Archive of Our Own

Buck is acting weird. 

This is not an unusual thing, of course. On average, by most people’s standards, Buck acts weird at least about two to three times a week. What is unusual though, is the fact that he’s acting weird by Eddie’s standards. 

It’s not that he’s being dismissive exactly, but there are clear signs he’s hiding something. Buck isn’t as bad a liar or at keeping a secret as Chimney, but he’s a long way from being an impenetrable wall when it comes to hiding things. At least, he is towards Eddie, and it’s the same thing the other way around too. 

Usually, they would be able to see right through each other, have silent conversations no one else is able to join in on. It’s, like, their whole thing . Buck and Eddie, Eddie and Buck, the two best friends that are only slightly codependent at best, thank you very much. 

And who could really expect them to be any different? They practically live in each other’s pockets, as Hen has pointed out so many times before. 

They see each other at work, at the bar during after-work drinks with their team, at the Grant-Nash’s barbecues, and then at home. Or, well, Eddie’s home, it’s not like they actually live together… 

…Although they do basically co-parent Christopher, so there might have been once or twice in the past, in the in-betweens where Buck had been single, where Eddie had considered asking him to move into their spare bedroom. In Eddie’s mind, it would make sense; Buck could save himself the gas while also having a cheaper rent, and Chris would love to have him around as much as possible. 

Eddie never did ask him though. For some reason, the thought of it just made him feel… odd. Like it was a bigger deal than his brain let him in on. 

For the first time, Eddie regrets not having asked, because if he did, and Buck had agreed to moving in—which, let's face it, he wouldn’t have been able to say no if Eddie played his cards right. That card obviously being Christopher—then Buck wouldn’t be able to avoid Eddie’s questioning glances when he catches him acting suspiciously. 

Like he is right now. 

To anyone else, nothing weird is going on. The team is scattered around the station; Bobby making food, Hen and Chimney playing some card game, others taking a nap, and Buck and Jack talking quietly to each other away from anyone's earshot. Eddie knows that nothing seems off to anyone else, because everyone is relaxed, acting like they always do. 

It’s driving him crazy.

Buck and Jack have become close over the past few months. Jack is pretty tight with everyone on the team by now, but something must have changed in the few weeks after Buck miraculously survived falling down that cliff-side by somehow ending up inside the mouth of an unknown cave, because seemingly from one day to another, Jack and Buck were thick as thieves. 

They became Jack and Buck, Buck and Jack, always talking to each other, joking, and sharing knowing glances here and there, like they’ve found a way to communicate silently. 

Eddie’s not jealous, he’s not, no matter what kind of sympathetic looks Hen sends his way when she catches him watching them. 

He’s not jealous, because that would mean Buck and Jack have something together that he and Buck lack. Which they don’t . Nothing’s changed between Buck and Eddie, they’re still the same as always, except now Buck has Jack too and probably shares inside jokes with him that Eddie just wouldn’t get because it’s one of those ‘ you had to have been there’ type of things.

Eddie just thought he always was there, that there were no opportunities for him to miss anything. How did Buck even find the time to go make a new best friend—new friend, not best friend, Eddie still holds that title, and Jack can pry it from his cold, dead hands—while still keeping up with his busy schedule of being ingrained into Eddie’s life? Their calendars are synced up because of how much stuff they plan together for God’s sake! 

Again, and this is an important point so it bears reiterating, Eddie’s not jealous. He’s suspicious, maybe even worried, because Buck is acting weird. 

Case in point; when Eddie walks over to the whispering men, they abruptly stop talking. They both turn to him with smiles on their faces, Buck’s friendly and happy like he always is to see Eddie, and Jack’s much of the same, except with a slight strain in the corner that Eddie recognises as the same type of ‘nothing’s wrong here’ smile that Chris always shoots him when he’s just narrowly avoided getting caught doing something he shouldn’t. Flicking his eyes back to Buck, he realizes his smile also has that quality for a brief second before he gets up and asks Eddie if he knows what Cap is making for dinner. 

Eddie lets himself get distracted this time, but in the back of his mind he’s trying to figure out a battle plan for what to do about this situation. 

Whatever the situation actually is. 

***

Eddie watches them closely. Not in a creepy or looming kind of way, Chim, but more of a silent observer-in-the-shadows kind of way. 

He keeps a close eye on how they interact, trying to figure out what their deal is. 

Buck is a very touchy person, always has been, but Eddie’s been noticing that he touches Jack a lot. A clap on the shoulder that turns into Buck slinging his arm over them and pulling Jack into his side here, a hand on Jack’s head that ruffles his hair there. Sometimes he even picks Jack up, either piggyback style or just lifting him off the ground when they hug while spinning him around until he laughs. 

Now, while Jack isn’t as touchy as Buck, he’s still very big on hugs, so them hugging isn’t really that big of a deal, but it’s just… it’s the frequency, it’s the enthusiasm. It paints a picture that Eddie isn’t liking very much, one that turns his stomach and makes him vaguely nauseous. 

Then Eddie notices how Buck takes care of Jack silently the way he would usually do with Eddie, just more. Like how he always makes sure that there’s a few baked goods left over for Jack when there’s some to be had at the station, or how he physically (albeit subtly) acts as a barrier between Jack and any aggressive civilians they come across on a call. He always makes sure to spend time with Jack at the station when he can, playing whatever games Jack likes, engaging in conversation with him even when everyone else is tired. 

It’s constant, Buck seeking out Jack and Jack seeking out Buck. 

It’s not that Buck doesn’t seek out Eddie anymore; he’s apparently very good at multitasking. It’s just… weird. Eddie feels weird. Not replaced, but on his way to becoming it.

On a random Thursday, out on a call, Jack hits his head on the way out of a burning building, and the way Buck is immediately on him, hands searching him with such a frenetic worry that even Hen essentially tells him to chill out, turns Eddie’s suspicion into some horrible realization that he doesn’t want to believe. 

But all the signs are there, right? 

Hell, Buck has even started to refer to Cas as Castiel—which is apparently his real name?—as if just saying ‘Cas’ is too familiar for some reason, and then in the next breath mentioning that they text sometimes. 

The facts are; Buck is weirdly protective of Jack in a different way than he is about the rest of the team, he goes out of his way to do nice things for him, he has an established—but also sort of formal?—relationship with one of his dads, and he generally makes sure to keep close to him.

Eddie doesn’t want to believe what his brain is telling him, but there’s really no other way to end his own misery than to just outright ask Buck about it, as much as he dreads to do so. 

Seeing Buck give Jack a very enthusiastic and dramatic kiss on the forehead after today's shift while they say their see-you-laters seals the deal. 

In the parking lot, Eddie stops Buck from getting in his jeep with a hand on his shoulder. Buck turns with a smile, looking a little puzzled since he’s only going to go home and change before they have plans to take Chris out for the day. Eddie knows he won’t be able to ask Buck in front of Chris, so either he has to wait or just do it now. He choses now. 

“I need to ask you something.” 

“Sure,” Buck easily agrees. “What’s up? Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, everything’s fine. Uh… Buck, do you like Jack?” 

Buck’s face scrunches up, bemused. “Of course. Everyone likes Jack.”

Eddie pinches the bridge of his nose, sighing. Why is this so hard? It’s not like they’ve ever really outright talked about Buck checking out both men and women, but he also hasn’t ever kept it very well hidden, if he’s even aware himself that he does it at all. Then again, maybe it’s just because this is about someone they work with. Someone a lot younger than them. The gender doesn’t really matter. But it does a little bit, doesn’t it?

“No, I mean, yeah, everyone likes Jack, I like Jack,” Eddie clarifies, “but do you– are you into Jack?”

When Eddie looks up again, he’s met with a horrified expression. 

“ What? No! Jack’s a kid ! Why would you think that?” 

There’s no words for how relieved and simultaneously stupid Eddie feels. He throws up his hands. “I don’t know, man! You’re all buddy buddy, always whispering to each other, and you talk to his dad sometimes, and—”

“What, you want me to talk to your dad too?”

“—you save him cookies, and—”

“I also do that for you!”

“—and you’re acting weird,” Eddie finishes. 

Buck doesn’t have a response to that, his eyes widening like he’s been caught, which is exactly what Eddie is talking about. He is acting weird, even if it’s not for the reasons Eddie had originally thought. (And thank God for that, honestly.)

“I’m not,” Buck denies, his voice higher than usual. 

Eddie squints his eyes at him. “You are , though.”

“I just like Jack,” he defends weakly, quick to add on, “Like a friend . He’s a cool kid. Guy. Whatever. We should invite him over sometime, actually.”

The use of ‘we’ settles Eddie’s nerves a little bit. Buck still thinks of them as a unit, he’s still comfortable in making joint plans. They’re still a team, still BuckAndEddie. Not that Eddie had any doubts of course, but it’s still nice to be reminded that he isn’t being replaced. 

He sighs, letting it go for now. “Yeah, sure. Chris would probably like that, he hasn’t stopped talking about him.” The traitor. At least there’s the chance that Chris will be so excited about Jack that Buck gets to taste how it feels to doubt being in first place. 

(Not that he actually wants Buck to feel that, it kinda really sucks, and he doesn’t want to make Buck feel bad, but just for now he can pretend that there will be some divine punishment for what Eddie has made himself go through during the past few months.)

“Great,” Buck says, traces of a confused frown on his face behind his friendly smile. He points a thumb over his shoulder towards the jeep. “I really need to change, but I’ll see you in an hour?” 

“Yeah.” Eddie waves him off, turning to his own car. “See you soon.”

***

The thing is, suspicious as Buck sometimes acts around Jack—because despite it not being for any type of romantic reasons, something’s still off—he’s the same as ever when they’re alone or with Chris. 

They’re at a flea market that Buck had been talking about wanting to take Chris to this past week, insisting that it’ll be like going on a treasure hunt, just without a map. Eddie hadn’t really been much for looking through the old stuff other people don’t want anymore, but the first time Buck had brought it up it had been in front of Chris, and the kid’s eyes had lit up—as they so often do around Buck when it comes to the man’s ideas—so Eddie didn’t have the heart to say no. 

It’s bigger than he’d expected, stands of people selling old junk as far as the eye can see, and he barely manages to stop himself from grabbing on to Chris so he doesn’t lose him in the crowd. He’s always had a want for independence since he was little, and it’s something that Eddie has made sure to encourage even though most of the time he just wants to pack him up in all the soft things he can find and keep him close where he’s safe from the world. 

It’s not easy letting him make mistakes so he can learn from them, but that’s part of parenting, and Eddie knows he has to make sure his son can make all the mistakes he needs to while still staying safe. It’s hard to do that as a single parent, but luckily he has Buck. Even more luckily, Buck is very good at the ‘keeping Chris safe’ part, and even better at subtly coddling him in a way Chris would never allow Eddie to do. 

Perks of being the best friend instead of the parent.

Like now, Buck has reached out his hand to Chris, which he takes with a smile. He barely wants to hold Eddie’s hand anymore, but he still looks at Buck like he hung the moon, so holding his hand isn’t ‘uncool’ or ‘embarrassing’. Jesus, sometimes Eddie thinks that Chris is slowly turning into a teenager early, but he guesses that’s why they call it a pre-teen. 

They walk around different stands, Chris and Buck both practically vibrating with excitement when they find something they think is fun. Eddie watches them with fond eyes, enjoying having his little family together, seeing them joke around. 

Chris is his entire world. Eddie couldn’t be happier that his kid seems close to being the same thing to Buck. All three of them just work together in a way he never imagined a guy and his son could work with said guy’s best friend. 

The only downside is the looks they sometimes get—people assuming that Eddie and Buck are an actual couple—but those don’t really bother Eddie anymore. It was a little weird at first, when Shannon was still alive, but now he just shrugs it off. He should be so lucky to be in a relationship with someone like Buck, but unfortunately he can’t imagine ever finding anyone who could live up to that impossible standard. 

Well… unless he actually just dates Buck, but that… he can’t do that , now can he? 

With Chris and Buck wandering to yet another booth, Eddie lets himself fall behind to take a moment dealing with that pit in his stomach he tends to get when a thought doesn’t sit right with him. He’s still not sure how to deal with it, but he’s been working with Frank to sort through different emotions, identifying them, and then figuring out if it’s something he can handle on his own or if it’s something he should bring up either in their next session or to one of his friends (Buck). 

He rarely does the last step, but the first ones he can try to do. 

Attention aimed at his stomach, he thinks it might be… fear? No, that’s not it. It’s… there’s also tension in his shoulders, he notices now, like he’s waiting to be reprimanded. Is it guilt? Yeah, maybe, it sort of feels like he’s done something wrong. So what triggered that feeling?

Oh. 

Right. The whole, ‘dating Buck’ thing. The belated sexuality crisis he’s been purposefully not going through. 

Fuck. 

This actually is something he’s talked very briefly about with Frank, but he quickly decided that he very much did not have time for that shit right now. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with being gay or bi or whatever. Not to sound like a cliche, but some of his best friends are queer! He’s not a homophobe, he really isn’t, Eddie’s just… Well, he’s not like that, right? He’s not supposed to be. He’s supposed to be in the background, a proud supporter while he keeps living his own life, which may or may not be a bastardization of what he was raised to do, if you asked his parents, but it’s a life he’s content with. He’s got Chris, and Buck, and his entire team. He doesn’t need anything else. 

He hasn’t even had that thought about Buck in a while now. He’s been doing a pretty good job of keeping that crisis locked away for the time being, out of sight and out of mind, so what the hell made him think of that again? Stupid question, Eddie already knows it’s because he thought of how well they all worked together. Something he’s been continuously reminding himself after Buck and Jack started growing closer.

Wait.

Huh. Maybe he actually was jealous of–

“Dad!” Christopher calls him over, breaking him out of his thoughts. Damn does he love his kid. Chris really has a knack for saving Eddie from himself sometimes. 

“Yeah?” Eddie makes his way over to the other two who are standing by a table drowning in all different kinds of books. 

“Can I get this? It looks really cool!” Chris hands him a black book with two muscular men (one of them without a shirt on, holding a shot-gun) looking broody while standing in front of a black car. Eddie raises a brow at Buck over Chris’ head, which he gets a helpless shrug for in return. 

“ Supernatural by Carver Edlund,” Eddie reads out loud. He flips the book over and reads the back. “ Along a lonely California highway, a mysterious Woman in White lures men to their–” Eddie cuts himself off from reading the rest out loud, continuing in his head; deaths… a terrifying phenomenon that may be Sam and Dean’s first clue to their father’s whereabouts. 

“I don’t know about this, mijo. I think it’s a little too adult for you just yet.”

“Dad, pleeease? The lady said it’s about solving urban legends! It has ghosts and stuff!”

Eddie glances at wherever this ‘lady’ might be, thinking of voicing his thoughts about what kind of books she thinks is appropriate to recommend to a ten-year-old, but Buck, ever the master at preventing a potential tantrum, crouches down to Chris’ eyelevel with his big hands on Chris small, bony shoulders. 

“How about this? Your dad can read it first, and if it’s appropriate you can read it after, but if it’s a little too graphic, you can read it together.” He glances up at Eddie like he so often does when he takes charge of something that has to do with parenting, and Eddie nods at him, silently agreeing to the terms. 

Chris huffs, put out about having his book screened beforehand, but then he nods. “Okay, that’s fair.” He then looks up at Eddie. “So can I get it?”

Eddie sighs. This isn’t usually the type of book he would read himself, but oh well. What he wouldn’t do for his son. “Okay. But!” he quickly adds when Chris’ face lights up, “if I catch you reading it before I’ve given the go-ahead, then I’ll throw it into the next house on fire I see, got it?” 

Chris nods, his smile bright and full of joy as he takes the book out of Eddie’s hands, turning to the infamous ‘lady’ that has suddenly appeared on the other side of the stand. “I got it!” he tells Eddie before finalising the purchase with the seller. 

“You couldn’t have hidden the book with the half-naked men from him?” Eddie mutters to Buck while they watch Chris unfold his few dollar bills to pay. 

“I promise, he saw it before I did. But hey, now you have something to read at least. I know you just finished the book you’ve been reading for the past month.”

“Always looking at the bright side, aren’t you?” 

Buck grins at him. “One of us has to.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah.”

***

Safe to say, Chris will not be reading this book. Eddie knew this after reading the very first scene where the mother burned to death on the ceiling. Even if Chris didn’t already have a heap of dead-mom related trauma, no ten-year-old should read something so graphic. Even if Eddie was willing to look past that—because, hey, he can just skip that part if they’re reading it together—the next part is when the older brother goes to pick up the other one and he shamelessly flirts with the younger brother’s girlfriend. Of course then there’s the whole case with the woman in white, the violent themes and undertones. 

Yeah, no. There’s no way for Eddie to even read this out loud to him with all the necessary censorship and have it still make sense. Chris just isn’t old enough for this book yet.

Eddie is though. 

He really didn’t expect to like it, and there are parts of it he doesn’t. It’s not actually a very good book (the way the author writes isn’t the best in his opinion) but he still finds himself inexplicably hooked. He’s kind of curious about the larger plot; something he assumes will unfold in the sequel that he really hopes exists. He wants to know if they find their dad, and what actually happened to their mom. 

Which is why he found the entire series on ebay (and holy hell there’s a lot ) and didn’t hesitate to buy it. 

It wasn’t even that expensive, it’s obviously not a very popular series, so he doesn’t feel guilty at all about spending money on it. 

The only bump in his little binge-reading road is the fact that he can’t have them at home; he has to keep them in his car like they’re contraband he’s hiding from his parents. Chris blessedly forgot about the book around a week after they bought it, too preoccupied with school, friends, and all the other things Buck got for him at the flea market to bother fretting over whether or not he would get to read it. However, Eddie knows his son well, and if Chris even catches so much as a glimpse of the cover, the instant obsession with getting to read it would come back tenfold, and then Eddie would have to deal with the consequences of having to put his foot down. 

So, those are all the reasons why, on a lull between calls, Buck finds him reading on the couch. 

“Is that the book for Chris?” he asks as he lifts Eddie’s feet off the cushion, putting them in his lap after he’s settled down himself. 

Turning the page, because he’s almost finished with this chapter, Eddie responds, “The fourth one, actually, and under no circumstances will Chris be reading any of them until he’s at least sixteen.”

Buck snorts. “That bad?” 

“Oh, they’re awful alright. The writing is atrocious , but the plot is pretty good.”

Finishing the chapter, Eddie marks his page and puts the book down, looking up at Buck who’s staring at him with an amused expression. 

“I meant if it was too graphic for him, but thanks for the review.” 

Eddie rolls his eyes, pulling his legs off of Buck to sit up straight. “Well, yeah, that too. Their mom burns to death in the first one, there’s a wendigo in the second, a ghost-boy living in a lake in the third, and they’ve just introduced demons crashing planes in this one.”

“Yikes.” Buck winces. “Yeah, probably not good for Chris to read stuff like that yet.”

“No kidding,” Eddie agrees. “Not to mention the religious themes. I don’t need Chris to whisper ‘Christo’ or splash any ‘holy water’ on someone during a family get-together. I might be cool about the whole thing, but I don’t need to give my parents any more reasons to criticize my parenting choices.”

“But what if a higher power lead Chris to the book? What if God wants him to read it?” Buck ponders with a weirdly thoughtful frown, as if he’s kidding but not really. 

“A higher power?” Eddie echoes, remembering the last time Buck mentioned the concept, back in the cave. “Were you actually serious back then? About becoming religious?”

Buck blinks rapidly for a few seconds, like he’s coming back from a wild train of thought that had put him off-line for a moment. 

“Yeah, I mean, kind of...?”

“Huh,” Eddie says. He hadn’t actually thought Buck’s answer would be yes , and he’s not really sure how to feel about it. “What kind?”

“Uh…” Buck seems to think about it, his brows scrunched up. There’s something else on his face too, something… shifty? Uncomfortable? They’ve never found a topic between them that they couldn’t talk about, but maybe this is one? 

Eventually, Buck clears his throat. “Guess I'm just…” He shrugs. “Spiritual.”

“Spiritual?” Eddie repeats. 

Buck pulls a face at whatever he reads from Eddie’s expression, which may or may not be some form of doubt. “C'mon, don't look at me like that,” he defends, his apparently tense shoulders easing up with his teasing smile. “It could be worse.”

Eddie doesn’t think Buck being spiritual is inherently bad in the first place—just kind of… weird, maybe, in a way that Eddie will not unpack, thank you very much—but he’ll still play along to whatever this is. “How so?”

“I dunno.” Buck shrugs, glancing at the other team members mulling about. “What if I just started worshipping a person?” His eyes catch onto one member in particular as he says, “Jack would make a pretty good God, don't you think?”

Eddie laughs. “Yeah, no, and if you ever want her to share another recipe with you, don't let my abuela hear you talk like that.”

“What? What's so wrong with that? I think he would do a good job.”

Eddie sends him a dead-pan look. Had Buck made that comment just a few weeks ago, Eddie’s initial reaction might have been bitterly muttering something along of the lines of ‘yeah, I’m sure you do’ and chalk it all up to Buck having a (really inappropriate and uncomfortable for everyone around) crush on Jack, making him put him on a pedestal, but Eddie knows better now. After their talk, after seeing the horror on Buck’s face from Eddie even suggesting anything romantic between them, Eddie has sort of observed Jack and Buck’s interactions with a fresh pair of eyes.

Don’t get him wrong, Buck’s actions around Jack are still all kinds of weird and intense, but now that he’s able to think about this more clearly, it’s so obvious that Buck’s intentions and feelings towards Jack firmly fall under the paternal category. 

That is to say; Buck acts almost identically towards Jack as he does to Christopher, with only a few exceptions like not avoiding to curse around him and trusting him to be strong enough to hold Buck’s weight on calls if need be.

But even so, this behavior of Buck’s is still weird . They haven’t even known Jack that long, and no matter how many times everyone on the team calls him a kid he’s very much an adult, so Eddie’s still suspicious as hell about whatever is going on and why Buck seems so insistent on fussing over him all the time. 

One thing Eddie can admit to himself though, is that he might have given Jack a harder time than necessary. He hasn’t been outright hostile towards him, mind you, but he has kind of kept a certain distance from him, something that hasn’t really been fair and that Eddie feels guilty about. Which is why they did end up inviting Jack over at one point. Unsurprisingly, Christopher loved it, and Eddie will admit that he had fun too. Jack’s a good guy, and it won’t be the last time he comes over to hang out.

But, with that said…

“Buck, if God walked among us, I doubt he would take the form of a probie firefighter who’s also a teenage boy with two dads.”

Because that’s what Eddie was taught. He might have distanced himself from the church, but he still remembers going. He remembers the priest, the teachers at the catholic school he went to as a kid, and the not so kind words they had for the gay community. He remembers his mom singing along to ‘One of Us’ by Joan Osborne and telling an anxiety ridden Sophia that, while God is everywhere and sees everything, she would not be bumping into him on the street anytime soon.  

Buck shrugs, turning his eyes from Jack and back to Eddie with a teasing smirk. “You never know.”

Eddie huffs out a laugh just as the bell rings. “Sure, whatever you say.”

***

Eddie’s always been proud of having a good poker-face. Being raised as he was, being ex-military, generally just growing up with two sisters, he’s learned how to keep his thoughts protected behind an impenetrable mask that no one is able to see through (with the exception of Buck) but this fucking book-series is really testing him. 

Apparently, dark themes and death are not the only things not age-appropriate for Chris in the Supernatural universe. There’s sex scenes too. 

The first time it happens, Eddie is thankfully sitting alone in the bunk room at the station, so no one is there to witness how he chokes on his own spit when it doesn’t fade to black after Dean has taken off his shirt. 

Now, Eddie’s seen porn before, of course he has, but he’s never read it. It seems so much more up close and personal in words somehow, and he can’t for the life of him figure out why the author thought it was necessary to keep it in. 

It didn’t stop him from reading on of course (though only after sending a silent apology for his actions to whatever might be listening/watching him) but it did make him more cautious when reading out in the open. Especially when he comes across the next one, and then the next, and the next… 

The author clearly wants to beat his readers over the head with how much Dean sleeps around, because so far he’s the only one who gets any explicit sex scenes. 

Thankfully, they seem to have stopped after Dean made a deal with a demon to save his brother, so Eddie’s not too worried about reading it out in the open anymore. 

Eddie reading has become somewhat of a group activity too. Most of the team members who have caught him with his nose in the book have asked what it’s about, and occasionally Chim will even ask for updates, claiming that he doesn’t want to read them himself but still wants to know what happens. 

When Eddie told him that Dean went to hell, Chim demanded to know if there were more books, and Eddie considered lying and saying there wasn’t. 

Then Eddie finished the entire series, and a part of him wishes there wasn’t, because what the hell?

“Right into the hole in the ground, Buck!” Eddie complains. “And Dean just has to go on and live his life! His whole purpose was to protect Sam, and now he’s, what, gonna go play house ? I can’t believe it ends like this!”

Buck is clearly laughing at him on the inside, but Eddie honestly couldn’t care less, because what the hell? What kind of way is that to end a story? 

“Sounds like it really pulled you in, considering it’s ‘such a bad book’, ” he teases. 

Eddie glares at him. “Read it yourself before you judge me.”

“Hey, I’m not judging,” Buck denies, hands up in surrender. “I’m glad you had fun.”

“Fun with what?” Jack asks as he walks to the table they’re lounging at with a cup of what is either tea or hot cocoa (the latter something that Cap bought just because of him, since he’s not a fan of coffee). 

“Eddie’s been obsessed with some books, but he’s disappointed by the ending,” Hen explains from wherever she’s hiding away doing her own thing, always aware of what everyone else is doing around her even when she’s not actively part of a conversation.

Used to this, Jack doesn’t bat an eye, sitting down on the chair that Buck pulls out for him. “What kind of books?” 

With a pout and a shove—because seriously, fuck Carver Edlund for doing this to him—Eddie slides the book over to Jack. “It’s called Supernatural . I wouldn’t recommend it.” Which he wouldn’t, not to anyone, but especially not to Jack. The sex scenes are no joke. It doesn’t matter that Jack is an adult, he’s too innocent to be exposed to that. 

“I didn’t know you could still get these,” Jack suddenly says, eyes looking a little wide. Buck sits up straighter, attention entirely on Jack in a mildly intense way. 

“You know them?”

Jack nods. “Uh-huh. The, uh, the main characters are brothers. Sam and Dean. Just like my Sam and Dean,” he says, looking imploringly at Buck, whose jaw seems to drop for some reason. 

Eddie is… confused. For all that he likes Jack, and doesn’t mind his and Buck’s relationship as much as he did at first, he’s still a little off-put sometimes when they do this silent-conversation thing. 

“Seriously?” Buck asks Jack, his voice low like it’s just for him, but still loud enough that Eddie can make it out. “You mean…?”

“That they have the exact same names? Yes. I think there’s even an angel named Castiel in this too.” Jack looks over at Eddie. “Right?” 

Now wide-eyed, Buck turns to Eddie as well. 

“Uh, yeah. That’s right. I actually didn’t really think about that, but yeah. Kinda a crazy coincidence, huh?” 

Buck turns back to Jack with what is clearly a question on the tip of his tongue, but then Jack is already up and out of the chair, excusing himself to go take stock of some supplies. Buck turns back to Eddie, reaching for the book and looking at it like it’s the holy grail. 

“You still got all the copies, right?”

“Uh, yeah?”

“Can I borrow them?”

“Oh, so now you want to read them? Seriously, Buck, I really wouldn’t recommend it. Not just because of the writing or the bad ending, but there’s–” Eddie cuts himself off, checking around them to make sure no one—not even Hen—is listening in as he confesses the mortal sin of having read through all those explicit scenes. “There’s, like, full on porn in there. Dean sleeps around, a lot , and the author is weirdly fixated on it at some points.”

Buck starts coughing violently like he’s choking. Surprised, Eddie claps him on the back despite knowing that it won’t really do anything. 

“There’s what? ” he rasps out after the worst of it passes. “And you read through it?” 

Eddie shrugs, thanking God that the alarm goes off so he doesn’t have to think about hiding the flush rising from his neck. “I was kinda committed by that point,” he mutters. “Let’s go.”

He thinks he hears Buck whisper something to himself about hoping that Jack never has and never will read them, and although Eddie agrees, he’s not sure why Buck feels so strongly about it. 

***

Buck is acting weird again. 

Or, well, not weird in the sense he was before—and still is—but something’s definitely off. 

They’re at a Grant-Nash barbecue, the weather is nice, the children are all playing and having fun, their screams and shrieks of joy (Jack has been swinging them around with strength you wouldn’t believe from someone who usually looks kind of lanky) fill the yard along with the pleasant conversations and laughter of the adults. 

Karen, Chimney, and Maddie are talking with drinks in hand; Athena and Hen are chatting nearby. Other members of their little (pretty extended, actually) family are mulling about, but Buck is for some reason keeping as much to himself as possible. Which, in fairness, isn’t all that much, since he can never escape being a social butterfly, but still enough for Eddie to take notice. 

What he also notices—while at the same time trying to keep up the conversation he’s currently having with May—is that Buck seems to be moving in a great big circle avoiding Dean. Because yes, Jack’s parents are here. He’d asked Bobby, when the invitation to the barbecue was given in the group chat, if he could invite Cas and Dean, something Bobby could see no issue agreeing to. 

Now, with the way Buck seems almost allergic to being closer than 20 feet to Dean, or just looking at him in general, Eddie would assume that something had happened between them, or that maybe he for some reason is feeling skittish around one of Jack’s parents? 

But since he lights up when Cas comes to talk to him, Eddie decides that the former is probably more likely. 

He watches Dean then, who’s standing by the grill with Bobby, a friendly smile and lax shoulders while they talk about the best way to grill a burger. 

Buck would have told him if anything had happened, right? Eddie would know if Buck had a reason for not liking Dean, or even if he just gave Buck a ‘bad vibe’ or something. But Buck has never said anything. As far as Eddie knows, the only time Buck and Dean has ever seen each other or interacted before today was that time when Jack’s dads came to visit the station after Jack lost a woman on call. 

He knows that Buck has been in contact with Cas, but he hasn’t heard anything about him being in contact with Dean too, so what gives?

Athena calls May over, and she excuses herself from the conversation Eddie wasn’t paying nearly as much attention to as he should when talking to a friend, but he doesn’t think about it too much, because then Buck is doing the same to Eddie.

“Hey Eds, this is Castiel, Jack’s dad,” Buck introduces when Eddie reaches them.

Even though they’ve technically met before, they’ve never really interacted much aside from a brief nod when he went to comfort Jack that one time, so when Cas reaches out a hand for Eddie to shake, he takes it. 

“Eddie Diaz. Nice to properly meet you.”

“Likewise,” Castiel says, his voice deeper than Eddie expected. “Jack talks a lot about the team, it’s nice to finally get acquainted with them ourselves.” He then turns to Buck with a small smile. “Also, I’ve told you before, Buck. People just call me Cas.” 

“I know that,” Buck says sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “Just seems a little weird. You’re an– you’re named after an angel. Feels like I should use the full thing.” 

Mind going back to catholic school—something he tends to avoid thinking too much about—the name ‘Castiel’ does seem to ring a bell. 

“Oh yeah,” Eddie mutters. “Isn’t Castiel the angel of solitude or something?” Eddie thinks he can recall liking that angel when he was a moody young teen feeling isolated and misunderstood. 

Cas nods, his face sort of impassive in a way that makes Eddie think it’s normal for it to be so. “You’re correct. The angel of Thursday’s and solitude, name meaning ‘Shield of God’.” 

Buck’s snort is hidden behind a sip of his beer, and he mutters something under his breath that Eddie doesn’t hear. Recovering from whatever had him lose his composure, Buck then shoots Eddie a teasing grin before turning to Cas to say, “Don’t buy the oblivious act. Eddie probably knows all about the angel, since he’s been obsessed with the Supernatural books lately.”

Cas’ brows scrunch together in a thoughtful frown. “I don’t recall those books mentioning much of what Castiel was an angel of.”

Battling through the embarrassment that he for some reason feels from Buck outing this particular reading habit of his to Cas, Eddie raises his brows in surprise. “You’ve read them?” 

“Much to Dean’s dismay, yes.”

“He not a fan?”

“He very much dislikes the author. As do I.” 

Eddie snorts. “Yeah, I gotta agree with you guys on that. I mean, he even wrote himself into the story, then wrote about the characters reading the story about them reading about themselves. At some point it just gets too meta.” 

“What’s too meta?” Dean pipes up, having appeared at Cas’ side. Eddie feels Buck tense beside him, and he lightly knocks their shoulders together, sending him a questioning look that Buck shakes his head at. 

“We’re discussing the Supernatural books,” Cas explains, taking the bottle of beer Dean is handing him with a kiss to his cheek that causes color to appear on Dean’s face. It’s sort of sweet, actually, how they’ve been together for years but Cas seems to easily fluster Dean with such a small display of affection. 

The pink hues coloring his skin disappear quickly at the mention of the books though, Dean’s face screwing up like he’s smelled something foul. “Why would you do that? They suck, don’t read them.”

“That seems to be the consensus, yes. Eddie was just talking about how he doesn’t care much for the author’s decisions.” 

Turning his attention away from Cas for the first time since joining them, Dean nods approvingly at Eddie.  “Fuck Chuck.” 

Eddie’s just about to ask who Chuck is, when Buck practically spits beer all over himself, all three men turning to him with varying degrees of worry on their face. 

Reaching out to steady him unnecessarily, Eddie asks, “You okay, man?”

Buck coughs a few times, eyes jumping from Dean to Cas to Eddie. “Y-yeah, yeah, I’m– I’m good, I’m just gonna– gonna go get cleaned up, don’t mind me.”

Eddie manages to stay and talk to the two men for a few more minutes before heading inside to check on Buck—finding out in those few minutes that Chuck is the actual name of the author of Supernatural, who they found out to be a bit of a dick when they both had the misfortune of meeting him—and he finds him in the bathroom splashing water on his face. 

Eddie leans against the doorframe. “What’s your deal today?”

Watching him from the mirror, Buck asks, “What do you mean?” 

“You’ve been acting off and like Dean is contagious if you get too close. Did something happen?”

Buck shakes his head a little too much to be believable. “Uh, no. No, nothing’s happened.” 

“Then what is it?” 

“Buck! Eddie! Food’s ready!” someone calls from outside. Buck smiles at him with a what-can-you-do kind of shrug, but Eddie sees the relief behind the facade. 

He points a threatening finger at him. “This isn’t over.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Buck retorts innocently. 

(Funnily enough, Buck doesn’t appear to be the only one at the party avoiding someone; the second Dean catches wind of Athena’s profession, he seems to shy away from her, using Jack and Cas as a buffer any chance he gets when she starts asking about him specifically. This should probably ring some alarm-bells for those who witness it, but honestly it’s just kind of entertaining seeing Athena be intimidating to a built man like Dean, who Eddie also suspects might be some sort of ex-military judging from the way he surveys his surroundings, any sudden sound that might appear, and always angles himself to protect his back and keep his eyes where he can see everything else.)

All in all, the barbecue is pretty much a success, like it always is. The kids had fun—Christopher certainly crashed hard when they came home the way he usually does after an exciting day out—the adults got to have adult conversations, and everyone ate their fill of some good food. 

***

At least the fire is basically dealt with . That’s the notion Eddie is repeating in his head while searching through the unstable structures of the building. It wasn’t really a residential complex, but it’s commonly known to be a place where the local homeless people would take shelter from the harsh outside environment. 

So Eddie looks. He searches for any victims while trying his best to stabilize the rotten and/or burnt wood around him. 

Buck is around here somewhere. He doesn’t have eyes on him, but they split up about two minutes ago, so even if Eddie couldn’t call him on the radio, he’s probably just a shout away. The rest of the team is scattered, some outside, some inside, most just waiting to be done so they can return to the station. 

Eddie’s just about to give in and admit that there’s no one here, when he sees a pair of feet sticking out of some rubble. 

He calls for Buck, but doesn’t wait for him before he starts digging out the person underneath the gravel. When the first large piece of debris is off, the man groans. There’s no way to tell if he’s awake, or how responsive he actually is at this point, but at least Eddie now knows that he’s alive. 

“It’s okay,” Eddie assures him when more noises erupt from the now diminishing pile. “I’m with fire and rescue. I’ll get you out soon, just stay still.” 

As soon as the man is free—looking a little worse for wear, but seemingly not in any critical condition—Eddie starts asking the routine questions, getting ready to check his vitals and consider whatever injuries he may have, and how to proceed from here. 

But as Eddie is getting closer to check his pupils—trying not to think about the weird and unpleasant smell invading his nostril the closer he gets—the man launches at him. 

Not just that, he barrels into Eddie with surprising strength for someone who almost got crushed just a minute ago, knocking the breath out of him and pinning him to the floor. 

Having at some point reached him, Buck is calling out his name in a panic, trying to dislodge the foul-smelling man on top of him. The man’s face is close to Eddie’s, breath rank, an undercurrent of something metallic, and his teeth are a little too sharp for his liking, like they’ve been filed to be that way. There’s also something in his eyes, something not quite right . It reminds Eddie of a predator, of something acting off instinct without much conscious thought behind it. 

It makes Eddie feel like prey in a way he hasn’t ever before, and to his immense confusion and horror, he feels himself starting to freeze up in fear, the strength he’s using to keep the man’s weirdly sharp (and are there also… more than normal?) teeth away from his face is slowly seeping out of him. 

Eddie has the sudden thought that this might be how he dies.

Then Jack appears at Buck’s side, and the man is finally lifted off of Eddie, Jack’s arms around the thrashing man, holding him in place while Buck helps Eddie up on his feet. The man looks livid, but Jack simply smiles, unfazed, and leads him away, saying how he’ll make sure that he’s okay and let Eddie catch his breath. 

Buck is on him then, checking him over with wide eyes and shaky hands that Eddie’s not sure how to interpret. 

Sure, it can be scary when the people they’re trying to help turn against them, but it’s not like it’s never happened before. When faced with a scary situation, adrenalin being the only thing keeping you going, you can’t always think rationally, so it’s not the first time that a person has jumped a member of the team. 

Buck seems pretty freaked out despite all that though—honestly, Eddie is too, but they can’t both be freaked out at the same time, so he pulls his shit together—and he lets Buck do whatever he needs to until he’s satisfied that Eddie’s okay. 

The rest of the day, Buck seems to hunch in on himself, a thoughtful frown on his face and the body language of someone feeling guilty. 

***

Having just put Chris to bed—a little later than usual, since he really felt the need to keep him close for a little while longer after what happened on that one call—Eddie’s standing in the kitchen cleaning up some dishes when there’s two knocks on the door, followed by it being opened and then closed. 

Wiping his hands with a dishtowel, Eddie leans against the counter, facing the doorway that Buck appears in a few seconds later. 

“Hey, man,” Eddie greets, putting the towel away and walking to the fridge, taking out two beers. He hands one to Buck, but pauses when he sees the look on his face. “What’s wrong?”

Buck takes the beer out of Eddie’s hand but doesn’t open it, opting instead to roll the bottle between his palms. His bottom lip is red and swollen, like he’s been worrying it for hours the way that he’s also doing right now, a furrow in his brows, his eyes shifting every which way that isn’t at Eddie. 

“I have to tell you something,” Buck says, his voice quiet and nervous. 

Eddie gestures to the living room, leading them over to the couch. Once they’ve sat down—Eddie’s body angled towards Buck—he decides to open both of their beers. Buck doesn’t resist, his fingers lax around the glass, like he’s not really aware that he’s holding it in the first place. 

Anxiety thrums through Eddie, because this seems serious. Impactful. He has the vague notion that this has something to do with how weird Buck’s been acting, and he can’t say that he’s not extremely curious, but with the way things are looking now, Eddie’s almost apprehensive about finding out the truth.

When Buck doesn’t say anything for a while, gaze fixed on the table unseeingly, Eddie knocks their knees together with a comforting smile. “You can tell me anything, Buck. You know that.”

It seems that was all Eddie needed to do, because then the floodgates open, and Buck starts to ramble, his hands gesturing wildly while one leg bounces with rapid speed. 

“I… It’s gonna sound crazy, and you're gonna think I'm crazy, and I promised Jack not to tell, but if you don't know, if you don't have the full picture, then you can't be prepared, can't take precautions, and if something happens again and Jack isn't there to help, then--"

“Buck,” Eddie interrupts, not understanding what the hell he’s talking about. “Breathe. You're not making any sense. Whatever it is, I promise I'm not gonna think you're crazy.” Buck has always tended to sway more towards the dramatic, making a mountain out of a molehill more often than not when it comes to things he cares about, and Buck cares about a lot of things.

“The books are real,” Buck finally blurts out, like it’s some big, life altering reveal.

Not for the first time, Eddie is thoroughly confused. 

“Sorry, what? Books?”

Buck licks his lips, takes a deep breath, clearly bracing himself. Then, with a calm air of finality and determination that only serves to make Eddie tense up, Buck turns to him, looks him in the eyes, and starts explaining. 

“The Supernatural books. They're real. Dean, Castiel, Sam, the apocalypse, monsters, it's all real. Everything in it happened, but things didn't stop after the book ended. Sam came back, Dean and Castiel ended up having Jack…” Buck falters a bit, but it’s impossible to know if it’s from whatever look is on Eddie’s face, or from what he’s about to say next, but the rest comes out slightly breathless and mildly distressed. “Eddie, God is real, and they fought him too, and now Jack's –”

“Buck,” Eddie finally interrupts. “What the hell, man? Did you hit your head or something?” Because the way Buck is talking, his tone of voice, his body language, it all reads to Eddie as truthful, but Buck can’t seriously believe what he’s saying right now, so something must have happened. A spark of fear in his heart airs out the idea that Buck might have a tumour or something.  

Buck shakes his head, eyes wide and pleading. “No, Eds, I swear, I'm telling you–”

Eddie holds up a hand, silencing him. Because what the hell even is this conversation? He squashes down the tumour theory—it’s too awful to even entertain—and tries to figure out what other reasons there could be that Buck is saying all this stuff. 

Then one theory dawns over his mind, and Eddie suddenly feels… very tired. And a little hurt. Stupid for getting so worked up and worried when all Buck was doing was… this. He pinches the bridge of his nose, sighing. 

“So you just came here to, what, make fun of me?” Because that’s gotta be it, right? Multiple of their coworkers, including Buck, have taken jabs at Eddie’s little hobby during the time he was reading them, so he wouldn’t put it past Buck to keep up the teasing, but this just seems a little too far. “The book's fiction, Buck. There's no such thing as monsters, and are you seriously expecting me to believe that I've been reading about Jack's parents?” 

Buck shifts on the couch, speaking quickly and like he believes what he’s saying. “The man who jumped you today. Eddie, he wasn't a man, he was a vampire , and if Jack hadn't held him back, he would have killed you! I need you to believe me, because then you can be prepared to defend yourself or– or Christopher if you ever run into another monster again! Jack says he's hands off as God, so he can't be everywhere at once, and I just–”

“Buck. Stop.” Buck joking about Jack being God was mildly amusing at best, but Eddie doesn't like how far he's taking it, doesn’t like that he’s bringing Chris’ safety into this grand delusion. There’s a sour turning sensation in his stomach that he can’t figure out, but it doesn’t feel great. It’s mildly nauseating and claustrophobic. “I need you to stop. This isn't funny, and I don't know why you think it would be.”

Buck winces like he’s in pain, his voice cracking when he speaks. “I'm not kidding, Eddie! It's all–”

“Get out.”

Wide-eyed, Buck freezes. “What?”

Eddie, just as surprised as Buck by the venom in his own voice, sighs again. He stands up, hands on his hips, and only speaks once he knows he’s calm enough to do so. “I'm tired, we got an early shift tomorrow, and I don't appreciate whatever this is.”  

Buck stares up at him, looking helpless and at a loss. “But it's– Eddie, I–”

Eddie doesn’t let him finish, doesn’t think he wants to hear whatever Buck has to say. “Crash on the couch if you don't want to go home, but I'm done with this conversation,” he says, voice hard, not leaving room for compromise or question. He turns to walk towards his bedroom, throwing a muttered, “Goodnight, Buck,” over his shoulder. 

***

Station 118 is like a family in many ways. They won’t hesitate to stand in front of danger, or take risks, when it comes to protecting each other. On break—or even sometimes when on call, if the opportunity presents itself—they’ll bicker and tease each other good naturedly, just like Eddie does with his sisters. When one of them has a win, everyone has a win, and when one of them experiences a loss, everyone mourns in solidarity. 

The 118’s dynamic is a huge plus in Eddie’s book. It makes work worthwhile, makes him feel like he’s getting something out of it other than just a paycheck, makes him enjoy being there and feeling the invisible bond between all of them keep him steady. 

Problem is, when your team is as close knit a family as theirs is, it’s palpable when two members are fighting outside of work. 

The second he and Buck see each other at the station there’s a thick, heavy blanket of wrongness settling over every member. Eddie tries his best to smile and nod in greeting, tries to act like nothing's wrong, but the lie gets sniffed out almost instantly, and the atmosphere is off for the rest of the day. 

Accepting that he can’t pretend otherwise, Eddie doesn’t bother to hide that he’s avoiding Buck. Hen and Chim send them both worried glances for the first few hours, but they both know better than to ask until at least the half-way point of their shift. 

Buck seems to be hunching in on himself like a scolded puppy the entire day, which doesn’t make it easy for Eddie to keep being mad at him, but every time he decides that enough is enough, that Buck didn’t mean anything by what he said, that Eddie should just go over to him, pat him on the shoulder and tell him that they’re good, the sour turning in his stomach returns, and he can’t make himself take that first step. 

By the end of their shift, he can tell that multiple people—mostly Hen and Bobby—are considering talking to one of them, namely Eddie, but every time Eddie catches that soft, careful look in someone’s eyes, he hardens his expression, crosses his arms across his chest, anything to discourage them from trying to get him to talk it out. He even makes sure to be the last to change in the locker room, just so no one can corner him in there. 

Which is why he’s so surprised, when he’s sitting on the bench and tying his shoes, that Jack suddenly plops down beside him. 

“Hey, kid,” Eddie greets, keeping his eyes on his shoelaces. “Thought everyone went home.”

“They did,” Jack says, “but Buck has been sad today, and you’ve been quiet, so I wanted to ask you about it.”

“Couldn’t ask Buck?” 

“I did.”

Eddie straightens up, turning to Jack with a raised eyebrow. “And?”

“And now I’m asking you too.”

Sighing, Eddie rubs a hand over his face, looking out through the glass walls at the B-team bustling about, doing some inventory, cleaning, all that stuff. 

“It’s really nothing, Jack. Buck just made a stupid joke. I didn’t take it well.”

Jack tilts his head. “What did he say?”

“He tried to tell me that the books I’ve been reading aren't fiction,” Eddie explains. Even just having to repeat the event makes him feel uncomfortable, but he powers through it for some reason that he can’t explain. “And that your parents actually saved the world. That monsters and angels exist.”

“And you don’t believe him?”

“What?” Eddie scrunches his brows, confused, and looks directly at Jack, who seems completely at ease, like the answer to his question could be anything other than no. “Of course not, he was just making fun of me, for some reason.”

“Why would that be making fun of you?”

Eddie sighs, planning to just say something like he has no idea, or that it was because of the books he’s been reading, but instead what comes out is, “I was raised catholic, but don’t really… I’m not big on religion anymore. Or… practicing it, anyway. Guess he figured, since I’m still somewhat religious, he could just… convince me of anything, or something.“ The words seem to spill out of him without his consent or conscious thought. He didn’t even realize he thought that until he said it out loud. He’s also not entirely sure why he’s airing out all this to Jack, but there’s just something about sitting here alone with him that makes it hard not to spill his guts. 

Jack hums a little, considering. “That seems like a mean way to make fun of someone.”

“Yeah.” Eddie huffs out an unamused laugh. “No kidding.”

He looks at Eddie imploringly. “Buck doesn't seem like the type of person to do that.”

I know, that’s what confuses me the most. 

“You trying to tell me he wasn't lying?”

Jack shrugs. “Maybe he just wanted you to believe that someone out there is looking out for humanity,” Jack suggests, his voice soft. “That someone fights for all of us.”

Then… something happens. Eddie can’t pinpoint if the air has changed, or if something has reached into his soul and warmed it up, or if Jack just aged fifty years without looking remotely different, but suddenly there’s this calm, this feeling of being understood, settling deep in his gut for seemingly no rhyme or reason, and Eddie is… okay, in a way.

He looks at Jack like he’s never seen him before but has known him his entire life, then can’t help but chuckle at a particular thought popping into his head. 

“You know, he once joked that you’re God, and last night tried to insist it wasn't a joke at all.”

Jack smiles crookedly. “Would it be weird if I was?”

Eddie snorts. “I mean, yeah. When I think of God, I think of this wrathful looming figure,” he explains, the next part slipping out of his mouth without meaning to, “not a probie with two dads.” 

Jack looks confused, maybe a little careful, and the calm feeling stutters in his chest but thankfully doesn’t go away entirely. 

“Why does that matter?” Jack asks.

“It doesn't,” Eddie hurries to say. “It’s just– the church I grew up with didn't really like same-sex couples, is all. Guess some part of me is still affected by that.”

Jack nods, taking a second to process that before looking out at the B-team, Eddie following his gaze. “It’s funny how you described god as a looming figure and not someone human,” he notes. 

Eddie shrugs. “Well, yeah, He’s above everything else, right? He’s more than that.”

“Okay, but if he’s not human, then what’s to say he thinks all that much about gender and which gender loves who?” Jack counters. “Wouldn't a wrathful god be more concerned with keeping everyone in line?”

And suddenly that feeling of being understood turns into understanding . There’s an invisible weight on his chest that, while not disappearing completely, suddenly feels much, much lighter. 

“Huh.” Eddie exhales deeply. “Maybe you’re right.”

The expression on Jack’s face when Eddie turns to look at him again makes Eddie think that Jack has gained the weight Eddie was just freed of. His eyes are dark and sullen, a melancholy twist to his mouth and a thoughtful but troubled tightness in his brows. 

“I don’t like the thought of a wrathful god,” Jack quietly states. “I think if you make so much effort in creating life, you should nurture it instead of threatening to destroy it. If he’s not kind to his creation, then why would I want to follow him?”

Eddie frowns, not liking the way Jack is looking right now, like he's reliving a bad memory. He nudges their shoulders together, giving Jack a small but genuine smile. For a moment, he thinks back to Buck saying that he thinks Jack could make a pretty good God, and right now Eddie can’t help but agree a little bit. 

“You’re a pretty smart kid, you know that?” 

Like a switch has been flicked, Jack starts beaming at him. “Thanks!” He pulls Eddie in for a hug, and Eddie doesn’t hesitate to return it. When they separate, Jack smiles knowingly at him. 

“Are you done being mad at Buck? He didn’t have any bad intentions, you know.”

Eddie laughs, feeling inexplicably lighter and a whole lot less troubled despite the odd nature of their conversation. He looks down at his tied shoes with a smile. 

“Yeah, I think so.” 

From beside him, he hears Jack say “great!” but when he turns to look at him, intending to ask if he needs a lift home or something since he’s pretty sure Jack doesn’t have a car, the probie is gone, like he’s vanished from thin air. 

Eddie searches his surroundings, completely confused about how the hell he got away so fast, so silently. 

He shrugs then, figures he must have zoned out at some point, and gets up while shouldering his duffle bag. 

Christopher is still at school, and will be for a few more hours, so Eddie has plenty of time to buy a six-pack and knock on Buck’s door. 

He’s still not entirely sure why Buck made that joke, or tried to take it that far, but it doesn’t matter. They’re BuckandEddie, and they always will be. 

And maybe, Eddie lets himself think for the first time without caving into guilt and despair, maybe one day, they could even be more.