Work Text:
"A little higher..."
In a fortified structure at the edge of a central desert, preparations were underway.
"A bit more to the right..."
The small, glowing wisps inched further along the wall.
"Stop there!" War Lance called.
The wisps let go of the object they were holding, leaving it on the wall. It was one end of a long banner that now stretched across the entire length of the wall, with bright red text reading "HAPPY LANCE WEEK!"
"That's perfect!" War Lance continued. "Thanks, War Geeta!"
"My pleasure..." War Geeta replied, failing to hide the exasperation in her voice as the wisps she had been commanding dispersed. "Look, I get you're enthusiastic about this, but does the exact positioning really matter that much?"
"Of course it does!" War Lance replied. "This isn't just any Lance Week celebration, War Geeta! It's the final Lance Week celebration! It has to be perfect!"
"Wait, it's actually the last one?" said War Geeta in surprise. "Why's that?"
"Well, the—"
"Because I wouldn't have agreed to this shit otherwise," War Diantha interrupted, leaning casually on a nearby sofa, her voice deadpan. "That's the deal we made. One more 'celebration' in exchange for him never bugging me about Lance Week again."
"You shut up," replied War Lance. "Honestly, you guys should be grateful we all get this chance to have a true Lance Week celebration. I tried to find a public event last year, which...didn't go so well, so I figured, what better way to properly celebrate than with a house party! Now we can really go all out!"
The team's usually dull base had been filled with all sorts of over-the-top decorations. Spikes and dragon wings covered the walls, and no fewer than three giant inflatable Dragonite were stationed around the room.
"I don't know where I'll even put all this stuff after we're done," said War Geeta. "I'll have to get around to building a new storage shed outside after the last one vanished..."
"Aww, you guys worry too much," said War Cynthia in her ice cream truck, which was now decked out with spikes and painted red and black. "War Lance never usually gets this excited about anything! We can afford to throw a party for our friend!"
"Yeah, that's the spirit," War Lance replied as War Diantha buried her face in her hands. "How's the food coming along?"
"Oh, it's great!" said War Cynthia excitedly. "I've tried real hard to make the most draconic new ice cream flavours possible! War Leon even helped me to get it just right!"
"Oh, did he now," said War Lance flatly, making a mental note to avoid eating that ice cream at all costs. He had never been the biggest fan of ice cream in general, but at least it wasn't usually potentially unsafe for human consumption.
"Where is War Leon, anyway?" asked War Geeta. "He's not missing the party, is he?"
"No, he's on duty to keep War Alder busy," explained War Lance. "He's playing an important role in ensuring this all goes smoothly."
"I sure don't envy him," muttered War Diantha.
"Hey guys," said War Steven as he strolled into the room, with Warllace slithering close behind. "Have any of you seen my— AH!"
He quickly rushed over to the large, sparkling gemstone on the other side of the room, which was poised neatly on its pedestal. The gem had dragon wings and horns attached to it, while the pedestal had been painted black and red.
"My gemstone!" War Steven cried. "My precious little beauty! What have they done to you?!"
He reached out and touched the gem, using his powers to see its history. A moment later, he turned and glared at War Lance, who was already rolling his eyes.
"War Lance!" War Steven whined. "You stole my gem? And stripped it of its dignity like this?! How could you?!"
"Calm down, drama queen," War Lance replied. "It'll survive a day of actually looking good. It makes for a great bit of decoration, doesn't it?"
"It is more than just a decora—"
"AEiouHauio," interrupted Warllace, trying to console War Steven. "aEuohaei..."
"At least someone here is being level-headed," War Lance remarked. "Oh, Warllace, could you go and make sure the confetti cannons in the other room are working properly?"
"AhEiohA," agreed Warllace before slithering away through a door. He briefly pondered why it always seemed to be him who was saddled with menial odd jobs around the base, but quickly dismissed the thought.
"F-fine," said War Steven, holding back tears as he spoke to the gemstone. "I get it. You're not my little pebble anymore. I suppose you can join in with the party if you want...but just for today, okay?! And if that man lays another clawed finger on you, you tell me right away!"
"For fuck's sake, you're a grown man, War Steven," said War Diantha in exasperation. "I thought you were meant to be the sane member of the team..."
"The others are in danger?!" came War Alder's voice suddenly, echoing from a distant part of the base. "Then I've gotta go help them! I've got the super-est strength of any—"
"No, no, that won't be necessary," War Leon could be heard replying. "They've got everything under control, trust me. In fact, they said that if you leave your room, the, uh, imbalance of the mass would cause eighty universes to collapse and we'd all die."
"I'm tired," muttered War Geeta.
"Hey, the party's only just beginning," War Lance replied. "We're gonna make this a Lance Week to remember!"
In the centre of the base's spare room, a portal suddenly appeared. Two yellow paws emerged from it.
"Hmmm..." Jolteon poked his head out of the portal, looking around the room cautiously.
"I think it's safe to enter!" he announced, stepping fully into the room. "Seems to be some kind of abandoned building..."
A second later, more Pokémon were emerging through the portal.
"Ooh, this looks perfect!" said Sylveon happily as she made her way through. "It's even been pre-decorated for us!"
"Are you sure there's nothing dangerous?" asked Vaporeon, before flinching in surprise. "Gah, a Dragonite!"
"Relax, it's just a balloon," said Espeon coolly. "Huh...why are all these decorations so ugly?"
"I don't think they're that bad..." said Umbreon, admiring the shiny scales on the wallpaper.
"I do think this place might be a little too, uh, dark and creepy," Glaceon observed.
"Well, it won't feel so bad once we start partying!" said Leafeon cheerily. "Ooh, are those confetti cannons?"
"You shouldn't be allowed near those," muttered Flareon.
Eight Pokémon in total had entered the room through the portal, each observing their surroundings with curiosity.
"So we're going with this place, then?" Vaporeon asked.
"I think it should do the job," said Jolteon. "An actual building is a better result than I was expecting for the first attempt, honestly."
"Are you sure we shouldn't try to find a better venue?" asked Sylveon, staring at a wall-mounted model of a Mega Charizard X head. "The more I look at these decorations, the more I feel this weird urge to violently tear them all down..."
"It's probably safer to limit the usage of the portal creator," Espeon pointed out. "A Pidgey in the ball is worth two in the tall grass, as the saying goes."
"Yeah, we can't just waste this special day looking for a perfect venue!" said Leafeon, clearly excited. "I'm ready to party now!"
"Guys, use your brains," said Flareon unenthusiastically. "This isn't an abandoned building, there's lit candles over there. These decorations were obviously put up recently."
"Shit, are we trespassing?" said Glaceon anxiously. "That doesn't usually end well..."
"Someone's coming," Espeon suddenly said, his tail quivering. "Quick, we need to—"
"Oh my!"
The eight Pokémon turned to see Warllace at the entrance of the room, his glowing eyes wide with shock.
"A...Milotic?" said Vaporeon.
"Oh hey, it's the sea monster!" said Sylveon. "Fancy meeting you here!"
"That's the sea monster?" Jolteon exclaimed, staring in shock at Warllace. "You weren't exaggerating when you said it looked bizarre!"
"What— how did— who are all of you?!" Warllace asked as he approached them. "This is supposed to be a private base!"
"Don't worry, we're just visiting," said Espeon, keeping his cool. "It's a nice place you've got here. We figured it'd be perfect for a celebration."
"But— but you can't!" replied Warllace, sounding distressed. "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I simply cannot allow you to be here! Oh, War Lance would never forgive me if he thought that I—"
"Girl, calm down," interjected Sylveon, swirling her feelers as she released a soothing aura. "We don't bite, I promise."
"But I..." Warllace began, trailing off as the aura took effect. "...'Girl'?"
"L-look, we're very sorry we intruded in your home," Umbreon blurted out, evidently frightened. "It was just an innocent mistake, a-and we truly didn't mean to come here. We'll all, uh, be leaving now."
"Aww, really?" said Leafeon in disappointment. "Why don't we all just celebrate together? You've already put up decorations here, after all!"
"It isn't my decision to make, I'm afraid," Warllace replied. "I apologise, but War Lance has insisted that this party must be entirely flawless, and I doubt he would take kindly to any uninvited guests."
"War who?" asked Vaporeon.
"Oh, my friend War Lance," Warllace explained. "He has been very eager to celebrate Lance Week these past few days, you see."
"Lance Week?" repeated Jolteon. "What's that?"
"I beg your pardon?" Warllace replied. "It is the week dedicated to celebrating the famous Pokémon Trainer Lance! Was that not what you were here to celebrate?"
"Of course not!" Sylveon answered. "We're here for Eevee Day!"
"...Eevee Day?" repeated Warllace.
"Yes, Eevee Day!" Sylveon snapped. "Have you been living under a rock or what?"
"Well, I do live near a large collection of them..." Warllace answered.
"Eevee Day is the time to celebrate Eevee and its many evolved forms!" Leafeon chimed in. "The Pokémon beloved worldwide for its charming cuteness and limitless potential!"
"Why do you always sound like a paid endorsement?" muttered Flareon.
"Can you not celebrate that elsewhere?" Warllace requested. "I wish you the best if this day is of importance to you, but I am afraid that our planned Lance Week celebration simply must take priority! War Lance has never been one for a change of plan!"
"Well, he can suck it up," said Sylveon. "Eevee Day is way more important than whatever you're celebrating."
"Sylveon, stop being rude!" pleaded Umbreon. "We don't need to make enemies here!"
"I'm right though, aren't I?" she replied. "Everyone loves Eevee. Who's ever even heard of Glance or whatever?"
"Um, anyone who's ever watched a single Pokémon battle on TV, I'd think?" said Jolteon.
"Too bad the rest of us aren't nerds," Sylveon retorted.
"I dunno, Pokémon battles are pretty mainstream," Espeon noted.
"To be fair, Eevee Day has been officially certified by the national anniversary association," Vaporeon argued.
"Good point!" said Sylveon. "How's that for importance, sea monster?"
"Please, you must understand!" Warllace interjected. "No matter how little import Lance Week may have for you, it is something that War Lance holds dear! You mustn't take that away from him!"
"Isn't it a whole week, though?" asked Glaceon. "He can just reschedule."
"But it is already the final day!" Warllace replied, desperation evident in his voice. "What's more, this year's Lance Week is the final one! We shall never again have a chance to celebrate!"
"So it's the final day of the final Lance Week, then?" Umbreon gathered. "That's the kind of special day that only ever happens once. We're really sorry we got in the way of—"
"But this isn't just any Eevee Day either!" Jolteon interjected. "This year is the Year of Eevee! The entire year has been leading up to the celebration on this day! That also only happens once!"
At that moment, someone entered the room.
"Hey Warllace, what's taking you so..."
War Steven trailed off when he saw eight Pokémon staring back at him.
"...What?"
"Oh, War Steven, this is a nightmare!" Warllace exclaimed. "These feisty Pokémon all appeared in our base somehow, and now they refuse to leave no matter what I tell them! War Lance will be utterly furious!"
"Don't worry, I'll handle this," said War Steven. Putting on an angry expression, he approached the Pokémon menacingly. They stared up at him, tense with anticipation.
"Nice to meet you!" said Leafeon happily, lifting his paw to give a wave before Glaceon quickly smacked it back down.
"Alright, you little rascals, the game is up," said War Steven authoritatively. "I gather you've been ignoring my friend's polite requests for you to leave. Looks like I'll have to be a bit more persuasive."
The glow of his eyes intensified as he raised an arm. A large boulder seemed to come out of nowhere, floating in the air above the Pokémon, ready to fall on them.
"Last chance," War Steven continued. "Leave now and no one has to get hurt. Understand?"
The Pokémon sat still in fear for a moment. Glaceon gulped loudly, causing Vaporeon to flinch.
"Ha, get a load of this knucklehead," said Sylveon with a smirk as she assumed a battle-ready position. "You really think you can take me on in a—"
"Read the fucking room, Sylveon!" Umbreon shouted. "We need to get out of here!"
"Yeah, I'm in agreement," said Jolteon, turning around. "Come on guys, let's find some other universe to...huh?"
He looked around in confusion, which quickly turned into alarm. His ears twisted to the side.
"What's the matter?" asked Leafeon.
"The portal..." Jolteon replied. "Where'd the portal go? Did I turn on the temporary portal setting by accident?!"
"It disappeared while you were arguing," Flareon revealed. "Was wondering if you'd ever notice..."
"So we're...stuck here?!" Glaceon exclaimed in horror. "What are we gonna do?!"
"Well, we can just make a new portal, can't we?" suggested Leafeon with a smile, which quickly shrank. "...Can't we?"
"I left the portal creator behind..." Jolteon explained, clearly distressed. "Crap, I'm sorry, everyone. I can be so foolish at times..."
"Hey, don't be too hard on yourself," said Espeon. "I mean, my whole thing is foresight, I really should've seen this coming."
"Uh..." War Steven watched the Pokémon talking amongst themselves, unable to understand them. "Warllace? What are they saying?"
"It seems that they cannot leave, apparently," Warllace explained. "The portal through which they arrived has disappeared."
"Oh, is that so?" said War Steven. "Well, I think we can solve th—"
"Alright, who's ready to party!" came War Lance's excited voice. Startled, War Steven and Warllace quickly turned to see him standing at the room's entrance, along with War Cynthia and War Diantha. As War Steven turned, his floating boulder loudly tumbled to the floor, barely missing Glaceon as she stumbled backwards.
"...What are you two doing?" asked War Lance. "Why are those Pokémon here?!"
"Calm down, calm down!" said War Steven quickly. "We were, um, just in the process of dealing with this little complication. You see, these Pokémon came here to, er...join in with the Lance Week celebration! They're such massive fans of Lance, and—"
"Get them out of here!" War Lance demanded, his anger rising as War Diantha smirked. "I'm not gonna have a bunch of pests ruining the party! None of them are even Dragon-type!"
"Sheesh, and people call me rude..." muttered Sylveon.
"Right, yes, we were working on that," said War Steven. "We just need to make a portal for them and they'll be on their way."
"War Diantha!" War Lance ordered. "Get these intruders out of our base, now!"
"Why?" she asked, leaning against the wall. "They're not doing any harm, are they?"
"Wh— huh?!" War Lance replied in disbelief. "But I thought you hated intruders!"
"Aww, do we haaaave to get rid of them?" asked War Cynthia. "They're all so cute!"
"No they're not!" War Lance fumed. "Nothing about Lance Week is 'cute'! War Diantha, make a portal already!"
"I think you're forgetting that I'm the leader and my say is final," War Diantha replied. "You should be happy you managed to get any more guests who actually care about this event." She looked down at her fingernails in feigned boredom, pretending to not be amused by War Lance's outrage.
"Ugh, screw you!" War Lance shouted back. "I guess I'll have to take care of the problem myself!"
He angrily stomped towards the Pokémon, pushing past War Steven and Warllace as his claws and tail sprouted.
"Uh, is...everything okay in here?" asked War Geeta as she entered the room.
"War Lance is having a tantrum," answered War Diantha flatly.
"War Diantha is being difficult!" War Lance shouted, turning around to face the others again. "She's the one deliberately trying to piss me off! These random Pokémon showed up for some reason, and no one's actually doing anything about it!!"
"Hey, indoor voices," said War Cynthia.
"Shut up!" War Lance yelled back, tears starting to form in his eyes. "All of you shut up!! You all just think this is some kind of joke, don't you?! None of you ever take me seriously! I've never been appreciated on this team! And when I ask once a year, just for one fucking day, for us to do something that I want to do for once, you all whine and complain and tell me it doesn't matter! Well, it does matter! I know it's hard for you to grasp, but I have feelings too!!"
"Cope," suggested War Diantha.
"War Lance, calm down!" said War Geeta, trying to reassure him as the tears in his eyes began to fall. "Of course we appreciate you! You won't be able to have a perfect Lance Week celebration if you're this stressed, will you?"
"Oh, forget it," said War Lance. "We've already failed that. You don't have to pretend to care."
There was silence for a moment. War Diantha barely managed to hold back her laughter.
"...So is the party off?" War Cynthia finally said. "That's a shame. More ice cream for me, I guess."
"Ahem!"
Everyone turned to Leafeon, who had climbed up on top of the dropped boulder.
"My friends," Leafeon began, "I think it is clear today that we messed up. We made a mistake of—"
"Just get to the point," said Flareon.
"I appreciate your feedback," Leafeon continued, still sounding cheerful. "It's important for us all to remember the true meaning of occasions like this. Special celebrations, like Eevee Day or Larp...Lar...uh, what was it again?"
"Lance Week," said Umbreon.
"Lance Week," repeated Leafeon. "Occasions like Eevee Day or Lance Week exist so that we can all get together and have some fun. That's all we really need to do for it to be 'perfect'. And we shouldn't let this little mishap stop us from doing that. Thankfully, we—"
"He's gonna tell us to settle our differences and make a joint celebration," Espeon interrupted.
"Ah, you took the words right out of my mouth, Espeon!" Leafeon replied. "Well, let's get to it, then! Any questions?"
Everyone was silent, save for the sound of Glaceon snoring quietly. Vaporeon quickly shook her awake.
"...What do you think they're saying?" said War Geeta.
"Huh?" replied Leafeon. "Oh, right, I forgot that humans don't understand us..."
"Whatever they said, they're cute enough to motivate me!" said War Cynthia. "Come on guys, we've got to make this right! Let's show War Lance how much we care!"
"Yeah, we can't just call the party off now," agreed War Steven. "We have to...wait, where did War Lance go?"
"He's sulking in the corner," said War Diantha. "You know, like mature adults do."
Everyone turned to face the far corner of the room. Sure enough, War Lance was sat there, facing the wall, crying quietly into his draconic wings.
"Hmm..." said Leafeon. "There's gotta be some way we can cheer him up!"
"Sounds like a job for me," said Sylveon smugly. She walked over to the corner to join him.
"Hey, weirdo!" she said cheerfully, swirling her feelers as a soothing aura filled the air. "Stop being a petty attention seeker and let us celebrate your party already!"
"Huh?" War Lance was starting to calm down. He peered over his wings.
"Ew, a Fairy type!" He quickly slashed at Sylveon with his claws, which she deftly dodged.
"Welp, I tried," she said, walking back to the others.
"Ugh, I hate it here," said War Lance as he stood up. "Can't even brood in peace..."
He stormed out of the room, scowling.
"...So is the party off?" War Cynthia said.
"I mean..." said War Diantha. "We could always just...do it without him, right?"
War Lance lay on his bed in his small room in the base. He'd been there for almost three hours now, with only his knife collection to keep him company. He'd managed to accept that an actual Lance Week celebration was too much to ask for from his selfish teammates.
He was tired. His eyes started to close.
Suddenly, loud, muffled music started blaring, coming from somewhere else in the base.
He sighed. It seemed that even getting some sleep was out of the question.
In the base's most spacious room, under the illumination of a makeshift disco ball formed from War Geeta's wisps, everyone seemed to be in high spirits.
"Wow, I never knew Pokémon had such good music tastes," remarked War Steven, a paper cup in one hand.
"Heh, thanks," replied Jolteon. "I always thought I'd make a good DJ."
He was sitting behind a small wooden table on which two discs had been drawn with a pen. A boombox was placed underneath it, playing loud music.
"My word, they move with such grace!" added Warllace, who was watching Sylveon and Umbreon dance in the centre of the room, seconds before Umbreon collapsed from exhaustion.
"Wow, nice moves! Let me try!" said Sylveon, who proceeded to collapse onto Umbreon.
"Ow..." muttered Umbreon.
"Oh, uh..." Sylveon leaned towards Umbreon's ears, talking in a low voice. "Sorry if I got on your nerves today, Umbreon. You forgive me, right?"
Umbreon sighed. "Yes..." he muttered. Sylveon smiled, wrapping a feeler around his paw.
"See?" said Leafeon nearby. "Everything turned out great after all!"
"Sure, if a mess of loud noises and flashing lights is what you consider 'great'..." Flareon grumbled.
"Ah, I knew you'd love it, Flareon," replied Espeon. "This is even more fun than the last thing I forced you to join, isn't it? Admit it, I always know best."
"Shut up or I'm never coming to one of these again," said Flareon, rolling her eyes.
Nearby, Vaporeon was shaking Glaceon awake.
"Huh...?" said Glaceon, blinking groggily. "Oh, was I sleeping again?"
"Yep," Vaporeon replied. "How you manage it with this amount of noise is beyond me..."
"Ugh, sorry..." Glaceon apologised. "I think I've just been tired all the time ever since that Ability Capsule incident..."
"Yeah, I've noticed," Vaporeon replied, grabbing a Poffin from a nearby table. "Here, maybe this'll perk you up. Leafeon made these himself."
"Thanks," said Glaceon, accepting the Poffin and taking a bite, which she immediately spat out. "Bleugh, that's disgusti—"
"Shush!" interrupted Vaporeon, putting a paw over Glaceon's mouth. "He's right there, you know!"
"Aww, look at all those cute little Pokémon!" said War Cynthia, sitting in her ice cream truck nearby. "Come on, can't we keep at least one?"
"Not a chance," said War Diantha, leaning on the outside of the truck. "They're all going home the second this is over."
"You know, I think I like them too!" War Alder declared, standing up from a chair. "Maybe I can make friends with one if I go and show it my super-est stre— OW!"
His attempts to walk away from the chair were stopped when he crashed into an invisible barrier, causing him to fall back into the seat.
"I do hope War Lance is alright..." said War Geeta, maintaining the barrier around the chair with her wisps.
"Eh, his loss for not showing up to his own party," War Leon replied. "Want any more of the special ice cream?"
"Oh, I'll...pass, thank you," replied War Geeta. She could've sworn she saw green bubbles emanating from the ice cream cone that he offered her.
"SHUT UP!"
Everyone suddenly stopped what they were doing. They all turned to see War Lance standing angrily at the door.
A couple seconds passed. War Steven nudged Jolteon.
"Oh, sorry," said Jolteon, quickly pressing a button on the boombox to stop the music.
"Ahem," said War Lance. "Shut up! Why do all of you have to be so loud?! I'm trying to sleep!"
"Oh, there you are, War Lance!" said War Alder, standing up to greet him before crashing into the barrier again. "OW!"
"War Lance!" said War Geeta. "Um, I wanted to say...Happy Lance Week!"
"What?"
"It's Lance Week, remember?" said War Diantha. "The final one? The thing you wouldn't shut up about?"
"...Oh yeah," said War Lance. "Wait, were you...celebrating without me?"
There was silence.
"I mean, you're welcome to join in..." War Cynthia finally said.
There was more silence. The room was tense with suspense.
"...Uh..." War Lance looked a bit flustered as he replied. "...Fuck it, sure."
Everyone cheered as Jolteon turned the music back on.
"Yeah, that's the spirit!" Jolteon yelled. "Happy Eevee Day, everyone!"
"And Lance Week..." said Warllace.
"And Lance Week!" said Jolteon. "Let's make this a night to remember!"
"Roger that!" shouted Leafeon as he fired a confetti cannon, showering the room in red and black confetti. "Woohoo!"
"I think I'm gonna puke," Flareon mumbled.