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He’s surrounded by people, but the whole world feels still. Feels empty. He’s just standing there, like a fool, now that Sae and…and Akechi have left. Akechi. Alive. Akechi, sacrificing himself for him. Again. Lights reflect from the screens of the square onto his glasses, twisting into blurred shapes in his vision. People walk by him, bump into him, apologise, but he can’t seem to move his feet.
What’s happening to him?
It’s a text that finally gets him to move, the familiar buzz from his pocket. He instinctively reaches for his phone, unlocks it. A familiar icon pops into view.
— my mom’s working tonight
— it’s freakin lame to be alone on christmas eve
— wanna hang out?
He does. Ryuji is fun and bright and makes a room feel alive — the exact opposite of Joker right now. He would like to hang out, really.
Something stirs in the back of his mind as he’s about to respond, though, and he quickly adds it to his message. Sure, he writes. Let’s invite Yusuke.
He watches Ryuji’s typing bubble do its animation before the response comes.
— awwww man!
Then, a second later:
— kidding lol
— yeah it’ll be great
— go for it
Unlike Ryuji, Yusuke doesn’t put any slang into his answer to Joker's text to him.
— Yes.
— I will definitely be there.
It’s not “funny”, but that contrast between them makes him smile tonight.
The cafe’s bell rings as the door opens, but it’s far from the first announcement that Yusuke and Ryuji have arrived. He could hear their voices — well, mostly just Ryuji — from his room as they walked down the street.
He steps downstairs to find them already sitting in one of the usual booths. Ryuji grins at him, and Yusuke turns his head. “Hey, man,” Ryuji says, as Joker slides into the seat next to him. “Sorry ‘bout the short notice.”
“I believe that these things are usually planned in advance,” Yusuke adds, “but there’s something to be said for the excitement of spontaneity.”
“Woah. Yusuke and I are on the same page, for once.” Ryuji rummages around in his bag, and tosses a small box onto the table. “I did have time to get these, though. Help yourself.”
Normally, Joker would smile at the kindness of the gesture. Normally, Joker would be more attentive to the conversation, chiming in whenever he feels he has something meaningful to say, and not a moment too soon.
But unbeknownst to the others, things aren’t entirely normal right now.
And apparently, he’s doing a horrible job of hiding the fact that something’s off, because Ryuji is frowning at him. “Man, I’m sorry. You shouldn’t be spending Christmas Eve with a buncha guys. How come you don’t have a girlfriend? You’re cool enough for one.”
Joker raises his eyebrows.”How do you know I don’t?”
Ryuji laughs. “Come on. You woulda told me!” He hesitates. “Wait, you woulda told me, right?”
Joker nods. “Of course.”
”Yeah, well, there you go. I just don’t get it. How come you haven’t asked anyone out?”
He’s spared from trying to articulate a banal answer to that complicated question when Sojiro approaches the table. “Hey, Christmas Eve alone isn’t bad, either. Makes things easier, ‘specially if…well, if things in your love life are complicated.”
“Hm. To consider the melancholy solitude of the evening spent alone,” Yusuke starts, “when the world outside is alight with the company of others…”
Yusuke’s voice becomes somewhat of a soothing blur in the air as Joker’s thoughts wander back to the square, back to the crowd. Akechi’s light, confident smile as he walked up to them. The way his eyes had lingered on Joker before he’d left with Sae. The strange sense that this was…right. That Akechi would be perfectly fine. That the rest of them would, too.
That rightness doesn’t seem right, at all.
“—the hell are we doin’ sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves?” Ryuji’s proclamation breaks through his thoughts. “We don’t need that crap.” He practically throws the lid off the box, revealing several rows of chocolates. He picks one up and tosses it to Joker. “Cheer up, dudes. It’s Christmas!”
“Not quite,” Yusuke counters. “It’s still the eve. We’ve a few hours until the day proper.”
Joker fidgets with the chocolate, and manages to pull on a smile. “I guess we’ve an excuse to not be in the right mood until then.”
“Huh…” Ryuji leans back. “When I was a kid, there was this movie where people stopped having Christmas spirit, and it made Santa’s magic disappear. It freaked me out. My mom had to turn it off before it was even finished. She says I kept yelling about how Santa was gonna crash his sled and die.”
Yusuke’s eyes widen. “Did he?”
”Yeah!! He did! …crash the sled, I mean. He didn’t die. That would be effed up.”
Joker feels the corners of his mouth twitch at that. He pops the chocolate in his mouth. It’s cheap, but in a nostalgic sort of way.
Sojiro snorts, and heads back to the counter, busying himself with cleanup, as apparently no one’s eager to sit and have a coffee on Christmas Eve. Joker watches him. “Where’s Futaba?”
Sojiro looks back up. “Out with friends,” he says. He seems to notice Joker’s surprise, because he grins. “I know, right? I’m happy about it, though.”
“They’re no traditional culinary masterpiece,” Yusuke is musing, back at the booth, “but the sentiment of the gift enhances the flavour.” Evidentially he’s trying the chocolates as well.
Ryuji leans forward. “Sure. As long as you like it, I guess.”
“Most definitely. A pure delight.”
“Yo. You okay, man?”
It takes him a moment to realise that Ryuji’s addressing him, now, as Yusuke is examining the rest of the chocolate. He nods. “I’m alright.”
“Weird day, huh?” Ryuji stretches his arms upwards, before letting them fall onto the top of the booth seat. If Joker leaned back, they’d be touching. “Don’t blame ya for not feelin’ it. Shit’s been just, a lot . Like, a lot-a lot.”
“You’ve got that right,” Joker replies. Akechi’s face flickers in his mind, for a moment. He tries to push the thought aside. He’s not going to mention it to them, not yet, at least. They deserve an evening to just relax, after all this.
He’s not going to offload the burden of this knowledge onto them, when he’s perfectly capable of carrying it on his own.
He leans back. Ryuji doesn’t move his arm. Instead, he puts his hand on Joker’s shoulder. “Okay, new mission. You’re tired, I get it. But you deserve a little fun .” He shakes Joker’s shoulder slightly. “So we’re not gonna leave till you get in the Christmas spirit. You’re killing Santa, dude. Do you want to be responsible for killing Santa?!”
Joker covers his mouth with his hand, but his shoulders shake, and the sounds of his laughter sneak out.
The heater in his attic is working overtime to keep the room warm, but the presence of other bodies definitely helps. They’re sitting on the floor playing a card game he found tucked behind his bed. The box of chocolates lies empty, off to the side.
Ryuji is trying to glimpse at Yusuke’s cards, but Yusuke holds them close to his chest, literally, and has an expression of absolute horror on his face. “You…you monster!”
Ryuji laughs. “It’s just a game, dude. Strategy!”
Joker crosses his legs. “It’s cheating, Ryuji.” But he can feel himself grinning.
“Okay, okay, fiiiine.” Ryuji puts down a card. “Ha! Eat it!” But his smile drops as he sees the next card Joker plays. “No freakin’ way.”
“Pure. Skill.”
“No it ain’t! That’s dumb luck, right there!”
“You wish.”
“It’s midnight,” Yusuke interjects, suddenly.
“Oh, man, really?” Ryuji puts down his cards face-up, giving Joker and Yusuke plenty of time to glimpse at them. Neither of them do. “Merry Christmas, guys.”
“A most merry one, indeed,” Yusuke replies.
Ryuji glances over to Joker, the unspoken question clear. Doin’ okay? Feelin’ better?
Joker stretches his arms, his neck. “Don’t rush off because it’s late,” he tells them. “Stay as long as you’d like.”
Ryuji beams. Yusuke smiles lightly, before placing down a card.
The thought of Akechi is still lingering in his mind — but for now…for now, this is enough.
This is nice.