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The camera soars dramatically across a glorious mountain range. It slowly pushes in, sweeping lower over the vista, to finally land upon the generically familiar face of Earth's most popular reality television host. This is BILL HOGAN, host of THE SPECTACULAR CHASE.
BILL
Welcome back to our final episode celebrating the highs and lows of thirty years of The Spectacular Chase. Hundreds of teams have competed in those most amazing of races over the years. Every season, one of those teams is crowned winner. And every season, there are teams that capture the hearts and loyalty of our audience, win or lose. And one season held perhaps our most popular teams of all.
CUT TO archival footage from SEASON 23 EPISODE 1. BULMA, an attractive middle-aged woman with teal hair, and VEGETA, a younger, athletic man with overly-spiked dark hair, sit next to each other on the sofa used for contestant commentary throughout the show.
BILL (V.O.)
Bulma and Vegeta, married almost thirty years with two children, were quick to make an impression from their very first introduction.
BULMA
It was the kids' idea, really. They traded four holidays worth of presents -- both of their birthdays and Christmases -- to get us to compete after they snuck in an application for us.
VEGETA crosses his arms and glares.
BULMA (CONT'D)
And then they thought they could get their way by daring us. I mean, it's ridiculous. We're adults.
VEGETA
They are fools. We are going to crush them.
BULMA
The other contestants, he means. Not our kids.
VEGETA
We will crush whoever needs crushing.
VEGETA looks pointedly at the camera.
VEGETA (CONT'D)
I know you are watching, boy. You have not found all the cameras yet. We will find out.
BULMA
(quieter, barely picked up by the mics)
Find out what?
(delighted)
Did you steal a phone to check the cameras at home?
VEGETA
No, but he will have done something. I am putting the fear of me into him.
CUT TO archival footage of the season's contestants racing to the array of cars set up to take them to their first destination. BULMA and VEGETA, however, are left arguing.
BILL (V.O.)
Of course, they got off to a bumpy start at first.
VEGETA
It will be much faster for me to carry you!
BULMA
Vegeta, we have to take the car, it's part of the rules! If we don't take the car there we'll get a--
(turning to one of the crew members)
What happens?
A crew member explains again, voice inaudible.
BULMA
(turning back to Vegeta)
Yeah, a penalty. We'll be behind.
VEGETA grabs BULMA and throws her over his shoulder.
VEGETA
This is idiotic.
VEGETA races towards the cars with shocking speed as BULMA yells at him, stopping beside the last car to be claimed.
BULMA
(grumbling)
Literally the first thing we have to do and we're already behind.
VEGETA
It is strategic to allow your enemies to underestimate you.
BILL (V.O.)
This would prove to be the moment the audience -- and their fellow contestants -- would learn just how dangerous this team would be when they fell behind.
Cut to the CAR INTERIOR. BULMA is in the driver's seat, and VEGETA is in the backseat.
VEGETA
(dourly)
You are certain I have to be in the car?
BULMA touches up her lipstick in the rearview mirror.
BULMA
Yes, honey.
BULMA puts the car into gear and SPEEDS out of the parking lot. An overhead camera tracks the wild progress of the car through city streets as she drives with an astonishing level of speed and aggression.
The camera cuts back to the car interior. BULMA looks absolutely thrilled as she narrowly avoids a series of crashes and passes other contestants one by one.
In the backseat, VEGETA's eyes are closed and his arms crossed as he looks unperturbed by the motion of the car.
BILL (V.O.)
Bulma quickly became known as the most aggressive driver in the season, and possibly in the competition's history.
The camera follows overhead as the car drifts perfectly into a parking spot in a plume of smoke and screeching rubber.
BILL (V.O.)
And then, when their first physical challenge arose, it became clear that VEGETA was in a class of his own.
CUT TO archival footage of Vegeta and Bulma preparing for a tightrope challenge to cross between two skyscrapers, hundreds of feet in the air. Crew members are fitting BULMA with a protective harness while VEGETA refuses.
VEGETA
Why would I need your armor?! If I die from this, I deserve to be dead.
The crew member's argument is indecipherable, but it leaves VEGETA scowling.
BULMA
Oh Kami, just put it on. It's part of the rules!
VEGETA
Bah. Everything has rules in this! We would be finished with this race already if not for all of their bureaucracy.
BULMA makes the crossing first by virtue of accepting safety gear. She is giddily nervous as she makes her way across at a moderate pace, securely harnessed and attached to the line the whole while. Once safe on the other building, she yells back at VEGETA.
BULMA
WHAT'S THE MATTER, YOU BIG PUSSY, YOU TOO SCARED OF A BIT OF FABRIC BETWEEN YOUR THIGHS?! I'M NOT GETTING ELIMINATED ON A [BLEEP]ING TECHNICALITY!
CREW MEMBER
(barely audible through BULMA's mic)
--won't be able to hear you--
BULMA
Oh, don't worry, he can hear me.
VEGETA can definitely hear her.
He glares daggers at her from the other side. Finally, he allows the crew to finish fitting him with the safety harness and hook him to the line.
He then proceeds to cross between the buildings in less than a second. The crew members on both sides look absolutely stunned.
BILL (V.O.)
In fact, BULMA and VEGETA were almost always ahead of the pack during their season -- except for the moments they got in their own way.
CUT TO archival footage of BULMA and VEGETA in an unfamiliar desert city. They are making their way through the streets, trying to get directions to a local distillery to receive their next clue.
BULMA has stopped to try getting help from a group of disreputable young men hanging about on the street. They're smoking, grinning, and clearly leering.
BULMA
(delighted)
You want to see WHAT?
She reaches for the bottom of her shirt and starts lifting it.
BULMA
(cheerfully unbothered)
Well, if that's what it takes--
VEGETA is suddenly there, yanking BULMA's shirt back down.
VEGETA
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, WOMAN?! I CANNOT LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR FIVE MINUTES--
DISREPUTABLE YOUTH
Hey, chill out man, if she's cool with it--
Suddenly, VEGETA is pinning the man against the wall by his throat. The rest of the group is stunned, and then all hell breaks loose as the other youth -- along with BULMA -- start yelling.
CUT TO archival footage of BULMA and VEGETA in the local sheriff's office.
BULMA
Yes, he's so sorry, officer--
BILL (V.O.)
Between Bulma's brains and Vegeta's brawn, it seemed like the two were destined for victory. Vegeta easily handled an early challenge to eat a feast of FIVE POUNDS of meat that saw other competitors giving up and accepting a penalty--
CUT TO BULMA and VEGETA in a forest village. VEGETA has been presented with a slab of different types of meats and offal, grilled in the local style. Other contestants are groaning as they try to work through the challenge. Some have buckets at the ready for when their stomachs give up.
VEGETA demolishes the meal with ruthless efficiency within a few minutes.
BILL (CONT'D)
--but found himself PUSHING HIS LIMITS in a later challenge.
ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE of VEGETA and BULMA in front of a landscape of flooded fields, standing before a host of ducks.
VEGETA attempts to herd the ducks from one pen to another with a pair of herding flags, only to find the ducks thoroughly uncooperative.
BULMA
What, you mean the ducks aren't listening to the PRINCE OF ALL SAIYANS? Have you tried threatening their planet?
VEGETA waves his herding flags in an ineffectual effort to direct the ducks, who absolutely do not respect his royal title.
VEGETA
(furious)
I'm about to start threatening YOUR planet!
BULMA
All your things are here!
VEGETA
I am capable of making more children!
BULMA
Maybe you should try asking them nicely? You know, like Goku would.
VEGETA's herding flags suddenly and mysteriously disintegrate on the spot, forcing the crew to find new ones for him to use. CLIPS of several other teams completing the challenge, leaving VEGETA and BULMA dead last.
BILL (V.O.)
While the couple leveraged Vegeta's physical prowess for many of the challenges, eventually Bulma was forced to face a food challenge of her own.
CUT TO BULMA and VEGETA rushing into a restaurant, where they are presented with an excessively large bowl of the spiciest soup known to man. BULMA looks absolutely confident until she takes her first spoonful.
BULMA
Oh.
VEGETA stands nearby, clearly antsy to be relegated to emotional support for his partner. BULMA starts taking a few shaky spoonfuls of soup.
BULMA
(nervously)
This isn't so bad.
CUT TO BULMA alternately distraught and furious between spoonfuls of murder soup. She is a mess of sweat and tears.
BULMA
(sobbing and yelling)
I am going to kill our children! This is probably Trunks's fault! You have to kill Trunks for me.
VEGETA pats BULMA on the shoulder.
VEGETA
I will kill the boy for you.
BULMA
(looking tearfully up at Vegeta)
What if I can't finish?
VEGETA
You have to finish.
He leans in to speak quietly to her.
VEGETA (CONT'D)
Otherwise the children win.
BULMA starts DEMOLISHING the soup with newfound determination.
BILL (V.O.)
This challenge also featured the first of several times throughout the season that Vegeta and Bulma would object to the behavior of some of their fellow competitors.
Another team joins the spicy soup challenge at the restaurant: NATHAN and TORI. TORI takes on the challenge. CUT TO TORI, halfway through her bowl, crying as she hits her limit.
NATHAN
(berating)
You're being such a [BLEEP]ing drama queen! You just have to do it! Just power through!
As NATHAN continues berating TORI, BULMA and VEGETA both stop to stare at him. And then BULMA explodes.
BULMA
WHAT THE [BLEEP] IS YOUR [BLEEP]ING PROBLEM?! YOU TALK TO YOUR WIFE LIKE THAT?! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW [BLEEP]ING SPICY THIS SOUP IS?! PLUS IT'S LIKE TWENTY GALLONS YOU [BLEEP] [BLEEP]ING [BLEEP]--
VEGETA sets a hand on BULMA's shoulder, and she finally stops yelling. Then VEGETA approaches NATHAN and sets a much firmer hand on his shoulder. He leans in slightly and says something in a low, inaudible voice. NATHAN visibly pales.
BILL (V.O.)
To this day, neither party has publicly shared what was said.
CUT TO archival footage of VEGETA and BULMA on the commentary couch.
VEGETA
I simply encouraged him to behave better.
CUT TO NATHAN and TORI on the commentary couch. NATHAN is visibly pale.
NATHAN
(voice shaking)
Oh it was nothing. I mean, he just kind of said I should be nicer, you know, sometimes the heat of competition brings out the worst in us. It was nothing!
TORI smiles.
BILL (V.O.)
And in the last episode of the season, Bulma and Vegeta seemed set for success. They were hours ahead of their competitors, which meant that they'd be starting the final leg of the race hours before them. But when it came time for their final start, they were nowhere to be found.
CUT TO archival footage of another of the competing teams: BRAD and JENNIFER.
BRAD
Yeah, uh -- our room at the hotel was right next to theirs, and I'm pretty sure...I mean...
JENNIFER
It was really noisy is what he means.
BRAD
Yeah. Like, I knew what time they were supposed to be starting for the final leg, but--
JENNIFER
We could still hear them going at it.
BRAD
Right, so. We were second going into it, but we ended up getting to start first.
JENNIFER
Because they were still. [BLEEP]ing. Going.
BILL (V.O.)
Vegeta and Bulma eventually arrived at the starting point of the final leg of the race, but behind several of the teams they would otherwise have been hours ahead of.
CUT TO BULMA and VEGETA finally making it to the starting position. They show no indication that they're aware of their tardiness, and both look extremely satisfied. BULMA is fussing with her hair. The camera zooms in on a bruise on VEGETA'S neck.
BULMA
Wait, what time is it?
BILL (V.O.)
Still, Bulma and Vegeta managed to pull back ahead through several challenges that played to their respective strengths.
CUT TO archival footage of VEGETA entirely negating a challenge to find a path through a gorge by simply picking BULMA up and leaping over it. CUT TO footage of BULMA collecting pieces of a large-scale plane model and placing everything perfectly without even trying.
BILL (V.O.)
And, in an absolute Spectacular Chase classic, the final moments of the competition came down to a three-way footrace.
CUT TO BULMA and VEGETA's car screeching wildly to a halt. Two other teams have parked just moments before and started to run the last leg: NATHAN & TORI and BRAD & JENNIFER. VEGETA promptly throws BULMA over his shoulder.
BULMA
Okay, but -- make it a good race, you know, don't just--
VEGETA is suddenly moving too fast to see. He catches up to the other two teams in an instant.
BULMA
VEGETA I SWEAR TO KAMI--
VEGETA suddenly blips back into camera view, running slower, and then faster again.
VEGETA
We do not need to toy with our prey, woman!
The race continues, with VEGETA tempering his speed at BULMA's behest, purposefully falling behind at moments, and then finally pulling ahead at the last second to take the win. NATHAN & TORI come in second, and BRAD & JENNIFER come in third. BILL stands at the final destination to congratulate the winners.
BILL
Bulma and Vegeta. You are...
There is a DRAMATIC PAUSE.
BILL (CONT'D)
...the first to arrive. You have won Season 23 of The Spectacular Chase--
BULMA looks straight at the camera.
BULMA
IN YOUR FACE, TRUNKS. STOP LETTING BULLA STAY UP LATE.
BILL
--and one million zeni!
BULMA looks to BILL.
BULMA
What? Oh, we don't need that.
BILL
...I beg your pardon?
BULMA
Oh, I'm, like...super rich? Who came in second?
BULMA suddenly realizes that second place went to NATHAN & TORI. She wrinkles her nose.
BULMA
Oh. Tori can have it. Not Nathan, though, he's a [BLEEP].
NATHAN
Excuse you? What did you just--
VEGETA just looks at NATHAN. He shuts up instantly.
TORI
(tearing up)
Wow. I mean -- are you sure? That's so much money--
BULMA looks confused.
BULMA
I guess? Brad, Jennifer, you can have a million too if you want.
She looks back to BILL.
BULMA
Can I just give a million to every team? You know, except for Nathan.
VEGETA
He is undeserving.
BILL (V.O.)
It was a moment that would go down in Spectacular Chase history.
CUT TO archival footage of BULMA and VEGETA on the commentary couch.
BULMA
I mean, all we really cared about was winning, not the money.
VEGETA
It was a point of honor. The boy did not think we could.
BULMA
Neither did Bulla.
VEGETA
Bulla is innocent. This was Trunks's fault.
BULMA rolls her eyes and looks back to the camera.
BULMA
He's a real girldad.
VEGETA
A what? What does that mean, woman--
BULMA
(cheerfully)
Anyways! Suck it, Trunks, hope you like losing out on all those birthday and Christmas presents just to watch us absolutely crush that stupid contest!
VEGETA leans in towards the camera.
VEGETA
You will have to answer for the soup, boy.
The camera cuts to black.
FIN.