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The reason Sasaki has never stayed for the end of any high school festival before his third year is that he doesn’t actually like fireworks.
It’s not the noise they make or the crowd of people that come with them. Even though that definitely doesn’t make them more appealing, there would be plenty of ways to avoid either if he’d want to. He could find a quiet spot, possibly somewhere on the rooftop, devoid of people. He could go to the nearest convenience store and grab a pack of earplugs to block out the noise.
Sasaki could do that, but he doesn’t.
Because the main reason he doesn’t like fireworks is that they remind him of how alone he has always, always been.
They remind him of his parents' broken promises to take him and his sister to see fireworks displays in the summer.
They remind him of the time he got burned and yelled at after sneaking a pack out of a grocery store to surprise his sister.
They remind him of the long middle school nights he gets called out to set off with some of his classmates. People he doesn’t feel a connection to but who seem to enjoy having him around because he is just as listless and hollow as they are – without any hopes or dreams for the future. And since they don’t really connect on anything personal, because being with them comes with no strings or expectations, Sasaki goes with them. Because it’s easy and he has nothing better to do anyway.
They remind him of the time he hurt his sister after she came to pick him up when he got himself in trouble. Fireworks might be lighting the sky, but Sasaki has always felt like that light leaves nothing but a shadow on his heart.
All that starts shifting a little when he starts high school.
Fireworks also start to remind him of Hirano nagging him to not slack off, then.
They remind him of Ogasawara complaining about Hirano’s nagging.
Maybe he would have enjoyed them if he had bothered to meet up with the people he was so close to calling friends, only avoiding the word because it comes with too many promises to believe in. Would it have been fun to sit with them and listen to them talk about the latest madness their class got up to? Would he have chimed in with a comment here and there while the sky above them is painted in a different color every second?
Sasaki doesn’t know and it’s too late to find that out now.
What he does know, though, is that everything changes in the summer of his 2nd year. On the day he gets beaten up to help a kohai he doesn’t even know.
Sasaki still doesn’t watch the fireworks then, even though it is the first time he considers it as more than a fleeting thought. It’s the first time he seriously wonders how it would be to watch the colorful spectacle with someone by his side. Someone he really, really cares about.
In his 3rd year, Sasaki decides to stay even after the festival is already over.
He doesn’t think of the fireworks though, only of the few extra minutes he can spend with Miyano if he stays.
Of the precious moments, he can never get enough of.
Of the warmth that only seems to fill his chest when his kohai is around.
“Senpai, I...”
Sasaki’s eyes catch the flash of color before his ears catch up with the loud ‘boom’ accompanying it. Momentarily, his attention shifts away from Miyano as he watches the cascade of color painting the sky in different hues of pink. Have fireworks always looked this vibrant before today?
It’s a little embarrassing when he admits to Miyano that he hadn’t bothered to stay before, that he doesn’t actually care about the closing event. That none of the other festivals compared to this one because he can spend time with Miyano.
“Can you please... wait just a little bit longer for my answer?” Sasaki looks away from the fireworks --and focuses all his attention on the blushing face in front of him with his heart threatening to jump out of his chest. “I worry it wouldn’t be wise... to say anything just yet.”
Is it possible for a heart to beat louder than the fireworks going off right outside the window? It has to be because Sasaki can’t hear anything but the sound of his own heart and Miyano’s voice.
Miyano, who is standing in front of him and being painted in different colors every few seconds.
Miyano, who he confessed to only a few months ago.
Miyano, who had looked so earnest and desperate when he told Sasaki he would think about it and that he needed more time.
Miyano, who is now looking at the floor instead of Sasaki.
Who is the only thing Sasaki can think about amidst the flood of light from outside.
There is no resistance when their fingers intertwine; no sign that Miyano wants to pull back.
Can Miyano hear his heartbeat when Sasaki places his head on his kohai’s shoulder?
“I’ll wait.”
Sasaki repeats the words. Not just for Miyano, but also for himself. He’ll wait as long as Miyano needs, forever if he has to.
It’s funny how just one moment can erase all the bad memories Sasaki has gathered around fireworks.
Now, fireworks remind him of the soft blush on his now-boyfriend’s face.
Now, they make him think of the soft touch of their fingers intertwining, of the soft smell of flowers and spice that always surrounds Miyano.
Now, they bring back the soft promise that the words Miyano said back then carried.
Now, they make him think of the kiss they shared a year later in the same spot, snuck to after Miyano had volunteered to walk the same route again to check the classrooms.
They make him think of soft sighs and gentle hands holding on to him as if to make sure he doesn’t disappear.
Of soft “I love you” s whispered against each other’s lips.
In October of his 3rd year in high school, Sasaki decides that fireworks aren’t so bad, after all.
A year later, he wonders when he can see the next ones together with his boyfriend.