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“He's really been bursting with adoration for you recently, so it's a little sad to see you two not gettin’ along…”
“Yeah…don't you think that recently, Hikaru has gotten really attached to ya?”
“Just make up already!!”
The monster possessing Hikaru had stayed home from school that day, an occurrence so out of the ordinary that even their friends were starting to notice that something was wrong. Yoshiki struggled to concentrate in class, the events of the day prior hanging over him heavily.
He knew that there was no way around another confrontation between him and ‘Hikaru’, but…for once, Yoshiki wasn't looking forward to the end of class. It was decided, though. Before going home, he would pay ‘Hikaru's’ house a visit.
“Hello, Mrs Indou. Is Hikaru awake..?”
“Ah, Yoshiki! Are you here to bring over his homework? He should be awake in his room right now.”
The middle aged woman smiled and turned around. “HIKARU! Yoshiki's here to see yaa!” He's definitely awake now , Yoshiki thought.
Yoshiki stood still in front of the closed door for a minute. His thoughts were going all over the place again, but the main thing he just couldn't stop thinking about was that thing .
He had seen it before, outside that store where he had first found out.
But seeing it deform Hikaru's face, as if his flesh was nothing but play dough for the monster to mess with, had been the worst thing Yoshiki had ever seen in his entire life. Worse than any horror movie or gorey video online. He would've thrown up, if not for the insane shock and fear of being swallowed up by that disgusting mass.
Most embarrassing of all though…for some reason, it hadn't felt as horrible as he had thought it would. No. It felt good.
He pushed the door open and made sure to properly close it behind him. There it was. ‘Hika– no, the creature was hidden underneath its blanket and huddled in a corner. As Yoshiki moved towards it, he couldn't help but wonder if that sadness was genuine or just an act.
But, thinking of what had happened…perhaps those emotions were real. That childish, snot faced look of utter devastation on Hikaru's face…it was not something it could've faked. Yoshiki had never even seen Hikaru make a pathetic face like that before.
“‘Hikaru’...I'm sorry about what happened yesterday.”
He wasn't lying. As much as this situation was fucked up and wrong, he did feel sorry for upsetting the creature like that…it was so childish and he had hurled those painful words at it with no care at all.
“....Why are ya the one sayin’ sorry? Yoshiki…” The voice sounded sad and broken. Had the monster been crying since yesterday?? Wow. Yoshiki felt like a dick.
“I-I went way too far yesterday…so, I'm sorry..for sayin’ those things..” Yoshiki wished it wasn't so god damn hot in this room. He was already feeling uncomfortable enough in his own skin.
“Why..I-I'm the one who should be…I..I'm the one who almost…I almost…” The monster seemed to struggle even saying what its transgression was out loud.
Yoshiki didn't know why, but he instinctively reached towards the dark hole that ‘Hikaru’ was hiding behind. A hand suddenly emerged from it, causing Yoshiki to flinch back involuntarily. Of course, he immediately regretted not paying more attention.
“SEE?! N-Now you're all scared of me, aren't ya…? I'm sorry..!”
Yoshiki didn't think ‘Hikaru’ could sound even more sad. But as he looked closer, he could see his tearful wet eyes in the shadow of the blanket.
“N-No, I'm not,, really, it's–”
“Yer lyin’...I-I know I'm real disgusting. I-I don't want you to see it. Me lookin’ like that, it makes me so damn… ashamed .” The shape inside of the blanket leaned forward in an apologetic and shame-filled manner.
“O-Oh, that? ” Yoshiki was trying his best to sound calm. “Please don't worry…ya don't need to feel like that over what I said..”
“Yoshiki, I'm so sorry…do you hate me now?”
Ah… Part of Yoshiki was surprised that the monster must've genuinely believed he had liked it before yesterday. He didn't think he had put on a particularly good show of tolerating it after finding out, but to think it had genuinely believed them to be friends…it made Yoshiki feel even worse about being so mean.
Just as he was looking down and stuck in his own head again, the blanket was suddenly torn away and ‘Hikaru's’ red face was right in front of his.
“Y'know, Y-Yoshiki…I'd be so happy just being with ya…”
The boy's frowning, tear stained face was so close that Yoshiki could taste the salt. He quickly realized that it was now impossible for him to move as the sweat rolled down his face and his eyes moved in between ‘Hikaru's’ grey eyes and lips. Those lips looked soft and unblemished, despite his otherwise ruined face.
Then, he watched as ‘Hikaru’ began to completely break down again.
“I-I PROMISE, I'll never do those things a-again! Ya can m-meet with other people a-and I won't say nothin’, just…just please–! I REALLY DON'T WANT YA TO H-HATE ME!”
Yoshiki was sure that a little bit of spit hit his cheek as ‘Hikaru’ sobbed so loudly that anyone standing by the door would've heard. But Yoshiki was still completely paralyzed and unable to reply or do anything at all.
It was at that moment, as ‘Hikaru's’ head slumped against his chest and a small whisper left him that something in Yoshiki was permanently changed. It was as if a switch in him had been flicked, and there was no way of going back.
“I'm sorry for usin’ yer friend’s body for myself…and for forgettin’ my place like that…I shoulda known better…”
In that moment, all Yoshiki could feel for him was pure pity and affection . It was not a feeling new to him, that familiar and nauseating sensation of..of…
He's dangerous.
The horrifying image of incomprehensible moving patterns leaving Hikaru's body dead and motionless flashed in his mind.
He could've killed me. I know I shouldn't mess with this, but this…
Yoshiki felt a tear run down his own cheek. His hands inexplicably found their way into the soft and messy curls pressing up against him.
…why…this is really tugging at my heartstrings…I should hate him, but I just can't. I know he's not Hikaru, so why…
Staring into those puffy red eyes, Yoshiki couldn't hold back the smile that he wore over the ridiculousness of it all. His heart felt so full and heavy, even if this person was technically a total stranger. His face was Hikaru's, yet he looked nothing like him.
But even though he…he had loved Hikaru, not this stranger…Yoshiki couldn't hold back his affection at that moment. One hand still in his hair, he allowed his other to hold ‘Hikaru's’ hand as he stroked along his veins with his thumb. ‘Hikaru’...he was also alive, wasn't he? A foreign being with human-like thoughts and feelings…someone he had to treat with the same dignity and respect he would hold for anyone.
However…he and ‘Hikaru’ already weren't strangers anymore.
“God,, you're really more of a lil’ dumbass than Hikaru…what do I do with you…”
“H-Hey…are ya allowed to say that?”
‘Hikaru’ sounded so confused that Yoshiki could laugh.
“Yeah, you're just like…a snot-nosed kid, who's scared ‘cuz he's lonely…I guess I couldn't see that before.”
‘Hikaru’ had a forlorn look on his face. To Yoshiki's surprise, that sadness suddenly turned to a somewhat amused smile.
“Lonely…so this feelin’..it's ‘loneliness’. Have I…always been lonely?”
“Guess so.” Yoshiki sighed with a smile. When he looked at ‘Hikaru’ again, the boy was tilting his head at him, holding back hesitant words on his lips. Whatever he wanted, Yoshiki felt confident that he could teach him and make him feel better.
“Yoshiki…you'll help me be less lonely then? I'm so happy…I don't know if I deserve that from ya…” ‘Hikaru’ wiped his face with his hand. He looked like he was about to cry again from happiness, so Yoshiki replied quickly.
“Yeah. Don't think about it too hard. Just see it as…me makin’ up for the nasty things I said.”
Yoshiki could barely bear how ‘Hikaru's’ expression made his stomach flip. Why did he feel so excited right now? Was he actually looking forward to getting to know the new Hikaru?
“Then, Yoshiki…c-could we hug? Please…?”
“U-Uh...sure, why not.” Yoshiki hadn't expected it, but saw no reason to reject the request, either. A hug's fine, right? No big deal…
Leaning forward a little, he allowed ‘Hikaru’ to complete the embrace. ‘Hikaru’ moved to hug him much more enthusiastically, wrapping both arms around his back and burying his face in the crook of his neck. Yoshiki could feel his warm breath against his neck and collarbone, it made the hairs on his back stand up within seconds. What's happening to me…I-I need to get it together. Yoshiki hated how he couldn't suppress those thoughts in friendly moments like this. It always made him feel so embarrassed.
“Yoshiki…” ‘Hikaru’ whispered against his neck. The way he was talking made the other boy extra alert.
“I'm so, so happy yer acceptin’ me…I don't know how to thank ya, but I really appreciate ya…”
His hold around him seemingly tightened. It reminded Yoshiki that he still wasn't hugging him back, so he finally did just that. ‘Hikaru's’ body felt smaller, but more toned than his own, and Yoshiki hated himself a little for noticing.
“It's okay…” Yoshiki sighed. “Just be yerself and talk to me about stuff. I'll try my best to communicate with ya…”
He really did want to try and listen to ‘Hikaru's’ troubles. If they could support one another…maybe things would work out, even in a bad situation like this.
“O-Okay. You're real sweet, Yoshiki…”
He could suddenly feel his breath hitting his chin as ‘Hikaru’ looked up, still not breaking apart from him. The boy was now closer than ever, studying Yoshiki's face with so much interest and adoration in his eyes. It made Yoshiki blush hard.
“Yer so pretty, Yoshiki…I just thought I'd tell ya what I'm thinkin’ right now..”
Haha… Yoshiki was in total disbelief. He wasn't totally sure, but was what he thought might be happening really happening right now? And why was he kind of okay with it…
‘Hikaru’ was pouting a little. “But I still think what I did was bad…ya shouldn't forgive me for losin’ control over my ugly side. I gotta learn to handle my emotions better…”
Yoshiki didn't know how to reply, he couldn't really breathe right now. It was like ‘Hikaru’ was stealing all his oxygen with how close he was. And when he was suddenly even closer , the rest of Yoshiki's brain seemed to stop working as well.
“I wanna make up for it…I hope you'll like this, Yoshiki…” His whisper mixed with Yoshiki's short breaths. The soft lips that Yoshiki had stared at for way too long were suddenly pressed against his own, gentle, and with a small taste of salt. He didn't mind that at all as his mouth opened a little and his eyes closed on their own.
A tongue shyly prodded his own, sending sparks of electricity through him. He hadn't expected ‘Hikaru’ to kiss like that, not that he had thought about it at all up until now, but it just hadn't seemed like something he'd know to do. Perhaps ‘Hikaru’ had actually been thinking about doing this, but there hadn't been any opportunity to, so now he had immediately jumped at the chance.
Thinking about ‘Hikaru’ liking him in that way made Yoshiki very flustered. He had never experienced this…someone else, another boy, liking him first. And although the circumstances were very extraordinary, he couldn't help but enjoy this kind of attention a little.
‘Hikaru’ finally separated from him, but one of his hands remained on Yoshiki's jawline. He traced along it with his fingers, smiling as he gazed into his eyes with zero shame. “You look like you liked it, Yoshiki…”
Ugh . This guy…he was going to kill him, but not in the way Yoshiki thought he would. No, he would die very soon from a sudden heart attack. How was he even supposed to reply to that? He couldn't even move his mouth.
Then, to his horror, Yoshiki watched as ‘Hikaru's’ eyes narrowed. With a cute little smile on his lips, he leaned in again for another kiss. This one was shorter, and Yoshiki breathed out with relief that he could finally try to use his brain now, but – that pause only lasted for a second.
Gentle lips met his own for a third time, but Yoshiki had already lost count of how many seconds it had been in total. And this time, he quickly blinked his eyes shut and found himself compelled to kiss back.
He couldn't really believe what they were doing, sure that it had to be nothing but a really embarrassing dream playing out in his mind.
But no– this was real, as evidenced by that little sting of pain and pleasure when ‘Hikaru’ bit down on his bottom lip. It almost felt like the monster was playing with him more out of its own curiosity rather than attempting to apologize.
Yoshiki finally managed to break free and tried to calm down his nerves and breathing. Hikaru simply looked at him, happy and satisfied.
“Did ya like it, Yoshiki…? I did…”
“U-Um…y-yeah..? ‘Hikaru’, please warn me next time…I'll need to mentally prepare, first…” This time it was Yoshiki leaning his head on the other one's shoulder.
That heavy sensation of adoration in his heart still hadn't left him, it was more unbearable now than before. Maybe he needed to lie down, just for a little…