Chapter Text
Punk Hazard was exhausting in so many different ways, Sanji couldn’t keep count anymore. Discovering that innocent children had been kidnapped and experimented on like rats, a far too familiar feeling to him. The chills he felt when he connected the dots; Chopper’s angry emission and the children withering against chains, so desperate to get their ‘candy’ which was just an addictive poison that was killing them. It shouldn’t shock him that, as usual, all the guilt and shame fell onto the World Government's shoulder for letting a maniac have full reign over this deserted, forever changed island and allowing Caesar to do as he wished. The bile in his throat was too great to bear.
Not to mention, they had gained a new ally out of nowhere, Trafalgar D Law. Sanji didn’t think much of him; the man didn’t give much of himself to begin with. What the hell were his motivations behind his plans; attacking the Smile Fruit factory, going after arguably the most dangerous Emperor of the sea, destroying the SAD Production Facility on Punk Hazard. He didn’t give much reason to it, and Luffy only knew he wanted to be King Of Pirates, so he had no problem going after any Emperors, since apparently, it’s not like one could be King Of Pirates without defeating the Emperors of the Sea. It came with the territory, he supposed.
He trusted Luffy more than he could ever express; his life belonged to his Captain. Their bond as a crew, and as a wing to him, unshakable.
Still, he had felt off ever since they left Punk Hazard with a new person on their crew, for now. He should feel excited, heading to Dressrosa. He had others talking about the land with Kin’emon, how it was a land of intense passion and romance. Dancers in the streets, the land filled with gorgeous gardens, and the corner stop for great food and fashion. It sounded like a dream island for him, outside of Fishman Island, of course.
His skin feels wrong, despite him knowing, despite Law’s annoying debacles, he was back in his right body. His hand carried calluses from working as a young child in a kitchen that Nami’s did not. He stood taller, firmer, and his suit was comfortably tight. When he looked back in the passing windows, he saw his own reflection; familiar, right as rain, one would say.
There was this nagging in the back of his brain he couldn’t seem to shake. It was familiar to him, something he tries to bury for the sake of his own dignity and everyone else around him. A stupid thought he knew could never flourish so he never let it take hold, but ever since the switch, it’s boiling up inside him, like a frog in a pot.
Seeing Law’s face at every meal time, even though the bastard tries to hang back and not join them like the ungrateful guest he is, he gets a stern reminder of switching bodies with Nami. It’s like he can still feel it. The reminder haunts him.
Her skin was so soft, unlike his, which is covered in hair that grows faster than he bothers to shave and rough skin. Her body, well, it was strange. At first, he was a bit perturbed, despite his ways. This was Nami’s body, how and why would someone switch them? How could someone even have that power? He has those answers now. Yet, after a while, when the shock had faded and their minds focused on more important things, he settled into it, it felt comfortable in a way it shouldn’t.
It wasn’t his body, he knew that. If he was left to be stuck in Nami’s body for the rest of his life, he wouldn’t be happy about it. It felt, almost, safe, sure, but he knew it wasn’t right. It was an edge of uncomfortableness to it, and the strangest thing was it wasn’t because he was in the body of a woman. He was happy about it, enthralled by it, like any normal guy would be, right? Yet it wasn’t his own body, it couldn’t be.
He hated the lingering disappointment that came from those thoughts. He needed to get a grip. This was just residual left over from Law messing with their bodies, his mind catching up with his body..
Yeah, it was probably just…
“Nami, dear,” He found himself asking, as he walked out onto the deck, a pair of glasses delicately decorated and freshly squeezed to cool off the ladies amidst the warmth of the summer air. “Do you feel alright with everything?”
Nami flicked up from a book in her hand, a quill in her other. She kept track of the finances, calculating them down to the smallest berry, so it was no surprise to see numbers written in her familiar, clear handwriting on the pages.
“I mean, well, with your body and everything?” He asks, unsure. He nods over to where Law is sitting by his loneself again. “With y’know.”
“Well, we’re back in our bodies right?” Nami asked, her nose scrunching up. “I know your body went through a lot because of me, I’m really sorry about that.”
“No, no, dear, you’re fine! I’d rather my skin gets damaged than yours, naturally.” He leans now, placing her glass on the table next to her. “And yes, we’re both, um, back to normal but do you feel strange, at all?”
Nami folds the corner of her page, shutting it closed with the quill inside. “Are you not feeling alright, Sanji?”
“Well, I—I suppose I am fine. Nothing to worry about then.” He tries to bow, catching a glance of where Robin is tending to her garden, aiming to go and pass out her drink as well.
“Wait a second, Sanji,” Her voice is firm. He’s always been weak to women so his step stills, his eyes turning back to her. Her hand is up in the air, her finger bending back towards her, urging him to follow.
Sluggishly, he obeys. He goes back to his previous spot standing in front of her.
“Um, yes, Nami?”
“Take a seat, Sanji.”
“Oh, that’s quite kind of you, dear, but I have to take this to Robin and go prepare for lunch—”
“I don’t take no for an answer, especially if something is wrong.” Nami says sternly. “Sit.”
He obiliges, much to his guilt. “The drink won’t be as good the longer it sits, dear.”
Nami rolls her eyes before looking around. A grin catches on her face.
“Hey, Zoro!”
No, no, no.
“Nami, not to doubt you, but why are you calling Mosshead over here?”
“He owes me a great deal of debt and if it’ll get you to sit without complaint, I don’t mind shaving off a little.”
Guilt eats him alive. He’s troubled Nami.
“What the hell do you want, witch?” He practically growls over at her, sweaty and drenched from being in the middle of a workout.
“Take this up to Robin, will you?” She points over to the drink on Sanji’s tray. This couldn’t be more embarrassing.
“Huh? Why the hell can’t the Cook do it? He fucking loves spoiling you two with this shit.” Zoro’s face scrunches up like he ate something sour.
“I’ll knock 1% percent of your debt, of course,” She agrees, smiling wide. It’s not a kind or polite smile, which he’s used to, but rather a dangerous one.
Zoro stares for a minute, glancing between the two of him. The back of his neck grows hot underneath his collar.
“Me and Sanji are having a very important talk, but Robin still needs her drink. After all, Sanji went through all of the trouble of preparing it for her! Don’t you agree?”
He opens his mouth, closing it, and repeating it a couple of times. He’s not sure what to say. He doesn’t need to be thanked or praised for it, it’s his job, his purpose. What other point would there be of him being on the crew then?
Zoro doesn’t say a word, rather grunts out a response. Sanji has no idea what that sound or the strange twisted expression on Zoro’s face means, but he snatches the drink up, thankfully not spilling any otherwise Sanji would have had to kick his ass for wasting it. He walks towards the garden, leaving him alone with Nami, and a dry mouth.
“Now that’s settled, why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”
Right. Well.
“I just, I don’t mean to trouble you with my worries, dear.”
“Well, now I’m invested so why don’t you do us both a favor and tell me what’s going on?”
He bites the inside of his cheek. An old habit from when he was a kid he never shook off.
“Well, I just, felt off since we switched back? I thought it would, um, fade with time, but it’s been a few days now. I thought maybe it was mind catching up with my body or something like that, but, well…”
“It hasn’t gone?”
He shook his head. “It’s probably nothing.”
Nami frowned.
“Can you explain this feeling?”
“It feels like I’m home but twisted?” He shrugs, hard to come up with the words. “Like those mirrors, the one that make you look weird when you look into them. You know your own appearance but you look in them, they’re something else, and it feels surreal. You, but not quite right.”
“Why do you think you don’t feel right?”
“I—I don’t know. I wouldn’t be troubling if I did know, dear. I wouldn’t waste your time like that.”
Nami frowns at his words. “It’s not a chore for me to care, Sanji, and it isn’t bothering me. We’re crew, practically family, Sanji.”
He goes to say something but she begins again, “What did it feel like in my body then?”
That was easy.
“I guess, better than I feel now? It wasn’t my body, I knew that, of course. It almost felt right?” He admits quietly, ashamed of his own words.
Nami’s mouth falls open, almost as if she's clicked something together.
“Sanji, do you like being a man?”
It’s a bizarre question.
“Well, I am a man, darling. Men, however, are vile beasts, you know.”
She chuckles at that, “Trust me, I know, but do you like being a man? Does it fit right for you?”
“I mean, it should?” He finds himself answering with hesitation.
“Okay, another question then, why do you like women so much?”
“Well, that’s easy, dear! Women are God's blessing on this wretched place; they’re beautiful, kind, smart—what’s not to love?”
Nami hums. “Sanji, you’re bisexual.”
He feels himself grow hot. “Well, yes, I have, um, mentioned that in passing I suppose.”
“With the way you’ve looked at Zoro all these years, it wasn’t really a shock to any of us.”
Sanji feels his entire being tighten, leaning closer to shush her while looking around to see if the Mosshead was anywhere near them.
“Nami, please, you can’t just say stuff like that! Especially out loud!”
“Sanji, everyone knows.”
“About me? Yes! I know I’m a fool and stupid, but at least he doesn’t know. I’d like it to stay that way!”
“We’ll unpack that sentence at a later date,” She frowns, pointing at him but moves on. “You like both sexes, but you view them differently. Why?”
“My old man taught me to be chivalrous, to never hit a lady. Why does it matter, dear?”
“It’s just, why are women wonderful and unable to make mistakes? Don’t you think it’s more than your upbringing or even your love or preference for women?”
“I—I’ve always felt that way. I suppose women have always been kinder to me than men, I grew up a bit rugged with tough love after all.”
“Are you sure that’s all it is?”
“Well,” He finds himself lacking a real answer. “I guess so.”
“Can you give me an actual reason why women are wonderful?”
He’s empty-handed.
“They just are, dear, they always have been. Is that wrong?”
“No, god no, Sanji, I wouldn’t say that, but you should look into yourself and find out the reason. I’m sure that maybe you already know, we’re all a bit damaged from our own places. I know first hand how hard it is to come to terms with hardships,” Nami looks down, sighing. “How hard it is to accept yourself, when you don’t fit a mold, or fit what others think is right, but we’re pirates now, yeah? So we don’t have to do any of that, so you shouldn’t do that either, Sanji.”
He still stares at her, confused.
She huffs with a gentle smile. “Listen, just take my words into mind, yeah? Think about it on your own, give yourself grace. When you’re ready, me and Robin will be here, no matter how long it takes.”
She picks up her book, opening it to her former page, and picking up her quill to continue her task. Sanji feels odd, unsure more than he was before, and stands up, taking that as his que to go, so he walks towards the gallery, shaken by her words, shaken by what he doesn’t know.
She clearly sees something he’s missing.
He’s running out of counter space to put the countless of things he baked in his hurry to keep his mind off of wandering thoughts and yearnings he should not have; chocolate soufflés, cream puffs, his layered berry cake, tarts lining the edge of the table, and even fruit parfaits prepared on a tray next to the sink. This is too much food, far too much, but he needs his hands to be busy.
Lunch has already been served, a delicious curry with too many side dishes to count, far more than he’s normally giving. Lovely Robin had asked him if it was a special occasion and he didn’t know what to say, other than everyday was a special occasion with her. That earned him a scoff from Zoro, as usual, but most of the other crew didn’t seem to mind. Certainly not the Captain who could eat until he popped.
He had already prepared snacks too; delicious sandwiches with cold meats, a delicious sauce along the bread, and fresh ingredients from the garden, with the edges sliced off and made into breadsticks for the guys. Drinks served, with gorgeous little umbrellas and sugared tops. And dinner? Well, it was a slow-roast that took hours and minimal effort. He had enough leftovers from the previous night to make other sides that benefited from them, like his delicious seafood fried rice, and fermented foods were always a great side dish. They were able to last longer in different environments, after all, a chef’s best friend, outside of their seasoning drawer.
He just didn’t want to think about it, he wanted to keep running, because that’s what he’s always done. Ran away from that dreaded place, ran towards trouble always but managed to stick the landing, and certainly ran away from something like this. Too horrible to speak too words and he’s sick to the stomach that Nami may have gotten a glimpse inside of it.
These feelings were not normal. Wanting that, desiring that, hoping to be like them, was something that should be buried and hidden. A secret taken to his grave, but the yearning and the wants got harder and harder to hold back, with the girl’s knowing eyes, and how their compliments shifted. The women on the crew were always kind creatures; Robin naturally complimented people all the time, even if she had a dark twist from time to time, and Nami used complimenting as more of a means to an end, but it didn’t bother Sanji at all.
What actually bothered him? It was how Robin commented about his appearance, which once doted him for being handsome, went to noticing how graceful and pretty he was. She didn’t even stutter when she said it either, like it was natural. Nami, on the other hand, was more loud about it. Talking about what colors she’d think would look best with his complexion, how he should wear more than suits, be a little daring, and started asking him questions. His thoughts on jewelry, something he’s always stayed far away given his hands are his life, and her humming, only to ask for his thoughts on earrings and hair clips.
It was almost maddening, but he couldn’t deny how his heart screamed with joy each time he was surprised by their openness, their intensity. If not a little embarrassing because they didn’t seem shy around saying it around the other crew members, as if it was everyday conversations.
It felt like acceptance, a feeling he couldn’t allow himself to bask in. They were just humoring him.
If he allowed himself to stop, stop his hands from doing something, it would break him. He needed to work; he needed to hand out the plentiful of desserts, clean up the counter space and countless dishes he used, lest he gets a bitching from Zoro about it after dinner, and—
“Wow! This is a lot of sweets! It looks yummy!” A voice erupted, the door’s hinges squeaking at the rough treatment of being shoved open without care. It warmed his heart, made his soul feel calm like very few could. “Is it someone’s birthday or something?”
He laughed at that, “No, Luffy, I just…got a little carried away with something. You can have whatever you like, I really made too much.”
Luffy stared down at the plentiful spread across the counter, before looking over his shoulder, where he stood by the sink, hopeful to get a head start on the dishes.
“Woah, those are a lot of those fruit things! You never let me have any of those! You only give them to Nami and Robin,” He pouted, puffing his cheeks out.
“That’s because they’re one of their favorites, but not yours or any of the other guys. The ladies prefer citrus and fruit flavors while the rest of you ungrateful guys crave sugar like you’ll die without it.”
“That’s ‘cause it’s super yummy, Sanji!”
“You do realize fruit has sugar in it naturally, right, Luffy?”
He stuck his tongue out. “Don’t care! Are they all for them? That’s so many!”
“Well, uh, no, like I said, got carried away. I didn’t really mean to make this much of anything, didn’t take everyone’s preferences into mind. That was stupid of me.”
“Why? We have a ton of treats now! Chopper’s gonna be so happy!”
“You guys are going to spoil your dinner!”
Luffy blinked at him, and yeah, that was a stupid statement.
“Don’t worry, Sanji, I’ll eat all of these and dinner! Promise!”
Sanji sighed, leaning back against the sink, watching Luffy’s hungry eyes rake over the fruit parfaits, waiting. “Don’t I know it, alright, but if you get a stomach ache, it’s not my problem!”
“Awesome!” Luffy snatched up two fruit parfaits, smiling greedily down at them. “Do you want some, Sanji?”
“No, I’m not really interested.”
Luffy frowned. “Why not? You made a lot, that means you want some too, right?”
“No, Luffy. I already told you I just got carried away. Just didn’t want to be in my head for a while so I completely baked entirely too much to try and stay out.”
Luffy tipped one of the parfaits back, like it was a drink, and Sanji watched horrified as it slid out like slop into his mouth. Without hesitation, Luffy happily swallowed it, and licked his lips, excited for more clearly.
“You’re supposed to eat those with spoons!”
“If I eat, it doesn’t matter how! I’m not making a mess!”
He rubbed his temples, his Captain would surely be the end of him one day.
“Hey, Sanji!”
“Yes, my annoying bastard of a Captain?”
“Why’d you want out of your head?”
He felt his mouth go dry.
“It’s nothing, Cap.”
Luffy frowned then, placing the glasses down. He knew he was in deep then.
“I move around too,” Luffy said, looking towards him. “When I think about Ace. I don’t like thinking about it. It makes me sad and there’s nothing to do about it.”
“For what it’s worth,” Sanji frowned. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there, Captain, to help you.”
Luffy offered him a smile but it was sad. Almost somber like.
“It’s okay, it’s not your fault. It’s the government. They sent you guys away and got Ace killed. Blackbeard too.”
Sanji tried to take Luffy’s words to heart, sometimes it was hard. It was really difficult being away from all of them, seeing Luffy in the paper, unable to do anything, constantly worrying if his crewmates needed him.
“But you’re sad too, right?”
He knew his Captain, while foolish and running wild, was oddly an observant person. He didn’t really have to say much, he just knew.
“I…guess so.”
“Can you do something about it?”
“I don’t—I don’t know what you mean, Captain.”
“Is it something you can make better?” Luffy asked, smiling wider. “Like when I’m sad when I’m hungry and you make me really good food!”
“It’s a bit more than that, Cap.”
“But can you?”
“I don’t know. It’s something I’ve always dealt with, Luffy, even before meeting Zeff. It’s not right.” Sanji gulped, his throat dry. He couldn’t lie to his Captain. “I’m scared what’ll happen. Don’t know if I even know how.”
Luffy’s arms stretched forward, wrapping around him until Luffy’s body planted into him. It was something he did often, whenever he wanted attention or just to cuddle.
“When Ace died, I figured out somethin’.” Luffy said into his shoulder. “You guys are my family too. You’re my brother too.”
Those words felt too soft, too kind, too important for anyone to lay on someone like him, harboring a dangerous secret like this.
“You shouldn’t hide from us,” Luffy tightened his arms. “Captain’s orders!”
Despite all Sanji’s grievances, he couldn’t disappoint Luffy.
“Just…” He wrapped his arms around his Captain, guilty that Luffy had to bring up such bad memories to comfort him. “Give me a bit more time?”
Luffy jumped off him, landing on his feet. “Alright!”
He rubbed the back of his neck, sheepish to be found out like that.
“Take whatever you guys want, I’ll go give the ladies their share.”
“Really? Awesome!”
Dressrosa was a beautiful country, far more than he could have imagined in his wildest dreams. Filled with colorful buildings, brick roads, and it was like the entire country was smiling when they arrived, not an unhappy soul in sight. Though, seeing alive toys, dancing and prancing about with humans was a strange thing to comprehend. Islands in the New World were completely different beasts compared to where he’s from. He’s seen countless of strange things; shadowed zombies, beating hearts captured in a strange cube barrier, the list could go on for hours.
They’re trying to keep a low profile in the city, as toys and citizens surround them, and he has to admit, Kin’emon’s disguise isn’t exactly what he had in mind, but he had to trust the plan. Stay low, do investigation about the location of the factory producing these Smile fruit. He still wasn’t sure why Law wanted these things destroyed so badly, other than to make Kaido angry, which seems more dangerous than what it’s worth.
But then, Luffy never did like to go down the easy road, only his road, and well, he was crew, it was his job to follow Captain’s orders. Including…
There are countless shops, you know, in the land of Dressrosa. Gorgeous ladies surrounding him as he looks over the plaza, with stores filled with your every want and desire. It’s the shopping plaza for the entire country it seemed, packed beyond reason, and people bustling in and out stores, with countless bags on their arms as they walked and chatted. It was like something out of a dream.
He allowed himself inside one, with roses displayed outside and a sign that clearly marked itself as a clothing store. He told himself it was to investigate this country further, to find out the secrets beneath it, but really, he was curious.
When he stepped in, he was greeted by a lovely lady behind the counter. A beautiful smile, an endearing aura, but Sanji had to restrain himself, not drop to his knees and tell her just how lovely she looked, how wonderful of a store this was. Racks were filled with gorgeous colors and fabrics, certainly a land fond of fashion, and jewelry lining the glass cases. He could even see a section decked for shoes, with shelves showing off the newest designs of heels plastered on the top.
He doesn’t think anything shady is going on here, or that any customers, lovely ladies as they are, would know the inner workings of the country or its devious plans lurking beneath. He doesn’t see anymore that screams part of the Donflamingo family, like Law warned them about. Yet, he couldn’t step away from the charming shop. The smell of flowers coated the shop, it was so inviting and calm, despite the bustling plaza just outside its doors.
His eyes warned, as women were down every aisle, he was a stranger in this place. An outlier, like he’s always been, but…
He had an order, straight from his Captain’s lip, and he could never deny Luffy a thing.
That line he drew, long ago, filled with the shame and embarrassment from what he is, he finally stepped over.
He wasn’t sure what to get, or what would even bother to fit him, as they weren’t meant for his body size. He was tall, muscular in all the wrong places, and his body was not soft in the slightest like theirs.
He started looking at the dresses, peering over the designs and feeling the soft fabric between his fingers. He yearns deeply, like he never has before, emboldened by Luffy’s orders and Nami’s knowing mind. It makes him want to accept it, but it’s so hard, after denying for so long. He can’t hope they would accept him, that they won’t laugh at him when he steps out as his true self, horrid as it is.
He doesn’t know how to shake the shame or the guilt. What would Zeff say when he read the papers?
It was swallowing him whole, but a dress caught his eye. Typical of him, it was white slate with a blue flower pattern, almost like they were dancing in the wind. As he moved the fabric with his hand, dragging it down the dress, he noticed how free and flowy it is, despite being longer than he’s usually used to seeing. Something this was probably meant to go down to their feet, but on him, it probably met his knees. It had a high neckline, modest, with short shoulders, almost ruffly.
He dragged his thumb across the fabric, feeling the texture of the outside fabric. It had a layer underneath, the white canvas, which was soft and smooth. He knew it would feel divine against his body.
Against his better judgement and between the guilt of making those who knew waiting, he slung on his arm, feeling his face heat up. Hopefully, the workers and ladies around him would think he got it for a friend or maybe even a lover. If only he was that lucky.
Truthfully, he wanted to stay there, to bask in its glory, but he knew they had to run. It was only a matter of time before Luffy did something stupid, as he always does, and got them caught, which was the last thing they wanted, especially this mission. It was inevitable, so he needed to find out information and make a move, fast.
He thanked the cashier, announcing how he adored her beauty, before exiting the shop with a paper bag handle hanging off his wrists. He was allowed to walk for a bit, trying to zone in on the chatter to see if he could catch anything, but of course, it’s not like anyone would just say it out in the open.
He didn't have much more time to eavesdrop on strangers because a woman with dark hair and roses in her hair caught his arm, clinging to it, and begging for his help. Naturally, he couldn’t deny a lady’s request.
Everything has gone to shit. His shoulder aches against its wrapping, as they sway on the water, heading towards Zou, just like their Captain ordered. Something didn’t feel right about a lot of this. Leaving his Captain behind would always feel wrong, but it was his orders, and he knew better than to deny them. He knew Luffy could handle himself, after all, he wasn’t alone there. Zoro, Robin, and Usopp were by his side, along with Law, who was a strong fighter himself. His devil fruit was definitely a handy one, that’s for sure. He trusted them to make it out to the other side and find them at Zou.
His arm aches with the movement, the heat of the kitchen making him sweat underneath his jacket, and well, everything is sore, in a different way. Even with that pain soaring through him, familiar as he is with this sort of thing, he couldn’t shake why Big Mom’s ship was at Dressrosa. Sure, he was there when Luffy mouthed off to Big Mom over the candy, but hunting them down, stalking them to Dressrosa? This was excessive. Was this what it meant to exchange those sorts of words with an Emperor?
They already had one Emperor they had to fight: Kaido. He was considered an undeniable, horrible beast who couldn’t be beat or killed, from what the papers read and the whispers of the town told him. Fighting with another one, being chased by one, would complicate matters into fighting Kaido, going to Wano where he resides.
“Sanji!” A voice called him out of his overthinking, worrying about each inch of their plan. It could fall apart in an instant, just like it did here. Donflamingo and his crew already knew of their plans when they had arrived on the island. If it wasn’t for a stroke of luck and the earnest heart of Dressrosa’s true princess, Viola, they would have never made it out there alive. They probably would have been turned into toys, forced to serve in that downtrodden factory, themselves. “What are you doing? I told you that you needed to go easy on your shoulder! You’re still hurting!”
“Calm down, Chopper, it isn’t a big deal,” He tried to assure him, smiling back down at him. The poor thing was sniffling angry, hoofs somehow curled. “It doesn’t hurt that much, thanks to the medicine you gave me. Did real wonders.”
Chopper’s nose twitched a couple times, before a full outright grin transformed on his face. He began kicking at the ground, his body swaying with joy. “That doesn’t make me happy, you jerk!”
“‘Course,” He replied, knowing. He turned back to the stove, stirring the contents.
“You still really shouldn’t be overstraining yourself! We don’t know what we’ll find on Zou.” Chopper frowned again, ever the worrywart.
“It’s my job to cook for the crew, Chopper,” He sighed, frustrated but understanding where the young reindeer was coming from. It’s too bad, along with Zoro and Luffy, he was one of his worst patients. “You’ve got to let me do that or we’ll all starve, alright?”
Chopper shuffled on his hoofs, unsure, before nodding. “Just take it easy? Please? You know your food is good, no matter what, either way!”
“Of course, I made it after all.”
“That’s right, Sanji’s food is always the best!”
“Now scatter, let me focus on doing what I do.” He waved him off. He sighed with relief when he heard the sounds of his hoofs clacking against the wooden floorboards, the whine of the door’s hinges as it opened, and the soft click it made when it was pulled back shut.
This was more like it. The sound of sizzling meat, vegetables charring in the pain, being embound with the delicious fatty and savory flavors, spreading to the rice, that browned with each second in the pan delightly.
Happily, he placed his tray on the counter space. Taking plates out of the cabinets, he began carefully preparing his famous hearty stir-fry on the plates. He wiped the edges of the porcelain dishware to make sure they were clean, without a spot of mess and shined looking back at him. He went to the window, where a couple of plants sat, smaller than the rest. No reason to add them to the garden pots by lovely Robin’s flowers when they could sit on the windowsill, with light flowing in, and with a quick spray would be more than full of energy. Carefully grasping, he ripped a few leaves off, delicately placing it over the dish to look more elegant and presentable. You eat with your eyes, after all.
He picked up the tray, his hand firm on the bottom grasping it, and he exited his gallery. The smell of the sea gave his senses a refreshment from being cooped up in the kitchen, surrounded by strong smells of the grilled meat and charring vegetables.
He happily handed them out to everyone. Momonosuke and Brook smiling brightly at the sight of him walking towards them, two plates of steaming food placed in front of them. Despite what a brat Momonosuke could be at times, it was always heartwarming to see how gratefully he began chowing down when it was time to eat.
“Nami, dear! It’s lunch time!” He grinned happily, bending down and placing the plate on the table next to her.
“Already, huh?” He pulled her sunglasses down, peering up at the sky and then back at Sanji. “Thanks, you’re the best. It would’ve blown right past me if it wasn’t for you.”
“Of course, dear, that’s my job, after all! No one goes hungry on our Captain’s ship.” He grinned back at her, before straightening himself up and folding the tray underneath his arm. “I’ll leave you to do your hard work then.”
“Actually, Sanji, hold on a minute.” She reached over, grasping on the edge of his jacket. “Where’s your portion?”
“Ah, well, I was just going to eat in the gallery before I start cleaning up from lunch.”
She hummed. “How about you spend lunch with me then?”
“Oh, I couldn’t bother you, Nami! You’re working so hard to make sure we arrive in Zou, after all!”
“Law gave me a Vivre card of one of his crew who’s on the island, it’s hardly work. Just letting the paper guide me.”
“Don’t underestimate yourself, love.”
She smirked at that. “Neither should you. Come on, you don’t want to leave a lady like me waiting, right?”
His heart soared, more than eager to be any service he could to a lady. “Of course, let me grab my plate and I’ll join you for a terrific lunch! With such great company, I don’t know how the food could ever compare.”
“Don’t be silly now.” Nami grinned brightly. He smiled back, a little nervous, and turned back to his gallery. Placing his tray down to be put away later, he grabbed his plate, and took his spot next to Nami.
His mouth was watering, the smell of the delicious stir-fry was almost overwhelming. He hadn’t realized how hungry he had been, from his fights on Dressrosa to continuing his work in the kitchen. Sitting down now, he feels a little exhausted.
His spoon scraped up a mouthful of the stir-fry and he took a gentle bite. He was taught manners after all. He didn’t eat it with his hands or scarf it down like a brute, like Zoro or Luffy did. It was warm, soothing his nerves and making him relax further into the chair. It was so comfortable.
“So,” Nami started, smiling at him as she ate. “Did you figure it out?”
“Hm,” He hummed, taking a bite. “What do you mean, dear Nami?”
She smiled towards him, almost knowing, and asked, “Did you figure out why you felt wrong, after we switched back?”
In a matter of an instant, his body wound up tight like a spring, and the spoon clattered on his plate, reeled from the sudden question.
That’s right, this is where he was when they had their little talk.
“I,” He stuttered, not sure what to say. The shame told him to shut up. His pride told him he should never lie to a lady. “Um, well,”
“I already know, Sanji,” She says, almost like she’s trying to comfort him. “You don’t have to hide from any of us, none of us would care, y’know? Doesn’t change anything about you.”
He has to disagree, it would change everything.
“You know that’s…not true.”
“Oh? So you’ve figured it out then.” She says with a smile. He’s a mouse caught in a trap. “Come on, it’s me, Sanji. You can be truthful with me.”
“I…I can’t be that, you know it, right. That? That is shameful. It’s embarrassing. It would make our crew look like fools. Nami, please, don’t let anyone know about it.”
“But what about your mentor, Iva? The people who trained you during those two years we were apart?”
“That’s different, dear.”
“How so?”
“Because—because they’re all like that. There’s an understanding there.”
“I’ll give you this, Sanji, I can’t say to understand or know fully, but I can tell you one thing. We all will understand. Anyone who has an issue or a problem with it can take it up with me.”
“I don’t deserve that, dear.”
“Why not?” Her nose scrunched up. “Think about it, Sanji, this is just you. It answers more questions than it raises. You’ve been obsessed with women from the moment I met, probably way before that, and this—who you are—just clicks it all into place. You can say it, no one here will judge.”
“Then what happens after, dear? What then?”
“Then you let the crew know,” She smiled. “Then we go shopping. We enlist Chopper’s help. You’re one of us, you’re our crew, we help our crew. Right?”
The shame feels like bile coming up his throat.
“I can’t, I’ll disappoint everyone. You know that.”
“No, what I know is that everyone will be happy that you’re happy and free. That you trust us enough, that you’re relying on us.”
“I can’t.” He shakes his head.
She reaches over, grabbing his hand.
“Yes, you can.” Nami smiles softly. She rubs her thumb across his knuckles. “Come on, say it.”
He shakes his head.
“You can say it, it’s going to be alright. We’re going to accept you. It’s you, Sanji, and we love you.”
His mouth quivers as he opens it. Unsure if he should believe her. It goes against everything he knows.
Then she tightens her grip on his hand, urging him, and he can’t say no to her.
“I’m—I’m a woman.”
She grins, so bright, and says, “Yes, you are, Sanji.”
This could possibly be her worst nightmare, a secret she’s kept hidden for the shame that was eating her for years, for daring to have these thoughts and feelings. Nami said nothing would change, Nami said they would accept him, that this was not her shame to bear, yet she had a hard time believing that. She remembers whispering to her mother in the medical bay how she wanted to be pretty and nice like how, how her dutiful mother laughed it off. She remembers Judge finding out these thoughts that consumed her, only to worsen her “training”, allowing her brothers to do whatever they pleased, to make her remember the wretched body she was really in. She was weak, unlike them, but she was a boy.
Nami holds her hand, clutching it in her own. She’s smiling up at her, even though it should ease all her worries and concerns, she feels guilty when it doesn’t. She doesn’t know how to unwrap all the shame she feels, how her body quivers and shakes in Nami’s hold. How does she begin to explain how she’s been plumbed into never accepting this side of her? How could anyone understand, let alone, accept her?
With shaking lips, she tells the truth.
“I’m—I’m a woman,” She repeats with the crew gathered alone. It’s just the four of them; herself, Nami, Brook, and Chopper, but it still feels like the entire world is gazing on her. “I’ve known, well, forever really, but it’s not. It’s not the kind of thing people accept. I don’t expect that of you guys either, I know—”
Nami glares up at her. “What Sanji means to say to everyone is that she’s a woman! She’s coming out to us and we should be really supportive! That means from now on, no more using male pronouns for her alright! If I catch anyone, I’m cracking your skull open. Got it?”
Not quite the message she was trying to portray really.
“Oh my,” Brook laughs, his bones shaking. “I remember there was something like this on my ship, long ago! All sorts of people are on the sea after all. Who knew there was another damsel on board this entire time?”
She felt herself get hot, hearing someone else refer to her as a woman. How it wasn’t as strange as she thought.
Momonosuke, who had been quiet during her talk with the crew, spoke softly. “You—you remind me of someone I knew back home. She’s like you too.”
It was strange to think someone like Momo, and to an extent Kin’emon, had known someone just like her. Especially considering their tendencies to be old-fashioned and traditional.
She almost felt normal at his words.
“Sanji!” Chopper perked up, jumping up from off the ground. “I don’t know much about this stuff, but I promise I’ll learn for you! I’m really sorry but we don’t have enough stuff to start hormones for you, none of us have needed it before…”
“Hormones?” She asked, squatting down to Chopper’s level.
“Yeah! I might not know a lot but I do know a few things. A lot of people like you experience a lot of relief when starting certain hormones! Hormones can help biologically change your body to add more feminine traits. For your case, you might experience less body hair, more body fat, and softer skin! It can even change your voice, for some people, but not all experiences are the same.”
“I didn’t know all that,” She admitted, amazed. “I spent, well, so long avoiding and suppressing it that—that I never bothered to wonder how.”
“That’s what I’m here for, to support you!” Chopper grinned widely, almost excitedly. “We could’ve started it years ago if you told me.”
“I—I know, I never meant, well, I never planned on telling anyone this.” She admitted, “Much less my crew, but then—then Law happened, our bodies got switched, and I felt this, like, euphoria, only to be sent back to my body. It sent me reeling, I…”
“That’s understandable!” Chopper nodded. “But don’t worry, I’m sure Zou will have some great ingredients, but until then, socially transitioning is the best option!”
She nods, feeling a buzz in her skin, excited more than she’s ever allowed herself to be.
“Y’know Sanji,” Brook tilted to the side. “You can dress however you like around us. I’m sure you would look brilliant, in fact, may I see your—”
Nami hit him on the head.
This was so weird for her, having her crew accept her, even try to help her. It was all so surreal.
“Much as a pervert he is, he’s right, y’know.” Nami grinned over at her. “We should go shopping, us girls. I bet with your long legs, dresses and skirts would look great on you.”
She felt her face go warm. “Well, um, truthfully…”’
“Oh?” Brook laughed his usual yohoho. “Do you already have one, Sanji?”
“Um, just one. I picked it up from Dressrosa’s market.” She looks down.
“That’s wonderful, you’ve got to wear it and show!” Nami smiled excitedly. “Go, go, get it on!”
Nami pushed at her shoulders, ushering her on. Wow, this was happening. She almost can’t believe it.
When she finally makes her way to her room, finding the dress tucked away in a bag in a box in the deepest part of her corner, she sighs. She’d never thought she’d wear this, but here she is, opening the box, taking out the sundress. It’s as pretty as the day she brought it. Carefully, she slips into it.
It feels like coming home. The fabric is so soft and delicate that it makes her feel pretty, even when she knows right now, she has too many masculine features to pass. She steps out of the room, towards the main area of the ship, earning surprised gasps and whistles. It’s a little embarrassing.
“I didn’t take you for the modest type, but yeah, actually it suits you well.” Nami looks her up and down, approving.
“You look so pretty, Sanji!” Chopper dances around, staring up at her with stars in his eyes.
Even Brook compliments her, “You look positively charming!”
She mutters out an embarrassed, flushed quiet thank you, surprised by all the kindness and acceptance they exude.
Nami grinned, taking her arm. “Come on, I’ve got to teach you all the ways girls make themselves pretty. Don’t let anyone die while I’m gone!”
She drags her off, as Brook laughs shouting, “We’ll certainly try, yohoho!”
Nami excitedly explains a lot of things to her. She offers to share her bath items, noting a lady always likes to smell nice. She’s more a citrus preferrer, but if she prefers vanilla scents more, Robin has those, who’s already in the know and okay with it. She teaches her how to shave so there’s no strawberry spots left on her body. How even though her hair is short right now she can still do a lot with it, happily holding her hand through the entire process.
It feels real, she’s a woman and that’s okay. Her face is shaved, her hair curled a little to give dimension like Nami said, and her dress sways around her perfectly. She’s so glad she went with a flowy dress.
“Look at you, you’ll blow Zoro’s socks off looking like that!” She grins, knowingly.
Sanji gasps, affronted. “Don’t be ridiculous!”
“Oh come on, he’s stupid for you.”
“I have to disagree, dear,” She shakes her head, lowering her gaze down. “Not to mention, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Zoro be interested in any woman. Let alone me.”
“Don’t underestimate him,” Nami tsks. “You never know until you try.”
He could never actively argue with Nami, not when she’s been so kind and understanding throughout the entire process. Are her feelings that clear for Zoro? Won’t this change things?
Yet, she finds herself giddy, as she resumes her role as their cook, heading back to the kitchen, starting to prepare for lunch.
She’s never been happier, a knife in hand, and the sound of her crew members just outside that door.