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Looking at herself in the mirror, Edain observed how the robes pressed against her body, and sighed at the image before her. Of course, it was still early, yet a part of her had perhaps hoped that she'd progressed faster than anticipated. Yet, she had assisted many women going through the same enough times to have little reason to doubt her own experience – she knew she was still at a stage where it could go either way, too soon to tell.
Even so... Despite having promised herself she wouldn't say a thing until she knew for sure, she wished with all her heart she could have just told Jamke already. She hated keeping secrets like this.
Speaking of secrets... Edain had taken note of the way Jamke seemed far more prone to brooding these days. He'd often retreat to a small office space he'd claimed for himself, and spend many hours there without saying anything of what'd he'd done in there afterwards. It wasn't enough to make Edain worried, but... It had been long enough that it was probably best to ask, just in case.
As she'd expected, Jamke was indeed in that little office, leaning back in a chair and looking mighty dissatisfied with himself. Edain suspected the open journal and the quill begging to be used next to it might have had something to do with it.
- Dear? Edain called out carefully. - May... May I come in?
Jamke appeared a little surprised to see her, but didn't object. She walked up to him and placed her hands reassuringly on his shoulders before sneaking a glance at the journal. It was scribbled with all manner of things, but they'd all been struck over, and she couldn't read a word. The tenseness of Jamke's muscles didn't bode well either.
- Do you want to talk about it? She offered.
With a sigh, Jamke motioned for her to come closer, and once she was sitting snugly on his lap with her arms around his neck – a favourite position of both of them when they were alone – he began speaking.
- Just been thinking about something a lot lately. About Verdane, and the world in general. You probably didn't get the best impression of Verdane on your first visit...
His lips were drawn to a wry smile, but Edain's giggle seemed to put him at ease.
- Perhaps not. But it wasn't all bad, she said, stroking his chest. - It's where I met you, after all.
- Right, Jamke said, smiling now with a tinge of red on his cheeks. - It has its perks, definitely. But it is also true there is a lot that needs fixing.
With seriousness returning to his expression, Jamke thought for a bit before continuing.
- My father... He recognized it too. Before the war, he really was set on taking steps in the right direction, Jamke said. - As it stands, Verdane could never accept a crown princess. Why, there are still many commoners who could never celebrate the birth of a daughter. And the boys, well, I don't know if they have it much better. Not with all this expectation put on them. Just seemed like a system ready to burst. But at the same time, I get how it got that way. So that's what my father was trying to do, to change those things that got us here, and see if that wouldn't lead to good things in the future.
- Your father was a wise man, Edain said. - To try and understand the underlying causes in society instead of making hasty assumption and implementing superficial solutions... It speaks of how much he truly cared for Verdane.
- But as you saw, it didn't last. Not when the invasion began, Jamke said, bitterly at first, though his tone soon shifted to be more apologetic. - I mean, I know we're not blameless. Letting my brothers and Sandima do as they liked, but regardless... Once the hard times began, all that change my father had hoped for was out the window. In fact, I'd say things even got worse.
How deeply he sighed spoke of the weight these thoughts put on his shoulders.
- That's always the thing with war, isn't it? Society reverts back to the comfortable bad habits... And it doesn't take a clairvoyant to tell this war is going to continue for quite a bit longer. The societal unrest following that even longer. I suspect things will get a lot worse everywhere before they get better.
Jamke motioned towards the scribbled journal.
- Now, I've no illusions I'll be put in charge of Verdane in my lifetime. But even as a common man, I figured there has to be something I can do, he said. - Just a little something to make things better. I didn't think much of it before, but time in this army... Marrying you... Jamke looked up at Edain, an adoring smile brightening his face for just a second. - It really put things into perspective. I mean, one day, you and I will have kids, right?
Edain's heart jumped at the words, but if this showed on her face, Jamke must not have noticed, as he continued, a bit grimmer again:
- …I just don't want our kids' destinies to be decided the moment they're born. I just want them to be themselves, to do what will make them happy... Not be forced into a box. And if the world could accept that too, well... I think we'd all be better for it.
So this is what had been on Jamke's mind. Edain understood now the sullen air that had surrounded her husband as of late. What a burden it must have been, to have this desire for change in times like these! She felt sorry he had had to shoulder it without saying a thing, and yet... At the same time, she couldn't help but feel infinitely proud of him for having thought of it. To her, it spoke of what a kind soul Jamke had. He would have made a magnificent heir to his father's ideals.
Her silence must have given Jamke the wrong idea, as after a few seconds, he was quick to sputter out:
- I'm sorry, I'm talking crazy, aren't I? I mean, things are the way they are for a reason, and... If I can't think of anything to change it – well, clearly, I can't – then, perhaps it's not my place---
- No. I think you're doing a wonderful thing, Edain said. - I whole-heartedly agree. Perhaps some things are indeed the way they are for a reason. But if we do not question them, how can we ever be sure?
She leaned closer, nuzzling his cheek, before giving him a playful look.
- But, I think you may have forgotten one important piece of the puzzle.
- Yes? Jamke eyes lit with a tentative glow. - You have an idea, Edain?
- Just a little one for now... But I think it'll help you greatly along the way, Edain looked at Jamke gently. - And it's that I'm your wife. Your burdens are my burdens. So long as we can think through them together, I am certain we can get through any trouble.
Blinking surprised at first, Jamke soon let out a chuckle, and Edain could feel some of the tension in his body leaving with it.
- Right, of course, he said sheepishly. - I uh... Might have thought this was something I had to bear on my own...
- But now you know that isn't the case, right? Edain said, and smiled. - And that's already one step towards progress. And we'll teach our children good, as well. That's another step. Progress may be slow, yes... But every step along the way counts.
It was a split second decision, but in that moment, Edain knew she wanted to tell him. Her future had never felt brighter than the day she had taken Jamke's hand in marriage, and every day, she was reminded of how lucky they were to have found each other. So she chose to have faith that this, too, would end in their happiness.
- With that in mind... I think it would be good to start thinking about what we can do to properly raise our children, Edain said, placing her hand on her belly. - After all... It's now more relevant than ever.
It took a few seconds for realization to dawn on Jamke, but it was not long before the look of shock was traded in for an overjoyed smile. With mirthful chuckle, he pulled Edain in for a embrace, and in that moment, as they held each other closer, their future felt brighter still.
Months later, when Jamke was sitting in the nursery, cradling baby Lana in his arms, he felt sorry change couldn't have come in time for her. But he still held hope in his heart that one day, if not in her lifetime, then in that of her children, or grandchildren, the world would be the bright and happy place that he and Edain had envisioned together.