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Something was off. Shawn could tell she was being weird pretty much the second he woke up that morning, rolling over to find Juliet’s side of the bed empty far earlier than it normally was. He got up, slowly, footing into the kitchen to look for her unsuccessfully. Turning around, he practically ran into her as she rushed out of the bathroom.
“There you are,” he yawned. “What are you doing up so early?”
“I just…couldn’t sleep,” she replied, leaning in to hug him.
Shawn immediately went into detective mode. The way she hesitated, the fleeting eyes, the unfamiliar way she stiffened against his arms.
Juliet was hiding something.
He wouldn’t interrogate her immediately, he decided, it was too early for that. He pulled away instead, taking her hand and leading them back to bed. He laid down on his side, his arms opening for her to lean against him, but she just sat down on the edge carefully. Something was definitely wrong.
“Jules?” He hesitated. “Is everything alright?”
Juliet stayed silent for a long time, staring across the room, her back turned to him. Finally, quietly, she spoke.
“It was a year ago today.”
Shawn racked his brain, but it was too early and his memory only went so far. He sat up, scooting to sit next to her. “What was, sweetheart?”
“We started fertility treatment. A year ago today.”
He just looked at her, taking her hand in his own. “Jules…”
“I guess I don’t know what I thought would happen,” she admitted. “I mean, we kind of went into it on a whim, didn’t we? We couldn’t decide whether or not it was something we wanted, but we were running out of time, so we decided to try it out anyway. Shawn, this is a huge thing, we should have been more sure about it. And now…it’s been a year, Shawn. A full year.”
Shawn stayed quiet for a long time after that, the right words evading him. “Well…yeah, it has. And I know it’s been difficult, but these things take time, Jules. And it’s really a wonderful thing we’re doing, right?”
“Of course it is, Shawn, but that doesn’t mean it’s right for us. I think most people who really want to be parents would be a little more decisive about going into something like this. We barely even thought about it. What does that say about us? Are we really equipped to raise a child if we don’t know whether or not we even want one?”
“Well, it– well,” he stuttered. “Sweetheart, I thought we were on the same page. Did something change?”
“It’s just, I mean, it’s been a year, Shawn. I guess I thought we’d be more prepared by now. Or,” she paused. “That it would’ve happened already.”
She looked down, letting him kiss her hand. “Is there anything I can do?” He asked.
She shook her head. “I should probably get ready for work.”
“Want me to start some coffee?”
“No,” she said quickly. “Just go back to bed, Shawn.”
- - -
“I don’t get it. I can read a murderer in a heartbeat, I can get a confession from just about anyone. Why can’t I figure her out, Gus?”
Shawn was sitting on his best friend’s front porch, having gone over to talk about his conversation from that morning. Gus, as it turned out, wasn’t much help. “I mean, she pretty much told you word for word what’s bugging her. What else is there to know?”
“There was something, believe me,” Shawn insisted. “Something else she wasn’t telling me. I know it.”
“Well, I mean,” Gus started. “I might have a guess, just reading between the lines.”
“Really? You do?” Shawn shot up. “Well, tell me, man, I’m really struggling here!”
“Okay, I don’t know it’s entirely correct, and this is just a guess based on what you told me,” he reminded. “But she could have been freaking out because she’s changed her mind.”
Shawn was quiet. “You really think so?”
“I can’t be sure. But a year of fertility treatment is a lot for anyone to deal with. Maybe she doesn’t want to keep going through all that effort, especially if she isn’t sure you should have kids at all.” Gus put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Shawn, if that is the case. I’m here for you.”
He looked down at his hands. “Thanks, Gus. I should probably head home.”
“You mean just next door?”
“I’ve heard it both ways.”
- - -
He thought for a long time about what he needed to say to Juliet the rest of the afternoon, waiting for her to return from the precinct. His own casework was put on hold, every usable part of his brain occupied by the conversation they were about to have.
She entered their house that evening looking more tired than usual, taking off her jacket and stopping in her tracks when she saw him. “Shawn. Hey.”
He smiled softly. “Are you doing alright?”
“Yeah,” she said, walking into the kitchen. “Actually, there’s something I need to talk to you about. It’s important.”
“Yeah, me too,” he started. “Listen, Jules, about this morning. I…sorta figured out what you were trying to tell me earlier. Or what you weren’t telling me, at least.”
“Oh, god.” She looked horrified, covering her face with her hands. “Shawn, I’m so sorry, I wanted to tell you, I just—”
“Jules, hey, it’s alright. I need you to know that I’m completely fine with the whole thing.”
She paused, confused. “Excuse me?”
“It’s completely okay, what you were talking about earlier. I have no problems with it whatsoever.”
She seemed offended. “I should certainly hope so.”
“Yeah, I mean, I know we kind of jumped into this on a whim, and maybe we should have thought about it more before we went through all the trouble, so if you’ve changed your mind about wanting kids, I completely understand. It’s been a lot for both of us.”
Juliet was looking at him like he had three heads. She exhaled sharply. “Shawn. Oh, my god, Shawn.”
It was his turn to look confused. “I don’t understand. Is that not what you were trying to tell me earlier?”
She laughed. “Wow. We are on completely different pages right now. No, it wasn’t.”
“Well what is it, then?” He became increasingly frustrated as her laughter continued. “I’ve thought this over a million times, now, Jules, but I’m still not actually a psychic. Help me out here!”
She took a deep breath, honing her laughter, before reaching into her pocket and placing something in his hand. “Okay. Here.”
He looked down at the small, long object he was holding, his brain taking a moment to recognize what it was. “A pregnancy test?”
Juliet just stared at him. “Yes, Shawn, it is.”
He looked back down at it, confused. “I don’t get it."
"You don't... I'm sorry?"
"I’ve seen a pregnancy test before, Jules. Like, pretty much monthly now.”
“Wow. Okay,” she sighed, realizing how much she had to spell it out for him. “Right. But there’s something different about this one. What did all our other tests have?”
He thought for a moment. “Pee?”
“No, it— no, Shawn, I mean right there. What’s usually right there?”
“A line.”
“Uh huh. And how many lines does this one have?”
“Two,” he observed. “That’s weird, huh? They usually only have one line. Must be defective or something.”
“Oh, my god!” She blurted. “It’s not defective, Shawn, it’s positive .”
He was silent for a while after that. Juliet watched the gears turning, slowly. “This test is positive?”
“Yes.” She crossed her arms.
“Huh.” He stared at it again. “Well—but then that would mean you’re—”
His brain finally put the whole glaringly obvious picture together, only giving him a second to kick himself for his stupidity before the panic set in. “Oh, god.”
“There it is.”
“Wow. Oh, god.”
She looked at him nervously. “You doing okay, Spencer?”
Shawn looked back down at the test, then looked again, just to make sure his eyes were seeing what he thought they were seeing. Then, slowly, he smiled. “We’re having a baby?”
It was Juliet’s turn to grin, nodding. “We’re having a baby, Shawn.”
He couldn’t stop staring at the test. “Oh, wow. Wow.” Finally, Shawn pulled her into a hug. “This is…wow.”
She giggled. “How are you feeling?”
Shawn thought for a moment. “Elated. Mortified. Hungry. You?”
“A lot of the same.” She pulled back, smiling. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this morning, there was just…a lot going through my head.”
“I don’t blame you. It’s going through my head right now. It’s a lot.”
She hugged him again. “Wanna process it in the Snuggie?”
“Only if you’re in it.”
Juliet smiled. “Where else would I be?”