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The window was slightly open. Tera pushed it fully as he entered the Boy’s room, exhausted and irritated from Black Death’s most recent mission. He had meant to go straight home, clean the stench of death from his skin, and eat something before crashing for the night. But his feet brought him here instead. Back to this room. Back to the Boy. It had been happening more and more frequently since their whirlwind of a first meeting. Tera couldn’t explain it to himself, not in a way that made any logical sense, at least. The Boy was chaos made flesh, always getting himself into trouble or, more annoyingly, letting Joris drag him into trouble by tagging along on his shitty, desperate attempts at proving he was capable of joining the crew.
Tera sighed quietly as he closed the window behind him, blocking out the chill. He frowned behind his mask as he looked toward where the Boy slept. Quickly, he moved forward and pulled the sheets up higher over his shoulders. Sleeping in shorts with the window open like that, he thought, it’s like he wants to catch a cold. The Boy’s well-being plagued his thoughts more often than he cared to admit. Was he safe? Where was he? What was he doing? Who was he with? Tera, at the expense of all his other responsibilities, had taken to keeping tabs on the Boy. He wanted—no—he needed to protect him. To make sure he was alright.
He let his eyes travel over the Boy. The steady rise and fall of his chest. His ink-black hair that fell just so over his typically expressive eyes. How the relaxation of sleep somehow made his stupidly cute face even cuter. He shook his head. Cute? God, what the hell was wrong with him? Cats were cute. The Boy was…Tera felt his heart stutter in his chest as the young man in question shifted and turned toward him. The Boy’s brows knitted together and his mouth formed a small pout for a few seconds as he got comfortable again and continued to sleep.
“Cute.” Tera exhaled under his breath.
He shook his head again. Damn, he thought, I’m fucked.
Since meeting the Boy, he had struggled against the overwhelming desire to get closer to him. He couldn’t help but want to learn more about him. He wanted to be by his side. To spend days with him as well as nights. To share the few parts of himself that Black Death hadn’t yet claimed. Tera crouched next to the bed and rested his arms on the mattress as he watched the Boy sleep. He hadn’t dared to believe that any remnant of goodness or light could exist within him after what he’d done. Killing his fear had cost him his soul. And Tera had long accepted that he would never get it back.
But…being with the Boy nurtured a small hope in him that grew increasingly stronger with each moment they spent together. Hope that he could have something good, even if he himself could no longer be. He wanted it, that warmth and brightness. Tera glanced up at the stars that glowed faintly on the ceiling above them. A smile twitched at the corners of his mouth as he found the Boy’s constellations scattered across the night sky he had created. His eyes settled on the Boy again. Did he deserve something so beautiful? No, I don’t.
It didn’t matter. Tera wanted him, and that was enough to push him forward, toward him, even closer still. It was enough to make him want to share…everything. His face. His dreams. His nightmares. His sins. Would the Boy turn away from him if he knew? If Tera showed the Boy who he was and told him the things he’d done, would he hate him? The subject of his thoughts stirred in his sleep, pulling Tera free from his spiraling mind. A soft sound escaped him, small and distressed. Tera moved to wake him, but before he could, the Boy shot up with a gasp.
“No!” He shouted.
Tera reached toward him and the Boy jumped in surprise.
“You’re okay,” he said quietly. “It’s just me.”
He moved his thumb over the back of his hand in what he hoped was a soothing gesture as he watched the Boy adjust to his surroundings in the dimly lit room.
“Tera?”
“Yeah.” He gave his hand a gentle squeeze.
“What are you doing here so late?” The Boy yawned. “So early,” he corrected himself.
Right, Tera thought. They probably only had a few more hours until the sun came up.
He tilted his head toward the window. “You left it open for me.”
“Did I?” The Boy huffed. “Maybe I just wanted to feel the breeze and forgot to close it.”
Tera scoffed. “Yeah, okay,” he said. “I’ll be sure to just let you freeze your ass off next time if that’s what you prefer.”
“Just say you wanted to watch me sleep,” the Boy goaded as he scooted closer to the edge toward Tera. “It’s alright, I won’t judge you,” he chuckled.
Tera matched his energy. “You were waiting for me,” he pointed out. “Say you missed me.”
The Boy clicked his tongue. “I was not.” He turned his head to face away from him. “I won’t do it.”
“Please,” Tera whispered before he could stop himself.
He didn’t mean to beg. And he certainly didn’t mean to sound so desperate—so needy. He was about to take it back and cover himself with a sly laugh or some flippant comment when the Boy faced him again.
He gave Tera’s hand a responding squeeze. “Hmm,” the Boy hummed. “Okay, I guess you could say I did…just a little.”
“You did what?” Tera pressed.
He needed to hear it.
“I missed you,” the Boy said sweetly.
Tera sighed as a warm feeling flooded his chest. “I missed you, too.” He held the Boy’s hand properly now. “I’m sorry you had to wait up like that.”
The Boy shrugged. “I forgive you. Besides, I’m sure Raccoon Robin Hood has more important things to do than come and visit me.”
Nothing is more important to me than you, he wanted to say. Tera wasn’t sure how much time passed without a word from him, but it must have been too much because the Boy started to make his way out of the bed. His voice was tinged with unmistakable worry.
“Tera,” he began. “Is everything okay? Are you alright?” The Boy asked. “Don’t tell me you got hurt again. I have some actual bandaids now, I’ll get them. Hope you like Disney princesses—“
“I’m good,” he shook his head. “Just thinking.”
“About what?”
Too many goddamned things. He bit the inside of his cheek. Tera disconnected their hands and used his to brush some hair out of the Boy’s face. He didn’t miss how the Boy leaned into his touch ever so slightly. God, I am so, so fucked.
“You should go back to bed,” he said suddenly. “You don’t get enough quality sleep as it is, and it’ll be daytime again soon. You probably have class—or homework and stuff to do.”
“Avoidance is never a good sign, Raccoon.” The Boy reached out to grab his arm as Tera stood and went to leave. He pulled him toward the mattress. “You can talk to me, you know. Just like you listened to me, I’ll listen to you.”
His heart was going to outgrow his chest.
“I know,” Tera said softly as he gently directed the Boy to lay back down and covered him with the sheets. “Not tonight,” he told him.
“Okay, so tomorrow night?”
He tucked him in. “Maybe,” he shrugged.
“Tera…” the Boy warned.
“Another night,” he gave in. “I can’t say when for sure,” he admitted. “But…not tonight.”
That seemed to be enough to satisfy the Boy for now.
He yawned and settled deeper against his pillows. “Stay until I fall asleep?”
Tera pushed a stubborn strand of hair off of his cheek. “I will.”
He stayed where he was until the Boy’s breaths slowed and evened out. Tera had to force himself to leave when sunrise started to make itself known outside the window. Every step took him farther away from the Boy, further from hope, goodness, and light, back into the darkness he had grown accustomed to under Black Death. His heart weighed heavy from the distance. Tera rubbed his chest as if that could somehow soothe the ache deep within. When he finally made it into his own bed, seeking sleep as the rest of the city began a new day, Tera closed his eyes and imagined himself lying somewhere else. Somewhere warmer and brighter, beneath a glowing ceiling full of painted stars.