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Spider-man, as we’re all tired to know by now, is one of the greatest heroes of our generation. And the youngest. And the most nerd, also.
And probably the most loser and the loneliest, too.
Okay, now it’s just Mark’s thoughts getting over his head. He has been Spider-man for almost a year now, and it’s stupid, but he feels like the Spidey guy can do so much more than him. Such a complex thought, right?
Sometimes he was able to push these feelings away, but there were other times when he just drowned himself into it. Now it was one of these times, and he swore he had never felt more lonely than today.
It was Christmas Eve, and he had just helped an old lady to cross the street and got back the purse of a lady who was robbed. He accidentally left her pads out, which made him gain a hit on his face with the bag as gratitude. Great day.
Christmas Eve has always reminded him of his family and how he feels about it now. When auntie was alive, he used to buy some sweets and movie popcorn (because they were the best, he doesn’t know what’s the secret to it) and she would make a soup only she knew the recipe. Now it’s Christmas again, and Mark only drank a reheated coffee and an old donut he had on his fridge for days, and his aunt and uncle weren’t there with him.
“How can one be so fucked up” Mark thought to himself while he jumped from building to building with his webs until he got into one he recognized very well. The one he always went to when his mind was troubled.
Jeno Lee's apartment.
Actually, he’s on the rooftop of it, so it’s not really his apartment, right? You see, Mark and Jeno are good friends at college. Jeno is a very smart guy and they talk here and there. Sometimes Jeno sounds curious about Mark, but Mark takes it as pity, since he doesn’t have many friends. Only one, if he’s honest. Which is Na Jaemin. Who’s also Jeno’s friend, and they’re like, best friends. Bestest Friends Forever. Mark feels like he's always intruding on their own world, so he doesn’t bother much.
He met them in their shared class, and Mark looked at Jeno and felt the world stopping around him. He is so beautifully breathtaking. He is kind and everyone adores him. Mark wishes he could get closer to him, but he’s too bright. Too full of happiness, something that Mark hasn't tasted for a long time. Jeno is the kind of person who’s friends with everyone, so at the same time he considers them friends, he knows he’s not too special to him. Not the way he wishes.
Na Jaemin, on the other hand, is a pusher. He looked at Mark and saw a project of an introvert he could get as a pet, in the most loving way. Mark accepted it, and it was probably one of the best things Mark has ever decided to do: be vulnerable. Jaemin knew about Mark’s secret, and respected it. When he discovered (Jaemin wanted to do a surprise on Mark’s birthday, and found his costume and screamed for 2 whole minutes, and when Mark found him, he screamed as well. He had to tell Jaemin everything, and Jaemin took a couple of minutes to absorb the information, but apparently he dealt with it pretty well. He only asked Mark if he could help, be his ear and eyes, and Mark agreed because he was desperate), Jaemin didn’t leave him. Even though he knew that Mark lost everyone around him, he stayed.
Jaemin makes Mark do things, like buy healthy food, do exercises ( “You’re Spider-Man! Spider-Man can’t be sedentary!” ) and helps him with spidey stuff. You know, tell him where the bad guys are. Jaemin calls himself the computer guy.
Mark really doesn’t know what he’d do without Jaemin, but sometimes he felt like Jaemin didn’t understand him entirely. In some ways that only Jeno understood.
Jeno and Mark aren’t really close, but Jeno and Spider-Man are kind of… something. Mark doesn’t know what to call it. So when Mark sits on the building’s rooftop, he’s not surprised to hear a soft laugh behind him.
“I knew I’d find you here today” He hears Jeno, and turns to face him. The boy holds two mugs with hot chocolate. “Here, one for you.”
“Wanted to see me so bad you even made hot chocolate for me? I’m flattered, Lee Jeno” Mark says in his spidey way, which only made the younger blush and gave him a laugh.
“I just know you enough to know you needed one, and you’re too obsessed with me so I knew you’d be here.” They take a seat at the bench there on the rooftop, one that Mark brought there a few months ago so they could spend time talking.
They’ve been doing this dance for a few months now. The first time they met, Mark saved Jeno from getting robbed, and of course he used his Spider-man charms and gave him a trip around the city. Jeno was blushing when they landed on the ground, but said goodbye to him with a See you around, Spider-Man.
Ever since then, Mark and Jeno — better, Spider-Man and Jeno — have been having these tiny encounters. They always talked about little nothings that meant everything to Mark. Their relationship grew to something Mark couldn’t call a friendship, not with the way he looked at Jeno and the way Jeno looked at Spider-Man. He noticed the little gestures, the subtle touch of hands, the extended looks they exchanged. Mark couldn’t bring himself to do anything about it, though. He knew that the more people he had in his life, the more he had to lose. And he couldn't bear the thought of losing Lee Jeno.
So he kept his distance as Mark Lee, but always took care of him up there, in the buildings. However, it didn’t matter the distance. His feelings only grew bigger and bigger.
“And what about you, Jeno? Aren’t you supposed to be at your family’s gathering?” Mark asked him, after lifting his mask a little to drink the hot chocolate.
“You know how they are… Even on Christmas, they can’t bring themselves to talk to each other properly. It doesn’t even feel like a real family, you know?”
“Yeah, haha. I get that.” Mark shuffled a bit uncomfortable with the subject. “But I bet you ate all of the french toast, didn’t you?”
“You know me too well. But I brought one for you, though.” Jeno said, handing the french toast in his hand. “You have to eat well so you can keep saving people, Spidey.”
Mark always smiled when Jeno called him Spidey. It was their thing only, until Jaemin heard them one day and started mocking Mark every time he remembered about it.
“Thank you for this, Jen. You’re very kind.” He smiled at him, mask up ‘til his nose still, and ate the toast. “So, what are your hopes for the next year?”
“At this point, I’m not really looking for big goals anymore. I’m tired of planning things knowing damn well they won’t work the way I want.” Jeno sighed. “I just want to live through this year with more sincerity, and fill my days with things that are important to me.”
Mark looked at him the whole time he speaked, enchanted by his voice.
“I don’t see it as a waste of time, you know? Planning things for next year, for me, is what makes us hopeful and what makes us going. At least for me, haha.” Mark shrugged. “I plan things so I don’t lose my mind in unhopeful thoughts. I know that not everything will work out, but some of them will. That’s what keeps me going.”
“And do you care to share your hopes for next year with me, Spidey?” Jeno asked, now bumping his shoulder into his.
“Just the same old story, you know? Get better grades at college and find a better job.” Jeno arches his eyebrows. “You know Spider-Man doesn’t get paid very well, and my actual job sucks… So your boy here needs to find somewhere better so I can get a bouquet of flowers to you everytime we meet”
“Oh, you flatter me. You’re such a sweet talker…” Jeno says, covering his face, embarrassed. Mark laughs at him, but keeps going on his rant about his hopes.
“I want to try a new hobby, as well. I don’t know if I ever told you, but I’m really into music and I’m thinking of buying a guitar. What do you think?” When Mark turns to Jeno and the younger is holding a smile, he knows what’s about to come.
“You’re gonna defeat the bad guys with the power of music now, Spidey?” He asks and both of them laugh out loud, Mark pushes Jeno’s shoulder saying that was a bad one. “Just kidding, though. I think it fits you.”
“And how would you know that, Jeno?”
“That’s just because I feel like I know you enough to know what would and wouldn’t fit your tastes, Spidey.” Jeno says, getting closer to him.
“Oh yeah? What would fit my tastes, Lee Jeno?” Mark enters Jeno’s game, getting closer to him as well.
“You tell me, Spidey. Do you think composing a song for me is something you’d like to do?” Jeno says, with shoulders slightly arched and making a face Mark would do anything to touch.
But he can’t, though. He can’t do that to Jeno. So when he pulls away and looks forward, he sighs and tries to change the subject.
“I think something that would really fit into my tastes is being sincere. I think it’s the most difficult thing for me, even more than defeating bad guys.” Mark says, hearing Jeno’s heartbeat. It’s beating fast, like he’s anxious. Or frustrated.
“Sometimes I think you’re on your way to be more sincere, but you sabotage yourself a lot, Spidey.” Jeno says and gets up, and Mark follows Jeno’s move.
Jeno turns to him, and they stare at each other for a couple of seconds. To Mark, it felt like eternity. He could look at Jeno’s face for hours and he would still find something to be endeared about.
He’s so mesmerized by Jeno that he doesn’t realize he got closer, only when he feels Jeno grabbing his hand.
“How are you gonna be more sincere, anyway? Are you going to reveal who you are?” It’s the first thing Jeno asks after minutes of silence.
“That’s not on my list at the moment, haha.” Mark says, using his free hand to caress his nape. “But I wish I could be more sincere about my feelings, for starters. I feel like I’m always scared of what will happen if I dare to dream, to pursue what I want-”
Mark doesn’t finish his sentence because there are lips on his. Soft, cold lips.
He sighs into it, diving into the kiss. He grabs Jeno’s cheek gently, feeling like this is just one of his fever dreams. When he feels the younger’s tongue touching his lower lip, though, he knows it’s real.
The kiss isn’t desperate, but Mark feels his lips tingling from adrenaline. Mark’s hands are on Jeno’s waist now, while Jeno’s hands are on Mark’s face, caressing his cheek, deepening the kiss.
When they separate, they are still close. One of Jeno’s hands is still on Mark’s face, and he’s staring at him with bright eyes. Mark wishes Jeno could see how his eyes shine for him, too.
“That’s a start, Spidey.” Jeno says, starting to move away from Mark. Mark only laughs, covering his mouth again.
“You’re right, Jen. I think I feel more sincere now.” He says, and Jeno laughs, looking to the other side, flushed.
When he turns to look at Mark again, Mark is handing him his mug, knowing their time is getting shorter.
“I suppose you have to return to your family gathering now, right?” Jeno grabs the mug, making sure his fingers touch Mark’s hand again. He shivers quietly.
“Yeah, and it’s really cold up here. Don’t spiders feel cold?” Mark laughs at his question, shaking his head.
“I suppose they do, but not as much as us. I’m a bit cold too, but the costume is pretty warm.” He answers, now getting ready to go home, thinking about the movie he’ll watch by himself so he doesn’t feel more lonely. “And I guess I should go, too. You know, duty calls.”
“Yeah, of course.” Jeno looks at him with a face like he’s fighting a battle inside his mind, deciding what to do. Then he walks toward Mark again, and hugs him tight. Mark hugs him back, scenting him. Memorizing what Jeno smells like.
When they pull apart, Jeno smiles at him and walks towards the door. Mark does the same, but goes the opposite way, preparing himself to jump from building to building.
“Good night, Jeno. And Merry Christmas.” He says one last time to Jeno, and Jeno smiles at him and waves briefly.
“Merry Christmas for you yoo, Mark hyung.” Jeno says and goes through the door, disappearing from Mark’s vision.
…
What did he say?