Work Text:
Breakfast began the usual way: a spread large enough to feed the overly full household (prepared by some cook Hera will no doubt have fired after a perceived slight within the week), Hera and one of Jason’s siblings bickering about whatever outfit they had on that day (today it was Apollo in some old band shirt that read we’re so fucked–apparently this wasn’t appropriate school attire), and a good old fashioned Dare Off.
Dare Off had become a morning tradition among the kids still living at home. The rules were simple: someone would propose a stupid thing that you had to do before breakfast ended, the first person to do it got shotgun and bragging rights on the drive to school. And listen, shotgun was nothing to scoff at. The alternative for Jason was being crammed into the very back humpseat because he was the youngest and smallest and Artemis gets car sick there (a lie!) and Dionysus’s legs were too long (another lie!) blah blah excuses.
While Dionysus and the twins could technically drive themselves to school, Zeus always insisted on driving everyone himself. Dionysus pessimistically speculated that it was because he wanted the other parents in the parking lot to see What A Good Dad he was, but Jason was pretty sure it was just because he didn’t think they’d actually go to school if he didn’t see them physically walk into the building. Which was honestly fair given that Apollo and Thalia were his children. Nobody could do a disappearing act like those two. This meant they were all crammed into Zeus’s SUV every morning for the drive, vying for that shotgun spot.
So when Artemis, yesterday’s winner (how she had managed to get a dozen coffee beans in Hera’s hair without being caught was a mystery) flounced into the dining room and stage whispered to Jason and his siblings the morning dare, it was game on.
After checking to make sure Hera was too busy fussing about some watermarks on the silverware that only she could see, Artemis leaned in and declared, “First to call dad ‘Zeusy’ wins. Bonus points if it’s before he has his first cup of coffee.”
Oof. That was gonna be a rough one. Zeus was pretty far from laid back, but he also wasn’t the strictest guy around. But, when it came to being polite and respectful (or whatever other words grown ups said when they just wanted kids to not talk to them like they’re their little school friends) he was a big stickler. He didn’t exactly demand that they sir, yes sir him, but a first name basis? That was asking for trouble.
Dionysus and Thalia both groaned. “C’mon, you know what he’s like before his first cup of coffee. That’s poking a bear.” Thalia complained. “No chance this ends well, and I’m not gonna be a part of it.”
Dionysus shook his head. “I’m out too. I’m not looking to get grounded this weekend, I’ve got plans.”
“Spoilsports.” Artemis turned to face Apollo and Jason, ignoring Herc who had recently declared himself too old for playing these games (probably only because he drove himself to his college classes these days, so he was perfectly fine not getting shotgun rights). “Well? You guys too scared too?”
Apollo grinned, leaning back in his chair, still donning his inappropriate shirt. “If he kills me, you can have my stuff, Misty.”
Big talk for someone who’s gonna lose. Artemis raised her brows at Jason. “Well?”
“If he kills me you can’t have any of my stuff.” He plucked a blueberry out of his oatmeal and tossed it into his mouth.
Zeus entered the dining room with his usual demands: coffee and the paper, stat. He sat down at the head of the table, right beside Jason.
Persephone floated into the room soon after, still in her pajamas. “Morning, Daddy.” She bent down and pecked Zeus’s cheek with a bright smile. Easy for her to be so cheerful, she didn’t have to go to school after this, her college classes weren’t until like noon. Although that meant she had to spend the morning alone in the house with Hera, so scratch that, there was no reason to be so upbeat.
Zeus took a sip of his coffee, looking marginally less grumpy after. (Which made no sense, Jason had tried that coffee before and it had made him wanna gag, not look chipper–or as close to chipper as Zeus got). “Good morning, dear.” He finally replied, after about the third sip. He always called all the girls dear and the boys sport, Jason was almost positive it was because otherwise he’d mix everyone up too often. And God knows they’d all give him shit for that for ages.
Hera wordlessly deposited the paper beside Zeus on the table before leaving once more, muttering about the chandelier needing a new bulb. She hardly ever ate breakfast with them, always too busy fretting about something or other. She didn’t sit still very well, which, neither did Jason. But unlike Jason, Zeus never told her to sit her little butt down and quit running around. That’s probably some grown up privilege or something. Or maybe she just scared Zeus too much to get scolded–Jason couldn’t exactly blame the guy if that was the case.
Ignoring his breakfast in favor of picking up the paper, Zeus began his usual perusal of the articles. When Jason was little, sometimes he’d sit on Zeus’s lap in the mornings, and Zeus would read him boring stuff like stock prices while Jason tried to look at the comics. These days Zeus just saved the comics for him to read later and he’d given up on trying to explain what stocks and bonds were.
Right now was Jason and his siblings’ prime time.
It was always a perfect moment to ask Zeus for something, or to tell him something bad you’d done. He was too focussed on reading, and only half awake still, to get all grumpy yet. That meant that you had to be quick with getting what you wanted to say in, though, because too many questions thrown at him and he’d start actually paying attention. Nobody wanted him paying attention right now.
“Pops, can I stay out a little later tonight? I’m meeting Bianca in the city to go to a concert.” Thalia jumped in first, clearly having been waiting for the opportunity. Jason knew damn well (definitely not from eavesdropping on her phone calls because that was A Violation Of Privacy, Young Man according to Zeus) that she’d been planning on going to this concert for weeks, so she’d just been holding off asking until Zeus what at his most Not Paying Attention.
Zeus didn’t even glance up. “Of course, dear. Have fun.”
Thalia silently pumped her fist in the air, smirking at the rest of them like she’d just won something.
Never one to be outdone, Apollo chimed in immediately, “Pops, I need to get a new amp, my old one is on the fritz lately. Can I use the credit card?” Everyone but Jason had access to some emergency credit card that they could use with permission. It was total crap, because of course he was the one left out. Zeus said he just wasn’t ready for the responsibility yet, and Thalia said that was because he always spent all his allowance on candy immediately. But so did Dionysus and he still got to have a credit card!
Zeus hummed, moving onto the real estate section of the paper. “Sounds good, sport.”
Apollo stuck his tongue out at Thalia, miming a triumphant air guitar.
“Daddy,” Persephone hopped in, “I accidentally scratched my car yesterday backing out the driveway. I’m really sorry, the mailbox must’ve moved, I swear.”
Everyone held their breath. Zeus would normally have bulging eyes hearing something like that, he had a weird thing for cars (he drove a red one, which was about all Jason could tell you about it).
“That’s alright, dear.” Zeus didn’t even blink, not a single trickle of steam left his ears.
Dionysus took his shot next. “Ariadne and I wanna get a hotel room after the school dance on Friday. Is that cool, Pops?”
Aaaand that was a step too far, even for Zeus.
Zeus folded the paper down, incredulous eyes slowly finding Dionysus. “Is what cool?”
Everyone groaned, morning requests effectively over now.
Dionysus slouched in his chair, poking at his scrambled eggs with a fork. Jason had to hand it to him though, if Zeus had been looking at him like that, Jason would’ve mumbled a nevermind and changed the subject, but Dionysus persisted anyway. “I mean, it’s just so we can like hang out a little later afterwards, y’know what I mean?”
“Oh I know exactly what you mean.”
Jason didn’t really know what they meant, but he seemed to be the only one so he kept his mouth shut and just watched them like a tennis match.
Dionysus’s face was getting all red now. “Not like that, Pops, jeez. We just wanna hang out with our friends and stuff, the dance ends so early and there’s nowhere else to go after.”
“You could all come back here.”
Jason didn’t think he would’ve chosen to roll his eyes as blatantly as Dionysus did at that suggestion, but hey, to each their own. “Oh yeah, I’ll just bring back Ari and our friends to hang out with my family after. We can all play monopoly.”
That sounded like a pretty fun night to Jason, so he wasn’t sure why his brother was looking so repulsed at the idea. He probably just knew Jason would kick his butt at monopoly and embarrass him in front of his girlfriend, the weasel.
Zeus wasn’t looking thrilled with Dionysus’s reaction either. “So let me get this straight: you want me to rent my sixteen year old and his friends, and his girlfriend, a hotel room for the night because interacting with your family is so awful?”
Yeah, you tell him Zeus. They would be lucky to be invited to play monopoly.
“Oh for the love of–” Dionysus threw his hands in the air, “fine, whatever, just forget it.”
It seemed like Zeus may not just forget it, but after a moment he appeared to decide that it was too early for a spat and picked his paper back up once more, muttering something about discussing this later.
The rest of them went back to eating, Dionysus looking a fair bit surlier.
Jason decided to extend an olive branch, tossing a blueberry at Dionysus’s head to get his attention. Once he was looking, Jason offered, “We can still play monopoly, but I get to be the racecar.” Artemis and Thalia laughed, even Dionysus cracked a grin, which was dumb because he wasn’t joking. He would never joke about being the racecar.
Once everyone was finished up with eating, Zeus cleared his throat. “Is everyone all ready for school?” He glanced around the table over the top of his newspaper, gaze lingering on Apollo’s profane shirt. The narrowed eye look got Apollo to squirm and mumble something about needing to change still. So this round of the ongoing Clothing War goes to Hera.
Taking his shot while Zeus was focussed on Apollo’s misdeed, Jason said, “We’re all ready to go, Zeusy.” He gave him little waggly finger guns to soften the blow.
Zeus broke off from seemingly contemplating whether or not to scold Apollo, to stare at him. He slowly set down his paper and blinked a couple times. “Try that again.”
Jason squirmed in his chair. Having Zeus’s undivided attention was rarely a good thing in this house. With more kids than any reasonable person should have (at least according to Hera, stepmommy of the year award recipient), Zeus tended to have less patience than Jason would’ve appreciated. Deciding he’d already won the dare, Jason gave Zeus his best I’m your sweet youngest so you find me charming expression. “I said, we’re all good here, Pops.”
Everyone held their breath for a second, Artemis and Thalia looking far too eager for Jason’s liking. Finally Zeus chuckled, rolling his eyes. “That’s better.” He reached out to rub a hand through Jason’s hair, messing up the careful styling Hera had forced on him (while he was too sleepy to fend her off, because she always played dirty like that). So, good work Zeusy. “My cheeky boy.” He wagged a teasing finger at Jason.
“Of course the baby would get away with it. The rest of us would’ve gotten a month of solitary confinement.” Apollo none-too-quietly stage whispered to his twin. Jason aimed a kick at him under the table, but missed and got Dionysus instead, earning a glare.
Zeus had straightened his paper back up, but had evidently not yet tuned their squabbling out because he said, “That confinement can still be arranged for anyone still wearing vulgar clothing by the time I finish this article.”
Nobody could ever say Apollo couldn’t take a hint because he was out of his chair and booking it up the stairs before Jason could blink.
Dionysus kicked Jason back, sticking his tongue out very maturely.
Zeus licked his finger, using it to flip the page of his newspaper. His voice continued on drily, still paying more attention than they’d all like, “And if I feel anymore kicking under this table, I’m going to request to borrow a wooden spoon from Cook.”
Jason wasn’t used to getting sent home early from school. Sure, he wasn’t always the best behaved in class, and yeah, he took the school uniform policy as more of a suggestion than a rule. But he tended to know just where the line was. He certainly wasn’t like some of his siblings; Apollo likely still held the record for most detention slips from his time at the middle school.
So sitting in Hera’s white little sports car, driving home at noon on a Tuesday? Not a stellar day for him.
Hera was being unusually quiet. Usually she’d have just moved on from the I Am So Disappointed to the What Were You Thinking portion of the lecture. Up next would’ve been the Just Wait Until Your Father Hears About This, his least favorite bit. But instead she gripped the steering wheel with white knuckles, mouth a thin line.
He almost felt a little bad.
But then she did open her big mouth, and he stopped feeling so bad.
“Honestly Jason,” she took a deep breath, “I don’t know what to say here. I cannot believe you would write something like that. I mean, Apollo, sure, but you?” She pursed her lips, breathing in deeply through her nose.
Look, it wasn’t his fault.
His homework assignment was to write a poem about a woman in his life. He could’ve done one of his sisters, sure, but Hera had been being so bossy and annoying last night (stop leaving your shoes everywhere and no you can’t wear pajamas to dinner) that he’d decided to pick her as the subject.
He’d been a little too honest.
Okay, he’d been mean.
But how was he supposed to know his teacher would actually read it? As far as he was concerned, that was personal and she shouldn’t have gone snooping through their assignment notebooks.
But, snoop she did. Mrs. Hirley hadn’t appreciated his creativity. He thought he should be getting props for managing to rhyme “bitch” with that many other words, but instead he got sent to the principal’s office. Everyone’s a critic these days.
What made it even worse, Zeus was still at work, so Hera was the one taking the call and hearing all about the whole affair. She was never gonna let this go. He could be dead in his grave a hundred years from now and she would still make sure “terrible stepson” was carved on his tombstone.
“Sorry.” He mumbled, because that seemed like what a grownup would expect right now.
Hera snorted though, rolling her eyes uncharacteristically. “I don’t think that’s true.”
Jason frowned. “Okay, I’m not.”
“Well then at least you’re honest, that’s something I suppose. We didn’t teach manners, but we did teach that.”
Honesty sounded a lot better than manners if you asked him, but she probably wasn’t asking.
She glanced at him before turning her attention back to the road. “Your father’s not going to be happy about this.”
She was right, if there’s one thing Zeus hated it was anything he deemed rude behavior which this undoubtedly would be. But she didn’t have to rub it in like that.
Jason bristled, scowling out the window as they drove up the winding road leading to their home. “I’ll bet that makes you happy.”
“No, my stepson being in trouble for hating me does not make me happy, Jason.” Her voice sounded all thick and quiet, like she was sad right now. Why the hell should she be sad? It was Jason who was gonna get his butt smacked six ways to Sunday. He should be the one pouting, not her.
She was probably getting this sad voice all perfected and ready for when Zeus gets home. Then she could go crying to him about how mean Jason had been and he’d get in even bigger trouble. And she’d get to laugh while he caught it.
He didn’t wanna spend another second in this car with her and her faux hurt. The car was slowly making its way up the gravel driveway when Jason undid his seatbelt and opened the passenger door, hopping right out.
He landed on his hands and knees, skirting forward a bit on the loose pebbles.
The car screeched to a stop a few feet away, Hera jumping out as soon as it was in park. “Jason! Jesus, what are you doing?!”
High heels entered his vision, crouching down beside him. His palms and knees stung, but even worse, his nose stung too. Tears were eminent. God, this was gonna be so embarrassing. Why couldn’t he just get his cool action movie drop and roll walk off?
Hera’s hands grabbed his own. His hands started shaking a little, and he realized it was because hers were. “Are you hurt?” She turned his palms rightside up, inspecting the trickle of blood. “Did you hurt your wrist? Break anything?”
He shook his head, biting down on his lip to keep from whimpering.
She released his hands, reaching up to remove her own scarf from around her neck. A pink cashmere thing. Balling it up in her hands, she used it to alternate dabbing at the cuts on his hands and knees.
Jason frowned. “That’s gonna get ruined.” He nodded his head at the now stained scarf.
Hera shot him a conspiratorial wink (the first time they’d ever conspired about anything in his memory). “Don’t worry about that, it’s a good excuse to go shopping for a new one. We’ll need to get you some new uniform pants too, these knees aren’t gonna be mendable.” She gently wiped at the exposed skin under the torn up pantlegs.
Once satisfied, Hera stood up. Jason started to stand as well, freezing when Hera reached down and lifted him up under his armpits, righting him on his feet. Either she was stronger than she looked, or he needed to gain some weight. Probably both.
She led him inside the house, handing the ruined scarf off to their housekeeper once inside. “Come on, let’s get you properly bandaged up.”
They went to the downstairs bathroom, Jason hopping up to sit on the countertop. Hera rummaged around under the sink before coming up with a small medical kit. She fished out a couple bandaids, holding them up for Jason to see. “Blue with stars or green with hearts?”
Jason inspected his options, pursing his lips. “Blue with stars.”
“Good choice.” Hera returned the green ones to the bag, snagging some antiseptic and cotton on the way. “This might sting a bit.” She warned, pouring the antiseptic on the cotton pads.
Jason steeled himself, prepared to be brave. But then it really did sting (not just a bit!) and he couldn’t help but suck in a sharp breath.
“Almost done.” Hera murmured, wiping first at his palms, then his knees. She took the bandaids out of their packaging, sticking them on and delicately smoothing them down. “You feel like you got scraped anywhere else? Hit your head at all?” He shook his head. “Okay, then I think you’re gonna survive the night.”
“Not once Dad hears about all this.” Jason sniffled.
Hera busied herself with throwing the used cotton and wrappers away, then washing her hands off. Drying them slowly on her clean white hand towels she said, “Maybe we don’t have to tell your father about this part.” She looked at him, offering a small smile. “I’m sure you’ll have plenty to discuss already, everything post-school can stay between us, yeah?”
Jason blinked. What was her angle here? She wasn’t gonna snitch on him? That was unheard of in this family. The moment anyone knew anything worthwhile, they stored it away to be used the next time they needed a scapegoat. Just last week Artemis had come home past curfew and immediately told Zeus that Apollo had taken some of his cigars a few days before. Then she’d gotten to go happily skip off to bed while Apollo got his ass paddled.
Maybe Hera was saving it for later use. Although she didn’t tend to need a get out of jail free card around here. But still. It probably never hurt to have one in the bank.
She was still staring at him, looking all weirdly eager. Hesitantly, Jason nodded and returned her smile. “Thanks.”
In one of the weirder moves of the afternoon, Hera reached out and combed a hand through his hair. Her face grew sterner as she said, “This won’t happen again though, Jason. Your butt stays in its seat until the car is fully parked from now on. Or else you and me are gonna be the ones having an unpleasant chat. Got it?”
Jason flushed, nodding quickly. He didn’t think Hera had ever actually gotten involved in disciplining any of Zeus’s kids, excluding the older ones that were hers too, and he wasn’t eager to be her first foray into it.
“Yes ma’am.” He said, determining that it was wise to be polite right about now.
“Good boy.” She ruffled his hair a little more before stepping back, hand falling to her side. “Alright, you should probably head upstairs and wait for your father to get home.”
There was nothing quite like waiting for a spanking.
In his twelve years on this earth, Jason had more than his fair share of experience doing so. Waiting in his room was at least better than waiting on the bench outside his father’s study. Here, no one could just walk by and see him sitting there, awaiting his doom.
That didn’t stop his nosy siblings though.
He heard when they all came home from school, the loud stomping of feet in the downstairs hallway, voices fighting over each other to be the loudest in the room. It didn’t take long for him to hear his own name, likely someone asking where he was.
Within a good thirty seconds, Apollo was flouncing up the stairs and walking towards Jason’s room. He didn’t bother to knock, just barged in and tossed himself right onto Jason’s bed. “I heard you’re in trooouuubleee.” He sang in Jason’s face.
“Shut up.” Jason shoved him, unsuccessful in getting him to budge.
“Aww c’mon, talk to me, baby brat. Why’s Hera all fretty and waiting for Pops? I don’t think I’m in for it, and the rest of them seem too chipper to be in impending ass-whooping territory.”
Jason rolled over and buried his head in his pillow. “I got sent home.” He mumbled into the cushion, muffling the sound.
Apollo cupped a hand to his ear. “Huh?”
With an exaggerated eye roll, Jason lifted his head enough to say, “I got sent home from school. I wrote a mean poem about Hera and called her a bitch and now she’s mad and Pops is gonna probably send me to a boarding school or something.”
“Wait a minute,” Jason turned his head to face Apollo again, groaning when he saw that his eyes were practically glowing with excitement, “you’re telling me that Dad’s precious baby,” he reached out and squeezed Jason’s cheek between two fingers, ignoring Jason’s attempts to smack him away, “is in capital-B Big Trouble?”
“Just get out.” Jason grabbed his pillow and whacked Apollo over the head with it.
Undeterred, Apollo just laughed. “I’m only teasing, baby brat.” He sat up, leaning against Jason’s headboard. “First of all, Pops isn’t sending you to a boarding school. If he didn’t ship me or Hermes off after all the shit we pulled, his baby is safe.” He flicked Jason’s forehead, smirking. “Second, I think we’ve all called Hera a bitch at one point or another. She’ll be mad for a few days, then get over it. Pops will too.”
Jason worried his bottom lip, staring at the ceiling. “She wasn’t, like, mad though. She seemed more sad. Which was really weird.” He admitted.
“Sad?” Apollo frowned. “I didn’t know she knew how to do that. Huh. Well, maybe it’ll take a couple extra days to get over it then, but she will. You’re her favorite after all.”
“Am not.”
“Are so.”
When Jason didn’t respond, Apollo moved to sit on the edge of the bed. “Look, it’ll be okay. Pops’ll be pissed, but just say sorry and take your lumps. He won’t even be mad come dinner, I promise.”
Jason buried his head in his pillow once again. He heard Apollo sigh and felt his hand run quickly through the back of Jason’s hair, then footsteps signalled his departure from the room.
It felt like Jason waited a long time for Zeus to get home, but also not long enough.
Eventually, headlights from the driveway lit up the blinds in Jason’s room. A moment later a car door shut outside. Zeus was home a little early, so his time of execution had been moved up.
He could hear voices murmuring downstairs. Probably talking about him. He wanted to go eavesdrop at the top of the stairs, but decided it probably wasn’t a good idea to add to his list of crimes right now.
Zeus’s footsteps were heavy and slow coming upstairs. He could tell everyone in the house apart by the sound of their feet. Normally Zeus’s were a good sound; it meant Dad was home and could play video games with him or help with his math homework (Artemis tried to help, but she was too bossy to be any good at it). But tonight they sounded like Jason’s own heart beating too fast. Here it comes, the executioner had arrived.
A light knock on his bedroom door signalled Jason’s inevitable demise. He didn’t answer, because it’s not like Zeus was gonna just go away if he said not to come in, and god knows he wasn’t gonna invite him in.
As expected, Zeus opened the door anyway. They stared at each other a moment, Jason sprawled on his bed and Zeus lingering in the doorway. Finally, Zeus sighed, looking like he’d rather be doing a lot of other things right now, and stepped inside. He came to the side of the bed, nudging Jason to scooch over. Jason rolled to the other side of the bed, and Zeus laid down beside him in the open space Apollo had vacated.
If he wasn’t so worried about dying, Jason would’ve found the sight funnier. Zeus was laying in his nice work clothes on top of Jason’s collection of stuffed animals (and no he wasn’t a baby for having those still, shut up Thalia), his beard being tickled by a fluffy tiger.
Zeus winced and shifted, reaching underneath him and pulling a squishy octopus out from where it’d been digging into his leg. He showed it to Jason, giving it a little wiggle and making the tentacles flap.
“Uncle Po gave that to me.” Jason said quietly, tracing the pattern on his bedspread with a finger.
Zeus hummed and delicately set the octopus down on the nightstand. “I heard you had a rough day, sport.”
That just about did Jason in. His eyes welled up and he sniffled against his will. “I got in trouble.”
Tutting, Zeus reached out and wrapped an arm around Jason’s shoulders, tugging him closer to rest against his side. “Wanna tell me about it?”
Jason shook his head, causing Zeus to squeeze his shoulder a little. “Come on, Jay, tell me what happened.”
“I wrote a poem.”
When he didn’t elaborate further, Zeus sighed. “Uh huh. And I don’t think you trying your hand at a haiku would normally lead to trouble. If it did, Apollo would never be out of hot water. What was in the poem?”
“Some mean stuff.”
“Like…?”
Jason fiddled with his blanket, wanting to hide under it but too trapped against Zeus. “Called Hera a bitch. And some other stuff. But that was the meanest.”
Zeus had undoubtedly heard all this before because he didn’t react beyond a mhmm.
“I got sent home from school and got detention for a couple days.”
Just when Jason’s stomach was starting to do flips, possibly from nerves, possibly from guilt, Zeus caused all that to flare into anger instead. “You know you don’t speak about your mother like that, young man.”
Mother?
Oh, hell no.
“She is not my mother.” Jason spat it out with enough vitriol that it caused Zeus to pull back to stare at him.
“She is your stepmother. She is my wife.”
“Thanks, Webster’s Dictionary, but I know what stepmother means.”
Zeus’s face went in a split second from Trying To Understand to You’re In For It.
Jason’s oldest siblings all swore Zeus had mellowed out and was going soft on the handful of youngest kids still left at home. Hermes had once said something about him being in “Granddad Mode” now that he was on grandkid number four, but Jason didn’t see it. Zeus still got all huffy when Jason misbehaved (according to him at least) and he still swatted Jason’s butt whenever he got caught rolling his eyes. (He was getting pretty good at not getting caught though, so maybe that’s what Hermes meant, that Zeus was losing his eyes in the back of his head touch). And, looking at him right now, it didn’t seem possible that this guy could’ve mellowed in the slightest.
“Jason Grace, you are in enough trouble for your disrespect. I would think long and hard about how you want to speak to me right now because that’ll be what decides if you go fetch the hairbrush or not.”
See, now did that sound mellow?
“Sorry, Daddy.” Jason went with his tried and true innocent doe eyed expression, throwing in a daddy for good measure. Thalia would’ve called it overkill, but Zeus’s eyes softened once again, so score one for Jason’s cuteness factor.
Zeus rubbed his shoulder, pulling him closer once more to kiss his head. “I think it’s your stepmother you owe the apology to, sport.”
Jason sighed heavily. “But she’s the one who told you to come up here and spank me.”
“Actually, she asked if I could let this one go. I’m the one who decided you needed to be disciplined for this behavior.”
Wait what?
Zeus must just be trying to make her seem like the good guy here because there was no chance that the same Hera who once told Zeus to paddle him for tracking a little bit of mud onto the carpet (okay, a lot of mud) would be advocating on his behalf after he said all that mean stuff about her.
Seeming to sense his disbelief, Zeus said, “She made me promise to be easy on you, which I’m regretting doing given the attitude you’ve been giving me, my boy.”
Zeus didn’t wait for him to process that. He pushed up to sit on the side of the bed, looking a lot less playful than Apollo had in the same position earlier. The finger he pointed at the floor in front of him was an obvious beckon. Chit chat was done, evidently.
Jason felt like he had to trudge through molasses to get over there, but eventually he managed to shuffle over to stand in front of his father. Zeus took his hands in each of his own and opened his mouth to surely launch into another lecture, but paused when he spotted the bandaids.
“What happened here, Jay?” Zeus turned one of his palms over, inspecting the star covered bandages with tenderness.
Jason held his breath, waiting for Zeus to reveal that Hera had in fact snitched about his little impromptu car exit. Either Hera had kept her promise, or Zeus was good at not showing his cards because he gave no indication that he already knew the answer. “I fell.” Jason finally mumbled, shifting on his feet. His hands felt a lot better than they had, thanks to Hera’s ministrations.
“Are you hurt?” Zeus cupped his cheek with one hand, prodding at his temple and forehead like that could show him any injuries.
“I’m fine. Just scraped my hands and knees.” Jason smoothed back down one of the bandaids on his hands. “Hera cleaned them up.”
Zeus’s hands fell back down, releasing him from further prodding. “I’m glad she was here to do so.”
“Me too.” Jason felt his eyes prickle a little because they were traitors like that sometimes.
Zeus didn’t waste anymore time; he gently took one of Jason’s hands, avoiding the bandaids, and guided him over his lap. A terribly familiar position, but one that had never gotten more comfortable despite his frequent flier status.
“Pops–” Jason wiggled around. He considered complaining that his scraped knees were too sore, that the bed was rubbing against them all wrong and he was gonna bleed to death. But knowing Zeus, he’d just have Jason bend over the desk instead or something equally awful. At least he got to lie down relatively comfy this way (relatively being an important word there).
“I know.” Zeus patted his back, and he sounded nice when he said it, but then he went and tugged Jason’s pajama pants down to his knees so clearly the nice-ness was a psych out.
Jason kicked his foot against the bed with a groan. “Pops!” He wasn’t exactly shocked to have his pants taken down (really, he knew he should be happy it was only his pants and not his underwear too) but he was still Displeased. He blamed Hermes for it too and made a mental note to kick his shin the next time his brother visited. Family lore held that one time when Hermes was a kid, he had tried to pull one over on Zeus by putting on like a dozen pairs of sweats and boxers before he got his butt whacked. Zeus had caught on (because duh wouldn’t it be obvious?) and from then on he always took pants down. Because punishing everyone for Hermes being a moron seemed fair and reasonable in his mind, apparently.
Zeus kept a hand on Jason’s back, securing him in place. He didn’t bother with giving any warning, just started right in on smacking Jason’s backside.
“No matter how unhappy you are with a member of this family, you do not get to be as disrespectful towards them as you were today.”
Jason nodded, although he was pretty sure member of this family really just meant Zeus and Hera because he was almost certain he wouldn’t be over a knee right now if he’d written that same poem about one of his siblings. Zeus probably would’ve hung it on the fridge if he’d caught him in the right mood.
“I’m serious Jason, I’m done putting up with an attitude out of you. You don’t speak to me or Hera like you have been lately.” That seemed unfair, given that lately really just meant today. (Okay, maybe he’d been snippy yesterday too. And possibly the day before. And definitely last week once or twice. But still–).
“I’m sorry, Daddy.” Jason wiggled around, trying to get Zeus’s hand to miss its target for once. He was aiming perfectly at the center of each cheek, alternating between them at random like a monster.
There were a lot of things unfair about being the youngest in a big family. The most unfair, in Jason’s expert opinion, was just how much practice Zeus had when it came to punishments. There was no argument Jason could try that a sibling before him hadn’t already made. No sad look or tearful apologies that would sway Zeus because he’d heard them all before.
Not to mention just how adept Zeus was at smacking his target. When someone like Hephaestus, one of his super old (like a whole 26 years old, totally ancient) brothers was a little kid, Zeus probably didn’t know what he was doing quite yet. Him and Ares probably got away with a couple taps and that was it. Sometimes (when he’s not eavesdropping) he hears Zeus complain to Hera that the oldest kids still don’t know how to behave, and Jason’s hypothesis (see, he does listen when they go over vocabulary in science class) was that Zeus’s lack of spanking skill back then must be the reason.
When Jason gets grown up, he’s gonna be the best behaved at this rate.
Zeus finally moved lower, smacking Jason’s thighs. But that was even worse because his underwear didn’t cover those so the bare skin stung even more.
“Hera would never say about you the kinds of things you said about her today. It was unkind, and I know you’re a very kind boy, so you’re going to start acting like it or so help me I’ll paddle some manners into you.” And then Zeus started smacking all around his thighs and backside as if to demonstrate what having manners paddled into you would feel like. The answer: not so great.
Jason really wished Zeus would quit talking though, even if that meant he had more energy to focus on spanking Jason’s poor butt. Hearing about how mean he’d been made his chest hurt. And what was even worse was that Zeus was right. Hera wasn’t always the nicest, and she could be the bossiest person alive some (most) of the time, but she really wouldn’t say something actually mean about Jason. Or any of the kids. Sure, she’d say that Apollo was too messy or that Thalia had an attitude, but she never called them names. No, it was only Jason who was apparently mean enough to do that.
“I’m sorry, really sorry!” Jason heard the tears in his voice, feeling them start to run down his cheeks and nose. “I don’t wanna be mean anymore.”
Zeus sighed like he was very tired. “You aren’t mean, Jay. You were just…” He paused, hand stilling for a blessed second, “just feeling a bit ornery.”
Now didn’t feel like the time to ask for a vocab lesson, but he had no clue what that meant. But, it did sound better than being mean or even, god forbid naughty, so he’d take it.
Zeus landed a few swats to the center of his backside, they landed heavily but felt a little half hearted. Jason wasn’t too surprised when he felt his pajama bottoms being tugged back up and into place immediately after. “Alright, I think you’ve learned your lesson, sport.”
Lifted up and placed back on his own two feet, Jason had to rub his wet eyes to be able to see his father properly. Zeus’s face was still a little blurry, but he didn’t seem to be giving Jason the You’re In Trouble expression anymore, so that was a good sign.
It was an even better sign when Zeus reached out, warm hands tugging Jason to stand between his legs. He wound up halfway sitting on Zeus’s lap, trying to keep the weight off his sore backside, but still tuck himself close to his dad’s chest.
“That’s my sweet boy. My kind, good boy.” Zeus tucked Jason’s head under his chin, beard tickling Jason’s ear a little.
Jason pressed his cheek against Zeus’s shirt, smelling his nice cologne and the cigars he always promised he was about to quit smoking. “Hera doesn’t think I’m good now.” He pointed out, fiddling with the cufflinks on Zeus’s sleeves. Little golden stars, like the ones on his bandaids.
Zeus chuckled, rubbing a hand over Jason’s back. “Hera is currently downstairs having Cook make a lasagna with chocolate cake for dessert, because she knows it’s your favorite. I wouldn’t count on her thinking too lowly of you right about now.”
Jason couldn’t help but perk up at the menu. Chocolate cake was a rare favorite, although come to think of it, most of the times they had it was on a day when Jason was just post-spanking. When it was Dionysus who had gotten into trouble, they tended to have apple pie, and if it was Thalia then those gross custard desserts (she had undoubtedly the worst tastes out of any person on the planet). One memorable occasion where four of them had all been punished on the same day had resulted in a buffet of sweets.
Pursing his lips, Jason turned his head to look up at Zeus. “You’re sure she’s not gonna be mad forever?”
“I’m sure. And I’m a dad, so I do know everything.” Zeus grinned, tweaking his nose playfully.
Planting a final quick peck to his forehead, Zeus shooed Jason towards the door with a none-too-light pat on the backside. “Go on and see for yourself. She’s been holding off your siblings from licking the spoon to save it for you, but I don’t know how much longer she’ll be able to fend those vultures back.”
Yelping and shielding his bottom from any further love pats, Jason scurried out to claim his rightful place as the household spoon licker.