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Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Summary:

Kaveh is running late for a client meeting and in his rush, misunderstands something Al-Haitham says. Al-Haitham reaps the unexpected benefits, if you could call a heart attack that.

or:
Kaveh kisses Al-Haitham goodbye before work the first time and Al-Haitham needs a system reboot.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

It’s eight minutes until Kaveh’s meeting with a client and he had only just gotten out of bed (after a whopping three hours of sleep) so naturally, he is a frazzled mess. He changes into some passably decent clothes after a very quick shower, shoves blueprints into Mehrak’s storage, and decides to forgo breakfast entirely save for the single steaming cup of coffee that Al-Haitham wordlessly hands to him with an exasperated frown at Kaveh running all over the house in a rush.

The coffee is too sweet as usual because Al-Haitham, growing up a sweet-tooth that got endlessly spoiled by his grandmother, likes to dump an ungodly amount of sugar into his coffee. Kaveh makes a face but he’s running late so he’ll take what he can get. He doesn’t have time for their usual bickering of “You’ll get diabetes by forty-five,” followed by the quick response of “And you’ll get scoliosis by thirty. Stop hunching over your desk so much when you’re working, I doubt you have the funds for medical fees,” to which Kaveh will either reply with a “But as my junior, you’ll take care of me, won’t you?” or kick him from under the table where they’re sharing their breakfast together and pretend not to notice the small smile that has crept onto Al-Haitham’s face. Nope, he does not have time for that so he chugs the too-sweet coffee in one go, places the mug in the sink for Al-Haitham to deal with and is already tugging his shoes on at their front door.

As he’s pulling them on, he goes through his mental checklist of Things to Bring.
Mehrak? Check. Notes and blueprints? Check. The client’s contract? Also check. With six minutes remaining, no less. The walk to the café he’s meeting the client at is a good five minutes away. Four if he walks slightly faster and three if the neighbourhood stray cats decide not to bombard him with their irresistible eyes and cries for food. With one extra minute for adjustment, (because Kaveh could never count on his luck to do him favours) he should arrive just in time for the meeting and the client will be none the wiser of the fact that he had only woken up twenty minutes ago.

Just as he’s about to leave with Mehrak trailing happily behind him, there’s a cough from the hallway and one Al-Haitham leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Kaveh turns, blinks, and runs through his mental checklist once, twice and a third time again for good measure. He’s got everything he needs to show the client, his wallet for a proper meal later, and Mehrak’s been fully charged since last night. He shoots a questioning look at Al-Haitham only to find him staring back with his infuriating signature I’m-being-a-little-shit-on-purpose smirk. Bastard, Kaveh thinks to himself. What else could he possibly be...?

Oh!

The only warning Al-Haitham gets before very nearly being sent into cardiac arrest is the amused smile on Kaveh’s face and the way he visibly softens. Suddenly he’s right in front of him and pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. He does it so casually, so naturally, as if this was just another part of their little morning routine. As if they'd done this a thousand times before and as if the mere thought of Kaveh kissing him goodbye before work doesn't send Al-Haitham's heart into overdrive. “I’ll be back in an hour or two, don’t forget to water the plants,” Kaveh tells him brightly, “Love you, bye Haitham!”

He turns and leaves just like that, unaware and completely oblivious to the damage done. Al-Haitham is left alone standing at the doorway staring uncomprehendingly as if frozen in time, at the head of blonde hair disappearing further and further into the daily hustle and bustle of the city and a palm pressed to where Kaveh had kissed him.

Archons, Kaveh had kissed him.

Once, Mehrak had been malfunctioning. Totally glitched out and was completely frozen, unable to carry out whatever command Kaveh had tried to throw at her. The simple solution in the end had been to turn her off and then back on. A reboot, yes. Was there a human equivalent for that? Perhaps a topic of research for another day, Al-Haitham noted absently. It could really be useful in the future, especially if Kaveh decides this was not going to be a one-time thing. He does not think he could handle being sent to Bimarstan for heart attacks daily.

It’s only after ten minutes of staring blankly that he regains his wits and mutters softly to the space between them, “I love you too…Be safe,” hoping irrationally that somehow, the words would reach Kaveh. He trudges back into the warmth of their house, feeling a little more like he's floating than walking and tries to pick up the book he had been in the middle of. Safe to say, only three pages were read by the end of the day.

It isn’t until later, when Kaveh is ordering food to go at Lambad’s that the realization dawns on him and the horror starts to sink in.

 

“My key!”

Notes:

Hello! Not sure how many people will even be reading this but I thought I'd post it anyway. This is my first fic ever and English is not my first language so apologies for any errors. Constructive criticism is very much welcome and appreciated <3 We're starting off the year strong by posting a fic and ofc it's about these two sillies (the brainrot is real)

Happy New Year, and thanks for reading! Have a good 2025!