He reassures and, this time, he sounds much more composed, sincere in a way that’s actually believable, and Taehyung lets the gentle sound of his voice calm his frayed nerves.

“Jimin-ah, can you bring the food over?” Seokjin calls over his shoulder and at the mention of his former best friend, Taehyung turns to look at the man in question who still stands by the entrance with a thoughtful frown on his face, the deeply concerned expression making the shame in Taehyung resurface.

Taehyung knows that his apartment looks bad but when it's just been him here, he hasn’t really thought much of it, hasn’t exactly had the mental energy to. Except, now there are other people here to witness just how low he’s fallen that he can’t even manage to pick up after himself.

Jimin doesn’t say anything as he brings the bags from the bakery over to the coffee table and starts pulling out their purchases, but the furrow in his brow persists and it makes Taehyung feel bad.

“Stop with the heavy frowning.” Seokjin scolds, shooting Jimin a pointed look. 

“Sorry.” Jimin murmurs, having the decency to at least look a bit sheepish as he glances at Taehyung apologetically.

Taehyung doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t want to lie and say that it's okay when the truth is that he feels kind of horrible. So, he stays silent, focusing his attention on unpacking the various pastries. 

Fortunately, the silence following doesn’t last long as Seokjin goes on to describe each and every of the pastries as if he baked them himself, adding which ones he thinks Taehyung will like even though he doesn’t actually know his tastes. 

Taehyung nods, indulging Seokjin in his ramblings easily because it’s better than the awkwardness that would otherwise persist. It seems to work too because, soon enough, Jimin joins the conversation and any lingering tension seems to slowly dissipate. 

Seokjin and Jimin talk and banter and Taehyung finds himself quieting in the wake of their rambunctious company. The pastries are good and Seokjin is right about his predictions for Taehyung’s likes but Taehyung can only nibble slightly before he has to put them away. 

His lack of appetite seems to draw the others’ attention and, while they don’t outright comment, their eyes say it all and the atmosphere turns somber once more.

Jimin sighs sadly but when he turns towards Taehyung, there’s a fierce determination in his eyes.

“You need to eat.” He states, voice quiet but firm in a way that seems to mean he won’t take any arguments.

“I can’t.” Taehyung tries to protest anyway, but his words are soft and defeated and nowhere near as steadfast as he might have hoped. 

Jimin doesn’t say anything immediately but he gives him a long look, that makes Taehyung squirm slightly under its intensity, before he sighs once again.

“We need to talk about the theater then.” Jimin attempts instead, eyes boring into Taehyung as if daring him to object. “You’re not going back unless it’s to hand in your letter of resignation.” He declares and, this time, Taehyung doesn’t even bother arguing. It’s not like he wants to go back to the theater anyway. Still, the thought of quitting has something queasy twisting in his gut.

“What if they get mad?” Taehyung worries quietly. It’s been nagging him in the back of his mind for a while now. He doesn’t want to get yelled at or have to face anyone’s disappointment.

“Fuck what they think.” Jimin states, seemingly not needing any specification of who ‘they’ are. His words sound harsh, spoken with such anger and conviction that it momentarily stuns Taehyung. Even Seokjin seems a little taken aback. “Honestly, anyone who so much as thinks about saying anything to you, can go fuck themselves.” He adds, his gaze burning into Taehyung as if he’s trying to convince him with his eyes solely.

“But-“ Taehyung tries once he finds his voice again, only to be immediately interrupted.

“No buts.” Jimin interjects coolly, “I know you love them, Taehyung, but the way they treat you is not okay.” He says, voice only a little bit gentler than before.

Taehyung opens his mouth to protest but quickly finds that he doesn’t know what to say. Sure, his relationship with his parents might be skewed a little in their favor but the way Jimin phrases it as if they are abusive is simply untrue. 

Taehyung has always known of Jimin’s dislike of his parents but it’s always been subtle as if he’s been afraid of possibly offending Taehyung with his opinions. Clearly, he has no such reservations now. 

“They’re not bad people.” Taehyung argues, voice small, but even he knows that there’s no point in trying.

“Maybe.” Jimin says except he doesn’t sound like he believes so at all, “but they’re not good people either.” 

Taehyung doesn’t bother responding to that. He doesn’t want to argue anymore and he knows that no matter what either of them say, this is something he and Jimin won’t see eye to eye on.

“How about we start somewhere else, hm?” Seokjin suggests calmly when tension fills the following silence. He looks at Jimin meaningfully who, after a moment, seems to reluctantly relent the subject for now.

“Right,” Jimin nods, looking around the apartment with a newfound determination that makes Taehyung wary. “Don’t take this the wrong way, Taehyung, but living like this is, frankly, unacceptable.” He says and Taehyung can’t help the scoff that leaves him at those words. How can Jimin say that and not expect him to feel offended?

Jimin merely ignores the sound.

“We’ll start cleaning tomorrow.” He decides swiftly, “We’ll bring the others, that way it won’t take so long.” He nods to himself determinedly, looking to Seokjin for confirmation who at least has the decency to seem hesitant to agree without Taehyung’s opinion.

“Do I even get a say in any of this?” Taehyung frowns, feeling very much like he doesn’t. 

Jimin heaves a sigh.

“I don’t mean to overrule you, Taehyung, and if you really don’t want the others here then I won’t ask them to come but I won’t let you continue to live like this either.” He says and even if Taehyung wants to say that he doesn’t mind living like this, he knows that it would be a lie. He does mind. The mess in his head is enough on its own and living with literal mess around only serves to make him even more overwhelmed. Even then, admitting that feels like defeat, like weakness. He should be able to clean up after himself, after all.

“How about this,” Seokjin starts in a voice that’s significantly more soft than Jimin’s, “We won’t bring the others here tomorrow. Instead, it’ll just be the three of us. We can clean up and then order dinner afterward. Does that sound okay?” He asks, looking to Taehyung for confirmation and ignoring Jimin completely. It makes Taehyung feel significantly satisfied. 

“Okay.” He agrees and even if he’s not exactly happy about having to bother Jimin and his partners just because he can’t pull himself together enough to be a functioning adult, he feels grateful all the same that they’d go out of their way to help him like this. “Thank you.” He mumbles, pushing back his embarrassment to let them know as much.

“You’re welcome.” Seokjin responds before Jimin has a chance to say anything ridiculous like how he doesn’t need to thank them. Instead, Seokjin smoothly interjects him as if he knows that what Taehyung needs isn’t a moral speech about how they’re only doing the right thing, but instead for his gratefulness to be heard and acknowledged.

Taehyung gives him a small smile, ignoring Jimin’s huff from beside him. Seokjin merely winks back at him but it makes Taehyung feel a whole lot lighter. 

Seokjin and Jimin stay a little while longer before they inevitably have to leave, much to Jimin’s dismay. 

“We’ll see you tomorrow at ten, okay?” Jimin reminds for what might be the third time in just as many minutes.

“Yes, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Taehyung answers anyway because he knows that the other is just worried. 

“Don’t worry about buying cleaning supplies, we’ll bring everything.” Jimin adds as if he hasn’t already said so a couple of times already. Seokjin rolls his eyes.

“I think he got it, Jimin.” He says unimpressed, forcefully steering Jimin out the front door by his shoulders and shooting Taehyung an apologetic look that makes his lips pull up in a small smile despite himself. “Bye Taehyung-ssi.” Seokjin calls out one last time, as he guides a grumbling Jimin down the stairs.

“Tomorrow, Taehyung!” Jimin reminds again as he lets himself be led down and out of the building.

“See you tomorrow.” Taehyung replies, unable to stop the amused smile tugging at his lips. 

When the front door is closed and the apartment is once again blanketed in silence, Taehyung takes a deep breath. The ache in his stomach is gone for the first time in a while and even if there are still plenty of things to worry about, he decides that he doesn’t want to do that right now. Instead, with a tired yawn, he goes back to bed.

The next day, Jimin and Seokjin arrive with a bag of cleaning supplies each and, what Taehyung quickly deems to be, too high spirits. He watches them walk around the apartment in an initial inspection as they make a quick plan of action before, without much preamble, they swiftly get to work.

They work quickly and efficiently, and Taehyung tries to help and assist but he finds it difficult to keep up with them. Even when he tries to think ahead, it seems he’s always a bit too slow, and more often than not, he finds himself in the way rather than being helpful. 

“Hey, Taehyung?” Seokjin’s voice questions some amount of time later. Taehyung isn’t sure when they started speaking more casually to each other but he quite likes the informality.

“Yeah?” Taehyung asks from where he’s uselessly watching Jimin change the now brownish soap water that’s been used to clean the kitchen floor. He had tried to offer to change the water multiple times but every attempt had been easily dismissed by Jimin stating that he could handle it.

“Do you mind picking up some lunch? I’m getting kind of hungry.” Seokjin says, sending Taehyung a small smile over his shoulder. It’s an obvious attempt at getting him out of the apartment so he doesn't have to just stand around awkwardly anymore, and Taehyung takes the bait eagerly. 

“Of course.” He nods, gathering his wallet, phone, and keys before pulling on his coat, “Is there anything in particular that you guys want?”

“Just get whatever you think looks good.” Seokjin responds and so, with a determined nod, Taehyung heads out.

It doesn’t take long to walk to the sandwich shop a couple of streets over but the late autumn wind is biting and by the time he gets there, his cheeks and nose are red from the cold. He then spends the next twenty minutes contemplating his options (because picking out lunch for the people who so kindly insisted on cleaning his apartment, is serious business) before finally making the trip back home with three wrapped sandwiches packed snugly in a small paper bag. 

It takes him an hour in total from the moment he leaves to the moment he steps through the front door again but in that time, Seokjin and Jimin have managed to make remarkable progress. Taehyung can’t even be upset about the fact that it’s probably mostly due to the fact that he wasn’t around to be a nuisance, because as soon as he steps inside, Seokjin is happily chanting “Lunch, lunch, lunch.” while making grabby hands at the bag of food, and it makes Taehyung feel more accomplished than he has in years

He bites back a smile but the warm feeling swelling in his chest remains.

“So good.” Seokjin all but moans around a large bite of food before they’ve even taken a seat and this time, Taehyung is helpless to stop the smile he feels spreading on his lips while watching the elder as he eats with great fervor.

“Thanks for getting lunch, Taehyung.” Jimin smiles gratefully as he unwraps his own sandwich.

“You’re welcome.” Taehyung mumbles, feeling shy in the face of their thankfulness. It’s been a while since someone has seemed genuinely happy with his efforts.

They eat in silence, focusing on the food rather than making conversation but it’s so different from the usual silence that fills the apartment, that Taehyung doesn’t mind it. At some point, though, when the worst of their hunger has been satisfied and their chewing has slowed down a little, Jimin is the one to break the quietness that’s settled around them.

“So, I was thinking,” He starts casually but Taehyung can tell that his words are carefully picked out, “We should make a list.” He says, grabbing a napkin and wiping the corners of his lips.

“A list?” Seokjin questions around a mouth full of food.

“Yeah, of all the things that need to be done before Taehyung can start being happy again.” Jimin states simply, the words making Taehyung pause mid-chew as he turns to Jimin bewildered. He doesn’t get to say anything, though, before Seokjin chimes in,

“That’s… actually not a bad idea.” He admits much to Taehyung’s dismay. He had really been betting on Seokjin to not entertain Jimin’s ideas. “It might be nice to be able to cross things off, like a physical proof of how far you’ve come.” He explains, directing his words at Taehyung who can only look back at him in mild betrayal. 

“Exactly,” Jimin agrees with a little too much enthusiasm for Taehyung’s liking, “I think it will make everything a little less overwhelming too. You know, to have something tangible to ground you so you don’t lose track of the end goal.” He adds with a nod as if he’s agreeing with his own self.

“We could even make a moodboard.” Seokjin pipes up, and it seems that Jimin’s enthusiasm is contagious if the excitement in his voice is anything to go by. 

Taehyung can only sigh in defeat as the two go on to discuss moodboard ideas. He can’t even be mad at them because, for the first time in years, someone is looking out for him. If he’s being honest, he’s not even that opposed to the idea of a list (even if a whole moodboard does seem a little over the top). In fact, it might be nice to have goals for once in his life, something that he wants to do instead of something others want him to do. 

“What do you think, Taehyung?” Jimin asks, his voice pulling Taehyung from his internal musing.

“Okay.” He agrees, ignoring the way they both look at him in slight surprise at his easy acceptance. 

“Great!” Jimin exclaims with happiness written all over his features, “That’ll be your assignment then, while Seokjin and I finish cleaning. Make a list of all your goals, and then we’ll look at them together later.” He instructs before gathering up all the empty food wrappers and carrying them to the waste bin. He speaks decisively like he won’t take any arguments and maybe Taehyung should be bothered by, once again, not having a say in things but he’s not. Because Jimin isn’t demanding sacrifices. He isn’t demanding happiness in the way everyone else demands happiness from Taehyung like they want him to give it up. Instead, he’s encouraging it as if he’s talking a flower into blooming, convincing it that there’s purpose in blossoming, in thriving.

That’s why, when Seokjin glances at him as if to ask ‘is it okay?’, all Taehyung does is smile back reassuringly because, astonishingly, it is. For once, it’s okay.

It turns out that making a list of goals when you’ve never been allowed to have goals in the first place, is surprisingly difficult. 

Taehyung spends the entire afternoon while the others clean thinking of what exactly he wants to do in life yet he writes nothing down. For so long his life has been centered around dancing that he doesn’t remember what else he used to do. There hasn't exactly been time for hobbies or leisure activities and now he finds that he doesn’t even know what he likes to do anymore.

When Jimin and Seokjin join him again on the couch sometime later, they reassure him that he doesn’t have to know immediately and can figure things out as he goes but it does nothing to quell the quiet ache in his stomach that he feels slowly returning.

When it’s time for the others to leave, Taehyung makes sure to thank them profusely for their hard work which they lightly brush off before, with a quick goodbye and the promise of coming back soon, they leave him to his now sparkly clean apartment. 

The pain in his gut really returns with a vengeance then and despite not having eaten dinner yet, Taehyung heads to bed in the hopes that he’ll be able to sleep off at least some of the loneliness.

It feels nice to wake up in a clean and tidy apartment but without the mess, it also feels particularly empty. It makes the hollowness inside of him all the more prominent and even though he knows that he should be grateful to Jimin and Seokjin, he can’t help but miss the old state of his home a little bit. 

He spends the day in bed once again, trying to ignore the ever-persistent ache in his stomach and the worry and uncertainty of his future.

It’s only when the sky has started to darken again and his bladder feels like it might explode, that he gets up finally. The water bottle by his bed is empty and he makes a mental note to get a new one from the fridge on his way back. 

He doesn’t get that far, though, because as soon as he steps out of the bathroom, there’s a ringing noise from the intercom letting him know that someone wants into the building.

It turns out that when Jimin and Seokjin had said they’d be back ‘soon’, what they really meant was ‘tomorrow’. 

“Taehyung?” Seokjin’s voice sounds from the speakers when Taehyung answers the door phone.

“Seokjin-hyung?” He answers, tone as bewildered as he feels. He hadn’t expected the elder to come so soon nor to come here alone. So far Jimin has always been there whenever Taehyung has had to interact with any of his partners. It’s never just been one-on-one and, for a moment, Taehyung fears that they won’t get along without Jimin acting as a buffer.

“What are you doing here?” Taehyung asks not unkindly to which Seokjin laughs a little flustered before quickly recovering.

“Ah, you see, I went on a bit of a cooking spree and now we have way more food than we could possibly eat, so I thought I’d bring you some.” He answers, chipper as always but Taehyung can’t help the skeptical frown he immediately feels pulling at his features.

“More than six people can eat?” He questions doubtfully which Seokjin merely answers with an obnoxious “Yep!” and Taehyung can only sigh in slight exasperation.

“Okay.” He relents, pushing the button to let Seokjin in because he’s not going to reject the efforts the other obviously went through even though he doesn’t quite understand why he went through them.

Seokjin doesn’t respond but Taehyung hears the faint sound of the building door opening and closing followed by the sound of footsteps echoing out in the stairwell. 

“You didn’t have to.” Taehyung says lamely, unconvincingly, once Seokjin makes it up the final steps. Seokjin only smiles gently, handing over the bag of different-sized Tupperware. 

“I know.” He says simply, “But I wanted to. Besides, I’m already cooking for six people - what’s one more?” He winks, all playful and exaggerated, and despite his urge to protest further, Taehyung decides that he’s better off not arguing. 

“Thank you.” He says instead and hopes that Seokjin will be able to tell how much this means to him. 

Seokjin just nods his acknowledgment, something understanding in his eyes, and, at that moment, Taehyung is glad that the other came alone. Jimin means well but sometimes he brushes things off too easily, unwilling to accept thankfulness because “I’m just doing the bare minimum, Taehyung. Don’t thank me for that.”. And Taehyung knows that it comes from a place of care but sometimes he just wants his words to be heard and accepted as they are even if, to others, his thanks might be misplaced at times. 

“I made a lot so make sure you put some of it in the freezer or it will go bad, okay?” Seokjin instructs and Taehyung dutifully nods, feeling warm inside at the sight of what looks to be seven or eight Tupperware stacked carefully on top of each other inside the tote bag in his hands. 

“I will.” He promises, “Thank you, Seokjin-hyung. It really means a lot.” 

“You’re welcome.” Seokjin says as he turns to leave with the excuse of having to get to work which might be true but in the artificial lighting of the stairwell, Taehyung notices that his ears are suspiciously red. It makes him smile a little.

“Have a good day at work!” Taehyung calls out, to which Seokjin calls back a “See you soon, Taehyung-ah!” which has the smile on Taehyung’s lips widening at the casual address.

When Taehyung closes his front door again and walks to the kitchen to put away the food, he feels lighter than he has in a while. 

“I don’t know, Jimin.” Taehyung sighs, the slightest hint of exasperation in his voice as he pushes around the food on his plate.

They’re all gathered around Jimin and his partners’ large dining table. After Jimin had shown up at Taehyung’s apartment and all but dragged him home with him, he’s been on a constant roll of questions as to what Taehyung might want to do and suggestions for goals he can put on his list.

At first, Taehyung had indulged him, listening and contemplating each question and suggestion carefully. But now it’s been over an hour and Taehyung doesn’t know what he wants to do or put on his list and each time he has to tell Jimin as much, he feels a little more horrible and a little more hopeless.

In turn, Jimin has gotten more and more agitated too at each of Taehyung’s lacking responses.

“Come on, Taehyung, at least try to work with me.” Jimin huffs in frustration.

“I am trying.” Taehyung frowns, “I don’t know what you want me to tell you, Jimin.” He sighs tiredly as he puts down his chopsticks and leans back against the chair. It’s not like he’s being difficult on purpose, he just doesn’t know what to do. The uncertainty of it all is overwhelming and, if he’s being honest, Jimin’s constant pressure to figure everything out is suffocating.

Jimin opens his mouth but the words die in his throat when Namjoon puts a steadying hand on his shoulder, and he instead clenches his jaw.

“You don’t have to know everything right away, Taehyung.” Namjoon reassures with a pointed look in Jimin’s direction who deflates slightly at the silent scolding. “Maybe you can just take things slow, try things out at your own pace, and figure out your likes and dislikes.” He suggests calmly.

“I guess,” Taehyung mumbles and it does make him feel better to have some of the pressure taken off of him. “I just… I have wasted so much time already, I don’t want to waste anymore.” He admits quietly, eyes focused on his still half-full plate.

At his admission, he hears someone sigh. The sound is sad and guilty and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that it came from Jimin.

“I’m sorry, Taehyung.” Jimin says softly after a moment, “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, I just want to see you happy again as quickly as possible but I realize now that I’ve only been rushing you when you need time.” He explains and when Taehyung looks at him, the other looks so genuinely contrite that it makes him smile a little, feeling so incredibly thankful once again for having people looking out for him.

“I forgive you.” Taehyung smiles gently, waiting until Jimin gives a small smile in return before continuing, “I understand why you did it, I too want everything to be okay again, but it stresses me out when you keep asking all these questions that I can’t answer.” He admits as Jimin nods along seriously even if he looks more and more guilty with each word that Taehyung speaks. 

“Okay.” Jimin acknowledges, “I promise I’ll hold off on the question.” He swears with so much conviction that Taehyung can’t help the soft smile that tugs at his lips.

“Thank you.” He answers, “Can we talk about something else now?” He adds with a small embarrassed laugh and the others are quick to change the subject. 

Taehyung breathes a quiet sigh of relief, sharing a soft and tender look with Jimin before focusing on the conversation at hand. 

He has time, he reminds himself. He can worry about everything later.

Time, though, is such a finicky thing. There’s almost never as much of it as we want.

Taehyung spends the next few days eating the leftovers Yoongi had given him to bring home, and thinking about what things he might want to try out. Jimin or Seokjin or someone else brings him breakfast every morning despite Taehyung’s insistence that they don’t have to, and for the first time in a while, everything seems to be going smoothly.

But as the universal law states; what goes up, must come down.

Taehyung is looking through evening classes on SNU’s website when his phone rings. The theater stopped calling long ago and the only person who does call him is Jimin. So, Taehyung doesn’t really think much when he picks up the phone without looking at the ID, a greeting ready at the tip of his tongue.

The words die in his throat, though, when his mother’s voice filters through the speaker of his phone.

“Oh, good, you picked up.” Is the first thing she says as soon as he answers the call. “I was beginning to get worried.” Her tone is concerned but clipped as if she’s upset that he would ever worry her in the first place.

“Hi, mom.” Taehyung responds once he’s found his voice again. He feels himself start to sweat nervously and even if he knew that he’d have to face his parents eventually, he really doesn’t feel ready to do so now.

“Hi, honey, how are you?” She asks conversationally. Taehyung swallows harshly.

“I’m good.” He answers, sounding unsure and hesitant even to his own ears, “How are you guys?” He tries to deflect but if the following silence is anything to go by, he’s unsuccessful.

“How’s the theater?” His mother questions instead of answering, smoothly ignoring his previous inquiry as if he never said anything in the first place. It makes it feel more like an interrogation than anything else.

“It’s…” He trails off and even as the need to pretend rises within him, he finds himself reluctant to do so. Isn’t the whole point that he should start living for himself? How can he do that if he isn’t honest?

“I spoke to Minjung-ssi a couple days ago.” His mother says when Taehyung takes too long to continue, her voice pleasant in a superficial way that does not bode well for him, “She and her husband went to Seoul for a short trip recently. They saw The Nutcracker, you know. Of course, they only had good things to say.” She muses and Taehyung feels nauseous with nerves.

“So, Taehyung, how is everything with the theater?” She repeats her earlier question and, suddenly, all previous thoughts of being honest go out the window. 

“I-It’s fine.” He croaks after a moment, clearing his throat before repeating only the slightest bit more confidently, “It’s fine.” 

Unfortunately, his mother merely hums a displeased sound as if she knows that he’s lying.

“Are you unwell, Taehyung?” She asks with a disappointed sigh, “You haven’t called in a while and Minjung-ssi said that she didn’t see you at the performance.” Her cadence is soft and lulling the way it always is when she’s trying to get the truth out of him as if he’s a frightened animal that needs to be coaxed to safety.

Taehyung gulps anxiously, rubbing his free hand on his pajama pants and watching as barely-there sweat marks darken the light gray fabric.

“I… I haven’t been doing that well lately.” He admits quietly, vulnerable in a way that he knows is unacceptable.

“What’s wrong, Tae-ah?” His mother questions and despite the sympathy that Taehyung hears in her voice, he finds himself reluctant to answer. “Are you sick?” She asks and, to her credit, she really does sound worried now.

“I’m not sick.” Taehyung answers, hesitating long enough for his mother to say,

“Then what is it?” She sighs, sounding both relieved and disapproving. Taehyung winces at the tone but quickly realizes that he can’t drag it out much longer. His mother already knows something is up and there’s no way he can backtrack at this point.

“I think I’m going to quit the theater.” He manages to get out. His throat feels tight with nerves but his voice is even. “I kind of already did.” He adds and only then does he realize the truthfulness of that statement. Taehyung might be a good and highly valued dancer but there’s no way the theater will tolerate his sudden absence or inability to at least provide them with a proper explanation for said absence. Even if he did go back and explain, he severely doubts that there would be anything to go back to. 

“Why? I thought you liked the theater.” His mother says and even over the phone, Taehyung can hear the frown in her voice. He wants to tell her how he doesn’t like the theater and never has, how his colleagues all hate him, and how he feels miserable each time he steps into work. 

What he actually says is, “I think I’m going to stop dancing.” 

It starts like a statement but his voice peters out towards the end and his words end up sounding small, like a child that’s unsure of itself.

His mother sighs frustratedly.

“This again, Taehyung?” She tuts, disapproval clear in her tone, “I thought we talked about this.” She chides and Taehyung really does feel like a child again then, being lectured by his parents about his poor choice in dreams and career aspirations.

“Look, honey,” She starts sweetly and Taehyung wants to cry, “It sounds like you’re going through a rough time right now and that’s okay but don’t throw away your hard-earned work just because of that.” She scolds, yet her voice is soft and lilting, and as Taehyung looks at his computer screen still displaying the website of SNU’s evening classes, he can’t help but think that maybe she has a point. What was he even thinking? Throwing away his career like it’s nothing? Maybe he really has been acting recklessly but isn’t it too late now anyway? Besides, Taehyung doesn’t want to dance, he never did. He’s not just going through a rough patch or acting spontaneously. This has been a long time coming and he knows so.

“But I’m not happy, mom.” He argues softly, desperate to make her understand, as his heart beats wildly in his chest with anticipation. He’s not used to talking back, to speaking his opinions, and he fears the reaction it’ll get him on such a bone-deep level that it causes his hands to shake and he has to bite his lip to stop himself from taking it all back.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” His mother admonishes and, as if she realizes that softness won’t work on him, she turns her words harsh instead, “Dance is your life, it’s what you were born to do. Don’t be selfish and throw it all away because you’re a little emotional. What would you even do? You can’t do anything else, you have no degree!” She states rather brutally and it makes Taehyung feel like he’s nine years old again asking if he could try something else other than dance.

“I don’t have to know what I want to do right away.” Taehyung tries to reason, repeating Namjoon’s words to her, before adding, “Jimin said he’d help me-“

“Jimin? You’re seeing that boy again?” She snides, clicking her tongue with a humorless laugh, “Is he the one that put these silly ideas in your head, hm? I told you he’s a bad influence, Taehyung.” She chastises and Taehyung knows he should defend his friend but the words keep getting strangled in his throat and his eyes well with tears.

“I don’t want to dance.” He attempts instead once he’s able to speak again but, even then, his voice is unsteady and choked up.

“Don’t cry, Taehyung, you’re a grown man.” She huffs, annoyed as if he’s a child throwing a tantrum, “Tomorrow you will go to the theater, you’ll apologize for your irresponsible behavior, and you’ll get your job back. That’s final, do you understand?” She states with such conviction that, under any other circumstances, Taehyung would immediately agree.

Instead, he says,

“No.” with barely any momentum at all but it seems like he doesn’t need to if his mother’s outrage is anything to go by.

“Kim Taehyung!” She exclaims furiously, “I did not raise you to be like this!” She yells, voice shrill and unpleasant and despite not being in the same room as her, Taehyung finds himself cowering on instinct at the sound.

“You’ll do as I say or I will tell your father of your behavior and he won’t be as lenient as I have been, I can promise you that!” She threatens and Taehyung knows he should be afraid, and maybe he is a little bit, but mostly he just realizes that it doesn’t matter anymore. The bridge is already burning and as much as his brain is telling him to put out the fire, his heart is telling him ‘fuck it, let it burn to the ground’.

“I’ve made up my mind, mom.” He says, wiping his eyes with the collar of his t-shirt. “I’m not going to dance anymore and I’m sorry if that disappoints you but I just can’t do it.” He states as firmly as he can and then with a quiet goodbye, ignoring his mother’s indignant yell of “Kim Taehyung!”, he hangs up the phone.

The feeling that crashes into him once the call has ended and he’s once again left in the silence of his apartment is nothing short of devastation. He has the fleeting thought of calling Jimin and asking him to come over but the shame of being unable to defend the man against his mother, makes him decide against it. Instead, he turns his phone off so he doesn’t have to listen to it as his mother futilely tries to call him, closes his laptop, and then curls up on the couch.

When dinner rolls around he doesn’t heat up the leftovers that the others so graciously gave him, he doesn’t even get up at all. Instead, he curls into himself tighter, ignores the nausea rolling in his stomach, and goes to sleep.

Taehyung feels like something has been knocked loose inside his chest. Like something is out of order and each time he breathes, the thing rattles inside of him, pushing against and obstructing his lungs from fully expanding and digging into his heart, causing a painful ache to spread from the center of his chest and out into the rest of his body.

Taehyung feels like something deep inside of him is wrong, unnatural, as if something fundamental has been altered and now he doesn’t recognize who he is anymore.

His mother would probably call him dramatic but Taehyung has come to realize that his mother doesn’t actually know him that well, so who cares what she’d say. 

Still, the fact that his own mother doesn’t know him, or rather, doesn’t care enough to know him, makes him so terribly upset that half the time he doesn’t know what to do with himself. It’s unreasonable too, he knows it is, but whether he likes it or not she’s still his mother and, begrudgingly, he finds that despite everything, he still loves her. Even then, he’s starting to realize that maybe she isn’t deserving of his love and, more heartbreakingly, maybe she doesn’t love him back. 

For years, Taehyung had brushed Jimin off when the other tried to tell him that the way his parents treated him wasn’t right. For years, he refused to listen to Jimin as he tried to make him realize that the relationship he and his parents had wasn’t healthy or nurturing but instead, a transaction where Taehyung always got the short end of the stick.

He feels stupid to realize just how naive he’s been, thinking that if he just pretended everything was fine it would become reality. The world doesn’t work like that, he’s learned. He can’t just ignore his issues into going away but, even now, he’s still scared. It’s like the ground is disappearing beneath his feet and safety has become a pipe dream.

How can he face the world bravely when he can’t even get out of bed?

“Taehyung?” Jimin’s hesitant voice calls. 

Taehyung blinks his eyes open but he’s too tired to move. A floorboard creaks and, with confusion, he realizes that the sound came from inside the apartment but that can’t be right. No one other than himself has a key to his apartment but then there’s another creak and this time there’s no doubt in his mind that the sound came from the living room. 

“Taehyung?” Jimin’s voice sounds much closer now, his tone almost scared in a way that Taehyung doesn’t understand. 

He doesn’t remember closing his eyes again but then he’s blinking them open just as his bedroom door is pushed open.

Jimin locks gazes with him for only a moment, before his entire face falls, devastation written into every one of his features. 

“Oh, Taehyung.” He breathes sadly, taking slow steps towards the bed where Taehyung lies curled into a ball and then taking a seat on the edge of the mattress.

Neither of them speaks but there are quiet voices out in the living room that Taehyung doesn’t have the mental energy to wonder who belongs to. Instead, he stares at Jimin who looks back at him with so much emotion, none of which he’s able to immediately identify.

“What happened, Tae-ah?” Jimin murmurs softly and, faintly, Taehyung wonders what day it is. He can’t remember how long it’s been since the phone call with his mother. He can’t remember the last time he showered. He can’t even remember the last time he ate something.

“How are you here?” Is what he asks instead because it seems like the easier thing to tackle. His voice is a mere croak that Jimin probably wouldn’t have heard had the apartment not been this quiet. 

“You haven’t answered the door when we’ve come to visit in a while and your phone went straight to voicemail each time we tried to call you.” Jimin explains gently, pursing his lips as he regards Taehyung carefully before saying, “We had to ask the landlord to let us in. We were worried you might be hurt.” He adds, voice shaking slightly but his eyes stay stubbornly dry as if he’s refusing to cry. 

“Oh.” Taehyung whispers, understanding settling over him as he feels his own eyes welling with tears, “I’m not doing so well, Jimin.” He confesses hushed, biting his bottom lip to stop it from trembling but then Jimin's face crumbles miserably and Taehyung feels his own tears soaking the pillow beneath him. 

“You’ll be okay, Taehyung.” Jimin promises, reaching out a hand and combing his fingers through Taehyung’s greasy hair, “You’ll be okay.” He repeats as tears flow freely down his cheeks.

Taehyung sobs quietly then, heartbreak and hopelessness washing over him like a tidal wave but, through it all, is Jimin’s hand in his hair, caressing his head carefully, a solid pillar of support in the turbulent sea of emotions that overwhelms him.

Taehyung doesn’t really believe that he’ll be okay like Jimin seems adamant about convincing him of, but the sentiment is nice and he takes comfort in Jimin’s voice and the mumbled reassurances all the same because, right now, the alternative that this might be his life from now on, is too much to bear.

They stay that way until Taehyung’s tears dry, until his hitching breaths are replaced with occasional sniffles, and until someone knocks on the open bedroom door.

“Hey, Taehyung.” Seokjin says softly, somber in a way Taehyung hasn’t seen him like before.

“Hi.” Taehyung mumbles and maybe he should be embarrassed about having other people witness him in this state, but this is Seokjin. Seokjin, who has been nothing but kind and supportive, caring. Seokjin, who helped clean his apartment when he didn’t have to and they barely knew each other. Seokjin, who’s standing in the doorway, looking at them with concern but not pity.

“Are you hungry?” He asks gently and, despite the pain in his stomach as it churns with hunger, Taehyung finds himself shaking his head no. Seokjin purses his lips sympathetically, “I understand but maybe you should try to eat a little anyway? Just a couple of bites. I can make anything that you want or if you want takeout, I can go pick something up?” He suggests carefully as if he’s afraid of pushing Taehyung too hard but also unwilling to accept his answer. 

It’s a simple question, or at least it should be, but Taehyung feels horribly overwhelmed by all the choices and as the silence stretches on, that seems to become obvious to the others as well.

“How about I make you something light on the stomach?” Seokjin decides and despite it being phrased like a question, he seems to have made up his mind, “In the meantime, Jimin can help you wash up? You’ll feel much better in a clean set of clothes.” He suggests but he doesn’t let Taehyung answer before with one last look at Jimin, he turns and heads back to the living room and kitchen.

“Come on, Taehyungie.” Jimin murmurs gently, guiding him upright in bed. 

Taehyung wants to protest that he doesn’t need help and that he can wash up by himself, but his limbs feel like lead and the room spins as soon as he’s vertical. 

Jimin is patient, though, slowly helping him out of bed and to the bathroom at a pace that Taehyung can actually keep up with. The bathroom lights are bright and Taehyung shuts his eyes tightly at the offense. Once he’s able to keep them open without squinting, Jimin guides him to sit on the closed lid of the toilet as he putters around and prepares the bath.

From then on things go relatively smoothly. Jimin helps him undress and get into the bath because apparently Taehyung’s arms and legs seem to have forgotten how to work properly, and then he makes quick work of getting him clean. 

Taehyung wonders if he should be embarrassed but he’s too tired to really care and Jimin doesn’t seem particularly bothered, so he decides that he can worry about that later. Once he’s been rinsed off and Jimin has helped him into fresh pajamas, they migrate to the living room couch where Taehyung gets situated with a blanket.

Seokjin comes over with a bowl of what looks to be broth and a piece of bread shortly after. It smells good and despite the low simmering nausea, Taehyung can’t deny that he’s hungry beyond belief. He’s lost weight and even if doesn’t know exactly how much, it was enough for Jimin to frown in concern as he helped him wash.

Taehyung takes the bowl gratefully, mumbling a quiet thanks and nodding at Seokjin’s warning that it’s still hot and to be careful. But when the first spoonful hits his tongue, he realizes how starved he actually is and, quickly, he finds himself scarfing down the food.

“Be careful, you’ll upset your stomach if you eat too fast.” A voice, that belongs to neither Jimin nor Seokjin, says and it startles Taehyung enough that he momentarily forgets everything about eating.

Namjoon is sitting on a cushion on the floor and Taehyung wonders if the other has always been there and he just didn’t notice, or if he just showed up. 

“Hello.” Taehyung says dumbly, voice still quiet but Namjoon seems to hear him just fine judging by the gentle smile he sends him in response.

“Eat, Taehyung.” Jimin reminds from beside him when all Taehyung does is stare at Namjoon in slight wonder, “While it’s still warm.” 

“Yeah, okay.” Taehyung finds himself agreeing after a moment and then dutifully resumes eating albeit, at a much more reasonable pace.

The others are silent as he works his way through both the broth and the bread until the bowl is empty and Seokjin is holding out a glass of water for him to drink. Only then does Jimin speak, voice firm but in a quiet way as if he’s afraid he might spook Taehyung otherwise. 

“I think you should come stay with us for a while.” He says and it’s clear he’s already decided despite phrasing it like a suggestion and even if Taehyung wanted to argue, he can’t find a reason to do so. It’s clear that living by himself is something he’s not capable of doing at the moment even if that admission feels shameful. Because, in the eyes of the rest of the world, he’s an adult and therefore should be able to function as such. But for some reason, he can’t. His mother had called him emotional but Taehyung doesn’t think he is. If anything, he feels scooped clear of emotions. He can’t bring himself to feel sad when he’s so tired and while he knows it should be worrying, it feels more like a relief. 

“Okay.” He agrees in a whisper, sipping the water and tracing the condensation on the glass with the tip of his finger.

“Okay.” Jimin confirms and out of the corner of his eyes, Taehyung sees him nodding decisively. In the back of his mind, he worries if he’s inconveniencing them. He hopes he won’t become a burden but mostly, he’s just grateful that they want to help him because if they didn’t, Taehyung doesn’t know what would happen to him and, frankly, he doesn’t want to find out.

They help him pack his clothes and other essentials, and then, still in his pajamas, he’s guided down to the same car he remembers Yoongi and Jimin driving him home in after that first dinner.

The ride back to their apartment is quiet. A pop song is playing on the radio, the volume too low for him to distinguish the words, or maybe the lyrics just aren’t Korean. Taehyung doesn’t bother paying too much attention to the details anyway. The music is soft and light and alleviates the somber atmosphere that otherwise surrounds them.

As he listens to the lively notes, he wonders then, if maybe he should try learning an instrument. Then again, maybe it would be better to try something completely different from the artistic field.

Or maybe it would be best to not do anything at all for a while, to just regain his footing before he starts to walk again.

Living with the others is an adjustment but they do everything in their power to make the transition smooth. 

The first while is spent “recovering” as Jimin had called it which seems silly in Taehyung’s opinion because it isn’t like there’s anything to recover from. Jimin had argued that he was recovering from years of suffering and even if Taehyung thinks that that might be a bit of a dramatic way to put it, he also can’t deny that all these years spent pursuing something that has only ever made him miserable, has taken a toll on him. 

So, Taehyung “recovers”. Most days are spent in bed, waiting for the others to come back from work so he can stop feeling so alone, but some days like on the weekends are spent in the living room, watching movies or playing board games with the others. Those moments are the ones that keep him going, the moments where things seem okay.

Seokjin had made it his personal mission to make sure that he gained back the weight he had lost, prepping meals for Taehyung to heat up in his absence and checking once he got home that he had indeed eaten them. It has been because of these efforts that by the time the first week and a half had passed, Taehyung’s cheeks had once again rounded and his body had filled out healthily. 

The routine they have established where Taehyung stays home alone is fragile, though. The loneliness and uncertainties of the future rummage around his mind when the others are at work, threatening to consume him, and after the first month had passed, it was decided that Taehyung should no longer be left at home by himself.

“It will be good for you to get out of the apartment from time to time.” Jimin had said as they were gathered around the table for dinner, “ You could come with us to work if you want? It could be fun.” 

And so, Taehyung has done just that, alternating who he’ll accompany and, perhaps unintentionally, getting a taste of some of the other career options out there. 

In the beginning, it was hard. Getting out of bed and socializing with people he didn’t know was difficult and more often than not, Taehyung longed for his bed and the solitude of their apartment. But begrudgingly, he had to admit that Jimin had also been right; it felt good to not be by himself, worrying himself in circles. In fact, he quickly found that being put to work (even work where he felt way out of his depth) made him feel useful like he wasn’t just wasting away under his duvet and waiting for the days to pass.

Going to work with the others has been a welcome distraction, something to take his mind away from thoughts about his future and his relationship with his parents who he hasn’t heard from since Jimin asked him to move in (but that might have more to do with the fact that their numbers have been blocked rather than any decision on their part). Instead, he’s been throwing himself into whatever he can do to assist the others throughout their workday even if most of the time, all he can do is observe. The only ones who he’s actually able to help have been Hoseok and Seokjin (and Jeongguk, but Taehyung hasn’t been brave enough to accompany the youngest yet to his job as a dance instructor). 

Hoseok especially, goes out of his way to get  Taehyung’s input on whatever project he’s working on, encouraging him to speak his mind. Unfortunately, Taehyung knows next to nothing about being an event manager at a museum and even though Hoseok insists that it doesn’t take a degree to have ideas and opinions, Taehyung still feels a little uncertain when it comes to speaking freely like that.

That leaves Seokjin, Taehyung’s favorite to accompany. Seokjin works as a chef at a group home for adults with autism spectrum disorder. It had taken some time for him to get the OK to bring Taehyung along and for the staff to give the residents appropriate warning, but Taehyung loves it. Seokjin’s instructions are clear and easy to follow and when he’s cooking, Taehyung doesn’t feel like such a mess. The fact that he’s also actively helping to make a small difference in the lives of someone else, is just an added bonus.

The first day had, admittedly, been a little overwhelming. He had to answer a lot of questions from a handful of residents and even with Seokjin’s heads up that some of them might come off a little peculiar, he still found himself surprised and slightly taken aback by the, at times, downright obscure inquiries some of them had. After half an hour of questions and an overwhelming amount of what seemed to be random information, Seokjin had kindly but firmly announced that they’d have to continue the conversation later because he needed his assistant.

That had been the beginning of it and despite the sometimes strange social interactions that come along with accompanying Seokjin to work, Taehyung finds himself doing so more and more often. Jimin will complain that it’s because he likes Seokjin better but Taehyung knows that he’s just kidding, knows that deep down Jimin is aware that he likes all of them equally.

And therein lies another problem.

As Taehyung starts feeling better, as he becomes less overwhelmed and can focus beyond all the things going on in his head, he becomes able to notice things. 

He notices when Yoongi kisses Hoseok goodbye in the morning before leaving for work. He notices when Jeongguk and Seokjin hold hands on the weekly walks that Jimin insists they all partake in. And he notices Namjoon and Jimin as they huddle close on the couch and whisper in hushed voices for only them to hear, love and affection clear in their eyes as they share conversation.

He notices all of this and it makes something inside of him stir to life. Something he never dared consider or entertain because back then he didn’t have time and he didn’t have free will. 

For better or for worse, though, everything is different now. He’s not only allowed to want things but he’s also allowed to ask for said things. It’s been difficult but he’s been practicing. Even then, some things, he knows he can’t ask for and will never try to. Things that he knows will be too much for anyone to give him, and it’s for that exact reason that whenever he feels that something inside of him stirs to life, he squashes it down immediately. Because, at the end of the day, the others might be the most beautiful people he’s ever met but they aren’t his and Taehyung is okay with that. He’s never been greedy before and he won’t start now. 

Being their friend is more than enough.

It’s hard, though; existing in the same space as them, watching them love each other so beautifully, yet still being so far away. 

Back in the day when it was just him and Jimin, he’d watch then too and in the quiet hours of the night when no one could see him, he’d yearn as well. Because Jimin is lovely, he always has been, and Taehyung, even back then (perhaps especially back then), knew that he’d never be enough for someone like Jimin. Someone, who’s bright and fierce, compassionate and lovely. 

But these people; Yoongi, Seokjin, Hoseok, Namjoon, and Jeongguk - they are enough. They can do what he never could. They make Jimin happy. They love him like he deserves and as much as Taehyung wants to be a part of that, he knows that he can’t have it.

So, he contents himself with watching from the sidelines and tells himself that even just being a witness to love such as this, is special enough,

As the days pass, Taehyung’s life seems to fall into a comfortable routine and his heart seems to, at least somewhat, mend itself back together.

While it had been terrifying at first, quitting dance has been one of the best decisions he’s ever made. He feels free nowadays in a way he has never experienced before and it’s as liberating as it is invigorating.

He still goes with Seokjin to work and where it before was mostly a means to not be alone, he finds that he’s come to look forward to each day he gets to spend working in the kitchen of the group home. The residents are fun to be around and cooking and preparing meals is cathartic in a way he hasn’t ever experienced anything else to be. The director, a sweet older man, had even offered him a position as a paid kitchen assistant, 

“You’ve become quite popular around here, Taehyung-ssi. If you ever want a more permanent job at this place, just say the word - we’d love to have you officially join the team.”

It had made Taehyung more touched than was probably appropriate and after profusely thanking the director for the offer and promising that he’d think about it, he had fled to the bathroom for some privacy before he could do something embarrassing like start crying.

The point is that slowly but surely, Taehyung is doing better. He’s regaining some of the control that for so many years seemed like nothing more than a faraway dream and it’s empowering but it also opens doors to new worries.

Living with the others has been the change he so desperately needed and Taehyung will forever feel grateful for the others’ hospitality but as each day passes he also becomes increasingly aware that he’s living here on borrowed time. Because as generous as the others have been, Taehyung doesn’t want to take advantage of their kindness. 

Then there’s also the fact that staying here with them feels like it's slowly chipping away at his sanity, like he’s constantly being teased with everything that’ll always be just out of reach. Hopefully, moving out and creating some distance between him and them, will make the warm feelings in his chest dissipate or at least make them more manageable. Because at the moment, they make his heart clench uncomfortably with longing each time one of the others is near. 

So, after much internal debate about how exactly he should bring it up, Taehyung decides that the best course of action is to just be honest.

Although, it seems as if nothing in his life can ever go quite right.

The conversation around him flows as easily as ever and even if Taehyung knows that he’s free to speak his mind here, he still finds it difficult to do so. His parents never wanted to hear what he had to say and after a couple of years of trying to get someone to listen to him, Taehyung found it easier to just keep quiet. Why would he waste energy on something futile anyway?

It’s different around here, though, and even if Taehyung knows that these people aren’t like his parents, some habits are hard to break. 

“How was your day, Taehyung?” Yoongi asks and maybe Taehyung shouldn’t be surprised at this point, but he always finds himself slightly taken aback by the genuine interest in their voices. 

“It was good.” He answers, curt and without unnecessary details, the way he knows most people prefer. Except these aren't most people and when he looks up, he sees sincerity on Yoongi’s face as the man silently urges him to elaborate. It makes the warmth in Taehyung’s chest resurface and he’s reminded of the conversation he’s been trying to bring up.

“Actually,” He starts, eyes looking down at his plate so he won’t have to see their expressions as he tells them of his decision, “I've been thinking it might be time for me to move back to my own apartment soon.” 

For a moment, he’s proud of himself for the way his voice comes out steady but when all he’s met with is silence, he finds both his pride and bravery vanish into thin air. 

“Don’t get me wrong,” He adds quickly when the silence seems to stretch on, “I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me and I’m grateful that you would open your home to me, but I’ve been doing a lot better recently and I feel ready to move out now.” 

“It sounds like you’ve really thought it through,” Yoongi acknowledges after a moment, “I think I speak for everybody when I say that we’re really proud of how far you’ve come and how brave you’ve been.” He pauses but when Taehyung takes a glance at his face, Yoongi isn’t looking at him. Instead, his eyes are focused on Jimin, a silent conversation between them that Taehyung can’t decipher.

“If you think that this is the next step for you and you’re sure that you’re ready, we’ll do everything we can to support you.” Yoongi continues, gaze drifting away from Jimin and a smile on his face that’s warm and open and has Taehyung slumping slightly in relief. He hadn’t realized just how tense he had actually been until he feels his muscles relax as the others chime in their agreement.

“Thank you.” Taehyung whispers sincerely, feeling like a weight has just been lifted off his shoulders. Even then, his heart still feels heavy. There’s a deafening silence coming from beside him where Jimin sits and despite Yoongi saying that he spoke for everyone when he said that they’d support him, he can’t help but feel like Jimin’s silence implies otherwise.

That night when Taehyung has gone to bed, there’s a knock on his bedroom door. It’s late, almost eleven, and the apartment has gone quiet and the sky has turned dark. 

“Taehyung-ah?” Jimin’s muffled voice sounds loud in the stillness of the late evening, but when Taehyung opens the door, the other looks small and uncertain. “Can I come in for a moment?” He questions with a barely-there smile, to which Taehyung merely steps aside. 

As Jimin walks inside with a mumbled thanks, Taehyung notices that he looks tense and it makes a heavy stone of dread settle in his stomach. He has no idea as to what he owes this impromptu visit but he’s pretty sure that it isn’t anything good.

Jimin takes a seat on the foot of the bed and, after closing the door, Taehyung sits down beside him. 

There’s silence then and something heavy in the air between them that makes it feel like the entire apartment is holding its breath.

“I thought it’d be easiest to ask this without the others here.” Jimin starts in a voice that’s only slightly above a whisper yet Taehyung hears him perfectly well, “The others, they really care about you and I think you care about them too. I just… I don’t want anyone to get hurt so I thought it’d be better to talk about it before that could happen.” He explains but Taehyung isn’t following. He doesn’t understand what Jimin is talking about. Still, there’s a seriousness to the other’s tone that makes cold sweat form on his body.

“Talk about what?” Taehyung finds himself questioning hesitantly. Up until that moment, neither of them have looked each other in the eyes, but then Jimin turns to him, gaze attentive and filled with something Taehyung doesn’t know what is, and says,

“Do you like them, Taehyung?” 

His voice is so painfully serious that Taehyung feels like he just got asked if he committed a terrible crime. Looking at Jimin’s face, it kind of feels like he did. 

Taehyung doesn’t answer. There’s an ache suddenly churning in his stomach, violent enough to make him nauseous, and he’s pretty sure that if he opened his mouth right now, he’d vomit.

Despite sitting in front of someone who he has spent most of his life with, he can’t read the look on Jimin’s face. He can’t figure out what the right answer is. The truth would be to say, ‘yes, I like them’ but Taehyung doesn’t know if that’s the right thing to do. Jimin had said he wanted to avoid anyone getting hurt but Taehyung doesn’t know what that specifically means. 

As it turns out, he doesn’t need to say anything because, as opposed to Taehyung, Jimin seems to have no problem reading him. 

“I see.” Is all Jimin says in response to his silence, lips pressed into a thin line, and, with embarrassment, Taehyung realizes that he was right all along; there was never a chance for him to be a part of their love. “I’ll drive you back to your apartment tomorrow then.” Jimin states, and Taehyung can only nod, feeling as if he really just admitted to committing a murder. 

As Jimin gets up and walks towards the door, all Taehyung wants to do is stop him from leaving, to reach out and explain and apologize because he didn’t mean to fall in love. He didn’t mean for these feelings to take root in his heart. 

In the end, he ends up saying nothing. Instead, he watches with increasing devastation as Jimin leaves with only a quiet whisper of goodnight.

Waking up the next morning to the memory of the conversation the night before is an awful experience and if it wasn’t for the fact that he’s going back to his own apartment today, Taehyung probably wouldn’t even get out of bed. 

As it is, he doesn’t have that luxury. Jimin had been clear that his time here was up, and Taehyung has no desire to be in the way any longer. So, he gets up, packs all of his belongings, and then heads out of his room and down the hallway toward where the others have gathered for breakfast.

“Oh, Taehyung, good morning!” Hoseok exclaims, surprise evident in his voice as he regards Taehyung and his fully packed luggage carefully. The greeting gathers the attention of the others who all look at him with various degrees of confusion at the sight of his suitcase. “Are you going somewhere?” Hoseok asks after a moment.

“I’m going back to my apartment.” Taehyung answers evenly despite the slight bitterness he feels at the statement.

“Oh.” Hoseok says, sharing a brief glance with the others that Taehyung doesn’t understand the meaning of and he hates it. He hates the way the others will communicate without words, leaving him to try and put together the pieces of a puzzle he was never privy to see the full picture of in the first place. 

“You’re leaving now?” Yoongi questions with a frown, his voice sounding displeased for reasons Taehyung doesn’t get.

Taehyung doesn’t answer immediately. Instead, his eyes find Jimin’s gaze who stares back at him in scrutiny. His face is unreadable, lips pursed and brows furrowed slightly, but he doesn’t object, which Taehyung assumes to mean that he doesn’t have any objections.

So, with a nod, Taehyung looks back at Yoongi and says, “Yes, I’m leaving now.”. 

The response makes Yoongi’s frown deepen but Taehyung doesn’t know what to do about that and instead, he turns to bow at the group as a whole.

“Thank you for taking me in and taking care of me. I will forever be grateful to you and if there’s ever anything I can do to repay you, please let me know.” He proclaims earnestly, holding the position for a moment longer before finally straightening up. 

The others look at him with uncertainty for a second, as if they don’t quite know what to say, before Namjoon finally stands up from his seat and walks around the table to pull Taehyung into a hug.

“Take care of yourself, Taehyungie.” He mumbles, pulling back with a small smile before Taehyung even has the chance to register what is happening or think about hugging back. 

The action seems to shake the others out of their stupor, though, because in the next moment, they’re all walking forward to each pull him into a hug of their own, mumbles of support on their lips. They tell him they’re proud of him and that he’s always welcome but when Taehyung looks at Jimin who has yet to get up from his chair, he can’t help but think that it feels more like a goodbye. After all, Jimin, despite not outright saying it, had made it quite clear that Taehyung’s feelings weren’t welcome and it was time for him to go back to his own place. 

Taehyung doubts he will see much of any of them moving forward.

When Jimin finally does get up from his seat, he doesn’t approach Taehyung. Instead, he merely says, “Come on, Taehyung. I’ll drive you.” Before, with one last meaningful look towards the others, he turns around and heads towards the front entrance. 

“Take care, Taehyung.” Seokjin says softly as Taehyung grabs the handle of his suitcase and goes to follow Jimin.

“You can call us anytime, hyung.” Jeongguk pipes up and even if Taehyung knows that there’s no way he’ll ever do that, the sentiment is nice and he shoots a brief grateful smile over his shoulder, giving a short wave with his free hand. 

Jimin is already in shoes and a coat when Taehyung gets to the front door, waiting silently for him to get his own shoes on. Taehyung tries not to think about how the other seems almost eager to be rid of him. 

The elevator ride down to the underground parking garage is silent. It’s heavy and oppressive but even if he wanted to speak, Taehyung wouldn’t know what to say. As it is, he has no interest in speaking. He knows he would probably just end up saying something he’d regret, anyway.

Jimin doesn’t seem to be interested in talking either. It’s only once they’re in the car and driving towards Taehyung’s apartment that the silence comes to an end.

“You didn’t have to leave first thing in the morning.” Jimin says quietly and Taehyung barely refrains from rolling his eyes. Why would he stay somewhere where he obviously isn’t welcome anymore?

“Yeah, well, I thought it’d be best to get out of your hair as quickly as possible.” He responds. He thinks he manages to keep the bite out of his voice but Jimin seems to catch it anyway.

“It’s not like that, Taehyung.” He sighs, “I just-“ 

“I get it.” Taehyung cuts him off, “You don’t need to explain.” He looks out the window at the scenery passing by but, even then, he can feel Jimin’s eyes bore into him. He doesn’t dare glance back, afraid of what he might see in the other’s expression, and the conversation ends there.

When they get to his apartment complex, Taehyung silently moves to get out of the car when a hand on his arm stops him.

“Taehyung, this doesn’t-“

“Don’t, Jimin.” He interrupts, glancing back at the other coolly. There’s hurt in Jimin’s eyes, then, and the briefest flash of anger before he removes his hand from Taehyung’s shoulder without a word.

Taehyung doesn’t linger after that. He swiftly exits the car, grabs his luggage, and then heads inside his building, feeling just as lost as he did a couple of months ago.

Taehyung had fully intended to distance himself, he really had, but, for some reason, the others seem persistent not to let him. The group chat is as active as ever and Taehyung quickly learns that not answering their messages will only lead to them showing up on his doorstep. 

(“I thought something might have happened, Taehyung-ah.” Seokjin says worriedly, face pulled into a frown, “We haven’t heard a peep from you in the last two days.” He adds and it makes Taehyung feel so incredibly guilty.

“Sorry, Jin-hyung.” He mumbles, “I will try to respond in a timely manner from here on out.” 

He keeps his eyes downcast and hopes that if he makes sure to look chastised enough, the elder won’t ask for the reason why he hasn’t messaged them back.

“You better.” Is all Seokjin says after a long moment, and Taehyung breathes a quiet sigh of relief.)

So, Taehyung compromises. He keeps texting them and is active in the group chat but he doesn’t visit their apartment and he doesn’t invite the others to his place either. It works for a while and even if his excuses for not hanging out with them are flimsy at best (especially considering he doesn’t have a day job or other friends to take up his time), the others don’t ask questions but instead, give him space. Taehyung doesn’t know whether he feels grateful for that or not.

Unfortunately, he can only make so many excuses before the others become suspicious.

Taehyung should be used to the unexpected visits but it never fails to take him by surprise each time one or more of the others show up at his doorstep unannounced and, at the sight of Hoseok’s and Yoongi’s expressions, he quickly realizes that this visit in particular is far from the usual welfare check. 

“Hi, Taehyung.” Hoseok greets with a small hesitant smile, “I hope we aren’t interrupting.” He says and the uncertainty in his voice, as if he’s afraid they might get turned away, makes Taehyung wince internally. 

Yoongi barely even offers a smile at all, face pulled into a frown.

“Of course not.” Taehyung answers as if it’s obvious before realizing that, with the way he’s been turning them down lately, it’s probably the furthest thing from obvious. “Come in.” He invites subdued as he opens the door wider for them to enter.

Looking at the other two’s hesitation, he realizes then how immature he’s been acting. He had told them he was thankful but he hasn’t shown the tiniest bit of gratitude with the way he’s been behaving lately. Instead, he’s been essentially ghosting them, only answering their messages once they’d called him out on it. They had invited him into their home and helped him get back on his feet, and how does he thank them? By ignoring them? By pretending he has better things to do than spending time with them when in reality he has nothing but time?  And then thinking that they’d be okay with that? How naive of him.

“How have you been?” Hoseok asks once they’ve gotten situated in the living room, “I feel like we haven’t talked in ages.” He says with a small smile that falls away again too quickly to be genuine. 

“We talked yesterday. I wrote in the group chat.” Taehyung defends but his voice is quiet, guilty, because he knows that those interactions don’t count. Not when the messages in question merely consist of the occasional laughing emoji as the others’ banter or the obligatory ‘i’m good’ in response to the question of how he’s doing.

Hoseok merely nods, expression contemplating.

“I guess that’s true.” He allows after a moment, “But even then, I feel like we haven’t really talked in a while, you know?” He adds not unkindly, before glancing towards Yoongi. They share a look that Taehyung, once again, isn’t privy to the meaning of and it reminds him of the very reason he tried to cut contact in the first place.

“I’m sorry if we’re overstepping but we’re just worried about you.” Hoseok continues a long second later, “You’ve seemed kind of distant since moving out. I guess we’re just worried that you’re struggling again?” He adds, tone rising slightly in question as he looks at Taehyung worriedly. 

If that doesn’t make Taehyung feel like the biggest jerk, he doesn’t know what will. Here he’s been, avoiding them and not treating them like a friend should at all, while they’ve been worried about him? It makes him feel selfish which, he supposes, is fitting since that’s exactly how he’s been acting as well. 

Even then, a small part of him is still confused because hadn’t Jimin made it clear that his time with them was up? After all, he had basically kicked Taehyung out of the apartment after finding out about his feelings.

“I’m sorry.” Taehyung apologizes anyway because, either way, he realizes now that that doesn’t change the fact that his treatment of them has still been wrong. “I guess I just needed some space?” He explains but it sounds like a question and he shrinks a little into himself.

“Did we do something wrong?” Yoongi asks, speaking for the first time and his frown sounds evident even in his voice. 

“I- no?” Taehyung answers but it doesn’t sound reassuring. Instead, he lets the confusion he feels bleed into his voice because why would they think they did something wrong? If anything, he’s the one in the wrong. 

It occurs to him then, that perhaps Jimin hasn’t told them of their late-night conversation. Perhaps the other decided to keep quiet and spare his dignity. It makes him a little angry to think about. Why would Jimin kick him out and not tell the others? Why would he make it seem like Taehyung left completely of his own volition?

“Haven’t Jimin told you?” He asks then when it becomes obvious that they clearly aren’t on the same page. Jimin had given him the impression that his interactions with them were over but here the others are, insisting that they stay in contact. It’s confusing.

Hoseok and Yoongi share a brief glance, both of their faces now pulled into deep frowns.

“Told us what?” Yoongi demands, confused, and Taehyung sighs.

“You should talk to Jimin.” He says in answer, feeling suddenly tired. He realizes then that maybe it’s just Jimin who doesn’t want anything to do with him anymore. After all, even as the others have visited and messaged him, Jimin has been suspiciously silent. 

“About what?” Yoongi attempts to inquire but Taehyung merely shakes his head.

“I don’t want to have to explain everything again. Just…” He sighs, “Ask Jimin about what we talked about before I left.” He says but even then, there’s nothing he wants less than for his feelings to be a topic of discussion between the others. 

“Okay.” Hoseok accepts after a moment, probably sensing that Taehyung isn’t going to elaborate further, “We’ll talk to Jimin.” 

Taehyung nods quietly and the conversation dies there. He doesn’t want to talk anymore, doesn’t want to hash over everything again or pretend that everything is fine when, in reality, it’s only a matter of time until the others decide that cutting off communication with him really is for the best. 

“We’ll get going then.” Hoseok says, nudging Yoongi who continues to frown but does get up as instructed. 

Taehyung follows them to the door. He gives them a small smile that, judging by the other’s expressions, must fall flat, and then opts to watch in silence as they put on their shoes and coats. 

Saying goodbye to the others is a bittersweet experience because, despite Hoseok’s and Yoongi’s assurances that they’ll visit again soon, there’s something about the whole interaction that feels final, as if they won’t see each other again. 

Taehyung closes his front door softly and, for a brief selfish moment, he hopes that they’ll fight for him, that they’ll convince Jimin that they can still be friends, that they’ll come back to him. 

He knows, though, that he’s been selfish enough lately. First by quitting dance and then cutting ties with his family. He knows that at some point, his good fortune will run out. He just hopes that that point isn’t now.

The next day arrives quicker than Taehyung might have wanted and with it comes the realization that, despite his own foolish hope that the others would fight for him, no one has contacted him since Yoongi and Hoseok walked out of his apartment the day before. It’s an aching reminder of the fact that even if the others have previously been generous enough to help him, they’ll always prioritize each other first. 

If anything, Taehyung has been naive to think that he held as much importance to them as they did to each other. After all, what is a friend compared to a significant other?

Maybe it wouldn’t hurt as much if the others weren’t the only people he has in his life. Maybe it would be more manageable if he had someone else he could lean on. But, the fact of the matter is, he doesn’t. 

Taehyung is on his own and despite that being his normal for the past five years, he finds it infinitely harder to deal with this time around after he’s had a taste of what companionship is like. 

If he’s being honest, it makes him feel all different kinds of awful. After all, what functioning adult is so desperately dependent on other people that they can’t function without them? If anything, he resembles a child more than anything.

He supposes that’s not entirely his own fault, though. For so many years, he’s been living under his parents’ orders and expectations without any opportunity to live for himself or make his own decisions, and even if that never made him happy, it did make him used to relying on other people telling him what to do. While Jimin and the others never decided things for him, he’s come to realize that he’s been relying just as heavily on their gentle guidance all the same.

Now, though, there’s neither gentle guidance nor the strict expectations of his parents. In fact, there’s no one and it leaves Taehyung feeling so incredibly unmoored that he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He’s never really learned to make his own decisions, has never really had the opportunity to, and without anyone to nudge him in a certain direction, he finds that not only does he feel lost, but he also feels incredibly alone.

It almost makes him miss dancing at the theater because at least then he’d know what to expect. Even then, the idea of missing the very thing that’s caused him nothing but misery makes guilt churn in his stomach because wouldn’t that mean he’s betraying his promise to the others of not going back? Wouldn’t he be undoing all the progress they so kindly helped him make?

He decides then that, even if the thought of the others abandoning him hurts, he can’t let it destroy him. He’ll take whatever breadcrumbs of companionship they are willing to offer and he’ll do so with a smile on his face because he’s an adult and no matter how much he wishes that they could all be something more, he can’t allow himself to make this define him.

So, with his mind made up, Taehyung starts planning. He revisits SNU’s website, signs up for a couple of evening classes, and starts putting together a resume for his inevitable job hunt because there’s no way he can continue working alongside Seokjin if they don’t want to stay friends.

Having a concrete plan makes him feel a little better and even if it’s not exactly the plan he hoped for, it makes him feel more put together than he has in a while. 

By the time dinner rolls around, he has even managed to convince himself that, while it won’t be easy, everything will be fine with time. It’s a finicky belief, though, and as he hears the door phone ring, he finds that, despite his previous attempts at optimism, he feels himself wavering in the face of the upcoming confrontation.

“Hello?” He speaks into the receiver, hesitant and unsure. A small part of him almost hopes that it’s someone else asking for entrance to the building, just so that he can delay the inevitable a little while longer. Unfortunately, it is unmistakably Hoseok’s voice that filters through the speaker.

“Hey, Taehyung. Is it okay if we come up?” He asks as if Taehyung could ever deny them.

“Okay.” Taehyung answers, voice sounding smaller than he had intended, before pressing the button to let them inside the building. 

As he listens to the sound of the others as they ascend the stairs, he becomes acutely aware that it isn’t just Hoseok and Yoongi that’s making their way to his front door. There are multiple sets of footsteps, more than Taehyung is able to discern, and it makes his nerves skyrocket. He doesn’t have much time to panic or fret, though, because, soon enough, the footsteps stop outside his apartment, and then there’s knocking on his front door.

Taehyung takes a deep breath to ground himself and then, before he can start to overthink, he walks over to let the others in.

“Hey, Taehyung.” Hoseok greets with a small smile as Taehyung blinks stunned at the men standing before him. “Sorry for showing up so suddenly but we thought it would be best to clear everything up as soon as possible.” He explains but Taehyung is still stuck on the fact that not only did they come back, they came back all six.

“Can we come in?” Seokjin asks when a moment passes and Taehyung still hasn’t moved or invited them in. The request shakes Taehyung out of his stupor and he hastily steps aside to make room for them to enter.

“Of course!” He rushes to reassure but his voice sounds too loud and he immediately shrinks into himself with a slight wince.

“Thanks.” Seokjin merely smiles gently before, one by one, they all start filing into the apartment.

Taehyung watches them with slowly rising trepidation in his chest. Each of them wears small subdued smiles, as if they want to reassure him but can’t fully bring themselves to do so. 

Jimin is the last one to enter and Taehyung can’t help the way he finds himself staring at the other with something akin to shock. He hasn’t seen nor heard from Jimin since moving out and a part of him was convinced he would never hear from the other again. Yet, here Jimin is, shuffling off his shoes and giving Taehyung an uncertain, hesitant grimace, that’s probably supposed to be a smile, as he passes by.

They all gather in the living room, squeezing onto the couch or taking seats on the plush rug by the coffee table. Taehyung is the last to join after closing the front door and, as he watches the others sit idly, he can’t help how strange it feels to have them all here. 

No one says anything as he moves to sit on the rug beside Yoongi but Taehyung doesn’t miss the way they still seem to converse with their eyes. It’s as subtle as always but it still never fails to make Taehyung feel left out. 

“So, Taehyung,” Hoseok starts, glancing around at the others briefly, “It seems there might have been some miscommunication and we thought it’d best to clear that up as quickly as possible and make sure we’re all on the same page.” He explains and while his voice is steady, there’s something uncertain in his expression as if he too is nervous about the situation. 

“Right.” Taehyung nods but, even then, he isn’t completely sure he understands what Hoseok means. From his perspective, Jimin had made it clear in no uncertain terms that his feelings were not reciprocated and, therefore, he could not stay with them any longer. He doesn’t necessarily think there’s much to misunderstand in that regard but he also doesn’t want to seem disagreeable.

“Alright, so we talked to Jimin about the conversation you two had before you moved out but we’d like to hear your version of what happened.” Hoseok urges carefully, a small smile on his lips as he looks at Taehyung imploringly. 

Taehyung nods but he doesn’t speak right away. He isn’t sure what he should even say. It’s one thing to confess to Jimin but it’s another thing to confess to all of them at the same time.

“Jimin just asked if I liked you,” He begins as nonchalantly as possible but he quickly finds that it’s difficult to pretend that everything is okay when his heart feels like it’s about to beat out of his chest. 

“Then what happened?” Yoongi prompts when Taehyung doesn’t continue. 

“I…” Taehyung hesitates, before croaking, “Is this really necessary?” It feels like a cruel joke; getting him to admit his feelings in front of all of them, and despite telling himself that they wouldn’t do that to him, that they aren’t those types of people, he isn’t quite able to reassure himself.

“I think it is.” Seokjin answers gently, “But I understand why this might be difficult. Perhaps Jimin can tell his side of the story first and you can tell us whether that matches yours or not?” He suggests, his voice calm and expression understanding. It makes Taehyung breathe a quiet sigh of relief.

“If that’s okay..” Taehyung agrees, trailing off as he glances at Jimin for confirmation.

Jimin just nods, face pulled into an expression Taehyung doesn’t know how to interpret, before he begins talking.

“I went to talk to you because I wanted to make sure no one got hurt,” He starts, looking directly at Taehyung with a slight wince and Taehyung can guess why. Obviously, it didn’t work; people got hurt anyway.

“What does that mean?” Taehyung interjects before he can think better of it, “You said the same thing that night but I don’t understand.” He frowns as he glances around at the others in question. 

“I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page.” Jimin explains but Taehyung feels none the wiser. “Which is why I asked you whether you had feelings for us or not. I was trying to avoid misunderstandings.” He sighs frustratedly. 

Taehyung watches him with slight nausea churning in his gut. From his point of view that night, there was no misunderstanding. In fact, he got a pretty clear point of where they stood. However, as he looks at Jimin now, he feels trepidation slowly rising in his chest because, clearly, he’s missing something.

“I asked you if you liked them, if you liked me, and you didn’t say anything.” Jimin continues, his voice sounding pained as he speaks, “I thought that meant you didn’t.” He confesses and Taehyung feels something around his heart tighten uncomfortably as he sits frozen in place because, surely, that isn’t right. Surely, he must have heard wrong. After all, there’s no way he’s been this miserable for the past couple of weeks simply because Jimin thought he knew his feelings.

“You looked so uncomfortable after I asked, and I assumed that meant you didn’t see us like that.” The other elaborates with a frown.

Taehyung presses his lips together tightly and takes a deep breath to control the low simmering anger he’s starting to feel. He doesn’t want to lash out and say things he might regret.

“I was uncomfortable.” He says, voice strained. “You put me on the spot.” He explains but he doesn’t quite manage to keep the accusatory tone at bay. 

“You could have told me. You didn’t say anything.” Jimin defends, his frown deepening.

“Because you put me on the spot!” Taehyung accuses, voice rising as the anger bubbles over, “What was I supposed to say, Jimin? You came to me talking about how you didn’t want anyone to get hurt before asking me if I liked them! And then, before I could even respond, you just told me you’d take me home the next day! What was I supposed to think about that?” 

Jimin huffs quietly but he looks more hurt than anything when he says, “Why didn’t you come to talk to me?”

Taehyung barely refrains from scoffing.

“You made me feel like I had done something wrong.” Taehyung admits but the fight is draining from him as the realization settles that this is all a misunderstanding. 

No one says anything for a little while but there’s regret on the others’ faces and simmering in Taehyung’s chest. 

“I’m sorry.” Jimin says softly with a sniffle as Taehyung deflates.

“I’m sorry too.” Taehyung sighs, “I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” 

“So…” Jeongguk pipes up hesitantly, “You do like us?” He asks, voice careful as he glances at him with shy hope in his eyes.

Taehyung feels his face flush immediately, only now realizing that he just unintentionally confessed. Still, he can’t find it in himself to take the words back when they’re all looking at him with that quiet anticipation. 

“Is that okay?” Taehyung questions softly, hope blooming wildly in his heart when none of the others seem immediately put off by that. In fact, there’s such gentleness in their expressions, such happiness, that Taehyung can’t help the small smile he feels spreading on his lips.

“It’s more than okay.” Yoongi promises, his own smile wide and gummy as he regards Taehyung proudly. 

Taehyung's lips quirk further upwards in response and he breathes a quiet sigh of relief, feeling infinitely lighter than he has in a while now. 

“We like you too.” Namjoon announces, perhaps unnecessarily, as Seokjin huffs.

“I think he got that, Joon.” He states deadpan as Namjoon’s cheeks redden slightly even as he goes to defend himself.

“I just wanted to make it clear!” He retaliates with such an expression of offense despite his blush, that Taehyung can’t help the startled laugh that bubbles out of him.

He’s missed this; the lighthearted banter and good-natured jabs. He’s missed them. 

Seokjin and Namjoon continue to bicker in the background but Taehyung’s attention strays to Jimin watching him with something akin to awe on his face.

Still smiling, Taehyung merely lifts an eyebrow in question. Jimin doesn’t say anything, just crawls closer across the floor until he’s directly in front of Taehyung and then pulls him into a hug that threatens to push the air out of his lungs.

“I love you.” Jimin whispers into his neck, voice muffled in the collar of Taehyung’s shirt, as Taehyung’s arms snake around the other’s waist.

It’s an honest confession, spoken as if the words are the easiest to say in the world and it makes Taehyung feel warm all the way down to his toes.

He squeezes back just as fiercely, burying his face in the other's shoulder before, just as quietly, responding with his own, “I love you.” 

Jimin doesn’t say anything to that but he squeezes Taehyung a little tighter before reluctantly pulling away just enough that he can look into Taehyung’s eyes.

“Soulmates.” He states seriously despite the soft smile on his face.

“Soulmates.” Taehyung confirms, eyes finding the gazes of the surrounding people and seeing his own excitement reflected on their faces. 

Finally, he thinks, as happiness spreads in his body like wildfire.

Finally.