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“It’s-a me, Mario” Mario said, all Mario-y in that Mario-y voice his Mario-y vocal cords produce, when he decides to speak all Mario-y. He really felt Mario-y today. Like, not just regular Mario-y, but Mario-y Mario-y. Don't ask me to explain it, I'm not one of those write-things people. I'm just a girl, casually telling you that Mario is all Mario-y today. If that's not good enough for you, go read your MLM Shadow x Gru fanfics, that’s real art.
Anyway, where was I?
More specifically, where was Mario? You know, the Mario-y guy? He was, as you would expect, jumping on heads and breaking blocks. Bowser’s captured all the peaches that the Mushroom Kingdom was saving for the peach dance or whatever it is Bowser does, I don't read Mario.
So Mario is Mario-ing his way through all the worlds - World Two, Earth, Mars, Epsilon Eridani b, used the USS Enterprise’s warp pipe to skip past Tau Ceti - until he reached Bowser’s Castle.
I think we all know how this goes. Mario Marios past the fire, dies a handful of times, eats some mushrooms, causes destruction of private property, until he enters Bowser’s big room.
The one with the bridge.
The one where Bowser is waiting. As always.
The one where their eyes lock. The one where their hearts begin to race, and the one where they eagerly dance into one another’s arms.
“Oh, Bowser, il mio amore spinoso” Mario whispers gently into his love’s ear.
“Mario, my dear, how I wish we could embrace again under less dire circumstances” sighs Bowser, reluctantly pulling away. “But the Koopa Kommittee has elected to impeach me.”
Bowser counts three of his heavy, drawn out breaths before continuing.
“They will come for my crown. And I…”
Mario speaks not a word, but his wide, pleading eyes say all. For a moment, they paralyse Bowser in place. The King of the Koopas, he who conquers all, looks away from the one thing in the universe possible of besting him. Under more agreeable circumstances, he would falter willingly, but he must not show weakness. He must stand by his decision; he must not allow his one love to change his mind.
“...I…”
Bowser gulps. He knows he must speak the words, but his muscles refuse to heed his instructions.
He allows one glance towards his lover’s face, one last look before their whole worlds are torn apart. They both understand, but still - Bowser knows he must say it. If not for Mario, but for himself. To commit to his fate.
“And I will not let them.” As soon as he begins to speak, the words flow right out, and fearing he may never be able to start after this, he continues,
“They will claim peaceful intentions, but this kingdom will not survive without the iron shell of the King of Koopas, and I refuse to allow my people to suffer without me.”
Relief threatens to wash over Bowser, but his focus is elsewhere. His gaze, a wistful mix of sorrow and anticipation for his amore ’s response, is purely fixated on Mario’s face. His already speeding heart threatens to break the sound barrier when Mario’s lips begin to move, but instead of parting to allow room for words, he brings them together to form a kiss, which he firmly plants on Bowser’s cheek.
“I know.”
Mario wraps himself around Bowser.
“I know… But let us enjoy this night together, as if we would never part again, though it may be our last.”
Bowser sighs a sigh. A sigh of relief, yes, but not entirely. Mario was not wrong, this may indeed be their last night together - and he is thankful for the brief respite from their troubles - but the thought gnaws on the back of his mind. While Mario is here, visiting him, he is not safe. He may seem the tough, adventuring hero to others, but the truth is, it was all a ruse. An excuse to see his true love once more. The princesses Bowser kidnaps to ‘lure’ him believe them to be locked in battle, and indeed they were locked, but in quite a different manner.
Naturally, Mario emerges victorious, having finished off the nefarious Bowser time and time again, rescues the princess, and the rest of the world are none the wiser.
If - when, perhaps - the truth is ever revealed, the world would call Mario a hero no longer. It would be the scandal of the Mushroom and Koopa Kingdoms. But Bowser didn't care - in his eyes, Mario is a hero. His hero. And he would cause a million more scandals to be with him.
That is the problem though, isn't it? They could never make their relationship open. To do so would be to invite disaster, and while Bowser would endure such an outcome for love, his duty as his people’s King would never allow him to willingly reveal it.
Mario could tell that Bowser’s mind is not fully committed, and he switches from initiating energetic displays of his passion to calmly and reassuringly caressing his chest. Just spending time with each other is enough.
“I would fight with you, you know.”
Mario says, after what felt like an eternity in each other’s grasp.
Then he tilts his head as far up as it would go, in an attempt to look into Bowser’s face.
“To the end.”
Bowser sighs.
“I know you would. Which is why I must fight alone. I could never live a life without this crown, I co-”
Mario rests a finger on Bowser’s lips, shushing him.
“You could come with me. We could leave and never come back to this wretched place. We could be free, we could be together .”
He stares into Bowser’s eyes, begging for him to agree, holding on to a miniscule strand of hope, when Bowser lifts Mario’s hand and clasps it tightly.
“No…” Mario whispers, tears forming in his eyes. “Please…”
“I love you, Mario”
The clock ticks once.
The clock ticks twice.
“But I cannot be the man you want me to be.”
Mario continues to force his eyes open, despite the burning flood of tears. A small pain to endure, compared to the growing tear in his heart.
“My people need me, and I, them. Without them, I am nothing, but you are everything. Your people revere you, princes and princesses swoon at the mere mention of your name. You have a life to go back to, even should I…”
Bowser gulps once more, as he struggles to say the words.
“... die. ”
Mario’s hand breaks free and pounds against Bowser’s chest,
“No! Not without you! I may have a life, but if you're not there to share it, would I ever truly live it?”
They both go silent. There is nothing more to say. Instead, they spend the rest of the night as they are: Bowser stroking Mario’s back, as he cries into his arms.
This is the last time they will ever see each other. The last time Bowser will ever be able to say
“I love you.”
Without hesitation, a reply,
“I love you too."
The heavy footsteps of an enormous turtle sprinting echo their thunderous roar throughout the castle. This is no time for subtlety, they are under attack. An attempt on the life of the King of all Koopas has been made, and right now, his sole thought is on carrying his one true love to safety. Of course, Mario refused to leave. He had stood valiantly as danger drew ever closer, but Bowser saw how he tried to mask his trembling arms.
Mario was no warrior.
Therefore, despite his protest, Bowser used his impressive size and strength to simply make him leave.
And so he ran. He ran, until he reached the castle's topmost ramparts.
“Go now , Mario. These winged koopas are loyal, they will carry you far from here.”
Bowser turns his body away, but keeps his head focused on Mario for a moment longer, as Mario begins to say
“Bowser… I l-”
CRASH!
The walls of the keep violently crumble beneath Bowser's feet, dropping him down into the eerily lit corridors below.
“No!” he roars, fuelled by the rage of having his last moment with his lover ripped from him so cruelly.
Bowser looks around frantically, his sadness completely shadowed by the anger that now dwells within him, as he searches for the one who has come for him.
“YOU.” he exclaims, finally spotting the hooded figure emerging from the darkness.
“SO IT IS YOU WHO HAS COME, WHO HAS BEEN SENT BY THE KOWARDLY KOMMITTEE TO IMPEACH ME. REVEAL YOURSELF, THE MIGHTY KING OF THE KOOPAS SHOULD KNOW WHO HE CRUSHES.”
It is then that the assassin enters the light, and lowers her hood; her dagger clearly brandished in her other hand. It is then that she spoke.
“I'm Peach.”
That was the last time Mario ever saw Bowser, and the last time in his life that he ever felt whole.
Mario waited for a while by a cabin on the outskirts of the Mushroom Kingdom before returning home. He needed this time alone to compose himself, to grieve, and to learn to live with the turtle shaped cavity in his heart.
But of course, he could not wallow in despair forever - as much as he would have liked to - for the Mushroom Kingdom needed its greatest hero. And Mario needed to continue to live his life.
Not for himself, but for the love still beating in his heart. The love that carries Bowser’s memory within him to the depths of eternity.
Though the world may never know the true King Koopa, Mario would always hold dear the knowledge of Bowser. Bowser the Kind, the Caring, the love of his life.
Which is a fact, I am pleased to say, Mario never let go of. Not until the day he died.