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Ralph stumbled over a tree root and the cry that pursued him rose even higher. “Oof!”
Then he was down, rolling over and over in the warm sand, crouching with an arm up to ward off his attackers, trying to cry for mercy. “Bruh!”
A naval officer stood on the sand, looking down at Ralph in wary astonishment. The ululation coming from the other boys faltered and died away.
“What the sigma?” Ralph cried, gaping at the officer.
The officer looked at Ralph doubtfully for a moment, then he lifted his eyes. The whole island was shuddering with flame. He glanced at the wild tribe of little boys in front of him, red with sunburn, round with the distended bellies of small savages. “Are there any adults—any grown-ups with you?” he asked.
Ralph shook his head. “Grown-ups are cringe, no cap. Skibidi.”
He started performing a Fortnite dance right there on the beach. A couple of the other boys, bodies streaked with coloured clay, joined in.
“We saw your smoke,” the officer said, glancing up the blackened sky. “What have you all been doing here?”
“Wilderness challenge!” a small scarecrow of a boy grinned. “Don’t forget to like and subscribe!”
“Nobody killed, I hope?”
“Only Jaxxon, Braxton, Paxton, Aiden, Jaiden, Kaiden, Hayden, Zaiden, and Bill,” Ralph shrugged. “They fell off a cliff trying to take a selfie.”
“Don’t forget Bentley,” the scarecrow piped up. “He accidentally set himself on fire trying to catch a fish.”
“He reckoned he was the next Mr. Best,” Ralph added, “but he had no skibidi Ohio rizz.”
“Oh, and then there was Ollie and Cooper,” said a little boy who wore the remains of a black cap on his red hair. “They got into a fight cos Ollie reckoned he was the Rizzler but Cooper said he had negative aura.”
“Zach forgot his iPad,” another boy piped up. “So he died.”
“Hunter S knocked himself out trying to punch a coconut out of tree.”
"That coconut was bussin!"
“And then Jax said he could fly, but he was cappin.”
The officer leaned down and looked closely at Ralph. “So that’s fifteen dead.”
“Sixteen,” Ralph corrected, flossing. “Hunter M ate a bad Mario mushroom."
"Ate and left no crumbs!"
The officer looked around at the filthy bodies, unwiped noses, and mattered hair surrounding him. He whistled softly. “How long have you all been out on this island?”
Ralph shrugged. “About two hours, I think?”