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“Who the hell is that?”
“That’s Eddie Diaz, new recruit. Graduated top of his class just this week. Guys at station 6 were dying to have him but I convinced him join us.”
“What do we need him for?”
Alright, the Silver Star mention was a little bit cool, Buck had to admit that at least. And sure, he was Army and Buck actually managed to get through Navy SEALS training before deciding being an emotionless robot wasn’t for him, so they weren’t that different, but maybe that was the issue.
Eddie seemed cool, collected, and sensible, where Buck was loud, energized, and thinking a thousand thoughts at a mile a minute. He was in a way, an opposite of Buck and that was wherein lies the issue.
Sure, Buck felt like he and Bobby had come a long way since Bobby had first fired him and then actually rehired him in the span of hours, but there was still wiggling feeling of doubt. More like thrashing and screaming feeling of doubt - but the feeling nonetheless as Buck caught himself staring for too long at the retired military man.
What did they need him for?
A replacement! Of course! They’re gonna replace you! Why wouldn’t they?
No. C’mon. Bobby’s better than that, right?
Right?
“Hey Buck.” He barely catches Hen sitting next to him on the couch in the firehouse loft as he sneakily watches Diaz from where he sits with a few of the other station members at the dinner table, getting to know each other.
“Hey.” He responds, reaching over to the coffee mug she’s placed on the table while holding a steaming mug herself as she watches Buck.
“So. Are you having a staring contest with the back of Eddie’s head? Ooh, who’s winning?”
At that Buck finally cuts away from yes, staring at Eddie’s head, and looks over at the paramedic, who’s wearing a small shit-eating grin on her face as she sips at her mug.
“Ha ha. I’m not staring at him. Just…”
“Just what? Burning holes into his skull with how hard you’re glaring at him?”
Buck scoffs, “No! I’m not staring at him. Just, I don’t know, sizing him up? Assessing him? Not in a bad way, just-seeing what he’s like.”
“Well. You could see better what he’s like if you actually talked to the man. Not just staring at him.”
“Still not staring. And…why? I mean, we’ll get to know him as time goes on, right? I don’t need to know all his secrets now. Just, give it time I guess.”
Give it time to replace you? For them to realize he’s better?
“Uh huh.” Hen’s clearly not convinced, but any further rebuttal on her end is cut short by the alarm going off, a robotized voice listing out a car crash and injuries on scene.
He and Hen drop their coffees on the table - probably cold when they get back and run to their respective vehicles, with Eddie close on their tails.
The whole ride over Buck is very much not staring at Eddie, thank you. And yes, he’s man enough to admit that Chimney and Hen weren’t wrong - Eddie is an attractive man - which somehow makes him being there sting just a little bit more.
Buck’s confident in who he is…mostly. He’s gotten better at it. Whatever it is, he’s learned, he’s adapted and he knows that people look at him and just see Buck, big firefighter man who’s come to rescue them from whatever perilous situation they’ve found themselves in. It’s part of the reason he likes firefighting so much, people just see the uniform and they don’t question him. They don’t have time to question him and sometimes are just thankful he’s there.
He remembers being a teenager and feeling uncomfortable with guys who looked down on him, wishing he was taller and more like them but not knowing why at the time - they just looked at him and saw a scrawny tomboy - he was always a tomboy growing up, but it wasn’t until he realized as he got older why he flocked to that perception of him so much.
Buck hit 18 and hit a sudden growth spurt at the same time and he had never been so grateful for hidden genetics. He remembers going to college - for a little bit - and meeting new people and someone had assumed he was a guy and it didn’t feel weird. A few days later a new classmate of his was discussing about being transgender and how their doctor was being a dick when it clicked in Buck’s - Evan’s - head and he honestly felt a little stupid. It felt a little glaringly obvious.
He knew what transgender was. He knew about it. He just never assumed it fit him - until now.
Her-his head snapped to Oliver sitting across from…him, staring a little too hard at the nice fade Oliver was saying he had just gotten a few days ago from a nice barber downtown.
“I think I’m…like you?”
Oliver stopped. “Like me how?”
“Uh. Trans?”
There’s a small smile on Oliver’s face, “Oh hun, you didn’t know?”
Ev chuckles, “Ok, not your ‘hun’. And uh, no. But some guy called me a guy the other day, or like assumed I was and then now I’m sitting here in front of you and I kinda realized.”
“Hm. So, what do you wanna do?”
“What do you mean?”
“Y’know. Pick out some names, tell your family, pronouns, or not tell your family. Ideas?”
“I…don’t think my parents would be happy. They’re not religious, but I also don’t see them liking it.”
“Ok. I get it. Names?”
“Uh. Maybe something close to mine now?”
“Hm. Well, your name is Evelyn, right? But you said we can just call you Ev.”
“Yeah.”
“So. Maybe…Ev…an. Evan?”
“Evan. That works.”
“Well. It’s nice to meet you, Evan.”
He doesn’t flinch at the name anymore, like he used to when he was first transitioning. It was part of the reason he dropped out of college, he wanted to pay for his medication and the college insurance frankly sucked. He had a decent job at the supermarket downtown at the time and wanted to put that money towards slowly transitioning and then much later on a nice motorbike that got totalled only weeks after he bought it.
And some tattoos.
College hadn’t felt right at the time when it already felt like his world was tipping on its axis. He figured he would eventually go back.
He didn’t.
“Hi, Evelyn? My name’s Eddie, I’m a firefighter and we’re gonna get you out of here, ok? I just need to shield you from the saw I’m gonna use here.”
Hearing Eddie use that name made him flinch.
You think that’s why they don’t want you anymore? They want a real man?
Ok, they don’t even know about him being trans. So, stupid argument, brain.
Bobby probably knows. He thinks. He’s captain - wouldn’t he know?
He has been shirtless in front of Bobby - besides that one time - but he also qualified for peri-areolar, so not exactly obvious and maybe he’s realizing he should have at some point had a conversation with Bobby about this.
“Buck! Grab the jaws and help Eddie out.” Bobby’s voice cuts into his thoughts and he decides that he can spiral about this later, cause right now there’s a job to do.
—————————————————————————————————
It’s sometime after the gym showdown and Hen finds him brooding upstairs while they’re waiting for another call to shatter their eardrums.
“So. Heard you and Eddie had a spat in the gym earlier.”
Buck looks up at her from his spot on the couch, a new fresh coffee in his hands in mourning of the abandoned one from earlier in the day.
“We didn’t have a spat, and who told you that?”
“No one told me. I heard it. The firehouse isn’t that big. Now,” She sits down across from him, slightly staring him down, “Why don’t you like the guy? And I don’t know, maybe you’re just jealous and this is just a testosterone fuelled rampage - but for some reason my gut is telling me there’s more going on here.”
Buck curls his hands around his cup and stares down into the hot dark drink. You’d think he drank black coffee but there’s usually at least a spoon or two of sugar and everyone else thinks he’s slightly insane for skipping out on the milk.
“Random question. Were you with Karen when you started working with Bobby?”
Hen doesn’t answer at first, clearly wondering how the hell Buck being jealous of Eddie relates to her and Karen, but she answers anyway.
“Well, Karen and I were already together by the time Bobby started working here.”
“And I mean, well I know Bobby, but he was…good, I guess, about you guys?”
“Yeah. Yeah he was good. But you know this. But I’m still not seeing what this has to do with Eddie unless…you got a crush on him?-“
“No! I mean sure, he’s nice looking, even I can admit that but no. It’s more about me. I uh…haven’t told any of you guys - which I mean, I know you guys by now and it shouldn’t change anything but there’s always that fear, that little voice in your head that says it will.”
Hen just waits, giving Buck the time to try and fit together the words in his head.
“I guess. The thing with Eddie and more so with me is - uh. That car accident we went to earlier, the girl, her name was-“ He pauses, feeling his face shift and the corners of lips turn down.
“Her name was Evelyn. And it’s a nice name. I guess. But the thing is is it’s been years and I’ve met a surprising number of people with that name and it stopped bothering me. And then Eddie said it and I keep thinking - I keep thinking he’s like, taking my spot or something. And hearing him say it, I just can’t stop hearing it.” Buck rambles, staring into his mug as he does so, only finally looking up at Hen as he only gets silence from her side of the couch.
She quietly gets up, rounds the table and sits down beside him, tilting her head to look into his eyes. He doesn’t see any malice, any hatred, any pain. Just lightly confused and concerned but clearly open. She wants to hear what he has to say.
“Buck. Look, I think I know where this is going, but you’re gonna have to spell it out for me, hun.”
Hun.
God, he wonders where Oliver is now.
“I um.” His eyes flick back and forth to the mug he’s practically holding protectively against his chest. That he paid lots of money for. He finally catches her gaze and stays there, breathing in once and then out.
“I’m…trans. My name used to be-that. The one from earlier. And hearing Eddie say it is kinda stuck in my head. Which feels stupid.”
Hen reaches over and places a hand on his knee. “It’s not stupid. I mean, it’s been a little funny seeing you peacock all over the place with the new guy entering the territory-“
Buck just gives her a look.
“But it makes sense. You being bothered by him at all and suddenly there’s patient with your deadname and you’re hearing him say it? It probably doesn’t feel great. But you know we’re not replacing you, right? We couldn’t replace you Buck, you’re one of a kind.”
Buck blinks away his wet eyes and stares down at his coffee.
“Thanks Hen.”
“Of course.” There’s a pause. “Does Bobby know? Is that why you were asking about him?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. We’ve never talked about it. I kinda assumed he did, and he’s seen me shirtless but then I realized that probably didn’t clue him in.”
Hen frowns. “What, the double mastectomy scars didn’t clue him in? Wait. I’ve seen you shirtless. You don’t have those.”
“Well yeah, I got peri-ar…peri-eo-“
“Peri-areolar.”
Buck releases a hand from his mug and snaps a finger-gun at her answer. “That.”
“Okay. I’m sorry - that’s wonderful and I would like to hear all about it, maybe even look at your results if you don’t mind cause I’ve never actually seen it and I wanna see - but you’re telling me you can’t even pronounce the surgery you got?”
“Ok, look-“
“Say it with me now.”
“No.”
“C’mon. Peri-“
“Hen. No. You’re going to hold this over my head until the day I die, aren’t you?”
“I think it’s funny.”
“Of course you do.”
“But I’m also very proud of you, even if you can’t pronounce the surgery you got.”
“Hen-“
“But also, maybe you should and make nice with the new guy.”
Buck just gives her another look.
“Why?”
“Because the new guy isn’t the problem. And he’s not here to replace you. Hell, I think Bobby wanted him to be a partner for you.”
“A partner?”
“Well yeah, I’ve got Chim. Ralph’s got Sydney. Alex has Fred. Rich has Toby. You need someone too.” Hen answers, listing off different pairings from the A-shift crew.
“You think we could be partners?”
“You won’t know until you try.”
And with that, the alarm sets off, rattling off a new call as a middle aged man with a leg injury.
Little did they know, it would be a live bomb and set off a whole new trajectory for Buck and Eddie’s partnership.