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“This is Burke.” Peter didn’t think much of the call as he answered his cell. He, Jones, and Diana were sitting in the conference room pouring over a case. Neal Caffrey had been his CI for nearly a month now and it was working out far better than anyone dared to hope. The man was currently on a coffee run as the four of them were working late, but Peter didn’t see any harm in that or any way it may be related to the call at hand.
“Agent Burke, this is the US Marshals office, is Neal Caffrey with you right now?”
Maybe Peter shouldn’t have been so quick to dismiss Neal’s absence with relation to the call…
He swore internally and stood, pushing the files he’d been pouring over aside as he grabbed his jacket. “No, he was ten minutes ago but he’s on a coffee run now. What has he done?”
The man on the other end of the line hesitated, which was odd. “...we’re not sure, Agent Burke. It’s probably a malfunction on our end. Some kind of disturbance in his tracking data.”
Peter froze, his hand on the door. What kind of stunt did Neal pull in ten minutes to have even the Marshals confused and unsure of their unbreakable new tracking anklet?
“Neal Caffrey is supposedly in Western Canada right now.”
What?
“Wait, no…”
Peter shook himself, trying to focus on the job at hand, using the moment of confusion to ground himself and clear his head. There had to be a logical explanation. There was no possible way for Neal to be in Canada, no less the Western side in the ten minutes it took him to get coffee.
“He’s back in the US now. Same alley he disappeared from. It must have just been a lag or a glitch.”
Peter narrowed his eyes, though the Marshal couldn’t see that. It shouldn’t be possible for Neal to just be in another country all of a sudden, but this was Neal they were talking about. Peter had to at least be suspicious.
“Alright,” Peter finally found his voice to respond. “Thank you for your call, please keep me updated.”
The man on the other end of the line responded with an affirmative and Peter hung up, not sure what to say to Jones and Diana who were looking at him expectantly.
As if on cue, the elevator doors opened and Neal walked out, drink carrier with four coffees in hand. The man was definitely here, definitely solid. It had to just be some disturbance in the data.
~~~~~~~~~~
“Agent Burke,” Peter answered his phone, blood already going cold at the caller ID. He’d memorized the Marshals’ number after last month, but he’d been hoping he wouldn’t have to see that number on his phone again. But here they were. Neal was supposed to be with him as they investigated a CEO, but Peter had had to leave him on the first floor while Peter went upstairs.
“Agent Burke, is Neal Caffrey with you?”
“No,” Peter had to admit, trying to do the math on how fast he could get out of this meeting without risking never being able to talk to this CEO again. It was already rude enough to have to step out of the room to take a phone call, hopefully mister Drake-Wayne wouldn’t be angry with him and refuse to reschedule. Or worse, that he’d be tipped off to the investigation. If he was guilty, that is. Which they didn’t know yet.
“It’s probably just another disturbance,” the Marshal started, unsure. “But Neal Caffrey is supposedly in Australia right now.”
Peter froze, realizing a second too late that his jaw was on the floor. That… That was definitely impossible. Outside of teleportation, which definitely shouldn’t be something Neal had access to. He wasn’t a meta and the technology didn’t exist. That Peter was aware of anyway. And Peter should be aware of it if it existed, right?
“How long has he been in Australia?”
“Less than 90 seconds.”
Peter nodded, trying to gather his thoughts.
“He’s supposed to be at the Wayne Industries building in New York City,” Peter stated, mostly for himself, trying to make sense of the situation.
“Yes, that’s where he was when he–wait.”
No… Not again. Once was weird, but twice?
“He’s back. New York City Wayne Industries building, like he never left.”
Peter blinked, unsure what to say. Somehow, they had to get to the bottom of this.
“...please let me know if this happens again.”
~~~~~~~~~~
“Agent Burke, is Neal Caffrey with you?”
“No,” Peter almost growled into his phone, unbuckling his seatbelt and climbing out of his car as fast as he could. Neal was supposed to be at home. Upstairs in his apartment. Peter took the steps to June’s front door two at a time. “Where is he?”
Like usual, the Marshal on the other end of the line hesitated. “...supposedly Russia.”
Russia?!
Peter could strangle the man, budding friendship or no. It seemed like every headache Peter had these days could be linked to the conman somehow.
“Where was he a minute ago?”
“His apartment.” This, the Marshal said with certainty. At least they were sure of something. If the pattern of the disturbances were to be believed, Neal would show up back where he’d disappeared from in less than two minutes. Peter just had to get there first to confirm the man was there or that he somehow, miraculously, wasn’t.
“Tell me the second he shows back up.”
The Marshal responded their understanding just as the maid to June’s house opened the door and Peter all but pushed his way inside, bolting up the stairs and down the hall, barely slowing down to get his key in the lock of Neal’s door, only for–
“He’s back now.”
Peter cursed as he flung the conman’s door open, only for the man in question to be standing there, waiting for him, a casual smile on his face.
Peter couldn’t quite tell if the smile was a normal Neal Caffrey grin or if Peter was imagining the hint of a knowing smirk behind his eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~
Peter could have screamed when he saw the caller ID on his phone. He’d been Neal Caffrey’s handler for five months now and the Marshals hadn’t called him even once for anything but to tell him his CI was somehow on a different side of the planet.
“Agent Burke,” Peter answered, skipping right to the point. “Where is he?”
“Agent Burke,” the Marshal responded, obviously caught off guard by Peter’s directness, which he winced at. This wasn’t their fault, after all. Even if they had just replaced Neal’s anklet with a “better” model that shouldn’t be glitching out like this. Even if they had gone two full months without incident and everyone had assumed the new anklet had somehow fixed whatever bug they couldn’t figure out was happening. It still wasn’t this particular Marshal’s fault and Peter should be more patient. Probably.
“...France, supposedly.”
France. France. Well at least that was a more Neal like spot to teleport to than Russia had been. Peter didn’t even bother responding, he just waited.
“And now he’s back, alley behind a bar on 7th and 43rd.”
Peter couldn’t quite stop the groan this time.
~~~~~~~~~~
“Burke,” Peter answered his phone on speakerphone while he sat in his car outside his own house. Even as he spoke, he was texting Diana, who was on supposed to be on shift tailing Neal. Since the fourth time and the second tracking anklet that had screwed up and showed Neal in another country, the team had been rotating following the conman, hoping to have eyes on him the next time something like this happened. Whether to prove he was behind it or prove he wasn’t, they just wanted answers at this point.
“Neal Caffrey is supposedly in Morocco, do you have eyes on him?”
Peter hesitated, waiting for Diana’s response to come through his phone. He could have cursed out a sailor when it did.
“No,” Peter all but growled, staring in disbelief at Diana’s text, saying she’d apparently lost him on his way home from work. He’d taken a shortcut through an alley and was gone.
“And now he’s back.” The Marshal sounded tired, and Peter could sympathize. This had never happened with any other CI or work release in the history of the FBI. Of course it had to be them with Neal Caffrey. Who else?
Diana texted him again just then saying she’d found him again, right where he should be at the other end of the alley as if he’d never just…disappeared like that.
Of course he did. He was Neal Caffrey.
~~~~~~~~~~
Dick snickered to himself as he slipped today’s tail, only feeling a little bad about the confused look on Jones’ face when he realized he’d lost the conman. After all, as fun as it was to mess with the white collar team, Dick did have responsibilities and he had reasons for messing with them. It was the boy who cried wolf. Eventually, they’d stop thinking it was suspicious if he just disappeared all the time, right? And then if he needed to disappear for something (like today when he was being called in for a quick briefing they needed him to give) he could attend without all the fanfare or having to slip the anklet or burn the alias or anything like that. It was perfect, really. And it had the added benefit of driving Peter absolutely insane. Dick would be lying if he said he wasn’t having fun.
He smiled to himself as he walked through one of the many zeta tubes the JL had stationed throughout his radius.
~~~~~~~~~~
“This is Burke.”
Even as he answered, Jones texted him that he’d lost Neal, not that Peter didn’t already figure that out based on the fact the Marshals were even calling him. Of course Jones lost Neal. Neal was better at knowing about and losing his tails than anyone else in the entire FBI. He was also the best at inconspicuously tailing someone but that was unrelated in this situation.
“Agent Burke, do you have eyes on Neal Caffrey?”
“No,” Peter sighed, already resigned to Neal supposedly being somewhere he really shouldn’t be. With Peter’s luck, he’d be in North Korea this time. Still, he had to ask. “Where is he?”
There was silence on the other end of the line for several moments, the Marshal hesitating more than any of the others ever had. Or maybe this was the same Marshal as some of the other times, Peter didn’t know. Whatever it was, this seemed different. Somehow. Maybe he was actually in North Korea… Peter was ready for anything at this point.
“Supposedly…” the Marshal started slowly, avoiding saying whatever it was for as long as possible. “Supposedly, Neal Caffrey is…”
Peter could have snapped at them to just spit it out already, it couldn’t be any weirder than it had already been over the last year.
“Supposedly,” the Marshal emphasized the word this time, really stressing it, “Neal Caffrey is in orbit.”
Peter could have hurled his phone against the wall and no one would have blamed him.