Chapter Text
Lucifer had many punishments in hell, he hated most of them, they were tedious and awkward and the bane of his life. However there was one exception, one punishment that felt more like a gift, perhaps it was, one escape from the hell that was his life disguised as a curse. A final gift from his father.
Or maybe he just had poor judgement? He had infact intended it to be a curse, Lucifer was supposed to see how badly he had screwed up the fates of all of humanity, he was supposed to regret it. But we all know that Lucifer wasn't one for regret, he was the sin of pride for a reason, of course seeing how he had affected earth filled him with pride and joy. And what was the punishment in question you ask? It was of course that Lucifer would never rest or escape the realities of what his gift of free will had done, that when he slept his consciousness would be transported to a mimic of his own body only more "normal". He would feel what it was like to be human, how they lived in the world he had created.
He was supposed to hate it but instead he had only found joy in this curse. He marvelled at the way humans lived, how they exercised the gift of free will and how they were all so unique. Back in Eden Lucifer liked it a bit less, it only reminded him of what he was missing but from only a century or so layer he loved it. Through all the power surges and wars there was still light shining through the dark, moments of pure humanity that showed why for all the bad it has caused Lucifers gift was worth it.
Humans were interesting, no one was pure good or evil no matter how they may seem and Lucifer was intrigued by this or more importantly one particular human who was a prime example of their mixed personality.
Alastor was everything Lucifer ever could of hoped for humans with free will, he was determined, passionate, kind and had a great moral compass but he had a bite to him, a danger that would not have been allowed in God's ideas for humanity. Was his methods of justice a bit on the more chaotic side? God yes! But Lucifer would be a hypocrite to chastise him for it, he may not have had his more peculiar tastes in food but in terms of revenge and violence they weren't all that dissimilar.
Despite all this Lucifer still didn't know how he ended up in the situation he was in now, spending his days Lillith all while desperately trying to be as close to Charlie as possible and his nights being scandalously close with the classy cannibal he so loved. Now before you go accusing Lucifer of ruining his family for the sake of a mortal man do know that him and Lillith had been divorced long before the man he knew now had even been born, time worked differently for demons, children grew older much slower and time flew by for the ancient ones much faster. Lillith and Lucifer decided to remain in the same household playing the happy family for all of hell atleast until Charlie was old enough to understand and choose who she wanted to stay with which in her case wouldn't be until she was atleast a century old, she wasn't exactly a normal child.
Lucifer didn't mind this arrangement, Charlie idolised her mother and he knew that at this age and likely for most of her life she would not understand all the pain she caused Lucifer and that he was not in the wrong though Lillith may say otherwise. He was better living miserablely like this for a century keeping to his side of the palace while Lillith kept to her much larger section of if, taking the few scraps of interaction with Charlie he could get.
It wasn't as bad as it seemed though, he had his aforementioned escape from hell, a home on earth with a partner he loved so dearly, the one who doted on him constantly, who laughed at his jokes and danced with him late into the night as they listened to jazz on the radio. They spent mornings quietly talking about anything and everything, nights curled up beneath the sheets innocently holding each other close, days off playing their instruments together in a melody of sounds that stuck in Lucifers head throughout his waking hellish hours. Nothing could've beaten this.
Even throughout the days on earth where they would talk to others in public saying that they lived together for convenience to save money, what's wrong with two old friends making the most of what they have? With all of the strange looks when people seemed to see even a little through their lie or as strangers cast them a disgusted glance ad they passed them on the streets or offensive shop keepers not long gone missing after calling them horrible offensive names. With all of this Lucifer still would rather be nowhere else. He spent the majority of his days in bed, only waking to eat and drink, something he didn't physically have to do to survive but felt the loss of when he evaded reality nonetheless. Even when he stayed awake throughout the day he barely saw Charlie anyway, the few rimes she would visit his workshop were short lived as her mother quickly ushered her away.
It was no suprise when early into Charlie's metaphorical teen years Lillith had told Lucifer that she was leaving for good and taking their daughter with her, but it hurt nonetheless. He spent the following hours crying himself to sleep and when he finally found himself in the comfort of his human bed he waited for Alastor to return home from his broadcast, sobbing into his arms once he did. Alastor knew vaguely of Lillith and Charlie, a human version of them that lived a few towns over. Lucifer had told him his wife had left leaving him alone, that he did not miss his ex but it was his child he truly felt the loss of. Of course it was a twisted version of the truth but the truth nonetheless. So when Alastor walked into his room that day to see his partner balled up and shaking Lucifer told him that Lillith had taken their daughter with her to live in another country and he would lucky to even recieve a monthly letter from her.
He spent the next decade in slumber, his real body still in hell as letters from the sins piled up at his front door, as Lillith overtook his political position in hell, as his daughter slowly learnt not to expect him to respond to her requests of meetings. To him hell had nothing to offer, the little he would have seen his daughter would only serve as a reminder of all that could nor be and he wouldn't take that, no instead he stayed the one place he knew someone still loved him.
The days on Earth were the best of his life, it beat Eden, Heaven and everything he had ever experienced in hell, he finally felt what true unconditional love felt like. But he knew it would one day end, humans are mortal, he knew that and he knew that the one true downside to his nightly "punishment" from God was that he could not track down anyone from his human life in hell. It was designed as a way to protect sinners, they expected Lucifer to be angry, to hunt down those who he had seen do wrong on earth. Of course he had never considered doing this but the barricade was there either way, when it came to it,hopefully a long long time from now Lucofer would not be able to find Alastor in hell unless he approached him. He could not recognise the man nor track him down or even hear of his name and whereabouts without direct contact and confrontation.
Of course Lucifer was not a lucky man though, whatever he wanted was always harshly ripped away from him. Alastor died in his late thirties, only 15 years since their relationship had began.
Lucifer waited and waited that night, the tense feeling of dread and fear he had felt all day getting heavier and heavier the further from Alastors usual arrival time home it got. Alastor was not a man who was often late, he was time orientated and cherished every second, he would not be late home without a reason.
Eventually Lucifer couldn't take it any longer, he tapped into his powers, something that was already hard on earth made worse that he had not used them in over a decade. He regretted it once he dis though, visions of Alastor with pale lifeless eyes and blood dripping down his forehead filled his mind, his soul. Lucifer had reached out his soul to Alastors to find him, his consciousness reaching to intertwine with Alastors, he could feel his pain. Although he was cold now he could feel what had happened, he lived through what his partner fortunately had not, he felt his body being torn apart peice by peice by hunter dogs. Alastor had been lucky, the shot was an instant kill he hadn't seen coming, it was almost painless as he was transported to another world, Lucifer was not so lucky.
For all the physical pain that his angelic body would not bare, unable to be damaged in that way, for all of the violence and gore that was not what hurt him the most. It was the reality that Alastor was gone, that he may never find him again. He may never feel the warmth of his skin again, his one comfort in the cold dark life he had to call his own was gone. He couldn't see his daughter and now he couldn't save him.