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When patrol finally ends, he hangs out on a rooftop until he’s certain they all make it into the sewers safely. It’s the same thing every time Casey and April run with them. They go out for patrol, Casey and April go home early, his siblings go home when it’s getting close to dawn, and Raph does a quick swing by Casey and April’s places. Just to make sure they made it home safe and are doing whatever normal, human, non mutated crime-fighting turtles need to do to stay healthy and well-adjusted.
Maybe it’s paranoia, but they’ll be thanking him the day something goes wrong.
He’s closer to April’s place tonight, so he decides to swing past there first. Five or so blocks northwest. He drops silently onto the roof of her complex, makes his way down the fire escape to where he knows her window is. Peeks in (it’s not creepy, he swears. He’s pretty sure they both know about it). Her lights are off, but he can see a dim glow of what he assumes is her cell phone, gently lighting up her silhouette tucked under her covers. That’s one of them safe and hopefully at least a little rested.
He makes his way back to the rooftops. Casey lives about a mile east of April’s. Once Raph hits the roof, he pivots and starts running. This is one of his favorite times of the night. The city is never quiet, it is New York after all, but now, around 4:30, things seem just a little slower than normal. Like the only people up are him and the city’s bakers. It’s peaceful, with the rooftops stretching out in front of him and the endless night sky above him. Not to mention that he can just run, without too much worry for his siblings or friends. The only thing that would make these nights better is being able to see the stars. He loves the city, though. Wouldn’t trade it for anything.
He slows down as he approaches Casey’s apartment. There’s a figure on the roof, sitting on the edge with both feet hanging off the side of the building. He’s about to figure out another path to Casey’s window to avoid being seen by the idiot, when he realizes. That’s his idiot. Alarm bells start going off in his head, chasing away the last of the gentleness that had settled over him in the ten or so minutes he took to get across town. Why was Casey so close to the edge?
He makes the last jump to Casey’s rooftop, making sure that his landing is loud enough that Casey can hear, but. He doesn’t look up. Doesn’t even look up when Raph drops to his ass on the ledge next to him.
“Whatcha doin’?”
That finally gets a reaction, and Casey lifts his gaze to look at him. There’s something in his eyes that’s a little unsettling, something that Raph thinks Casey probably only ever has at this time of night.
“Could ask you the same thing.”
Raph leans back on his hands, throws his head back to look at the starless sky. “It’s not a secret that I check in on you before goin’ home.”
Casey hums, noncommittal and spacey, looks back down at the street 90 or so feet below them. It makes Raph deeply uncomfortable, and he gently wraps his hand around Casey’s upper arm.
“Alright, man, let’s get away from the edge, yeah?”
Casey doesn’t move, but when Raph hauls him to his feet, he doesn’t resist either.
Raph finally lets go of his arm once they’re sat closer to the middle of the roof, Casey’s back against an air conditioning unit or some shit. They sit there for a bit, what Raph thinks could be anywhere between 5 and 30 minutes, with Casey looking off into nothing and Raph watching Casey. He can’t tell if Casey is even thinking about anything. He’s just kind of looking, his eyes this sort of empty that makes Raph scared.
Finally, after what feels like a lifetime, Casey turns back to Raph. Raph kind of tips his head a bit, a silent question, not wanting to be the one to break the silence.
“Why do you think we’re here?”
Raph snorts dryly. “Because you’re hangin’ on a roof instead of sleeping.”
Casey’s expression doesn’t shift at all, he just blinks sort of blearily at Raph. It makes him squirm, makes him feel a little guilty. Apparently, whatever this is, it’s important.
“Sorry. What do you mean?”
“Us, all of us. This whole life thing. What’s the point?”
“You suicidal?”
Usually Raph wouldn’t phrase it so crassly, but there’s this urgency flowing through his veins, like if Casey’s answer is anything other than a straight up no, he’s getting his ass hauled off the roof immediately (for his own safety).
“Nah.” A nearly imperceptible exhale of relief from Raph. Casey continues, “Just don’t get it. None of us asked to be born. So. Why?”
Raph studies Casey’s face for a moment, then looks out over the city. “Y’know, livin’ here, sometimes I think all the stars fell outta the sky and landed in the streets. All those lights? They look like stars, yeah?”
Casey shifts to sit beside Raph, presses his cheek into the turtle’s shoulder. “You got a point?”
“Yeah yeah, gettin’ there. So they look like stars. But they ain’t.”
Casey’s turn to snort. “Perceptive.”
Raph ruffles his hair, “Shut it and I’ll make my damn point. They ain’t stars. They’re people. Each of those lights out there are at least one person. Some are multiple people.” He looks down at Casey. “You get it?”
“Nope.”
“All’a them people were born by chance, just like us. All’a them people probably ask themselves the same shit. And y’know what?”
Casey doesn’t respond, just looks up at him with eyes darker than the sky.
“All’a them people made their own damn purpose.”
“What?”
Raph sighs, looks away from Casey back towards the city. “If we’re all born by chance, then we ain’t got a set purpose. You want one, choose it for yourself.”
Casey hums again, but this time it’s a little more present. “Have you chosen one?”
“I guess so. There are things I care about more than others. If I had to put it into words, I guess I’d say. Loving you is my purpose.” Casey jolts away from his side, drawing Raph’s gaze. “What’s your issue?"
“Say that again?”
“I asked what your fuckin’ issue is.”
“No, no. Before that. Your purpose.”
It takes Raph a moment, but when he finally realizes, he turns bright red and launches to his feet. “No, not like— I mean— Like, you, yeah. But also April and my siblings and like. The mutanimals?” His voice gets weaker as he keeps going, and he buries his face in his hands.
A few moments later, Casey’s hands are on his, pulling them away from his face. “You love me?”
Raph pouts a little bit. “I’m goin’ home.” But he doesn’t make any move to pull away.
Casey’s stupid fuckin’ face is in his, and he’s grinning bright as the sun. “You love me!”
Raph glares, turns his head away. “So fuckin’ what if I do?”
It’s like Casey did a complete 180 from whatever mood he was in two minutes ago. He drops Raph’s hands and paces in a quick circle, muttering “you love me” under his breath over and over.
Raph crosses his arms, embarrassed, and says, “You good now? Gonna go to bed? I gotta get home at some point before the sun comes up.”
Casey whips around to face him. “Me too!”
“You’re gonna make it home before the sun’s up, dumbass, you’re 30 seconds away from your room.”
Casey crosses to him and shoves him lightly, “Not that, stupid. I love you too.”
Raph huffs, turns away, tries desperately (unsuccessfully) to suppress a dopey grin. “Well, who doesn’t? Listen, can we talk about it tomorrow? I’m tired.”
Casey grabs his hands and quickly kisses them. “Yeah, yeah, I’m goin’ to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow though.”
Raph stands there, smiling like a fool, until he hears Casey’s window shut. He tries to fight his grin as he makes his way back to the lair. How the hell is he gonna explain this to his siblings?