Chapter Text
He wasn’t a jealous man. No, jealousy was something lesser men sank too whenever life got tough. Andres reminded himself of this as he glared into the amber liquid in his glass. Though there couldn’t be another name for the feeling burning inside his very core. He was jealous, achingly so.
Another round of laughter came from the table in the corner. Their table. He grit his teeth as he finished off the last of the liquor in his glass, the burn numbing. It was all around pathetic, this jealousy. Him, pining over a man who probably only ever saw him as a nuisance. Getting jealous over some woman who’d caught his partner’s eye.
Andres pushed the jealous pain back down as he ordered another drink. The sharp burn of the liquor served to keep the onslaught of self tormenting thoughts at bay. The normally comforting hum of the bar now grated on his nerves, widening an already tender wound.
He doesn’t notice the form of his partner sliding into the seat next to him, too lost in his own mind. A sudden hand brushing against his head pushes him out of the void calling out to him in his thoughts. “What do you want?” His tone came out as a bitter drawl, his resentment almost palpable. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Cassidy, afraid the man would see the jealousy and fear that lurked within him.
“C’mon Andres, what’s gotten into you?” Cassidy breath was tinged with the scent of alcohol. Andres turned away from the man, his demeanor cold and distant. “Got bored already? New record, even for you.” He knew he was being unreasonable towards the man but the jealousy was consuming him.
“Now hold on right there, Andres. The hell you goin’ on about?”
Andres shrugged, gripping his glass tightly. “She’s a pretty thing, ain’t she?” His words were laced with a bitter distain that he didn’t even try to hide.
A sharp breath came from his side. Cassidy leaned back in his seat, fixing Andres with a disbelieving stare. “Oh so now you’ve gone and started thinkin’ you can control what I do, huh?” He scoffed, a low frustrated sound. “She don’t mean nothin’, Andres.”
It was Andres’ turn to scoff. “Looked like you two were gettin’ awful comfortable back there.” He spared a glance at the woman still waiting at their table, her eyes fixed on Cassidy. “That’s our table Cassie.” The words came out a bit too pained than he’d would’ve liked, his jealousy mixing with some feeling he’d like to remain nameless.
Cassidy snorted at his words, shaking his head in disbelief. “So just cause you’re jealous of some woman who don’t mean nothing, you decide to dictate what I can and can’t do. S’that it? Or am I wrong?”
Cassidy pushed himself up from the bar before Andres could reply, not sparing him a second glance as he strode back to the table.
Fake smiles and laughs only served to strengthen the ache in Andres’ chest. The bitter taste of the alcohol mixed with the oncoming taste of his tears, a reminder of the inadequacy between him and Cassidy. How the man managed to be so detached at times remained an enigma to him.
He took another drink from his glass and the burn this time was welcomed. The glass made contact with the bar harder than he intended, earning a weary glance from the bartender. He pulled his hat low across his face as he stood up from the barstool, making for the door.
Cassidy’s fleeting glance as he pushed past the door felt like a brand against his skin, the night air pricking at his face. The muffled sounds of the bar was a buzz in his ears as he neared the horses hitched beside the building.
Andres untied his slowly and silently, a traitorous part of him hoping Cassidy would follow. No such luck. His horse snorted as he made his way out of town. The ride was too silent without Cassidy, the other man’s constant conversation filling the emptiness.
The aching emptiness continued to eat at him as he tied his horse up at camp. He spared a glance up at the night sky, taking in the light of the moon and stars above him. He found a slight solace in their light.
A heavy sigh escaped him as he ducked inside their tent, placing his hat beside the bedroll. The anger that had mixed with the alcohol was starting to fade into a dull mess of emotion. Neither of them were good at emotions, especially when it came to the whole affair of their relationship.
Andres knew the feeling was something akin to love and a bitter jealousy. Something he’d keep nameless even to himself. He knew that no matter how much he loved Cassidy, the other man couldn’t truly be his.
He closed his eyes as he laid onto the bedroll, taking in the combined scent of him and Cassidy. His tears came before he could stop them. They ran warm down his face as he pressed his cheek against the fabric.
Alone in the tent, Andres allowed himself to cry for his partner. To cry for the man he loved for the first time.