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“Lix, you’re sure you wanna stay here alone?” Chan asked again, he’d spent the whole day checking up on Felix who had agreed to stay at their flat alone over Christmas.
“Chris, it's fine. My Parents are busy, so I’ll just stay here!” Felix chirped back before returning to his PC, where he had been playing some sort of RPG story game.
“You know I'm not gonna let you stay here alone right?” Chan laughed.
Felix turned back around in his gaming chair and stared at Chan with a confused look before raising an eyebrow.
“You could come with me to my parents?” Chan asked softly a hopeful but shy look painted across his face.
It's not that Felix was scared or anything, Of course, he’d met Chan’s family having grown up with them since he was at least six. Chan and Felix had been family friends for as long as he could even remember so it wouldn’t be weird at all, there was just something that felt different.
“So?” Chan asked, he was now peering down at Felix with a somewhat excited expression.
Felix knew Chan’s family went hard for Christmas, he supposed it would be kinda fun even if the idea of it made his heart race a little.
Felix shrugged, “Yknow what, sure, why not,” he said finally a warm smile spreading across his lips.
Chan’s face lit up with excitement and a big dimpled smile made its way across his face. And maybe just maybe his heart skipped a beat or three at the idea that Felix would be spending Christmas with him and his family.
“Okay well better pack fast, my Mum’s picking us up in an hour,” Chan said briefly before picking up an empty backpack from the ground and chucking it at Felix’s head.
“Ouch! damn okay I will,” Felix replied before turning off his PC and walking across the room to rummage through a few clothing drawers. Chan walked out of the room leaving the door open on his way out.
Chan walked to his room picked up a few extra pieces of clothing and shoved them into his already mostly packed bag, he guessed he should probably call his Mum. The tone rang for a few seconds before his Mum finally picked up with a sweet-sounding “Hello?”
“Hey um, I was wondering if Felix could stay with us for Christmas?” Chan asked after waiting a few seconds.
“Ahhh! Absolutely! It'll be like the old times, I’m about an hour away!” She exclaimed excitedly before hanging up abruptly.
Chan wondered if she missed how it used to be before Chan and Felix had moved away to a flat in the city for uni and stuff. He’s sure she must be happy they’re coming back home, The pair used to live in a small town just outside of Seoul with their families before both moving up to the city for University.
Chan grabbed his pillow and packed bag and walked out of his room to the lounge before dropping down on the couch luggage falling to the ground next to him.
Chan knew the next few weeks were gonna be a living hell for him, it wasn’t exactly a secret in his household that he had the hugest crush on Felix. He thought he hid it well but at this point, the only person who hadn’t realized was Felix himself. ( who happened to be his best friend and favorite roommate out of four.)
“Chris!” Felix yelled from his room, the two of them had agreed to speak English to each other in fear that they’d lose their Australian accents since moving out of their English-speaking homes.
“What?” Chan yelled back.
“Cmere!” Felix yelled to him again.
Chan hopped up from where he was sitting and made his way down the hallway leaving his bags abandoned as he walked into Felix’s still dimly lit room. The moment he walked in he was greeted by the biggest mess of clothes everywhere.
“Oh my god what happened,” Chan said, Felix looked up from where he was searching through the piles of clothes on the ground.
“I have no good clothes,” Felix replied with a small pout on his face.
“It's just my family Lix, you know they wouldn’t care,” Chan said with a soft smile.
“Okay well, don’t be surprised if I steal your clothes,” Felix said before grabbing a clothing piece off the end of his bed and putting it on swiftly.
Chan laughed a bit before crouching down on the ground with Felix and helping him shove a few bits and pieces into his now full backpack.
They finished packing Felix’s stuff, and the pair were now sitting on his bed waiting for Chan’s Mum. Felix's head was leaning on Chan’s shoulder, and the older man was trying to stay as calm as possible. Taking a quick peak, Chan moved his head to look down at the blonde, and—was that his hoodie?
“Is that my hoodie?” Chan asked suddenly and Felix froze beneath him.
Felix laughed nervously before sitting up and scratching the back of his head. “Oh, is it? Haha’” Felix said still laughing nervously.
It was definitely Chan’s hoodie, it had his name written all over it. Like literally. The front had a small emblem from his old swimming team in high school. And the back had ‘CB97’ printed across it, damn Chan thought he’d lost that hoodie.
Chan leaned forward to ruffle Felix’s hair endearingly and he swore Felix was blushing, maybe he was delusional, “getting old” as one of their other roommates Seungmin would say.
Just then Chan’s phone notification went off, Chan pulled back and picked up his phone to see his Mum’s message written across the screen reading, “I'm here, waiting outside in the car.”
“Okay, let's go Lix,” Chan said with a warm smile before getting off the bed swiftly and walking to the lounge to get his bags, Felix followed closely behind holding his luggage and they both walked out the front door making sure it was locked behind them.
“Ahh! My boys!” Chan’s mum called out to them as they walked down the small driveway where the car was parked on the side of the road. When they walked up to her she had a huge cherry smile on her face one that was almost identical to Chan’s, Felix felt warm.
The pair hopped into the car, sliding into the warm backseat, Chan slamming the door closed behind them.
“So… when did you two finally start dating?” Chan’s Mum said with a smirk, she was looking at the pair in her rearview mirror with teasing eyes.
“What! We aren’t dating?!” Chan quickly retorted his face heating up, He looked across at Felix who was blushing a warm pink before turning back to his Mum.
“We’re just friends, you know this,” Chan said finally before turning away and looking back to Felix whose smile flickered as he turned to look out the window.
“Yeah..” Felix replied he was still looking out the window, Chan wondered why he was acting like that, it was weird he hated it when he couldn't read the younger.
Chan’s mum finally turned on the engine and the duo both put on their seatbelts before the car had finally started moving. Chan’s Mum had sensed the energy shift so she put on some Christmas music and started to hum along softly in hopes of raising their spirits.
“Felix?” Chan finally said after some time, Felix turned towards him a rather dull look still sitting on his face.
“You okay? Cheer up cmon,” Chan said before shifting as close to him as his seatbelt would let him and poking him softly on the cheek, Felix scoffed amusingly and shook his head softly before leaning across and resting his head on Chan’s shoulder.
Felix had dozed off, he still had his head on Chan’s shoulder and Chan’s hand had slipped around his waist to keep him from falling, he was breathing oh-so softly and any negative emotions had slipped off his face leaving such a peaceful expression.
Chan thought Felix was more than beautiful like this, he always was so angelic but there was a whole new level of peace when he was sleeping.
Before they knew it an hour had gone by and they’d arrived, the car had come to a complete stop. Chan looked down at the still-sleeping Felix and decided he’d have to wake him as much as he didn’t want to.
“Felix,” Chan whispered before shaking him gently, nothing. He shook him again this time a little harder and Felix began to open his eyes slowly a dazed look on his face as he lifted his head.
“Chris? Are we here?” He asked sleepily before leaning back onto Chan’s shoulder still looking up at him.
Chan’s Mum had already left the car, and it was just the two of them. In utter weakness, Chan looked down from Felix’s sleepy eyes to his lips.
“Chris..?” Felix said in the softest voice Chan had ever heard. Felix was still looking up at him his cheeks flushed a pink hue, Chan was sure his cheeks were matching in that moment.
Snapping out of his daze he quickly removed himself from Felix his arm slipping off Felix’s lithe waist and down to the floor where his bags were sitting. A flicker of something Chan didn’t recognize flashed across Felix’s face for a split second before he followed and picked up his bags too.
The pair made their way up the driveway and through the front door of Chan’s childhood home, the house was decorated with many, many Christmas lights and other festive decorations of the sort.
Hannah, Chan’s younger sister was sitting on the couch headphones in and Chan’s mum was in the kitchen. The duo made their way through the lounge and up the stairs to where Chan’s bedroom was, Chan hadn’t lived there since he was eighteen so when they walked through the door it was still filled to the brim with Marvel posters and comics.
“Holy shit, it looks the same since the last time I was here,” Felix said a humorous smile on his face as he looked around the room. Chan felt a pang of nostalgia at the thought that here they were in his childhood bedroom where they’d had so many sleepovers as kids.
“Yep, guess Mum didn’t pack anything up once I left,” Chan said smiling warmly at Felix before dropping his bags in the corner and walking up to Felix to take his luggage and put it in the same corner.
“C'mon, let's go help my Mum with dinner,” Chan said before hesitantly sliding his hand into Felix’s and dragging him back down the stairs to the kitchen where his Mum was still preparing dinner.
Chan liked holding Felix’s hand. It was something they’d always done, even at sixteen, when he had first discovered his debilitating crush on the blonde. Chan was what? Twenty-four now, and he was just in love with Felix as he’d been that many years ago. He’d been thinking about confessing to him for the longest time. He hadn’t been slick about his adoration for him at all. It was still a shock to Chan that he hadn’t found out yet.
“Mum, can me and Lix cook the dinner? You can do the Christmas Eve dinner?” Chan said or more like announced after stepping into the kitchen, His Mum turned towards the pair her eyes flicking down to their still-connected hands and back up to Chan’s face before smiling.
“Oh! Of course! Have fun you two,” She said while giggling and finally leaving the kitchen with a wink shutting the door behind her.
“That was weird she doesn’t usually let us..” Felix finally said, his cheeks were a little pink and he was avoiding Chan’s eyes.
“Don’t worry bout it Lixie,” Chan replied while walking past Felix and rubbing the small of his back a little before making his way to the food that was sitting out on the bench half made.
“Cmere, you can sit on the bench while I cook the steak,” Chan said looking back to the idly standing Felix, he made his way over to Chan and hopped up on the bench his legs dangling off swinging happily, Chan knew he loved watching him cook.
Chan picked up the freshly seasoned beef steaks and put them in a big frying pan of oil on the element, they sizzled a little as he dropped them in. Chan looked up at the intently watching Felix who seemed to be zoned out. Maybe Chan would confess, right now seemed good.
“Hey, uh Lix can I tell you something-” Chan said looking back down at the steaks and flipping them, Felix tilted his head a little in confusion before gesturing for him to go on.
“You know I really like you right?” Chan said finally, and oh god was he so fucking scared at that moment.
“Yeah, I know! I really like you too, you’re my best friend,” Felix replied smiling softly down at him. Well fuck, he forgot how oblivious Felix was, he guessed he’d try again tomorrow and be a little more direct.
“Of course haha,” Chan replied dully before putting his attention back on the steaks which were now almost fully cooked.
“Could you make a salad Lix?” Chan asked finally breaking the silence, Felix hopped off the bench and walked to the fridge to pick out the salad mix and put it in a big bowl, he squeezed salad dressing into the bowl and got some tongs to mix it.
Felix finished mixing his salad and brought the bowl to Chan with a big smile on his face, Chan couldn’t help but smile back fondly and chuckle to himself a little at how proud Felix looked of himself for making a simple salad.
Chan took the cooked steaks out of the frying pan, placed them each on a plate, and passed them to Felix to put salad on. After they’d finished plating the food, they took it all out to the dining table in the lounge.
“Oi, dinners ready!” Chan yelled to his sister and Mum before sitting down, Felix sat down next to him and Hannah made her way over to the table from where she was sitting on the couch.
Hannah sat down directly across from Chan and immediately grabbed her cutlery from its pile on the table and started to eat not saying a word.
Felix looked over at Chan who had already done the same and he finally grabbed his cutlery and began eating as well. Halfway through his meal, he looked over at Chan and he couldn’t help but laugh a bit at the pace he was eating.
“What..” Chan said after finishing his mouthful, Felix laughed again.
“It's like you haven’t eaten in a week,” Felix said while still laughing and Hannah choked on her food a little before also laughing with Felix.
“Why’re you laughing?!” Chan then said pointing aggressively at Hannah in her seat, Hannah laughed again before looking at Felix and giggling with him some more.
“Where’s your Mum?” Felix finally said after they’d all stopped giggling, Hannah shrugged before finishing the last of her meal and picking up her plate to take it to the kitchen.
“Wait Hannah, can you put her food in the microwave?” Chan asked just before Hannah made it to the kitchen door, she sighed and walked back to pick up both their Mum’s plates of food, and the pair’s now also empty plates.
“Okay, wanna go to my room now?” Chan asked hopping up from where he was sitting and holding out a hand for Felix to take, Felix took his hand smiling and nodding before the two of them made their way up the stairs and into Chan’s bedroom.
“What the fuck are you doing,” Chan said as soon as they opened the door, his Mum was on the ground trying to blow up a plastic mattress with only her mouth.
“Language Christopher, I was trying to blow this mattress up for Felix but I think it has holes in it..” She said before making a sad face and standing up finally giving up with the mattress.
“You two will just have to squeeze in Chris’s bed for now till I can buy another one,” she said gesturing to Chan’s small single bed. Chan looked at Felix and his face was entirely red, did he have a fever or something?
“It’s all good we’ll figure it out, oh yeah, and your dinners in the microwave,” He replied looking back at his mum with a small smile.
“Okay, goodnight boys!” she said cheerily before picking up the crumpled plastic mattress and walking out of his room.
It was once again just the two of them in the room and Chan could feel his face heating up at the idea of having to cuddle up with Felix in his childhood bed. He looked over at Felix whose face was still a little pink, he was now sitting on Chan’s bed fiddling with his fingers looking a little nervous.
“Um, I can sleep on the couch,” Chan said trying whatever he could to make Felix feel more comfortable, he walked over to where Felix was sitting and rubbed his shoulder softly trying to calm him down a bit.
“No, it's okay we can squeeze, I- uh don’t wanna be alone anyway..” Felix replied before looking up at Chan his eyes glittering in the reflection of the light behind him. Felix then leaned his head down to Chan’s hand and smothered his face into his palm which was still rubbing Felix’s shoulder gently. Chan might have forgotten to breathe for a second at the sight below him.
You see Chan prided himself on self-control but seeing Felix like this did something to his brain chemistry and not kissing him right now was harder than anything he’d ever done. Chan took a deep breath before removing his hand from Felix’s small face and taking a small step backward, A look of disappointment flashed across Felix’s face once again and Chan wondered what he’d done wrong this time.
Chan walked over to where his bag was sitting in the corner and pulled out two sets of baggy shirts and shorts throwing one pair at Felix who was still sitting on his bed. Chan immediately started changing, it’s not something Felix isn’t used to, being his roommate and all.
Chan had changed his shorts and had only just taken his shirt off when he felt a tap on his bare shoulder, he turned around to find a very cute Felix who had changed into his clothes somehow faster than himself. Chan’s clothes hung off Felix’s body and he couldn’t help but blush at the thought that he was so much smaller than him.
Felix was less than an arm's length away from Chan another expression he didn’t recognize was on his face and a queasy feeling swirled in Chan’s stomach as Felix stepped closer only a few inches away from touching him now.
His hand slowly hovered up to Chan’s bicep before slowly caressing down his arm to his wrist and letting go to look up at Chan with an absolutely sinful look in his eyes. A shiver made its way down Chan’s spine and his cheeks heated a warm pink, Felix’s eyes then dropped to his lips for a few seconds before moving back to his eyes. Did Felix want Chan to kiss him? Was he misreading this?
Felix was practically begging Chan to kiss him just with the look in his eyes, and Chan found himself questioning every moment he’d spent with Felix and if he just so maybe liked him back.
Chan’s eyes flitted down to Felix’s well-sculpted lips before slipping a hand to his waist his hand fitting right into the groove above his hips. Felix took another step closer to Chan, their chests were just almost touching and their faces were only a few inches from meeting now.
Chan figured he’d let this happen, and just as he was about to close the gap. The loudest beeping chimed through the room.
Did Chan’s phone seriously just go off now?
Felix jumped back at the loud beeping noise and Chan’s hand fell off his waist at lightning speed and back to his side.
At that moment all Chan could say was, “Um.” Before walking over to where his phone was charging and turning off his alarm, he quickly tugged his shirt over his head and walked out of the room to the bathroom leaving Felix just standing there idly.
Chan briskly made his way down the hallway and to the bathroom before walking in and slamming the door shut behind him. He walked to the sink and rested his head on the edge of the sink taking four long deep breaths, fuck he can’t believe that had almost happened. Did Felix like him like that? Did he just seriously fuck up? Oh god, how the hell was he supposed to sleep in the same bed as him after that?
Chan took a few final deep breaths before fixing up his hair a bit in the mirror and opening the door to walk back down the hallway to his room.
When he walked through the door Felix wasn’t standing anymore, the light had been turned off and Felix was lying in his bed the covers over his head. Chan closed the door before walking up to his bed and slipping in next to Felix, Felix who had felt him slide in moved even closer to the wall squishing himself against it to avoid any physical contact with Chan.
Chan felt a pang of guilt and wondered if he’d ruined their friendship. Nah he could fix this surely?
“Lix?” Chan whispered into the blob of darkness next to him, nothing, his only reply being shuffling around more.
“Lix, cmon we gotta talk about this,” Chan said again hoping to at least get some sort of reply from the younger. Felix only shuffled around more obviously upset. See Chan did believe in consent and boundaries but he knew what he had to do to get Felix to talk to him, even if it was a bit forceful.
Chan found Felix’s small wrist underneath the blanket and quickly pulled him closer before he could resist, Felix’s head wasn’t under the blanket anymore and he was now facing Chan his dark eyes glimmering with tears.
“Lix-” He stopped and realized Felix was crying, Chan’s hand loosened from his wrist and his face softened at the sight in front of him.
Felix was now sniffing and hiccupping while trying to wipe all the tears from his face.
“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to,” Felix managed to get out before sniffing loudly again, Chan realized Felix also thought it was his fault.
Chan didn’t respond but quickly wrapped the smaller boy up in a tight hug and whispered a small “It’s okay’s,” into his soft hair. After a little bit, Felix’s sniffles became much smaller and Chan pulled back from the hug to look at Felix’s dimly lit face before speaking.
“Do you wanna talk about it now? or-” Chan asked hesitantly before bringing his thumb up to Felix’s face to wipe the last remaining tear.
“Can we just talk about it tomorrow? m’ tired,” Felix replied with a small yawn.
“Mhm, anything angel,” Chan replied before wrapping his arms around Felix’s waist and pulling him to his chest, Felix stretched his arms around Chan’s shoulders before closing his eyes and letting out a deep breath.
Chan could feel Felix’s heartbeat racing exceedingly fast against his chest, it was cute, he didn’t know what was happening between them right now but he had some hope that Felix liked him back. He’d stop tiptoeing the line and confess properly tomorrow.
And so Chan dozed off heart racing in sync with Felix’s against him.
Felix woke up first, he had this horrible habit of waking up far too early almost all the time. His legs were tangled between Chan’s, a hand still resting on his waist, God it was cold.
Felix slowly untangled himself from Chan as carefully as he could before hopping off the edge of the bed to open the curtains, It was so damn cold he could feel goosebumps rising on his arms. Felix made it to the curtains and pulled them open with a gasp, Holy shit it was snowing, like really, really snowing. A thick layer of white covered the neighborhood more small fluffy pieces of snow still falling.
“Oh my god,” Felix said in a raised voice, Chan shifted in the bed making a small groaning noise before opening his eyes groggily.
“Lix?” Chan asked in a gravelly voice, He managed to pull himself up still sitting under the blankets before shivering and cussing a little he pulled the blankets back up to his shoulders.
“Chris, oh my god it’s snowing so hard,” Felix said walking up to Chan excitedly with a happy smile on his face he grabbed one of Chan’s hands to pull him up out of bed and towards where he was looking outside of the window.
“Oh shit, you’re right,” Chan said in awe still looking out the window, Felix then looked at him his eyes sparkling brightly, Chan thought about the previous night.
“I’m getting the snow clothes out, race you there!!” Felix yelled before running out of the room.
“Wait- Lix, we still have to talk!” Chan yelled down the hallway while chasing after Felix who was laughing like a maniac running to the closet where they kept their snow clothes.
“What’s all this-” A voice said behind the pair, it was Hannah. She looked as if she’d just rolled out of bed.
“It’s snowing! We’re going outside!” Felix replied cheerily ignoring what Chan said at all costs, Hannah took one look out the window and shrugged before going back into her room and closing the door.
Felix had managed to dig out two pairs of snowwear and boots before immediately starting to put them on over his sleepwear, Chan let out a sigh before following and putting on the pair Felix had pulled out for him.
After the two of them were fully suited up for the weather they walked down the stairs and past the kitchen where Chan’s Mum had already started preparing for the big Christmas Eve feast.
“Where are you two off to?” She said walking out of the kitchen to where the pair was making sure all their gear was on properly.
“Outside for a bit, gonna play in the snow,” Chan replied with a smile, his Mum looked them up and down before nodding.
“Stay warm, I do not want either of you getting sick before dinner,” she said before laughing and walking back to the kitchen.
“Okay lets go!” Felix said before grabbing Chan’s hand and opening the front door, they stepped outside and into the snow, and god was it beautiful out there. Felix pulled Chan a little further out the door and started walking across the now fully covered lawn.
Chan stopped suddenly halfway across the lawn causing Felix to stop as well and turn to look at him before tilting his head in question. Felix looked angelic at that moment, Snow fell around the two of them and it almost seemed like they were in a world of their own. Chan took a deep breath.
“Felix you know I-” Felix jolted forward covering his hand over Chan’s mouth. Chan looked at him in confusion for a few seconds before Felix blurted it out.
“I’m in love with you,” Felix said finally, Chan was in a state of shock, sure he knew Felix felt something for him but love? He didn’t think he was that lucky. No words could leave his mouth at that moment, it felt as if the world had stopped spinning. Felix kept blurting.
“I’ve been in love with you since I met you, Chris, I never thought I'd get a chance with someone like you so I took whatever I could just to touch you, and I know that was wrong and I love you so much, and it's okay if you don’t-” Felix managed to get out before Chan pulled Felix’s hand off his mouth and surged forward smashing his lips against his.
It took Felix a moment to comprehend that Chan was kissing him before he started to kiss back, a smile made its way to his now warm lips and Felix could feel Chan smiling into the kiss as well. Felix wound his arms tightly around Chan’s neck and Chan’s hands hovered down to rest at their place on his waist.
They both had lost their breath by now and Chan was the one to pull back, his face was fully pink and he couldn't stop smiling, Felix was sure his face matched the latter.
“Felix, of course, I love you back,” Chan said finally before laughing warmly and pulling Felix in again to wrap his arms around him his head now resting on Felix’s shoulder.
“Be my boyfriend Lix,” Chan said softly into his shoulder and Felix couldn’t help but giggle.
“Of course my love,” Felix replied kissing him on the head softly.
Felix pulled back and laughed again the happiest smile across his face, Chan thought that maybe he’d won the lottery.
“Oi! Lovebirds! Come eat breakfast!” a voice yelled, the pair turned around to find Chan’s Mum leaning out the kitchen window yelling, Hannah stood behind her a smirk plastered across her face. Oh, they’d definitely seen the whole thing.
Chan blushed before intertwining his fingers with Felix’s and walking hand in hand back to the front door. The pair took off all their snow gear at the doorstep before hopping back inside the warm house.
They walked into the lounge Chan’s Mum and Sister leaning against the back of the couch looking at them expectantly.
“Yes, okay- we’re dating now,” Chan said with a scoff before turning around before they could see the blush on his cheeks. Chan pulled Felix away into the kitchen to make breakfast hearing two small cheers of “Yes!” as they left.
Chan closed the kitchen door swiftly and pushed Felix back to the edge of the counter forcing him to jump up onto it.
Chan then pulled him down by the collar of his shirt and into a heated kiss, Chan bit Felix’s lip softly getting a small gasp out of the blonde. Felix’s hands moved to Chan’s hair and sifted through his dark locks.
“No sex in the kitchen!” Chan’s Mum’s voice yelled from the lounge and the pair jolted off each other before laughing loudly cheeks both flushed red, breathing heavily.
Chan wondered why he hadn't confessed sooner because it felt amazing to be with Felix, it was easier than breathing to Chan.
Was it too soon to think about marriage? Probably. And was he going to think about it every day as long as he dated Felix?
Probably.