Archive of Our Own

“Could you not be insufferable for two goddamn seconds!?” the voice rang through their entire apartment, strong enough to probably ruin the walls and get into their neighbors house.

“Ohh I would've been calm right now if it weren't for you leaving your shit all over the freaking apartment!” Butters has had enough, the apartment could pass for a trash can at this point and Kenny, or rather  ‘ Mr. I’m too busy to clean my own room’ won't land a single hand to help butters clean. And yet he still is calling butters insufferable!

“Maybe if you took a better look at the apartment you'd see that half of them are your shit!”   Kenny groaned, leaving to the kitchen probably to grab as Kenny likes to call it ‘something quick to relax me from strangling you right here and now’. Butters follows right behind him, like hell is butters going to let this slide off with just a casual drink, in fact there is a freaking army of beer cans on the floor right now!

“my vision is a-okay! Maybe we should take you to the doctor not only for an eye sight examination but a brain one too!” Butters stood in the middle of the small kitchen , hands on his hips. At this point Butters would seriously pay to understand Kenny. He really tries to! But it seems the more he tolerates Kenny the more he takes advantage of butters.

“Oh, please .” Kenny's hands pushed  things on the refrigerator making more of a mess. God could he be more inconsiderate!? At this point he could throw trash everywhere and butters wouldn't be surprised.

“don't ‘oh please’ me mister! This is the third time this week I see the apartment upside-down!” and guess who had to clean it every time it's a mess? Well it wasn't Mr.Too cool for cleaning. Oh god no! We can't let Kenny touch a single piece of trash without him whining and  groaning like a whor-

Okay no butters calm down you're better than this , breathe in and out. In and out.

“You know damn well that wasn't my fault! Cartman barged in with an idea and didn't give a shit to ask me if it was okay,” here he goes again putting the fault on someone else. Why can't he be responsible for his mistakes one goddamn time!?

“You could have stopped him! You go to the gym right? I don't see how you can't just push Eric away!” Kenny spent a whole lotta hours in the gym instead of helping butters clean. There was no way he couldn't just push Eric out. I mean it's Eric! As big as he is , he is so obese he can hardly hold himself.

“it's not that fucking easy!” Kenny slammed the refrigerator door closed, pinching his temple as wrinkles formed all over his forehead, huh he looked oddly wise like that. Did Butters accidentally step into another universe?

“darlin’ ima be honest with you, even I can push Eric out the door.” Butters raised a brow, his expression changing to ‘ even my dead grandma can lie better’. God was testing his patience today.

“maybe if he actually put any force when you push him you'd have a hard time too! Half of the time when you push him he just suddenly becomes a ragdoll!” Kenny got up , screaming in butter's face. Ohhh that does it.

“hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻōki i ka Lolo!?” (Can you stop being crazy!?) How could a person ever be so delusional!? Butters swears he has met and had to deal with all kinds of people but the worst person he had to deal with was Kenny, who of course had to be Butters' roommate.

Kenny's face turned into confusion but the anger never left. Well not gonna lie that was kinda impressive- Kenny was usually a calm person but for some unknown reason butters- a also very calm person- manages to get into Kenny's nerves surprisingly easily.

And well…Butters isn't exactly the type of person to keep his calm when someone picks a fight.

“What the fuck are you saying?” Kenny pushed his bangs back , but they came back with vengeance falling into Kenny's eyes making him possibly even angrier.

It was times like these where butters couldn't tell if Kenny was getting mad at him or his choice on letting his hair grow and now kept getting on his eyes.

A fight had also been created by that. Butters had suggested Kenny to just cut his hair off, heck, he could even get a buzz cut and still look good but it seemed that Kenny's emotional connection to his hair ran deeper than leading a convenient life. 

Yet as much as Kenny's hair getting into Kenny's eyes makes Butters skin itch by just seeing it , Butters has to admit- the fact that Kenny can't even understand those simple words made Butters blood boil.

How hard could learning two words be!? Especially since Butters oftenly resorts to Hawaiian when angered, which is something that has become more often since he has moved in with kenny.

“God! We've been living together for ‘ehā makahiki! You could at least learn two words in Hawaiian!” (four years)  is that too much to ask? Two words , that's all butters is asking for but as he stares into Kenny's raised eyebrows , a smirk inching to make an appearance on his face- shit, he is going to regret his own words isn’t he?

“decât ce spun?” (Then what am I saying?) Those are also pretty simple words , that butters should have understood and damn it Kenny you sly dog! Count your days!

“You know that's different,  maybe if you spoke more in Romanian then I wouldn't have such a hard time understanding what the heck you are saying! Okole!” (Ass!) Chek-mate! How about now motherfuuuu-ner? Yeah, how about that mother funner!

The look on Kenny’s face was enough to patch up butter's wounded pride , all he had to do now was to leave while he still had the last word.

“Du-te-n Pula mea!” (Suck my dick!) Kenny screamed after him but it was too late now as Butters' back hit the wooden door of his room.

Well that my dear friend was none other than the infamous Kenny McCormick,  butter's intelligent,  hot and an incredible pain in the ass roomate who thinks that trashing up the apartments every time Butters cleans it was the ideal way to go through life.

What a tough biscuit.

Butters repeatedly hit his head on the wooden door. How the hell did he end up in this situation?

Well to be fair he did bring that upon himself when he chose to live with kenny that summer. Butters who found himself in front of an apartment which was conveniently close to butters work and was just as conveniently cheap for butters. If you think this was an opportunity butters would miss then you haven't met butters during his desperate day's, his college days.

Butters clenched the holder of his lounge.  He had yet to meet the owner of the house and to be completely honest butters social skills aren't exactly the best.

His hands were sweaty just at the prospect of meeting someone new  and with all honesty he had been binge watching those weird serial killer shows Tweek had recommended to him, which wasn't the best decision when you are moving in with a stranger.

Nevertheless , those shows had managed to convince him to bring a whole kit of stuff to protect himself instead of bringing his sleeping bag.

Hopefully the guy could let him sleep on the couch…

Butters knocked again. He had been waiting for 9 minutes and his future roommate hadn't been answering the door or given any sign of life .

Oh gee… What if he wasn't even home? Butters had come a little earlier than the promised time so they could sort things out quickly and then hopefully convince himself that the paranoia Tweek has been giving him was just that: Paranoia.

Butters made another attempt at knocking but before he could-

“Hello?” Butters eyes slowly inched to make it to his roommate's face. Spring sky colored eyes meeting summer midnight ones.

Oh dear…

The guy brushed the golden hays of his hair out of his face , his bronze tinted skin making him seem like he was shining. There were small droplets of water barely clinging to his porcelain skin, like the guy was a treasure that no archeologist droplet would dare give up on , something butters completely understood.

“Oh um..hi.” right…reality. Remember butters act normal, act normal. Who cares if Butters didn't expect his roommate to be exactly his type? Butters could talk to attractive people without messing up his words.

“Come right in, sorry for the wait. I just came out from the shower “ the guy pushed himself to the side because, of course butters hot roommate has to have board shoulders that blocked most of the door.

Butters shoot the guy a nervous smile that was hopefully not as awkward as he think it is, getting himself inside the warm house. 

The house was minimal , there weren't a lot of decorations but the air of warmth had his freezing feet gradually working to finally being room temperature or -a gift from God really- warm, really gave a cozy vibe.

Butters pushed the shoes out of his toes but Kenny had shoes on as he continued to walk into the house. Oh no, he was that type of person. Take deep breaths butters , it's not the end of the world.

“um- where shall we start…uhhh- here come.” Kenny grabbed Butters wrist , pulling him towards the kitchen infused living room.

Butters tried listening to the guy's rent about the living room and kitchen -he really did but every time he tried it was quickly muffled by butters thoughts.

But could you blame him!? He tried looking up to the guy so he could at least look like he was listening but every. God. Damn. Time. He found himself looking down at the guy's large hand that had wrapped around his wrist , a koala loosely hanging on a tree brach . It priced right through butter's heart,- the kind gesture of not only showing him around but already making butters feel comfortable. 

His hand was warm, yet his fingers were cold…huh? 

Butters looked up at the guy but the guy was avoiding his gaze . Once he had read an article- Okay,  no he had read just the title- about  how when you get nervous,  your fingers become cold. Was the guy getting nervous…of him?

“-Yeah and that's all. Heh. Um- if you don't mind me asking. What's your name? I mean we will be leaving together , might as well know your name” the guy finally met butters eyes, his gaze determined? What?

“oh, y-yeah. Butters- ahh- sorry , no that's my nickname- I know it's a weird one-” oh no, he is making it awkward,  calm down , calm down.

“Hey, it's okay. No need to tell me.” the guy- uhhh Kenny was it? Butters wasn't really listening when they had first introduced each other through phone , too busy convincing Tweek that him moving to another apartment closer to his work doesn't mean they weren't going to see each other again.

 Honestly the guy should be thankful it wasn't a tweek having a mental breakdown because one of the presidents  ahem ahem Mr. Garrison  ahem ahem used him as bait for North Koreans.

“no- it's okay. My name is Leopold but usually people call me butters.”

“Hmm, Leopold , Leopold,  Leo.”  Kenny's soft looking lips turned into a smile.  His eyes have a shine that overtakes them , a full moon on the dark blue midnight sky , making him look like a child tasting candy for the first time , except instead of it being a sweet substance it was butter's name. His real name.

Butters could feel the heat on his face becoming more than just a ‘it's because it's warm’ thingy. Oh uh, shit, damn it , oh hamburgers, ah-what? 

Oh jeez, he looked like an idiot,  didn't he? He could bet his face had turned into a piggy pink and his ears were letting out steam like some steaming pot, but the most pathetic  thing must be him trying to formulate a sentence and completely failing.

Kenny started laughing, his hand trying to muffle how hard he was laughing. And as much as butters wanted to look at the laughing sun , there was a reason why you can't stare directly at it. 

Damn it…he made it awkward didn't he?

“Oh man, sorry I just… I didn't think I'd be lucky enough to have someone like you as my roommate, Leo.”  Butters swears that the only reason Kenny added ‘Leo’ to that already flattering sentence was to see butters get turned into a broken machine, and when Kenny's lips tug up into a half moon , still as shiny as the sun ,yet somehow softer. Fonder.

Lucky? Having someone like him? Oh dear…

Oh dear indeed , that was a butters who still didn't know that that sun was just as burning as any other.

It has been four years since that day, four years since he met a sun that had burned him like no other, four years since he met a guy that had made him feel like he could fit in, until even that was taken away.

No, no he wasn't going to drown himself in more self pity. No.

Beep

Butters looked to the side, his phone lighting up like a beacon of hope that maybe could distract him from the countless memories clinging to the back of his head , too stubborn to be forgotten, to be pushed away. Annoying gum stuck to your just clean shoe.

Butters looked at the screen the heart emoji displayed filling his stomach with honey-like happiness. The way he snatched the phone could be easily compared to  a cheetah grabbing their prey except the prey was comfort, something outrageously hard to find these days.

❤️- I miss you babe💏

Four words and a silly emoji, that was all that it took to make four years of longing memories disappear. Maybe he was too easy to be swayed like that, but he doesn't mind, he enjoys it, enjoys the minutes he spends writing to his boyfriend like his problems could disappear just like that , poof! With just one word from him.

—--

“Butters!” 

Butters almost jumped out of his skin, wha? Who called? Butters looked around, hopefully finding the person who called him. His eyes being met with a Clyde who was running towards him , hands stacked with paper tower upon paper tower, some managed to slip from his grip, flying all around him. He truly did look like a hurricane.

A hurricane going towards Butters' direction.

Oh hamburgers.

“Watch out!” Clyde warned, before tripping on his own legs falling face first to the floor. All the documents  falling on butters like snow, hard and hurting snow.

“Oh shit dude! Sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going and- wait are you okay man?” Clyde spoke like he was in a rap battle, letting the words out so quickly butters could hardly hear them.

“ It's okay really, you don't have to worry.” Butters waved a hand. Maybe then Clyde would calm down but then he started tearing up- well more than he already was-  God did he say something wrong?

“Thank you dude!” Clyde's eyes shined with glee , a thank you in itself really yet Clyde being the touchy guy he was, threw butters in bear hug that could have also thrown butters off of his chair. 

Butters tried to pat Clyde's back. Uh was he doing this right? Clyde had basically thrown himself at him but butters could hardly pat him without looking like a robot.

“Uh Clyde?” Butters voice was small as a mouse. gee whizz hopefully he doesn't make Clyde uncomfortable but that was really hard to do with someone like Clyde. Still doesn't make Butters' stomach feel any less lighter.

“Yeah man?” Clyde finally separated from him, sniffling just a little. Butters let out a small breath of relief, air finally entering his lungs.

“What did you call me for?” Clyde looked at him confused for a second , his brows frowned and everything before they turned back to normal and Clyde's usual happy-go-lucky attitude kicked back in making him look like a dog with two tails.

“ ohh yeah ,boss told me to give you these papers to print.” Clyde beamed as if he made a discovery,  snapping his fingers together like he was about to scream eureka.

“ well thank you for bringing them to me, It was real nice of you.” Butters looked around the small office box he was assigned,  the papers he needed to print all over the place. Well he did say he wanted to make the office a lil’ more festive , he could start with the paper as snow.

“don't sweat it dude!” Clyde waved at him rushing to get to his next unknown adventure which seemed to be stealing cartman's donuts when he wasn’t watching.

Butters rubbed his nose where the stack of papers had hit him. Oh god those didn't feel like they were stacks of paper, no, if anything they could be bricks, hard, nose-hurting, no good bricks. Butters took an encouraging breath in as he took another glance at the endless papers on the floor. Well no one else is going to do it…

He crouched down on his fours like a dog would, his hands scrambling around to grab at the papers before anyone could see him.  God this was so embarrassing , if anyone saw him…well that would absolutely ruin him. And if someone like cartman or Kenny saw him like this…god, he gets goosebumps at the thought of it.

His glasses keep sliding down and every once in a while he has to push them up, he didn't really need them, he mostly wore them because it made staring at a computer for hours less painful for his eyes plus…

“Happy birthday, uh, I know this isn't the best present but I tried and I hope you like them.”

For a second butters could swear he saw the same moonlight reflecting on a river glowing eyes and shy smile being thrown at him like a stack of never ending papers ,but that's all it was: a

moment lost in time.

He picked up the last one, his mind flying back to all those lost memories. Butters shook his head, no, this was the present not a present . 

Pushing himself up he looked both ways, not a single person on sight. Perfect , a sigh left him as his shoulders relaxed. He turned on his heel making his way to the printer…which was on the other side of the floor…where Kenny's office is. 

He really is just making a big deal out of it but they had already had a fight that morning and he wasn't ready to see that immature, fuckfac-

From the corner of his eye he could see a dash of blond hair and before he could even reach the printer he bumped on the person in front of him, ouch- who the heck-?

“Oh, it's you” Kenny says in the most dead, non impressed voice ever, immediately going back to what he was doing as If butters was just a mere fly.

Butters rolled his eyes. Pushing past Kenny so he could finally reach the printer. Kenny must've still been mad about that morning when it should be butters the one who is passive aggressive, it's not like it was Kenny who had to wake up this morning just to find piles upon piles of pans and bowls with sticky, probably unwashable food all over them.

Butters put one of the papers face down, lowering the top of the printer before pushing one of the many buttons, waiting for it to print.

“You're doing it wrong” Kenny muttered, not taking his eyes off of the computer.

“Oh yeah? Then why don't you come and do it yourself” Butters scoffed, pushing the button again before crossing his arms. Yeah right. Kenny can't even work a washing machine, and now apparently he knows how to work a printer.

“Stop jabbing that button you're making it worse” Kenny got up from his chair, his brows frowned as he grabbed Butters hand  before he could push the button again. Butters pulled his hand away. Wow what a gentleman, so now he is telling butters what to do when he barely lisens when Butters talks to him?

“No, I've done this before. This is how you do it”

“Are you fucking blind? It's obviously the color button” Kenny says more firmly trying to bat butters hand away so he could do it for him as though butters is a clueless baby in need of assistance.

“I'm not stupid, last time I checked I was the one who knew how to put the dishes in the dishwasher.” butters insistent. He will not tolerate kenny treating him like a baby, he was a grown adult darn it!

“Are you seriously still mad about that? I told you I was tired because I cooked for the both of us all day.” ‘Are you still mad about that? ’ Of course butters was mad! Might as well ask him if he was alive, if asking if he was mad wasn't obvious enough. Butters took a deep breath to calm himself but-

“Geez, and I do the cleaning, the cloth washing and the groceries. The least you can do is the cooking and dishwasher!”

“Yeah, right. Name me one time you went to the grocery store.” Kenny grinted out. Well for once butters went to buy groceries- oh, wait no that was last month. Well  he’d been very, very busy, thank you. 

“Wuh-well name me one time you actually cooked dinner that wasn't taken out.”

“You little…” Kenny's eye twitch, in the back of his dark eyes a light became stronger and stronger. He was basically a ticking time bomb at this point, waiting for another clever comment to finally explode.

“Guys! What the hell are you doing!?” a feminine voice yelled and both of them flinched, slowly turning around to face their boss…wendy testaburger

…

“This is all your fault” butters whispered-yelled as he took in the surroundings. Although there were still a few weeks until Christmas Wendy's office was filled with greens and reds. There was a small tree with globes and stars and everything you could think of on the corner of her desk. 

This must be a joke. Butters took another look, almost rubbing his eyes to make sure that he was seeing it right because next to the shining tree was an elf. Not just any elf, but the ones your parents would buy and put on top of the chimes.

Butters shivered as he looked at the lifeless blue eyes. The elf was so close to the tree, yet none of the tree’s light reflected even a bit on the elf. Butters parents used to put that exact elf on their chimes. It looked ugly and honestly creepy. When Butters would go to the kitchen in the middle of the night to drink water (which was very often), he’d always feel the elf’s eyes linger on him.

It's a shame Wendy decided to put those two next to each other.

“It wouldn't have happened if someone didn't raise their voice first,” Kenny added, his piercing eyes drilling two points on Butters. It made goosebumps show on butter's skin. Gee, kenny’s glare made him relive all of those childhood memories about the weird elf.

“Don't turn this on me! I've used that gosh darn printer all the time I worked here, I know how it works” they weren't going to get anywhere with fault throwing, so kenny should just already just say sorry. It's not like it's that hard.

“No, it wouldn't have happened if someone had accepted my help for something they were clearly , wrong about”

“Can the both of you quiet down, take this home not here.” Wendy ordered and both of them immediately took a seat. Everytime Butters got too close to Wendy, he could swear the atmosphere changed. It was as if a word from Wendy and the air and time would stop, just like that.

“Look, Christmas is approaching and everyone in the office is excited about it” Wendy took off her glasses, messaging her temples as though preparing herself for…something?  “don't mess it up”

Butters eyes widen. She was kidding right? No way would she choose Kenny and Butters to deal with the office party. Look at her office! She is practically living at the north pole, all she is missing is a red costume and she could very well pass for girl santa. Now butters was pretty sure that although he couldn't reach wendy's level of decorating he could still do something but the problem was not that rather…

“W-What? This is a bad idea, me and kenny we- we just don't work?”

“Yeah, we should leave it all to butters then we won't have any deadweight lying around his feet.” kenny added, taking the words right out of butter's mouth well-um, noo! uh not deadweight, he means…hard worker! Kenny…oh boy he is such a hard working fella.

“If it were up to me id never pick you two but somehow it was a tie between you, so i guess you'll do” she looked at them up and down. Kenny didn't seem as frightened or maybe he had a killer poker face, either way, that look wendy gave them will be one haunting him even in the after life. “you don't need to do some grand thing but you better squash any sort of your silly little cat fights before christmas comes”

“Yes ma’m” kenny perked up, finally showing any indication that he was actually listening to what they were talking. When does he ever listen? he never has to butters..

“Wait a second, what about-” but before butters could finish Kenny squeezed his shoulder, giving him a what must be painfully tight smile. Before butters could shake him off and continue his eyes fell on the dark circles under Kenny's eyes.

“Yes ma’m” butters mumbled, his eyes facing the ground as he nodded his head before getting up to leave. He was right behind Kenny, who immediately had gotten up with nothing so much as a ‘goodbye’.

“geez, imagine giving free couple therapy and still getting shitted on” Wendy whispered to herself but in the dead quiet of the office even a strand of hair would echo.

“Not a couple!” they say before slamming the door behind themselves. It was nerve racking how many times they had been compared to a couple, at this point it might as well be a joke from god.

“What the heck was that…” butters let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. Was the ground moving or is he hallucinating now?

“If only I knew..” Kenny spoke lowly, playing around with one of his many silver rings. He doesn't really wear them at work, only one chunky one and butters could see why Kenny decides on wearing that exact same ring every day. Not only was it gorgeous but engraved on it was the name of his sister; karen.

Butters had met karen a few times, back when kenny and butters weren’t fighting everyday but now, he could hardly paint karen's face in his head.

“um- leo, about the printer-” leo? Was Kenny McCormick actually calling him in something short of his name? Well, as weird as that is, butters could pass for a 40 year old workaholic right now and starting another fight with Kenny about the printer was the last of his worries. 

“Please ken, i don't have enough energy for this-”

“No, no i-uh i could do the papers for you?” Kenny didn't meet his eyes as he tugged the ring harshly. What in the ever loving Jesus is going on today? Was Kenny really extending an olive branch at him or was it another of those weird dreams? Oh shoot he knew he shouldn't have eaten the grapes from last week…

“What? Why?”

“Shit, do you want the help or not?” Kenny finally let go of the ring, rolling his eyes as he pushed his hands forward waiting for him to drop the papers there.

“i-um, thank you?”

“No probs”

A long quiet pause fell over them like a silk blanket except while the thought of silk brought thoughts of comfort to others, butter's skin inched the more he stood under the feeling of the now; awkward silence. Was he supposed to say something else or would that make it more awkward?

“...so I'll go do that,” Kenny said, nodding his head towards his office.

“Oh, okay. You do what you gotta do, I'll just-Catch you later” Butters stumbled around his words, taking a few steps back to create some distance between them before finally waving his hand and turning back to what he was originally doing.

So they could have a regular conversation, huh.

Kenny…he isn't that bad,sure he had his off moments (which is more often than not) but he should cut Kenny some slack. Earlier, at the office when butters looked at Kenny, actually looked, the deep eye bags that could have carried all of Wendy's decorations and still have room for more was when clarity hit butters.

 He should be better with kenny, it's just- kenny he is so , so ugh. There was just something about that man that hit butters buttons well enough that the usual meek butters made way for the burning flames.

Something in his left pocket vibrated, butters hand working fast to take out the phone. He had texted Henry that morning but  Henry hadn't texted back all day, usually it took him less than an hour to answer butters if he was really busy and not even a second if he wasn't busy. What if he had gotten hurt? Maybe he shouldn't overthink it but gosh, this just isn't like him.

Butters tapped the whatsapp notification, took him right on the app but…

 -hey hon, do you like these glasses?

❤️-yeah😍, where did you buy them?

-my roommate gave them to me way back lol

After all those hours of waiting for a response, his knee bumping up and down like an over energetic child on a trampoline as he rubbed his knuckles raw; Henry replied.

-👍

Was-was he mad? Did Butters accidentally piss him off? Henry had been very busy, who's to say butters isn't pestering him even more? He can be a little needy at times, slowing down a bit until Henry is better won't kill him.

Butters pulled his eyes off of his phone before anyone could accuse him of not working, what a day..

__________________________

The door slammed shut, his face undoubtedly red as the hand who still held on the door knob for any kind of stability shook. There was something wet and hot that escaped his eyes. He sealed his eyes shut as hard as he could but it only made the hot droplets of water fall faster. He wasn't going to cry, he wasn't going to cry, he wasn't going to cry. He wasn't going to cry.

He tugged up the sleeve of his sweater, wiping away the sneaky bastards that had already escaped the clutches of his lashes. God, what is wrong with him? Why can't he ever keep his tears to himself? His stupid idiotic words to himself?

He should've just listened to Henry, he is right. Butters is not that special, he doesn't need to shove every. Single. Gosh darn Detail of what he does. He should have stayed silent and now he hurt Henry.

Butters grabbed his phone, refreshing his messages again. Maybe-maybe he had texted back, it wasn't that big of a fight, it was barely a fight, right? it's not like Henry put hands on him or anythin’ butters is just being a baby that's all.

No new mess ages

Rain droplets fell on his phone, and just like any storm; it starts out small before the sky is Grey and soaked kids and adults make their way to the nearest shelter. He wiped them as quick as they came, he will probably end up with puffy red eyes if he kept rubbing his eyes but geez if only butters cared. his back shook with force as he cried into his hands, his chest felt as if an elephant was pressing down on it. His whimpers were heard through the entire house, for christsake could he sound more pathetic?

‘You’re fucking pathetic, ive done twice as much yet you think that getting a little promotion is worth celebrating? What about me? We never have had a celebration for my achievements because you only want to hang out with your friends’

He was right, so right and butters still choose to open his silly mouth. He is paying so much less attention to Henry, texting him less, going less on dates; being around less. The idea of letting Henry have more space had been such a good idea in the beginning but now- it might have been the worst idea butters has ever had. Henry was such a sensitive soul, he was so careful and detailed with everything he did that he’d notice even the smallest of changes.

He barely made his way to the couch before breaking down again. He still had his work clothes on, that stinks so badly you'd think it was a pigs stall and his throat was dryer than his notifications from Henry but he could bet that if he tries to walk right now even an infant could surpass him.

‘Youre pathetic’

PATHETIC.

His tears must be fading his vision, he needs to stay awake- has to . What if Henry textes? He can't make the same mistakes and piss him more than he already has….

His eyes blinked open. Why is it so dark? Butters looked around the small room, rubbing his sticky eyes. Gross.  

Butters pushed himself up, his fluffy blanket falling onto his lap. Weird he was sure he had left it on the top drawer of his room. Pulling it completely off of him, butters stretched a little before making his way into the kitchen. His throat still felt dry but after sleeping until the sun kissed the land there was an added stickiness that made his skin have goosebumps. 

As he was about to reach into the cabinet for a glass, his eyes caught a flash of red and green. Kenny that son of a biscuit! He had told him multiple times that that mug was off limits.

Wait a second… Was there a sticky note attached to the mug? Butters grabbed the note, smiling at the glittery ink Kenny had used.

‘Hey butts, I'm out but I made u some tea, I also took some sips (pls don't kill me for using ur mug) 

-Kenny;)’

Buttes huffed at the nickname but the smile on his face gave him away. The first time Kenny had used it, he had doubled over  in laughter, his hands holding the counter as his knees shook- and to be honest, he still chuckles to himself when Kenny says it even if they are in the middle of a disagreement.

Butters folded the paper, hiding it in his left pocket as he brought the porcelan to his lips. It must've been some time since Kenny left, it's either that or Kenny is terrible at making tea.

Butters smiled into the mug as the bitterness of black tea enveloped all his senses. So he noticed even that huh? It shouldn't be a surprise but butters rearly- if ever talked about how sweets made him gag more than enjoy. The sensation of sticky melted chocolate made it hard for him to swallow, he'd rather eat a citrus peel or sink his teeth on the rich flavor of kale.

When he was younger he'd enjoy veggies more than candy. Which to other kids that was already weird but paired up with butters case of bunny teeth there was no escaping all the teasing. Even to this day Butters gets the occasional side eye from Tweek when he offers him a bit of his lunch.

Butters looked down at the mug, his reflection stared back at him, smiling ear to ear. It's weird, but for the first time in a while he felt…cared for? It sounds silly but…

Gosh ken.

They have been more friendly with each other- yesterday they watched a full movie together and didn't fight once, granted they did both fell asleep sometime after another crucial character died for the fourth time but that was a great feat from what usually happens.

In the distance butters could hear faint buzzing, some bug must've entered. Oh boy did he forget to do something? He swears that there was something super important he had to do before falling asleep.

_______________________________________________________________________

This has to be the first time he and Kenny hang out as friends.

“Yeah, I got this for only six thousand dollars ” and Henry was absolutely ruining it.

Kenny gave Henry a tight smile while Stan and Kyle gawked at the watch. It was supposed to be only the four of them (not counting Cartman who claimed to have much more important stuff to do) yet somehow- someway, Henry had found where he was at and immediately ran at the opportunity to torture butters more.

With one arm around butters, Henry talked with his head high up about how amazing he was that he didn't even have to try to pull the son of Stephen stotch. It was almost as if butters were one of the many shiny pieces Henry wore. 

“Babe, smile a bit more. You look as though im keeping you prisoner "Henry laughed but the glare made it easy to understand what he ment; you're making me look bad.

“Haha.. even though I'm just two years older, sometimes it feels like I'm babysitting a five year old.” Henry jokes, his light Italian accent becoming stronger as he grinded out the last words.

Kyle opens his mouth but before he could get his words out-

“Welcome to grandma's kitchen. Today's special is the grand nacho vulcano. What would you like to order” a lady in her early thirties said as she put two menus down, her voice monotone from how many times she had to say the exact same line over and over again. Butters had to work only three months as a waiter when he was 16 but he'd rather walk on hot coal than ever consider redoing those horror filled months.

Kenny looked at Stan with a mischievous smile and as though they had telekinetic communication, Stan immediately ordered the special. Kyle just sighed, rolling his eyes. He had expressed many times before that Stan's food diet, which consisted mostly of chicken nuggets ,didn't sit right with him. Geez , the first of many times Kyle tried to push onto stan one of his diets, Stan looked like a dead zombie for a week straight.

Kyle didn't order anything, unlike the rest of them Kyle actually was good enough at cooking to do something other than a soggy toast. Butters stomach rumbled. The other day Kyle had gotten pancakes, fluffy, syrupy cakes.

“I'll have a-”

“Nothing,” Henry smiled as he gave the menu to the waitress. Butters turned his head slowly towards henry. What in the good havens ? “We'll be having nothing”

“The waitress nodded, leaving them in complete silence as butters became a ticking time bomb. Butters never really minded when Henry told him how to dress, look, act but one plus the other plus now telling him not to eat? he might as well be a puppet, say “yes, sir” at his every order.

“I am hungry”

“I know” Henry shrugged with the most utmost difference in the world.

“Then why did you tell her I didn't want anything!” he whisper-yelled. Hopefully the other guys don't pay too much attention to him but gosh what was happening with Henry today?

“Butters, sweetheart. Look at this place, I don't even know why we are in here. I told you, if you want to eat something out get it at the new restaurant I showed you last night” Henry whispered, grimacing at the stained, colorful walls. He looked up and down at the other guys, a mask of arrogance taking over his face.

Henry didn't really like butters friends, or any other person that butters interacted with that wasn't him. He says that they're not ‘up to their class’ and ‘ why would you even hang out with someone that isn't me?’.  

Henry took his arms off of Butters shoulder, his face scrunching up, wrinkles coming to view as clear as day making him look years older as though staying near Butters aged him.

“It's okay, I'll go order for you” Kenny pushed himself out of the chair, his body stiff. Oh no, this is why Henry shouldn't even be here. These past few days he and Henry…they haven't been on the best terms, so of course when Henry walked in on butters and the other chatting peacefully as they waited to order , butters felt the ground shake. They were bound to fight on something and making the other guys uncomfortable was the last thing on butters list.

Henry clenched his fist before letting go again. Oh dear Jesus please don't make him say something stupid that will suck the other guys into their little ‘fight’. Kenny was the one that got most on Henry's nerves out of all of Butters' friends. He was everything Henry hated; he wasn't impressed by Henry's walth, his achievements, he simply didn't care for Henry. 

And maybe the worst thing ever was the fact that Kenny was Butters' roommate; at first Henry hadn't cared, since Kenny and Butters hardly tolerated each other but ever since they have gotten closer it was like hell broke loose on earth for henry. Suddenly it was all like ‘move in with me’ and ‘find a new apartment’ any excuse just to get him away from Kenny.

“Why? Do you think he can't do it for himself?” Henry murmured, his eyes like daggers as he looked at Kenny. He should probably tell Henry to quit it but everytime he even tries to get Henry to be decent in public it's like he just woke up a beast rather than telling his boyfriend to calm down.

“What are you talking about- butters is my friend ” He could have sworn he felt his heart skip a beat as kenny said ‘friend’. Finally, after all these years Kenny saw butters as something more than a pain in the ass but apparently Henry was set out to destroy even the small crumbs of their friendship.

“so? Now you have to show off? ‘Oh butters! let me help you with that’ ‘ don't worry I got you!’” Henry said in a high voice flapping around his hands imitating kenny. Kenny pushed his hair back from his face, a vein that ran down his jawline popping up as though the vein itself was ready to jump Henry.

It was unuseful to prey by now that Kenny won't say something that will piss the shit off of Henry and gosh darn it this was the first time butters didn't mind Kenny saying anythin’ stupid cuse’ if he wasn't going to, butters certainly will. 

“You know what dude? Fuck you, no one even wants you here, not even your fucking boyfriend” Kenny spat out venom, his eyes sparkled with a fire too big for Henry to deal alone with.

“What the hell? What is wrong with you? I told you butters, you shouldn't hang around these people” Henry looked at Kenny as though he was staring at gum stuck to his shoe.

What the heck.

“What do you mean by ‘ these’ people?” Butters turned around, looking at Henry straight in his eyes. ‘these people’ this is how Henry viewed his friends? Because if Kyle who has always been the best at everything, Stan who was bound to take over the music world and Kenny who is the lead researcher of their team were part of ‘these’ people, then What does that make them?

“are you- are you seriously taking their side? Shit, I already knew hanging around these people fucked you up in the head but now you are acting just like them, you sound fucking pethetic” Butters felt his heart ache at henry's words but tried to stay strong even as the harsh insults kept bringing the tears in light. This wasn't like Henry, it was like someone had replaced his lovely boyfriend with a narcissistic psychopath. In the beginning of their relationship Henry had been so loving but now it seems the more the days pass, the more Henry resents him. 

“you motherfucker- you're the pathetic one! Look around for a second, you're the only loser in here who needs to show his wealth to not feel worthless” Kenny's eyes were as red as a bulls as he said that, after that a thick blanket of silence fell over them and it was starting to feel suffocating but he was paralyzed, looking at Henry. Please god, he doesn't ask for much, so just this one time don't let Henry flip off.

“fuckin’ Bitch” Henry murmured, turning to butters and reaching his head to whisper in butters ear. Even if the proximity was barely anything close to what he was used to with Henry, it was like his throat burned just breathing the same air Henry exhaled . “don't call me when your little bitchass fan club can't even wash the dishes” he gave Kenny one last dirty look before snatching his bag and leaving.

A loud crashing noise came from behind but butters didn't raise his head to look at what happened or rather who. Henry always gets like this after a fight, it's better to just let him be until he comes down on his own.

“I-um, sorry” his voice sounded like a mouse as he said that. “you sound fucking pethetic”. Something hot wetted his lower lashes, blurring his vision. 

Butters nodded at the guys before making his merry way out like he should have done even before Henry had come. H-he just- hamburgers, was It that bad to hope that for once he didn't have to fight tooth and nail to feel happy? It doesn't even matter as this point; he made a complete fool of himself in front of the guys and-

“Wait! Butters!”

A voice called out for him but it was too late now. Gee why won't his tears stop? Hopefully the other guys didn't notice him tearing up. gosh darn it, why was He such a p-pussy.

Butters turns around the nearest alley, his hands shaky as he takes out a cigarette. It was a nasty habit but when his shoulders relaxed and the nicotine filled his lungs it was almost like he was floating, too far up for his parents' expectations to latch onto him and drag him down, too high for anyone’s  expectations.

inhaling a few more times from the ‘Cancer stick’ as Kyle calls it butters was ready to put it out when a tall running figure entered the alleyway. Oh hamburgers! It's a mugger! Oh fuc-Fiddlesticks! Could his day get any worse?

In a matter of fact- it could get worse because the person who was panting in front of him wasn't a muggler rather it was-

“ Shit , I didn't know you could run that fast” Kenny tried to smile through his panting but it came awfully forced. Taking one last deep breath before making his way next to butters.

“Hey, um I am sorry? Look dude, I really didn't meant to-”

“wuh-huh?”

“About earlier I'm sorry” Butters frowned his brows, his head instinctively turning to the side. What was Kenny sorry about?

“You're going to Make me say it whole aren't you? Dear prince Leopold, I am sooo sorry about insulting your asswipe of a boyfriend and causing a scene . There, happy?”

“ken…”is he understanding this right? “ I'm not mad at you”

“what? Then why are you smoking?”

“what does smoking have to do with me being mad?”

“you always do it after we fight”

“Yeah well…” He hadn't really thought of it that way. The first time he even tried a cigarette was because of how freeing it felt; being rebellious for once. But now in adulthood when his parents aren't there to constantly monitor every single movement he made the freeing feeling had turned into another restricting addiction.

“Just- I'm not mad at you Kenny, I'm mad at myself”

“Yourself?” Butters didn't answer. Usually he isn't this shut off if ever, even when with Kenny after a fight ,he never once doubted that talking about it would make him feel better,but it seems every time he and Henry fight it was hard to open his mouth let alone form actual sentences.

“Okay then…so what about at night?”

Butters looked at him confused. What about at night?

“Smoking. You smoke at night”

“That's!...that's…none for your business”

Silence enveloped them like an old friend coming to visit after years. Weirdly enough, even after living together for years there was never any silence between them, whether it was fighting or laughing; the sound of silence was never apparent in their house.

“Thank you by the way” Butters finally speaks up. He should have said that way before, but better late than never, right?

“Hm?” Kenny takes his eyes off of the rock suddenly the presence of the rock that was oh so interesting before might as well be just a piece of dog poop. 

“That day, thank you for the tea. It was real nice.” Butters rubbed his knuckles together, flinching a bit at the bloody scars that met the rough surface of the other. Oh boy, another cigarette wouldn't be that bad. Butters reached for his pocket, letting the slim figure of the cigarette glide between his fingers.

“oh, well stan gave it to me-” Kenny played with his bangs, hyperfocused on a golden strand. Tugging and curling it like only a professional would.

“haha, I'm not talking about tea. I'm saying that what you did was nice. It made me happy.” Butters smiled into the cigarette, trying to light it with his hundred year old lighter but all it did was spark little disappering stars.

“Wait minute- I got you” Kenny grabbed his own lighter, embroidered in different stickers, one of them specifically catching his eye. It was small and faded-but still there, taking up all the space it needed. While the other stickers hid each other in an attempt to show off.

“I'll always make you tea if it means you’re happy.” Kenny smiled warmly, looking butters in his eyes… differently.

“Well mister, if you keep going at it, I might think you are genuinely being nice to me.”  a cloud of smoke left his mouth, his lips stretched out into, is it really possible? Gasp ! A smile.

“Oh God no, I could never. You're too annoying. I just don't want our house to smell like smoke” Kenny murmured, pulling butters’ cheeks like it was a cheese pull rather than flesh. Ow ow that hurt so much, weren't those supposed to hurt only a little?

Our house. That sounds right. Our house, our house. Our.

“Can we go home?... Please?” he didn't have the energy to stay here any longer, it feels like the air is choking him by the minute and just looking at Kenny who kept coughing as if he was allergic to the air maybe it wasn't as bad of an idea.

“I-” Kenny started, his brows frowned as he searched Butters face, conflicted. 

“I'll call stan and Kyle and tell them we left. When Kyle scolds us I'll tell him it was all my fault but can we please just go?”  he was past begging at this point, the more he spent here the more his mind sank into a thick cloud. Home wasn't that far away and his bed was practically yelling for him to come back. The safety of his room will protect him from his confusion, right? God he should probably call Henry- close up the  wound before it becomes infected.

“fine” Kenny sighed, taking all of butters big ball of messy thoughts and throwing it out of the dirty alleyway “but take that expression off of your face, you look cuter when you're smiling” Kenny messes up butters’ hair, laughing to himself at his ‘funny’ joke. The least he could do was not mess up butter's hair- Great , now he probably looks like he never brushed his hair in the past three months.

___________________

There was something Weighing on Kenny's shoulder, it made soft snores and from time to time he could feel it go up closer to his neck, golden strands ticking his neck taking a few giggles from him. Oh shit butters is moving! Keep the giggles in!

Pew. Luckily it was just him moving closer, yet now… god fucking damn it . Hot air kissed his neck, the lips not so far away and why the hell did Kenny actually want butters to kiss his neck?

No, no it's probably just his crazy limbo who didn't know when or who is out of limits-

BOOM!

What the hell!? Oh it's just the TV. Kenny took a deep breath in. he didn't really enjoy mindless action movies and with how many times butters has changed the movie ideas for movie night, every time they end up deciding on an action movie, butters probably doesn't like them that much either.

Turning the TV off Kenny was stuck there, quiet with his own thoughts and butters hot breath that felt more like pecs than anything. Yup, this wasn't going to end well for him.

Their couch isn't the best, it was made from rough material and wasn't that comfortable sleeping there. It's amazing how butters eyelids even shut In this type of material let alone enjoy it so much he would snore.

To sleep in his work clothes with dried tears? Now that's a new level of comfortness, one that hopefully never happens again. He still cringes at how he found butters that day, curled up onto himself trying to create the warmth his box-like clothes couldn't provide. He still hasn't found what happened that day but fuck, when he does..

His eyes fell Instinctively on his roommate. After what happened that day, having Butters sleep on his shoulder like this seemed so far-fetched as getting Cartman to stop eating KFC but now that doesn't seem as out of reach.

They should probably head to bed, it was already dark as heck outside and the only reason he is even awake at this time is because the movie kept putting unnecessary explosions that sounded way too real. 

But Butters is sleeping so soundly, it’s like the saying “sleeping like a baby” came to life and Butters wasn't exactly the friendliest person when woken up, they had just started getting along and couldn't mess this up.

He could pick him up, both him and Butters are pretty skinny but Butters was quite a bit shorter so maybe…

Sneaking his arms around Butters neck and legs, he slowly picked him up. Thank whoever is up there that butters didn't wake up cause he was about to get in a world of trouble if he had. 

Huh, he isn't that heavy but then again butters might as well be a pillow with how soft and light he was, he swore that butters skin wasn't flesh, couldn't be with the way it seemed to sink-almost melt into his arms.

Luckily or unluckily- really depends on the day- they didn't have that big of an apartment so Butters room wasn't even ten steps away. Dropping butters into his bed, Kenny yawned his arms slightly straining from having to carry Butters. God he really had out done himself this time, staying up past midnight? He hadn't done That since college.

Just as he was turning around to go to his own room something tugged him back-what the-?

“Ken?” His body warmed up. Jesus christ, he could melt right now just from that nickname. It had been such a long time since it came out of butter's mouth let alone with the way he was staring at him, he was probably never going away from this room.

“Wer’ ya goin’?” Butters rubbed His eyes, the delicate blue light of the moon hitting Butters face. Why the hell did butters look so beautiful? Wait- when did he start thinking Butters is beautiful?

“To regenerate the mammoth population.” Cartman had done that once but Kenny didn't stay alive long enough to figure out how he did it and to be honest, he doesn't want to.

“Now why would you do that?” Butters looked at him with half lidded eyes and a confused look on his face, he looked like a bunny more than anything.

Kenny just laughed…God, it was like butters obliviousness intensified by 100% almost as if kenny gave him one of those physics Formulas butters used to hate so much.

“stay…It's warmer here…” butters mumbled, pulling Kenny closer, while he buried half of his face on the marshmallow-like pillow. God, how could butters make even cheap material look like the commies thing on the planet?

“Oh really? I don't know man, sleeping on ice cubes is the dream” Kenny bit his tounge to keep himself from laughing, well that was until Butters pulled him with the gravitational force of Jupiter.

“Whoa-” he was met with something soft-like jello, bouncing on top of it before sinking into the hot, squishy fabric. Could cheap material really be this comfortable, maybe he judged too fast-

“Off-!” Butters exclaimed. Apparently no- it was just falling on top of butters that gave him the sensation of pure comfort.

“Ya ain't sleeping on no ice cube mister!” he scolded, still a bit winded from kenny falling on top of him, his voice still wore a note of sleepiness as he tucked kenny in with him, using kenny as a fifth pillow to his collection.

“Oh-uhm thanks” was he blushing? Oh fuck him with a chainsaw. Well. He is here, might as well just sleep here it's not like butters will give him shit the next day if kenny sleeps in the same bed as him- plus! It was Butters who told Kenny to sleep with him!- wait, no that came wrong-

why Is he over-thinking this? He should just sleep…

….

..

.

Tap-tap-tap

The sound of the pitter patter of steps came from their kitchen-infused-living room. The warmth that was once near Kenny had left a path of smoke trailing to the door. 

Kenny let his legs dangle out of the bed, his head dropping to his hands as he took a deep breath in just to cough it out as the overwhelming sweet smoke entered his lungs. Seriously, how did butters enjoy this air? 

Butters

Looking around the room, bookshelves upon bookshelves filled with romance books Kenny never understood the appeal of. Butters used to be shy of them ,hiding them behind his back as he sneaked them into his room too scared Kenny would see them and make fun of him. Yup, he is in Butters room alright.

Pushing himself off of the bed, he followed the white trail of smoke until he found Butters, arms crossed on top of the railing enjoying the view in front of him.

“butts?”

Butters looked back at him, eyes wide as if Kenny caught him doing something he wasn't supposed to.

“o-oh ken, you're awake?” Butters chuckled to himself, squashing the lit up cigarette against the railing as Kenny made his way next to him. The gentle breeze made goosebumps show on his skin. It was already freezing-balls cold but as the golden sky made way for the glimmer stars it was as if Kenny froze more than an icicle in a gay bar.

“ah-sorry about smoking inside, I wasn't really thinking” Butters skimmed his thumb against his knuckles, his eyes focused on playing with the dead skin hanging by a thread against the skin.

“Meh, I don't really care.” Kenny shrugged. his parents used to smoke inside all the time, it was only Kevin who had the decency to smoke outside, but that was probably from the shame of a habit, too scared he'd seem like his parents in front of who he treasured most.

“Why are you up?” Butters asked, waving the strong curves of the smoke away. It was true that Kenny slept like he was a bear during winter but it's not like he is that heavy of a sleeper.

“Shouldn't I be asking you that?” Kenny raised an eyebrow, a smile coming to his face like it always does when he teases butters. He doesnt mean for it to happen but butters would always get embarrassed, avoiding his gaze and becoming so red he could go head to head with a tomato, it was ador- funny.

“I got cold” Kenny broke the silence, looking at butters. Waiting for his answer.

“sorry-”

“I told you before, I don't care. It's fine dude”

“still…”

Kenny opened his mouth but- “ That's!...that's…none for your business” . 

Butters looked down at the bright Christmas lights that decorated everyone's balconies, the long trees who held up snow instead of leaves. Letting a breath that turned white as it met the icy air. His lips furrowed as light reflected in his eyes making them look glossy. 

Kenny quickly turned his head, feeling his cheeks burn . He dragged the stalactites of his fingers along his cheeks but they still kept burning as if he had stayed in front of a fireplace for a bit too long. It helped with the cold, sure, but why did he feel so…so embarrassed? 

“Do you think he's still mad at me?” Butters murmured, playing with the bit of snow that had gotten caught in their railing. He seemed so sad, it was just like that time except instead of hiding his tears or anger, butters exploded right in his face and honestly? He deserved it.

“Henry? What does that douchebag have to be mad for?” he was served what he asked for, some fucking humbleness. That rich grade A ass muncher could hardly create a sentence without mentioning how rich he was, if Kenny's pockets rang while he walked, he'd be living the life.

“He's not a d-douchebag! He's just overworked, that's why he might say some harsh things- but he doesn't actually mean any of them! Swear!” Butters exclaimed, rubbing his knuckles. He was so blinded by Henry, it was almost like he had brain washed butters into being his little doll.

“whatever he doesnt deserve you anyways” no one does.

“Gosh ken if he doesn't then Who the heck would?”

“...someone…less of a douche” it's not like he had much right to talk but hey, it's not like he is excluding himself from the ‘douche’ part “someone who doesn't make you mad or-or makes you feel left alone” I shouldn't have left you alone .

“but I never really felt alone” Butters eyes shone but fuck he'd rather see butters about to strangle him than understand that maybe, just ma ybe Kenny wasnt talking all that much about Henry.

“It doesn't matter  he was the shitty asshole who never knew how to control his weird emotions and pushed them onto you…and you…” teary eyes look up at him, his face red with anger of a thousand bees, ready to sting him but it's not their fault. Kenny is old enough, breaking a bees hive leads to that its basic knowledge “you deserve better than that major ass wipe”

Kenny shook his head the image of a younger heart broken butters haunting his mind with vengeance but the butters in front of him wore a bittersweet smile if anything, it was similar yet so different .

“Now come on you're shivering worse than a hairless baby penguin, I think we still have some black tea left” Kenny gripped the railing, Just like back then having to hold himself from jumping to hug butters and just like then not being able too.

Except this time as his arms surrounded Butters pulling him closer to Kenny to the point that his head was squeezed between his neck and shoulder, Butters didn't push him. He brought his hands up hesitating for a minute before finally touching Kenny so lightly, he might as well be snow.

“it's okay ken, I ain't feelin’ alone, you're here”

_________________________

A strong cough shook him worse than an earthquake could ever do, leaving him with a sore throat and teary eyes. Reaching for another tissue, he vibrated as he filled the poor paper tower with snot. He had to get better soon, Henry said that they should meet about half an hour from now and butters still hadn't even gotten himself off of bed.

He missed Henry so much yet his legs couldn't keep him up for more than a minute to get him from his bed to his closet. God, what was he going to do?

His door busted open, making him jump five feet in the air like he was a cartoon character. Who-? Oh, it's just ken.

Kenny ran around his room like a headless chicken, still in his work clothes and with bags upon bags of food. He finally sat himself down in front of butters, talking to himself as he frantically searched through the heavy bags.

“Kenny? What cha’ doing here?” work ended at 4 and it took at least 15 minutes to get from work to home, now it's 3:30. Wait- its 3:30, gosh time moves pretty fast.

“oh, I just got off a bit early. Do you have a favorite soup? No, first try this” Kenny shoved a glass of water in his face. Oh that's real nice of kenn- okay, no that's salt water.

Butters coughed all the water out, Kenny immediately brought a napkin to his lips,  tapping all the water off of him. 

“Geez, was that salt!? ” He tried screaming but his throat hurt to much, even as he whisper-yelled his words out, they still came out faded like burned paper.

“Trust me dude, my brother used to make this for me when I had a sore throat and it always worked”  Kenny pushed the glass of water again, speaking frantically and filled with admiration for the magic potion as though he was a salesman than his friend trying to get him to try some disgusting substance.

“Your brother scares me” he is pretty sure he once saw kevin break an egg with his bare hand like it was nothing, no one  should be able to do that.

“nah, kevin just looks like that, he's just a big ol’ softie” yeah, but could a ‘big ol softie’ break an egg just like that? He once saw Stan try to do that and to no avail.

“Just try it...please?” Kenny looked at him with those big blue eyes, the light of the room hitting those sapphires as though to show off their glow. God, can a man really look like that? Like an orange cat begging to be pet?  All he is missing is a cat tail, his messy hair already a substitute for cat ears.

“I …fine ” Butters erupted into coughs as the words left his mouth. At this point he is willing to drink Kenny's weird medicine as long as this stupid, stupid cold will cease to exist. His coughs sounded like a demon's cry and if he still lived with his parents, they'd probably call a priest.

Kenny shook the bottle again before bringing it to Butters lips, his other hand sliding underneath Butters chin, pushing it up. He closed his eyes tightly, the taste was disgusting, it ran down his throat and burned like lava.

A few drops had escaped from butter's mouth but Kenny's hand had caught them; aside from that, nothing was left inside the glass. This is an experience butters will never participate again. He already hated the bitter taste of normal medicine but as his mom called it ‘grandma’ medicine was probably the worst thing he ever tried.

“It wasn't so hard now was it?” Kenny smiled, a single eyebrow raised and his signature mocking smile took the place of the very concentrated face from not even two minutes ago. Was he mocking him right now? 

“I wasn't mocking you…you're actually being good for once” Kenny ran a finger to the corner of his lips, drying the wet part. His throat clicked as he hesitantly took his hand off of Butters, like two opposite sides of a magnet pulling each other. He had this look on his face- different from all the others but geez, butters could hardly put up a finger let alone try to figure out what was going on in Kenny's head.

He has always been mysterious like that, never bothering to speak too much and when he did, it was never about himself. When he was smaller and more naive, he used to try understanding him from his actions- which although proved to be successful, it was like Kenny was the one who found out more about him, not the other way around.

“So…favorite soup?” Kenny broke the silence, his hand scratching the back of his neck where the hairs had grown too long not to be uncomfortable. Kenny says he doesn't mind it that much but butters has a razor and enough experience with cutting hair to make Kenny not feel any discomfort with his new hair.

“Have you ever thought about cutting your hair?” Butters said out loud. Gosh darn it! Why can't he keep his thoughts to himself? 

“what?” Kenny titled his head like a confused cat, looking at butters like he had finally got so drunk off of sickness that he is seeing stuff and honestly? He is pretty sure he saw a unicorn riding a bunny just a few minutes before.

“ya have real long hair ken! I'm sure even Rapunzel would be jealous” pretty healthy too, you'd think that after all the inconsistent washing, his hair would look as oily as those kfc chickens Eric likes so much but, they are actually pretty shiney and so, so soft.

“What does that have to do with the soup?” Kenny giggled, flipping his bangs back. His tone was as soft as a mother's touch. Was Butters' eyes deceiving him or was Kenny McCormick giving him a soft smile? not even a smug one? While butters said something stupid? What has happened to this world?

“I'm just worried, you don't seem real comfy buddy” Butters pressed his lips together. 

“Well you shouldn't be the one worrying buttercup” Kenny brought his large hand to butter's forehead. Gee Kenny had real cold hands, they almost felt like ice cubes gliding against his skin. “Jesus Christ, you're burning” Kenny murmured to himself, but butters ain't that hot, sure his clothes are stained with sweat but Kenny is making it seem like he is out of control.

“spit it out. What do you want?”

Butters opened his mouth, he is fine he can take care of himself-! Ow ow okay, except his sore throat he is-

“...tomato soup” Butters whispered, he could feel his face burning more but this time it wasn't from the sickness. Hopefully ken doesn't get too sore at him, they ran out of tomatoes just last week and winter isn't the best season to find fit tomatoes.

“Well, isn't that the perfect fit?” Kenny pulled a bag of tomatoes up. The familiar proud grin took its place on Kenny's face and weirdly it looked like how butters pictured a fairytale prince. Tall and proud, handsome as ever- wait handsome?

Blinking back to reality, Kenny didn't stand in front of him anymore rather from the kitchen a whistle danced to their infused living room. Kenny had always been a fast fella but whenever he moved like that it was like a long-faced hero he used to know.

His phone lit up, buzzing a few times before going silent again. What was-ohhh sweet baby Jesus, Henry!

Jumping from the couch he almost fell. Why is the ground moving? Whatever, he is so late Henry might actually murder him or worse never ever talk to him again. Oh god how could he be so lost he forgot the one thing he has been looking forward to? gee whizz…

“Leo? Butters?” a voice called out for him from the kitchen, all the whistling and music from before falling dead quiet. Kenny, right.

“Leo, what are you doing?” a tall figure blocked the doorway, an apron wrapped around his waist and the words ‘kiss the chef’ embroidered on it. that was a sight butters didn't expect to see and one he wouldn't be forgetting soon either. He still gotta keep in his laugh though, what if Ken feels embarrassed? Oh he could never do that to a friend.

“Ah, I'm so sorry ken but i-i have to go, I'll make it up to ya. Dinner on me?” Butters wore his jacket in a hustle. God where is the hole of the other arm- oh wait, here it is. 

“Where are you going?” Kenny looked utterly confused, with every clothing article butters wore his brows only furrowed deeper.

“Well mister if ya really gotta know. I'm going to my boyfriend”  Butters sneezed as he wrapped a thick scarf his mother had knitted around his neck making half of his face be covered by it.

“Boyfriend? Henry?” Kenny looked at Butters as if he was crazy. To say the least Kenny isn't fond of Henry, after what happened last time they were out it seemed like Kenny’s distaste for henry only amplified and butters doesn't blame Kenny for it, Henry was bein’ a real jerk but henry called and apologized, he promised to not do it ever again.

“Yeah, Who else?” Butters laughed but it turned into a life sucking cough. This darn cold will be the end of him, that's for sure.

“Butters you're sick”

“I know”

“It's snowing outside”

“I know” 

“Butters…” Kenny warned, fully ready to tackle butters and baby wrap him so he won't move. It was almost funny, he looked so cute pouting it made butter's heart swell. 

“I know Kenny, but I really do miss him. Plus I told you once he isn't as bad as he seems”

Butters smiled as he wrapped his arms around Kenny, letting Kenny drop his head to his shoulder like a kitten hiding from the storm. Kenny was probably the best hugger ever, he is gentle with his touches, almost scared of hurting but gosh kenny was everything and anything except dangerous.

“call me if he does something fucked up” he murmured. He has always been like this; protective, worried, even before butters knew Kenny. Karen, Kenny's little sister would tell him these superhero stories about a masked man scaring off the other children who tried to hurt her.Truly ,her very own guardian angel.

“That won't be a need” Butters ran his fingers through Kenny's silky hair. He must've showered today, usually the blond strands had a layer of grease. His friend claimed that the water bill would be crazy if kenny showered as much as butters did, no matter how much butters promised to pay the entire extra cost, Kenny just won't accept for the life of him.

“You trust him so much,” Kenny spat, his arms pulling butters closer until they were flush together. 

“I trust you more” and it was true. Kenny was his numero uno, the first person he would call in a life or death situation, the first person he would tell about his wins and his loses. His one and only.

And if butter's heart was beating a little faster and his head was dizzier from something other than sickness, something so fond and delicate then butters was none the wiser.

___________________________

The bright lights and the mocking smiles followed Kenny everywhere. To everyone else the feast of beautifully decorated food made even their mouth tear up but Kenny's stomach twisted and turned like fidget, one that Henry was having a great time playing with if the smile on his face was anything to go by.

“Psst Kenny, calm down man.” Stan slightly elbowed him, he didn't seem that concerned but as soon as Kenny turned around he could see Kyle's ‘cut it out’ face, one not easily mistaken. Oh this is why stan even cared enough to elbow him

“Whatever” he murmured as he took a sip of the hot wine. The moment they entered the ‘party’ Henry had thrown it was as if both butters and Cartman disappeared in thin air, Cartman was swarmed by the infinite choice of food and butters…

Well, he stood with his back to Kenny as he talked to some of Henry's friends, smiling and laughing as the dick hole rested one arm at Butters’ hip. The asswipe might as well drop down and hump the ground butters was standing if he was going to do that.

“Do you think butters is ignoring us?” he must've, they've been here for an hour and butters hasn't even glanced at them. Sure, he was there just so Henry could flex on them. Kenny wasn't stupid, if it was for a normal get together Henry wouldn't have invited them, fuck no , all of this is obviously some kind of scheme to shove his wealth down everybody's throat but he was hoping that at least the only reason he even came to this idiotic party would talk to Butters.

“What? Haha, come on dude, butters?” Stan looked at him as though he was telling him a conspiracy theory rather than a fact . Butters was ignoring them and he will give him a piece of his mind.

he marched to butters but without even getting two steps in-

“Wait, where are you going?” Stan looked at him confused.

“You can stay a few minutes alone, Kyle won't take long.” He smiled before shaking his hand off the grip.

“Don't do something you'll regret” Stan said- or rather yelled as though they weren't surrounded by a sea of people. It's amazing to see the lengths of un-shamelessness stan is willing to go just to carry out Kyle's tasks and although Kenny would do just about the same thing so he wouldn't have to face Kyle's warth, something tells him that Stan has other motives.

As he approached closer to the princess of the evening, he could see the way the hand that had seemed so teasingly placed on butters hip just for Kenny's torture was multipurposeful. That Jackass.

Henry pulled butters closer, tightening his grip or digging his nails on his suit as butters talked to people Kenny hadn't even seen before. He fucking knew that shithead was up to no good! 

“hey”  Kenny gave a smile, one that contrasted so much with his inner monologue he even cringed himself.

“Oh uh ,Ken. Hi”  there was a shift in the air, as if an elephant was sitting upon them, An elephant who happened to be a 5 '11, dark haired piece of shit. His green eyes looked as poisonous as a snake's venom. His eyes flickered down to the hand and just as before, Henry pulled butters closer, his grip only tightening.

“Oh Kenny, you're here.” God, he was the one that invited him through butters. How much more annoying could he get without getting punched?

As it turns out. Very, very much.

It had been only 5 minutes Kenny had shared with Henry and yet in those 5 minutes Henry had somehow managed to turn the conversation from butters to how much money his company had made just this month. He was simply ridiculous.

But what made Kenny genuinely lose his mind wasn't even how Henry, despite being a degenerate piece of shit and constantly talking over butters, still thought he was somehow better than the rest but rather, the way this man would use anything possible to manipulate butters words and actions. It wasn't hard to see that the person in front of him wasn't anymore his friend but a puppet.

His blue eyes missed the shine they always had and during the entire conversation butters hadn't smiled once, which although normal for most people, for butters this was completely out of the ordinary. This had to end.

“hey butters, can we talk for a second- alone ”

“um” butters eyes darted to where Henry stood , like a child asking their mom to go play before answering-”sure”

The balcony near them was wide and white, with vines going up yet unfortunately they were dead. Dried and easy to break. The moon beamed on them and as if for once god was with him, there was no other person.

“so…what’cha wanna talk about?” Butters started, playing with the hem of the black t-shirt , looking down at his shiny shoes like a dog who was about to get punished. 

“Why don't you tell me?” Butters looked at Kenny confused.

“Before, Henry wasn't being really nice to you, was he?”

“What are you talkin’ about. Sure he was!” A smile was thrown to Butters face, lips stretching wide and teeth showing yet there wasn't a single sparkle to his eyes, the constant fireworks that lit up Butters eyes had died down, leaving the endless skies a plain blue. Without that glimmer in them it was almost as if those weren't butters eyes looking back at him, it was a cheap plastic mask,the type karen would wear during Halloween when money was the issue and the budget was the solution.

“No he wasn't. You think I wouldn't have noticed? That ass sucker kept pushing you around as though you were some kind of puppet”

“Answer me this butters; were you there for him or because of him?” Kenny let that sink in, the silence between them tense as rock as butter's smile faded. 

“Kenny, you've gotten it all wrong, I wanted to help, I wanted to be there for him” Maybe it was all true and butters did just want to help but does that give the right to Henry to push butters around? thrust him in the middle of everyone's attention as nothing more but  ‘Sephan Stotch’s son’?

“you weren't helping him, butters, you were obeying him. Fuck! He could say sit on the floor and you would” it feels like they’ve had this conversation one too many times. It was getting tiring and yet butters still insisted that Henry was this golden person, molded perfectly just to love him. To someone who actually lov- likes butters this whole situation is plain stupid, but really does Kenny have any room to talk? He wasn't exactly the poster child for treating butters to utmost perfection like he deserves.

But is it that bad that he wants to? At least he is willing to try, Henry on the other hand…well, Kenny doesn't exactly have the time to slender Henry when his friend is red in the face and basically screaming internally like a tea pot ready to be served.

“fuck you Kenny, you think you know everything but the thing is you don't, so please stop sticking your nose in my or my boyfriend’s business.” Butters shook his head, turning on his heel. Goddamn it.

“Wait! Butters!” Kenny grabbed Butters wrist, stopping him in his tracks but Butters didn't turn around, didn't even acknowledge it, just tugged his hand harshly almost pulling Kenny forward too.

“No! I said I didn't want to be near you, at least respect that” Butters shoulders tensed, his back straighter than a line and it looked strangely similar to that night. Shit, shit, shit! No, not again!

But it was too late now, butters left nothing behind except the smell of vanilla that hunted kenny like a grudge and a weight he couldn't carry, slowly shattering him in a million.

_________

Predictably, Kenny had- somehow- ended up in a bed that definitely wasn't his. The door shook with music but Kenny's whole body was stuck to the bed like moths to a light bulb. It didn't matter, it was useless to get up anyways, his last death had been so tiring he might just stay here forever.

At least it was useless until 11 September was plastered all over his phone screen. He is so fucked. How the hell did he forget butter's birthday!? 

He could feel his legs pushing him out of his bed to find his pants, maybe adrenaline finally got them to work but damn it they weren't fast enough. He had no cake with him and definitely no present either but shit if he wasn't going to make it to butter's birthday in time then the lord can strike him down into pure dust.

“Hey Ken, where are you going?”

“Why don't you stay longer?”

“Kennyyy” 

Drunk voices of his friends surrounded him as he made his way out of the party. Their house wasn't so far from here, right? He can just run the way back? What was he even talking about, he has no car with what else would he go home.

Taking a deep breath he ran down the street like he was getting chased by dogs and with his clothes half-heartedly put on he might very well look drugged.

Arriving home he jammed the key in until finally it unlocked. The lights were closed, only the moon light peeking in, it was cold inside but it might as well be room temperature for him considering that he was a walking fridge.

“Butts? Butters?” no one answered except the whispering wind. The moonlight shone on the piles of gifts, some names he didn't recognize but most were familiar. Shit did he seriously miss it?

He called Kyle, he was here and had some great advice, always did. Walking into the kitchen to grab a glass of water for the stupid headache Kyle finally answered. 

“This is kyle” his friend's voice rang into his ears and he could feel his shoulders dropping.

“Yeah I know dude, I called you” Kyle always managed to find a way to add more steps to a simple thing, the phone answering might not be as bad as the 20 step hair care routine he has but it's not too low on the list either.

“It never hurts to make sure someone didn't call me by mistake”

Kyle scolded. He didn't have time for this, he needed to find butters, apologize and hope that someone up there will take mercy on him and make butters forgive him even if he didn't deserve it.

“Whatever, just- where are you right now?”

“Home”

“Who is with you?” maybe butters went with stan and Kyle after the birthday-

“Stan”

“shit…” a few strands fall in front of his face, pushing them back a few times before finally sticking to their place. He needs to cut them soon but maybe then they would be too short for butters to play with them. It was a silly excuse, sure, but when the last time being caressed was a distant memory that only came up faded, it was hard to give it up once you had it.

“Why? What happened?” Kenny and Kyle have been friends for many, many years but one thing that Kyle seems to always forget is to not stick his nose where it doesn't belong. Not to say this with any hatred but it got a bit annoying at times.

“Nothing. Have you seen Butters?”

“yeah, he left with that dude, what was his name- ahh- Henry! That's right”

“Henry?” it tasted bitter in his mouth as he said the name.

“he was some guy butters dad forced butters to invite”

“Jesus christ” somehow- someway butters parents never cease to surprise Kenny. They are always on some wake-doodle-doo shenanigans, this coming from a guy whose parents aren't very normal either.

“I know, right? Anyways, now that I think about it, butters was looking for you.”

“He was?” 

“Yeah, something about needing to tell you something” 

“what?”

“Does it sound like I would know?- I'll call you later, I'm with stan now”

“tell him I said hi”

“yeah, yeah” the long beeping sound took over the entire room, it was weirdly quiet. Although both Kenny and Butters were well, not that social, their house was always brimming with noise. They tried keeping it down but their loud laughter or mundere tasks would bring an angry neighbor knocking on their door.

Kenny sighed, dropping down on the couch. Hopefully Butters didn't take too long to come back but if the time on his phone was right he would be here in not such a long time- well that is if Butters decides to sleep in his own bed tonight.

It's been a while but after half an hour or so, murmurs were heard behind the door, one of the voices soft like a mother's one singing a lullaby to her baby before the door creaked open.

Kenny had changed into his pajamas with a cup of hot milk on his hand as he stopped in his tracks to see the figure of his friend towing his shoes off.

“Hey Leo” Kenny called out and as if he pushed a button, butters shoulders tensed, but he didn't turn around just continued to take off his coat making him look smaller than without the amount of layers he had put on.

“h-heya ken” he greeted but didn't even stand long enough to talk, just immediately tried to bypass him, not sparing him a glance.

“Um-about before-”  he grabbed Butter's hand lightly, if he wanted to leave and not hear Kenny that's fine. Kenny didn't deserve to be heard anyways but if by any chance- or stroke of luck butters decides to hear him even for a second maybe, just maybe he can get a second chance. A chance at improvement.

“Ah, it's okay Kenny. I just need ta go” Butters voice came small slowly pulling his hand away and it was only by instinct that Kenny's grip tightened.

“wait no I am sorry, I should have been here for your birthday,”

“it's fine,”

“No it's not-”

“What do you want from me Kenny? Do you expect me to scream? scold ya?” Butters turned around, looking at him in the eyes for the first time since he entered the room. Frowned brows and lips gave him the message before butters could even open his mouth. He didn't need to be told; he fucked up.

Kenny blinked once, twice but even a single  bee made more noise than him. Yes, that's what he was expecting. Screaming, shouting, all of these are stuff he was used to but this?...what even is this?

“...I'm leaving” Butters looked away, pulling his hand before walking away. His finger lightly brushed against his beaten up knuckles from years of bad habit.

The door to Butters room shut and he was left there standing, alone . Again. Yet somehow he felt more anxious. 

Pushing the strands in front of him back, he chewed on his lip as if it were bubblegum. What was he supposed to do? 

___________

The twigs of the fake tree were so fucking hard to open even a pickle jar would be a better component than it. His arms were straining and his hands had little cuts of blood all over them from the spiky ‘leafs’. He spent a 100 dollars on this tree and he might as well have bought it from goodwill.

Falling back on the floor- just for a totally small break, Kenny's eyes fell back on the ornaments. Red and green, red and green everywhere. decorating and basically turning their house into a bronner's shop, it has come to a point where red doesn't seem like a color anymore.

Butters said he could do whatever he wanted with the house, practically leaving him alone on this job so he could hang out

with mister ‘too perfect to do anything bad’

“fuck you Kenny, you think you know everything but the thing is you don't, so please stop sticking your nose in my or my boyfriend’s business.”

Ugh, whatever.

‘Too sexy’ started playing from his phone and it was honestly a shame the song was cut short when kenny answered the phone.

“Yellow”

“Um, Kenny?”

Pushing himself from the ground Kenny cleared his voice. It has been such a long time since Kenny heard his name be said this sweetly.

“oh, Hey, what's up?”

“I-uh need, I need a ride. Like right now.” from the background Kenny could hear sniffling, was butters sick?

“Now? Weren't you going to stay over at Hen-your boyfriend’s house?” 

“I just- um- I just really need ya right now ken…please” his voice was wobbly, barely breaking through as his words were constantly being cut off when he gulped, probably from a strained throat. Oh shit this was bad.

“Whatever it is, it's going to be fine butters, I'm coming, send me your location” it was like a switch turned on, suddenly he was running up and down the house grabbing everything. Did butters get seriously hurt? Was he in a dangerous situation? 

Kenny takes pride in being a careful driver- you can never be too careful- especially when it comes to cars. There are too many bad drivers for Kenny to feel safe on the street. But when his feet hit the pedals all he could hear was Butters' hurt voice trying hard not to cry as he begged Kenny to go get him.

To say the least, the drive didn't last long because in 10 minutes Kenny found the neighborhood Butters was in. The buildings were tall, mounting over him not only with their light but their luxury too and with the blinding lights of different Christmas ornaments there was no doubt this was one of those rich ass neighborhoods.

 It felt weird being there, the sight of clean streets and gorgeous, million dollar houses was a spark contrast to his neighborhood. It was almost like he could taste the money.

“Butters?” Kenny called out from his car to the figure on the other side of the road holding a reusable bag, as he made his way to the car. Butters was one of the few people who insisted on using reusable bags to the end of this world to the point that now it has become a rule they both follow strictly.

“hi kenny” butters gave him a quick acknowledging smile, before getting seated. Butters pulled up the sleeve of his jacket, his clothes were messy and it was clear he had been in a rush by the way he was breathing.

“What happened? Are you okay?-” 

“I'm okay, but uh, my m-mom, she uh, she is in the hospital and I don't even know what happened except that she was rushed there.” Tears overflowed his eyes, his face getting redder and redder by the second as he tried to keep them in but failed miserably. He couldn't take it anymore, butters looked like a kicked puppy and Kenny had always been weak to him. He grabbed the back of Butters head pulling him into a hug.

The position they were in was uncomfortable, the arm rest dug into Kenny's rib and he was sure Butters wasn't having a fun time either but it didn't matter cause Butters was crying and all he could do was hold him as he let him talk.

“I-i don't know what to do. She was hurt and I didn't even know that”

“It's okay, It's going to all be okay baby, She is a strong woman” Kenny accidentally let the pet name slip but butters didn't react, just gripped the back of his hoodie as more tears slipped through.

“promise?” Butters said in a tiny voice. Of course he couldn't promise that, it wouldn't be fair to Butters but the unsteady hold on Kenny told him that the reassurance of her being okay wasn't what Butters was looking for. In a time like this where everything felt like crushing waves of an endless ocean even a small deserted island could seem like the world.

“Promise” he says confidently because there was nothing that was going to stop him from embracing butters, nothing stopping him from being there for butters until his last breath and absolutely nothing that could ever make him stop loving butters.

_____________________

The room smelled like heaven. Kenny had just walked into the kitchen and he swore he could see God standing right infront of him. Well that is if God was a blond man with the most bright eyes ever. The smell of chicken and smashed potatoes blending so well together, that Kenny felt like a cartoon character. Floating to where the food was as a waterfall fell from his mouth.

“I didn't know you could cook so well”  his voice priced through the room who until now was taken over only by the sound of sizzling and hums. Butters turned around, his eyes had the one thing they had been missing for a long time; the sparkle of joy.

“Mmm try living with McCormick for 4 years, you learn some skills” butters says not taking his eyes off the meat as he gently laid it to a plate.

“Is that so?” 

“Mhm. Did you fix the lights?” 

“Yup, now our entire house looks like it belongs on a Christmas episode.” It was the only reason why Kenny hadnt been here helping butters. That and because butters insisted he would be the one to cook and clean the plates since he felt bad for what happened yesterday. Honestly Kenny was just glad that Linda was okay and didn't have any life threatening injuries from falling down the stairs.

“Good job” Butters wiped his hands on the towel before pushing his hair back for him.

“Don't they annoy you?”

“I don't really mind them, plus, you like playing with them”

“I do...but I like them more when they aren't a burden to you”

“They're not-”

Ding-dong 

This early?

Opening the door, shiny black hair and eagle piercing eyes that analyzed every single detail of their surroundings appeared, behind her Cartman their “big-boned” friend munched on his pre-food food.

“Ah, Wendy, Cartman. Welcome in.” Kenny tried to put on a smile but probably failed miserably by the looks of everyone.

“Hey guys” wendy nodded at them but not for a single moment did she meet their eyes, instead she was looking around the room as if they had hidden a bomb. Cartman on the other hand spent no time going to the kitchen to ‘taste test’.

“not bad…I thought you guys would have started another one of your cat fights but it turned out really not that bad- of course I would have-” 

“oh look at that more people have arrived” the bell rang, saving butters and kenny from the absolute storm that was headed their way. It was true that most of their ornaments weren't expensive and some of them were even self made but the self made ones seemed more precious because he made them with butters, watching the sadness leave his eyes as little Christmas trees were formed.

Slowly their small apartment started getting filled with friends and coworkers and soon even walking from the living room to the kitchen was hard. He could see butters struggling to do that, saying sorry and excuse me every time he tried to push through people. 

“Leo!” Kenny said before grabbing his hand and squeezing it, the other man jumped a little shocked at the touch but when he turned around it was almost like he melted, letting Kenny lead their way and soon they found themselves in the kitchen where all their friends were either inhaling the food or drinking the night away.

Taking a place at the table, surrounded by familiar faces they take a seat to a hungry cartman and a suspiciously giggly Bebe.

“Look at this year's hosts. Lookin’ sharp in those reindeer sweater” bebe practically screamed but everyone was already used to her shenanigans so no one really cared that much.

“Butters, where is Henry?” she looked genuinely confused and started looking around as if Henry's humongous head could fit under the table.

“Oh, he didn't come” Butters shrugged but the glittery look on his eyes started fading. Kenny moved his chair closer to butters about to whisper something in his ear and hold him closer- it's a Christmas party, this should be the one time Henry doesn't ruin anything.

“What? Boo, asshole. Who does not come to their boyfriend's party” that’s what I've been saying!

“actually…we aren't together anymore” Butters looked down at the table more embarrassed than sad as he played with a string coming out of the table cover. What the..? Butters didn't mention this before, when did they? 

“Wait, what? What happened?” bebe shared the same confusion as kenny, both of them looking at butters with question marks above their head.

“Nothing much…I guess I just realized something and it wouldn't be fair to be with him anymore” leaning onto his own shoulder ,butters looked to the right as if recalling something before cringing. 

“Whatever, he wasn't all that anyway. You should date someone more like Kenny” Bebe said that oh-so casually you'd think she was asking for the price of something at a supermarket. Kenny and Butters were unfortunately not together, not really what Kenny preferred but hey at least he gets to stay near Butters and that's all he needed.

“Excuse me?” Butters looked as shocked as a cartoon, eyes wide open that even an owl would be envious of him while his mouth dropped to the floor.

“I mean, you guys have been living together for like 4 years now you know this better than I do but I also am a total love detector” 

“Oh, I'm not sure-”

“Here drink some of this you need it” Kenny pushed the glass of water near him. It's not often any of them get too trashed anymore but at times like this he can't help but guard them like they are delicate flowers and besides that…

He can feel his face bursting with color at bebe’s words. There is something so different about hearing your thoughts be said out loud. A quick look to his left and he could see butters blushing too, although probably not for the same reasons as him it still felt nice to know that he also feels strongly about their relationship.

The party went on though, Clyde got stuck in the laundry machine somehow, Stan apparently ate a piece of cake knowing it had nuts in it and now has a stomach ache and so on but none of that mattered because now he is alone

…with butters.

The moon was big and lovely, the stars seemed to shine even more and butters looked gorgeous under the moonlight, what more can a man ask for? 

At least it would've been perfect if there wasn't this nagging feeling that hit him like a train every time he looked at butters. Who knew a single word uttered could have so much impact on him? Henry is a person Kenny is glad he doesn't have to see again- doesn't want to see again but why was he feeling so tense? It's like a rug was swept underneath him letting him fall into the cold hard reality. Now that henry wasn’t a problem anymore, now that the comfortable excuse that henry had created for him wasn't there anymore, he had to actually go and win butters, make him feel the same as butters made him feel.

But what if he couldn't?

“y’know…you never told me you broke up with henry” kenny broke the ice thick silence. The words came out of his mouth and the weight that had been crushing him as if he were a bug left without a goodbye. Finally, He looked at Butters and the familiar warmth and shyness broke throughout him like a loving embrace. No more uncertainty, no more train hittings, just pure unfiltered love.  

“oh that's…it has a long time since that happened” 

“a long time?”

“...yeah” butters played with his knuckles, his eyes averting in shame. Why was he lying to kenny? 

Butters took a deep breath in, the silence defeating him. “Henry- he didn't want me to leave when my mom was hurt. He got mad that I had called you first before telling him. I guess that made me realize that I…i” butters looked into his eyes, his cheeks red like a rosy sky when the sun kissed the earth goodbye. Words tried to come out of his eyes yet his mouth stayed shut tight, not a word in sight, not a word to hold on tight.

“He um- he wasn’t the one i wanted to be next to me no matter the good or the bad” 

“That bad huh?” All Kenny could do was console him, after all that's all he could do no matter how much he wanted to tug butters back, tame the angry expression that taunted that tantalizing face.

“Hey ken?”

“Hm?”

“Sorry” that's all he said, that's all that needed to be said. He doesn't need to know what Butters has done, for when he looks at him like that all choices have been forgotten, all  mistakes have been forgiven.

“For yesterday. I know i haven't the best pal but you still came for me” he says that as if kenny would ever not come for him. It hurt that Butters would ever think such a thing yet it wasn't his fault, over the months they had spent pointing at each other, trying to win a pointless battle of who screams the loudest, Kenny had left little room for trust.

“You called,” he confessed, loud and clear for the world to hear. Every tear and every cheer for every ear to hear as the bells ringed and the memories they relieved for a moment this christmas eve. 

“I always have, always will” butters smiled and the earth stopped for a reason special like no other. A smile so lovely in a world so cold, a boy so tiny with a heart so big, a word so small with an impact so big.

“i love you”