Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The Pendragon Manor was silent. The only noise that ever came out of it was when the great grandfather clock would strike twelve. But other than that, it was as silent as a graveyard. The staff of the manor did their work quietly. The two young maids of the house would do their chores without any side chatter that was normal for young women of their age and the two older maids would dust without engaging in conversation. The housekeeper looked on without uttering a word. The gardener outside didn't whistle as he clipped the thorns off of the roses. The cook prepared the food quietly. The footman waited at the door, standing tall and silent. Even the young stable boy, only of thirteen years, didn't attempt any mischief with his slingshot.

The Pendragon children were no different.

The first was Peter Pendragon. He had blonde hair, clear-blue eyes like water and ears that stuck out. He wasn't an unattractive child, none of the Pendragon children were. Peter was nine-years-old and the oldest of four children. The second was Daisy Pendragon. She was raven-haired and pale skinned. She was seven-years-old and was the only girl and also the only one with dark tresses. The third was Michael Pendragon, five-years-old, then the final one was Simon Pendragon who had just been born a few days ago.

The children all slept in the nursery room, including baby Simon. There they had their private lessons and played as well but never made a racket, for they knew if they did, they would disturb their sickly mother and anger their father. But the only one who didn't seem to care about this rule was little Simon who always squalled. Papa Pendragon never got angry at Simon, he just looked nervous as if the babe might catch on fire any moment.

~cieux vides~

Today Peter decided to read. Today he didn't have any lessons and he didn't want to play in the nursery where Simon was asleep in his crib and Daisy was having a tea-party with her dolls. While he was heading to the manor's library, he heard the pitter-patter of little feet behind him. Peter didn't need to turn to know who it was. He stopped and allowed Michael to catch up. “Big brother, I want to read too.” said Michael with a smile on his rosy-cheeked face.

“Alright. But when we get there you can't pester me. And if father is there, we have to leave. Don't ask why.” They got to the library. There was Gauis the butler. Since today there was no lessons, he was taking a breather and looking over the spines of books in the literature section.

“Hello, young masters.” he said. The two blonde boys greeted him back. Peter went to the children's aisle and picked out 'Alice in Wonderland'. He sat by the window and began to read. Shortly, Michael began to demand attention.

“Big brother, I can't reach the book I want.”

“Tell Gauis.”

“But Gauis is busy.”

“Well, so am I.”

“Please, big brother?”

A sigh, then, “Alright.”

Michael took Peter's hand and led him towards the encyclopedias. He pointed at the book he wanted. Peter had to stand on his toes to reach it. He almost fell over at the weight of it. Peter dragged the book towards an armchair and set it there. “A book of maps?” Peter looked down at his grinning younger brother.

“Yes, yes!” Peter shrugged and left his little brother on his own. He settled back to his comfy spot and lost himself in the words on the pages of his book.

~cieux vides~

Dinner time.

During dinner time, the Pendragon children all went to the dining room and met with their father who was waiting for them. Peter noted he hadn't taken a seat yet. The Lord Pendragon was a tall, handsome blue-eyed man with blonde hair, a strong squared jaw, a Roman nose and a broad and muscled frame. He wore a permanent serious mask, never smiling or even scowling. His face was just blank. Though his eyes were where all his emotion was. His blue eyes screamed of anguish.

Lord Pendragon ordered them all to take a seat. The children obeyed their father without a word. When they sat, Lord Pendragon placed a large, ringed hand on top of a chair and gripped it, saying, “I'm going to dine with your mother and your infant brother. I expect you all to behave. Understood?”

“Yes, father.” the children said in unison. Lord Pendragon passed by all of them and patted them on the head, then left to the rooms upstairs. Now that their papa was gone, the air seemed a little lighter. Michael let out a sigh of relief. He wasn't used to having his papa around. He was intimidated by him. To be honest, so was Peter and Daisy. As soon as he left she declared she was hungry.

Audrey the cook came in with the maids and the food. Michael for once didn't conceal his eagerness though he had to be calmed down by Gauis when he almost spilled his milk. Each child got a portion of meat, potatoes, carrots and asparagus. Daisy wrinkled her nose at the greens.

“I don't want those.” she said, picking at the asparagus with her fork.

“If you don't eat them, then you won't get dessert.” Gauis said. Michael, on the other hand, gobbled them up right away at the mention of dessert.

“Why is papa leaving us?” Michael asked out loud. He stabbed his fork on a carrot and opened his mouth wide to take a bite. Peter rolled his eyes and cut his food to pieces for him.

“Papa is going to see mama.” Peter explained and then straightened himself in his seat after he was done helping his younger brother.

“Why?” Michael asked innocently.

“Because mama can't get out of bed.” Peter said.

“Why?”

“Because mama is sick. That's why papa has to go see mama.” Peter sighed. Little children asked too many questions. Michael frowned.

“But...why is mama sick? What's wrong with mama?” Michael asked. Peter sighed again and rolled his eyes. Gauis intervened.

“Your mother doesn't feel good. He's too weak to move, you see, young master.” Gauis said.

“Why?” Michael said. Daisy groaned. She was getting annoyed now.

“Because of Simon.” Daisy snapped. Gauis looked at her sharply. “Simon made mama sick. Simon made mama weak and that's why papa is with him right now.” Daisy said then harshly stabbed her fork down the meat and shoved it in her mouth. Her cheeks puffed up and were full with food. Michael blanched.

“What...does that mean?” he said quietly. “How did Simon make mama—”

“That's enough of that now, young master Michael. Finish your food.” Gauis said. The Pendragon children were once again silent.

Night fell. The children put their pajamas on (Michael still needed help from Gauis) and brushed their teeth then were tucked into bed by the old butler. Before Gauis would leave, he stood by the door and bid them good-night.

“Good-night, Master Peter.”

“Good-night, Gauis.”

“Good-night, Miss Daisy.”

“Good-night, Gauis.”

“Good-night, Master Michael.”

“Good-night, Gauis!”

Then he turned off the light and closed the door behind him.

Peter waited for Gauis' footsteps to fade. He sat up and swung his feet from his bed. He slipped on his slippers and quietly padded towards the door. Daisy was wide-awake. She too, sat up, which made Michael wake up. “Where do you think you're going?” the little girl demanded.

“I want to see mama.” answered Peter. Michael instantly perked up at the mention of his mother.

“I want to see mama too!” he exclaimed. He was shushed by both of his siblings.

“We can't all go.” said Peter. Daisy crossed her arms and Michael pouted.

“Why not?” Daisy asked him.

“Because if mama is sick, we might overwhelm him. We should each go one by one.” said Peter.

“Fine. But don't take too long. I want to see mama too.” said Daisy. Michael chirped an agreement.

Peter carefully opened the door so it wouldn't creak. He walked down the hall with light steps. Peter made his way to his parent's bedroom. He knew he would get into trouble, his father would be angry with him. He would wake them all up but he just had to see his mother. It had been too long since he last saw him. Peter reached for the doorknob and turned it as quietly as he could. The door couldn't help but make a creaking sound. The lights were flickered on dimly. Peter saw his father sitting up, bare from the chest. His father's gaze softened when he realized it was only his son but then his expression went stern again. “Peter, what are you doing here?” he demanded. “Go back to sleep.” There was body propped up next to him holding a tiny figure. The figure stirred.

“Arthur...? What is it, darling?” said the voice, thin and weak. The tiny figure he held cooed and began to wriggle. Peter froze in place. The figure tried in vain to sit up straighter only to fall back into the pillows uselessly.

“Shh, don't worry yourself, love.” said the Lord Pendragon in the gentlest tone Peter had ever heard him use. Peter recognized the figure. It was his mother. He took one step forward.

“Mama?” Peter whispered. The figure jolted. He saw to blue glittering eyes fall onto his. Then a sweet, beautiful smile.

“My, it's been so long since I've last seen you.” said Merlin. “Come, come. Sit here with me and your papa.” Peter obeyed and sat between them. Merlin stroked his son's blonde hair. The babe he held whined for his attention. They all stared down at a grumpy little face glaring up at them. Merlin cooed at the baby. “There, there, my little prince. I haven't forgotten about you.” Lord Pendragon gently circled an arm around his husband's waist. He brought him to rest on his chest. Peter was forced to move to avoid getting squeezed.
“Here, sit.” Lord Pendragon said to his son, patting his lap. Shyly, Peter obeyed. He wasn't used to any sort of affection from his father who was usually grim and distant. Lord Pendragon, for once, didn't wear an icy mask. He was smiling warmly.

A creek startled everyone. Daisy peeked from between the crack of the door with Michael. Merlin was delighted to know his other children came to visit him too. He prompted them all to sit with him. Michael immediately did so and cuddled close to Merlin. Merlin laughed cheerfully and pet his little blonde head then kissed it.

For a moment, they were a normal, happy family. Peter noticed his mother's sickly appearance. He was too pale, his face with a thin sheen of sweat and his breaths to quick. He also looked like he hadn't slept well in a good while. Peter felt bad and decided that was the end of their little visit.

“Thank you for having us, papa and mama.” said Peter to his parents. Arthur stroked his head and smiled at him.

“You are welcome, Peter. But next time only come when I tell you or at least during the daytime. Your mother is having trouble sleeping.” he said. He sent them back to bed and locked the door.

~cieux vides~

Lord Pendragon started allowing Peter, Daisy and Michael to visit their mother. It wasn't often since Merlin was weak and would moan sometimes. When he did that, the children had to quickly leave. Peter, being the observant one of all, realized why. His mama was in pain. He wasn't sure why he was in pain, he just knew every movement hurt him. Lord Pendragon had to scold Michael for climbing up the bed too quickly. He started his children to be very careful around Merlin.

Sometimes, Lord Pendragon didn't let Peter, Daisy and Michael visit Merlin but a man named Doctor Iseldir was always in Merlin's room. When his siblings were asleep, Peter would press his ear against the door to listen to his parent's conversation. Now that Simon spent more time in the nursery, he could catch a few snippets of what they said without his cries.

*

“He's so weak...” Lord Pendragon said in despair. “Gauis, he's so pale! Look at him—he looks like death!” There was a silence, the silence of the young lord coming to a horrible realization. “Gauis...w-what if I lose him? What if he dies? What will I do then?” he said. Peter gasped quietly and then clamped a hand over his mouth. He backed away into the wall and thought over the possibility. What if his mother died? He didn't want him to die. He didn't want to be motherless. Or worse, he didn't want someone else to take his place.

Peter didn't realize he was crying until he felt the tears drop on his hands. He sat there for a bit then got up reached for the doorknob. He turned it and opened the door then stepped in. He saw his father sitting on the bed with his husband's thin form sprawled lifelessly over his lap. His mother looked like a corpse. His skin was translucent, his eyes dark, his lips pale and his cheekbones too sharp. Lord Pendragon cupped his head ever-so carefully with his war-roughened hands. Lord Pendragon notices his eldest son and is quick to wipe away the tears on his own face.

“Peter, my son, what are you doing here? You should be in bed.” Lord Pendragon meant to say in a firm voice but he sounded wrecked instead. Peter approached the bed.

“What's wrong with mama?” Peter asked. “Is...he going to die?” Gauis decided to intervene.

“Young master, I think it's best if you—”

“I want to stay with him!” Peter exclaimed. Both men were startled by his outburst. The boy was usually so composed. “I want to stay with him...” he repeated more calmly.

“Let the boy see his mother.” said the doctor. Lord Pendragon was deflated. He allowed his son to join come up closer.

Merlin's eyes barely opened a crack when Peter was close enough. He smiled weakly—a very valiant effort—and tried to shuffle closer. “Hello...my...love...” he wheezed. “I'm....happy...you're...here...” Merlin raised a trembling hand and beckoned the boy closer. Peter moved his legs and allowed himself to be stroked by his mother's cold hands. “My...love—” Before he could say more he let out a groan of pain.

Then there was blood.

Gauis instantly was at his side and the Lord Pendragon was frantically asked what was the matter. Lord Pendragon held his husband's face in his eyes. “Merlin, please talk to me.”

“A-Arthur...A...rthur....” he gasped. Lord Pendragon was pushed aside by Doctor Iselder. Gauis grabbed Peter and dragged him out of the room then closed the door with a slam.

*

The children grew restless. They hadn't seen their father or mother, much less than usual. Peter knew something was wrong. Why was there blood? He wanted to know but he couldn't get answers out of Gauis. The children decided to find out for themselves. Michael and Daisy distracted Gauis while Peter sneaked into the master room. Just as Peter was about to reach for the doorknob, the door swung open. Peter took a jump back. Dr. Iselder immediately noticed the boy. His stern gaze was unwavering. “Little Peter, I was just about to call for you. Your mother wants to see you and your siblings.”

Something was definitely wrong.

~cieux vides~

The Pendragon children were in the master bedroom together. Their father looked wrecked. His shirt was un-tucked and rumpled, his hair wasn't in it's usual carefully styled way, and his eyes were bloodshot and watery. He held a limp figure in his arms, refusing to let the the body go. The children got close to the bed. The figure their father was holding was almost unrecognizable. It was their mother. He looked like death itself. He looked so frail and thin against Lord Pendragon's broad chest. Michael let out a whimper at the sight of their mother.

“What's wrong with mama?” Daisy asked no one in particular, she just wanted an answer.

Dr. Iselder sighed. “Your mama is very sick. He...” Dr. Iselder didn't want to finish the rest.

“Is he going to die?” asked the little dark-haired girl. Dr. Iselder took out a handkerchief and wiped his brow.

“I'm afraid so.” he admitted finally. Michael broke out into tears and sobs. Gauis lifted the boy and hugged him. Daisy clenched her tiny fists and tried to will herself not to cry. Peter stood frozen while staring at his mother breathe shallowly.

Lord Pendragon buried his face into his husbands neck and whispered, “Don't leave me...” into his ear.

Chapter Text

Arthur had been an official man for about a month or so. He knew what to expect: marriage. Lord Uther had already brought it up, saying, “I invited Lord Balinor to dine with us on Sunday.” Lady Igraine dabbed her mouth delicately with a napkin and smiled sweetly.

“Oh, how wonderful!” she said, not being able to conceal her delight. “It has been so long since I have last seen or talked to Lady Hunith!”

“Lord Balinor?” Arthur said in question. He hadn't heard that name in a long time.

“Yes. I believe you've met him before once.” Uther said then took a swig of his wine. Arthur recalled a bushy-eyebrowed man with thick long hair. He was just as stoic as his own father.

“Yes, I do remember Lord Balinor.” Arthur said. He didn't know why his father would talk of him, however.

“Well, that's good. He has a son that's about your age, maybe a little younger.” Uther said. Arthur started to have an idea of what was coming next. He glanced at Morgana who raised her eyebrows at him. “He's a very lovely young man. I want you to get to know him.” Uther continued. Igraine looked rather content, she was practically beaming.

“But father—” he started to protest. However he was quickly silenced when Lord Uther gave him a sort of look that told him he was better off silent. He pasted on a smile and pretended to be pleased. “Of course.”

And just as Lord Uther said, Lord Balinor arrived to Camelot on Sunday. With him he brought his wife, Lady Hunith, and their son, Merlin. Uther was right—Merlin was lovely. He was a rather pretty boy with lily-white skin, dark curls, blue eyes as big as his elfin ears and a pink, plush mouth that went well with his prominent cheekbones. The Emrys family attended mass with them at a Cathedral. Arthur tried to dutifully listen to Father du Lac's words but he was bored out of his mind.

Then something interesting happened. Father du Lac's eye's lingered a little longer on Merlin. Arthur immediately jumped to a nasty conclusion. He felt a sense of repulsion. He looked away in disgust. He decided his suspicions were correct when the handsome priest's fingers 'accidentally' brushed against Merlin's lips during communion. No one else thought twice about it. Each family went to their coach and proceeded to the Pendragon estate. When they arrived, the Pendragons led the Emrys' to the dining room. They all sat down and waited for the food to be served. But before anyone would eat grace had to be said. Merlin led it by Igraine's request. Arthur wanted to roll his eyes. Merlin was such a hypocrite, acting like a saint while making eyes with the priest!

Arthur couldn't bring himself to like him, even as Merlin tried to converse with him in a friendly and casual manner. Arthur would just give a short and blunt answer that would leave a tension in the air. Merlin gave up on trying to talk to him. Arthur caught his mother frowning at him. He shrugged his shoulders and widened his eyes innocently as if saying 'what did I do?' Her blue eyes darted towards Merlin who was quiet. Arthur wanted to groan but he held back. Instead, he looked at Merlin and forced a smile.

“Tell me, Merlin, are you skillful with any weapons?” Arthur tried, though he knew it wasn't a very proper topic at a dinner table. Merlin looked at him from underneath his lashes. Arthur felt something stir. He was only a man, after all, and Merlin was every so lovely.

“I can't say that I'm any good when it comes to anything relatively close to combat.” Merlin admitted, with a hint of snarkiness that irked Arthur.

“What are your hobbies, then?” Arthur tried again. This time Merlin opened up. All the while Merlin was talking of what he liked, Arthur was comparing him to his parent's previous woman of choice, Miss Mithian Nemeth, whom his parents had decided she was not suited for him after all. How was Merlin, a skinny whelp who was horribly indecent (he was still thinking about the 'incident' with the priest') suited for him while Mithian, a pretty and classy lady, not? It didn't make sense to him. Merlin caught him in his mental comparison.

“Have you had too much wine or are you completely ignoring what I'm saying?” When Arthur answered, “What?” in a rather un-gentleman like way, Merlin quirked the corner of his lips.

“I think you just confirmed my suspicions. Are you, perhaps, a lightweight?” he asked with a insolent grin and amusement. “Should you retire to your chambers before you swoon like a maiden?” Arthur felt very irritated. No one made him the fool, especially a skinny whelp.

“I can assure you I am not drunk. I just find your prattling most dull and trivial.” Arthur spat with a smile. Merlin just grinned sweetly.

“My Lord, I have never met someone so horribly rude. You sir, are the biggest clotpole to ever live.” Merlin retorted, still smiling.

“And you are the biggest idiot to exist. Who calls someone else a 'clotpole' Is that even a word?” Arthur snapped with a tight grin.

“If it was you wouldn't know what it meant because you're too dense.” Merlin laughed lightly though his blue eyes were hard.

Thankfully, before Arthur could reach over and wrap his hands around Merlin's pretty little throat, Morgana (who had been watching and listening ever so subtly) intervened. “My dear Merlin, I couldn't help but overhear your artistic interest in literature.” she said. Merlin smiled sweetly at her and they began to talk of their favorite authors. The boy had natural charm and was all wide smiles and witty remarks. Merlin managed to charm his mother and father—even Morgana! Arthur sulkily watched as Merlin exchanged words with his sister. Why was everyone so fond of this idiot? Arthur sulkily eyed Merlin as he chattered with merrily with Lord Uther.

Merlin was definitely on Arthur's black list.

~cieux vides~

After the first meeting, Merlin was invited to have tea with Igraine and Morgana. Arthur was forced to join. He rolled his eyes for what seemed the hundredth time as Merlin twittered with both women. Merlin acted as if he was a woman himself! Well, Arthur supposed it was only fitting. Merlin was expected to be the “woman” in their so-called budding relationship, Arthur thought dryly.

Merlin noticed that Arthur was once again bored out of his mind. Morgana, keen as ever, realized Merlin's attention was no longer hers, even if it was for a second. She quickly finished what she was saying and then said to Merlin, “How selfish am I! Here I am, hogging you away from Arthur!” Morgana exclaimed. Arthur glared at her. “You two should be alone together, have some man-to-man time.” Morgana promptly (but gracefully) got up and twined her arm with Igraine's.

The women left the two men alone. Merlin sighed softly, clearly disappointed to be left with only Arthur as his company. Arthur wasn't very happy either. Just like he feared, he was expected to court Merlin and eventually marry him. Merlin standing up abruptly caught Arthur's attention. He followed Merlin who took the liberty to walk to the entrance of the house. The footman assisted Merlin with his coat.

“Where are you going?” Arthur asked the raven-haired boy. Merlin smoothed himself out and stared at the blonde impassively.

“I'm leaving. Please tell your mother and sister that I apologize for having to leave so quickly without saying good-bye.” Merlin smiled brilliantly at the footman and thanked him. The poor lad was left stammering and red cheeked. Merlin opened the door himself and walked out the door. Arthur debated with himself. Option A: He could let Merlin be and enjoy an evening without him but eventually face the wrath of his sister, mother and father for allowing Merlin to dismiss himself on such bad terms or Option B: Go after Merlin and try to play nice for the sake of the family's honor.

After heavily considering Option A, Arthur went with Option B. He grabbed Merlin's arm and stopped him. “Wait, don't leave.” he said. Merlin frowned at him.

“You know what? I do want to leave!” the slighter man exclaimed. “I'm tired of pretending to like you, to be forced to sit with you, and to act like we don't hate each other when we clearly do!” Arthur's expression softened.

“I don't hate you.” he said. Merlin looked taken aback. He blinked, unintentionally fluttering his ridiculous eyelashes.

“Y...you don't?” he asked. Arthur started to feel some pity for him. Merlin was younger than him, so this whole arrangement was probably more overwhelming to him.

“No. I do find you irritating, don't get me wrong, but I don't hate you. I could never hate anyone.” Arthur said sincerely. Merlin avoided his eyes and flushed prettily. Arthur actually found it endearing. “I'm sorry I was so rude to you. I just...I don't want to be sold away into marriage.” he confessed. Now it was Merlin's turn to go all soft and doe-eyed.

“I understand. Though my parents aren't saying it, I know they expect me to win you over with a flutter of eyelashes and shy smiles like some foolish courtesan.” he said with a sigh.

“I know.” Arthur simply responded. “My parents expect the same from me. Though, of course I'd try a more manly approach without fluttering my eyelashes.” Arthur teased. Merlin's smile was completely worth his breath. If there was one thing he did like about Merlin, it was his lovely smile when it was genuine and directed at him.

~cieux vides~

The two young men started getting along after Merlin's little outburst. Arthur started asking Merlin to accompany him to outings, hunts (even if Merlin was terrible at hunts and was such a woman's petticoat that of course he wouldn't dare harm a poor little rabbit). Arthur introduced Merlin to his friends, Leon Knightley and his wife Guinevere, Gwaine Greene, Percival Hopper, and finally Elyan Smith (who also happened to be Guinevere's twin brother). They all loved Merlin, of course (Gwaine a little too much). The boy was simply charming. He got along famously with Guinevere since she was a little closer to his age and shared the love of simple things in life (like flowers which Arthur teased Merlin mercilessly about). Needless to say, Arthur and Merlin had a close and friendly relationship.

But that wasn't enough. Both of their parents were upset. The heads of the Pendragon and Emrys family were both happy that Arthur and Merlin sought each other out of their own volition, but they weren't satisfied with just that. They wanted to see a budding romance , not a budding friendship . Morgana, being the sharpest, decided to take it upon herself to figure out if there was indeed romance somewhere. She had a special eye for detail and she could whisk out what she wanted with her analytic mind. She decided to use a blunt approach and then see whether Arthur would lie or show some sort of sign. She passed by them casually. The two men were in the garden. They were having what seemed a friendly stroll to the untrained eye, but Morgana saw the way Arthur looked at Merlin as the other young man talked, and Morgana saw how enthusiastic Merlin was as he talked.

Then, Arthur stopped, causing Merlin to stop too. Morgana decided not to interrupt. Arthur picked a rose, checked it for bugs, then put it next to Merlin's ear. Merlin blushed and smiled, causing Arthur to smile back. Then, Merlin shoved him away lightly, playfully, and teased Arthur for being a romantic. Arthur teased back. Morgana decided to back away. It looked like they didn't need any sort of shove, though she wasn't sure what her parents were expecting. Did they really expect them to throw themselves at each other and hurry to make babies?