Chapter Text
December 1
Bobby half-heartedly tried to decorate for Christmas. But all he could think of was the lawsuit Buck served him a few weeks ago. He’d be angry and frustrated with the younger man any other time of the year but pulling a stunt like this so close to the holidays added an extra layer. Bobby’s anger was amplified but so was this somber feeling he couldn't quite place.
Buck loved the holidays, he enjoyed gift-giving even something as small as a card he'd put the effort into. The firehouse feels less jolly and colder than a typical LA winter. Not that the others don’t like Christmas but Buck was always the most enthusiastic one for the holidays, decorating the firehouse and baking cookies in between calls. Everything just felt so off-kilter since Buck broke his leg then the tsunami and now the lawsuit.
Speaking of cards and the Firehouse, the annual Christmas card was scheduled for next week, and Bobby's stomach churned at the idea. He was still mad at Buck and maybe it serves him right that he won't be there for the picture. Sure in the grand scheme of things Buck had only been at the 118 for three years a lot less time than Chim and Hen, but Buck had been there almost as long as Bobby had been Caption, so Buck not being in the Christmas card was painful for him. Even if Bobby wouldn't admit it.
“Bobby… Bobby, are you alright?”Athena's voice came from behind him.
“What?” Bobby asked, confused, turning around to look at Athena.
“Are you alright, you've been looking at that string of Christmas lights like they personally wronged you for being so tangled”, Athena joked lightly and Bobby stood with a furrowed brow.
He sighed and walked over to the couch throwing the lights into the bin. “Sorry just not in a festive mood I guess” he huffed plopping down onto the couch.
“And I'll take it it isn't the lights that have you being a Scrooge this holiday season” Athena sighed joining her husband on the couch. “Observant as always, Sargent,” Bobby joked lightly. The two let the silence linger for a few moments.
“Buck?”Athena asked finally, her tone steady, which made Bobby a little angry. How could she not be mad at Buck, why does she still say his name so calmly as if he's not trying to ruin the 118, ruin Bobby?
“Is it that oblivious”, he grumbled, Athena sighed “Seeing as we were just served a few weeks ago, there's not a very long list as to what you could be mad about”, she explained.
“Why aren't you more mad at him? You keep acting like everything is fine but it's not. He’s suing me, do you know what that could do to our family Thena” Bobby raved standing from the couch to pace.
Athena sat silently for a moment, choosing her words carefully. “I am mad, and in the beginning I was downright furious with Buck. But I can understand why he did it, I can only imagine if my commanding officer prevented me from returning to my job, which I love out of her own selfish desire. I can see why Buck might take this course of action”, she explained.
Bobby wanted to argue that he wasn't being selfish but Athen raised a hand as she counted to speak. “And I know Buck, he'd never hurt anyone, especially hurt you intentionally. He's got a good heart but when have you ever known Buck to think things through? Hmm” She finished watching Bobby intently.
“Almost never”, Bobby sighed running a hand down his face, “But he's a grown man and should have learned by now that actions have consequences. I'm not his father” he argued, continuing his pacing.
“Well you weren't treating him much like a grown man when you refused to allow him to return to work” Athena argued back.
“Can we drop this please” Bobby snapped walking into the kitchen, Athena following quickly behind. “Okay, continue to stay mad at that boy, I won't tell you how to feel. But you're going to face the music, if this is worth staying angry over or forgiving Buck, eventually” she conceded before walking off to their room.
Bobby looked at their sparingly decorated living room and sighed defeated. He'd try decorating another time and decided to start on dinner.
Dec 4
Entering the station this morning was odd. None of the decorations were put up and no Christmas music was blasting from the loft. After putting his duffle away Bobby claimed the stairs to start making breakfast. As he cooked, he watched the rest of the 118 trickle in.
“Hey Cap, no cookies?”, Chimney joked scanning the kitchen. “I’m busy making you lot breakfast, make them yourself”, Bobby shot back light heartedly.
“I am not allowed near the oven after last time”, Chim reminded Bobby, causing the rest of the team to laugh. “How can we forget, you're lucky a fire station is the best place to have a fire”, Hen chuckled.
“Hey! There wasn't even a fire, I just burnt some mac n cheese. It's not my fault Buck wasn't clear on his instructions after half hazardly yelling them as he got off shift” Chim countered.
The laughter quickly died down at the mention of Buck, the atmosphere now stiff and awkward. Bobby continued to make breakfast, mood now a bit soured.
“Well I’m not much help with baking Christmas cookies but I can help decorate. It’s four days into December and not one stocking or string of light in sight”, Chime said with a forced cheeriness, breaking the silence.
No one said anything else and just went about doing their own thing. Chimney began running around the firehouse looking for the Christmas decorations. And eventually after 15 odd minutes of looking, finding nothing. Defeated, he returned upstairs.
“Cap, where are all the decorations? I know we have loads”, Chim asked slightly winded.
“Are they not in storage out back?” Bobby asked, confused. “Obviously not, that’s the first place I check”, Chimney explained. “Who decorated last year?”, Hen asked innocently.
Eddie sighed, “Buck did” he muttered a bit venomously. Bobby went rigid as he began washing the dishes. He knew the crew would probably drop the subject there and he was more than happy to leave the topic alone as well.
But it was Christmas time and he didn’t want this lawsuits affecting any of them as much as it was effecting him. “Yeah know what I will find those decorations for you Chim don’t worry”, Bobby said quickly abandoning the dishes.
“Eh don’t worry about I Cap, the station is mostly red so it’s already festive”, Chim tried to argued. But Bobby wasn’t taking any of it. He might not be in the holiday spirit but he didn’t want it to affect the rest of his crew. So he’d play Happy Firehouse Family if need be.
“Nonsense, you're right it’s the holidays and the Christmas card is being taken later today so it would be a shame to not have at least a reef hung up”, Bobby said quickly in a strained jolly tone. Before anyone could protest he was ready to make his way down stairs.
After ten minutes Bobby sighed with frustration. Not just from the lack of decorations. But running around just gave him more time to think about everything that needed to be done. He needed to find the decorations, clean the station and trucks for the pictures, and make cookies.
Now the 118 crew were amazing firefighters and great at their job. But when it came to the nonessential chores or voluntary assignments none were ever too keen on doing them.
All expect Buck.
Buck wasn't always keen on doing them at first either but he was always the first to fold. And then eventually he seems to enjoy these tasks and nowadays put up very little fight.
Bobby knows it irrational, he's the reason Buck isn't at work right now helping out. But he was still mad at the younger man for leaving him with all of the Christmas baggage.
After another five minutes of looking around Bobby was teetering on maybe shooting Buck a text to ask. Until finally Bobby remembered something Buck had said last year.
“Cap between Halloween, easter, 4th of July, etc… We have way too many Christmas decorations. They need their own space”, Buck explained running into Bobby's office December 30. “I can't even find the New Year's stuff”, He joked.
“Buck we have the one storage unit out back. I don't know what to tell you”, Bobby shrugged.
“Um I think there's an empty closet next to the locker room can I use that?”, Buck asked. Bobby thought for a second.
“If you're very sure it's not being used then go ahead knock yourself out”, Bobby smiled as Buck retreated quickly.
Bobby applauded himself for remembering and strode over to the closet. And he was rewarded with a closet full of Christmas decorations.
“HEY CHIM I FOUND THEM” Bobby hollered up to the loft.
••••••
Maybe it was the exhaustion of the day or maybe a trick of the light but as all the firefighters gathered out front for the Christmas card photo. Bobby could have sworn he saw Buck round the corner across the street.
But maybe that was just wishful thinking and Buck was perfectly fine on his own. He was probably out somewhere not even thinking about the Christmas card.
Dec 15
Bobby pushed his shopping cart leisurely, having a rare moment of peace. It was his day off and he only needed to worry about grabbing groceries for his family and not the whole station. Maybe this grocery store was a bit out of his way but he had his preferences.
And if was obvious someone else had grown a preference for the store's selection as well.
He had rounded the corner into the bread aisle, Bobby was caught right in the path of Buck. The ladder was like a deer in headlights and looked damn near ready to run. Perhaps old habits die hard and maybe a part of Bobby wanted to talk to Buck after so long.
“Buck”, Bobby greeted naturally with a nod. Buck was confused for a moment at Bobby, seemingly normal, albeit colder greeting than usual. The younger man looked behind him as if Bobby hadn’t been addressing him.
“Um hey,” Buck waved awkwardly, tossing the protein tortillas into his basket. “How’s it um how’s it going”, he asked.
“Good. Business as usual you know”, Bobby replied stiffly. Buck looked like he wanted to say something more when they were interrupted by an employee bringing stock into the aisle.
“Good morning Bobby”, she said, pushing her palette. Bobby smiled widely at the teen. Buck watched an almost pained looked on his face but Bobby tried not to care.
“Morning Lily. How’s the holiday rush been treating you”, he asked.
“Not so bad so far because we're a small store”, she replied, “Some Christmas dinner shopping”, Lily asked looking at his cart.
“Yes, I’m getting the shelf stable things right now but I’ll be back sometime to get the produce fresh”, Bobby explained. He spared a glance at Buck who was still standing there awkwardly.
Lily followed his gaze to Buck. “Do you know each other?” she asked innocently. Buck's face flashed with nervousness and was going to reply but Bobby beat him to it.
“Coworker”, Bobby shrugged simply. Buck looked very hurt at the brief introduction. Lily turned back to Buck.
“Buck um nice to meet you, Lily… I’m gonna go, bye”, he said rushing past the two of them out of the aisle.
The teen shot a confused look at Bobby. Bobby just shook his head as he watched Buck race to the registers to check out.
Dec 22
Bobby got off of shift early in the morning and was pulling up to the house. With his duffle slung over shoulder he was tired and ready to get some rest for the next two days before his shift on Christmas.
He went to unlock the door when his eyes wandered to their full mailbox. It was probably mostly junk but before Bobby decided to lazily leave it there another day, he grabbed it.
Walking into the house he flipped through the magazines, bills, holiday catalogs and a few more Christmas cards.
Suddenly Bobby stopped in the middle of the stairs. Staring at him was Buck smiling back at him. He seemed to be on a hiking trail probably in LA somewhere.
Gazing at the photo Bobby felt a mixture of bitterness and sympathy. Bitterness was the obvious emotion but really it was more sympathy than anything. After the grocery store incident Bobby was feeling less and less anger and more and more guilt.
Buck had spent about a year on the bench and truthfully he could have been at work a couple of months ago. But Bobby couldn’t. He just couldn’t let himself sign off on having Buck return. If the kid got hurt one more time on his watch, he wasn’t sure what he’d do with himself.
Looking at smiling face, there was something more behind his expression. Not just Bucks regal brand of happiness but there was this determination and accomplishment in his eyes. If this was taken a few months ago that means Buck was finally given the go ahead to walk regularly. And his PT was reduced dramatically.
So Buck was very determined to get back into shape. And no matter how much anyone protested or told Buck to take it easy the man wouldn’t sit still anymore.
Looking at this outfit, Bobby knew it was taken at the end of Buck's first solo hike after he’d broken his leg. He had texted Bobby similar pictures and he had been so proud of himself. At the time Bobby was also really proud of him too. Even if he still was a big ball of nerves when he learned Buck would be hiking alone.
Countless doctors appointments and rough PT sessions had led to that moment. It made sense that Buck wanted to show people how he was doing after the accident. That was probably a few days before the disastrous welcome back party they had held for Buck. And then a few weeks later the tsunami hit. And a lot of his progress had been whipped away.
Bobby shoved the photo in the junk drawer feeling unruffled guilt. And like he was soumond, Buck texted in the abandoned group chat.
“Sorry about the Christmas cards they were sent out early” was all he said. Probably knowing the crew might not be pleased with his smiling face greeting them in the mail after all the information Buck had given his lawyer about their personal lives.
Dec 24
Christmas Eve was peaceful. The kids would arrive from their fathers in a few hours and Athen was off for the next two days. So they were in their own little world this morning. The two drink coffee and watch whatever was on the TV.
That was until his phone started to ring.
Bobby sat up from the couch to reach for his phone on the table. The caller ID was Buck. Bobby ignored it. A few minutes later the phone rang again. Bobby ignored it again.
On the third call, Athena shot Bobby a look. Bobby debated for a minute but then decided to call Buck back. After a few rings it went straight to voicemail, now Bobby was annoyed.
“Buck it’s Christmas Eve, you called me three times and when I called you back, you don’t wanna answer. Whatever, look just for today…please don't call.”, Bobby sighed as he left the younger man a message.
He turned to his wife who was glaring at him for the message he left Buck. Bobby knew Athena was mad at how cold he was acting towards the other man. Without saying anything she left for their bedroom. Bobby sighed and sagged into the couch.
Looking at his phone Bobby noticed that he had a voice mail. It was for Buck, he pressed play.
“Um I’m sorry Bobby. Really for everything, not just the lawsuit but everything before even. I was always reckless and s-stubborn , probably took a couple years off your life”, Buck's voice was weak and shaken.
“Not really sure why I’m calling ha. Maybe it's just the holiday season or the loneliness but I guess I just want to get a few things off my chest. I know I have no one to blame for my current situation but myself and I’m sorry I blamed you for anything.”Buck now sounded like he was crying.
“But um anyways Merry Christmas I miss you, Bobby, and Eddie, Chim, Hen, Athena. I just miss everyone”, Buck hung up but the end sounded like he began to sob.
This wasn’t good. That voice mail wasn’t good at all. Bobby had a sick feeling pool in his stomach. Buck didn’t say anything about hurting himself but he sure could be planning something. Anger be damned, he's gonna go find his kid.
“Athena I’m leaving”, Bobby said, quickly bursting into the room and grabbing a jacket. “Where the hell are you going”, she sighed looked up from her phone,
“Buck left me a voicemail and it doesn’t sound like he’s doing too good. Gonna go find him before he does anything stupid” He said pulling his shoes on. At the mention of Buck possibly being a danger to himself, Athena was up in action.
“I’m coming with you”, she said, getting up to get dressed. “Athena the kids are gonna be here in few and I don’t want to ruin their Christmas eve”, Bobby tried to argue, “Then we better find him fast and have him over here before them” Athena challenged and Bobby stopped arguing.
The two were quick to get into Athena’s car and pull out of the driveway. Their first stop was Bucks loft. As they made their way up the hallways to his unit nothing seemed out of the ordinary.
Bobby knocked and unsurprisingly there was no answers. He then pulled out his keys to grab Bucks spare but when he tried the door handle it easily opened. He looked over to Athena face twist with who worried at the fact his door was unlocked.
They entered and saw nothing immediately alarming at first. “Buck?” Bobby yelled into the empty loft. He tracked up the stairs, to his bedroom seeing it was messy and unkempt. The bathroom door was wide open and Buck wasn’t inside.
“He’s not here”, Bobby said words laced with worry.
“He couldn’t have gone far, look he left his keys here and wallet”, Athena explained as Bobby walked downtown the stairs, she held up his keys with the ridiculous amount of keys and keychains.
“So we split up and go down the street and hopefully we find him”, Bobby said, leading Athena out of Bucks apartment. “Should we call the others and ask them to help”, she asked, locking the door behind her.
“No no we got this, it’s Christmas eve and can’t intrude on their family time. Maybe just call Eddie and Maddie let them know what up I’m sure they’d like to k-“, Bobby stopped talking as he saw both Maddie and Eddie rush into the lobby of Bucks apartment building.
The four just stared for a moment.
“He’s not here”, Bobby said, breaking the silence.
The two facecual expression grew more worried.
“Where could he be, I talked to him a couple days ago and he seems a bit off but I didn’t think he was going to do something stupid”, Maddie explained seemingly on the edge of tears.
“He couldn't have gone far, he left his car keys, let's all go in one direction and see if we can find him”, Athena said, bringing out her no nonsense tone knowing that at least one of them needed to be calm.
They all ran out of the lobby and without any words all chose a direction to go from the intersection. Bobby went north and saw Athen go south., Maddie went west, while Eddie went east.
Bobby jogged a good mile before having to slow to a brisk walk. He stayed on the main street while looking down the side streets hoping Buck didn't veer off onto one. A few minutes ago it began to rain and he was so grateful he put on a jacket.
Passing the two-mile mark Bobby was starting to lose hope the rain would ease up and he'd still hadn't found Buck. Bobby sat on the curb for a bit and watched the cars pass. He's near damn ready to give up.
Buck is like this because of him. He didn't let him back to work when he said he was ready. Bobby iced him out because of the lawsuit and everyone else took his lead. They had left Buck to stew in his loneliness and it's clear it morphed into a much more serious situation. Bobby was going to lose another kid because of his selfish actions once again.
No. No, he wont allowed it.
Bobby got back up and started walking again and this time with even more purpose. Out of a hunch, Bobby went down a side street that led towards the LA river because Bucked liked to run beside it most mornings
Bobby broke into a sprint as he saw a figure stopped at the railing of the bridge looking down at the river.
“BUCK!”