Chapter Text
Ricky fidgeted with the hem of his hoodie as he stood anxiously outside his beloved boyfriend’s house. The late afternoon sun painted the estate in gold and deep shadows, making the Caswell home look more like something out of a movie rather than reality. It was a sharp contrast to Ricky’s own home, where mess was spluttered everywhere. His kitchen counter had become a grave-yard of empty coffee cups, half-used condiments and unopened bills from the government. His Dad was to blame though, after him and Ricky’s Mom finalized their divorce, he began a never-ending mid life crisis.
As Ricky was stuck in his own thoughts, the large door to the Caswell home suddenly opened, revealing his perfect boyfriend EJ. His boyfriend stood there with a bright smile and greeted Ricky. “Babe! You’re early!” He laughed, his hair dripping wet from his after-practice shower.
Ricky grinned sheepishly and tugged at his hoodie awkwardly, in attempt to make it seem baggier. “Hey sorry, I underestimated how long it takes me to walk here.” No matter how many times Ricky and EJ would have their weekly movie night, Ricky still felt the same butterflies he felt the first time he hung out with his boyfriend. He would get this strange sensation in his stomach, a sensation he would only experience when with his boyfriend.
“Hey it’s all good!” EJ exclaimed, his bright smile still standing strongly on his face. “Anyway it just gives me more time to convince you we should watch all the avengers movies!” He suggested, of course he had to mention his love for the avengers movies, specifically Tom Holland, whom had been his bisexual awakening back when he was 13. Ricky should probably thank Tom. Send him a letter or something. “Come in!”
Rolling his eyes, Ricky sighed. “No way! I don’t think so Caswell. Last time you made me watch like 6 movies back to back!” He exclaimed, facepalming dramatically. “Not happening again.” He confirmed as him and EJ walked into the modern kitchen. His nose was immediately hit with a sweet aroma of homely baking. It may be a comforting smell to others- but not to Ricky. This smell made him want to vomit.
“Oh shut up.” EJ whined, however chuckled at his boyfriend’s annoyance. “Oh by the way! My Mom made cookies right before her and my Dad left. Some business trip or something. She was gutted she didn’t get to say hi.” EJ handed a plate full of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies to Ricky.
Ricky’s heart dropped. And for a moment his head was clouded with never-ending thoughts of self-hatred. 𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴. 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵 𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴. 𝘐’𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥. 𝘐’𝘭𝘭 𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘸𝘦𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵. 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵- 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵 𝘥𝘰- His thoughts were suddenly cut off by a hand waving in front of his face. “Hellooo? Earth to Ricky? You there?” EJ laughed at the sight of his boyfriends frozen statue.
He was suddenly startled by his lovers usually loud and ladish voice. “Huh- Sorry. Uh what?” Ricky managed to stutter out, he fidgeted with his hands at his sides, digging his nails into his palms as he anxiously waited for the question to be repeated. “I said. Do you want one? You look like I just offered to kill your family or something!” EJ laughed, clearly not notices his boyfriends discomfort.
Rickys laugh was delayed and robotic and he just gave EJ a soft smile. “You know what? I had a big lunch, not really hungry you know?” He gathered up an excuse, an excuse he’d been using much more frequently recently. Especially with his Father.
EJ’s previous smile faltered slightly. That was unlike Ricky. Maybe Ricky was coming down with an illness or something? He suddenly felt an uneasy feeling growing in his stomach but pushed it away. He told himself he was being dramatic and Ricky was fine. Of course he was. Right?
“Oh. Ok then, more for me I guess.” EJ shrugged and plastered a smile back on his face. “Let’s go watch a film then, shall we?” He then attempted his best british accent and kissed the top of Ricky’s mess of floppy curls as took his wrist and pulled him to the living room.
The pair of them collapsed onto EJ’s gigantic couch and Ricky immediately cuddled up to the brunette. He breathed in his scent, a comforting scent to Ricky. He could smell EJ’s strong cologne which reeked of a sensual, woody aroma. However Ricky loved it and it could always calm him down in a heartbeat. The two of them sat in silence for a few moments, legs tangled up together and EJ giving Ricky an occasional kiss on the cheek. Suddenly EJ broke the silence. “Camp rock?” He deadpanned. “Seriously?” He sighed as Ricky hovered over the movie with the remote.
“You cannot disrespect Camp Rock in front of me EJ! It’s a cinematic masterpiece. A fucking revelation in history.” Ricky raved, ever since he was a kid it had always been one of his comfort movies and he was not going to allow EJ Caswell to disrespect it. EJ just laughed at his boyfriend’s dramatics and complied. “Ugh fine.” EJ pretended to be pissed however Ricky could see the corners of his mouth turn up into a smile.
About 40 minutes into the movie, EJ noticed something. Ricky looked rather- well.. disconnected? He’d been staring off into space pretty much the entire time and had clearly not been paying attention to the movie. Ricky had been digging his nails into his palms subconsciously, so hard that he’d finally drawn blood. A nasty habit Ricky had picked up as of recently.
EJ frowned at the sight of his boyfriend zoning out and casually nudged him a little, interrupting Rickys thoughts. “Ri?” He said softly, rubbing his thigh as he spoke. “You good?”
Ricky looked up to EJ, locking eyes with him, the concerned gaze on EJ’s usually happy face didn’t go unnoticed by Ricky and he quickly plastered a smile on his face. “What? Yeah of course. Just tired. Probably the long rehearsals.” Ricky said, lies rolling off his tongue like nothing, but he waved it off. Placing a comforting hand on top of EJ’s. “Don’t worry Eeej.”
The older boy’s eyebrows furrowed with worry however he didn’t want to push the curly haired boy even further. “If you say so but you-“ He got cut off when his eyes trailed down to Rickys hand, where crescent shaped indents from his nails were bleeding onto his own hand. “Ricky you’re bleeding!” He scolded as he quickly got up to grab a tissue, wiping the small about of blood which was almost spilling onto the couch. “Don’t do that to yourself.” EJ said seriously, annoyance evident in his tone. Suddenly making Ricky feel insecure and he felt his cheeks flush in embarrassment and he quickly apologized. “Sorry I didn’t realize.” He spoke honestly.
EJ’s eyes immediately softened in guilt when he noticed Ricky’s flushed face. “Wait- no no sorry.” He stopped and sighed. “Sorry I didn’t mean to be harsh. I just don’t wanna see you hurt yourself Ri.” He admitted and rubbed his fingers over Ricky’s knuckles in a comforting manner. “I worry about you, you know?”
“Well I’m fine EJ.” Ricky said softly and gave the brunette boy a small smile. “I’m all good. I promise.”
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After the movie ended, much to EJ’s relief, the food EJ had previously ordered had finally arrived. He yawned and stretched. “I’m actually starving. Coach made us all do like 200 press ups today! I’m wiped.” EJ complained to his boyfriend- who didn’t really seem to be listening, as they both sat down at the pristine, white, marble counter.
As EJ waffled on about how annoying his teammates are and how unfair his coach is, Ricky could feel himself zoning out again. His mind drifting to dangerous territories. He glared at the bag of chicken tenders so hard he could practically burn a hole through it. 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦’𝘴 𝘯𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴. 𝘕𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭. 𝘐’𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺𝘴. 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘶𝘱 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘐? 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘰𝘧 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘴..
𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘴.
𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘴..
𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘴…
𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘴….
𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘶-
“Ricky? Do you want 3 or 4 chicken tenders? I’ll probably have 4 ‘cause I’m freaking starving, but how many do you want?” EJ asked, quickly snapping Ricky out of whatever world he was in. Ricky quickly fidgeted with the sleeve of his hoodie and gathered a quick response. “Oh- uh I’ll just have 2. Not really hungry tonight.” He muttered, avoiding eye contact.
“2? Seriously? They’re pretty small..” EJ said in concern, analyzing the shorter boys facial expressions. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” He spoke in a careful tone, trying to avoid any upset.
“Yeah I’m all good. Like I said not too hungry.” Ricky said simply, acting as if it’s no big deal.
However EJ kept pressing. “Yeeeahh but you’ve barely eaten anything like all night sooo..” He spoke awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck, afraid of where this confrontation might lead to. “You know you can always talk to me about anything babe?”
Ricky sighed, getting annoyed. Why couldn’t EJ just drop it? It wasn’t a big deal. Ricky groaned in annoyance. “EJ I said I was fine so can you fucking leave it?” The younger boy suddenly snapped, a cold tone evident in his voice.
EJ’s eyes widened at the harshness in his voice and he quickly thought of a retort however stopped himself. He didn’t want to make matters worse. He was probably just being over-protective and dramatic anyway. Ricky was fine. Of course he was. He decided he wouldn’t mention it again.