Archive of Our Own

 Darrel Shaynne Curtis is not a rough person. Full send. Well, okay, he was rough during football, but you can’t play ball and not be rough. Especially not when you’re the captain. Then again, he also loved ganging up on Sodapop with Ponyboy when they were younger, and well, let’s just say Darry always ended up having to bribe Soda not to snitch to their mama at the end.

Okay, fine, maybe Darry was a rough person. Perhaps it was that part of him that hit Pony tonight. It was that part of him that scared his baby brother so badly that the poor kid ran away. From him. Darry would never forgive himself. 

“Darrel?” 

He was never one for dramatics, but he had half a mind to cut his hands off – just to make sure he never messed up like this again. He’s not too sure how he’d cut his left hand off after cutting his dominant hand, but that was a problem for later. Then again, who’s gonna pay the bills if he has no hands to get work done? 

“Darrel?”

Right. Scratch that idea. It wouldn’t be fair on Soda anyways, leaving him with the responsibilities of paying bills and keeping everyone together because Darry was too fucked up to be useful. 

His eye starts to twitch and his leg starts shaking. Something that usually only happens when Darry is real scared. It goes without saying that he hasn’t done it since his mama and daddy died and he first had to look after the boys on his own.

Glory, he really fucked up, didn't he? What if Ponyboy doesn’t come back home? Soda would hate Darry for that. Or what if Pony doesn’t want to come back unless Darry was gone? Soda might not like it for a day or two, but his littles had always been closer with each other than they ever were with him, so he might not mind it so much. 

Darry’s not much for dramatics, he preferred to leave that to Pony, but if it came down to it, Darry would leave. He would leave just as quickly as their parents died. (…is it too soon for him to make that kind of joke? Maybe, but Paul would have laughed.) 

“Darrel!” 

Darry jerks so hard he can taste that metallic twang that blood has in mouth. He bit his tongue and, somehow, the hurt that came with it quieted his mind a little. He’s not too sure what to do with that information though, so he folds it and tucks it into his back pocket. 

His first instinct though is to cuss and swear because his tongue is throbbing and the metallic taste isn't going away fast enough. He ought to make sure he didn’t sever his tongue, but he’s not really worth the attention and panic that would come with it if he did sever it. 

So, instead, he sighs and looks towards Soda, who looks like he’s one wrong phrase from bolting like Pony. Darry really does not have it in him to figure out what the wrong phrase is let alone the correct one. This is why, instead of making eye contact like he always does, he finds a spot on the wall just behind Soda and stares there as he lets out another strangled sigh.

“Yeah, Soda?” God, Soda looks pitiful. His eyes keep darting between Darry and the door like he can’t decide whether he should waste his energy on his useless big brother or go follow his innocent baby brother, who’s probably cold, angry, and terrified right now. If Darry had the choice —

“We should go find Ponyboy, right?” Soda asks, interrupting Darry’s stupor. “In case somethin’ happens?” His brother’s so smart. Way smarter than Darry could ever be, he swears it and you can quote him on that too. But this time? He’s not too sure it’s a great idea if he goes. God, he’s nauseous at just the thought of going after Pony.

Darry swallows hard, his eyes and throat burning as he swallows back bile. Thinking back, he doesn’t think he’s eaten since lunch and lord knows he won’t be able to now. “Yeah, bud- Sodapop. I- I’ll wait here? In, um,” he rubs his thigh in an attempt to ground himself and his eyes aren’t even open anymore, they’re clenched shut. Jesus Darrel, get a grip. “In case he comes back. You should go after him though, before he gets too far.”

He can’t bring himself to open his eyes, but it’s quiet for a moment as Sodapop takes his words in. 

Darry knows he’s in no position to be telling Soda what to do. He hates that Soda even felt the need to ask him if he should run after Pony. At the same time though, he thinks if he’s not alone in the next two minutes he’s going to break down in hysterics. And that’s just not what he wants to do; especially not in front of his little brother. Darry’s supposed to be the tough one, the one that’s strong and unbreakable – the dependable one really, but he’s already fucked that up.

He takes a deep breath, which physically pains his chest, another thing to tuck away, and then he hears Soda say something about heading to Steve’s place before he goes looking for Pony. Again, his brother’s real smart. About a minute too late for Soda to even see does Darry nod his confirmation and just like that he’s alone. 

He’s not too sure what to do now. He supposes he could go check and make sure his tongue ain’t been severed, but if he could speak – well, choke out a sentence. Darry’s not sure that even counted as speaking with how much he was stuttering – then his tongue must not be too bad.

Back to the drawing board then. Maybe he should clean the house. It isn't his turn to clean the living room or the bathroom yet, but maybe the boys will be a little happier to see they have one less chore to do in the morning. Maybe then they won’t want him to leave. Doing their chores, of course, isn't going to make them love him again, but if he played his cards right it might be a step in the right direction. What’ll happen next Darry has no idea though. 

Maybe Pony was right. Darry should leave. Not because he hates it here; he’s tried, many times in his young life believe him, but he should probably leave so something like this doesn’t happen again. So his temper and big attitude won’t fuck him twice over again. 

He nods twice to himself. Alright, this is a plan, albeit not a great one. Darry’s great at plans. He’s not sure how long it’ll take to find Pony (he’s steadily ignoring the small voice in his head that says it’s wishful thinking that Sodapop and Steve will find him), but he should be able to clean the house, take a shower, and pack his bag. Again, it’s not a great plan, but it is a plan.

With a deep sigh, Darry finally opens his eyes again and gets to work straightening the living room in an attempt to get rid of any evidence of an argument. 

Fifty minutes later, Darry hides his suitcase under his bed and drags the recliner closer to the kitchen phone. While he showered, in an ill attempt to calm down, he came to the conclusion that he’d leave when his littles came back, and he could at least assure himself that they were in bed asleep. Until then, he’s not sure what to do, hence his waiting at the telephone. 

He’s staring at it, praying it’ll ring with news from Soda or Steve when the front door creaks open. Against his better judgment, Darry doesn’t immediately jump out of his seat because that’s what started this whole mess in the first place: trusting his better judgment. Instead, he takes a deep breath and pinches his arm to prevent him from saying anything. 

Darry counts to twenty before he gets out of the recliner. He can hear whoever entered the house shuffling about at the front door, and Darry wants to ask who’s there before he enters, just to get a little more time to ground himself. 

Because, as much as he was praying for Ponyboy to enter that front door, he’s not sure he can face him this soon. He hasn’t figured out how to apologize for hitting him yet – that’s always been a tough task for Darry: apologizing. He’s never quite been able to get it right; he’d either talk so much his apologies sound like he’s coming up with excuses, or the words would get stuck in his throat. 

Darry can’t afford either of those things right now, hence his packing to leave; between Darry not knowing how to apologize properly and Ponyboy’s annoying habit of holding the longest grudges known to man, it’s truly best for Darrel to just leave before any more feelings get hurt.

However, when he rounds the corner that separates the kitchen from the living room, Darry’s suddenly reminded of a promise he made to his father all those years ago. 

Soda hadn’t even been born yet, but Darry remembers his father crouching next to him as he tucked Darry in that night. He can remember gripping his toy army-man as his dad ran his fingers through his hair in thought. He can remember his mom coming into his room too, but staying by the door as if she didn’t want to interrupt whatever important conversation they were about to have - well, as serious as a conversation a four and twenty-four-year-old could have. 

“You excited to be a big brother, Junior?” Darry had nodded excitedly, his eyes growing huge and suddenly he was no longer sleepy. It was a fool’s question to ask and, honestly, his dad should have known that. As soon as Darry found out there would soon be a second little Curtis, he’d been running around the neighborhood telling everyone who would listen. 

His dad had simply laughed at him and, looking back, remembering the hardened look in his dad’s eyes, Darry thinks the older man knew how hard things would be for his boys in the future. “You have to promise me something, okay, Junior?” 

Darry sat up at that. As a kid, he had loved making promises for some reason; he took them as a vow, even early on. “‘Kay!”

“When the baby comes, you have to take good care of him, okay?” Darry can remember his dad glancing at his mom with an anxious smile before he turned back to him. “Mama’s gonna be real tired, and I’ll have to help Mama out, so sometimes we’ll need our big boy to help out with the baby. That alright with you?” 

“...Huh?”

His dad sighed, biting back a smile. “After the baby gets here, Mama’s gonna be in bed a lot; she’ll be real tired. So you and I have to take care of the baby together, think you can help me?” And those were the magic words: help me. 

“Yeah! I help you! I’ll show him my favorite toys, and I’ll teach him how to play catch and soccer and-” Darry had begun to move the covers off of him, tossing the army-man to the side so he could go and prepare his best games for the baby. 

“Woah, there, Einstein. Cool your jets,” his dad put a hand on his chest, all but forcing Darry to lay back down. “The baby won’t be here for another week or so, kid. We have time to get ready, I promise. Can you promise me something else, though?”

Despite the pout on his face as he laid back down, Darry nodded. “When the baby does come,” his dad explained. “Your mom and I are going to be really busy taking care of him — I know, I know, you’ll be taking care of him too. I know that, Junior,” Darry grinned victoriously at that, far too glad to be getting his way. “However, when the baby gets here, we may not have as much time to play with you anymore.”

Darry can remember thinking, that’s it? That’s what his dad was making a big deal about? “It’s okay, Daddy,” he’d said like he had already thought long and hard about this ages ago. “I’ll play with the baby instead.”

Then his dad got a constipated look on his face that older Darry can now recognize as his look when he’s trying to decide which battle to pick. “Sure thing, buddy. But the thing is, babies are loud. They cry a lot, right? And since the baby will need our help, I need you to promise me you won’t ever get mad at the baby, okay? I want you to come find me if you get mad or annoyed with the baby, okay?”

Darry had had a lot of questions then. Why would the baby cry? Darry may not have every toy he wanted, but he’d say life is pretty good; he doesn’t really have a reason to cry. Also, why would he ever get mad at the baby? Darry wasn’t completely sure, but he thinks he’d been a baby once and his dad never got mad at him. And, Darry planned on being just like his daddy when he got bigger — he has his dad’s name, for crying out loud, he kinda has to be like him — so he won’t get mad at the baby either, he could easily promise his dad that. 

It’s this promise that Darry thinks of when he sees two cowering figures standing in the darkness of his living room. It’s this promise Darry thinks of when he realizes the figures are Ponyboy and Johnny Cade. He can see Ponyboy shaking and curled into himself like he’s trying to disappear, and he can see Johnny crouching below Ponyboy gently taking off the kid’s shoes. 

It’s this promise that has Darry moving closer to them before his mind can even begin to overthink if Ponyboy wants to see him. Evidently, his mind didn’t need to think too hard, because when he sees him, Ponyboy lets out a choked gasp as he pushes past Johnny and all but collapses into Darry's chest. 

Instinctively, he flinches against Pony’s wet clothes, but he can also feel Ponyboy shaking against him, and can hear the kid’s sobs as he pulls himself as close to Darry as he can get. Honestly, it’s a miracle that Darry has enough of his wits about him to not go running outside looking for whoever made his kid brother cry.

Darry tries to pull himself out of Pony’s grasp to crouch down and see his face only to stop when his sobs get more frantic and his breathing gets shallower the more Darry pushes away. That’s alright, hugging is fine. For now. “What the hell happened? Ponyboy, why are you wet?”

“We was at the park. And he- Johnny killed-” Killed? 

Ponyboy cut himself off with another choked gasp like he just remembered something. His face starts to twist as he weakly tries to push himself away from Darry. 

Darry’s seen the kid cry before; he knows all his tells. For example, Darry has about thirty seconds to get Ponyboy into the bathroom before he starts to vomit. “Shit, kid.” As he guides Pony by the shoulders, Darry realizes he doesn’t have enough time to take him all the way to the toilet, the kitchen sink will have to do. Thank God Darry did the dishes earlier. “C’mere, Johnny,” he says as Pony heaves into the sink. He almost forgot about Johnny if he was honest; all his attention is on Pony, which is fair if you asked him. “Are you okay? You’re not fixin’ to be sick too, are you?”

Johnny shakes his head as he pulls out a dining chair. He hasn’t taken his eyes off Ponyboy since he ran to Darry. “Is he gon’ be okay, Dar?” Out of the corner of his eye, Darry can see Johnny cringe as Ponyboy throws up again. 

Darry sighs, gently rubbing Pony’s back. “He’ll live. Kid just needs to breathe,” he says pointedly at said kid. “He works himself up and forgets to breathe.” About a minute later, Pony stops heaving and leans heavily into Darry, crying once more. At least the tears are slowing down this time. Darry can’t bring himself to do anything but hold Pony tight and comb his finger through the kid’s soaked hair. He can’t even bring himself to be glad it’s grease-free because why is it ungreased? It certainly wasn’t when he ran out of the house just an hour ago. 

Closing his eyes, Darry takes a deep breath. He lets the three of them sit in silence for five minutes, mostly so he can silence his racing thoughts and get his bearings before he nudges the kid. “Come on, Pony. Let’s get you in the shower.” 

Ponyboy shakes his head, grinding his heels into the kitchen floor. Darry’s so not in the mood right now. Calm thoughts, Darry, calm thoughts. Rolling his eyes, Darry pushes himself off the counter. “You’re soaking wet, Pony. If you don’t get in the shower you’ll catch pneumonia or something. Work with me here, kid.” Pony cries even harder, tightening his arms around Darry like someone’s going to take him from Pony.

Darry needs to find his dad. “Pony- Jesus, man.” He looks to Johnny in a futile attempt for help. He should’ve known he couldn’t help; Johnny would never make Ponyboy do something he didn’t want to do. 

Okay, Darry, think. Pony cried himself to the point of throwing up, what did their mom usually do afterward to comfort him? “Do you-?” He sighs. There’s no coming back from this is there? “If- Not if, when. You’re taking a shower I don’t really give a damn. But when you do, do you want me to sit in there with you?” 

There’s a good thirty seconds where Darry contemplates just forcing Ponyboy into the shower. Their relationship would never recover from that though, so he’s glad to feel Pony’s minute nod and feel the kid's arms slack a little. He mouths to Johnny that he’ll be right back. 

Despite their progress, Ponyboy isn’t cooperating enough to walk with him properly, so Darry picks him up and carries him to the bathroom. Darry doesn’t know what happened tonight, to make the kid so damn scared, but he’d bet his left foot that Ponyboy will be embarrassed once he realizes his big brother carried him like a baby in front of Johnny.

Darry chokes back a laugh at the thought as he turns the hot water on in the shower. When he looks back, he sees Ponyboy sitting on the toilet and staring at the ground. And isn’t that a sobering sight? At least the kid stopped crying. “Alright, Pone. I’m gonna call Soda and get you some dry clothes, I’ll be right back.”

“You said you’d stay!” He looks up at Darry with huge shiny eyes and Darry can't help the pang of guilt in his chest. Jesus, Darry really fucked the kid up, didn’t he? 

“Well, I have to call Sodapop, bug. Him and Steve are out there lookin’ for ya.”

“Let Johnny call him. You promised you wouldn’t leave,” What the hell happened to this kid? “What if I- what if I drown in there?”

“What the heck are you talking about? You’ve taken showers before- you took one this morning! Why are you scared of ‘em now?” Darry really wishes he could find his dad; Pony’s working his last nerve. And he’s wasting all the hot water, the steam is rolling up to the ceiling and if Pony wastes this month’s hot water then Darry will have to leave just to prevent himself from doing something else he’ll regret. 

Pony looks back at the ground, his face twisting like he’s trying not to cry again. Sighing, Darry thinks this might be his least favorite thing about being an adult: not being allowed to give into Pony’s tears anymore. Fuck. “First of all, I ain’t never promised shit. Don’t lie on me like that, dang it. And, at least take your wet clothes off, you look like a drowned rat, and if you’re so scared of water now, the last thing I need is for you to be sick too.

“Secondly, I’m finna call Soda. When I get back though, you’re getting in the shower. I guess, if your worm-looking ass is really scared, I’ll sit out here to make sure you don’t drown. But only if you close the curtain.” Then, just to see where Pony’s head is at, Darry pretends to shudder and gestures to Ponyboy in a horrified manner, “Don’t nobody wanna see all that.” 

“…we have the same parts?”

“And I’ve seen enough when daddy made me change your diapers, believe you me, don’t nobody want to see all that.” Turning back to the door, Darry can hear Pony snort as he starts to wrestle his shirt off. Good, that means he’s starting to become a little more aware, a little more himself.

Now, the hard part: finding out what happened tonight. He heads to the kitchen first, where he left Johnny. He might as well get this out of the way. Johnny hasn’t moved from the table, save to get himself a glass of milk. Pausing right outside the kitchen, Darry takes a good look at the kid.

He looks… rough. Even in the dark, Darry can see the bags forming and the bruises starting to darken on his wrist. And the red on his fingers —

Here’s the thing. Darry’s never really been sentimental or real protective toward anyone but his brothers, and maybe Two-Bit, but he doesn’t really count because they’ve known each other for as long as Darry has known Sodapop.

Anyway, the point is he’s never been real protective over anyone else in the gang. Not even, as mean as it may sound, when Johnny got jumped. Darry was angry, of course, and he did want to hunt the socs’ who did it down, but looking back that was really just because Dally wanted him to tag along. (If he’s being honest with himself, the real reason he didn’t want to fight the socs on his own is because he still wasn’t quite sure where he stood with them. A few of them still liked him; he went skiing with them! He couldn’t mess that up.)

But tonight? Seeing the blood and bruises on Johnny, the even worser slouch in his stature? Seeing his littlest brother soaking wet on a cloudless night? Darry can’t help the rage he feels. The rage that tints the edges of his vision red, the rage that makes him want to do something he knows he’ll regret. He might still do it, actually, that way he has an excuse to leave. 

“Hey, Johnnycakes. How’s it going?” Darry asks gently, sliding into a seat across from him. Going by the way Johnny startles and looks at him with wide eyes, Darry can see his tone of voice didn’t matter. Worth a shot at least. 

Johnny licks his lips and he can’t seem to keep his eyes on anything for too long. Privately, Darry thinks whatever he’s about to learn might just be worse than when Johnny was jumped. “I killed that boy…” Johnny says with a slow shake of his head.

“What fucking boy?” Darry tries his best, he swears he did, but he’s so shocked he can’t help the slight bark in his voice. He does feel slightly bad when Johnny jerks back in surprise. “My bad,” Breathe Darrel, he thinks swallowing. “What boy, Johnny? Is he still out there?” 

“Yeah, but they was-”

A whining voice cuts Johnny’s explanation off, “Darry!” 

Right, Ponyboy. Darry rolls his eyes, sighing for the umpteenth time tonight as he leaves the kitchen again with a call behind him, “Johnny, do me a solid and make sure he gets his tail in the tub? I’ll be there in a second.” Darry doesn’t wait for a confirmation, but with how shaken he looks, he knows Johnny will want to at least sit outside the bathroom door. The kid’s been glancing back there since Darry first took Ponyboy out the room. Besides, Darry at least would want to, but there’s a chance he might be projecting. Who’s to say? 

Walking into Pony and Soda’s room, he slips on one of Pony’s notebooks, which Darry has told him many times before to pick up, he curses and stumbles into the dresser. Purely out of petty motivation, Darry grabs Pony’s old pajama set; the one with the horses on it. He hasn’t worn them in a long while, says it’s too on the nose and embarrassing, but Darry gets a good laugh every time. 

He stops by Soda’s old room to grab pajamas for Johnny and tosses them to him when he gets back to the bathroom. Darry was right, as always. The door is cracked when he gets there and Johnny is slid against the wall closest to it, almost like a guard. “You’re next, Johnny Cade. It’ll be baggy on you, but you’re wearing it and you’re sleeping here, got it?” he asks, but he’s not leaving any room for argument. Thankfully, Johnny just nods and goes back to staring at the wall across from him. 

Stepping over him, Darry opens the bathroom door and enters. The curtains are closed and thankfully Pony’s gotten inside. Darry deposits the pajamas in the sink counter and stares at the curtains for a moment. They aren’t rich by any means, so their curtains are plastic and thin enough that it barely hides anything. Which would mean he’d be able to see the kid’s shadow moving as he showered.

“Ponyboy Michael, I swear if I open that curtain and you’re standing in the corner dry as a fucking chinchilla.”

“I’m scared, alright!”

“Of what?”

“Wh- What if I drown, Darry?” This shit again? The only thing that really keeps Darry from snapping is how small Pony’s voice is.

“Turn the water off then, idiot, You’re wasting the hot water.” There’s a moment where neither says anything then Darry can see Ponyboy’s shadow dart to turn it off before retreating back to the corner. If he didn’t know it before, he certainly does now, but tonight will be a long night. “Do you want to take a bath instead?”

“…what if I slip and my head goes under water and I drown?”

“That’s not even — ” Darry shakes his head. That’s not even plausible, is what he wants to say, but that’s probably not what Ponyboy needs to hear right now. He takes a deep breath. “I’m not gonna let that happen, Ponyboy. I said I’d sit in here to make sure you don’t drown, and I will. Now, do you want to take a bath or do you want to try a shower again?”

“If I take a bath will you sit next to the tub?”

At this point, if he asked Darry to get in the tub with him like when they were little, Darry would say yes. “Baby colt, if you get in that tub and clean your body, I will do whatever you want tonight,” with a wince, he thinks he’s sure to regret that later.

Ponyboy’s shadow nods and sits down in the tub. Darry doesn’t bother waiting for him to do it and goes to turn the water back on. After he puts the stopper down he also pulls back the curtain - maybe seeing his face will help Ponyboy calm down. 

Now that he’s thinking about it though, only the Lord knows the last time the tub’s had a good deep clean; everyone always showers, there’s never really been a point in scrubbing it. He grimaces at the thought. Ponyboy probably won’t be really clean tonight, but it’ll at least wash off the night's activities. 

Darry studies Ponyboy’s face for a moment, looking for any signs that will tell him what happened tonight or what boy Johnny supposedly killed. As the water steadily rises, he can see the way Pony stiffens and his breathing gets heavier. Maybe this was a bad idea. The kid isn’t even staring at anything in particular, he’s just watching the water rise with a blank face — one that Darry’s seen often enough to know it means Ponyboy is stuck in his head.

“Hey, Ponyboy, you need to breathe.”

Ponyboy gently shakes head. Great, Darry thinks. The water’s not terribly high, certainly not high enough for a proper bath, the kid’s legs are stretched out and the water’s only just coming to his knees, but it’ll have to do. He turns the faucet off and looks back to his brother. He’s completely shaking now, silent tears streaming down his face. “Ponyboy, you need to breathe. The water’s turned off, see?” 

Ponyboy sniffles, “I don’t wanna drown. I don’t wanna die, ’m not ready yet.”

“Who- You’re not gonna drown, Ponyboy, there’s only like three inches of water.”

A pause, then Ponyboy looks up at him and, finally, there’s a real look on his face. It’s his usual deadpan look that usually pisses him off, but this time Darry’ll take it. “You can drown in three inches of water, Dar. You could drown in less than that, even.”

…this fucking know-it-all.“Jesus Christmas, you’re not gonna drown, alright,” Darry rolls his eyes and dramatically falls out on the floor. Ponyboy’s going to be the death of him. “Who put that stupid idea in your head, anyway?”

Then it clicks. 

Darry quickly sits up and looks Ponyboy in the eyes. “Is that why you was wet? Did somebody try drowin’ you tonight, Ponyboy?”

He can’t seem to look Darry in the eyes anymore, and that's honestly enough confirmation for Darry. “Who the fuck tried to drown you?”

“Nobody, Dar-”

“Ponyboy Curtis, don’t you dare lie to me, right now. I’m serious, who tried killin’ you?” Darry’s not speaking in his usual “proper” manner, but he can’t find it in him to really give a damn.

So quick that Darry might not have noticed if he wasn’t staring, Ponyboy glances at the bathroom door before looking back at the water. Darry clicks his tongue and swings open the door, “Johnny, they tried drownin’ you too?”

Johnny startles a bit, but it’s enough to bring Darry out of his head. To remind him to breathe and not jump to conclusions too soon. “Just roughed me up, but I’m good.”

Darry nods once before closing the curtain and telling Pony to hurry and wash up. “The sooner you’re clean the sooner you can get out, alright?” He turns back to Johnny as the water starts lapping, “You said you killed a guy? Who’d you kill, what happened?” 

The way Johnny frowns, Darry thinks he might be coming on too strong, but he doesn’t have the energy to be more gentle. Hell, it’s taking all his energy not to go running outside himself. 

He watches Johnny take a breath. “We was at the park taking a walk. And Bob Sheldon and his crew were drunk off their rockers and came startin’ something. Bob was mad at Pony, because he thought Ponyboy was gon’ steal his girlfriend-“

“Johnny!”

“Well, he did!” Johnny smirks before sobering again and looks down at his hands. He’s silent for a beat then he mutters something Darry can’t quite make out.

“What was that?”

“Bob was real mad though, and he held Pony down in the fountain.”

Oh. “And that’s when you-?”

Johnny’s voice suddenly turns desperate as he looks to him and Darry has to fight the urge to jump back. “They was drowning him, man! I had to do something, I didn’t mean to kill him, but-”

“Calm down, Johnny. Ain’t nobody mad at ya,” Darry puts his hands on Johnny's shoulders to try and placate him. If anything he’s grateful. Way back when, he kinda liked Bob, if only because of Paul, but now? Well, it’s a good thing Johnny beat him to it.

“Y’all left him there, though? What happened to his friends?”

Johnny nods at his first question and shifts his weight to sit criss-crossed. “They ran off after I stabbed him.”

“Did you leave the knife or you still got it?” 

Instead of responding, Johnny pulls the blade out of his pocket. It still has blood on it. Right. The bathroom goes silent as Darry thinks everything over, the only noise in the room being the water lapping as Ponyboy washes up. Okay, Darry runs a hand through his hair. They have the murder weapon, he never thought he’d say that, so it can’t be tied back to them that easily. Then again, Sheldon’s friends will likely go snitching. Snatching the blade from Johnny, Darry stands and washes it in the sink. 

As the blood mixes with the cold water, there’s the sound of a siren whizzing through the neighborhood and he quickly makes a game plan. “Ponyboy, hurry up and finish so’s you can get dressed. You go ahead and change too, Johnny, you can sleep in Soda’s old room and shower in the morn,” He’s talking a bit too fast, and he’s a little too focused on cleaning the knife so he misses Pony climbing out the tub and grabbing a towel, but the sound of the water draining makes Darry turn around. For the boys’ sake, he tries to make his face look blank, so they can’t see how scared is. Just in case though, he grips the counter behind him so his hands don’t shake.

He takes a deep breath and reminds himself to calm down. “Them sirens you heard is the cops; they probably looking for you two. They don’t know for sure that you were at the park, so yall gon’ lie down, and when they come knockin’, y’all’ve been sleep this whole time, got it?” They both nod. Darry thinks Ponyboy has something to say, but he keeps his mouth closed, so Darry excuses himself. 

It’s only when the bathroom door clicks shut and Darry’s made it to the kitchen does he all but collapse. He’s glad the boys are safe, he really is, but a murder wrap? Sweet Johnny Cade killed a guy? He’s meant to believe that? Well, he kind of has to, actually; he’s seen the blood on the knife — just washed it off, even.

Once this is all over, Soda is sure to make a great big laugh of it and— Shit, Soda! How could he forget about Soda, he thinks running into the living room. Running a hand through his hair he pauses; he can’t call Soda, he’s probably not at Steve’s house anymore. He also can’t go outside and look for him because he ain’t real sure he wants to leave the boys alone. 

Fuck, Darrel. Just calm down and think. Almost like when he was younger and eagerly awaiting his parents’ arrival to signal his babysitting duties as over, Darry steps on the couch and heavily leans on the back of it to peek out the blinds. It’s almost too dark to see anything, but as his eyes adjust, he sees two figures walking alone in the middle of the road. Darry swears his heart beats ten times slower than before. Thank God.

Hopping off the couch, he hurries and swings open the front door. Is it too late to call out for them? Maybe, but it’s also late enough to be wondering where they’d been if things were different. 

Pushing the screen door open, Darry steps onto the porch and calls out, “Y’all hurry up and come inside; the cops are about to make their rounds!” He waits just long enough to see Steve and Soda look at each other before they take off running toward the house. Darry takes the opportunity to check on the boys; to make sure they’re following through with the hastily made plan. 

Walking to the back of the house, Darry glances at a clock and sees it’s 3:20. Darry’s exhausted, and it’s no wonder; in just ten minutes and two more hours, he will have been up for twenty-four whole hours. He hasn’t done that since he was a dumb freshman in college. He can’t fall asleep now though, he thinks peeking into Soda’s room, if he stops now he’ll probably pass out from exhaustion and fear combined. 

Darry sighs. Johnny’s tucked into a corner of the bed, with his head facing the wall. “Johnnycakes?” No response. That’s good; he probably fell asleep for real, and that’ll help make the story more believable when the cops ask to see him. 

Distantly, he hears the door slam open and the sound of Soda and Steve kicking their shoes off. Darry nods himself and goes to Ponyboy’s room. He looks down to make sure he doesn’t trip on anything this time, but when he looks up, he stumbles back anyways. Pony’s got his comforter wrapped around him, standing in the middle of the room like some kind of omen. 

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph,” He grabs his chest and looks away to catch his breath. “You scared the shit out of me, bug.” It’s not the first time Pony’s scared him like this, but he hasn’t in so long that Darry almost forgets that he’s not sixteen, waking up to a ten-year-old Pony standing over him and asking to sleep with him.

Just like then, Pony looks at him with a mostly blank face aside from his eyes. His eyes always gave away his true thoughts and feelings, and over the years, Darry’s gotten pretty good at figuring out what they say. Lately though, after his parents passed and he started understanding Pony less and less, it’s gotten pretty hard. Tonight, however, as Darry is doing his best to stay awake and make sure the boys won’t get arrested, he can read Pony’s eyes clear as day. 

His heart breaks from what he reads, and he drags his hands down his face. “What’s wrong, buddy?” To no one’s surprise, Pony doesn’t respond, instead he blinks and glances in the direction of Darry’s room. 

Yeah, that’s what he thought. The kid’s definitely not going to take this easy, but Ponyboy’s not a baby; he can handle rejection. “I’m not going to sleep yet, worm. I’m staying up to make sure you and Johnny are safe from the cops. Came in here to see if you were in bed already sleeping too.”

Ponyboy's face breaks and starts to twist up like he’s about to cry. Before he can stop it, Darry hears a whine escape from Pony and, glory, if that doesn’t kill him on the spot. Sucking his teeth, he crosses the room to pull Pony into his arms. “Yeah, I know, baby. You want me to get Soda? He’s back now, I think he’s waiting in the living room?”

If he’s being honest, Soda is the last person Darry wants to get, and he’s honestly relieved when Pony shakes his head no. 

Don’t get him wrong, Darry loves Soda, that’s his goddamn brother. Sometimes, though, he gets really jealous of Sodapop. Before his parents died and everything blew up in his face, Darry was the one his baby brother went to when he had a nightmare, not Soda. He misses those days. And, okay, he gets it. He’s been pretty busy lately, but he’s still awake at night when Pony has his nightmares. He could just as easily go to Darry instead of Soda. If the latter hadn’t beaten him to it, Darry would’ve moved in with Ponyboy to help. 

So, yeah, sue him, but he’s secretly happy Pony doesn’t want Soda tonight. If he were to be dramatic, which he’s earned the right to be tonight, Darry would say this is the most he’s felt like a brother in a long long time.

There’s a quiet knock at Pony’s door that jerks Darry out of his thoughts. The door creaks open slowly and Sodapop enters with careful steps. Speak of the devil and he shall appear, or whatever their mama used to say. “You in here Ponyboy?” Darry can hear the quiver of grief in Sodapop’s voice, and suddenly he’s pissed at himself for not remembering to call him sooner. Despite his deepest wishes, Sodapop and Ponyboy were always closer. 

“Where’ve you been, honey? Me and Steve were looking all over for you.”

With a sniff, Pony slightly lifts his face from Darry’s stomach. “Me and Johnny went to the park.” 

Soda hums thoughtfully and glances at Darry like he oughta have the answers. It’s one of Darry’s biggest pet peeves about his brothers; they always look to him for answers and usually he has to make something up because, even though he’ll never admit it, he’s often just as lost as them. Nevermind that now though, his heart flutters at the realization that Soda must still trust him enough to look to him for answers. Even after he screwed everything up, Sodapop still seems to trust him; Darry doesn’t think he deserves it, but who’s he to argue.

“I see,” Soda looks back at their little brother and inches forwards. “Well, since we’re all back now, are you ready for bed, honey?” If Darry was paying any less attention, he would’ve missed the way Ponyboy’s arm tightened around him.

“You know something, july bug? Soda was pretty scared when you left.” Soda’s looking back at Darry with confusion and betrayal clear in his eyes. He doesn’t really understand that part; Soda had been scared, hell, Darry was scared too. “Can you make sure he falls asleep for me? I don’t want him up all night worryin’, y’know.” 

When in doubt, and boy, was Darry ever in doubt, distract. He could just be paranoid, but he thinks he can hear the sirens getting closer and the crunch of gravel down the street. He needs to hurry and make sure everything was clear.

Thankfully, Ponyboy gives him a shakey nod and lets go of him. “Can do that,” he whispers, looking at his feet.

“Thank you, baby. Go ahead and get in the bed, Soda’s got to change, then he’ll join you.” Pony looks up then, with wide frantic eyes shifting between him and Soda as his breath catches. Fuck, Darry thinks as a second whine escapes from Ponyboy and his eyes start to well up, he forgot Pony doesn’t want to be alone. “He’s not gonna leave you alone, bug, I promise! He gon’ change right here, right Soda?” 

Now, Soda’s staring at him with wide eyes. Darry jerks his head, willing Soda to understand. “Y-yeah, Pones.” With furrowed brows and a look in his eye that Darry knows he’ll have to address soon, Sodapop turns back to Pony with a small smile and says more confidently this time, “Yeah, honey, I don’t want to mess up your clean bed with my outside clothes, know what I mean?” Soda then moves to his drawer in the dresser and takes his pajamas out. 

Ponyboy doesn’t look real convinced, but he gets under the covers and his eyes follow Sodapop’s every move until Darry makes the mistake of trying to leave the room. Pony’s eyes dart to him as he freezes in place. 

Darry knows he’s not paranoid this time, he can hear a car pull into the driveaway and the crunch of the driveway underneath its wheels. The cops will have to wait, though. They probably ought to be, but, they’re not his main priority right now. Darry holds eye contact with Ponyboy and his main focus is making sure his baby brother is okay. Making sure Ponyboy knows he’s safe and that Darry won’t let him get taken away. 

Nobody says anything until Soda’s under the covers next to Pony, and even then nobody speaks until they hear a heavy knock at the door. All three pairs of eyes flit towards the hallway. Right, it’s showtime time then. Darry forces a yawn and starts to walk out the room but falters when he hears Pony’s soft voice. 

“Back after?”

“What’d you say, bug?”

He can hear Pony huff and, without looking, Darry knows his fists are clenched. “Come back after?”

“You want— Yeah, fawn, when I’m done, I’ll come back and make sure you boys are alright.”

There’s a pause and then Darry can hear Ponyboy huff louder and throw himself in bed. Darry blinks twice, shakes his head, and continues walking down the hall; there he goes again messing stuff up. And to think he thought he’d made progress tonight. Honestly, if the cops weren’t outside, he’d grab his bag and just leave already. Now that Sodapop’s back, there’s no real reason for him to stay; once Darry convinces the cops that none of the boys were at the park, Sodapop’ll have no issues. Actually, now that he thinks about it, Sodapop might even be happy since he won’t have to deal with him and Ponyboy fighting anymore.

Darry nods to himself as he reaches the front door. As he opens it he forces another yawn, “Good evening, may I help you, officer?” 

The man in front of him looks annoyed and if Darry wasn’t prepared for this, he’d probably be scared. “We got a call a little while ago; there’s a kid dead in the park.” The officer looks him up and down as he speaks, like he already knows Darry’s harboring the kid’s murderer, which if you ask him isn't a fair assumption at all. 

Darry gasps and widens his eyes, “Lord almighty, at this hour? Who was it? What happened?” 

The officer squints at him and shifts his weight until his hand is over his gun holster. “Robert Shel-”

“Robert Sheldon?” Darry scoffs, looking away in faux shock, and takes the opportunity to look at the couch; Steve’s stretched out on it and thankfully his eyes are closed. He doubts the kid is really sleeping though. Darry shakes his head, looks back at the officer, and lets the door swing open fully to give the impression that he’s got nothing to hide. “You tellin’ me Bob Sheldon’s dead?”

The officer furrows his eyebrows and looks at him in confusion. Good, serves him right for assuming. “Yeah, the kid was stuck in the back bleeding out. His body was already cooling when we arrived.”

Darry’s breath stutters. Jesus Christmas, Johnny Cade. “Shit,” he mutters lowly. “Poor thing… I was friends with his cousin back in highschool, I’ll have to call and check up on them. Offer my condolences,” he explains. He’s lying, but he may actually call Paul, if only to make sure a rumble doesn’t come from this.

Thankfully, the officer seems to buy it; he even seems a bit reluctant to continue speaking. “Yes, well, I’m sorry to bother you at this hour,” Darry assures him that it’s no bother. “But I’m hoping you might be of some assistance.”

“Of course, sir, anything.”

“When we got the call we were given the name of a couple of suspects; a Ponyboy Curtis and a Johnny Cade.” Darry twists his face and sucks his teeth as the officer hurries to continue. “Now, son, I know Ponyboy lives here. Just make things easy and tell me if he’s come back.”

Darry shakes his head. “Officer, I’d love to help, honest. But they couldn’t have killed Bob.”

“Why’s that?” the officer huffs.

“Because they’ve both been here asleep.”

The officer blinks twice in surprise. Gotcha, Darry thinks. He licks his lips and ushers the officer in. “Excuse the mess,” he lies. “But I can show you them, sir. They’re both knocked out,” he adds sheepishly.

As the officer steps inside, with his hand firmly over his holster now, he glances around the living room before his gaze settles on Steve. “That’s my first born’s friend,” Darry states. Steve’ll hit him as soon as the cop leaves, but he pretends to whisper to the cop anyways. “Between you and I, sir, his dad ain’t real kind so I let him eat dinner with us and crash on the couch.” 

The officer nods with a sour expression and gestures at the rest of the house. Taking a deep breath, Darry leads him to Johnny first. Poking his head in the room, he sees Johnny start to sit up and he quickly shakes his head no. Thankfully, Johnny understands, closes his eyes again and quits moving. Darry opens the door fully so the officer can look for himself. 

“See, officer,” he whispers. “Johnny ate dinner with us too; poor thing ate so much he gave himself a food coma.” 

The officer smiles tightly, “How come he ain’t at his own house?”

Darry hesitates and leads them out of the room. Closing the door behind him, he tells the officer, “His parents don’t like him too much, sir. So, he stays here more times than not as well.”

He feels uncomfortable telling a cop so much about his, but if it’ll get him off their back then oh well. The boys won’t be too pleased with him airing out their business, but they’ll get over it eventually. And if they don’t, well, it’s good thing his suitcase is already packed. Before he can think too hard about it, they reach Ponyboy’s room. 

Again, he pokes his head inside the room first then opens it all the way. Soda laying on his back with Pony’s head on his chest. He must’ve fallen asleep stroking his hair because his fingers are still tangled in Pony head. Pony’s eyes are closed, but by the way his breath hitches when Darry opens the door, he knows that Ponyboy’s pretending unlike Soda. 

Perhaps the officer knows too because he steps closer with squinted eyes for a better look causing Darry to say something. “Don’t wake him up please.” The officer looks back at him expectantly and Darry points to the dried tear streaks on Ponyboy’s face. “Since our folks passed, God bless they’re souls, he’s been having night terrors. We only just got him back down, like an hour ago.”

The officer sucks his teeth before nodding and heading back to the living room. As the officer steps out the screen door, he turns back and says to Darry, “Look kid, let’s say I believe you, their alibi still isn’t exactly solid. I’ll need you to drive them in tomorrow morning to hear their side of things.”

“Of course, sir, I understand. First thing in the morning, we’ll see you there.”

“Have a good rest of your night.”

“Likewise, God bless you.”

The screen door swings shut, followed by the big door and Darry locks the deadbolt before he sinks to the floor with a sigh. Talking to cops is exhausting and he’d never like to do it again. His heart feels like it’s about to beat clean out of his chest. He takes a moment to try and catch his breath before he gets up. 

Steve is still on the couch, but he hasn’t moved since the officer first came inside so he must’ve fallen asleep. That’s good, he probably needs sleep. 

Yawning for real this time, he steps into Johnny's room. “Johnny Cade, you sleeping? Cop’s are gone.” Silence. Squinting, Darry can just make Johnny’s figure in the dark still facing the doorway, but he must be sleeping again because he doesn’t say anything or move. That’s also good, the kid had a fairly busy night, killing somebody and all that jazz. Darry wants to go to sleep too. 

As he continues his way to his room, he only glances in Pony’s room. Sodapop is still sleeping, and Ponyboy’s eyes are still closed. Hopefully he’s fallen asleep as well. Closing their door, Darry goes into his room and crawls into his own bed. He doesn’t bother putting on pajamas, he’s entirely too exhausted. He’s been awake for damn near twenty-four hours, he’s missed his bed goddamn it. 

Darry’s in bed for all of five minutes when he hears a muffled whine followed by quiet crying. It’s Ponyboy; he knows it. He waits a moment for Sodapop to wake up and handle it. Instead of Soda’s groggy voice asking what’s wrong, he hears the cries cut themselves off and the noisy movements of feet shuffling along the ground. Suddenly, having an intense amount of deja vu, Darry sits up. 

His door creaks open and there stands Ponyboy with his baby blanket wrapped around his shoulders and fresh tears streaming down his face. When did he get that blanket? Darry could swear it wasn’t on his bed earlier. There’s a frown on Ponyboy’s face that brings Darry out of his thoughts, “Said come back?”

Darry rubs his eyes tiredly. “I did, baby, your eyes were just closed, you didn’t see me come in.”

“Nuh uh,” Pony shakes his head.

Darry blinks. “Yes they were! How you gon’ tell me?” He closes his eyes and huffs. Take a deep breath Darry, don’t let him rile you up. He opens his eyes and breathes out heavily. “Go back to bed, julybug.” 

Ponyboy simply stares at him with his big green eyes. Darry can’t take much more of this tonight so he decides to beat the middle man; he scoots over, lays back down, and pulls the covers open. “Fine, get in.”

Before he can count to three, his littlest is tucked into his chest with the covers wrapped around him. Darry blinks twice in surprise before he closes his eyes to go to sleep. 

“Darry?”

It takes everything in him not to sigh out loud. “Yes, Ponyboy?”

“When you didn’t come back-”

“I did too!”

“Shut up. When you didn’t come back,” he insists with a slight shrug. “Thought you were gon’ leave us,” Ponyboy mutters. “Changed your mind and was lettin’ the cops take me…”

Darry’s heart skips. “You thought I was gon’ do what, kid?”

“Is they gon’ take me and Johnny to the ‘lectric chair?” Pony asks in an attempt to change the subject. “You get the ‘lectric chair for murder, y’know.”

Well, fuck Darry. He licks his lips and moves his hand to massage Ponyboy’s head. “No, baby. Ain’t nobody comin’ to take y’all. I told you I’d keep you safe, didn’t I?” He can feel Ponyboy nodding against him, but it’s not enough for him.

Darry still isn’t ready, he has no clue what to say, but if Ponyboy really thought Darry was going to rat to the fuzz then clearly he fucked up more than he thought. He’s truly gone and ruined this family hasn’t he? Forget not being ready, he’s got to say something, “Ponyboy?”

“Yeah, Dar?”

“I know I haven’t been saying it lately, but you know I love you right?” He can feel Pony stiffen against him and it tears his heart clean in two as everything comes tumbling out of him. “I didn’t mean to hit you tonight, baby, I promise. When you were late to come back, I got real scared. I thought something had happened to you,” He’s choking back tears and he can’t bring himself to look at his brother. “I guess something did happen to you,” he chuckles humorlessly. “But that’s more my fault really.”

Pony leans away from him and starts to sit up. “Darry-”

“I’m serious, Pones.” He doesn’t want to, but his apology will probably be received better if sits up as well; prove that he’s serious and means it. “I-I know I’m supposed to be Superman; strong, brave, and invincible or whatever, but I got scared. I thought something bad might’ve happened. I was scared the cops would knock on the door and tell me you were dead like Mama and Daddy, and I can’t lose you too, Ponyboy. I really can’t; ‘cause you’re my baby, you know that?” His voice breaks and Darry stops rambling for a moment to catch his breath.

Ponyboy’s silent next to him. “I’m sorry I’ve been so strict on you lately, but I promise there’s a reason. I don’t want them to take you and Soda away, I don’t know what I would do without you two. You two have been my babies since Mama and Daddy first told me they were having yall. I promised I’d always take care and make sure yall were safe.

“And I know I ain’t been doing too good a job at it, and I’m real sorry about that, baby. But please give me a second chance, and I promise I’ll do right by you, baby. I ain’t never leaving you, Ponyboy, not less you tell me to.” Darry has more to say, a whole lot more, but at this point he’s sobbing so badly he can hardly breathe let alone speak. 

Ponyboy sniffs and pulls him into a tight hug. “I love you too, Darry.” That’s all he says, the kid’s always been relatively quiet, but it’s everything to Darry. That’s all he needed to hear; he’s not sure if it’s the “I forgive you” he needs, but it’s enough for now. If his baby brother still loves him then he probably doesn’t want Darry to leave them.

Gasping for air again, Darry lays back down, pulling Pony with him and drags the covers back over them. “Darry?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“Thanks for helping me and Johnny.”

“Anytime, kiddo.” He pauses, thinking for a second. “We’ll have to get rid of the blade tomorrow though; how’d you feel about a fishing trip?”

Pony laughs and nods his head. “Sounds good, old man.”

“Old man? What’s old about fishing!” 

“It’s an old man hobby to match your old man name, Darrel.” 

Darry fakes a gasp and gently pushes Pony. “Well get out of my bed then, if you’re so young and spry.”

“No!” He was only joking but he can hear the panic in Pony’s voice as he hurries to cover it up. “I-I have to make sure you don’t choke in your sleep or nothin’.”

Darry nods slowly and lets the joke die out. “Oh, I understand then,” he yawns. “C’mere and keep my old bones warm then, yeah?”

Ponyboy hums in that phony reluctant way of his and climbs to lay on top of Darry. “I’m keeping you safe too,” He says with a grin. “Do you feel safe yet?”

Darry just rolls his eyes and makes sure the cover is over Pony enough before he closes his eyes. “Yeah, baby, I feel plenty safe. Now, get some sleep alright?”

He feels Ponyboy nod against him and begin to make himself comfortable. Eventually, Ponyboy settles with his head buried in Darry’s neck and Darry is sure it can’t be all that comfortable, but Pony’s quick to fall asleep so he quits worrying and joins him.