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In a festive structure at the centre of an edgeless desert, the halls of the War Champions' base were being thoroughly decked. War Geeta quietly hummed to herself as she roamed the base, hanging up tinsel as she went, while her small, glowing wisps placed lights on the other walls.
"...Whuh?" War Cynthia, sitting in her ice cream truck, stirred from her nap. Blinking groggily, she tilted her head up to see a row of lights being placed over the top of the serving hatch, each a more vibrant colour than the last: first red, then cyan, then grey, green, blue, grey, maroon, purple...
"Huh?" slurred War Cynthia, yawning. "What do you mean more vibrant than the last? There's...two greys..."
"Hm?" War Geeta turned to face her from across the room. "Are you talking to someone?"
"Oh!" War Cynthia was gradually becoming more awake. "Hey, War Geeta! Didn't see you there..." She rubbed her eyes and looked back up at the lights. "What's all this?"
"Oh, I'm doing some decorating," explained War Geeta as she finished placing the tinsel she was holding. "Just getting us into the holiday spirit. It's that time of year again, after all."
War Cynthia stared blankly. "...What time of year?" she asked flatly.
"The non-specific winter holiday season, of course!" War Geeta replied merrily. "Well, come to think of it, we haven't really celebrated it together before...but I did tell you about it, remember?"
"Uhhh..." War Cynthia gazed off into the distance, scratching her head. "Like...the winter solstice?"
"Uh, I guess so?" said War Geeta. "But don't you remember the—"
"Here she goes again," announced War Lance as he strode into the room. "There's no such thing as winter in this desert, War Geeta."
"Ugh, that's not the point!" she exclaimed. "It doesn't need to be snowing for us to get into the holiday spirit! Don't you remember the secret presents thing I talked about?"
"Yeah, you wouldn't shut up about it," quipped War Lance.
"The...presents thing?" repeated War Cynthia.
"You know," said War Geeta, "the thing where we—"
"OH!" War Cynthia blurted out. "You mean the thing where we each had to buy a gift for another member of the team without revealing who bought it until it gets received?!"
"Phew, you do remember," said War Geeta. "Have you got your gift yet?"
"You mean for the thing where we each had to buy a—"
"Yes," said War Lance.
"I sure did!!" squealed War Cynthia, wide awake by this point. She reached down into the truck and pulled out a grey cube with wrapping paper over half of it. "I've had it here ready to go since yesterday!"
"Wait, you have?" said War Geeta. She made a slight motion with her arm, and a few wisps promptly flew into the truck and snatched the cube away from War Cynthia.
"Huh?" she said in confusion. "That wasn't for you..."
"I told you to give the presents to me," said War Geeta, calmly but with a hint of exasperation.
"Wait, so you're just gonna get eight presents?" questioned War Cynthia. "That doesn't feel fair..."
"No, I'm gonna put them under the tree so that you don't know who got them," War Geeta explained. "It's supposed to be a secret, remember?"
"...What tree?" asked War Lance. "You mean the one you put weird lights on in the other room?"
"Have none of you celebrated this non-specific winter holiday before?!" War Geeta snapped.
"I probably had better things to be doing with my time," said War Lance.
"Well, there was that time I..." War Cynthia trailed off as she glanced up at the lights again. "...Huh, the second grey one's orange now. Guess it was just broken."
Before War Geeta could reply, thudding footsteps approached. The three of them turned to see War Alder bursting in.
"Hey everybody!" he yelled obnoxiously, quickly noticing the decorations. "Whoa, this place looks totally different now! Did someone break in and—"
A portal suddenly opened and out came War Diantha, who barged into War Alder.
"OUCH!" he exclaimed, greatly exaggerating the impact as he tumbled to the ground dramatically, flailing his arms before pretending to have fainted.
"Oh no!" said War Cynthia. "The light broke again!"
"For fuck's sake, watch where you're going!" War Diantha raved at War Alder as she closed the portal behind her.
"I mean, to be fair, you were the one who—"
"War Geeta." War Diantha turned to shoot her a crimson glare, interrupting her speech. "I'm guessing you're responsible for these tacky decorations and ugly lights? I was out for barely ten minutes and now the base looks like some shitty disco!"
"So much for festive spirit..." muttered War Geeta, sighing. She quickly regained her composure. "Don't worry, War Diantha, you're sure to love the other room. It's got a dead tree in it!"
"Oh." War Diantha was genuinely surprised. "Well, that's more like it. I'm glad you came around to my interior design sensibilities."
"Uh, sure," said War Geeta. "My souls and I really worked hard on this."
"Hey, how come you barely even acknowledged Lance Week, then proceeded to do all this for some random holiday none of us care about?" complained War Lance.
"Not none of us!" War Geeta pointed out. "War Steven was pretty excited, remember? Well, at least until I told him who he'd be giving his present to..."
"Oh yeah, the presents!" War Cynthia chimed in excitedly. "Can we give them out now?"
"I'm still waiting on one more," War Geeta answered. "That being War Diantha's."
Everyone turned to face War Diantha.
"What?" she said flatly. It took her a second to realise. "Oh, right, my present! Uh, yeah, gimme a sec, I'll just go grab it."
She ran off into another room and quickly looked around. War Geeta had clearly worked her magic here as well, what with the wreaths and mistletoe and colourful lights. It made War Diantha the tiniest bit dizzy.
"Ugh..." she groaned. She couldn't be too upset though, given all the cool dead plants. Reminding herself of the task at hand, she glanced around the room until spotting a large gift box among the decorations. After running up to it and removing the lid, she found that it was empty. Perfect. She quickly made a tiny portal just big enough for her to stick her arm through and grab the first thing she touched, then pulled it out and chucked the item into the gift box before shoving the lid back on, making sure to close the portal too.
"This is so intense..." War Cynthia noted. "When will she return with the gift?! I can hardly contain myself with this much anticipation!"
"Bye," said a bored War Lance, turning to leave.
"Whoa!" War Alder suddenly leapt back up, to everyone's chagrin. "No need to worry guys, I'm perfectly fine! Nothing can keep me d—OW!" He collapsed once more as War Diantha's large present crashed into the back of his head.
"There we go," said War Diantha, who had returned carrying the big gift box. Despite its overly large size, it was pretty light to carry. "Here's my present!"
"But that's..." War Geeta sighed loudly. "Does it even have anything in it?"
"Of course it does!" affirmed War Diantha, shaking the box a bit to produce a rattling noise. "What do you take me for?"
"Fine," said War Geeta as she had her wisps grab the gift. "I suppose that's everyone, then. I'll go set things up and we'll start in a few minutes."
"Wow, this is so exciting!" War Cynthia exclaimed as War Geeta left the room. "I'm definitely feeling the non-specific winter holiday spirit now!"
"Yeah, let's get this over with already," said War Lance nonchalantly.
Five short minutes later, the eight War Champions were all gathered around the festive tree War Geeta had installed, ready to open the eight gifts placed beneath it.
"Okay, everyone!" War Geeta declared excitedly. "Thanks for all taking part in this anonymous non-specific winter holiday secret gift exchange! Or as I like to call it, the ANSWHSGE!"
"No you don't," stated War Lance.
"I gotta say, War Geeta," War Alder added. "You really did a good job...sprucing up that tree! HA-hahahahahahaha!" He slapped his knee in amusement. "Ow!"
"This is a pine tree, actually," War Geeta pointed out.
"Huh?" War Alder replied. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"Weren't you making a pun on spruce trees?"
"What's a spruce tree?"
"I'll open my present first," War Diantha interjected. "Seeing as I'm the leader and all."
"Oh, uh, good idea!" agreed War Geeta. She pulled a tall and somewhat thin present out from under (or rather, next to) the tree, wrapped neatly in glittery red paper and a black ribbon. "This one's for you, War Diantha!"
"Cool," she said flatly as she approached the present, glaring at it. It was a fair bit taller than she was. "...How am I meant to open this?"
"Oh, you just pull that ribbon on the top," said War Geeta.
"Um...alright." War Diantha tried reaching for the ribbon, but it was too high up. She jumped up a few times as she continued grasping for it, but to no avail.
"Who the fuck did this?!" she yelled in frustration. "War Geeta, don't tell me it was you!"
"Uh..." she replied. "It's a secret!"
"Well, it looks like we're in a bit of a pickle here!" said War Alder. "Perhaps I'd be right in saying what you need is a bit of a lift! Lucky for you, I happen to have the super-est strength of any—"
"No, shut up, I've got this," War Diantha interrupted. She began to concentrate hard before waving her arm slightly. The tall gift box suddenly tipped and fell on its side.
"Did you just...open a portal inside the box?" said War Geeta. "That's kind of dangerous..."
"Shush, I'm focusing," she instructed. "Just need to line this up right..."
"Talk about overcomplicating," noted War Leon. "Why not just knock it over so she can reach it?"
"Well, uh," War Geeta explained, "because that might damage the—"
There was a sudden slam as the present fell out of another portal and landed on the floor, right next to War Alder.
"WHOA!" War Alder recoiled in shock to see a very tall cactus, extending from a decently large plant pot. "What a close call that was!"
"Darn, I missed," War Diantha muttered.
"Surprise!" War Geeta announced cheerily. "I got you a big cactus! The edgiest plant of all, and very much dead!"
"Ha, not bad," War Diantha praised. "I've always thought this desert needed more cactuses."
"You mean cacti?" said War Steven.
"Maybe I'll go plant this one outside," War Diantha continued, ignoring him. "Then I can grow my cactus army and conquer the whole desert!"
"You're a gardener now?" noted War Leon.
"I dabble," said War Diantha.
"Wow, cool!" War Cynthia cheered.
"But...the cactus is dead..." War Geeta pointed out.
"...Oh yeah," replied War Diantha. "Uh, well, that's fine too. As your leader, I'm proud to have made you a fellow dead plant fan."
"aEioEu..." quipped Warllace.
"Yeah, I feel so out of the loop, what's with the dead plant obsession?" War Steven asked.
"And here I was thinking plants aren't even real!" added War Alder stupidly.
"...What?" said a confused War Steven.
"Oh, speaking of plants!" War Alder went on. "War Cynthia, something tells me you should open your present next!" He nudged her awkwardly.
"Er..." War Cynthia was hesitant. "...Is it ice cream?"
"...Shoot!" he exclaimed. "How was I meant to know you liked ice cream?"
"It's literally her whole personality," War Lance pointed out.
"Is that so?" said War Alder in surprise. "Huh...well, uh, if only whoever her secret gift giver may be also happened to know that..."
"Hey War Alder, why don't you open yours next?" War Steven offered.
"Really?!" he exclaimed. "Wow, what an idea! That's so nice of you, War Steven!"
"Uh, sure!" agreed War Geeta. She picked up a small gift box from under the tree, wrapped in some old red paper. "This one's yours, War Alder."
"Oh goodie!" he exclaimed, skipping towards War Geeta. He grabbed the box from her hands, slightly squishing it in the process. He tried to tug at the ribbon to undo it, only to end up tearing off the whole top half of the box.
"Whoops!" he exclaimed in an irritating manner before carelessly tossing the box fragment over his shoulder. It happened to land oddly neatly atop War Cynthia's head, though she didn't seem to notice, and nor did War Alder, who was pulling his gift out of the box's remains. It was a small black lump of rock.
"Huh?" he said, examining the object in mild disappointment. "What's this now?"
"It's coal," War Steven explained. "It's a kind of rock. I thought you deserved some."
"Fascinating..." War Alder concluded. "Well, I know that rocks hold a special place in your heart, War Steven. I understand that you have given me this as a symbol of the deep bond we share. Thank you." A few tears fell from his eyes.
"Huh?" War Steven replied. "No, that's not it at all!"
"Yeah, you dunce!" War Diantha added. "It's because coal is made of dead plants! How stupid can you be?!"
"That's, uh, also not what I was going for..." said War Steven.
"Nah, I get it," War Cynthia mumbled drowsily, gazing into the distance. "It's because the darkness of the coal...represents, like...the darkness of his soul...and that's why he's not good enough to get coal..."
"Um...sure, whatever..." War Steven conceded.
"What beautiful poetry...!" said War Alder, tears continuing to fall. "I think you've earned the chance to open your gift next, War Cynthia!"
"Eh, someone else can go," said War Cynthia, suddenly wide awake again. "Hey, uh...War Leon, have you been yet?"
"Nope," he replied. "What have you got for me?"
"Let's see..." War Geeta returned once more to the selection of presents under the tree. "This one's yours, War Leon!"
She handed him a pretty big cardboard box with a lid on it, which produced jangling sounds when moved.
"Whoa, is the gift jingle bells?" wondered War Cynthia.
"Wait, that gift's not from you?" War Steven asked.
"Nah," War Cynthia confirmed. "It could be anyone!"
"Here goes," War Leon uttered before pulling off the lid. As soon as he did, cash spilled out of the box and onto the floor.
"Huh?" said War Leon in surprise. "It's...money?"
He tipped the box slightly in curiosity, and out spilled a huge pile of coins, which scattered all over the ground.
"Stop!" exclaimed War Geeta. "I'm not gonna be the one to clear that up!"
"Sorry," replied War Leon, quickly placing the box upright on the ground. "But wow, that's a lot of money...who got me this?"
"aEiuh!"
Everyone turned to Warllace, who slithered up to War Leon. "AaeIouh..." he trilled. "aEiouh, AheIoiHaeHu oIuiA!"
"Uh, he's saying that he didn't know what to get you, so he just got money and he hopes that's okay," translated War Steven.
"Okay?!" repeated War Leon. "This is great! I can already think of at least seven things to do with all this..."
"Oh, AhEiohaEu, aE..." Warllace continued.
"He's sorry he couldn't wrap it," War Steven translated. "Hey, you can hardly be blamed for that when you don't have arms!"
"How much money is it, exactly?" War Leon asked, looking down at the box. "It's stuffed to the top..."
"aEioihAh..."
"Only about...₽50,000,000?!" War Steven translated. "Where have you been hiding this money?!"
"Yeah, do you secretly know Pay Day or something?" asked War Leon.
"aE, AEuouHauih, hAeiouhE," Warllace explained.
"He...sold prizes from a Game Corner?" said War Steven.
"Huh, Warllace is a gambler," War Diantha noted. "Who would've thought."
"aEiouhei..." Warllace trilled.
"He dabbles," War Steven translated. "And, uh, says he prefers the term PI..."
"That's a completely different thing," War Lance noted.
"Well, thanks a bunch, Warllace," said War Leon. "We should hang out more often, actually. We make a good team."
"aEiohu!" he agreed.
"See, now you're getting it!" War Geeta encouraged. "This is what the non-specific winter holiday spirit is really about! It's the strong bonds we have that bring us together!"
"Wow, how sweet," said War Cynthia. "This has been great so far!"
"Indeed!" War Alder blurted out. "And I have a feeling it would be even greater if you were to open your—"
"Why not let Warllace go next?" War Leon interrupted casually. "I kinda feel like I owe him something now..."
"Warllace it is!" War Geeta agreed. She picked out the next present of the bunch: a large yet lightweight plastic box, primarily red but with a green ribbon painted on. War Geeta pretended not to notice that it was one of the decorations she had bought from the Multiversal Black Market earlier. Actually, considering Warllace's lack of limbs, it worked out pretty well that his present didn't have a real ribbon or wrapping paper.
"AeIoih..." said Warllace in anticipation, lifting the lid off with his mouth and throwing it aside. He poked his head into the box and reached in to grab the disproportionately small item inside: a capsule of some kind.
"Oh, uh, guess that one's from me," said War Diantha. "It's a cool item, isn't it?"
"That's...Booster Energy, right?" War Geeta deduced. "But that's only useful for Pokémon with the Protosynthesis or Quark Drive Abilities..."
"Hey, who are you to decide that?" War Diantha retorted. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder or whatever. I'm sure Warllace here is shrewd enough to find a use for it."
"aEiouhaEi..." Warllace was certainly not one to complain, and he appreciated that it's the thought that counts. But somehow, for some unknowable reason, he almost felt as though this item in particular was some kind of symbol of annoying, idiotic commanders...he was suddenly glad War Diantha couldn't understand him.
"I don't know, I think it looks pretty cool," said War Steven. "And...am I imagining the faint rock signals it's giving me?"
"Ugh, glad you like it," said War Diantha sarcastically. "That was, uh, a real challenge to get for Warllace. Get your own present to drool over."
"Alright," said War Steven with a short sigh. "War Geeta, if you'd be so kind."
"It's my pleasure!" she replied, grabbing a...gift box? No, wait, it was only the front half of the cube that had been sloppily wrapped. "Take it away, War Steven!"
He took the cube and pulled off the paper effortlessly. The gift was a perfectly chiselled cube of rock, with an intricate pattern on each face.
"Oh yeah, this one's from me!" War Cynthia perked up. "I got you a block! You love blocks, right?"
"You mean rocks?" corrected War Lance.
"Who cares, this is both!" War Steven exclaimed, staring at the object in fascination as he repeatedly turned it this way and that in his hands. "It's beautiful...coarse yet elegant! Everything I love about rocks! Definitely getting a special spot in the collection."
"Ha, I'm so good at this," War Cynthia observed smugly.
"You got someone who's easy to please," War Lance retorted.
"The patterns on this are not simple," War Steven pointed out, before finally looking up from the rock to face War Cynthia. "Where did you get this? Because I need to go there."
"Oh, I had a friend of mine do it," War Cynthia recalled. "Called...Aarune, I think. He's multitalented."
"Ugh, I remember that guy," War Lance commented. "He was so boring to talk to."
"Well, I'll be sure to have a talk with him," War Steven noted.
"Hey, maybe I should come too!" War Alder suggested. "A friend of War Cynthia's is a friend of mine!"
"I wouldn't wish that on anyone," War Diantha quipped.
"Okay, three presents to go!" War Geeta announced. "I think I'll open mine next. Oh, I wonder who my anonymous secret gift giver could possibly be!"
"You know already," War Lance deadpanned.
War Geeta ignored him as she unwrapped her present. It was a pretty small one that wasn't in a box, but was wrapped in bright green paper with some claw marks. After tearing away the paper, she found a thick purple book dripping with equally purple slime.
"Ew," she reacted. "Uh, I mean, wow! What an...interesting present!"
"I know you like reading," War Lance explained. "I found that book in the Multiversal Black Market. It was the cheapest one I could— uh, I saw it and thought you'd like it."
War Geeta wiped away some of the slime on the cover with her hand, revealing bold orange text that read "XALIODEX".
"Um...thanks?" War Geeta said, genuinely confused and somewhat intrigued as to what this book was. "I'll be sure to give it a read."
"I'll take that as a win," said War Lance flatly. "Who's next, is it me?"
"Sure," said War Geeta, carefully putting the book on the ground before picking up another present. "Here you go."
War Lance took his present, neatly wrapped in an elegant box. He opened it to find a large knife, with a thick black handle half the size of the blade.
"Huh," said War Lance, taking the knife out of the box and inspecting it in satisfaction. "Seems my anonymous gifter knows me pretty well."
"That's good to hear," said War Leon. "That isn't just any knife, though. Just for you, I infused it with...um, special sauce."
War Lance suddenly glared at War Leon. "What did you do to this knife?" he asked solemnly.
"Don't worry, it's a good thing," War Leon replied. "It's full of...extra special power, that's all."
"Is it just me or did I see green bubbles coming from it?" asked War Cynthia.
"Huh?" War Lance replied, looking back to the knife. "I mean, probably just you given your track record."
"Huh," War Cynthia responded. "Well, anyway, that's all the presents, right? This was fun!"
"Hey, wait!" War Alder interjected. "You still haven't opened your own fabulous present, War Cynthia!"
"Oh yeah, I guess that's true," she said, looking at the one present that remained under the tree, a crumpled box with several tears already present in the wrapping paper.
"Right, here goes," said War Geeta, handing War Cynthia the box. "Whenever you're ready, I guess..."
"Hmm, I wonder who gave me this gift..." pondered War Cynthia as she held the box, thoroughly inspecting it.
"There's only one person left it could be," said War Lance in slight irritation. "War Geeta, why the heck did you choose this pair?"
"It was random selection, I promise," she insisted.
"Well, uh, what do I do with this?" War Cynthia asked.
"You open it!" encouraged War Alder, the only one to still sound enthusiastic.
"Oh, right," War Cynthia replied. She attempted to tear some of the wrapping paper, only to end up pulling off the whole top half of the box by accident.
"Ha, easy mistake to make!" quipped War Alder. "We really have so much in common!"
As he rambled, War Cynthia took out the item inside the box. It was a thin, fluorescent green plastic stick, bent in the middle, topped with a black sphere to which some plastic flower petals in a dull red were attached irregularly. An ugly fake flower.
"What?" said War Cynthia in genuine confusion. "This isn't part of the dead plants thing, is it?"
"War Cynthia!!" War Alder suddenly and dramatically exclaimed. He grabbed the flower and snapped off the top half, leaving War Cynthia with the bottom half of the green stick. Then, he got down on one knee.
"Ow...er, ahem! War Cynthia!" He held the flower up to her. "For a long time now, we've been in this team together, and...I always felt that we had a certain special connection. So, I wanted to ask...will you be my best friend?!"
There was a highly awkward moment of silence.
"...Uh, no?" War Cynthia eventually replied after several long seconds.
"What?!" War Alder screeched.
"Is it too late to fire him?" War Diantha added in frustration.
"War Lance!" yelled War Leon suddenly. "The knife! Cut him with it!"
"Huh?" said War Lance and War Alder in unison.
"Just trust me!" War Leon encouraged. "Go for the arm or something!"
"Uh, if you say so," War Lance shrugged. He quickly leapt at War Alder and sliced a small cut in his arm with the knife.
"YOWCH!" he exclaimed, tossing away the flower as he failed his arms. "That was so...whoa...so..."
He collapsed onto his back and closed his eyes, but reopened them a couple seconds later, now with a faint blue glow in addition to the usual orange.
"Whoa..." he slurred, looking up at everyone. "It's...you guys...everything's so cool now...yo, War Leon!" He waved before suddenly closing his eyes and seeming to fall unconscious.
"Okay, I like this gift now," War Lance said. "Great work, War Leon."
"I'm a little stumped how that works scientifically..." War Steven commented.
"aeEiouHaeUoi..." Warllace pointed out.
"Yeah, good point," War Steven agreed.
"Shouldn't we come up with a more long-term solution to his behaviour?" asked War Geeta. "There's this one festive treatment I read about where you hire three spirits to haunt someone and make them change their ways..."
"Don't think for a second I'm wasting money on him," War Diantha refused. "That doesn't sound cheap."
"I mean, I could try doing it free of charge with my own souls," War Geeta offered.
"Yeah, even that much effort would be wasted on him," War Diantha retorted. "Sometimes there's just no salvaging a waste of space."
"Well, anyway, that's it for the gifts," War Lance pointed out. "Happy holidays or whatever."
"A shame we had to end on such a note," said War Steven, "but thanks all the same."
"Yeah, uh, thanks guys," said War Cynthia. "See you later, I'm hungry." She promptly tossed the broken stick aside and walked off.
"Whoa..." War Alder's eyes and mouth were open again as he groggily watched War Cynthia leave, still lying on the floor. "See you later...I guess..."
"He is much less annoying like this," War Steven acknowledged. "Maybe we should work on a way to keep him like that permanently?"
"Oh, believe me, I've tried," War Leon answered. "The most I ever got was about 60 hours, then I could hardly revert him again for another week."
"Er, anyway," said War Geeta, "thanks again for participating in the anonymous secret gift exchange, everyone! Happy non-specific winter holiday!"
"Hey, in the spirit of the non-specific winter holiday, how about we all go to the Multiversal Black Market together with our ₽50,000,000?" offered War Leon.
"Sure, I'm up for some non-specific winter holiday shopping!" War Geeta agreed.
"aEioihAeIu!" trilled Warllace in delight as War Diantha opened a portal.
"Many thanks," said Cannery to her second customer of the day. "You can come again at any point. If you can find me, that is, given my constant travels."
"Well, I do seem to keep running into you," War Leon responded as he grabbed his purchase. "Thanks, this'll do nicely."
Cannery waved him off as he left to return to his team with the non-specific winter holiday food he'd bought. After he ran out the door, Cannery soon slumped back down, returning to leaning listlessly on the counter as she awaited another customer. While the Multiversal Black Market's transformation into a grand non-specific winter holiday market was a sight to behold, the catch was that new stalls and shops had taken the place of all of Cannery's usual spots, leaving her with nowhere to sell. Not one to give up so easily, she had asked around and discovered the Rusty Spoon, a small café building with a vacancy for its only staff position. Now that she was actually working here, she could easily see the cause of its lack of success: the poor, dismal place felt run-down and mildly eerie, with its faded posters, dim lighting, and unpleasant smell. Though wishing there were more customers, Cannery also felt like it was something of a fitting hangout spot for her.
A ring of the bell signalling the door had opened snapped Cannery out of her drifting thoughts. In walked two customers.
"Yo, nice place you got here!" came a familiar voice. Cannery leaned further over the counter to see Grunt speaking. "I totally jive with these dingy vibes!"
"Yeah, it's...something, alright," added Hop. "Oh, look, you even put up a couple non-specific winter holiday decorations!"
"Hop? Grunt? Can it be you?!" Cannery exclaimed, before turning to the glittery snowflake decorations on the wall that Hop was pointing at. "I can appreciate your appreciation for my efforts to lessen the gloomy atmosphere in this festive season!"
"Yeah, long time no see, mate!" said Hop as he and Grunt reached the counter. "Grunt and I thought we'd pay you a visit, spread some non-specific winter holiday cheer, y'know."
"Yeah, happy—"
Grunt was interrupted by the sound of glass being smashed amidst loud stomps.
"Grrraaaahh!" trilled Tyrantrum in delight as she made her entrance.
"Hey, Tyrantrum!" said Hop in mild annoyance. "I told you you're too big to fit through the door!"
"Well, she ain't doin' any real harm, right?" said Grunt.
"Don't we have to pay for the damages?" Hop reminded.
"Oh, uh...good point, yo..." Grunt admitted.
"I can pay for them!" Cannery offered. "It is fine, I can assure you. I have made...about ₽300 here thus far."
"Yo, thanks, Canny!" Grunt cheered. "That's what the spirit of givin' is all about! Speakin' of which..."
Grunt nudged Hop, who promptly took a present from his bag, wrapped neatly in shiny blue paper.
"For me?!" Cannery exclaimed. "Can you really be meaning it?!"
"Sure we can, homie," Grunt affirmed. "As I was sayin' before, happy holidays!"
"I cannot say I even expected to see you here!" Cannery exclaimed. "How ever can you have known I was working here, at this derelict old establishment? My usual spots cannot have space for me at this time..."
"We just asked around!" Hop explained cheerily. "You're a real well-known face around here. Everyone we spoke to in this market knew who you were."
"Uh...face?" repeated Grunt in confusion. "Er, whatever, point is, you're like some sorta celebrity 'round here, yo!"
"Can that truly be so?!" Cannery exclaimed in surprise. "I cannot say I expected any person here to provide me so much as a second thought..."
"Well, they sure did," Grunt affirmed. "Includin' us, of course! Super Skull Science Squad for life!"
Cannery unwrapped the present to find two items stashed within: a map of the surrounding multiversal area, and a box full of various bottles containing strange substances.
"Oh my cans!" Cannery's exclamations continued as she gazed at the presents in pleasant shock. If she had visible eyes, they definitely would've lit up. "I cannot adequately express my gratitude! Now I can only feel bad for not providing you gifts in return!"
"Oh, no need for that," said Hop. "I mean, seeing as we're at a café, I suppose I wouldn't mind a Komala Coffee..."
"Yo, and could ya fetch me a Tapu Cocoa while you're at it?" Grunt added.
"Certainly!" Cannery saluted. "On the house, in the holiday spirit!"
"Cheers," said Hop. He went to a nearby table and sat down with Grunt, Tyrantrum standing nearby.
"I mean, I do feel kinda bad not payin' if she's gotta pay for them damages..." Grunt whispered.
"We'll, uh, figure that bit out later," replied Hop. "This place clearly could do with a makeover anyway. Let's just focus on the non-specific winter holiday cheer right now, yeah?"
"Can I ask where you even attained this cantastic map?" Cannery called. "I cannot say I have ever seen such an exquisite item before in my many travels! In which it can have proven rather helpful..."
"There's this bloke called Aarune," Hop answered. "He's multitalented. Sells 'em at great prices."
"Yeah, me and Hop got 'em too," said Grunt. "Didn't wanna leave our favourite can outta the fun."
"You are too kind!" Cannery replied. "...Say, where can Kathi Lee be?"
"Oh, her?" replied Hop. "Yeah, she kinda left our group just after you did. Don't worry though, she's...accounted for."
Kathi Lee jumped in surprise when the doorbell rang suddenly. She quickly grabbed her TV remote and paused the non-specific winter holiday movie starring Diantha that she had been watching alone.
"This had better not be more carol singers..." she mumbled, sighing. She reluctantly got up from her sofa and strode stiffly over to the front door to open it.
"Good evening!" said the postman on her doorstep. "You must be Kathi Lee. I've got a Mystery Gift here with your name on it. Here you are!"
Kathi Lee accepted the wrapped-up gift box in mild surprise.
"Thank you," she said quickly after a moment.
"We look forward to serving you again!" replied the delivery guy before Kathi promptly closed the door on him.
Returning to her sofa, she slumped back down and glared in puzzlement at the gift. After a second, she got to tearing the paper off and found the gift within, accompanied by a note.
Happy non-specific winter holiday, Kathi Lee!
Thanks for being our friend and helping us through thick and thin!
Yo hit me up for Diantha movie marathon whenever lol
- Hop, Grunt, & Tyrantrum (Super Skull Science Squad for life)
Kathi Lee saw herself smiling slightly on the reflective surface of the shiny red megaphone they'd gotten her.
War Cynthia ambled glumly back to her room, a bit disappointed at her lame present from War Alder. She really couldn't fathom what he had thought a green plastic stick would've been useful for. But at least giving presents was still fun. She figured that kind of joy must be what the non-specific winter holiday spirit is really about, anyway.
But when War Cynthia reached her room, she was met with a sight that shocked her. She jumped in surprise, causing the box fragment on her head to finally fall off (though she again didn't really notice). Right in the centre of the floor was a huge, grey machine, a tiny bit of purple ooze dripping from parts of it. She ran up to it and examined it closely. After scratching her head a bit, she pressed a purple button and some ice cream squirted out.
War Cynthia's one visible eye (and presumably the other one too) lit up as she realised what it was.
"An ice cream machine!" she exclaimed in joy. She promptly clasped her hands together and gazed at the ceiling. "Oh, thank you gods of ice cream and/or Santa Claus, for your boundless generosity!"
She had failed to notice the note hanging on the side of the machine.
hEy, old FRiend! i HaVen't 4gotten aBout YOu. nOT 1 BIT!!!! I nEVer forget. i kNow how much yOU aDOre that sWeet, sTicky subStance that'S ICed cReam.
i rEally OWed u sOmething more. YoU, YOU!!!1!!?!??!?! yOU sHow'd me that pEople are NOt so irreDeemable. yOu convinc'd me to KEep TRYing! yoU inSPIRed me to Write a bOok, that wiLl help teAch humans the TRUTH. I wILl sAVE ALL of You!, fRom atLayous threats, like POKéMON, & beyond!!! (lOok out for iT, by tHe by. the "XALIODEX"!)
sO, wHAT BettEr time to rEpay ye than thE NON-SPECIFIC WINTER HOLIDAY time!!! gRehahaehea! hAppy hOlidays, goslew!!!
- Xalio