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Spider-Man VS the Grinchafied Avengers
‘It only felt like days, not months, in the Neuro Cortex, but I come back, and it’s almost the holidays? I swear, I think Otto only gave me my body back because he forgot May’s present on top of all the other stuff he did to my life!’ Spider-Man thought as he swung through the city, still annoyed after finding out his former enemy had quit Horizon and ruined many of his friendships at the school.
Under the advice of Anna-Maria, Spider-Man was heading for Avengers Tower after a pathetic attempt to leave Ms. Marvel a message, only to be shocked by a strange blue beam firing up from the tower, causing clouds to get darker and snow to start falling.
Spider-Man could only guess something terrible had happened, whether it was a Tony Stark experiment gone wrong or a supervillain attack; the teenager did not know. What the spider-powered hero did know was that trouble was happening, and he needed to help if he could.
But as Spider-Man got closer to the HQ of Earth’s Mightiest Heros, he saw Hulk looking like he was getting ready to shove over the large in Central Square, the civilians nearby looking on in fear and horror.
Acting fast, Spider-Man fired several web lines to keep the tree upright, making Hulk follow the stands to their source and glare at the teenager.
“Get lost, bug! Go back to tormenting the underworld crooks!” Hulk roared and leaped into the air, aimed at the side of the building Spider-Man was perched on and trying to secure the web lines.
Spider-Man dove out of the way and watched the massive green giant crash through the building, fortunately not disrupting the bulk of the lines that stopped the gigantic tree from falling over.
“Better secure the tree while the big guy is gone!” Spider-Man said he used his web wing to glide down and get into position to push the tree fully back into the upright position. The only thing stopping him was his spider-sense and several people screaming, “Behind you!”
Spider-Man backflipped into the air and saw a familiar shield flying past, the red, white, and blue object bouncing off the tree, damaging branches as it bounced back to its owner’s hand, another familiar hero at his side.
“Oh, hey Cap, Ms. M…I know I got the whole menace rep, but-ah!” Spider-Man started to say, thinking the attack was due to them thinking he had been causing the chaos but was cut off by Ms. Marvel sending out an embiggened punch, the massive first coming forward as the arm stretched.
“Save it, Spider-Jerk! It’s bad enough you pull all those stunts with MODOC, but now you’re trying to stop us from fixing the holidays?!” Ms. Marvel stated as she shifted from punching to trying to grab Spider-Man once he dodged her attack, but the boy was slippery due to his speed and agility.
“A what dock? And what does attacking a Christmas Tree have to do with saving the most magical time of the year?” Spider-Man asked, not liking hearing ANOTHER part of his life was possibly wrecked by Otto’s actions as him, going by the Spider-Jerk comment.
“It’s a symbol of corporate greed, solider. Now stand down, or we will make you!” Captain America answered in place of Ms. Marvel, throwing his shield to cut the web lines keeping the massive tree up, but Spider-Man was quick to use a new one to keep all from being severed. The remaining few held…all be it, Spider-Man could tell they were straining.
“Okay, I’m officially confiscating this until you learn to play with your toys responsibly, Cap!” Spider-Man said as he pulled the shield to his own hand; the two Avengers gave death glares at ‘stealing’ the iconic weapon.
“You were ordered to stand down, soldier. Comply or else. Ms. Marvel, giant size is authorized; end this so we can finish the objective,” Captain America stated coldly, the polymorph grinning at the command as she grew in size.
Spider-Man gulped as the youngest Avenger was now taller than the tree he was defending, Ms. Marvel’s shadow looming over him as he looked upward.
‘Okay…this escalated to nearly impossible…how do I…” Spider-Man thought right before a roar was heard, and Hulk landed back into the fray after his first leap.
Spider-Man looked up at the snow-filled sky and thought, ‘Why do you hate me?’
-
At Avengers Tower, Iron Man watched the battle unfold on one of his monitors before looking to Black Widow, who had entered the monitoring room at that moment, and saying, “Why are you not heading out to help? You seem to have the best track record with knocking out spider-powered teens.”
Black Widow’s response was to make another monitor show the newly formed ‘Spider Team’ tied up in their own webs in a cell at the tower’s lower levels.
“Osborn, Morales, and girls would have interfered with Operation White Out if I was not here to stop them. If the others are not enough to put down the new and improved Spider-Man, you’ll need me to watch your back,’ Black Widow responded cooly, getting an impressed whistle from Iron Man.
“Did not know ‘Hobgoblin’ was in town. I was expecting the other three to show up, but not him. I wonder what has him back from Europe,” Iron Man commented before going to his work, causing snow storms to disrupt holiday travels. Maybe a little separation would make people see the holidays for what they were for and for the commercial reasons.
-
In Times Square, Spider-Man struggled with a raging Hulk and two massive hands of Ms. Marvel from turning him into a squashed spider. The shield of Captain America helped stop some of Hulk’s blows, but the young hero needed to keep moving or risk getting grabbed by Ms. Marvel.
“You two need to coordinate, or you’ll nev…hmph!” Captain America called out, only to get face covered in webbing from Spider-Man. The last thing the spider-themed hero needed was for the tactical one to get the heavy hitters on a game plan.
“You little punk!” “You jerk!” Hulk and Ms. Marvel yelled, the giant polymorph bringing her hands down on Spider-Man’s location, but missed as he swung out of the way, only to have a ‘Hulk smash’ come down them by accident when her green teammate tried the same idea.
“OOOOOWWWWW!” Ms. Marvel yelled as she shrunk back down so she could let her healing factor heal the broken bones of Hulk’s blow, Hulk pausing for a moment from the accident.
“ You okay, shrimp?” Hulk asked, mildly concerned, getting a glare from the girl, which left him open to Spider-Man landing behind him. He was praying his crazy idea would work.
“Let the vibranium bells ring!” Spider-Man yelled as he used 100% power to smash the shield against the back of Hulk’s head. The green Goliath looks woozy as he slowly turns around to phase the now very terrified hero.
“I’ll smash you…you…little…” Hulk said slurred before falling forward, out cold and slowly reverting to Bruce Banner.
“I can’t believe that worked,” a surprised Spider-Man said while Ms. Marvel gawked at seeing the strongest of them go down.
Knowing Spider-Man could not let the opening slip by, he said, “Ms. M, catch!” before tossing her the shield in a casual frisbee throw.
As the Inhuman caught it clumsily in her confusion, leaving her open to getting webbed up heavily, Spider-Man was surprised the improved web cartridges did not run dry in the processes. Let alone the fact the webbing was so strong, Ms. Marvel could not break free no matter how much she tried embiggening.
“You jerk! Let me out of-hmph!”Ms. Marvel started to say before a web shot gagged her, the j-word getting under the other teen’s skin.
“Swear, if I hear the word jerk one time today, I’m giving myself the gift of hanging Ock by his underwear from a…oh god, I think one of Otto’s bullies did that. Note to self: find a hero with psychic powers and ask them to check for errors caused by constant mind-swapping,” Spider-Man grumbled, getting two muffled voices saying something; one was from Ms. Marvel’s direction while the other was coming from right behind him, so Spider-Man spun on his heel and uppercut Captain America so hard the super-soldier was sent several feet into the air before crashing to the ground a heap.
With the last Avenger down, Spider-Man makes sure the tree is safely upright again and makes sure Bruce Banner and Captain America are webbed up; the police who had arrived earlier look unsure what to do.
“Um…any clue why they went crazy on us?” one officer asked Spider-Man, who just shrugged while replying, “Next on my list to do…after I figure out why the beam from the tower is starting a snowstorm.”
With that, Spider-Man headed for the tower again, hoping to figure out what caused this strange behavior to ruin the holidays and the Avenger’s reputation.
-
As Spider-Man arrived at the tower, he needed to wallcrawl to the upper floors, getting stopped at the two-thirds point due to sniper fire.
“Gee, I wonder who that could be?” Spider-Man grumbled as he tried to triangulate the energy beams’ trajectory; the few that grazed him made Spider-Man note a numbing feeling. Black Widow was at least not using lethal force.
‘So, being anti-Christmas does not mean evil, at least. And the spot is… mid-air…oh…yeah. Cloaking tech is one of her things,’ Spider-Man thought as he found a spot in the middle of the sky, the heavy snow starting to collect on a large object.
Spider-Man quickly shattered an office window of the Stark Inc. portion of Avengers Tower, making Black Widow wonder how strong the young man was from her cloaked craft. She knew Iron Man and made nearly shattered-proof glass for the building.
“Stark, Spider-Man has breached the building to avoid my fire and is probably heading your way. Watch your…what?!” Black Widow started calling into her ear comm, but she was shocked when she saw a red and blue fire from the broken window.
The former Red Room assassin did not suspect Spider-Man had entered the building to gain a launch for a web sling, not to avoid fire, which had him aimed right at her location.
Black Widow was so caught off guard she got a double-knuckle sandwich to the face since she did not have time to close her stealth craft’s door, knocking her out and letting Spider-man take control head for the penthouse level without fear of any other surprises.
-
“Widow? Widow! Respond! What is happening out there?” Iron Man demanded, but the snow caused the cameras to have issues seeing much at this point.
Iron Man rushed to the ‘family’ room where the balcony was visible and saw the stealthcraft Black Widow had used decloaking, with Spider-Man dragging the unconscious redhead behind him.
“Hey, Mr. Stark. I got you a present, though you can’t unwrap it until you stop the snowstorm outside,” Spider-Man joked as he entered the room, Iron Man glaring at the young hero through his helmet.
“One, presents are borderline evil, and two, you should be on our side. You’ve been on a coal-handing-out spree for months. Did this overrated commercial for a ‘holiday’ accidentally brainwash you back into being your less effective self?” Iron Man retorted, only getting even madder when Spider-Man snorted at these words.
“Isn’t Stark Industries supplying so much tech and products that you are one of the top earners during this holiday you are trying to wreck? The same company that helps you fund this team and save the world regularly?” Spider-Man countered, making Iron Man seem he had another comeback, but the billionaire then seemed like he was proverbially blue-screening.
Seeing his chance, Spider-Man dashed forward and socked Iron in the face so hard his helmet shattered, the veteran hero out cold as he skidded across the floor.
“Well, that confirms something odd is up if the world’s top futurist did not consider any of that. Either that or my impulsiveness is contagious,” Spider-Man commented as he headed for the nearest computer, only to stop when his spider-sense kicked in and dodged a green blast from…Santa Claus?
“Not very festive of you to prevent my helpers from restoring Christmas to its true purpose, young man,’ the red and white clad ‘old’ man said, while Spider-Man gave him the ‘serously?’ expression.
“Okay, buddy, what is your deal? Parents never gave you gifts as a kid? Scrooge/Grinch by nature? Alien from outer space that does not get the idea? Am I getting close yet?” Spider-Man asked skeptically, casually dodging other green energy beams, much to Santa Claus’ annoyance.
“Allow my magic to reveal the truth-ah!” Santa started to say in annoyance but got a face full of webbing, causing him to stagger back, and Spider-Man moved in to restrain the man.
“Yeah, magic, like that is a thi…” Spider-Man said as he moved to grab ‘Santa’ by the wrist, only to get backhanded and sent flying across the room and crashing into a wall.
Spider-Man was still dazed when Santa approached him, the finger now placed against the young hero’s forehead.
“Time to free you of the false pretenses of this time of year. With you on my side, my plans will…what?!” Santa started to say, pleased when he saw the lenses of Spider-Man’s mask show a faint green glow behind them, only for the young hero to grab his wrist and pull him downward for an uppercut.
As ‘Santa’ staggered back from the blow, Spider-Man shook his hand like that blow hurt his hand a bit.
“Ouch, what is that jaw of yours made of, reinforced steel? Oh, and don’t bother messing with my head, please. Last year, I got mind-controlled, and I just got my body back from a mind-swapping yesterday. The same guy caused both, actually,” Spider-man said as he followed up with a few right and left hooks before ‘Santa could recover, the last one knocking the man on his butt, and his form changed to that of Loki.
“Oh, so that explains so much. I am still not sure about ‘magic’, but Thor’s baby brother is causing trouble I can’t believe that there is a Santa Claus,” Spider-Man stated while Loki glared at him.
“Foolish mortal, you will not ruin my plan of getting revenge on the Avengers and Santa for last year!” Loki said as he raised a hand to fire more magic at the young hero, only for a blue beam to hit the trickster god, followed by an electrical discharge, both from different directions.
As Loki passed out from the surprise attack, Spider-Man looked toward Black Widow and Iron Man and saw both had woken from their K.O.s, and green mist was flowing away from their heads. The spy looked like she had only recently freed one arm from the webbing.
“I should have known Santa would not have gone out of his to give the Avengers an early Christmas gift…don’t look me like that Pajamas. Finding out Old Saint Nick is real will be the least weird thing you’ll find out in the hero business. I learned that the hard way last year,” Iron Man said as Spider-Man narrowed his eyes at the comment about Santa.
Before Spider-Man could retort, Black Widow cleared her throat and said, “Mindswapping comment from earlier, explain.”
Iron Man tensed at that part, while Spider-Man casually said, “Doc Ock ‘borrowed’ my body for the last few months, and I only got it back yesterday. Miles can confirm since he was helping me until the Venom symbiote attacked Horizon.”
-
In the holding area of Avengers Tower, the three members of the Spider-Team were finally getting free, thanks to the webbing, which was finally dissolving enough for them to break it, when Black Widow entered the area outside the forcefield with an unconscious Loki in tow.
“Good news, Spider-Man freed us from the mind control, so I apologize for the beating I gave you four earlier. The bad news is Morales needs to explain why he did not contact us about the mind swapping between Peter Parker and Otto Octavius and the second round of mind control he used on Spider-Man to make him so aggressive over the last few months,” Black Widow stated as she narrowed her eyes at the second Spider-Man, while there was a course of ‘what?!’ from others in the cell.
Spider-Man was not thrilled about the ‘slight’ change to the story, but he trusted the super spy knew what she was doing to help with the damage control. Not that he had much choice since he was given one last job to do so he could get home before it was too late into Christmas Eve. Iron Man would usually be tasked with getting other Avengers out of jail, but the billionaire needed to fix the man-made snowstorms.
-
At the special holding facility, Bruce Banner was still nursing a headache as Ms. Marvel explained to him what happened from his cell next to hers. At the same time, Captain America tried to say the strange energy/mist they gave off was proof they were in their right minds again, but the guards were cautiously skeptical until Chief Wantabee and Spider-Man entered their room.
“Release the Avengers, guards. Spider-Man brought proof we have Loki to blame for their actions,” The police chief instructed, much to everyone’s relief.
As Captain America got, he rubbed his jaw, showing it was still sore, and said, “Thanks for clearing things up, soldier. However, I must ask, how did Ms. Marvel get off easy during our fight? I get I was still a threat and was planning on hitting you from behind, but that uppercut seemed more like the other ‘you’ would have done.”
“Huh? What do you mean? I pretty much gave everyone at least one good punch today. Hulk got the shield to the head. You got the uppercut. Widow got the slingshot punch. Iron Man got a helmet-breaking blow, Loki got a barrage…wait…I did nothing but the web up Ms. Marvel…um…I plead the 5th?” Spider-Man said as he tried to think about what he had done to his friend, but he drew a blank since the Hulk was the only one to hit her in that fight, which was an accident.
As Captain America raised an eyebrow at this, Ms. Marvel put her aim over Spider-Man and said, “So I got l lucky and was the only one not getting socked by Spidey today; let’s focus on the more important issue. Was it aliens? Please tell me it was aliens that went messing with your mind. I want an ‘I told you so’ with Tony later.”
Spider-Man let out a series of stutterers that made Ms. Marvel roll her eyes at her friend’s usual antics around her while Captain America gave the boy a knowing look. Bruce whispered to Chief Watanbee, “Any mistletoe can we lead those two under? Hopefully, at least one will get a clue.”
The two teens were confused as the police chief started laughing, followed by the guards watching the scene.
-
Outside, Santa was hanging some of the vert mistletoe over the entrance before returning to his slay with a tied-up and gagged Loki, who squirmed against his restraints in vain.
“Give it up, Loki. The only place you’re going to is to see your father and brother after I’m done my rounds,’ The jolly figure said as he set off for his next stop. Even with his powers, it would be a long night, letting Loki build up dread with every moment of facing Odin’s wrath for going after Santa two years in a row.