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Even in the worst conditions, Taesan knew that somehow he’d always find his way back to Leehan.
This was a precedent that greeted Taesan with hardship. He longed for how easy it would be to let his worries melt in the confines of Leehan’s arms, but that was not a luxury he was granted. None of the party was granted comfort nor was it ever forecasted for them. The comfort of knowing that tomorrow would come, and washing away yesterday’s worries was a distant memory.
Taesan was one of the lucky party members. He never wore his heart on his sleeve (or even allowed himself to do so). He never wanted to show weakness in the face of danger. It would be against all he’s known as a rogue. He had never known a relationship that lasted longer than his familial bond with Woonhak. The only consistent thing in his life.
So, it never mattered if another person was there for him. That was until he was using his skill of deception for the betterment of others, and Leehan joined their small group of underdogs.
Leehan was full of something that Taesan was not. Love and light and affection like no other. He was the manifestation of his druid parents and their strength. He, himself, wasn’t even aware of his potential. But Taesan?
He believed in Leehan and the power he wielded to protect their friends. And ultimately, melted Taesan’s guarded heart.
The previous battle left a scar deep within each one of the boys. For Taesan, it was better left unsaid. Bringing up emotions wouldn’t bring the civilians back. It wouldn’t bring that little boy who was swiftly killed right in front of him back to life. He was fueled with hatred for dragons and what they stood for and for as long as Taesan still had his blade. He would be the one to bring them a slow and painful death.
Woonhak glanced at his sworn brother with somber eyes. “You’re quiet. Even more than usual..”
Taesan glanced up, sharpening his dagger. “How can I not be? You heard those screams out there just as well as I did.”
The carriage was filled with heavy silence. Woonhak normally would have retorted with some witty remark, but now wasn’t the time. When would there ever be a time? Another question left unanswered.
The two were transported back to their hideout, splitting ways to recoup. Taesan found himself in front of Leehan’s bedroom—a dark wooden door with a shiny placard etched with the latter's name. Taesan didn’t know what he was standing there for. He didn’t even dare to knock. He just wanted to hear something that would lift his spirits. As selfish as it was, he wanted to hear the soft words from Leehan even if he knew it wouldn't solve his issues nor heal the townspeople.
The door swung open, Leehan still wrapped in fresh garments. The vine crown on his head parched ever slightly. His lips parted before he stepped into the hall with Taesan. Leehan was looking worse for wear. Eyebags in full effect like he had been up for centuries.
Taesan gave him a good look, “You look like shit.”
Leehan scoffed, “As if you look any better.” There was fondness still lingering in his tone. His gaze softened before his hand grazed Taesan’s shoulder. “On a serious note, are you okay?”
Taesan didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or cry. He looked at the ground. “Honestly, I’m not,” he answered.
Leehan pulled Taesan into his arms, embracing him tightly as if he would slip and shatter like glass. His face was buried within the nape of his neck. The two stood there for a moment, holding each other. Taesan could smell the scent of the earth and ocean on the latter. It brought him comfort. He wished they could have more moments like this.
Taesan nearly pulled away, but Leehan grabbed his arms. “It’s okay to lean on me. You know.”
He hesitated, averting his gaze to avoid the obvious elephant in the room. His true feelings were all much a mystery to everyone, but him. “I just. I’m afraid.” Taesan admitted.
“What if something happens to you?” he continued.
Leehan furrowed his brows, shaking his head. “We have fought many battles together. We’ve always found a way to survive.”
Taesan wasn’t sure. With the way their battles were escalating, this wasn’t just about bounties anymore. This wasn’t about just being able to get by. He pulled away from Leehan, putting the walls he built so high back up. Brick by brick. He stepped back. “I can’t imagine what I’d do if you were hurt..”
Even with the comfort he was given, this felt like it was only the beginning of something more. Something much more sinister awaits them. As much as Taesan felt as if they were getting somewhere, they were set back. And the visions of those around him being hurt or worse were too much for him to bear. Even if it wasn’t something he’d admit aloud.
Leehan parted his lips in hopes of saying something that would rival Taesan’s inner demons, but he knew that anything could happen. He fell silent, the look of longing still in his eyes. Leehan had his own thoughts and emotions and things that bothered him. He still had to work on his own power as an air ashari. He was still struggling to connect with the earth, he didn’t even have time to indulge in what he wanted.
Leehan could feel Taesan in a way no one else could, deep within his bones. This hunger, this determination to provide more. To be more for themselves, for the party, and for each other. Leehan was known for his lighthearted quips, but at a time like this, there was nothing to feel joyous about anymore.
“D-do you.. Want to come in?” Leehan felt the courage to at least try something. He didn’t want to be alone and from the looks of it, neither did Taesan.
Taesan felt goosebumps prickling at the nape of his neck, cheeks flushed. His eyes flicked to see Leehan waiting for a response. He wanted to give him what he was asking for, he desperately wanted to give in to his inhibitions.
“I..” Taesan cleared his throat. “Maybe some other night..” He mutters, glancing back at his feet.
The light in Leehan’s eyes dimed like candlelight. He gave a small understanding nod, gripping the door. “Goodnight, Taesan..” He quickly closed the door before Taesan could say another word.
“G-goodnight..Leehan.” Taesan couldn’t do anything else, but watch.
In another life, maybe things were better. Maybe the party wouldn’t be pushed into this unforgiving madness and stuck to save the world. Maybe Leehan and Taesan could talk more, and fill the spaces they both deserved to fill in each other's lives. Maybe...