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The night was warm, as summer nights tend to be, and the air carried the gentle hum of excitement. This evening was special—an annual floating lantern festival held in a quaint lakeside town. Kakuzu had reluctantly agreed to stay, they were ordered to wait for next mission instruction and no bounty of any worth was on the horizon.
Hidan was thrilled. He’d brought two bottles of surprisingly decent-tasting alcohol and had somehow convinced Kakuzu to play along with his game he came up with. They found themselves perched on one of the many wooden bridges spanning the lake, discreetly tossing rocks at the lanterns that the locals had set afloat, each carrying a wish they hoped would come true.
Hidan called it "unwishing," and the rules were simple: every time one of them hit a lantern, the other had to drink from their bottle. It didn’t take long for Kakuzu to dominate the game. His aim was flawless—he never missed. On the rare occasion he did miss, his sly threads would stealthily tug the lantern underwater, ensuring his perfect streak remained unbroken.
It didn't take long for Hidan's bottle to quickly run dry. By the time Kakuzu had barely made it halfway through his own, Hidan was thoroughly drunk, swaying and laughing at his own slurred commentary. Eventually, they shared the remainder of Kakuzu’s bottle, the game forgotten as they stood quietly, watching the lanterns drift further into the darkness.
As the night deepened, the festival-goers trickled away, leaving the two Akatsuki members standing alone on the bridge. Well, one of them stood. Hidan was leaning heavily against Kakuzu, his full weight pressing into the taller man. He was still talking—something about how they should destroy the rest of the lanterns floating on the lake, blissfully unaware that he was pointing at the faint glow of distant house lights on the shore.
Kakuzu sighed, his patience stretched but not quite broken. For reasons he couldn’t fathom, he let Hidan rest against him, his drunken ramblings filling the quiet night.
It wasn’t Kakuzu’s first time dealing with a drunken Hidan, so he knew exactly how to handle the situation. Hidan was the runner type of drunk—the kind who would inevitably drag Kakuzu around to every shiny or curious thing he found, ramble about its significance, and, if left unchecked, eventually run off, get lost, and cause a headache-inducing amount of trouble.
Kakuzu, being the ever-practical man he was, had already developed a foolproof strategy for this. Before Hidan could stumble away, Kakuzu quickly squatted down, wrapped his arms around Hidan's thighs, and hoisted him up over his shoulder like a sack of rice.
The effect was immediate: Hidan’s lower half went completely limp, as though someone had flipped a switch. He didn’t kick, squirm, or fight—not even a single protest. It was as if he’d silently accepted this fate as part of his drunken escapades.
What made it even stranger (or funnier) was how seamlessly he carried on with his endless, nonsensical speech. Draped over Kakuzu’s shoulder, he slouched like an oversized scarf, gesturing wildly with one hand while the other flopped uselessly. His voice slurred, “...and then we’ll buy a boat, yeah, a big one! Like, the biggest boat! But not for fishing. Nah, pirating! That’s where the money’s at, Kuzu! You can be the grumpy captain, and I’ll be the hot, shirtless guy with a sword…”
Kakuzu sighed, ignoring the stares of a few lingering festival-goers as he began the trek back to their room. “Idiot,” he muttered under his breath, though the corners of his mouth twitched upward in the faintest hint of amusement.
Kakuzu didn’t really mind Hidan in this state. Sure, he was louder than usual, clingier, and his endless rambling could test anyone’s patience, but it wasn’t all that bad because—
“Kuzu-chaaan, I want cuddles.”
—because Hidan wanted cuddles.
In these moments, the bloodthirsty zealot transformed into a soft, whiny, shoulder princess demanding attention. His tone was needy, almost childlike, and while Kakuzu would never admit it, there was something strangely tolerable—maybe even endearing—about this side of him.
Kakuzu adjusted his grip slightly, making sure Hidan wouldn’t slip off. “Shut up and hold on,” Kakuzu muttered, his tone gruff but his actions careful as he started walking again.
Maybe it was the quiet vulnerability beneath the drunken whining, or maybe Kakuzu was just getting used to him. Either way, the fact that Hidan felt safe enough to be this soft around him struck something deep within Kakuzu, though he wasn’t ready to explore what that meant.
“I am holding on!” Hidan protested, tightening his arms slightly around Kakuzu’s torso. Then, after a moment of silence: “...You’re warm.”
Kakuzu let out a long sigh, but didn’t push Hidan away. “Idiot.”
"Let’s rob a bank and get married."
Kakuzu stopped mid-step, glancing over his shoulder at the slouched figure dangling over him. “…Why rob a bank?”
“Moneeeeyyy,” Hidan drawled, stretching the word like it was obvious. “Weddings are expensive, y’know. I want it big! Like, the biggest wedding!”
Kakuzu sighed, shifting Hidan slightly higher on his shoulder again. “And why would you want to marry me?”
“Because,” Hidan slurred, his voice dreamy and dramatic, “we’d be unstoppable together. Forever and ever!” He tried to make an infinity gesture with his hand, but it ended up looking more like a lazy circle.
Kakuzu smirked faintly. “And why would I want to marry you?”
“Why not?” Hidan shot back without hesitation. “Look at me! I’m gergo—gorg—gorgelus? Pretty! I’m prettyyy.” He laughed, a tipsy giggle that made Kakuzu roll his eyes. “And I know how you look at me. Hihi. Oh! And you’re touching my ass right now.”
Kakuzu froze. His hand, steady on Hidan’s thigh to keep him from sliding off, shifted slightly as realization dawned. “I’m carrying you, you idiot.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Hidan snickered, wiggling dramatically. “Just admit it—you like it.”
Kakuzu groaned, tightening his grip as he resumed walking. “I swear, next time I’m leaving you in the lake.”
“You’d miss meeee,” Hidan sing-songed, leaning his cheek against Kakuzu’s back with a smug grin.
“Hold on, let me touch your butt,” Hidan declared, reaching a wobbly hand down from Kakuzu’s shoulder. After a moment of fumbling, he finally grabbed something firm beneath the fabric of Kakuzu’s cloak. “There they are. Nice, firm cheeks.”
Kakuzu’s step didn’t falter, as he glanced back with a deadpan expression. “Those are my masks.”
Hidan, completely undeterred, gave a mock-thoughtful hum. “Those are your hearts, Kakuzu,” he corrected, tapping lightly on the nearest one. “This one’s fire, this one’s water, this one’s air…” He moved his finger across Kakuzu’s back with exaggerated care, as though he were a mapmaker plotting uncharted territory. “And this one… the zwuuush!”
“…The lightning?” Kakuzu supplied, barely holding back a chuckle.
“Yep, that’s the one,” Hidan said, grinning. Then he poked the empty spot right in the middle of Kakuzu’s back where no mask rested. “And this one’s mine.”
Kakuzu’s stride slowed for a moment, his lips curling into an unexpected smile. He let out a low chuckle, the sound rumbling through the quiet night.
“You’re just drunk,” he muttered, though there was a warmth to his voice that hadn’t been there before.
“And you’re just stuck with me!” Hidan proclaimed proudly, slumping back over Kakuzu’s shoulder like a victorious conqueror.
“Awww,” Hidan suddenly mumbled, his voice dropping to a mournful tone.
Kakuzu sighed, already feeling the Hidan’s mood change,“What now?”
“It’s gonna be our first kiss,” Hidan said, his words heavy with dramatic sadness.
Kakuzu froze mid-step. “What will be?” he asked, a rare note of panic creeping into his voice.
“Our wedding kiss,” Hidan clarified with a pout. “You didn’t propose, so I didn’t kiss you yet. Now our first kiss is gonna be at the wedding, in front of all our guests. I don’t want to ruin it!”
Kakuzu stared blankly ahead, trying to process the sheer absurdity of Hidan’s logic. “That’s… not how this works.”
“It is how it works,” Hidan huffed, crossing his arms—or at least trying to, given his current slumped position. “You’re the one who hasn’t kissed me yet. So now we gotta save it. For the big moment.”
Kakuzu let out a long, exhausted breath. “You’re way too far in your head.”
“And you’re ruining my dreams,” Hidan shot back, his voice tinged with betrayal.
Hidan, still dramatically sad, sighed heavily. “Just don’t mess it up, okay? The guests are gonna expect it to be romantic or something.”
“Does it really matter that much?” Kakuzu asked, his tone flat but laced with almost true care.
“Of course it does!” Hidan insisted, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.
Kakuzu let out a long sigh, then made a decision. “Fine.” He bent slightly and set Hidan back on his feet, steadying him as the man wobbled for a moment. His hand warm against the back of Hidan's neck.
Hidan’s eyes widened in surprise, his gaze locking with Kakuzu’s. For a rare moment, the drunken antics quieted as he stared up at his partner, the light of the street lamps reflecting in his violet eyes.
Before Hidan could say anything else, Kakuzu leaned in and kissed him. Nice and slow.
Hidan froze, his eyes going even wider before the shock melted into a giddy grin. He kissed back, sloppily but full of enthusiasm, his hands gripping Kakuzu’s cloak as though he didn’t want to let go.
When they finally broke apart, Hidan was grinning ear to ear. “This is going to be the best wedding ever!” he declared before suddenly breaking into a tipsy, triumphant little dance right there on the bridge.
Kakuzu couldn’t help but genuinely smile—a small, rare thing that flickered across his face before he composed himself.
“And you know what, Kakuzu?” Hidan said, pausing mid-dance, his voice sharp and mischievous now. “You’re gonna have to catch me first!”
Without warning, Hidan spun on his heel and took off, sprinting away with surprising speed given his drunken state.
Kakuzu let out a long, resigned sigh, watching his partner zigzag down the path. “Idiot,” he muttered before trudging after him, his steps steady and deliberate, “My idiot.”