Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Tim is about thirty seconds away from logging an HR complaint. On Bruce. Is he allowed to do that? Would that be an abuse of Wayne Industries' resources? Is there a form for 'My dad and Co-CEO keeps looking at me like I'm about to expire because I haven't dated in almost a year'?

Whatever, Tim will make one if he needs to.

Because this? This ain't it. It's an assault on all fronts now. It started with Dick and bemoaning Tim's single status and that he needed to get out there again. Then escalated to teasing from Barbara, because of course she was getting in on it too. Not to the mention the side-eyes from Bruce for every gala and event that Tim's gone stag to.

Look, he… ok, Tim is still a bit heartbroken over it. He thought Bernard was it. And before that, there'd been the crush on Kon and then everything had gone to shit with Tam. Before that was Steph. So, maybe Tim was a little gun shy about pulling the trigger on another relationship.

Dick knows this. Dick doesn't care. Because, to Dick, what better way to conquer a fear than to leap off a cliff?

No thank you, Tim's all-set. He's happy to jump from building to building, stalk Batman and Robin with a camera, take on the League of Shadows and snub Ra's al Ghul. Sure, he's been pretty fast and loose with his physical safety. It's just…

Alright, trusting someone with his heart is scary. He isn't interested in taking that sort of risk. There, he's admitted it.

The fact of the matter is Tim knows how to handle himself. He's confident in his ability as a vigilante. Give him a paperclip and a roll of tape, he can get out of most situations. Give him a Nintendo DS? He can hack the Pentagon.

He can't hack his way out of a broken heart.

Not that Tim's newfound honesty means anything. It doesn't stop Dick wink-wink-nudging him towards everyone he thinks is Tim's type. Or the side-eyes that have turned into flat out long mopey stares from Bruce.

Jesus, this is terrorism. Doesn't matter if he's in civvies or a mask, Tim can't escape it.

Whatever, Bruce can keep his misplaced concern to himself. Tim actually has somewhere to be and won't be staying late in the office for once. Bruce's eyebrow twitches as he watches Tim closely when he slides across the lobby between their offices at promptly five-oh-one.

Tim mean-mugs him back. The consideration and contemplation are totally unwarranted. Tim hasn't even done anything! And Bruce knows exactly why Tim's dipping 'early'.

He has his consultant to meet.

In a shocking turn of events, Batman green lit Phantom's involvement with absolutely no push-back. The usual stubborn 'Stay out of Gotham' refrain Batman growled at every hero and vigilante was traded for a considering hum and 'Call Phantom' when Red Robin ran into another dead end on the meta flesh market case, the only solid remaining clues pointing towards something magical.

'Call Phantom'. Which meant asking Nightwing for the ghost hero's number. Because, of course, the only person in Batman Inc that knew how to contact Phantom was Nightwing.

Frankly, Tim found the Nightwing and Phantom butt-buddy alliance to be a sign of the end of days. With his undead compatriot, there were no limits to Nightwing's puns, quips, and show-boating. In fact, it seemed to create some sort of feedback loop, the duo continually escalating and riffing off each other.

To say Red Robin was apprehensive about working with the newest Justice League inductee would be putting it lightly. He didn't understand why Batman trusted the guy. And Tim's confidence in Phantom dropped considerably when Dick handed him a pager number to contact the ghost.

A pager. Who the fuck still used a pager? Tim had to google how to call it. Good grief, he felt like he was contacting his brother's weed dealer, not a highly regarded member of Earth's Mightiest Heroes.

Eventually, Tim managed it. So far, the case has gone well. Finally, there's a decent lead in the form of worrying readings Phantom took with an even more worrying looking home-made scanner. Tim's pretty sure it's made from a microwave.

To be honest, Tim wants to get his hands on the damned thing. A guerrilla-engineering technomagick scanner? Yeah, Tim's fingers are a little twitchy at the thought of breaking it down to see how it works. Idly, he wonders what other gadgets and machines Phantom may have as he suits up.

The sun's starting to set, still a little too early for Red Robin to be seen. But crime doesn't exactly respect conventions nor keep to a nighttime only schedule. Tim watches Gotham and the early evening traffic from his perch, the sunset peeking through the fog in fits and spurts.

Tim can't help but ruminate. Wayne Industries and the endless work, Gotham and her eternal crime rates. Even with this case, Red Robin has the beginnings of another four investigations on his desk. That doesn't even touch what Young Justice is up to, their own tasks and missions. It doesn't feel helpless or like a slog. Red Robin has a purpose.

Rather, he's indignant. How in the world could he date? He knows Dick understands. And Bruce saying 'a work life and personal life balance is important' stinks of hypocrisy. As if Bruce has a leg to stand on. The man figures out his relationship with Selina and suddenly he's the paragon of vigilante mental health.

What a joke.

Red Robin crouches, toes practically hanging off the edge of a skyscraper when the air changes. He turns just in time to see a portal of bright green stabilize, spit out Phantom onto the rooftop, and snap close.

"Blegh," the tangle of limbs says, eloquently. Phantom kicks his legs, partially righting himself to sit up. "Ancients, Wulf, would it kill ya to at least put the portal — Oh, hey Red Robin. You're early."

Is he? Tim tilts his head, thinking. Whatever, they're both here anyway. He pushes to his feet right as Phantom stands to dust himself off.

"So, good news and bad news. Good news, I figured how these traffickers are keeping off cameras and giving you the run-around. Bad news, they're using a relic and I'm, you know, really worried exactly how they got it. Funny coincidence, I'm familiar with the relic and pretty sure it's my job to deal with it anyway." Phantom rambles, all while pulling a duffle bag out of his chest to root around in it.

… Neat trick. Convenient, and also disturbing. Tim squashes his visceral reaction, instead watching with interest as Phantom begins unpacking it.

Inside, Red Robin catches glimpses of more of that weird technomagick gear. Clean lines, bright silver, green accents. All of it on brand. Is that Phantom's brand? It kinda fits the theme of his black-and-white suit, pure white hair and toxic green eyes.

It gives weight to Tim's pet theory: Phantom is making the shit himself. Or the person making it is a part of his team. People? Does Phantom have a team? Is Tim making too many assumptions?

"Cool shit, right?" Phantom says, catching Red Robin looking. "Brought kind of a hodge podge of goodies, I wasn't sure what you'd want. I mean, I know you have tons of weapons training — of course you do, you're a Bat, but I didn't want to assume."

Unloading the bag turns into a sort of unhinged show-and-tell of Phantom's 'goodies'.

Fuck, that sounds awful. Tim revises his thoughts. He never wants to think about 'Phantom's goodies' ever again.

An unhinged show-and-tell of Phantom's arsenal. There, slightly better. Marginally, and that's all Tim can ask for when he's actually reeling at the sheer amount of stuff Phantom pulls from the bag.

A thermos for containment, anti-possession belt, giant metal gloves, a baseball bat, various sizes of energy blasters ranging from what looks like a lipstick tube to a bazooka, a fishing pole.

Phantom describes each as he lays them out, stumbling over some of the names as if he's coming up with them on the fly. "Fento — I mean, Phantom Phones," he says, showing Red Robin a pair of truly hideous earpieces. "Ghost proof, of course. Filters out ghost speak and translates in live time. Also, the only communicators I know of that won't get weird when I talk over them. So, one of these is for you."

Red Robin wishes sorely he could turn it down - between the colors and clunky 1990s vibe, it is not his brand. But he needs some way to communicate with the ghost if this mission is going to be anything but a bust. Grudgingly and barely containing his groaning, Tim takes the earpiece from Phantom.

This mission better be a success. He's not wearing these again.

"Right," Red Robin crouches and adjusts the Phantom Phone. It's an impressive spread of weaponry, and the bag still has more stuff in it. "Do these things only work on ghosts? Is there an expectation to encounter a ghost?"

"Maybe?" Phantom shrugs when Red Robin levels a flat stare at him. "The relic makes it so the wielder can control a ghost, compel the ghost with their own will or whatever. The footage you showed me looks a lot like when a ghost corrupts a digital file. I looked it over and there're distinct traces of ectoplasm at the locations the cameras failed. And there's a big concentration of ectoplasm in the warehouse you think is the base of operations. So either the traffickers are using ghosts to help them move their victims, or some of their victims are ghosts and they're using the relic to keep them compliant."

Huh. Tim's actually impressed. The assessments of the situation with multiple options that account for the falsities of the other theory are actually fairly logical. Both are more than plausible options. Neither of which Red Robin would have gotten without Phantom's direct involvement.

Phantom's not half-bad. Impressive, really, knowing he came up in the hero scene without a mentor.

"Either way," Phantom says, seemingly not minding Red Robin's thoughtful silence, "The fact the traffickers have this specific relic is a concern of the Infinite Realms. And that puts it firmly in my, like, jurisdiction or whatever."

"Are you really doing the 'FBI, this is our case now' shtick? What are you, a cop?"

Phantom makes a retching sound. "Sorry, reflex. Any sort of implication I'm government adjacent, can't help it."

"You know being Justice League makes you government adjacent," Red Robin helpfully points out. He weighs a net-launcher in his hand. "If not affiliated with the UN, the League works with the organization often to be called an ally."

"Not me," Phantom says with cheer, pushing a narrow cylinder towards him. "That's essentially a light saber, by the way. Nah, they keep me pretty far from the UN shit. I'm not built for it. I'm there to hit things real hard and share tech."

A light saber? Hell yeah. Tim grabs it and wonders if he can keep it.

"Can I keep it?" he blurts out, because why not?

Shrugging, Phantom says, "Sure, I have like five more. This one is green, but I think I can change the color. Red would match your like —," he waves expansively at Red Robin, "Vibes and aesthetic. Very cool branding, by the way. The cape is dope."

Huh. Tim didn't expect the compliment. He chooses to ignore it, mostly because he just doesn't know what to say in response. 'Thanks, I like your cyber-gothic vibes too'?

"Green's fine, I always wanted to be a Jedi." A red light saber would infinitely more on brand, but Tim would never consider being a Sith. Wait, absolutes. Shit.

It fits perfectly next to his bo staff on his bandoleer. Which, sick and feels like a divine happenstance, as if Red Robin was meant to have the energy blade. He helps Phantom reload the bag, though the ghost keeps the thermos out before pushing the entire duffle back inside his chest.

God, that's even weirder up close. Tim examines Phantom's torso, mind spinning through possibilities on how it works.

"Alright," Phantom's voice breaks his concentration, Red Robin snapping to attention. A truly feral grin spreads across Phantom's face as he lifts into the air, hair swirling and catching the last dredges of sunlight. "Let's go ghost hunting."

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

They're wrapping up in one of Tim's more 'civilian' passing safe-houses. Mostly because it was the closest, and Phantom said something about 'ley lines' and 'easier to open a portal'. Cool, whatever. Tim wanted to burn this safe-house soon anyway.

Tim, as always, gets himself into trouble. Chronic Thinking Too Much Disease, they really ought to make a cure for it. He reflects, paused in the middle of writing the report and watching Phantom eat Cheerios right out of the box. Phantom perches on the counter, looking like he belongs there, shoveling cereal into his mouth with the relic sitting innocently at his hip.

When the fuck did Tim get Cheerios?

There's no denying it. Tim likes working with Phantom. The guy is good in a fight, doesn't rely on his powers too much, and kept up with Tim. Not just physically, but intellectually. And he's shockingly earnest when he isn't being a trash-talking little shit.

So. Tim gets an idea.

"Hey," he says before he's even thoroughly thought it out, "we should date."

Phantom pauses, gloved hand suspended in the middle of shoving another handful of cereal into his mouth, wide eyed and gaping. Attractive.

"Huh?" he says eloquently.

"Not for real," Tim scrambles to explain. "I mean fake dating. Just hang around some, be a bit performative, nothing out of masks. We can say we're taking things slow and break up amicably. Nightwing keeps trying to set me up with a date. This will get him off my case."

"Oooooh." Phantom resumes inhaling cereal. Why a ghost needs to eat, Tim would like to know, but it's probably rude to ask. Slowly chewing, Phantom seriously thinks it over. "You know, the council has been bugging me, too. About dating. This could work out for both of us."

Council? Tim would like to know why a council is interested in Phantom dating. So he asks.

Phantom sighs explosively. Finally, he sets the Cheerios down. "OK, so like, this is need to know basis only. I haven't even disclosed it to the League. And like, Nightwing only knows because he's my friend and the Observants crashed one of our missions and outed me. Hard to lie about why a floating eyeball showed up to demand I actually show up to the next council meeting, instead of blowing them all off again to play heroes with my living friend."

Pulling a face, Phantom waves an arm in an arc over his head. A crown appears, spinning and shooting off beams of light like an Aurora Borealis.

Tim doesn't gape, because Red Robin doesn't gape. But, you know, that's unexpected.

"I'm the Ghost King. It's a whole thing, no I am not taking questions on it at this time. Well, technically, I'm the Prince of the Infinite Realms because I'm too young to take the throne. So, there's a council and a regent. Whatever, not important!"

Phantom claps, getting himself back on track. "What that means is there's a council and Observants that are really interested in my personal shit. Including who I date. But like, I'm enjoying my brat girl summer and being single right now, not that they care."

Tim blinks. Then blinks again, slotting the new information in place alongside everything he knows about Phantom. That's... something.

"That sounds annoying," Tim says, instead of one of the approximately 23 questions in his head that are quickly spawning more by the second. "Fake dating would solve both of our problems."

Because Tim is a professional, they make a contract.

Phantom watches with great interest as Tim bustles around the apartment, setting up shop at the kitchen table. He doesn't think he's ever actually sat at this table. Mostly, he's used this apartment to sleep, a crash-out spot that has a nicer bed and isn't as sparse as the other Bat-affiliated safe houses.

As soon as Tim sits, stretching out his wrists, Phantom kicks off from the counter to hover around Tim's shoulders. The box of Cheerios balances precariously on the ghost's stomach. Tim eyes it briefly. Then sets to it.

"So, uh," Phantom starts, arms folded behind his head. "How casual is 'casual'?" Under the weight of Tim's judging eyebrows, Phantom defends himself. "I'm just asking! Like, how far are we both willing to go to sell it? Are we exclusive? Facebook official?"

"Facebook official," Tim echoes, typing. "Christ, is anyone Facebook official? Do ghosts have Facebook?"

"I don't know, I could get one. If, like, you think it'd help." Absurd, this entire thing is absurd. But they're here and committed to the bit. Or committing to the bit. There's 'selling it', and then there's…. whatever Phantom is saying. Facebook, what year is it?

"Red Robin doesn't have a Facebook, and I refuse to make one." Tim barely manages to keep from sounding snide.

"I won't mog on you referring to yourself in the person, even though I'm really tempted." How gracious. "Alright, so just. Seeing each other, feeling it out, not seeing other people."

Good enough. Tim rephrases it, keys clacking as he speeds through typing before his brain moves onto the next thought.

Lifting his hands from the keyboard, Tim considers. Rolls thoughts around his head, rotating them, and follows the threads to the tangle to dissect it.

"I don't want to unmask," he finally says. Phantom tilts his head, lips pursing.

"Awesome, I don't either." After a beat, Phantom tears his eyes from the ceiling to glance at Tim. "Obviously, my name isn't 'Phantom'. I'd prefer to keep all details on my life under wraps. You know, to protect my living family."

Jesus Christ, that's grim. And honestly, Tim can't say he hasn't thought about it. Idly, given the clues. Standing theory Tim gives the most weight proposes that Phantom died fairly recently. The facts, few that Red Robin has gathered, point in that direction. Phantom uses fairly modern slang, isn't technophobic, looks young. Not that appearing at an age means anything.

Tim knows firsthand how little that means. Ra's al Ghul dissuaded him of that notion quite swiftly.

Still — a living family. He wonders how he'd feel, seeing the ghost of his father or mother fighting off an alien invasion. Awful, probably.

Satisfied with the rephrasing, Tim angles the monitor to Phantom. The ghost's eyes skate over the draft, nodding idly.

A headache builds behind Tim's eyes. He's had the mask on too long, and he probably should invest in blue light blocking glasses. At least for nighttime work. He presses the heel of his palms against his eyes for a moment, trying to think of what next.

"Uh, rules?" Phantom prompts. Oh, that's a good idea. "You know, for how involved we want to be, I guess."

"Sure." Tim drops his hands. "Did you have anything in mind?"

As Phantom hums, the lights flicker. "Sorry. I won't butt into your gig, you don't butt into mine? And like, I'll talk to the council about you being mortal. I'll make sure there's a firm understanding that you'll have no responsibilities or anything in the Infinite Realms."

"Amity Park?" Ugh, dread twists Tim's stomach, expecting the worst.

"Probably safest if you stay away." Thank God, Tim did not want to go to Ohio. It's a relief Phantom seems to agree. "We can keep dating to Gotham. It's easier for me to visit, anyway."

Phantom leans around Tim as he types, humming intermittently. The overhead lights and screen flicker, and each time, Phantom murmurs an apology. Tim saves the document frequently. Retyping it would be a pain in the ass.

With no complaints about Tim's rules, they move on.

"Terminating the contract," he mutters.

"Already thinking of breaking up with me? Wow, Red." The cold along Tim's side sharpens, Phantom leaning closer. He laughs, delighted, when Tim splutters. "No, no, it's cool. As long as we tell the other? It doesn't need to be, like, anything dramatic."

"Amicable. And just long enough to shut everyone up."

Phantom shoots finger guns at Tim. Even his fingertips glow green for a second. "That's the word."

While Tim types up some nonsense about liability, Phantom dives into the box of cereal again. He sits happily on the table at Tim's elbow. With each idle kick of his boots, a small cool waft of air hits Tim's arms.

"What else?" he asks around a mouthful of cereal when Tim pauses.

A new feeling sends Tim's insides squirming. There's an elephant in the room that he knows can't be ignored any longer. Shit, this is going to be so awkward. It's only Tim's practice keeping his face blank that he hides his cringe. Though, Phantom leaning forward to peer curiously at him threatens to crack the cool facade.

"Boundaries," he finally says. "What are you willing to do to sell this?"

"Oh." The ghost sighs, and now it's Tim's turn to peer curiously into the other's face. "I mean, I don't think we need to, like, fuck on top of the tallest building in Gotham."

Fuck. They match in their blushes. "Ah, no. I agree. But, look," Red Robin says, all business despite being beet red. "Batman will figure it out in seconds flat, and Blackbat even faster if we don't put in effort."

"And the Observants check in on me randomly, I never know when they're actually watching," Phantom adds. "But they're neverborns — means they've never been alive," he quickly explains as Tim tilts his head. "So it isn't like they're going to know what human dating looks like."

A thought occurs. "Are they going to watch me?" Shit, what if they check on Red Robin when he's Tim Drake? His shoulders tense.

"Absolutely not." Phantom's voice is hard, his brow furrowing. "Leave that to me. The only time they should have an eye on you is if you're with me."

The tension immediately bleeds from his body. "Basics? Puppy love sort of stuff?" Red Robin proposes, blushing again. He hopes the mask hides at least some of it. Phantom flashes a smile and gives a thumbs up.

"Huh," Tim says, a little later. "I don't know anything about the Infinite Realms. Is there anything I need to know? If I piss off a ghost, will my bloodline be cursed forever?"

In the middle of shoveling another handful of cereal into his mouth, Phantom snorts. He coughs until a Cheerio dislodges from his nose. "Oh, ow." Charming. "Only if you piss off Desiree, but no. Don't ask about my death, don't try to find my living name, don't mess with resting place. Easy peasy. I won't judge you if you don't judge me."

Fair. After all, Tim's writing a fucking contract for their fake relationship. Glass houses, and such. Tim won't throw any stones if Phantom doesn't.

"I do have one request." There's a note in Phantom's voice that makes Tim go still. The ghost leans until he can make eye contact with Red Robin, green eyes boring through the white lenses. "If either of us has an issue, any issue at all, we talk. No matter what, we talk. Cards on the table, open-minded, do our best to hear and listen. Deal?"

Tim swallows. "Deal," he whispers. Clears his throat, and tries again. "Deal."

Talking? Being forthright? Common sense, communication-based solutions? It threatened complete upheaval in Tim's delicate balance of 'deny' and 'suppress'.

"It's important to me," Phantom says, voice low and oddly soothing despite the ghostly echo. Like a whisper in the night, the sound of wind rustling leaves. "My older sister, she's a therapist. Dying really messed with my head, and it's only because of her I didn't entirely lose my humanity after."

The apprehension and anxiety buzzing in Tim's head softens into something tender, understanding. He nods, resolute. It's important to Phantom, he can make an effort at the minimum.

Phrasing it for the contract is a bitch and a half, though.

The rest of the contract is a cakewalk by comparison. The printer, stashed in a backroom, kicks to life and churns out two copies after Phantom gives it a last scan.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

RELATIONSHIP CONTRACT

I. THE COUPLE. The relationship Contract ("Agreement") is written for the mutual benefit of the Couple. Furthermore, this Agreement is solely meant to establish rules and boundaries for a successful partnership.

Boyfriend: Red Robin (He/They)

Boyfriend: Danny Phantom (He/Him)

Boyfriend and Boyfriend are each referred to herein as a 'Partner" and, collectively, as the "Couple".

II. EXCLUSIVITY. The Couple agrees to participate in a 'casually dating' relationship. Furthering the goals of the Couple, each active Partner shall remain publicly exclusive and interested only in Boyfriend. This means each Partner agrees to be faithful in all appearances, sexual and emotional. Exclusivity terms subject to terms outlined in Termination of Agreement.

III. CIVILIAN IDENTITIES. Each active Partner shall operate under current Vigilante or Hero moniker within the boundaries of the relationship. Civilian Identities will not be disclosed or shared. All efforts will be made by Boyfriend to protect their own privacy and Operation Security. Each active Partner will not attempt to discern, discover, or come to know Boyfriend's Civilian Identity.

IV. RULES. The Couple agrees to uphold the outlined Rules unless threat of bodily harm or death for either active Partner is imminent.

• Boyfriend will not interfere with his Boyfriend's mission or duties under Vigilante or Hero moniker.

  • Red Robin shall not operate within the Infinite Realms or Amity Park. Duty or action shall not be expected of Red Robin in the Infinite Realms under any capacity.

  • Phantom shall not operate within Gotham. Phantom shall make best efforts to maintain the below:

    • Avoid prolonged sightings.

    • Avoid photographs by civilians, media, and other public parties.

V. TERMINATION OF AGREEMENT. Verbal notification must be provided three days prior to termination of agreement. Partners shall make best efforts to notify Boyfriend in good faith. Active Partners in the Contract shall come to an agreeable consensus regarding appropriate actions to end the Relationship and notify interested parties.

VI. LIABILITY The Couple agrees that each shall be held not be liable financially, emotionally or legally to the other beyond upholding this Agreement to the best of their ability.

VII. MUTUAL RESPECT To maintain a fair and transparent partnership, the Couple agrees to the following:

• HONESTY: The Couple agrees to maintain an honest relationship and always communicate concerns. Each Boyfriend agrees to listen to such honesty.

• JUDGMENT-FREE: The Couple agrees always to listen and offer advice if requested that is in the best interest of the Agreement and Boyfriend. Expected social and cultural differences between Ghosts and Batman Inc. will be respected and accepted without bias.

• FAMILY: The Couple agrees to respect and withhold judgment of the Boyfriend's family. Interaction with Boyfriend's family will extend only so far as to maintain goals of the Agreement.

• DISPUTES: Each Partner shall strive to make a good-faith effort to resolve any dispute or misunderstanding in an amicable manner. Either Partner has the right to request private discussion with concerns or incompatibility to asses Terms of Termination without judgment.

• PHYSICAL BOUNDARIES: The Couple agrees to a minimum of physical intimacy in order to uphold the Agreement and goals of the partnership. This may include, but is not exclusive of, hand holding, close physical proximity, leaning on, touches to arms or shoulders. Additional or intimate contact shall be discussed under terms of HONESTY and DISPUTES.

• DATE NIGHTS / ROMANTIC ACTIVITY: The Couple shall maintain public appearances through forms of Date Nights and Romantic Activity. All dates shall be arranged in advance and maintain physical in addition to mental safety of the active Partners. Each active Partner may cancel Date Nights or Romantic Activity without explanation. Rain checks shall be offered for canceled activities to maintain goals of the partnership.

VIII. ADDITIONAL TERMS: Intentionally left blank for future revision. Revisions shall be agreed upon by the Couple.

IX. EXECUTION: Each Partner agrees they have read and understood this Agreement in its entirety and have executed on the undersigned below.

Boyfriend: Red Robin

Boyfriend: Danny Phantom

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Looking down at the list, terms and conditions, everything they've agreed to — that's when Tim pauses. Is this a good idea?

"I mean," Phantoms says, again with a mouthful of Cheerios. "Clockwork monitors the timelines, so he definitely already knows what we're doing. And he hasn't intervened yet." When Tim gives him A Look, Phantom helpfully explains, "He only intervenes when I do something stupid enough that'll change the course of the multiverse. So," then shrugs, entirely too nonchalant for Tim's tastes.

"If Clockwork already knows, won't he say something to the council or the Observants?" The very Observants Phantom has guaranteed will pop in on Tim at some point. So Tim feels compelled to ask.

"Nah," Phantom says. He kicks his feet from where he's sitting on the kitchen table again, right at Tim's elbow. "He hates the Observants more than I do. I bet he loves this. He's always down to fuck with them."

Great. That's... great. Tim's down to fuck with them too, for the same metric Phantom's willing to fuck with the Bats.

Reality hits right around the time he adds his signature next to Phantom's on the contract, still warm from the printer. Officially, Red Robin and Phantom are 'dating'.

Nothing can go wrong, right?