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Han hated this. This constant nagging feeling in his brain. This constant torment that he felt within him whenever he talked or moved. He knew what it was but he would never admit it.
God damn it, Han was in love. He was so in love that he fell into a hole of self pity and anxiety. He was so in love that he lost himself with every mission he went on. He was so in love that he forgot how to feel.
Han was supposed to be your tough guy, smart ass and kind of just generally an ass. He HAD been, he swore he could remember it but it had all been swept away because of a silly farm boy.
There he sat, his head on the control panel of the falcon, sighing and day dreaming of what he knew would never be his.
And oh it ached.
He felt his eyes go bleary and he immediately sat up to rub the liquid away.
Yes he was in love but no he would not completely lose himself, no matter what Chewie said.
Knock knock knock.
Han stood up and straightened himself.
"Come in," he called gruffly.
And there the farm boy was. Waltzing into the cockpit with a soft smile on his lips. The lips Han wanted so desperately to kiss.
"Hey Han, I just wanted to check in on you," the boy said.
Little butterflies rolled into Hans stomach and a light blush covered his face.
"Look kid, I'm doing just fine." Han responded, more hostile than he intended.
The boy looked taken aback.
This boy Han felt so fondly of was a small, tan, blue eyes farm boy from the barren planet of Tatooine. His name was Luke.
The name would roll right of of Hans tongue perfectly, like he was the only one meant to say it.
"Are you alright Han?" Luke said softly.
That smile. That smile could brighten Hans day in an instant. That smile is what Han wanted to put on the boys face. That smile is what motivated Han to keep going.
"I'm fine," Han sighed out, sitting back down on the pilots chair whilst running his hand through his own brown hair.
Luke sat down next to him and smiled worriedly. The boy rested a hand on Hans knee, causing the older mans breath to hitch.
"Tell me what's on your mind." Luke said gently but firmly.
"Oh wouldn't you like to know." Han replied sarcastically, rolling his eyes.
"Yes I would! Ever since Endor, you've been acting all weird and excuse me if I'm put off by that!" Luke scoffed.
Han stared at him, gritting his teeth and balling his fists.
"You're just a kid! You wouldn't understand!" Han turned away from Luke.
"Oh now I'm a kid, huh? We're what? 3 years apart in age? Han please." The young man pleaded.
"You really want to know?" Han growled out.
"Yes I would!"
Han stood up. He knew he would regret telling Luke but he has no idea how much longer he could keep it bottled up within him.
"You. You're on my mind. You're always on my damn mind and I can't get you out!" Han yelled.
Luke stared at the man, shocked with the amount of emotion he was showing.
"You plague my mind everyday. The way you talk and walk, the way you treat Leia and myself. You and your antics and jokes!" Han continues, his eyes filling up once more.
He felt a sudden urge to just spit it out and tell Luke straight up. At least he wouldn't hurt anymore.
"And dammit Luke... I love you." The man finished, a tear running down his cheek.
Luke stared at the man wide eyed. He could feel tears of his own run down his face as well.
Luke said nothing as he stood up. He said nothing as he walked over to Han. And he couldn't say anything when his lips were pressed against the olders.
They pulled away softly and the tears were no more.
A light smile and blush came over their faces as they held each other.
Han felt the familiar feeling of butterflies coming back and disrupting his emotions.
He rubbed the back of his neck anxiously and honestly, he couldn't wipe the goofy grin off his face.
"So what does this make us?" He asked, looking down at the boy.
"No longer single?" Luke suggested.
"No longer single."