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Penelope Bridgerton was tired of her day. She had written a little, had a meal, and read her book. She could eat bonbons. She could take a walk. She had a husband to bother. But she was pregnant, and she could not settle. She wanted things to be perfectly clean, even though the months before her labour made any perfection today irrelevant to the baby. She wasn't in pain or feeling badly.

She just could not settle. Maybe she needed a nap. She had adjusted her in the house wardrobe to be more loose and comfortable. She could go to bed in what she was wearing.
She looked at her bed. It was a happy place now, and full of memories of love. She would likely conceive her second child on that bed, though Colin was not one to let her get complacent. If she had a moment of doubt he was attracted to her, he would make sure that mystery was solved.

Her back hurt a little, and she wanted to flop back and languish in undeserved wallowing for a bit. She wanted to sprawl like she had just returned home from a disaster of a ball. It was nice to think back on those social failures from the steady ground of a good marriage.

She turned her back on the bed and put her hands on her belly, ready to really put herself into throwing her body backwards and onto the mattress. And her stomach lurched in a way that reminded her of months of being ill while the baby made a shambles of her insides. He was more at home now, and she didn't feel sick anymore. But Penelope didn't want to invite any indigestion back into her life.

She thought about doing a plain flop, but it wouldn't be satisfying. Part of the relief was flouncing into her bedroom, stomping about, then flinging herself to the forgiving mattress to be bounced a few times. She thought about her whole body bouncing and definitely felt her throat twitch. She couldn't even throw herself into bed. Lying down was not enough. There needed to be a rush of air and a safe fall.

"Colin!"

She tapped fingers on her belly, knowing he would find her. As she got rounder, he only seemed to be taller and faster. He would run to her like she was on fire. There were reserved biscuits for her, and her own pot of tea with a different temperature because she suddenly hated boiled anything. They drank cold soup varieties. He had sworn off brandy because the smell of the bottle open across the room made her weep that he hated her and the baby. His valet had to stop him from throwing the brandy down the well because it would break and there would be glass shards as well as diluted alcohol in their water. They were dramatic, and it was part of the reason they paid a little extra to the staff.

She was not a brave pregnant lady. She was a sappy, needy mess and he had signed up for her. Penelope gave him the credit he intended to follow through. She only called once, and gave him time to scramble to her location.

"Yes?! Pen! I am here," he said, rushing in with a scan of the room.

It amused her that he looked down when they had been apart, just in case the whole baby had slid out without a sound or a hint of trouble on her part and was making a stain on her shoes. He loved her very much and he was deeply invested in their baby.

"I am fine," Penelope told him. "I am irritable and I would like to sprawl on the bed, but I am not sure I can hop backwards and land as I would like. I am a little afraid to give myself a terrible backache."

He smiled. "I will help you lie down and pack pillows around you. You scared me. I thought there was something wrong."

Her labour was going to kill him. Penelope had been reading about it, and she would have to warn Colin. She thought he knew some things, but she was sure he needed to be reminded it was a ruthlessly beautiful thing to give life.

"I do not want to lie down gently. I need to be up in the air and then quickly down on the bed, as if I have been tossed there by the unseen hand of a giant," she said. "It is very important to have a good impact. I just feel that will make me sick, and I never want to do that again."

Colin was wary. "I do not know how to fix that. I can lift you and put you down, but I must be gentle because of the baby."

He was furrowed of brow and tense of shoulder. He wanted to please her so badly and sometimes there was just no way. Penelope shrugged. He could lift her and convey her swiftly to the bed on her back, but he would be gentle and she would be - rather unfairly to Colin - disappointed. Even when invited to throw her without the baby visible, he was only so ardent to toss her into bed.

"I think there is a switch. If you were to throw yourself back on the bed, I could come and sit on your lap and you could hold on to me and flip me down not so quickly. Medium speed, so I do not go dizzy and upset my stomach," she said. "My legs would be down already, so it is not so disorienting."

She had been sick on him a few times. Colin was never angry, but those were not fond memories. He had made sure to clean her up first and then to change his shirt. But there was a pair of boots still airing for the past four months, and she knew some shirts had been cut up to be repurposed.

But her dutiful husband came to stand next to the bed, and she waved him to go ahead. "You must throw yourself sideways across the mattress, and make sure it gives a good woomph as you are landing. Then I will sit on your lap and you can lower me down, too."

"Some women like jewelry," he said.

"Some women would have married a lord and turned their noses up at a Mr. Bridgerton. I have no desire to fall into the common taste. I have a need for finery that is not composed just from wealth."

She did not know how some wives with husbands out of the house all day managed. She would be so bored without Colin to keep her company. The baby would certainly be lovely, as well, but not for a while. She liked to have someone to gab with.

"Should I take off my boots?"

"No, they'll be hanging off the bed. And make sure you do a good leap. You want a nice flounce and a drop to the bed."

Colin looked at her with an edge. "My love, this is not the first time I have thrown myself into bed on a moody afternoon. I will do a good job of it. Mind your legs. I do not want to kick you."

She moved back and he lined up, flinging himself back and making a dull thud as he landed with a puff of bedding. There was a swirl of dust in the air, and she admired the way his limbs had propped out to the four crooked corners of his fall.

"I thought it would be more refreshing," Pen told him. "Can you do it again with more of a jump?"

Colin sat up. "I can try. I do not want to break the bed."

They had done worse in that bed. It was as sturdy as her husband, who was boxing now with his brothers to stay fit. Apparently it was the way to stave off sore arms from carrying large Bridgerton babies. She did not think that translated for her aches, but it was nice Colin was thinking of the baby as a real little person.

He planted his feet and tossed himself backwards, his arms flying out and his body almost too high. She held her breath. When she was very little she had jumped on her bed and bounced right off and over the footboard.

His huff of breath made her sure he hit the bed rather hard, but it was not the same as doing so herself. Penelope touched his knee and he sat up. "Was that better?"

Colin's arms went out to invite her to sit on his lap and be flopped down with him at a more moderate speed. She sighed. "It didn't really work," she told him. "I'm sorry. The thing is I want to do it myself but I know I cannot. So if you do it so I can watch I have to really feel it. Can you do it once more?”

He petted her side, and palmed the roundness of her pregnancy. “I will do it once more,” he said, raising his eyebrows. “The servants do think I am a degenerate who will not let my expectant wife rest a full day, and I worry they will start bringing around ministers and our mothers to scold me.”

She brushed back his hair, and he tipped his head back to let her. “If you started leaving me alone all day, I would weep a puddle on the rug,” Pen told him. “They would call the minister and our mothers back to ask you to bother me more. I like the way you bother me. And I cannot get pregnant now.”

There had been a few days after she told him about the baby when Colin was apologetic there was no delay between their marriage and their first baby. She was happy, and made sure he knew it was a good turn they knew they were quite capable of heirs. They could plan the next one.

“Once more,” he said. “Last time, though. I will not break this bed like the settee, and that clever chair. Or the lamp.”

Their servants were still trying to figure out how they had broken the standing lamp, and the answer was boring. She had kicked out and it had fallen across Colin’s back, so he had moved to avoid it. The lamps in their bedroom had been replaced with candles. Their nicer housewares were kept for the parlour and hallways, because in the study and the bedroom they seemed to suffer damage.

“It is too late to care about your reputation, Mr. Bridgerton. Kindly fling yourself bonelessly to my bed so I can imagine the rush of motion without causing a revolt in our child.”

She moved away so he could really let his limbs swing freely and take up all the space he needed. Colin nodded, and he must have jumped two feet. He flew and landed, the bed giving a soft burst of air like a bubble popping. Colin’s head was still bouncing when there was a woody crack and the whole bed leaned to one side. He gulped and she moved back further.

“Oh! Are you hurt?”

Colin stood up, which set off several broken sounds from the pieces of the bed hidden by the large draperies. “I am fine. I do not think you will be taking a nap here. And people will say I am a very rough brute who has gone from putting a baby in my very young wife right away to breaking beds while she is just trying to grow the poor mite. And that I do not even bother removing my boots or your gown to do so.”

She would take the blame for it, as she should. Colin was a lamb, and she was the more careless one. Penelope rubbed her belly and pulled his hand to feel a kick.

“I will take the blame,” she said. “As long as you are not hurt.”

She walked over to the bell pull, and waited patiently as Rae came upstairs. She knocked on the bedroom door and came in with a remarkable calm considering the things the servants had to have heard.

“In my hormonal agitation I have made Mr. Bridgerton break our bed,” she said. “Please ask the footmen to do what they can or advise if it needs to be replaced. I heard some wood crack when I threw him down.”

He was an experienced man, and Rae certainly knew they had passion between them. But Colin looked at the floor and blushed like a virgin, and her maid gaped at her. Perhaps pregnancy was making her too forthright about her physical demands. They had to be a funny sight to see her boss her large husband around like he was the demure party and Penelope the rake who had seduced him. It was a mutual seduction, and she was quite proud of both of them.

“I will tell them, Ma’am,” Rae said. “Are you well? Is Sir well?”

They both looked at her husband, and he gave a nervous smile. “I am fine, thank you. I think we will give up this room and go elsewhere for our . . . nap.”

He walked cautiously away from the bed and Penelope put her arm around him. Colin leaned down and hid his face in her neck. “They think I am a barbarian. They will start drugging my meals so I do not exhaust you to death and do you harm,” he whispered.

“Nonsense,” she said quietly, then pushed him to stand up straight. “Rae, you know Colin is a very loving husband and would never do anything that was too rough? He was always bigger than me since we met as children, and he was always mindful to be gentle and to keep pace with my short legs. Now that we are married, our activities are different but have the same level of care.”

Rae nodded, her mouth turning into a real smile. “I am sure of it, lest I would not have taken so many bribes to leave you in the garden with him,” she said. “He is dangerous about you, but not for you.”

Colin smiled, and Penelope sighed. The rumours his brothers had forestalled a duel between Colin and Lord Debling were not welcome. The speed of their wedding and their pregnancy did not make it less obviously a lie.

“We will be less chaotic in future. I think a baby will be enough to learn how to manage without any schemes,” she said. “But if there is any concern about my welfare, or my health, I trust you will ease minds with discretion.”

He cleared his throat. “And we do not need the minister over to lecture Colin,” she said. “We are glad to be married and I could not have found a better husband. I know because he helped me look through the single men and we decided they were not suited for me.”

Her husband touched her ear delicately, his face sour. “I did not mean for you to actually try them,” he mumbled. “You were supposed to be discouraged and run back to me and I would let you twist my arm to marry you.”

Penelope squinted up at him. “Mmhmm, heroic of you. I will not fall into your traps. Come, let’s go find our rest.”

He put his arm around her and they walked down the hall to one of the guest rooms. Colin sighed as he looked at the tidy bed and the neat room with so little fear of what they would do to it.

“You seem in better spirits than you were,” he said. “Have I amused you sufficiently that we do not need to ruin this bed, too?”

Penelope rubbed her belly and realized her back was not hurting as much. She wondered if she had just needed to be distracted. Maybe pregnancy boredom was of a more dire kind, and she simply could not stand those moments of being at loose ends. Colin didn’t really solve anything, but their small disaster had reminded her of their courtship, such as it was. Since she had made him look like a wanton, she could give him the credit for this improvement in her mood.

“You have made me feel much better,” she said warmly. “I think we can get into this bed the normal way, with some hoisting of my belly. Your son might be trying to get as tall as you while inside me, and I do not know how to explain that is not going to work.”

Colin shrugged, but he was pulling off his boots. “I don’t know how to convince him either. You were irritated when I tried to tell him I am tall but you are short.”

“I am not short. I am not tall,” she said. “You are oversized, and there is no need. You can wear tall boots.”

He sat on the bed, and she plopped her hip up next to him, letting Colin wind his arm around her middle to slide her up next to him more smoothly than she could do herself. The baby was never in the exact middle of her body, and she felt the weight of him now.

“If I started wearing tall boots, I would never see you again, Pen, and you know I would never survive it. I lost my sanity when you did not answer my letters, and that was before I knew you wanted to give yourself to another man and disappear from my life.”

She curled into his chest and he held her gently. “I did not know you had any feelings for me that I could hurt by marrying another,” Penelope whispered.

His chin leaned on her hair, and he pulled a few pins out so she could lie down without losing them in the pillows.

“Well, a mature man is aware he might find some silliness in a bride that will have to be corrected once they are married,” Colin said softly. “Let me teach you some simple things that you must have missed while you were doing singing lessons and embroidery. You are the most lovely woman I have ever known, and your soul could take the place of the sun for me. I am very lucky and our children will be so wonderful they might be a new form of humanity. If you were to rescind your affections, I would prefer you kill me out of mercy.”

Penelope shut her eyes and told herself she was not going back to the few weeks she cried over jam on her toast and the existence of caterpillars. She had scared the florist praising his delivery. They had to switch to a different shop because he had thought she was being sarcastic in the most disarming way.

“I would not know how to kill you since I was not allowed to have fencing lessons,” she told Colin. “Perhaps I will just love you forever and we do not need to worry about it?”

“Already more sensible in only a few months of married life,” he sighed. “I love you, Pen. Babies and shattered beds and servants alarmed when I reach for you cannot scare me.”

“And Lord Holley watching us at the lemonade table just in case our passion runs away with us,” she asked. “You have a very dark and stormy look when we meet at the refreshments. It gives people ideas that are not unfounded.”

He tucked a pillow behind her and kissed her ear. “Given the evidence of a baby, I cannot fault people for seeing how I have worked my magic on you, Pen. You said such sweet things about my eyes. I was knocked over by a feather.”

Their marriage made his puns and word play more of a problem for everyone except Penelope, who could shut down Colin’s joking with a flattening of her mouth. And she did not think she would ever mind his lightness with her. They would need their games.

“Your eyes are always kind now, and sometimes I fear my vision can’t take all of you in,” she said. “I love you, and the way you take up too much of my bed.”

Down the hall, she could hear a distant hammering, but she was asleep by the time the broken pieces of the bed were taken down to the stable to be worked upon to no avail. They would sleep in the guest room until a more robust master bed was ordered.